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How to discipline a bipolar child


Disciplining a Bipolar Child | Teensavers

Finding out your loved one has bipolar disorder can be difficult to internalize. It's even more difficult when your child is diagnosed. However, having a proper diagnosis is a necessary part of recovery.

Unfortunately, many signs of bipolar disorder might go unnoticed, or be mistaken for other illnesses. If your child has bipolar disorder, it's important to recognize the signs, get them the help they need, and show proper boundaries and discipline techniques as a parent.

What is Bipolar Disorder?

Bipolar disorder is a type of mental illness characterized by severe changes in mood. Although many people might describe mild changes in their mood as "being bipolar," the changes in true bipolar disorder are much more than simply feeling sad or happy.

Teens and adolescents with bipolar disorder will show symptoms of mania and depression. 

Mania is characterized by symptoms such as:

  • Needing little sleep
  • Psychosis
  • Paranoia
  • Illusions of grandeur
  • Racing thoughts
  • Hyperverbal speech, which means rambling speech
  • Agitation

Depression is characterized by symptoms such as:

  • Fatigue
  • Loss of interest in everyday activities
  • Low energy, such as not wanting to get out of bed
  • Body aches
  • Thoughts of suicide
  • Feeling hopeless
  • Crying spells

Is Bipolar Disorder Possible in Teens?

As a parent, it's important to know that most people are diagnosed with bipolar disorder when they are in their teens or early adolescence. As such, if you notice any of the above signs in your child, they could be cause for concern.

In addition to Bipolar Disorder, your child might also have co-occurring mental illnesses, including:

  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Substance use disorder
  • Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, or ADHD

How To Get Help In Disciplining A Bipolar Child

Parents should always try to guide their children to behave appropriately, prevent them from acting out, and provide boundaries within the home.

Unfortunately, it can be difficult to know how to parent a child with bipolar disorder without professional help. Fortunately, speaking with your healthcare provider and getting help from a therapist can help you properly diagnose your child. Getting a proper diagnosis is crucial when disciplining a bipolar child.

For instance, without a proper diagnosis, you might mistake your child's depressive symptoms as simply "going through a phase," or "being blue. " On the contrary, depressive symptoms can quickly turn serious. Sadly, around 20% to 47% of teens with bipolar disorder have attempted suicide. This is a scary statistic and shows just how important it is to get your child the help they need.

Maneuvering through the Depressive Stage

Never tell your child to simply "get over" their symptoms. Call 911 or the suicide hotline right away if your child expresses feelings of hopelessness or self-harm.

Speak with your child and offer professional counseling and help from a therapist. You should also inform your healthcare provider of depressive symptoms. They can suggest changes in medication to help ease symptoms of depression.

Maneuvering through the Manic Stage

Call your healthcare provider immediately if you notice signs of psychosis in your child. If your teen isn't sleeping, is behaving inappropriately, and is showing signs of agitation, these can all point to a manic episode.

Don't assume your child is simply "acting out," or even under the influence of substances. Although bipolar disorder does increase the risk of substance use in teens, manic episodes can also mimic symptoms of hallucinogenics and drugs known as "uppers."

If you feel your safety or your child's safety is at risk, contact a mental health center or hospital right away to see how they can help.

How to Help Bipolar Child Thrive

Although it can be difficult to help a child with their bipolar disorder, it's a necessary part of recovery. By getting them the proper treatment, including:

  • Psychotherapy
  • Stress management
  • Medications
  • Recognizing and managing triggers
  • Managing emotions

You can help reduce the likelihood of a bipolar episode.

Disciplining Your Bipolar Child | HealthyPlace

HealthyPlace.com Staff Writer

The importance of teaching your bipolar child to be responsible for his/her illness and managing the symptoms associated with bipolar disorder.

Discipline vs. Punishment

Discipline for bipolar children, this is a dilemma that all parents have to face in raising kids. The answer lies in the details.

Think *responsibility* instead of *fault*.

Your child is not at fault for having bipolar disorder, nor for having symptoms. No one would ever say he was at fault for vomiting if he had the stomach flu, so be careful not to "blame" your child for bipolar disorder rages or for being depressed.

However, each of us is responsible for our actions. As an adult, if you get the flu, although you are not at fault, you still have to clean up any mess that you may make. You are responsible for your messes, whatever the cause. The point being: It's important to teach your child with bipolar disorder that they are "responsible" for their illness. Being "responsible" includes not only careful behavior even when having symptoms, it includes taking care of things when they blow it, and it includes getting adequate rest, eating right, and taking their bipolar medications.

Instead of *punishment* think *discipline* or *training*

Punishment is punitive, it means the child is "paying" for his/her mistakes, and that's not really fair if the cause of the behavior was an illness. Bipolar kids already pay too high of a cost in lost friendships, lost time, lost joy. Discipline, in this instance, should really entail training - focused teaching - better responses for the next time the problem situation comes around.

Keep in mind, that no child (or adult for that matter) is going to be able to understand, process, and learn from discipline in the middle of a bipolar rage. If you wait until after the episode to talk about the problem, discuss alternatives, discuss restitution, then they can actually process what you are saying, rather than get into a huge confrontation that is fruitless. Sometimes if the child is very unstable, even between rages, they are not able to process the discipline. Sometimes you have to wait for the medications to kick in, and that can be months, but eventually, that time will come and you can begin to "discipline" your child so he/she can handle it out there in the adult world.

(Ross Green has a wonderful approach in the book Explosive Child because it gives a concrete way for a parent to put these ideas into practice. It's important to remember to use "B" basket, as well as "A" and "C" though... or else all you are doing is ignoring the bad behavior, and that does not equip the child for his/her future.)

Getting Others To "Get It"

It's hard to get the schools and others to understand that the process of being responsible for their own behavior is harder for children with bipolar disorder than for many others, and that often in has to be broken down into smaller chunks so it is more manageable for them. It's a challenge, as a parent, to keep going and not grow weary, when progress in measured in millimeters and there are still kilometers yet to go.

For kids who are more stable, the book Parenting with Love and Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay can be very helpful in teaching them to function in the world, and also to help reduce the power struggles that can so easily develop with our kids.

Low Expressed Emotion is another important key in helping bipolar kids. If the illness is not allowed to consume their lives and conflicts do not become overly emotional, parents provide a helping hand to help their child with bipolar disorder climb back into "normal" life.

Sources:

  • The Explosive Child by Ross Greene
  • Parenting with Love and Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay

APA Reference
Staff, H. (2008, December 31). Disciplining Your Bipolar Child, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2023, February 12 from https://www.healthyplace.com/parenting/bipolar-children/disciplining-your-bipolar-child

Last Updated: August 19, 2019

Medically reviewed by Harry Croft, MD

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How to teach a child to discipline?

"He will walk on my string!" - this is not discipline, it is a way of moral pressure on the child. And a very harmful way. For many parents and teachers, the word "discipline" is really associated with getting up at 6 in the morning, dousing with cold water, a ruler that rises and falls on a "crooked" back. No no and one more time no. Children should not live in the conditions of a military camp, but they will need the ability to understand the rules and follow them already in elementary school, not to mention adulthood.

It is at school that a small person for the first time and fully takes on the burden of responsibility and demands that falls on his shoulders. Yes, perhaps some parents believe that a child should grow up in an atmosphere of complete freedom. But what will the baby do in the classroom, where they are asked to sit still and not scream from the spot, when at home he could walk on his head? It's hard to accept complaints. But it will be much easier for a collected child to study better, to enter into new role relationships and communication.

Why does a first grader need discipline? We wrote about this in our material published on social networks.

1. Set house rules

No matter how old your child is, 5 or 10, he must understand the difference between appropriate behavior and behavior that is unacceptable. Let the child know what is expected of him, as well as what will follow from breaking the rules.
It is important to remember that the rules must be rational, and you must be able to answer the child's question about the meaning of the established norms.

- Mommy, why can't I-I-I? - Kolya asks, raising his eyebrows and already cursing.
– Because I said so! – threateningly frowning mum cuts off.

This is not an answer, this is a go-ahead that has no authority and leaves a negative. Explain to children the reasons for your decisions, they should see that they are not fulfilling your whim, but a rule that is useful to them.

Yes, of course, the rules and consequences of disobedience will greatly depend on the age of the child. While the kid needs to be explained that fighting is not good, it is already important for a teenager of 11 years old to explain why he should be at home at 20:00. And be flexible - what is right for elementary grades is no longer true for younger teens. Growing up, children expand their boundaries (chicks don’t live in a shell, do they?), and if you don’t help them with this in time, the shell will burst itself, and you will find yourself immersed in the abyss of conflicts.

2. Daily routines and habits

It turns out that a routine can also be useful if it turns into good habits. Little traditions and rituals make the child feel safe, even if it's right to "pull the doorknob again to see if you've closed the door."
If you notice, for example, that your child's behavior worsens when he gets tired (or vice versa - pampering comes from a lack of activity), pay attention to this and create "cases" that will help meet the right needs.

  • Put the baby to bed and wake him up at the same time - what is predictable is not so traumatic.
  • If sudden changes appear in the schedule of the day - for example, going to visit or to the doctor, inform about it in advance, without delaying until the last.
  • Some children cannot calmly "jump" from one activity to another. Treat this with understanding and make "buffer" zones during which restructuring will take place. For kids, it can be a fairy tale between games and lunch, for schoolchildren it can be a break between lessons or homework.

Q&A. Is it possible to put a child in a corner?
Possible. The point is to leave the naughty child alone. If you send him to your room, he will take up toys, and it is important to give him time to think about his behavior. The scheme is simple: how much time the child has, how many minutes he is standing in the corner.

3. Discuss the consequences

Describe to the child a clear causal relationship between how he behaves and what follows. Follow the established rules without exception. For example, if you can’t climb trees in a park, then you can’t always, and not only when « you are in such a clean white shirt! » . Ask the child for his own opinion: “What do you think should be done if you are late for lunch? After all, the soup will already be cold, you will have to eat like this ... " - and let him have the opportunity to think about his own behavior.

  • Make sure the punishment or "consequences" are appropriate. In no case should they humiliate the child!
  • Consequence should help the child learn from mistakes. Putting away toys yourself, putting a dirty cup in the sink and washing it yourself, even trying cold soup because of digging at the computer - all this is much more useful than standing in the corner for an hour.
  • Show the child a direct consequence: if you are going for a long walk, then the walk itself will be shorter.

Q&A. How can children be punished?
Deprive them of their natural physiological needs: do not let them go to the toilet, deprive them of food and walks in the fresh air. Do not give sweets - this is a possible scenario.

4. The rule is the rule

This has already been said above, but I would like to dwell on this point in more detail. Watch your words and follow the rules that you have set. Many parents and teachers have a habit of making exceptions: overlooking or overlooking things that are not in the correct order, allowing some activities "for the very last time" and promising that sanctions will come next time: "I'll see this again, and then for sure..." . All this, firstly, undermines your authority, and secondly, it confuses the child, blurring the boundaries of what is permitted.

  • Even if your child has an excuse, be simple in your clarity: "Olya, you broke the rule, that means...".
  • If you have several children (attention, teachers!), then remember that the rules should be equal for everyone. What is impossible for Katya is also impossible for Sasha. What is possible for Zhenya is also possible for Vanya. Otherwise, the children will (and quite rightly) decide that you are not being fair to them.

5. Have realistic expectations

If you have a hyperactive first grader (we already wrote about how to work with such children), then you should not expect that, because of your requirements, he will instantly learn to sit up straight, raise his arm perpendicular to the desk, not fidget and generally behave like an exemplary representative of the cadet school.

Setting the standard of behavior too high can make the child feel overwhelmed. Too low a level of requirements, on the contrary, can lead to the fact that the student does not develop his potential (for example, perseverance). All children are different and can have both weaknesses and strengths. Moreover, at different ages, children objectively differ in their behavior: first-graders make noise, children of 8-11 years old fight, and teenagers hold back and rebel. Try to get familiar with what the norm looks like for your child's age group.

The theme of education is one of the most popular in our social networks. Educational games, therapeutic fairy tales and techniques.


What to do (and what not to do) if a child has bipolar disorder

It is often difficult for parents to understand their child, especially when communication is reduced to formal questions like “how are things at school”. But if a child is diagnosed with a mental disorder, it is even more difficult to understand and help. Blogger Inna Gentle translated the podcast hosted by Dr. Esther Perel. It tells you what to do (and what not to do) if your child has bipolar disorder.

Stop pushing

Crying parents came to the session  —  their daughter was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. She sits in her room 22 hours a day, her parents do not understand what to do. The girl is undergoing treatment, but this is not family therapy. During the session, it turns out that the adopted daughter (initially knew about the adoption), was bullied at school. Last year there was a suicide attempt in which the daughter blamed her mother. A typical story: a smart girl was a straight A student, and then everything collapsed.

Mom is constantly crying at the reception. Like, "how I want my daughter to have a passion for something, she's so talented, she cooks like that, and she sings like that." Dad is mostly silent.

Parents are asked: "Have you discussed the problem with any of your friends?" Of course, the answer is no.

Therapist's remark : "You understand that you have two parallel processes of isolation in your house: your daughter is isolating from you, going to Internet friends, and you are isolating from society."

Suggestion : look for a support group among parents, share it with your friends already. Don't spoil an already complicated dynamic.

Parents put pressure on "find a job, you need hobbies. " The daughter cuts her veins in response.

Therapist's note : A depressed person loses control of everything. Everyone around him is bombarding him with phrases like “have you tried [insert generic method 1]? What about [insert generic method 2]?”. The only way to get control of your life again is to say no, go to hell, I don't need your support. No, I'm not getting better. This is not a conscious rational resistance, but simply a natural reaction to pressure.

Suggestion : stop pushing. It won't help the cause at all.

Dad is stuck in a triangle between wife and daughter. He doesn't understand what to do. As a result, he is simply silent, taking a detached position

Proposal : you need to clearly distinguish between situations when the daughter wants to talk to him, and when to pass some information to her mother. The daughter's desire to distance herself from her mother (whom she recently stopped calling "mother"), of course, hurts his beloved woman. But sometimes you need to be closer to the child himself.

What does the daughter herself want? Why do parents come to therapy with the question "how to help her" without bringing her?

Suggestion : family therapy is a session aimed at restoring the resources of the parents themselves, who clearly need support.

Mom is very worried that she can no longer pretend that everything is in order.

Therapist's note: actually, you're really not all right. In addition, the daughter is really weighed down by the feeling that she has been lying all this time, "pretending" to be normal. As a result, parents' attempts to pretend that everything is under control create another parallel process: both parties feel the growing falsity in the relationship.

The child decides how to get well

Parents are glad that they turned to a specialist. Further efforts will be directed towards building healthy relationships in the family, since helping her daughter cope with the symptoms of bipolar disorder is the task of her personal therapy.

The general conclusions of the therapist are:

  • Hearing from a mother "I want my daughter to love something with all her heart" when it comes to a girl with a severe form of bipolar disorder is strange. First of all, we are talking about the treatment of the disease. A person in a state of depression does not fit at all with these standard advice in the style of "follow your dream." But if you explain to a person, he will understand. Mom seems to have heard. Another issue is that sometimes understanding parents is not such an important thing when compared with the amount of resources expended. You don't have to explain.
  • A person in a depression / depressive phase most often and without other people's advice understands that this is not life, but hell, and something needs to be done. Any pressure creates resistance.
  • The question of the general recovery of the child  —  this is very important, but it is decided in personal therapy by the child himself. In the context of working with parents, the most important thing is to restore the overall dynamics of relationships.

Parental Rescue Strategies

I think the idea of ​​creating parental support groups is very sound. We are very smart here with our English and access to resources, and our parents are poorly oriented due to lack of information. And yet, here are some other interesting sources on this topic.

1. "15 tips for parents of a child with bipolar disorder on how to deal with their child's outbursts."

2. Here are some more practical tips for parents of children with bipolar disorder.

3. And here is the personal experience of the mother of an adult son, who was first treated for addiction, and only then the correct diagnosis was made.

4. Rescue Strategies for Parents of a Bipolar Child.

In a nutshell, these are the rescue strategies.