How does fas affect a child

Basics about FASDs | CDC

Español (Spanish)

Fetal alcohol spectrum disorders (FASDs) are a group of conditions that can occur in a person who was exposed to alcohol before birth. These effects can include physical problems and problems with behavior and learning. Often, a person with an FASD has a mix of these problems.

Cause and Prevention

FASDs can occur when a person is exposed to alcohol before birth. Alcohol in the mother’s blood passes to the baby through the umbilical cord.

There is no known safe amount of alcohol during pregnancy or when trying to get pregnant. There is also no safe time to drink during pregnancy. Alcohol can cause problems for a developing baby throughout pregnancy, including before a woman knows she’s pregnant. All types of alcohol are equally harmful, including all wines and beer.

To prevent FASDs, a woman should avoid alcohol if she is pregnant or might be pregnant. This is because a woman could get pregnant and not know for up to 4 to 6 weeks.

It is never too late to stop alcohol use during pregnancy. Because brain growth takes place throughout pregnancy, stopping alcohol use will improve the baby’s health and well-being. Resources are available here.

FASDs are preventable if a baby is not exposed to alcohol before birth.

Signs and Symptoms

FASDs refer to a collection of diagnoses that represent the range of effects that can happen to a person who was exposed to alcohol before birth. These conditions can affect each person in different ways, and can range from mild to severe.

A person with an FASD might have:

Low body weight
Poor coordination
Hyperactive behavior
Difficulty with attention
Poor memory
Difficulty in school (especially with math)
Learning disabilities
Speech and language delays
Intellectual disability or low IQ
Poor reasoning and judgment skills
Sleep and sucking problems as a baby
Vision or hearing problems
Problems with the heart, kidneys, or bones
Shorter-than-average height
Small head size
Abnormal facial features, such as a smooth ridge between the nose and upper lip (this ridge is called the philtrum)

FASD Fact Sheet

FASD Diagnoses

Different FASD diagnoses are based on particular symptoms and include:

Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS): FAS represents the most involved end of the FASD spectrum. People with FAS have central nervous system (CNS) problems, minor facial features, and growth problems. People with FAS can have problems with learning, memory, attention span, communication, vision, or hearing. They might have a mix of these problems. People with FAS often have a hard time in school and trouble getting along with others.
Alcohol-Related Neurodevelopmental Disorder (ARND): People with ARND might have intellectual disabilities and problems with behavior and learning. They might do poorly in school and have difficulties with math, memory, attention, judgment, and poor impulse control.
Alcohol-Related Birth Defects (ARBD): People with ARBD might have problems with the heart, kidneys, or bones or with hearing. They might have a mix of these.
People with ND-PAE have problems with thinking, behavior, and life skills. ND-PAE occurs from being exposed to alcohol during pregnancy.

Neurobehavioral Disorder Associated with Prenatal Alcohol Exposure (ND-PAE): ND-PAE was first included as a recognized condition in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual 5 (DSM 5) of the American Psychiatric Association (APA) in 2013. A child or youth with ND-PAE will have problems in three areas: (1) thinking and memory, where the child may have trouble planning or may forget material he or she has already learned, (2) behavior problems, such as severe tantrums, mood issues (for example, irritability), and difficulty shifting attention from one task to another, and (3) trouble with day-to-day living, which can include problems with bathing, dressing for the weather, and playing with other children. In addition, to be diagnosed with ND-PAE, the mother of the child must have consumed more than minimal levels of alcohol before the child’s birth, which APA defines as more than 13 alcoholic drinks per month of pregnancy (that is, any 30-day period of pregnancy) or more than 2 alcoholic drinks in one sitting.

The term fetal alcohol effects (FAE) was previously used to describe intellectual disabilities and problems with behavior and learning in a person whose mother drank alcohol during pregnancy. In 1996, the Institute of Medicine (IOM) replaced FAE with the terms alcohol-related neurodevelopmental disorder (ARND) and alcohol-related birth defects (ARBD).

Areas Evaluated for FASD Diagnoses

The term FASDs is not meant for use as a clinical diagnosis.

Diagnosing FASDs can be hard because there is no medical test, like a blood test, for these conditions. And other disorders, such as ADHD (attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder) and Williams syndrome, have some symptoms like FAS.

To diagnose FASDs, doctors look for:

Prenatal alcohol exposure; although confirmation is not required to make a diagnosis
Central nervous system problems (e.g., small head size, problems with attention and hyperactivity, poor coordination)
Lower-than-average height, weight, or both
Abnormal facial features (e.g., smooth ridge between nose and upper lip)

Treatment

FASDs last a lifetime. There is no cure for FASDs, but research shows that early intervention treatment services can improve a child’s development.

There are many types of treatment options, including medication to help with some symptoms, behavior and education therapy, parent training, and other alternative approaches. No one treatment is right for every child. Good treatment plans will include close monitoring, follow-ups, and changes as needed along the way.

Also, “protective factors” can help reduce the effects of FASDs and help people with these conditions reach their full potential.^{1, 2}

Protective factors include:

Diagnosis before 6 years of age
Loving, nurturing, and stable home environment during the school years
Absence of violence
Involvement in special education and social services

Learn more about treatments »

Get Help!

If you or the doctor thinks there could be a problem, ask the doctor for a referral to a specialist (someone who knows about FASDs), such as a developmental pediatrician, child psychologist, or clinical geneticist. In some cities, there are clinics whose staffs have special training in diagnosing and treating children with FASDs. To find doctors and clinics in your area visit the National and State Resource Directoryexternal icon from FASD United (formerly NOFAS).

At the same time as you ask the doctor for a referral to a specialist, call your state or territory’s early intervention program to request a free evaluation to find out if your child can get services to help. This is sometimes called a Child Find evaluation. You do not need to wait for a doctor’s referral or a medical diagnosis to make this call.

Where to call for a free evaluation from the state depends on your child’s age:

If your child is younger than 3 years old, Call your state or territory’s early intervention program and say: “I have concerns about my child’s development and I would like to have my child evaluated to find out if he/she is eligible for early intervention services.”

Find your state’s early intervention contact information here.
Learn more about early intervention »external icon

If your child is 3 years old or older, contact your local public school system.
Even if your child is not old enough for kindergarten or enrolled in a public school, call your local elementary school or board of education and ask to speak with someone who can help you have your child evaluated.
Learn more about this process »external icon

For tips on sharing concerns about a child’s development, click on one of the following:

Parent to Physicianexternal icon

Physician to Parentexternal icon

Parent to Parentexternal icon

References

Streissguth, A.P., Bookstein, F.L., Barr, H.M., Sampson, P.D., O’Malley, K., & Young, J.K. (2004). Risk factors for adverse life outcomes in fetal alcohol syndrome and fetal alcohol effects. Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics, 5(4), 228-238.

Streissguth, A.P., Barr, H.M., Kogan, J. & Bookstein, F. L., Understanding the occurrence of secondary disabilities in clients with fetal alcohol syndrome (FAS) and fetal alcohol effects (FAE). Final report to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). Seattle: University of Washington, Fetal Alcohol & Drug Unit; August 1996. Tech. Rep. No. 96-06.

Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (for Parents)

What Is Fetal Alcohol Syndrome?

Babies whose mothers drank alcohol during their pregnancy can be born with birth defects and developmental disabilities. The problems that can happen when babies are exposed to alcohol are grouped together and called fetal alcohol spectrum disorders (FASDs). These include a wide range of physical, behavioral, and learning problems. The most severe type of FASD is fetal alcohol syndrome (FAS).

How Does Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Affect Children?

Children with fetal alcohol syndrome have facial features such as small eyes, a thin upper lip, and a smooth philtrum (the groove between nose and upper lip).

They also can have:

Poor growth. Newborns may have low birth weights and small heads. They may not grow or gain weight as well as other children.
Birth defects. FAS can cause heart, bone, and kidney problems. Vision problems and hearing loss are common.
Seizures and other neurologic problems, such as learning disabilities, and poor balance and coordination.
Delayed development. Kids may not reach milestones at the expected time.
Behavioral problems. Babies may be fussy or jittery, and have trouble sleeping. Older children and teens may have:
- a lack of coordination and poor fine-motor skills
- trouble getting along with friends and relating to others
- learning problems (especially in math), poor memory, and poor problem-solving skills
- behavior problems such as hyperactivity, poor attention and concentration, and impulsiveness

Children with other FASDs have many of the same problems, but usually to a lesser degree.

How Is Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Diagnosed?

Doctors can diagnose the condition based on a baby’s symptoms, especially if they know that the mother drank during pregnancy. In children with milder problems, FASD can be harder to diagnose. No blood test or other medical test can diagnose FASD.

The child may go to see a team of specialists who can help make the diagnosis. They might include a developmental pediatrician, neurologist, genetic specialist, speech therapist, occupational therapist, and psychologist.

How Is Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Treated?

There is no cure for fetal alcohol syndrome or other FASDs. But many things can help children reach their full potential, especially if the problem is found early.

Kids can benefit from:

early intervention services and special education in school
speech-language therapy, occupational therapy, and physical therapy
classes that teach kids social skills
counseling with a mental health professional

Doctors may prescribe medicines to help with related problems, such as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), depression, aggressive behavior, sleep problems, and anxiety.

Parent training can help caregivers learn how to best care for a child with FAS and handle any problem behaviors.

Can Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Be Prevented?

Alcohol use (beer, wine, or hard liquor) during pregnancy is the leading cause of preventable birth defects and intellectual disabilities in the United States.

Fetal alcohol syndrome and other FASDs can be prevented by not drinking any alcohol during pregnancy. A woman shouldn’t drink if she’s trying to get pregnant or thinks she may be pregnant. If a pregnant woman does drink, the sooner she stops, the better it will be for her baby’s health.

Alcohol easily passes through the placenta, the organ that nourishes a baby during pregnancy. So no amount of alcohol is safe to drink during pregnancy. Even a little bit of alcohol can harm a developing fetus and increase the risk of miscarriage.

How Can Parents Help?

Children with FASD tend to be friendly and cheerful and enjoy social interaction. But caring for a child with this syndrome can be a challenge. Kids will have lifelong physical, learning, and behavioral problems.

Besides early intervention services and support from your child's school, providing a stable, nurturing, and safe home environment can help reduce the effects of an FASD. Don't be afraid to get help, if needed. Talk to your child's doctor or other members of the care team.

Caregivers should take care of themselves too. Support groups and counselors can help. It's also important to get help for a parent or caregiver who struggles with alcohol addiction.

For more information, visit:

National Organization on Fetal Alcohol Syndrome

Reviewed by: Mary L. Gavin, MD

Date reviewed: November 2020

Why is fast food dangerous? - Official website of the Administration of St. Petersburg

June 11, 2015

The term of Western origin - Fast food (fast food) has long been established in the everyday life of a Russian person as a synonym for harmful and unhealthy food. In addition to the fact that this food is quite affordable, it is also liked not only by adults, but also by children, who, due to their age, do not think at all about the dangers of such food. In our country, such an industry is young and so far the harm of fast food is not strongly felt, but with current trends in its development, everything goes to the point that in a few years the consumption of such unhealthy food will become a completely ordinary food for any resident of Russia, and of course this will most of all affect the health of the younger generation. There is almost no fiber in this food, which means that it stagnates in the intestines, ferments and rots there, leads to bloating, abdominal discomfort, and contributes to constipation. In addition, the absorption of vitamins and iron is disturbed - this leads to anemia and a decrease in immunity. Gradually, due to overstrain of the pancreas, pancreatitis and diabetes develop.

Such products are very high in calories, because they contain a lot of fat and sugar, the recipe for their preparation is aimed directly at winning the love of the buyer and does not care at all about the usefulness of the product, and therefore all the calories that we get along with this food, are completely empty, and rather quickly deposited in the form of excess fat, primarily in the abdomen and buttocks, and after a very short period of time we feel hungry again, despite the fact that the past food has not yet been digested. As a result, we get an overloaded stomach, which should work in an enhanced mode, hence bloating, heaviness, discomfort and other digestive problems, from all this the stomach stretches over time, which leads to the need to eat more and more, respectively, an enlarged stomach and a lot of excess weight we get in the end.

In addition to excess weight and a large round belly, there is another harm of fast food, this is a high cholesterol content, which over time can cause a number of problems with the heart and blood vessels. The increased content of cholesterol is due to the fact that a large amount of oil and fat is used in cooking, which is also used more than once, and with repeated use of vegetable oil, carcinogens and toxic substances are released from it into food, which can affect the formation of malignant tumors in the stomach and intestines.

Fast food and children

Children love the excitement and anticipation of the new and different, and manufacturers of all children's goods, including food products, are well aware of this. Therefore, favorite cartoon characters appear on packages and labels, packages are full of games and entertainment, and many promise a prize inside the pack. Seducing this baby is not difficult. In addition, manufacturers carry out quite active advertising, positioning the product as one of the best in its category, approved by one or another organization that inspires confidence - the Institute of Nutrition, the Association of Pediatricians, etc. This inspires confidence in parents, they offer these products to children.

In addition to bright advertising, the composition of the products itself also has an impact - they usually contain a lot of flavor enhancers, flavors, dyes - all of which are designed to affect the receptors and senses of the child and cause excitement. Against the background of chocolates, crackers and chips with their satiated taste, ordinary products with their natural taste - soups, cereals or goulash - seem almost tasteless.

Another important factor is the universal availability and low price of "harmful" products, while proper and nutritious nutrition is much more expensive.

From the point of view of children's nutrition, these dishes should be banned until about school, when the enzyme system of the liver and pancreas will be more or less able to digest them. What's wrong with them?

A ruddy crust on a roll, frying on a cutlet or meat are potential carcinogens (substances that promote the transformation of cells into cancerous ones). Such food often contains special substances - flavor enhancers, they stimulate the receptors of the tongue and give these dishes a pronounced taste and attractiveness. Monosodium glutamate is most commonly used, which is very harmful for children - after it all ordinary food seems tasteless, it causes addiction and affects health - it causes gastritis or colitis (inflammation of the colon). Flavorings and preservatives, which are abundant in fast foods, and colorings, especially in sodas, can cause a change in the immune system in children - children become allergic. In addition, these products often cause problems with stools, abdominal pain and disorders of the nervous system - sleep is disturbed, and children become excitable.

Fast food products usually contain the cheapest raw materials, they are usually seasoned with spicy, fatty or spicy sauces - mayonnaise, mustard or ketchup with various additives that irritate the child's digestion, can cause heartburn, nausea and even diarrhea. In addition, mayonnaise is also an excellent breeding ground for pathogenic microbes.

We suggest you not to deceive the child and not to invent stories - to explain everything as it is, in an accessible form. Eating right means eating healthy food. Food that benefits the body and has many nutritional properties. From childhood, we can teach our children, from the whole variety of products, to choose those that are really good for health. Make sure that your child's daily introduction to proper nutrition becomes a way of life for your family.

Point of (not) return: why foster parents refuse children and how to prevent it

"This is your mother now, say hello"

Almost two years ago, a child was born in the family of Natalia Tupyakova. Fourth. Then she did not even think that Gleb would become her son, she just learned from friends that one foster family could not cope with the boy and was returning him to the orphanage. And that this is the second return in the last two years - before that, Gleb had already been taken into the family, but also returned.

E-mail received a photo: eight-year-old boy, piercing eyes, funny protruding ears, blond cropped hair.

She thought she would take it for a while, because she already has three: a teenage son and adopted daughters with health problems. And no husband. And there is no apartment in Moscow - only a rented one.

But these arguments could not outweigh the one and only thought that was spinning in my head: the child must urgently look for another family, it is impossible to return to the orphanage.

Natalya Tupyakova with her children (from left to right): Gleb, blood son Rudolf, daughters Nadia and Ariana

"I said that I was ready to take the boy to me while they were looking for new parents. What would I try to obtain provisional custody, although there was little chance of my candidacy being approved."

At that time it seemed to Natalya that permission for guardianship was the main difficulty. After all, if the child is not immediately “taken over” by another family after returning, he is placed in the hospital for several weeks. Such rules: even if the child is not sick with anything, he must undergo a medical examination. During this time, guardianship will deal with documents and look for a place in the orphanage. He will be alone in the hospital - without an escort, a nanny, without a close adult who will come during visiting hours with a warm lunch in a thermos.

Almost always there is no one who wants to take care of a "rejected" child: the information that others have already failed to cope with him scares away the majority of potential parents. And from the hospital the child again goes to a government institution. That's why Natalya called back. And agreed.

“A couple of days later, in the morning, I arrived with the necessary documents to the guardianship, Gleb was brought there,” recalls Natalia. “I was very surprised, but they allowed me to pick him up. mom, say hello."

The boy came up and obediently took Natalya by the hand.

"Throw Me in the Trash"

Natalya Tupyakova still talks about what happened next, almost two years later, with excitement. A simple and understandable plan of action - Gleb lives with her for several weeks, and during this time custody finds him a new foster family - began to collapse literally the day after they met.

"We were standing with him at the bus stop and waiting for the bus," says Natalia. made comments, but I didn’t know how to behave.”

Then, at the bus stop, a months-long nightmare began in their family: Gleb offended children and pets - a cat and a dog, behaved defiantly rudely and indecently, threatened Natalia with suicide.

"Walked up and shouted: 'Give me a rope, I'll hang myself! I'll jump out of the window!" Then he grabbed a knife, waved it in the air, threatened to kill us all, shouted: "I hate you, aunts, you will return me anyway! Throw me in the trash! "At that moment I realized that I would not give it to anyone. "

I ask Natalya about pity for Gleb. About how she felt about him then. For what other reason can you voluntarily decide to raise a child who does not let you near him even a millimeter, demonstrates hatred and cruelty towards others?

Natalia speaks without a hint of pathos: she simply realized that no one but her would take him away.

Natalia and Gleb

"I clearly realized that even if he was taken into the family now, they would return him again and after that Gleb's behavior would only get worse, because the wounds inflicted on him would become deeper ".

She tries not to go into details: Gleb's mother and father were deprived of parental rights when he was five years old.

It is early childhood, and not an orphanage and wandering around foster families, that the boy still considers the most terrible of all that happened to him. He is attached only to his older sister, who partially replaced his mother. Her guardianship was taken from the family along with Gleb.

He hates his blood parents and in the first weeks in Natalya's house he constantly threatened to kill them. Now - he simply stops all talk about them, does not want to remember.

From the blood family - his cruelty, bitterness, a sense of betrayal. And after two returns, there is also boundless disbelief that someone might need him like that.

"What would happen next is obvious," Natalia argues. He would have been deprived of legal capacity and sent to a psycho-neurological boarding school for the rest of his life. He would never have left there. This is a common practice with traumatized difficult children in orphanages."

The realization that it is psychological trauma that makes Gleb behave this way and not otherwise helped Natalia not to give up. Because after the "demonstration performances", Gleb immediately, having heard the call of the guardians who came to them with a check, or someone from Natalia's acquaintances, hid under the bed and asked: "Mom, don't give me away!" He knew that he was with her temporarily, and was afraid that he would be taken away somewhere again.

And day after day she inspired that she would never give back. She simply picked her up when Gleb once again shouted that he hated her and "all of them", hugged her tightly and said that now she would have to live in a new way.

The strength of resistance

The beginning of their common life is constant sessions with a psychologist. Months on medications that Gleb was prescribed by a child psychiatrist.

"I remember how I came to the pharmacy and the pharmacist, after reading the prescription, asked if it was true for an eight-year-old child, and having received confirmation, looked at me with horror," recalls Natalia.

The child suffered from nightmares, tore off and tore his clothes in his sleep - Natalia even began to put on Gleb at night a thin cotton overall that hockey players wear under protection so that he could not get out of it.

Today Gleb is not taking any medications, the psychiatrist canceled them, although he continues to see the boy. After a trip to the south last summer, Gleb told his mother that he "dreamed about the sea."

This is not a fairy tale with a happy ending - the child still has big problems with self-control, Natalya transferred Gleb to home schooling in order to improve his subjects, because the whole last academic year, school for Gleb was a place to vent aggression. Successes are not grandiose, according to mom, in small steps, but she hopes that September 1, 2019th son will be able to return to class.

I ask: did she have any thoughts about Gleb's return? This question is probably the most difficult for Natalia. She does not hide the fact that for a long time she felt only a sense of responsibility for him, and there was no affection and warmth for Gleb.

"Sometimes there was irritation, sometimes it seemed that there was no more strength. Yes, there was a desire to return. But I knew for sure that I would not do this, since I had already taken it once, I gave him hope. Even when the older child really asked me to do this, even when I saw that he was suffering from the presence of Gleb, could not breathe the same air with him - his dislike was so strong - I knew that I would not return Gleb.

Natalya says that a child brings a lot of joy: he is sociable, active, loves sports, helps his mother a lot of his own free will and tries very hard to start living right.

An angel with the habits of a prisoner

"The easiest way in this situation is to say that the parents who returned the child are irresponsible, bad," says Elena Machinskaya, adoptive mother and psychologist of the Change One Life Foundation. and wrote a letter to Natalya Tupyakova with a proposal to temporarily take Gleb to her place.) - We are all different, and each has a different resource, what we can give a child. Natasha Tupyakova has an amazing pedagogical talent, she understands why a child behaves like that, and not otherwise, he understands when to ask for help from a psychologist and how to replenish his spiritual strength.

Understand "why?" not everyone can, and this is one of the main reasons for returns, the psychologist explains. It's not about irresponsibility - often people sincerely want to become foster parents in order to "save the poor orphan." It seems to them that, once at home, the child will appreciate the difference with the state institution and will be grateful to the new family. And when yesterday's orphanage instead of rejoicing, begins to destroy everything around, behave defiantly and show disrespect, the newly-made parents are horrified.

Often they attribute the child's behavior to bad genes or to the fact that "you can't beat the street out of him." What is really going on in the soul of a child in the first months, or even years in the family, adults do not understand.

“If you haven’t gone through this yourself or don’t work with such children, if you don’t know anything about reactive attachment disorder, about deprivation in early childhood in orphanage children, no dissertations in psychology will help,” Elena explains. then I needed the help of a psychologist after I took my two girls into the family, although I understood what was happening, I had worked with such children before."

Anya was the first to appear in her family - a blond, blue-eyed, thin, tender marshmallow creature. Until the age of ten, she lived with her grandmother, her drinking mother and her brothers, who had served impressive terms. The first impression that the girl's appearance made was dispelled without a trace as soon as she began to speak.

Elena Machinskaya and Anya

"He was such an angel with the habits of a criminal," recalls Elena Machinskaya. word with a choice obscenity, cheekily says: “I want to marry a prisoner, because prisoners live by the rules. Do not go for a scientist! What school do I need? I like to be friends with drug addicts, it's fun with them, and ordinary children are boring, stupid. "

At the same time, Anya was very attached to her mother and, while living with her, did everything to avoid being in the orphanage: she wrote letters to the police and guardianship, demanding to leave her at home and stop coming with checks.

The girl tried to look after her mother, to take away the bottle, not to let her drunk out into the street, so that the neighbors would not see her and complain to the guardianship. She blamed herself for not always succeeding.

"From the outside it seemed to people - how is this possible, this is life in a homeless home, among alcoholics, but for her it was her beloved mother, who, when she was sober, went up the hill with her, played, put her to bed," - says Elena Machinskaya.

Before her, they tried to adopt Anya twice and both times they returned very quickly - they simply could not stand life under one roof. The girl cursed, fought at school, was wild and pedagogically neglected.

But Elena managed to find the key to her: they saved her patience, a sense of responsibility for the child, and also classes with a qualified psychologist who convinced the girl that she was not to blame for her mother's illness. Very slowly Anya thawed and gradually ceased to rebel.

"Mom left me because I'm bad"

Anya is a classic example of a child that foster parents are afraid to get. That is why in the questionnaires of children from orphanages, guardianship officers try to note their lack of conflict, perseverance, friendliness, the need for affection and home, politeness, and careful attitude towards babies.

In fact, Elena says, with a quiet, calm child, no less problems can arise than with a rebel bully.

"My second daughter, Nyura, was not a hooligan at all, but her adaptation in the family was even more difficult than that of her eldest."

Before Elena, Nyura was already taken into the family and returned - not because of bad manners or criminal inclinations, but because of too much love for her mother.

"Mom brought Nyura to the orphanage when she was five years old. The girl had a difficult financial situation, she had no housing. And she promised to pick up her daughter as soon as she got a job and rented an apartment. But in two years she never even visited , didn’t write, didn’t call. Nyura waited all this time, sitting for hours at the window. She refused food, games, communication and only repeated that her mother would soon come for her. "

When Nyuru was taken by a foster family and taken to another city, the girl did not make contact, insisting that she was specially taken away so that her mother would not find her. The guardian was annoyed by this, and she returned Nyura.

After that, Nyura came to Elena. The girl demanded to be taken back to the orphanage, she was worried that something had happened to her mother, so she did not come. Then Elena herself took up the search.

"It turned out to be quite easy to find this woman — Odnoklassniki immediately issued her profile. In the photo she was with her new husband and two small children. Against the backdrop of a good car. I wrote to her, she replied that she was glad to hear that she was looking for Nyura and I told her what documents to collect in order to restore her parental rights, I thought she would really do something, but time passed, my mother answered rarely and evasively, found some childish excuses. Then I called guardianship at her place of residence and found out that she did not come anywhere. And later it turned out that she had abandoned her younger children and left in an unknown direction.

Even when Nyura was convinced that everything was all right with her mother and that she was not looking for her, she could not accept it right away, she fantasized that her mother was writing to her, but a computer virus was destroying letters.

Then she asked why mother did this, cried, blamed herself: "I'm bad, that's why mother doesn't come and doesn't love me."

And then Elena found Nyura's grandmother - her mother's mother - and together with her daughter went to her village.

"Grandma turned out to be a good person. She tried to look for Nyura. She lamented about her unfortunate daughter. But Nyura received very warmly. And then her daughter was released. She realized that she had relatives who love and think about her.

Now Elena and Nyura know where the girl's mother lives - she is married again and has given birth to her fourth child. But Nyura no longer wants to meet her, and considers Elena her real mother.

"You deceived me. So you will leave"

Each story of a child left without parental care is unique, so it is difficult to predict exactly what behavior he will betray when he is in a foster family.

But psychologist Elena Machinskaya says that most often "mental withdrawal" is associated with a feeling of betrayal. The child becomes distrustful, suspicious, he will check the adoptive parents for a very long time, trying to catch them on minimal lies, in trifles.

"In the first year of our life, it reached the point of absurdity: for example, in the morning I said that I would come in to buy apples, and then, after spinning, I forgot. Or I said that I would return from work at eight, and came 20 minutes later. And the interrogation began and hysteria: “That’s it, you can’t be trusted, you deceived me, so you will return me, you will leave me!”

Elena Machinskaya with her family

in order to understand why the child reacts this way, you can simply try to shift the situation to yourself.

"Imagine that you fell in love, got married, gave birth to a child, acquired friends, life, and suddenly your husband packs your things and evicts you. You can no longer see your children or friends, you need to move to another area, and then you go to another city. You worry. Then, having recovered, you try to improve your life again, get married again, give birth to children, become attached, and then everything repeats, you are deported to a place unknown to you. Obviously, the third time you will be afraid scenario repetition.

The child is so afraid of going through the pain of parting again that it is easier for him to run away from his parents. “Well, leave me already, there is no strength to wait every minute for you to hand me back, so I will behave in such a way that you will do it as soon as possible” - this is exactly the message that lies in the aggressive childish behavior. After all, in the orphanage, at least everything is clear to him and there is no fear that they will refuse him - he is already there.

Expectation of betrayal and fear of pain gives rise to anxiety: the parent will constantly have to prove that everything is in order.

"Nyura threw tantrums, asked to return her, but at the same time I couldn't calmly go to the toilet, because she - mind you, a nine-year-old child - stood under the door and asked endlessly: "Mom, is everything all right? Are you not sick? Why are you taking so long? When will you leave? Come out!" It was very hard."

"Can I just go shopping?"

Yana Leonova, Director of the Change One Life Foundation, says that new adoptive parents most often lack the simplest things: the opportunity to walk around the house, lie in the bathroom, relax on the couch with a cup of tea and watch TV, read.

Mothers of babies face similar problems, and often it is this lack of freedom that causes postpartum depression. To help foster parents avoid emotional burnout, the foundation created the Respite program, which provides babysitting services for 16 hours a month: the schedule is set by the parent himself, you can, for example, split her visits into two times a week for two hours, or you can immediately take two days of eight hours.

"Initially, we thought of doing such unloading days for parents: giving tickets to the theater, to the cinema, to exhibitions, to a spa, or for a manicure," says Yana Leonova. "But it turned out that they didn't really need all this, they just wanted a sip of free time, they asked: "Can we just go to the store? Or to the clinic?" And when "Respite" started working, we were amazed at the demand for it."

Personnel decides everything

However, if we try to mark all institutions, branches of charitable foundations, resource centers that provide assistance to foster families on the map of Russia, their concentration will be most noticeable in Moscow and St. Petersburg, in some large cities.

For example, according to the press service of the Department of Labor and Social Protection of the Population of the City of Moscow, 48 authorized organizations work to accompany families in the capital, and there are 55 schools for foster parents. Since 2010, the number of foster families has grown by almost 7.6 times: today there are 2,650 foster families in Moscow, while in 2010 there were only 348.

But what is more important is not the number of specialists who should help foster families, but their competence, says Elena Alshanskaya, head of the Volunteers to Help Orphans Foundation.

Watering the seed

The availability of quality assistance in the city can not always prevent the return of children. One of the reasons is that parents apply for it too late, when something can no longer be done - they come so burnt out.

"There are two types of such parents: the first one who comes and says - I can't, I can't cope, I don't have enough resources, I didn't calculate my strength, what should I do?" says Yana Leonova, director of the Change One Life charity foundation. - The second type is on the defensive. They have already internally decided everything for themselves. They blame not themselves, but the child, despite the fact that they are adults, and the child is small, that adults should cope with their fortunes, and the child still does not owe, he has already got it in life. Such parents are so focused on their suffering that they lose all compassion for the child, all empathy. They come and say: "Take it!"0003