How to adopt a child in washington state

Considering Adoption | Washington State Department of Children, Youth, and Families

Questions to Ask Yourself

Thinking about adoption is the beginning of the process. Below is a list of questions to help prepare yourself.

Are you considering a specific gender of a child or youth?
What age of child am I looking for?
Would I be willing to have on-going contact (open adoption agreement) with a child's birth parents?
Could I parent a child who may have been sexually abused, physically abused and/or neglected?
Could I parent a child that has an on-going medical issue, may be developmentally delayed, or diagnosed with a developmental disability?
Could I parent a child who may have been exposed to drugs and alcohol in utero?
Does the ethnicity of the child I adopt matter?
How does my extended family feel about adoption?
If I did adopt a child of a different ethnicity than myself how would my family feel?
How am I going to handle adoption-related questions that my child may ask?
Sometimes younger children have an older sibling who also needs an adoptive family and the goal is to keep siblings together. Would I consider adopting a sibling group?
Who do I have in my life to support me as an adoptive parent?

Responsibilities

Foster Parents:

Provide daily care and nurturing of children in foster care.
Advocate for children in their schools and communities.
Inform the children's caseworkers about adjustments to the home, school, and community, as well as any problems that may arise, including any serious illnesses, accidents, or serious occurrences involving the foster children or their own families.
Make efforts as team members with children's caseworkers towards reunifying children with their birth families.
Provide a positive role model to birth families, and
Help children learn life skills.

Adoptive Parents:

Provide permanent homes and a lifelong commitment to children into adulthood and beyond.
Provide for the short-term and long-term needs of children.
Provide for children's emotional, mental, physical, social, educational, and cultural needs, according to each child's developmental age and growth.
May become certified as a foster family and accept children who are not legally free for adoption, but whose permanency plan is adoption.

DCYF’s primary mission is to “Protect children and strengthen families so they flourish”. As part of this mission, DCYF strives to safely return a child or youth to a birth parent and should not be considered an “adoption agency”. When a child or youth is unable to be safely returned to a birth parent, DCYF often supports matching children and youth with a prospective adoptive family.

Open Adoption Agreement

Open adoption agreements, sometimes also referred to open communication agreements, allow contact between the adoptive parents and birth parents.

The goals of open adoption are:

To minimize the child's loss of relationships.
To maintain and celebrate the adopted child's connections with all the important people in his or her life.
To allow the child to resolve losses with truth, rather than the fantasy adopted children often create when no information or contact with their birth family is available.

Open contact with the birth parents or birth family may play an important part of your adoption. The Inclusive Family Support Model video completed by Amara can provide points to consider when making decisions about contact and feelings your child may have.

For additional information regarding open communication/open adoption, please consider reviewing the following the top 5 resources about open adoption:

The Open‑Hearted Way to Open Adoption by Lori Holden
The Adopted Life website
Adoptees On podcast by Haley Radke
“Are you scared, hesitant, unsure about connection with first family? I was too.” by Katie Biron
Instagram hashtags to follow: #adoptionjourney #adopteevoices #adoptionawareness

Top

Steps to Adoption | Washington State Department of Children, Youth, and Families

Child Identification

There are various ways to select a child:

A caseworker contacts you about a child who may already reside in your home.
You contact the caseworker about a child you either found on a web site or heard about.
A child who may already reside in your home.

Get Help Identifying a Child or Youth to Adopt

Visit the following websites:

Northwest Adoption Exchange (NWAE): A public website which features children and youth in need of a permanent home. The children and youth are all legally free unless a court or biological parent agrees to profile the youth on this open forum. You will not be able to contact the caseworker directly.

Washington Adoption Resource Exchange (WARE): A website that is only accessible to Washington adoptive families and DCYF caseworkers and is password protected. The children and youth on this site are also seeking permanency but may not yet be legally free. You can provide a profile of your family that can be added to WARE for caseworkers to review. You will be able to make direct contact with a caseworker through this website.

AdoptUsKids: A national public website featuring children and youth from across the nation who are seeking a permanent home. Similar to WARE, you can request to have a profile of your family available to caseworkers looking on this site.

Advocacy Activities:

Adoption Consortium: This monthly virtual meeting provides an opportunity for caseworkers to present children and youth in need of permanency to families, private agencies, and caseworkers. Conversely, families are able to listen in (after confirmation of an approved home study that is in good standing) and/or are able to present their family to caseworkers.

What is Adoption Consortium?

Spreading the word: Email the DCYF adoption program manager to request that your home study be sent to DCYF staff for consideration. In addition, your home study can be placed on an DCYF adoption site (not accessible to anyone outside of DCYF) where caseworkers are able to filter for families who best fit the child or youth who is seeking permanency.

Disclosure of Information

A caseworker contacts you about a specific child:

You contact the caseworker about a child you either found on a web site or heard about.
You and your caseworker need to be in contact to get background information about the child. At this point,you may start working with 2 different caseworkers - yours (licensor/home study writer) and the child's DCYF case worker.
Statutorily, the full history on the child's family, medical, and social background must be disclosed to you. Once this is done, you and the respective case worker need to decide if this is a good placement.
If the decision is made that this is in the best interest of the child to be placed for the purpose of adoption with you, then steps are made to move forward with visitation and placement.

Making the Right Selection

"Know" before you say "No"

To know if the child presented is the right child, you need to consider their needs, ask lots of questions, and really listen to and observe the child.

Find out about the child's family and medical background.
Find out about the child's history in foster care.
Ask to speak with current and past foster care providers.
Find out about the child's birth family and their relationship.
Ask to speak with daycare, educational and current medical providers.
Observe the child in their own environment or one they are comfortable in.
What does an average day look like?
Get to know the child's routines.
What are your expectations for a child? Can the child meet those expectations? What if they don't?
Get to know the child. What are the things they like and dislike? What makes them happy or sad?
What are some of his/her favorite things?
What are the child's developmental, educational, and emotional issues?
Are there any behavioral issues?
What do these behavioral issues look like?
What are their peer relations like?
Has the child ever attached to anyone?
If yes, what did that look like?
What are the child's personal characteristics?
What are the child's strengths?
What do you like about the child?
What will the child bring to a family?
What is the child looking for in a family?
How does the child get along with other children both inside and outside the family?
Can the child be with older/younger siblings?
What sort of parent does the child need?
Religious issues? Is going to church important?
Who are significant people in the child's life? Can these people continue to be a part of the child's life?
What type of parenting style has worked best with this child?
What research can I do to learn more about the child diagnoses?
23 Crucial Questions You Must Ask When Adopting From Foster Care

Closure of America - Picture of the Day - Kommersant

Kommersant Special Correspondent Olga Allenova talked to American families who were prevented by the "Dima Yakovlev law" from completing the process of adopting Russian orphans with disabilities. A year later, these children are still living in orphanages. Americans still want to adopt children they have already met, and if this is still impossible, they dream that the children will find families in Russia.

Kristen and Andrew Wiederford with Irina, an orphan from Vladivostok, whom they could not adopt because of Dima Yakovlev's law

Photo: personal archive

Jennifer Abel, Washington

My husband and I have three biological daughters, they now 12, 14, and 16 years old. My husband Christopher repairs helicopters and planes, I am a housewife. The decision to adopt children from Russia came a long time ago... When we decided to adopt children, we wanted to help those who not only needed a family, but also had little chance of finding one in their homeland.

Why did we decide to take Olga and Vasilisa, children with Down syndrome, into the family? My husband has two cousins with Down syndrome. One is already an adult and lives by himself, like any adult. The second one is three years old, he is developing perfectly. For us, they are no different from other people - God just blessed them with an extra chromosome, which makes them special in a good way. With their lives they change the world around them. Among our friends, two families have children with Down syndrome. Here in the United States, people with this syndrome go to school, have jobs, and some become actors and TV hosts. In a good family, where care and love reign, and with competent professional support, children with Down syndrome can achieve great success in life.

In America we are taught to accept everyone. Acceptance of a person as he is is a whole philosophy that is taught in schools. If we were allowed to complete the adoption of Olga and Vasilisa, they would go to school and church with children who are not disabled. Disabled children are a part of American society that has equal rights with the rest. We would put Olga and Vasilisa on their feet, like our own daughters. And when they grew up, we would help them find a job, and if they wanted, they would begin to live on their own. They would be an active part of our family. We were well aware that girls have great medical needs, but this is normal, and this did not frighten us at all.

The family of Jennifer and Christopher Abel

Photo: personal archive

Olga and Vasilisa turned out to be wonderful children… They live in the same boarding school in the Nizhny Novgorod Region. When we were offered to meet them, we immediately agreed - they were very beautiful in the photographs. Collected documents and flew to Russia. They took directions to visit the girls. When we saw Vasilisa, she was three years old. At that moment, when she was handed over to me, I had a feeling that I experienced several times in my life - when my biological daughters were handed over to me at the maternity hospital . .. Such pure love. Vasilisa laughed and smiled all the time when we played with her. My husband and I couldn't stop smiling either. We were asked why we want to take it, and we answered: “Why not?” Those four days that we spent with her will always be in our memory.

Olga was then six years old. She was already an adult girl and was not sure of us. But, when we came to her for the second time, she was already smiling and calling us mom and dad. We brought the ball, she really liked it - she laughed when we threw the ball to each other ... She also liked the puzzles that her husband made.

Soon after we met Olga and Vasilisa, when we were already at home and waiting for the date of the Russian court, we were informed that a law had been passed in Russia that prohibited Americans from adopting children in Russia ... We were told that we could not continue to adopt Olga and Vasilisa. It broke us. I still find it hard to believe this.

Nevertheless, we understand Mr. Putin, we understand why this law was passed - to protect children. There were children who suffered from their American adoptive parents, it's true. However, not all American parents are like that, these cases were an exception! Most Americans love adopted children as if they were their biological children and would never harm them.

I pray that Olga and Vasilisa will find a family in Russia. Tell me what can I do for this? The fact that they are still living in a shelter haunts me. But we are grateful to God that we were allowed to meet these beautiful girls. They live in our hearts, we love them like our daughters. In the pictures you see, our big family - children, sisters, brother-in-law, parents and nephews. I really hope that Olga and Vasilisa will also have a family.

Olga's profile in the Federal Data Bank on orphans and children left without parental care, - http://www.usynovite.ru/child/?id=c698x-sgiw

Vasilisa's profile - http: //www. usynovite.ru/child/?id=c698x-vsmr

Joanna Jolie, Mississippi

I am a housewife and my husband works in information technology. We have two biological children.

Our daughter's name is Albina. We worked very hard to collect all the necessary documents, get to know her and take her home. The whole process took us almost a year and a half. Russian adoption requires more documents than in other countries, but we tried very hard to get Albina home as quickly as possible.

Finally, in October 2012, we were allowed to come to Russia and we visited her at the orphanage in Kolomna. We brought Albina a photo album with pictures of all the members of her new family. There were photos of her new mom and dad, 13-year-old brother, 7-year-old sister, grandparents. There were also pictures of her new home and a dog. Albina immediately began to call my husband dad. She realized that we were her family, and we promised to return for her soon. We left and waited for an invitation to the trial in Russia. But at that time, a law was passed in Russia that made it impossible for our family to adopt Albina. We were very worried and are still worried. Albina is now six years old. During our visits to the orphanage, we told her that she was a smart and beautiful girl and that it would be interesting for her to live in our family.

Why did we decide to adopt a child with special needs? We read many stories on the Internet about other families adopting such children. We saw such families next to us. We began to feel that this is our calling, that this is pleasing to God. We have thought a lot about children with Down syndrome. We know that in Russia children with this syndrome are often sent from biological families to orphanages, and then they end up in institutions where they have absolutely no hope for the future. We wanted to adopt a Russian child with Down syndrome to give him a family and a future. I want you to understand that we are doing this both for the orphan child and for ourselves. We know that our family will be better and more good if we take this little girl with us.

In America, families with children with Down syndrome do not have any particular problems. It is not seen as a heavy burden... Children with Down syndrome are capable of learning, and there are many medical and educational opportunities available to help these children reach a high level of development of their abilities. People with Down syndrome go to school and even to college. They get jobs and many of them can live on their own when they get older, some get married. So Down's syndrome doesn't scare anyone here, and there's nothing special about adopting a child with Down's syndrome.

Albina is waiting for us. I really want to take her home. I pray that the kind and loving Russian family will see her, love and accept her.

Albina's profile - http://www.usynovite.ru/child/?id=ceond-1qiru

Kristen Wiederford, Virginia

I know that many Americans take children into families for religious reasons, but I I think that the same number of Americans do it simply out of a desire to help an orphan child. My husband Andrew and I have always wanted to adopt and also have biological children. We thought that adoption would be a very good stage in our family life for us. Until we have children, we could offer all our time and energy to an adopted child so that he can settle into our home, accept us, without any distractions. When we started talking about adoption, we decided that we wanted to take just such a child who finds it difficult to find a family. We heard that some countries have many children with Down syndrome who need a family, and this problem has not been solved there. Given Andrew's caring nature and my experience with children with disabilities, we thought we could provide a home and family for a child in need of help. We've never been afraid of Down syndrome... We have so many resources - doctors, schools, therapists, nutritionists, amazing family support. We have many places where you can go with a child with a disability to make it interesting and fun.

At age 21, many adults with disabilities can receive therapy and job search assistance through the public health system (Medicaid). A major disability law passed in 1990 makes it illegal to discriminate against people with disabilities. These laws work well. For example, all buildings have ramps and access for those in wheelchairs; children with disabilities are tested for knowledge of the general education program at school in the same way as ordinary children. For adults, there are many companies with special employment programs. My favorite bakery in town only employs disabled people. They make the most beautiful, delicious cakes. All this, of course, would not have been possible without special laws. However, we still have a lot to learn.

Andrew and I started processing Irina's adoption paperwork in May 2012, and went to meet her in October. For some people, it takes many years, but we did everything as quickly as possible, because we knew that Irina needed medical help. Irina has Down syndrome. She will be three years old in April. She ended up in the Orphanage immediately after birth, and no one ever visited her. While Irina was in the first shelter, she was sick a lot, and it was noticeable in the photo. But in the second Orphanage, where we met her, she gained weight and looked healthy.

At the same time, in October, we signed the documents that we wanted to accept Irina into our family. As soon as we returned to the USA, we began to draw up documents for the court. I tried very hard to get everything done quickly, so this process only took a few weeks. Having collected the documents, we sent them by "fast" mail to Russia and waited. But time passed, we were not told anything, we were not contacted. And then - almost two months later - we learned that a law had been signed in Russia prohibiting adoption. We were so close... If the Russian side had processed our documents a little faster, we would have had time to go through the trial, and Irina would have been at home with us.

Irina is so beautiful. The nanny at the shelter said she looked like Andrew and me, I think so too. She was so small, but she already had a personality. I saw that she had great potential. She smiled all the time, was delighted with the toys. We took a lot of toys, and she immediately fell in love with one, it had light and music played. She loves music.

I think that the nannies in her orphanage are wonderful, they work hard, they try their best. Thank you so much for loving her. We hope they will hug and kiss her goodnight for us. And they will say that we love her and think about her all the time.

We left our blanket for her, which keeps our scent, so that it would remind her of us. We left a mirror on her bed so she could look at herself. We saw that she liked to play with her hands, as orphans sometimes do, and we hoped that the mirror would distract her.

I am a child development specialist. In America we have schools for children with disabilities. When a child turns two years old, he goes to such a school and can stay there until he is 21 years old. If the child is less than two years old, the teacher comes to his home. If a child has Down's Syndrome, education and observation begin as soon as he arrives home from the maternity hospital.

I train educators from 300 schools to work with children with disabilities between the ages of two and five. I love my job - children with disabilities have great potential, and in order for them to live a full life, they just need to be given the opportunity to learn. I wanted to give Irina such an opportunity. In America, people with Down syndrome have jobs, many live independently, and some even get married. They live normal lives with little help from social workers.

I think it's important to say that at 19In 75, America passed the Education Act, which enshrines the right to education for people with disabilities. We have done a lot of research in this area, worked hard and are still trying to improve the lives of people with disabilities. This, of course, takes a lot of time, because you need to help people understand their potential and show what they are like others and what they are not. Part of my job is precisely to help disabled children who are in the same class as ordinary children. And here it is important to understand that we help not only children with disabilities, but also ordinary children, because both groups learn from each other.

If I could talk to the Russian legislators, I would ask them to take care of your smallest, most defenseless citizens. I understand that in Russia laws will gradually change and the lives of children like Irina will improve. But this may take decades, because the same thing happened to us ... Do not let a whole generation of children fall into these temporary cracks when there are already families waiting for them. Please give them a chance to live a fulfilling life! Let us adopt Irina!

But if this is not possible, we ask the Russians to adopt her... She deserves a happy life in a family. We understand that it is difficult, it is always an extra job to take care of a child with a disability. But this is a great happiness. I, as a specialist, promise you that Irina can grow and achieve a lot in life if she has a loving mom and dad. And she will be no different from other children, believe me. I know this for sure, I see it every day at work.

Russia did not allow Irina to be our daughter, but for us she is already our daughter. We love her, we want a happy life for her, even if this life is not with us. If a Russian family accepts Irina, we would be happy to become their friends, help them train Irina, do everything to make this little girl happy and independent. Every child should know what it's like when there is mom and dad and they kiss him goodnight. I don't want to see Irina grow up in an orphanage without a family. This is terrible. It makes me cry at night.

We don't have anyone in Russia. I would like to know what is happening with Irina… I just look at her picture in the database every morning and hope to see that Irina has found a family…

Every day I hope that this law will be repealed in Russia. I go to a therapist every week to talk about my grief.

Irina's profile — http://www.usynovite.ru/child/?id=93aeg-adgp

Irina's meeting with Kristen and Andrew

Shana Pardue, Tennessee

My husband Ron and I have been happily married for many years. We have seven children. Our biological children are 27, 21, 18, 15 years old, and the twins are 12. In July 2012, our family was replenished with a wonderful little boy from Russia. Now Cooper is three years old, he has Down syndrome. We decided to accept him because we wanted to develop our family, we wanted to have more love in it. We love children and see no difference between a child with special needs and a normal child. I think that all children deserve a big family that will love them and provide for their needs.

The family of Shana and Ron Pardew with their adopted son Cooper

Photo: personal archive

When we brought Cooper home, he couldn't do anything, he just lay there. He could not walk, talk, interact with other people, play with toys. He was unable to eat solid food and drink liquids on his own. He was 23 months old and weighed only 15 pounds (about 7 kilograms) and was 27 inches (69 centimeters) long. A year and a half has passed, and now Cooper walks (and even runs!), talks, sings, plays hide and seek, drinks from a cup himself and eats everything we eat. He communicates well with us and with his friends. He is a happy and healthy little boy.

In June 2012, when we came to Krasny Bor in the Smolensk region to meet Cooper, we saw Ivan, a sweet little boy with Apert syndrome. This is a genetic disease that causes premature fusion of the bones of the skull. Without timely medical intervention, the child's brain is damaged, he is threatened with disability and even death. A child with this disease has an urgent need for surgery. But, unfortunately, such operations are rarely performed in orphanages, especially if the disease is not in an acute form. But the disease can worsen at any moment, and in order for the bones not to damage the brain, experienced specialists must be nearby. As long as Ivan does not suffer from brain damage, he has a intact intellect, but the syndrome will progress. And when it starts, we would like Ivan to have a professional doctor nearby ...

When we met Ivan, we just fell in love with him. He was so sweet and touching. He understood that mom and dad would not come for him, he himself said so. In June 2012, we spent four days with Cooper and Ivan, every day we came to the orphanage and played with the children. A month later, we came for Cooper and talked with Ivan for another three days. Returning home, we began to look for a family for Ivan. After a long search, we were able to find her, and this family began to draw up documents, but then could not complete the adoption process - for what reason, I do not know. When we found out that Ivan's adoption had stopped, we realized that we were supposed to be his parents from the very beginning - we thought about him all the time. And we began to collect documents again.

Why did we think we could do it? There are many reasons for our decision. But the main thing is that we feel this way. Ivan is a cheerful, smart, wonderful child. He deserves a worthy place in this world. We think that God gave us a meeting with Ivan for a reason. He was born for love, and we could give him such love, and he would give his love to us. He would be a welcome child in our family.

We knew that we could afford Ivan's treatment: our medical insurance allows us to perform such surgeries on family members. With surgical help, Ivan is able to live a completely normal life. His bones are growing rapidly, and the surgeon must perform operations to remove extra centimeters. Such operations are done regularly, but they do not affect the development of the child in any way ...

But we couldn't adopt Ivan. A law was passed that prevented us from doing this. We are very worried about this ban and the fact that we could not help Ivan.

In the summer of 2012, Ivan was three years old, now he is already four and a half. I have no connection with him. I don't know anything about him. Last I heard: Ivan was transferred from Krasny Bor to another orphanage for children over four years old. I don't know how to find out anything about him. I search all the time on the Internet for information, but there is nothing there. My heart is with this child all the time. If someone wants to give him a family, this will save Ivan. And God bless these people.

Ivan's profile - http://www.usynovite.ru/child/?id=cwy18-kqdy

Sarah Peterson, Maryland

The adoption of Dima and Arina began in February 2012. The godmother of my eldest son is a Catholic nun, she lives and works in Vladivostok. She visits us every year and talks about her work, about helping in orphanages and nursing homes. This is how we learned that many Russian orphans with special needs live in orphanages.

Sarah and Eric Peterson's family

Photo: personal archive

My husband Eric and I have five children. We have always wanted many children, and we realized that it would be very good for our family to accept children who cannot find a family in Russia due to their peculiarities.

I think it's best for a child to grow up in the family in which he was born. If this is not possible, then in a foster family in the country in which he was born. But, if a child does not have a chance to live in a family in his native country, and he lives in an orphanage, then it is better for him to be adopted by a foreign family. Moreover, in America, adopted children in most cases do not lose their roots - they know who they are and where they come from. Often in different American states cultural holidays with a Russian component are held, and families with children from Russia participate in them. There are also many families who learn Russian and travel with their children to Russia, in such families parents want their children to learn first hand about the culture in which they were born.

I also think that today it is easier to raise children with disabilities in America than in Russia. American schools comply with federal law guaranteeing equal education for all children, including children with disabilities, and children like Dima and Arina attend regular schools here. American laws also oblige municipal authorities to adapt all public buildings and public transportation for people with disabilities. Employers are prohibited from refusing to work a person because of his disability. Many people with disabilities work full-time and participate fully in American society.

You ask why Americans adopt special children and whether it has to do with the presence or absence of biological children. No, I don't think it's related. The children we have born are healthy, and there is no reason to think that we could not give birth to more healthy children. But we also have the resources and skills to care for children with disabilities, and so we wanted to help children who could not have a decent life in their home countries. Of course, this desire is a consequence of our religious beliefs. We think that a person's life should not depend only on his health or abilities, every person is loved by God, and everyone can do something useful for society, and society can do something good for him - many people see the meaning in this idea of mutual assistance American Christians.

I was not afraid to accept children with special needs into my family. Before having children, I worked as a nurse and therefore am able to take care of children with diagnoses that may be difficult for other families.

It took us about nine months to complete the paperwork. In November 2012, a bilateral Russian-American adoption agreement came into force, which required all US citizens who wish to adopt children in Russia to complete, in addition to basic courses for adoptive parents, 80 additional hours of specialized training. We completed these courses, and nothing else prevented us from going to Russia to meet Dima and Arina.

In December 2012 we spent four days in the Tver region. Dima was born in 2009. In addition to Down's syndrome, he has several other diseases that prevent him from walking and require several surgeries. Arina is a year older than Dima, she has Down syndrome. Dima and Arina are very beautiful children, they will bring a lot of joy to their parents. Dima is friendly, charming, smart. His medical needs are considered difficult, but he is not cranky and so cheerful, he can live a very good life if someone gives him the opportunity. Dima is able to study and really wants it, he must get an education. Arina is very small, she does not grow well, but she can walk, she is interested in everything that happens around her. She liked to communicate with us ...

We fulfilled all Russian requirements for foreign adoptive parents in 2012 and submitted all necessary documents to the Russian authorities. The judge during our visit said that we should wait six weeks for her to make a decision. It was in December. That same month, Russia passed a law prohibiting us from adopting Dima and Arina.

Now Dima and Arina are four and five years old. They were transferred from the orphanage to the orphanage. They still do not have a family and do not receive the love and care they need.

We love these children. We think about them every day. I am terribly sad that we could not accept them, and if the law is still changed at least for the sake of children like Dima and Arina, we will be very happy to bring them into our family.

We still hope that the Russian authorities will accommodate American families who wanted to adopt children with disabilities...

After the law was passed, American families were told that Russia was still unhappy with the way families accounted for adopted children. In the US, monitoring of children in families is the responsibility of state governments, and these state governments act in some cases independently of the federal government. In the US, the federal government cannot sign one binding agreement on behalf of all state governments to give Russian officials direct access to children in any US state. And we understand the essence of this problem. Therefore, families that have already met with children and that children in Russia are very much looking forward to, united and proposed to the Russian authorities to conclude direct agreements between the association of American adoptive parents and the Russian government. But this offer was rejected.

If there is no chance of legislative changes in Russia, we need to find a Russian family that will accept Arina and Dima. I know that caring for disabled children in Russia is very difficult, but we pray that there are people who will agree to the difficulties in order to give these children a chance at life. We are ready to help a Russian family that will accept Dima and Arina, or at least one of them.

Dima's profile - http://www.usynovite.ru/child/?id=coims-b2qm

Arina's profile — http://www.usynovite.ru/child/?id=coims-qpb0

Jody Johnson, Pennsylvania

I am a single mother with three sons. My sons are my biological children, they are 19, 13 and 7 years old. I am a US Air Force Emergency Medical Technician. When I was in high school, we had a special needs class. I knew that one day, when I grew up, I would be able to love a child with special needs. And now, after a while, I made such a decision - to take into the family a baby who was abandoned by his parents and who finds it difficult to find a family.

Why did I decide to look for a child in Russia? Something connects me with Russia. As a child, I lived in Alaska, and in 1989, as a teenager, I visited the USSR with great pleasure. I was fascinated by the cities I visited and the people I met.

In the United States, to adopt any child, including a child with Down syndrome, you have to stand in line and wait. And I wanted to adopt a child who has little chance of adoption. There are many such children in Russia, and they are waiting to be adopted. This also influenced my decision.

Jody Johnson with Oksana

Photo: personal archive

I chose an adoption agency that had a lot of experience. They approved my documents and sent me information about Oksana, a little girl living in the Russian city of Kolchugino. The package of documents that I received included a photograph of Oksana, some information about her birth, abilities, and medical diagnoses. Oksana's photo struck me - she looked like me as a child. Many of my acquaintances then told me that this girl was destined for me, my heart accepted her. I collected the documents, received an invitation and went to Russia. Our meeting was wonderful. We played and read, Oksana was interested in everything that I did. She liked children's books in Russian with bright photographs that I brought. When I spoke Russian words for fruits, vegetables, body parts, she unmistakably pointed to the pictures in front of her. On the last day we were allowed to play in the yard. When we returned, the director of her shelter set the table and invited us - me, my assistant and Oksana - to drink tea. It reminded me of home - I always drink tea with my children in the evenings. When the time came to part, Oksana cried and screamed. And when they took her away, the director told me that I shouldn't cry, because Oksana would feel it and be sad. I asked the principal to accept a Bible from me for Oksana. This Bible is written in English and Russian, and I said that I would be very happy if the nannies read the Bible to Oksana and other children, although I understand how busy they are. The director took the Bible and smiled - she was glad that I was a Christian. I said that I would definitely come back for Oksana. The director of the orphanage gave me an icon that was brought to her by older children who attended a church in their town. She said: “Keep her, everything will be fine,” and promised that she would say in court that I fell in love with Oksana and could give her a good home, family, and care.

When you write your article, can I send it to the director of the shelter? She is a good person and I would like to remind her that Oksana needs to read the Bible. Unfortunately, she no longer responds to my emails. I think she was banned from doing it.

Yes, I believe in God. I am a Christian and try to live the way Jesus taught. In the Bible, in the epistle of James, it says that the duty of man is to help widows and orphans in their affliction. The book of Exodus forbids the oppression of widows and orphans. In the book of Isaiah, God tells us that we must learn to do good, seek the truth, save the oppressed, and protect orphans and widows. There are many instructions in the Bible on how people should behave. Not only in relation to widows and orphans, but in relation to all mankind.

I have always wanted to adopt a child because an unwanted child is pointless and sad. If a child is born, then God willed it, and this child cannot be rejected. I think that all children are created by God, and God does not make mistakes. I believe that children who have developmental disabilities or special medical needs are born so that the world can see the work of God in the lives of that person and those around them.

My family has everything you need for a decent life. We could spend money, buy different things and go on vacation to distant lands. But Jesus said that we should not store up treasures here on earth by hoarding things. I think God has given us everything so that we can help others, meet their needs in the family, life, food. It is important to me that I use the resources God has given me to share His love with everyone I meet in my life.

I hope to return to Kolchugino. I bought a beautiful silver and garnet necklace in Moscow. This double necklace is one for me and the other for Oksana. I bought it as a reminder that God chose me for Oksana.

In January, Oksana turned eight years old, and she is losing precious time to learn and become a successful adult. Now, after the ban, she can't be my daughter. I understand that I can't change it. And I wish Oksana to find a family, although it is hard for me to think that she will not live with me. But it is important to me that she does not remain in this terrible trap, in an orphanage with no way out. I do not lose hope that someday I will be able to give Oksana her part of the necklace.

Oksana’s profile — http://www.usynovite.ru/child/?id=anh4b-sgia

Emergency room

Chairman of the Board of Directors of the Frank Adoption Center in North Carolina Nina Borisovna Kostina actually happens to adopted Russian children in America. Recorded by Svetlana Reiter.

Rules of life

Tags:

children

magazine

rater

Do not self-medicate! In our articles, we collect the latest scientific data and the opinions of authoritative health experts. But remember: only a doctor can diagnose and prescribe treatment.

“I've been in the adoption business for a long time; in 1987, the whole family moved to Washington, I got a job as a translator at the Wheat Association of the United States of America, which decided to donate a huge amount of pasta to the Soviet Union. At work, they told me that I could take this humanitarian aid anywhere, and I took a ton of pasta to one of the orphanages near Moscow. The pasta was very beautiful, multi-colored: with pumpkin, with spinach, with carrots... American farmers came with me, the story got into American newspapers, and completely different people began to call me who wanted to adopt children.

There was no international adoption then, and we were perfect pioneers in our field - and then, as now, a lot of Americans wanted to adopt children. Over time, this figure does not decrease: according to our statistics, there are about five hundred potential adoptive parents per orphan child. In the United States itself, internal adoption, of course, exists, but this is a rather painful process - as such, there are practically no orphans in this country, and the right to their child is always legally assigned to biological parents who decide to give their children to be raised in a strange family - and this is one of the reasons why Americans prefer to adopt children abroad.

There was a notorious case when the adopted children, Richard and Jessica, were taken from their adoptive parents by their biological mother when they reached the age of ten. There was a lawsuit, the adoptive parents could not do anything, since the court decided the case in favor of the biological mother. Therefore, in order to avoid such problems, Americans go to adopt children in other countries - for example, in Russia, when the court decides to give the children to foster parents, then this decision is final, it cannot be changed, and the mother does not have the right to change her mind and take the child.

Children from China are also adopted — According to the US Department of State, in 2008, 3,900 children from China, 4,120 children from Guatemala, and 1,800 children from Russia were adopted by American citizens. This is due to the fact that the procedure for the adoption of Chinese children by the American authorities is well-established, although there are problems in it - for example, Americans have to wait a long time for "their" child: sometimes up to five years, since the queue of people around the world is huge. The second problem is that, according to the rules established by the Chinese government, it is not allowed to adopt children to single mothers and people over forty-five years old. Therefore, in 2008, the number of adopted children from China fell by half - in 2006 it amounted to more than six thousand people. But, in principle, people are ready to adopt everyone: Tatars, Kazakhs, Kirghiz, and Gypsies. By the way, I have three children: a biological son of thirty years old and two adopted girls: Victoria, who has been living in my family for sixteen years, and my beloved Tatar, Gulnara. We baptized her into Orthodoxy and call her Mary. For some reason, she loves tea with milk, although the rest of our family does not like this tea and do not drink it. Here is such an innate "oriental element" in her.

Adopting children may not cost a penny, or it may cost eighteen thousand dollars. Seriously ill children are "given away" for free - if a child has been suffering from some kind of illness since childhood, then we ourselves will raise money and give it to foster parents for subsequent treatment. We have just adopted a boy, Sasha, originally from the Tver region. He is eight years old, and almost from birth he was diagnosed with a rather severe, but correctable pathology - he has muscular dystrophy, and the muscles of his arms and legs are completely atrophied. Three years ago, the wife of the governor of the Tver region, Alla Albertovna Zelenina, told me about Sasha; we desperately searched for his parents for many months in a row, during which time the boy managed to be transferred from the orphanage to the nursing home, and a completely wonderful family from California was found, which, thank God, took him right from this house. It was such happiness beyond words: the boy beamed, laughed, and immediately called them "mom" and "dad".

Russia has a very tight and complex bureaucratic system: potential parents must come to Russia at least four times - for the first time they get to know the child and write an application to the court for custody, then they wait for a court decision for two months, then, after the court decision, they have to wait ten days for their rights to come into force, and then issue him a passport, which also takes a lot of time. Fortunately, the number and cost of flights for Americans has not stopped yet. In terms of the composition of documents, Russian and American adoptions are approximately similar - but Russia's trouble is that there is no developed system of social services here. In America, to adopt a child, you need to pass four interviews, and a social worker comes to your house with an inspection, checks where your child will live, where to sleep, where to play, and whether your house has a separate fire escape.

The eighteen thousand dollars that adoption costs consist of several parts: parents, firstly, pay two thousand dollars to the adoption agency, which collects documents for them and finds the child. From three and a half to five thousand dollars there is a package of papers that are being prepared for adoptive parents: a police check with the mandatory taking of fingerprints, certificates from work, income checks. About a thousand costs notarization of papers with all the necessary apostilles. And then - the cost of flights, administrative expenses. This is how those eighteen thousand are obtained.

In my practice, there was a case when the father, the head of the family, moved in a wheelchair: he was a successful businessman, held a high position, and, according to international rules, was considered a worthy adopter. However, in Russia, the court several times refused to adopt him only on the grounds that he was disabled. He protested this decision for many years in a row, and in the end, common sense won out, and he managed to adopt a child from Siberia. There are also problems with children born in mixed marriages - for example, the mother is Russian, the father is Tajik, they saw each other once in their lives, and the documents are not drawn up according to the rules. In this case, the child runs the risk of remaining forever in the orphanage system, because it is impossible to find a dad and re-register everything according to the rules. And at the same time, many Americans would be happy to take him into their family.

Parents know that they always take risks - for example, their adopted child may not be fully diagnosed, or some disease may not be detected. For example, we recently found a child in one family, and right before the adoption, it turned out that the boy had deafness. And a disease of the nervous system may also be detected.

Our agency does not work with homosexual couples: I am a believer, I do not like homosexuality, and if such a couple comes to me, I refuse them under plausible pretexts - I have lived in the USA for twenty-two years, I understand that everyone is equal, but according to my personal beliefs, a child needs both mom and dad. But in other agencies, I know, they also deal with such cases.

It often happens that parents decide to adopt an adopted child, and suddenly the mother becomes pregnant - this is some kind of mysticism, a lucky ticket that falls out to people after they have prepared all the documents for adoption.

There were two tragic cases in the practice of adoption: once, in the ten days that are allotted by the court after the decision was made in favor of the adoptive parents for its entry into force, a drunken nanny in the orphanage dropped the baby on the tiled floor, and he died. The second time, in the same ten days, the foster parents had an accident and died. But in that case, the American grandparents of the adopted child re-registered all the papers for themselves.

There were cases when parents abandoned an adopted child - but we, like any American agency, in this case, by law, must find other "re-adopters". And we always find them. They refuse, as a rule, for medical problems: when a child has a fetal-alcohol syndrome that was not detected in time, or oligophrenia in the degree of debility. My adopted daughters were diagnosed like this - but I knew what I was getting into, and now they drive a car, speak two languages, play tennis very well and are perfectly coordinated.

Despite articles in the press, since 1991 there have been only twelve deaths of adopted children due to the fault of their parents in the entire history of international adoption in the United States. Each case is a terrible, but private tragedy. But wherever I go, I am always reminded of that Russian boy whose American father forgot him in the car. If you look at the statistics, you will see that birth mothers harm their children more often. Not so long ago, there was a note in the local press that an eighteen-year-old New Yorker forgot her own child in a car near a pharmacy - this is the same tragedy. No matter how carefully we check the parents, we cannot exclude the human factor. But now psychologists strongly recommend that parents put a bright and unusual object next to the car seat where the child is sitting so that you pay attention to it when you get out of the car.

In 1994, we helped Margaret Schultz, the daughter of the United States Secretary of State, adopt a child, a boy, Serezha, from the village of Voino, Orel Region. Serezha had rather serious defects in appearance, external manifestations of neurological diseases - a short neck, a duck-like nose ... Russian doctors were sure that he had a serious internal pathology, and no one wanted to take Serezha. Then Margaret, the daughter of John Schultz, came to Voino with an American neuropathologist, who said that these external manifestations were not at all terrible, and she took him for herself. I called her this summer, and our Seryozha, by the way, is studying at Oxford, and is generally considered a representative of the local elite, since his grandfather is the Secretary of State.

In 1992, I helped two twins, Seryozha and Anton, find their parents. They had a birth injury, as a result of which one boy lost his leg, and the other lost two. They were adopted by Vietnam War veteran Ronald Greenfield, who also lacked a leg and instead had an electronic prosthesis. He put the same prostheses on the boys, the boys turned into absolute beauties, now their names are Max and Andy, they ride skateboards and jump from the tower in the pool.