How to make a child behave

What’s the Best Way to Discipline My Child?

Family Life

Listen

Español

Text Size

As a parent, one of your jobs to teach your child to behave. It's a job that takes time and patience. But, it helps to learn the effective and healthy discipline strategies.

Here are some tips from the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) on the best ways to help your child learn acceptable behavior as they grow.

10 healthy discipline strategies that work

The AAP recommends positive discipline strategies that effectively teach children to manage their behavior and keep them from harm while promoting healthy development. These include:

Show and tell. Teach children right from wrong with calm words and actions. Model behaviors you would like to see in your children.
Set limits. Have clear and consistent rules your children can follow. Be sure to explain these rules in age-appropriate terms they can understand.
Give consequences. Calmly and firmly explain the consequences if they don't behave. For example, tell her that if she does not pick up her toys, you will put them away for the rest of the day. Be prepared to follow through right away. Don't give in by giving them back after a few minutes. But remember, never take away something your child truly needs, such as a meal.
Hear them out. Listening is important. Let your child finish the story before helping solve the problem. Watch for times when misbehavior has a pattern, like if your child is feeling jealous. Talk with your child about this rather than just giving consequences.
Give them your attention. The most powerful tool for effective discipline is attention—to reinforce good behaviors and discourage others. Remember, all children want their parent's attention.
Catch them being good. Children need to know when they do something bad--and when they do something good. Notice good behavior and point it out, praising success and good tries. Be specific (for example, "Wow, you did a good job putting that toy away!").
Know when not to respond. As long as your child isn't doing something dangerous and gets plenty of attention for good behavior, ignoring bad behavior can be an effective way of stopping it. Ignoring bad behavior can also teach children natural consequences of their actions. For example, if your child keeps dropping her cookies on purpose, she will soon have no more cookies left to eat. If she throws and breaks her toy, she will not be able to play with it. It will not be long before she learns not to drop her cookies and to play carefully with her toys.
Be prepared for trouble. Plan ahead for situations when your child might have trouble behaving. Prepare them for upcoming activities and how you want them to behave.
Redirect bad behavior. Sometimes children misbehave because they are bored or don't know any better. Find something else for your child to do.
Call a time-out. A time-out can be especially useful when a specific rule is broken. This discipline tool works best by warning children they will get a time out if they don't stop, reminding them what they did wrong in as few words―and with as little emotion―as possible, and removing them from the situation for a pre-set length of time (1 minute per year of age is a good rule of thumb). With children who are at least 3 years old, you can try letting their children lead their own time-out instead of setting a timer. You can just say, "Go to time out and come back when you feel ready and in control." This strategy, which can help the child learn and practice self-management skills, also works well for older children and teens.

Spanking and harsh words are harmful and don't work. Here's why:

The AAP policy statement, "Effective Discipline to Raise Healthy Children," highlights why it's important to focus on teaching good behavior rather than punishing bad behavior. Research shows that spanking, slapping and other forms of physical punishment don't work well to correct a child's behavior. The same holds true for yelling at or shaming a child. Beyond being ineffective, harsh physical and verbal punishments can also damage a child's long-term physical and mental health.

Spanking's unhealthy cycle. The AAP advises that parents and caregivers should not spank or hit children. Instead of teaching responsibility and self-control, spanking often increases aggression and anger in children. A study of children born in 20 large U.S. cities found that families who used physical punishment got caught in a negative cycle: the more children were spanked, the more they later misbehaved, which prompted more spankings in response. Spanking's effects may also be felt beyond the parent-child relationship. Because it teaches that causing someone pain is OK if you're frustrated—even with those you love. Children who are spanked may be more likely to hit others when they don't get what they want.
Lasting marks. Physical punishment increases the risk of injury, especially in children under 18 months of age, and may leave other measurable marks on the brain and body. Children who are spanked show higher levels of hormones tied to toxic stress. Physical punishment may also affect brain development. One study found that young adults who were spanked repeatedly had less gray matter, the part of the brain involved with self-control, and performed lower on IQ tests as young adults than the control group.
Verbal abuse: How words hurt. Yelling at children and using words to cause emotional pain or shame also has been found to be ineffective and harmful. Harsh verbal discipline, even by parents who are otherwise warm and loving, can lead to more misbehavior and mental health problems in children. Research shows that harsh verbal discipline, which becomes more common as children get older, may lead to more behavior problems and symptoms of depression in teens.

Learn from mistakes—including your own

Remember that, as a parent, you can give yourself a time out if you feel out of control. Just make sure your child is in a safe place, and then give yourself a few minutes to take a few deep breaths, relax or call a friend. When you are feeling better, go back to your child, hug each other, and start over.

If you do not handle a situation well the first time, try not to worry about it. Think about what you could have done differently and try to do it the next time. If you feel you have made a real mistake in the heat of the moment, wait to cool down, apologize to your child, and explain how you will handle the situation in the future. Be sure to keep your promise. This gives your child a good model of how to recover from mistakes.

Healthy & effective discipline tips by age/stage

Infants	Babies learn by watching what you do, so set examples of behavior you expect. Use positive language to guide your baby. For example, say, "Time to sit," rather than, "Don't stand." Save the word, "no," for the most important issues, like safety. Limit the need to say "no" by putting dangerous or tempting objects out of reach. Distracting and replacing a dangerous or forbidden object with one that is okay to play with is a good strategy at this age. All children, including babies, need consistent discipline, so talk with your partner, family members, and child care provider to set basic rules everyone follows.
Toddlers	Your child is starting to recognize what's allowed and what isn't but may test some rules to see how you react. Pay attention to and praise behaviors you like and ignore those you want to discourage. Redirect to a different activity when needed. Tantrums can become more common as your child struggles to master new skills and situations. Anticipate tantrum triggers, like being tired or hungry, and help head them off with well-timed naps and meals. Teach your toddler not to hit, bite, or use other aggressive behaviors. Model nonviolent behavior by not spanking your toddler and by handling conflict with your partner in a constructive way. Stay consistent in enforcing limits. Try short time-outs if needed. Acknowledge conflicts between siblings but avoid taking sides. For example, if an argument arises about a toy, the toy can be put away.
Preschool Age	Preschool-age children are still trying to understand how and why things work and what effect their actions have. As they learn appropriate behavior, expect them to continue testing the limits of parents and siblings. Begin assigning age-appropriate chores, like putting their toys away. Give simple, step-by-step directions. Reward them with praise. Allow your child to make choices among acceptable alternatives, redirecting and setting sensible limits. Teach your child to treat others as she wants to be treated. Explain that it's OK to feel mad sometimes, but not to hurt someone or break things. Teach them how to deal with angry feelings in positive ways, like talking about it. To resolve conflicts, use time-outs or remove the source of conflict.
Gradeschool-Age Children	Your child is beginning to get a sense of right and wrong. Talk about the choices they have in difficult situations, what are the good and bad options, and what might come next depending on how they decide to act. Talk about family expectations and reasonable consequences for not following family rules. Provide a balance of privileges and responsibility, giving children more privileges when they follow rules of good behavior. Continue to teach and model patience, concern and respect for others. Don't let yourself or others use physical punishment. If you live in an area where corporal punishment is allowed in schools, you have the right to say that your child may not be spanked.
Adolescents & Teens	As your teen develops more independent decision-making skills, you'll need to balance your unconditional love and support with clear expectations, rules, and boundaries. Continue to show plenty of affection and attention. Make time every day to talk. Young people are more likely to make healthy choices if they stay connected with family members. Get to know your teen's friends and talk about responsible and respectful relationships. Acknowledge your teen's efforts, achievements, and success in what they do―and don't do. Praise the choice to avoid using tobacco, e-cigarettes, alcohol, or other drugs. Set a good example through your own responsible use of alcohol and other substances.

More information

15 Tips to Survive the Terrible 3's
How to Shape and Manage Your Young Child's Behavior
Disciplining Older Children
How to Give a Time-Out
Effective Discipline to Raise Healthy Children (AAP Policy Statement)

Last Updated: 11/5/2018

Source: American Academy of Pediatrics (Copyright © 2018)

The information contained on this Web site should not be used as a substitute for the medical care and advice of your pediatrician. There may be variations in treatment that your pediatrician may recommend based on individual facts and circumstances.

How to Get Your Kids to Behave

Surprise. You might first have to change your own behavior.

Written by Jane Meredith Adams

Reviewed by Gary D. Vogin, MD

I am no Captain von Trapp and yet, as the mother of 21-month-old twins, there lurks within me a certain envy of how the "Sound of Music" patriarch managed his brood. In the movie's party scene, his seven neatly outfitted children serenade a charmed group of guests, then march off to their rooms for bed. My kids are too young to march and just last week they mutinied out of their high chairs, climbed onto the kitchen table, and flung around wads of raisin toast, without so much as a chorus of "My Favorite Things." Stunned, overwhelmed, and prematurely fatigued, I was left once again to consider my disciplinary failings.

And that may have been my first mistake.

According to a new breed of discipline experts, parents who flail themselves for not being able to control their toddlers and make them do what they should do, for heaven's sake, might be better off taking a fresh look at the whole parent-child dynamic. Forget about time-outs, they say, forget about punishment entirely. These experts advocate no begging, no manipulation, no threats, no giving up -- and they're not talking about the kids, they're talking about how the parents behave. That's the gist of this more gentle approach to discipline: if parents can teach themselves to act assertively, kindly, and responsibly, they have a good chance of teaching their children to do the same.

While time-outs were designed as a way to let a child cool off by himself and face the consequences of misbehaving, these experts say placing an angry child alone is needlessly harsh. "What does a time-out do?" asks Martha Heineman Pieper, PhD, co-author of Smart Love. "It teaches children that when they're upset, you don't want to be around them." Her suggestion: "Say, 'I'm sorry you feel bad. I'll sit here with you until you feel better.' "

Jane Nelsen, Ed.D., author of Positive Discipline for Pre-Schoolers, concurs. It's misguided to think that a child will go to her room and think about what she's done wrong, says Nelsen. "The child's thinking about how not to get caught next time or, worse, that she's a bad person."

Called "loving regulation," "turning conflict into cooperation," and "positive discipline," these gentle techniques are not easy, but experts say the benefits are enormous: self-disciplined parents breed self-disciplined children. "This is about learning to change your own behavior, and your children's behavior, so that you can embrace and resolve conflict, and enjoy life," says Becky Bailey, Ph.D., author of Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline.

But how? The first step, says Bailey, is for parents to look at themselves: Are they assertive or passive? Do they flee from conflict or step in to problem-solve? Parents can't teach skills they don't have, she says. Prepared with the right tools, parents needn't shrink from an angry child, these experts say. Just as adults respond better when they feel supported, instead of criticized, so do children, says Heineman Pieper, "You can be in charge of your child without ever making them feel disapproved of, or punished. "

"I don't believe in punishment at all," says Nelsen. "Sometimes parents get fooled because it works, but the long-range results are rebellion, revenge, and retreat."

The root of gentle discipline, Bailey says, is to verbalize the loving thoughts that lurk behind fear-based statements. Instead of yelling, "Get over here or you'll get lost!" Bailey suggests saying, "Stay close to me in the store so I can keep you safe. If something happened to you, I would be sad. I love having you with me."

Another principle is for parents to tell their child what to do, instead of what not to do. A toddler who is told, "Don't touch the stereo!" will likely reach out and touch the stereo, says Bailey. A better statement might be, "You see the stereo. Now let's look at this truck!"

Most of all, don't forget you are dealing with joyous, curious toddlers. "It can be a lot easier," says Heineman Pieper, "if you don't feel your 2-year-old needs to act like a 22-year-old."

At my house, these new techniques have been working. At breakfast lately, there has been no toast flinging and no climbing on the table. We've made a trade: I've given up the idea that they'll sit quietly in their high chairs, and in response to my new, relaxed attitude, they seem to have softened their rebellion. Reasonably, lovingly, I place them at the table, seated in the grown-up chairs. When my daughter lifts her arm for a toast-toss, I take the toast away and give her a tennis ball to throw. For the moment, anyway, they're happy, I'm happy. We'll see what happens next.

Forget About Time-Outs?

While some discipline experts have rejected the idea of time-outs, Jane Nelsen, author of Positive Time-Out, suggests modifying time-outs to make them a comforting experience. Children under 3 years old should not be placed in any kind of time-out, she says, but older children can have what she calls "positive time-outs." This means a child, often accompanied by her parent, goes to a "feel-good" place to calm down before trying to learn from the conflict.

Have the child create the time-out place, stock it with stuffed animals and books, and call it by a name: the quiet-time spot or Hawaii. "Many people object that positive time-out is a reward for misbehavior," says Nelsen. "But a misbehaving child is a discouraged child. The most effective way to deal with misbehavior is to help children feel encouraged so their motive for misbehaving is removed."

She suggests this approach: "Would it help you to go to your feel-good place now? Would you like me to go with you?" If the child says, no, the parent answers, "Fine, I think I'll go myself."

Parents can model the value of a positive time-out, particularly with older children. Nelsen gives this example: Barbara's 9-year-old son had come home late and Barbara had been worried sick. When Rick appeared, she realized anger had the upper hand. She said, "Rick, I'm glad you're okay -- I've been worried. But right now I'm so upset that I need to take time out to calm down before we discuss what has happened. "

Gentle Discipline Tips

Three experts -- Becky Bailey, Martha Heineman Pieper, and Jane Nelsen -- who have written extensively on the new, enlightened approach to parenting young children, offer these suggestions for dealing with toddlers.

Stop the power struggle by disengaging. Don't jump into the fray with a 2-year-old. Take a deep breath and stay calm.
Give toddlers limited choices instead of demands. Ask, "Would you like to pick up the books by yourself or would you like my help?"
Get children involved in working with you. Toddlers need power and autonomy. Instead of telling a toddler to stay out of the trash, ask him to help put something in the trash, and then close the lid.
Be specific and assertive, not vague and passive. Don't ask, "Why did you take those scissors? Can't you be nice?" Do say, "Give me the scissors. These are too sharp. They could cut you. I will get you a plastic pair."
Notice, don't judge. Noticing your children encourages them without classifying them as "good" or "bad. " Instead of saying, "You are such a good boy," say "You showed your friend how to butter his bread without tearing it. That was helpful."
If your child struggles with a going-to-bed routine, take photographs of him putting on his pajamas, brushing his teeth, reading a book, and so on. Mount the photos on a "bedtime" poster and let the poster be the boss. Ask, "What do we do next in our good night routine?"
Take time to enjoy your children. Roll around with them, play with them, laugh with them.
Feed yourself positive messages. When faced with a conflict, don't tell yourself you can't handle it. Tell yourself that you will figure out what to do.

Jane Meredith Adams has been a staff writer for The Boston Globe and has written for numerous other publications. She is based in San Francisco.

How to teach a child to behave

Why does a normally obedient and calm baby suddenly start to behave badly? And most importantly, how to teach a child to behave well so that he achieves his goal not by whims, but by peaceful means?

Where does bad (in other words, undesirable for parents) behavior of a child come from? What makes a normally obedient and calm baby start acting up? And most importantly, how to teach a child to behave well? These questions concern all parents without exception, and, fortunately, child psychologists are ready to answer them.

First step: let's figure out why the child misbehaves?

Unwanted behavior always has a purpose. And if parents look closely at the behavior of the baby and the situation in which he behaved badly, with a high degree of probability they will see three main goals: to get what they want, to avoid something unpleasant, difficult or boring, to attract attention.

For example, the baby is playing calmly, the parents are minding their own business; and suddenly he destroys a house barely built of cubes and starts crying. Parents come running to the noise and tears. The child just needed to get their attention, and he succeeded. Another thing is why did he choose this particular way to attract attention? Maybe the parents did not pay attention to more peaceful appeals?

How does behavior work and where does it come from?

Any situation can be decomposed into three stages. The kid wanted to get candy in the store - this is an incentive for his further actions. He began to loudly beg and cry - the actual action. And, in the end, the child received the desired sweetness - this is a consequence. At the same time, the third point may be different: parents get angry or ignore whims, and the baby does not get what he wants.

As it becomes clear, a lot depends on the stimulus and the consequences that pushed the baby to undesirable behavior. And parents will be able to correct his behavior if they use simple tricks or adapt them to their relationship with the child.

How can I help my child behave well?

A child's good behavior is the result of the joint "creativity" of the whole family. In this process, parents listen sensitively to the baby in order to understand his goals, correct incentives and respond to the behavior of the crumbs with adequate consequences.

If the baby achieves what he wants by whims. Let's go back to the situation that was described above. You and your child go to the store, where their attention is drawn to a candy that you did not plan to buy.

Psychologists recommend "foreseeing" the occurrence of such a situation and removing its likelihood. So, if you give a baby a candy at home - before going to the store, he most likely will not pay attention to sweets in the supermarket. Another option is to let your baby know in advance what exactly you plan to buy, as well as discuss the purchases that you are not going to make this time.

As for the investigation, if you give in to whims and buy a coveted candy in order to calm the child down as soon as possible, you should expect a repetition of the story with crying and requests. Another thing is if you didn’t buy candy, they explained why, and even the cartoon was banned from watching as a punishment for misconduct.

If the child tries to avoid unpleasant activities with the help of unwanted behavior . For example, we are talking about developmental activities. Start by drastically reducing the difficulty - give simple tasks and encourage. And use the "sandwich principle": choose three tasks - very simple, with which the lesson will begin, the most unpleasant and difficult for the child, and the third - the most pleasant.

The first one will be easy for him to start. In anticipation of the third - pleasant, he will have a desire to quickly do the second, difficult. It is important before you start exercising to voice the work plan to the baby so that he knows what awaits him.

And be sure to remember that the child is waiting for your praise, hugs, kisses - actions, gestures and words that will convey your love and approval to him. Such encouragement is the best way to consolidate the successes achieved in any business!

How to teach a child social norms: 10 main mistakes of parents - Parents.ru You will learn a lot about yourself and, perhaps, rethink your own value system. You have to not only give an idea of the laws and rules of human coexistence, but try to make the child accept them with all his being.

This is not about external observance of decency or blind obedience to power, but a deep understanding and acceptance of the foundations of life in a society built on the observance of certain rules. The baby feels like the center of the universe, a one and a half year old baby is sure that he can get everything he wants from loving parents. A power-hungry child can look charming, and parents (sometimes unconsciously) are in no hurry to deprive their child of the illusion of omnipotence. Sometimes this happens without their participation - in kindergarten or even at school.

No matter how hard you try to say the right things, the child sees how you behave, and it is your behavior, not words, that serve as an example for him.

Konrad Lorenz said that thousands of children became unhappy neurotics as a result of being raised according to the principle "My child should never be dissatisfied." Meanwhile, the ability to accept limitations in time and space is an invaluable quality, without which a child will not be able to develop patience, perseverance and willpower. “Living in a civilized society, we can think and speak freely, but we cannot act as we please, without regard to general rules,” says psychoanalyst Claude Almos. - It is necessary to convey to the child that the rules exist not only for him and parents also obey them. The laws are the same for everyone, and they cannot be violated with impunity.”

It is very important that the child understands the meaning of prohibitions. If there are no rules and everyone does what they want, life will become very difficult due to the constant danger of becoming a victim of crime.

Two main "no"

First - you can not beat other (of course, except for self-defense). You can explain this rule to a kid simply: “Your dad does not go to fight with a neighbor if, for example, he turns on the TV too loudly. And you can't beat a buddy."

Second - you cannot dispose of what belongs to another . You can’t take away other people’s toys, spoil other people’s clothes, etc. “You can’t take this doll because it was presented to Nastya and she needs it. You won't like it if someone takes the ball from you." It is never too early to start instilling these rules, but you should not expect the baby to begin to understand what another person feels, not earlier than 2-3 years old, when the child will achieve a certain autonomy in controlling his body and will be able to do without outside help in the usual daily manipulations: learn dress, eat, use the toilet on their own ... Until this time, the child has not yet completely separated himself from his mother. In order to be able to put himself in the place of another, he first needs to get an idea of himself, existing separately from others.

The golden rule

Formulate the main rule and say it as often as possible, illustrating with real and fictional stories and, most importantly, with your own actions. For many families it sounds like this: "Treat others as you would like to be treated. " Surely you have met children and parents who, by their behavior, and primarily by their attitude towards others, unobtrusively change the whole atmosphere on the playground. They stand in line for the slide, share toys, do not start quarrels and simply radiate peace and goodwill. If you admire these well-behaved children, pay attention to how their parents talk to them. We influence children primarily by how we treat them, and children will treat others the way their parents treat them.

Research shows that kind, compassionate children are not only successful, but also loved by others, have high self-esteem, and are better able to resist peer pressure.

Explaining the meaning of the rules is easier and much more pleasant, not by punishing violations, but by encouraging desirable behavior. Try to accurately describe the valuable quality for which you praise. Explain why we do things the way we do. Focus on feelings. For example, a dad, while walking with a three-year-old son, stops to help an unknown girl fix a bicycle, and then, smiling, says to the boy: “It's nice when you can help another!” Take time to do something nice in front of your child: explain the way to a visitor, open the door to a disabled person or a person loaded with purchases. If you're buying a ticket to a charity play, tell your child where the money is going. You can take things with your child to an orphanage or to a temple. Go together to an elderly lonely neighbor, take an interest in her health and ask if you need to buy food for her ... Every night before going to bed, you can come up with a new story together, the hero of which will be your child, or create a whole collection of drawings about your good deeds.

Photo: Geber86/Getty Images

A child has rights too

At the same time, you cannot demand respect from a child for other people while at the same time disrespecting him or her. If, as punishment for breaking a window, you confiscated the ball you gave, the child will understand it this way: you do not have to break what belongs to me, but I, your mother, can take away from you what was given to you. By forbidding taking away toys from other children, you break your own rule if you throw away your son's old truck without asking his opinion. Do not ignore the child's right to have his own things and attachments, even if they are incomprehensible and of no value to you. It is with their help that the child creates his own space and gets an idea about its boundaries, and subsequently about the boundaries of the personal space of others.

Ten mistakes you shouldn't make

To believe that the child will grow up and understand and learn all the rules (for example, that they will "explain" them to him at school or in the yard). To grow up, he needs your help.
Thinking it's enough to explain the rules once. Requires multiple repetition and consolidation. In addition, a phase of protest and testing of boundaries by the child is inevitable.
Prohibit too much. Restrictions must be reasonable and appropriate for the child's age.
Give orders without explanation, demand unconditional obedience . The child will definitely find an opportunity to realize repressed desires later, and most likely not in the most harmless form. The rigid authoritarian parenting style is dangerous because the child, having become an adult, will reproduce it in his life, establishing relationships with people exclusively in the range “from tyrant to victim”.
Promise punishment for breaking a rule and "forget" about it. It is important to show that unacceptable behavior always has consequences.
Do not follow the sequence in the restrictions, prohibit today what was allowed yesterday. The child must feel the predictability of the world around him, otherwise he will get confused and stop understanding what is expected of him.
To feel guilty about depriving the child of something that can give him pleasure. Some parents (most often those who did not receive enough love in childhood or suffer from a lack of support now) find it difficult to get used to the idea that from time to time they will have to disappoint a child.
To think that by forbidding you become a less loving parent. On the contrary, you show much more love, patience, ingenuity, raising a child than indulging him in everything. And he begins to see in you an interesting, strong, creative personality, and not a tool for implementing all his whims.
To blame not the act, but the child himself, “stick labels” . If the kid took a chocolate bar without asking in the store, in no case do not humiliate him, do not shame him publicly, do not call him a thief. You need to calmly, using a minimum of words, choosing understandable expressions, explain what theft is and how society relates to it.
Read long notations, indulge in lengthy explanations . The kid simply does not understand you, gets bored and stops listening. Instead of moralizing, practice writing fairy tales, stories, poems.

Photo: Thanasis Zovoilis/Getty Images

If a child doesn't want to obey...

You've set boundaries and made every effort to explain to your child their meaning, but your child doesn't want to follow any rules. Most likely, behind his resistance lies the need for more attention, a signal that the rhythm of your life does not satisfy his needs. If the child already speaks well enough, try to listen to him, helping him express his feelings. Do not scold or shame, but try to understand and support. This can not be done on the go, choose a special time.

Attention!

Even your most seemingly insignificant act carries a message. For example, obscene language is prohibited in the family, but when you are upset, you allow yourself to insert a strong word from time to time. The child can “read” it like this: if you are in a bad mood, the rules are cancelled. If you can't help it, tell your child you're wrong.

But most often the child refuses to obey because the boundaries set by the parents have vulnerabilities, and this is always connected with the child's experiences of the parent himself. If he was brought up without any restrictions, it is difficult for him to set guidelines for his own children. The opposite situation: one of the parents (or even both) in childhood felt like a victim of the arbitrariness of adults. In his memory, the idea of prohibitions is associated with violence and humiliation, and, consciously or unconsciously, he is afraid to reproduce this situation in his family. If you have found the courage to admit that such a problem exists, contact a psychologist. Sometimes a few sessions are enough to significantly improve the situation.

Respect boundaries

It would be naive to assume that after one or two of your explanations of the rules of behavior, a three-year-old kid will learn them and turn into an obedient sheep. Nature itself pushes him to test the severity of prohibitions and your willpower again and again, moreover, it is very difficult for him to refuse to satisfy his desires. Many parents instead of punishment use the practice of time-outs, allowing the child to calm down and switch, and the parent to regain control over his behavior.

When you notice unwanted behavior, you make the first comment and show one finger. Say at the same time: "This is one." If there is no response, keep reading. On the count of three, the child goes for a five-minute "respite" to his room or another place that you deem suitable for this purpose. The main thing is that after the timeout there should be no explanations, apologies, discussions. As much as you would like to give a mini-lecture, remain silent. If a child wants to hug you, do not refuse him. If he behaves well, praise him. You won't have to scream and do things you'll later regret. In any case, if you think that punishment is necessary, do not rush.