Someone carrying your baby

What It Is and How Does Surrogacy Work

Written by Rebecca Buffum Taylor

Medically Reviewed by Jennifer Robinson, MD on November 04, 2021

In this Article

• What Is a Surrogate Mother?
• Who Uses Surrogates?
• Finding a Surrogate
• How to Choose a Surrogate
• Using a Surrogate
• Legal Issues With Surrogates

There's still some controversy about using a surrogate mother to have a baby. The legal process is also tricky because it varies from state to state. Even so, whether it's because of fertility problems or other reasons, surrogacy is an option for you and your partner. Find out how it works and see if it's right for you.

What Is a Surrogate Mother?

There are two kinds:

Traditional surrogate. It's a woman who gets artificially inseminated with the father's sperm. They then carry the baby and deliver it for you and your partner to raise.

A traditional surrogate is the baby's biological mother. That's because it was their egg that was fertilized by the father's sperm. Donor sperm can also be used.

Gestational surrogates. A technique called "in vitro fertilization" (IVF) now makes it possible to gather eggs from the mother (or an egg donor), fertilize them with sperm from the father (or a sperm donor), and place the embryo into the uterus of a gestational surrogate.

The surrogate then carries the baby until birth. They don't have any genetic ties to the child because it wasn't their egg that was used.

A gestational surrogate is called the "birth mother." The biological mother, though, is still the woman whose egg was fertilized.

In the U.S., gestational surrogacy is less complex legally. That's because both intended parents have genetic ties to the baby. As a result, gestational surrogacy has become more common than a traditional surrogate. About 750 babies are born each year using gestational surrogacy.

Who Uses Surrogates?

If you're a woman, you may consider a surrogate for several reasons:

• Medical problems with your uterus
• You had a hysterectomy that removed your uterus
• Conditions that make pregnancy impossible or risky for you, such as severe heart disease

You may want to think about surrogacy if you tried but couldn't get pregnant with a variety of assisted-reproduction techniques, such as IVF.

Surrogates have also made parenthood an option for people who might not be able to adopt a child, perhaps because of their age or marital status.

If gay men decide to use a traditional surrogate, one of them uses their sperm to fertilize the surrogate's egg through artificial insemination. The surrogate then carries the baby and gives birth.

A gay couple might also choose an egg donor, fertilize that donated egg, and then have the embryo implanted in a gestational surrogate to carry until birth.

Finding a Surrogate

There are several ways you can find a surrogate mother:

Friends or family. Sometimes you can ask a friend or relative to be a surrogate for you. It's somewhat controversial. But because of the high cost of surrogacy and the complex legal issues it raises about parental rights, a tried-and-tested family relationship can be simpler to manage.

The American Society for Reproductive Medicine accepts certain family ties as acceptable for surrogates. It generally discourages surrogacy, though, if the child would carry the same genes as a child born of incest between close relatives.

A surrogacy agency. Most people use one to arrange a gestational surrogate. There are about 100 agencies now operating in the U.S. They act as go-betweens.

An agency helps you find a surrogate and make arrangements. It also collects any fees that get passed between you and the surrogate, such as paying for their medical expenses.

How to Choose a Surrogate

Right now there aren't any regulations about who can be a surrogate mother. But experts agree on a few points about how to select one.

You should choose surrogates who:

• Are at least 21 years old
• Have already given birth to at least one healthy baby so they understand firsthand the medical risks of pregnancy and childbirth and the emotional issues of bonding with a newborn
• Have passed a psychological screening by a mental health professional to uncover any issues with giving up the baby after birth
• Sign a contract about their role and responsibilities in the pregnancy, such as prenatal care and agreeing to give you the baby after birth

Using a Surrogate

The American Society for Reproductive Medicine says surrogates should get a medical exam to check that they are likely to have a healthy, full-term pregnancy. The organization suggests they get tests that check for infectious diseases such as syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, HIV, cytomegalovirus, and hepatitis B and C.

Surrogates should get tests to make sure they have immunity to measles, rubella (German measles), and chickenpox. Also, you may want to ask that they get a medical procedure to visually "map" the uterus, which can help the doctor check their potential to carry a pregnancy. Surrogate mothers should have their own doctor during pregnancy rather than use yours.

The cost of surrogacy can range from $80,000 to $120,000. A lot of different things go into the price, such as whether the surrogates have their own medical insurance or whether you need to buy a surrogacy-pregnancy policy for them.

Legal Issues With Surrogates

Parental rights aren't guaranteed after a surrogate pregnancy. The law continues to change as reproductive technology and the very definition of a "parent" changes.

There isn't a federal law on surrogacy and state laws vary. After a surrogate pregnancy in some states, you may still have to pass adoption proceedings to gain legal custody of the child. In other states, a "declaration of parentage" before birth lets you avoid having to "adopt" the baby.

To protect your rights as parents-to-be -- and the rights of the child you're hoping to have -- hire an attorney who specializes in reproductive law in your state. They can write a surrogacy contract that clearly spells out what everyone needs to do.

A contract like that may help if legal issues come up after birth. It can also outline agreements about a variety of possible scenarios with the pregnancy, such as what happens if there are twins or triplets.

Infertility & Reproduction Guide

1. Overview
2. Symptoms
3. Diagnosis & Tests
4. Treatment & Care
5. Support & Resources

True Stories About Real Women Who Carried Someone Else's Baby

A generation ago, the few surrogacy stories you heard about were hush-hush because the process was not well defined legally. Nowadays, having a baby for someone else is becoming more common. In most states, it’s fully legal for a woman to serve as a gestational carrier, and give birth to a child with whom she has no genetic connection.

Four factors have worked together to transform the idea of carrying someone else’s baby from a rarity into a commonplace occurrence.

First, the legal changes in the definition of marriage now mean that two men, two women, and single people can form families with donor sperm and/or eggs.

Second, international adoption, which was a popular option for US couples, is becoming much more restricted. 

Third, the science of transferring healthy embryos into a gestational carrier is highly safe and effective. 

Finally, almost every U.S. state now allows compensated surrogacy.

So, what about women who become surrogates? It’s true that most surrogate contracts provide for financial compensation, but that factor is usually far down the list of reasons that women become surrogates.

We chatted with four women who several years ago decided that having a baby for someone else was the right thing to do. Their names have been changed to protect anonymity.

Note that carrying a baby for another person is not only a personal, emotional relationship, but also a legal one in which both parties sign confidentiality agreements. That’s why many of the stories you read about women having a baby for someone else use pseudonyms and don’t mention the specific geographic locations of the surrogates’ or intended parents’ residences.

Here are the four surrogacy stories, in question-and-answer format, just as we conducted the original interviews:

One: Nancy D., surrogate for a single mother.

Question: So, what was your initial impulse to do this? What made you say to yourself, “I want to be a surrogate“?

Nancy: It wasn’t an overnight decision for me because I had been thinking about it for a few years, ever since I had my own three children. All those births were super-easy and uncomplicated. My husband and I just thought, “You know what, now that our family is complete, why don’t we help someone else who wants children but can’t have them for whatever reason?”

Question: Did you know how to get started with the process, know how to contact an agency?

Nancy: Are you kidding? This was several years ago, when surrogacy wasn’t as well known as it is today. The few surrogate situations I had heard about were private contracts between couples and a surrogate.

So, based on the fact that I basically knew nothing about the process, believe it or not I went online and looked at sites that listed work from home jobs for moms. Do you believe it! I was actually trolling personal ad sections, but came up empty-handed.

Question: So, what did you do after checking out personal sites?

Nancy: Fortunately, I had an old friend from school who was a pediatric nurse and she told me about how the entire system was so organized, safe, and streamlined today. So I was glad to get connected with a surrogacy agency that had experience and solid credentials. They helped me find a single mother who really needed my help, who had zero chance of having children without a surrogate.

Question: What happened next?

Nancy: Well, after looking at the bios of about a dozen couples and single people who were looking for a surrogate, my husband and I chose a woman whose story really resonated with us. She is a very serious-minded woman who was a consultant and wanted to be a mom more than anything else.

She made the decision, after two gone-bad relationships, that raising a child by herself was the way to go. So, she found a sperm donor, used her own eggs, and, as she says, was “two-thirds of the way through the process” of having her own child. The missing link was me, a willing, healthy surrogate.

Question: So you weren’t carrying a baby for another couple but for a single person. Did that make a difference in your mind, and emotionally, about the choice to carry a child to term for another person?

Nancy: Not really. I saw it as a chance to help someone who wanted to start a family. My husband and I could easily have chosen someone else, a couple, or whoever. But he and I were deciding together, and when we got to her bio, her story just instantly clicked for both of us. We looked at each other and said, “This is the one.”

Question: Do you think that having a baby for someone else is a universal emotion for most women?

Nancy: Not really. I think it’s a lot like the decision to get married or choose a particular career. Some people feel strongly about being a surrogate, but for others, there’s no impulse to do it.

Question: What advice would you give other women who have the thought, “I want to be a surrogate”?

Nancy: Do your homework. Let the idea sink in. Don’t make any impulsive decisions. Even though it’s safe and can change your life for the better, carrying someone else’s baby is a major decision. If you have a partner, be sure they’re okay with the idea because you’re going to need that support through the pregnancy.

And after a lot of soul-searching and consideration, if you feel like getting more information and moving forward, speak with a counselor at a surrogacy agency. They’ll help you come to the right decision and they shouldn’t pressure you to choose for or against becoming a surrogate.

Two: Myrnah L., surrogate for a young couple.

Question: So, you told us already that this is your third time to be a surrogate. How did you first get interested in the idea?

Myrnah: My situation was that I had completed my own family and just loved the idea of giving birth. So, my husband and I decided that surrogacy would be a wise option. 

Question: What about the pregnancy itself? Any complications or second thoughts on your first surrogacy?

Myrnah: No. I viewed the whole thing as an adventure. Yeah, I had up and down days during the pregnancy, but knew what to expect. What I didn’t expect was to give birth to twins. When I learned it was going to be a twin birth, I was thrilled to phone the intended parents and tell them. In their eyes, this was like hitting the jackpot, to put it bluntly.

Surrogacy is still pretty new, and most people don’t know much about it, except for a random article they’ve read online or a movie-of-the-week on cable, or seeing a documentary. There’s a lot of misinformation out there, let me tell you.

Question: Like what?

Myrnah: Don’t get me started! (laughing) I’ve heard it all, all the crazy, uninformed questions. But I’m glad to answer them and dispel the myths and misinformation. I think the more real data and facts people get about surrogacy, the better. So I always bite my lip and answer any questions people ask me.

By far, the most common one is, “Aren’t you sad when you have to ‘give up’ the baby after giving birth?” To that, I just say a flat, “No, I’m not. The emotional bond I feel most is with the intended parents. If you go into the situation with your head on right, you don’t have a deep emotional bond with the baby. Mostly, that’s because you have zero genetic connection with the child. It belongs to someone else.” That’s how I answer that question, and, for sure, it’s the one I hear the most.

Question: What’s the other thing people ask you that makes you kind of wince when you hear it?

Myrnah: Probably this one, which I hear from young people. “Is surrogacy when you get paid for a baby?” That one really gets me going because I’ve known a lot of surrogates from chat rooms and my community, and not one of them looked at the financial compensation as a motivation to get involved with surrogacy.

You know what? All surrogates undergo a thorough financial check, and if they’re not stable in that regard, then they are not considered suitable for the process. And that’s a good thing, because you don’t want people who are money-motivated to become surrogates.

Three: Katherine A., surrogate for a couple.

Question: What was the most difficult part of the surrogacy for you? This was your first time, right?

Katherine: Yes, this past journey was my first, but it won’t be my last because it was such a positive experience. You asked what? “The most difficult part?” Well, even though I’m totally healthy and generally love being pregnant, I’m not a big fan of morning sickness, but that’s just part of the journey. You know, life’s ups and downs and all that stuff.

Question: Do you have a relationship with the couple now?

Katherine: Yes, we’ve stayed pretty close on social media and we get together a couple times per month for lunch. They happen to live nearby. I know some surrogates who never socialize with the intended parents, which is okay. Everybody has their own way of doing things, their own way of being comfortable with surrogacy. I and the parents happen to enjoy each other’s company and share a deep bond that we both appreciate.

Question: When was the first time you ever heard about surrogate mothers?

Katherine: See, I was a child of the 1980s, so I remember all those TV specials and documentaries about “surrogate motherhood,” which was a new thing then and considered very mysterious. But, to tell the truth, when I was in college I saw an internet ad that said, “Work from home jobs for moms,” and wondered what it was all about.

Question: When you look back on that ad, does it seem strange?

Katherine: Oh, wow! Strange is not the word. Crazy is more like it. First off, being a surrogate is not a job, work from home or otherwise. It’s a life choice, and a serious one at that. A work from home job is something like making crafts or preparing tax returns.

Surrogacy is a deeply rewarding, personal experience that brings the gift of life to people who otherwise would not be able to have families. Calling it a job is sort of a joke. Fortunately, there aren’t many of those ads today because we have reputable surrogacy agencies to match women up with people who want to start their own families.

Four: Loretto K., surrogate for a single man.

Question: You chose to help a single man become a father and start his own family. How did you make that choice?

Loretto: Well, the agency showed me several profiles of people they thought I would be interested in helping, based on what I had filled out on my own written interview form. This man had been married for two years, but his wife passed away as a result of breast cancer. He had waited a few years and decided the time was right to have a child, but he decided that marriage wasn’t for him. He wanted to raise a child by himself, at least for now.

Question: So, it was his personal story that compelled you to help carry the child?

Loretto: Yes. He used eggs from a family friend and the resulting embryo was implanted in me. I had a relatively uneventful pregnancy, and now he’s the very proud, happy father of a baby girl, whom he named after his deceased wife.

Question: Do you think you’ll be a surrogate again?

Loretto: I’m not sure. For me, it’s all about timing, feeling like I want to carry a child, and finding just the right situation where I think I can truly help someone who wants a family. Maybe in a year or two I’ll give it another go. The agency I work with is really great. Whenever I contact them and say, “What have you got?” they show me a few profiles and I think about it. But so far, for the past year, I haven’t even looked at any intended parent profiles because I just feel like taking a pause for a year or so.

Question: What would you say to women, single or married, who are considering carrying a baby for someone else?

Loretto: First things first. Get informed. Find out how the process works. Speak with someone at an agency and learn about the mechanics of the process. That sort of makes it real for you, and you start to absorb the idea that, yes, there are lots of people out there who can’t start their own families and are willing to hire someone to carry a baby for them. It’s actually quite a beautiful, wonderful thing that there are agencies who can match those folks up with women who are willing to carry someone else’s baby.

Question: Any warnings?

Loretto: If you decide to move forward, get expert help through a licensed organization, a respected agency that has experience doing matches and following through with the intended parents and the surrogates. The key thing to look at is whether the agency you work with takes good care of you while you’re pregnant and is available 24/7 with answers, medical support connections, and whatever you need.

Carrying someone else’s baby is a big responsibility, but it’s also a life-changing process. At least it was for me. I have a whole new respect for parents and families now, even more than I did before I helped a widower have the family he always dreamed of having.

All About Surrogacy 

Andrea Hoshmand Mcafee

Andrea is the Founder and Director of the Surrogacy Center of Philadelphia. She entered the world of assisted reproduction over twenty years ago as a three-time egg donor. The experience profoundly impacted her, and she maintains contact with her recipient families to this day. Andrea started the Hawaii Surrogacy Center, which is the leading provider of surrogacy services in her home state. Upon relocating to Pennsylvania, she sought to provide the same warm and highly personalized service to families in the Greater Philadelphia region.

Pay attention to your relationship with children

June 16, 2014

Ensuring the safety of the family, and especially children, is very important. It is through daily communication with your child that you learn about the problems and issues that concern him and, by solving his problems with him, help him learn how to behave correctly in a given situation. Therefore, the first rule says: talk to children as often as possible, help solve them, even if they are trifling, in your opinion, problems. nine0003

Watching a child play, we look at ourselves from the side. This means that we ourselves need to be extremely careful and attentive, knowing that the child can reproduce our action to the smallest detail. Therefore, no matter how many times you repeat to the child that before opening the door, you need to find out who is behind it, he will never do it if you yourself do not clearly do it. Rule two: if you want to teach your child safety rules, first of all follow them yourself. nine0003

The best way to teach children is by example. If you are always attentive to your own safety, then the child will repeat the same actions. Any swindler or thief carefully watches people and accurately chooses his victim, and if you have taught your child to be attentive, then the chance of being robbed will be almost halved.

A child alone in an apartment

At what age can a child be left alone? It depends on many circumstances: the age of your child, his independence, and how much you trust him. It is necessary to gradually accustom the child to be alone. nine0003

The main rules if the child is left alone at home should be:

1. In a conspicuous place, write the phone numbers by which he can quickly contact (your work, mobile, police, ambulance, fire department, neighbors).

2. Constantly repeat the rules of conduct, arrange small exams, sort out mistakes.

3. Follow the safety rules yourself. Be an example.

4. Learn with your child his name and the names of his parents, as well as the home address and telephone number. nine0003

5. Remove any items that could hurt him.

6. Check if you left the water or gas on, turned off the electric heaters.

7. Close the windows and carefully lock the front door.

8. When leaving in the evening, do not forget to turn on the lights in the rooms, this will scare off intruders, and your child will not be afraid of being alone.

9. When the apartment is located on the first floor, curtain the windows, and if someone knocks on the window, your child, without coming up to him, should shout loudly: “Dad! Go here". nine0003

10. When returning home, warn the child about this by telephone or intercom. Having rung the doorbell, the child should open it only after you have fully identified yourself.

Keep tablets and other medicines out of sight. When leaving home, remove all piercing, cutting objects and matches. The storage of weapons and ammunition in apartments, houses must be legally with the appropriate permit. It must be kept out of the reach of children, in a safe where only adults should know the keys and the code to the safe. nine0003

Teach your child how to properly handle the TV, iron. Explain that it is forbidden to climb into sockets, and even more so to put foreign objects into them.

Try to clearly explain to the child that while he is at home behind a closed door, he is relatively safe, but as soon as the door is opened, the line between him and the criminal is erased, he immediately becomes easy prey, if only because he does not ready for an attack from outside, therefore, he cannot orient himself in the current situation. nine0003

Here is just a small list of mistakes that our children most often make:

- they open the door without thinking about the consequences, and even if someone is standing on the landing, they calmly go towards a stranger;

- when leaving the apartment, they often leave it open, saying that I will return quickly; carelessly throwing out the trash or picking up the mail when someone appeared behind them;

- sit in an elevator with strangers.

Dear parents, remember that your child may not always be able to correctly assess the situation, so it is better if he performs tasks under your watchful supervision:

1. Before opening the door, look through the peephole to see if there are strangers behind the door.

2. If you can't see but hear voices, wait until people leave the area.

3. After opening the door and leaving the apartment, don't forget to lock the door behind you, and then you can be sure that when you return, a criminal will not be waiting for you at home.

4. If you left the apartment and saw suspicious people, come back immediately.

5. If a stranger is behind you, turn to face him. In case of an attempt to attack you, be prepared to defend yourself. To do this, you can use a briefcase, a bag, a trash can, keys, a key chain, etc. Strike the attacker with a surprise blow and then run away, shouting "Fire" or "Burning." nine0003

6. Don't look at the mail near the mailbox, go up to your house and look there.

7. If a stranger asks you to take the elevator, refuse, saying that you will be late or that you live on the second floor and walk up the stairs.

8. If a stranger tries to cover your mouth, try to bite his hand, but if you are face to face with him, bite his nose. 3. Communication by phone

At present, few people imagine communication without a telephone. Often, the phone turns from a means of protection into a "master key" of criminals. Therefore, we remind you of the basic rules for using a child's phone:

1. When picking up the phone, do not give your name or the caller's name, you may make a mistake.

2. Never tell anyone that you are alone at home.

3. If asked for an address, don't, ask to call back later.

4. When arranging a meeting with friends, schedule it for a time when there will be someone else besides you in the apartment.

5. If they try to drag you into an obscene conversation, hang up and inform your parents.

6. Get a phone with automatic caller identification to detect and check subscribers with suspicious numbers. nine0003

Communication with strangers

Criminals often take advantage of children's gullibility. But we are partly to blame for this. The child, watching us, sees how easily and simply we talk in public transport and public places with strangers and repeats our actions. How to teach a child to be careful. First of all, he needs to explain that all people who are not his relatives will be strangers to him, even if he often sees these people in his house. nine0003

1. When leaving the keys to the apartment to your child, do not hang them around his neck or fasten on his belt, leave them with neighbors or relatives living nearby, or put them in an inside pocket.

2. Teach your child not to trust the keys to the apartment to strangers who introduced themselves as your acquaintances. Your child should not bring strangers to their home, even if they referred to you. In extreme cases, only with the permission of the parents.

3. Your child should never leave school (kindergarten) with people they don't know, even if they referred to you. nine0003

4. If you can't pick him up at school (kindergarten), warn who will pick him up and show this person in person (or he must know the person in person).

5. Don't forget to let the caregiver know who is coming to pick up your child.

6. Ask the caregiver to contact you if strangers come for your child that you did not warn him about. After that, be sure to contact the police.

7. If your child is being taken away by force, he should attract the attention of people by shouting: “These are not my parents! I do not know them!" nine0003

8. If the child is brought to the police, he must give his address, parents' phone number and his name.

Doorbell

Each of us is faced with a situation when the doorbell rings, you come up and see strangers through the peephole. What to do: quietly move away or ask who is behind the door, start calling non-existent family members or hide?

It is best in this situation to move away from the door to the side, suddenly the criminals are armed, and the door is unlikely to be able to protect against a bullet, and loudly ask: “Who?”. But if the child is left alone at home, in no case should he open the door and ask people to come later. nine0003

If you nevertheless opened the door and the criminals entered the apartment, now you must either put up a strong resistance, using self-defense tools (if you are confident in your abilities), or obey their demands. Try to behave as calmly as possible, do not throw tantrums, clearly follow all the instructions of uninvited guests. It is best to gather the whole family in one room, take the children in your arms and calm them down, do not make sudden movements, remember that the attackers are always afraid, which means that their nerves are on edge, and any careless movement can cost you or your child life. No matter what, do not threaten the attackers, you can provoke them into unnecessary sacrifices, so sit silently and try to remember the faces of the criminals as clearly as possible. nine0003

Elevator

Children often perceive the elevator as an attraction that they can ride on, and very often they forget about the safety measures in it, riding on the roof or opening the doors of a moving elevator. What if you cannot meet or see off the child yourself?

The first rule should be: can the child go up or down the elevator on their own, ie. does he reach the button for the desired floor, and does he know the safety rules in the elevator, can he call the dispatcher if the elevator gets stuck, or does he smell burnt rubber. nine0003

If the child is not yet independent enough to ride the elevator alone, accompany him or ask him to use the stairs.

Never allow your child to ride in an elevator with strangers, even if they are your neighbors.

If, while waiting for an elevator, a child notices an approaching stranger, he should turn to face him and prepare to repel the attack.

The elevator car approached, but strangers are standing at the elevator: the child must refuse the trip under the pretext that he forgot to take something at home or left it on the street. nine0003

The child was in an elevator when a stranger entered: the child must exit the elevator.

If the child decides to continue to go up the elevator with a stranger, he should face the newcomer, taking a place next to the door.

If a stranger starts molesting, taking off his clothes, don't threaten him to tell his parents or the police everything, don't cry, be calm, try to involve the rapist in a conversation.

If the rapist pulls you close, do not push him away, hug and bite your nose or lip, try to bite them off. If a stranger takes off his pants or unbuttons his fly, hit him sharply in the groin, press the button for the next floor and run. nine0003

If you have the opportunity to run, don't pack your clothes or bag, run away wearing whatever you have. If you have an aerosol with you, direct the jet in the face of the rapist.

Danger from parents

We talk a lot about the danger that comes from strangers, but we hardly talk about the danger from parents. We sometimes put our children's lives at risk without thinking. These are rash debts that you are unlikely to be able to deal with, and divorces, and new marriages, and simple non-compliance with traffic rules. From birth, parents should instill a trusting attitude towards each other in a child. Teach him not to be afraid of his parents and tell them the truth about all the cases in their life - this will help to avoid many problems in the future. If you have large savings of money at home, then it is advisable that children do not know about them, since in games on the street or in an apartment with friends (acquaintances) they can brag about this, which can lead to their theft. Instill in children honesty, thrift, the ability to live within their means. When children ask you for money, let them explain what they are for. If you think the request is not justified, then try to clearly explain the reason for the refusal. Resentment on the part of the child can lead to the fact that he himself will take the money, hiding about it, and this will lead to distrust of parents and children. nine0003

If you find yourself in a difficult financial situation, you are threatened by hiding, do not take your child with you, leave him in an orphanage under a different name or hide him with reliable people, as he is your weak point.

The child and the street

When leaving a child on the street, arrange with one of the neighbors walking with children to look after him. When choosing a place for games, use places remote from the highway, or specially equipped areas. Tell your child how to properly approach swings or other moving attractions. nine0003

When crossing the road, be sure to use the crossings and follow the safety rules on the road. If you go for a walk with a stroller, when crossing the road, be especially careful, do not run across in front of moving vehicles, waiting for a traffic light, do not leave the stroller on the roadway.

Do not carry a child across the road on a sled, pick him up or hold him by the hand. Do not allow the child to hide behind a parked car or get a rolled ball out from under it, let him turn to you for help. nine0003

Keeping a child at home all the time is almost unrealistic, and indeed impossible, because he needs fresh air, and most importantly, communication with friends - peers. Therefore, you will face the problem of "the child and the street." The desired freedom on the street sometimes plays cruel jokes with our children. And this means that going out into the street, they must be even more attentive and careful.

When taking your child out for a walk, do not wear expensive jewelry that may cause an attack on him. Do not hang the keys to the apartment around his neck and do not fasten them on the belt of his trousers; make a special pocket for this purpose. nine0003

If you let your child go out alone, look after him from the window or arrange or agree on a joint watch with other parents when your children are out.

Noticing that a stranger has approached the child, call the child home and immediately go down to him yourself. Find out what the stranger wants and inform your local police inspector about it.

When taking a walk with a child, try not to make unmotivated remarks to him, which may cause the child to protest and desire to annoy you. Leaving the apartment, your child should look through the peephole and, if there are unknown persons on the site, wait for them to leave or ask you to take him outside. Lock the door with all locks, do not be satisfied with a slammed door. Store your keys in a hidden pocket. nine0003

When leaving home in the absence of parents, the child must leave a note where and with whom he is going and when he will be at home, if possible, leave a phone or other way of contacting him. If it is not possible to come home at the appointed time, it is necessary to call the parents and warn of the delay.

The child should not run out of the entrance, and having opened the door, it is necessary to look around if there is a vehicle nearby, under the wheels of which he may be. Noticing a friend on the other side of the street, do not rush to meet him, but you need to remember that there is a road ahead. nine0003

When letting your child go for a walk, warn him about the most dangerous places in the yard (cellars, attics, standing cars). When playing hide and seek, you should not hide behind a standing car, it may suddenly drive, you should not go into the basement, a rapist may be waiting for his victim there, or a drunken company has gathered, or the basement may simply be closed.

If a child suddenly disappeared from the yard, first try to find out from those with whom he was together, where and with whom he went. Talk to neighbors and acquaintances, perhaps he was seen in another place. Ask for help from the duty department of the police department at the place of residence and the district inspector. nine0003

If your child enjoys cycling or roller skating, tell them where they can do it and be sure to remind them of the basic safety rules. At the first such walks, the presence of parents or elders is necessary until the child feels confident.

Special attention should be paid to the interaction of the child with pets. Vicious dogs must be protected from the child (be in an aviary, another room, in a muzzle). Dogs that don't appear to be vicious can also harm a child if the child came into the family later than the dog. Do not allow your child to play with other people's animals, dogs often react aggressively to strangers. A child playing with animals should be under your constant supervision. nine0003

Crowded places

There are times when we decide to go on a mass walk or go to a store or market with a child before a holiday and choose a gift together with him. But how to make sure that the holiday is not overshadowed by the search for each other in the crowd of people, the worries of parents and the punishment of the child? To do this, it is necessary to prepare for a non-standard situation, it must be foreseen.

Whether you are going to a party or just letting your child go for a walk, sew labels to his clothes, made on cotton plain fabric with a typewriter or embroidered with a thread with a name, surname, telephone number and medication contraindications. When going to crowded places, dress your child in brightly colored clothes that you can easily spot. When going out to crowded places, do not forget to take with you photographs of the child that most fully reflect his appearance. nine0003

When entering a square, market or shop, show your child where you will meet him if you lose each other. Do not make an appointment at lampposts or under the clock, there may be several. Remember that not only are you holding the child's hand, but he is also holding you. Do not allow the child to hold you by the floor, sleeve or bag handle, it is easiest for him to lose you. When approaching the counter or making your way to the place you need, try to keep the child in front of you.

You have lost a child: look around, loudly call him by his first and last name, and if you did not notice him, move to the meeting point, along the way showing photos of the child to people around you. The child should not respond to any suggestions to go look for parents, he may ask unfamiliar, decent-looking people to take him to the meeting place with his parents. He should also not accept treats and toys from strangers in any situation. nine0003

If you see a child, do not call him, try not to lose sight of him and start moving towards him. After you have found each other, do not attack the child, scolding him for the wrong behavior, it is better to sort out the mistakes that were made with him. Analyze whether the place for the meeting was chosen correctly or not, and why the child could not immediately find it.

Your child must remember that his safety primarily depends on himself, how he will respond to a stranger to his tempting offer, or how he will act in this or that situation, when his life depends on the right answer or decision. And to teach him this is our task with you. nine0003

Additional advice for parents

Create your own information database for your child. Cases of kidnapping of children are far from uncommon in our time, and a child can simply get lost. Therefore, often take pictures of your children, especially close-ups and in full growth. If possible, try to film it on a video cassette, since any characteristics (speech, motor, etc.) can be useful for searching.

Criminologists also recommend having a so-called home. "rescue baby jar" (sterile dishes with a preserved flap of an old children's shirt - to preserve the smell, strands of children's hair in a paper envelope and even fingerprints). In tragic cases, such information can provide significant assistance to the search services. Do not let children out on the street with expensive things and valuables (cassette players, gold jewelry, flashy and expensive clothes can be an overly attractive object of criminal encroachment). nine0003

The "shaking" common in some schools and yard companies (demanding, under the threat of violence, pocket money by older teenagers from youngsters, younger schoolchildren) is called extortion in the language of criminal law. It is the impunity of such offenders that subsequently leads to rather sad results. Therefore, if you find that your child is afraid to leave the house or misses school, try to find out from him in a confidential conversation whether such behavior is associated with threats against him. Explain to him that negative consequences can be avoided if you do not keep secrets from your parents. At the same time, be sure to report each case of extortion to the police. nine0003

Teach your children how to properly lock the apartment door from the outside and inside, and teach them how to carry keys and pocket money. Inspire them that no one can ever come to the house on your behalf with a request to shelter for the night, give some thing or bag, etc. The child should never open the door to strangers.

Our system of education is dominated by the premise that an adult is always right. Therefore, in order to protect the child from confrontation with maniacs, rapists and other offenders, teach children:

limit communication with strangers to friendly greetings only.

To all proposals of strangers, answer: "No!" - and immediately leave them, do not succumb to the persuasion of strangers, even if they know or call the child by name. Not all elders should be obeyed. Only parents, relatives or close friends of the family are entitled to obedience. If a child saw a stranger chasing him, then in the absence of relatives, let him, without embarrassment, approach passers-by who inspire confidence and ask for protection and help. It's up to you to teach him this. nine0003

Under no circumstances should you go anywhere with strangers, whether they are "adult" uncles or a yard company, do not enter an elevator with a stranger, do not get into a car with strangers, never accept gifts from strangers without parental permission.

In general, in English and American schools such situations are played out by teachers and children. As a result, children are able to safely walk away from contact with a stranger.

Thus, English specialists offer parents puzzle games with a set of points and forms of encouraging children if they solve the tasks correctly. For example, what will you do if a stranger on the street offers to show you a beautiful puppy, a cat? What would you do if a stranger offered you a ride in a beautiful car? What will you do if someone offers you to go to work with your mother with him, and your mother did not tell you anything about this and did not call? What will you do if someone calls you by your name on the street and says that dad had an accident and you should go to him together? It seems that holding such a game in our families can also play a positive role, do not play on the street after dark and do not walk far from home, avoid deserted places, ravines, wastelands, abandoned houses, sheds, attics, basements, do not go alone to long trips, no matter what happens, immediately tell parents or adults who the child trusts. nine0003

When teaching your child the rules of safe behavior, never try to intimidate him. By doing this, you will not only not teach the child to behave correctly in a critical situation, but on the contrary, you can contribute to the negative development of the conflict. After all, inaccurate phrases that frighten a child will not teach him the right behavior in case of a possible danger. Yes, and excessive intimidation of a child by contacts with offenders can have a depressing effect on his psyche and negatively affect his future development. Because of this, your task is to teach the child to be careful, but by no means turn him into an alarmist and a coward. nine0003

When communicating with children, experts recommend:

What not to say...

1. Don't talk to strangers.

2. Lots of psychos around.

3. You may be stolen.

4. It is very dangerous for children to walk in parks.

5. Nobody can be trusted these days.

Instead, say...

1. Treat strangers like this...

2. Most people are trustworthy, but...

3. Nothing will happen to you if...

4. If someone approaches you...

5. You can ask for help ...

Be sure to instruct elementary and preschool teachers not to let your child go home with strangers without your written request. Teach your children to defend themselves. For the sake of personal safety, the child may violate all the rules and prohibitions. In no case should he think about the consequences of using self-defense techniques. Explain that if the child injures the attacker, they will only be praised for it. Point out to the child the most vulnerable points (groin, larynx, eyeballs) available to paralyze the criminal intentions of the attacker and, if possible, teach him how to strike at such points correctly. Also explain where the child should run in case of danger, to whom and how to turn for help. nine0003

In the event that your child or loved one is kidnapped and blackmailed:

First of all, make sure that the hostage is alive and well. Persuade the blackmailer of the need to talk to the child (a loved one) on the phone, while trying to give you the opportunity to talk live and not with a tape recording. When talking with a hostage, calm him down, try to convince him that you will do everything possible to free him as soon as possible. Convince the hostage of the need to comply with all the requirements of the terrorist, so as not to hurt himself. Do not try to find out the whereabouts of the kidnappers - this is the work of professional intermediaries and can cost the hostage dearly. After talking with the hostage, listen to the blackmailer. Analyze its characteristics, evaluate how high the threat is and what are the requirements of the blackmailers. In any case, try to ask for a delay (arrange a re-meeting, re-call). nine0003

If you decide to seek help, act immediately. Special services will need considerable time to develop and implement the operation. Strictly and clearly, without any initiative and personal initiative, follow the requirements of professionals (this can apply to everything: from the tactics of talking on a phone call to the tactics of exchanging a hostage).

If you decide to act on your own, be sure to demand guarantees that the hostage will remain safe and sound (reciprocity, money, information, valuables are transferred only after receiving evidence that the hostage has been delivered to a safe place under your control). Otherwise, a situation is quite possible in which the blackmailers, after receiving the required, will destroy the hostage as an unnecessary witness. nine0003

When handing over the required valuables, be prepared for any surprises from blackmailers. In any case, try to disappear immediately and not remain in the company of intruders.

Upon returning home:

If you notice strangers at the entrance to the entrance, wait until someone you know enters the entrance with you.

Do not enter an elevator with a stranger.

If you find that the door to your apartment is open, do not rush to enter, go to the neighbors and call home. nine0003

If you are alone at home:

ask your friends and acquaintances to warn you of their visit by phone.

if someone calls your apartment, do not rush to open the door, first look through the peephole and ask who it is (whether you are alone or with relatives).

do not open the door to the answer “I”, ask the person to name himself.

if he introduces himself as an acquaintance of your relatives who are not at home at the moment, without opening the door, ask him to come another time and call your parents. nine0003

if a person calls a name you don't know, saying that he was given this address without opening the door, explain to him that he wrote down the wrong address and call his parents.

if the stranger introduced himself as an employee of the DEZ, post office or other public service agency, ask him to give his name and reason for coming, then call your parents and follow their instructions.

if the visitor introduced himself as an employee of the internal affairs department without opening the door, ask him to come at another time, when the parents are at home, and inform them. nine0003

if a stranger asked to use the telephone to call the police or an ambulance, do not rush to open the door; specifying what needs to be done, call the desired service yourself.

when taking out the bin or going to get a newspaper, first look through the peephole to see if there are strangers near your apartment; when you go out, lock the door.

Your home will be your fortress if you take care of your own safety.

Parent Policy

nine0012 RULES FOR OUR PARENTS

Dear parents!

In our kindergarten, we care about your children, their safety and development.

Therefore, we ask you to follow some rules that will help make attending kindergarten a pleasant event for your child.

GENERAL RECOMMENDATIONS

*** Don't forget that there is a monthly payment for the maintenance of a child in kindergarten in a preschool institution. We ask you to pay the receipt on time, , by the 20th day of of each month, according to the contract.

Read about payment here

*** In our preschool institution, it is customary to treat each other politely , so the teachers of the group, regardless of their age, must be addressed to you, by name and patronymic, and teach your children this. nine0003

Their "aunts" do not work in our kindergarten!

*** Reception of children is carried out from 7.30 to 8.45 daily, except weekends and holidays.

Timely arrival in kindergarten is a necessary condition for the correct organization of the educational process.

*** If you bring your child after the start of any regimen or activity, please undress him and wait with him in the locker room until the next break. nine0003

*** In the morning, parents must hand over the child personally to the teacher , and in the evening, be sure to go to the teacher and say that you are picking up the child from the kindergarten.

*** If you need to bring or pick up a child outside school hours , please notify the teacher in advance. If your child is taken from the kindergarten by relatives or acquaintances, then you must write an application and sign it with the head. nine0003

*** If the child is unable to come to kindergarten due to illness or other good reason, please inform the teacher by 9 am by contact phone, and in case of coming to kindergarten after illness or vacation - the day before by 12 pm .

*** A child who does not attend kindergarten for more than 3 days must have a certificate from a doctor.

Parents, remember! You must bring a healthy child! nine0014