Losing sense of self

Definition, Symptoms, Causes, and Treatment

Overview

Are you questioning who you are? Maybe what your purpose is, or what your values are? If so, you may be going through what some call an identity crisis.

The term “identity crisis” first came from developmental psychologist and psychoanalyst Erik Erikson. He introduced the ideas of adolescent identity crises as well as midlife crises, believing that personalities developed by resolving crises in life.

If you’re experiencing an identity crisis, you may be questioning your sense of self or identity. This can often occur due to big changes or stressors in life, or due to factors such as age or advancement from a certain stage (for example, school, work, or childhood).

Here’s what you need to know about identity crises, if you might be having one, and what you can do.

Having an identity crisis isn’t a diagnosable condition, so there aren’t typical “symptoms,” as with a cold or flu. Instead, here are the signs you may be experiencing an identity crisis:

You’re questioning who you are — overall or with regards to a certain life aspect such as relationships, age, or career.
You’re experiencing great personal conflict due to the questioning of who you are or your role in society.
Big changes have recently occurred that have affected your sense of self, such as a divorce.
You’re questioning things such as your values, spirituality, beliefs, interests, or career path that have a major impact on how you see yourself.
You’re searching for more meaning, reason, or passion in your life.

It’s completely normal to question who you are, especially since we change throughout our lives. However, when it begins to affect your daily thinking or functioning, you may be having a crisis of identity.

Is it something more serious?

Any type of crisis can also result in a decline in your mental health.

Viewing yourself or your life negatively has been shown to be a marker for vulnerability to depression.

If you have any signs of depression, consider seeking help. You should seek help immediately if they’re accompanied by suicidal thoughts.

Symptoms of depression can include:

depressed mood or feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness
loss of interest in things once enjoyed
fatigue
irritability
changes in appetite or weight
issues with concentration, energy levels, motivation, and sleep

Although often thought of as happening at certain ages (for instance, in teens or during “midlife crises”), an identity crisis can happen to anyone, of any age, at any point in one’s life.

Oftentimes, identity crises or other mental health issues can arise due to major life stressors. These stressors don’t have to be inherently bad, but they can still cause a lot of stress, which makes you question who you are and what you value.

Stressors can include:

getting married
getting divorced or separated
moving
experiencing a traumatic event
losing a loved one
losing or getting a job
new health issues

These and other stressors can certainly have an impact on your daily life and how you see yourself.

One recent study found that factors such as social support, stress levels, and health issues could all influence the development of an often-called midlife crisis.

Questioning your sense of self may be stressful, but it can actually be a good thing in the long term. Knowing who you are better and adapting to changes can help you grow as a person.

Here are some things you can do to get through an identity crisis:

Look inward and explore

Take some time out to really look within yourself and ask yourself some questions about what you like and don’t like anymore.

Ask yourself questions and see if you can answer them over time and if the answers help you figure things out. Remember, you don’t have to have all the answers — and they may change from year to year, or decade to decade.

Questions might include:

What qualities and characteristics define you? How has this changed over the years?
If you’re experiencing a major life change: How have things changed for you? Are you content with these changes? How can you cope with these new things occurring?
What are your values? Is anything working in opposition to them?
What are your interests, passions, and hobbies? Are you doing what you like to do, and if not, why not? (If you love to play tennis and haven’t for several years, what factors are preventing it?)
What grounds you? What helps you cope when you’re struggling?
What’s important to you regarding your values, purpose in life, or sense of identity? Is there anything you feel you can do to improve your sense of self?

Search for joy and other ways to cope

What makes you happy? What gives your life a sense of purpose and joy?

You don’t necessarily have to have the perfect job, but if you aren’t doing anything fulfilling in your life, then this might be why you feel like you’re in crisis.

You may find fulfillment in volunteering, taking up a new hobby, connecting with others, or any number of other things outside of your employment. Or, you may find that a new job will be a more appropriate match for who you are.

Find support

Having good social support can help influence how well you cope with big changes, stressors, or questions of identity. There are so many places you can find support.

Look for support in:

friends, partners, and family members
your community or church
a new group, club, or meetup that shares your interests
a support group, especially when dealing with a new health issue
mental health group or individual therapies
team sports or activities

Ignore internal and external judgment

Other people’s expectations as well as our own can have a big effect on how we’re feeling. But don’t let society’s standards dictate who you are and what you should like.

Just because you’re of a certain age, gender, or cultural group, doesn’t mean that you need to follow along if you no longer believe in what you’re following.

Your self-perception is important to your overall well-being, and spending time and energy on judgmental thinking can get you nowhere. It may take time for the people you love to understand any changes you make, but you’ll be happier in the long term if you’re true to yourself.

Seek outside help

If the stress ever gets to be too much, consider seeking outside help. This can come from a trustworthy friend or family member to talk to, or a mental health professional to help you resolve and cope with what’s going on.

Never feel afraid to ask for help. Life — especially big changes — can feel scary, but we all go through it.

Sense of self and identity is important to everyone. Although having an identity crisis can make you feel lost or frustrated, these types of crises can also be fundamentally helpful.

Questioning your sense of self, your purpose, and your values can help you gain a better sense of you who are and who you will be. Remember, change is a part of life, and looking back you will see that you’ve been changing all along.

If you’re experiencing a lot of major life stressors and you feel like you’re in a serious mental health crisis, contact a professional who can help you work through what you’re going through.

Q:

Do all adolescents experience an identity crisis, and how can parents support their children who might be going through this?

Anonymous patient

A:

Many people believe that adolescence is invariably a time of “storm and stress,” which may be partially attributable to identity formation or even “identity crisis.” However, research does not support this notion. Many adolescents make it through this developmental stage without issue, while some find themselves having moderate challenges that they are able to negotiate after some time and effort, or with some additional support. A small minority will have substantial issues that require intensive and ongoing supports. Whatever the case, all adolescents do find themselves defining and deciding upon “who they are,” as they are given more opportunities to be self-directive and autonomous during the transition to adulthood. It is important for parents to create an atmosphere of safety and openness, whereby adolescents feel comfortable sharing their insights and feelings without fear of judgement. Such a relationship will foster the types of conversations that will support adolescents through their transitions, whatever the level of challenge or “crisis.”

Dillon Browne, PhDAnswers represent the opinions of our medical experts. All content is strictly informational and should not be considered medical advice.

6 Signs You Are Losing Sense Of Self (And How To Get Yourself Back)

Self Help

Last Update on July 18, 2022 : Published on February 25, 2022

One of the most important aspects of our overall wellness is to have a stable sense of self-identity. It’s how we define ourselves, after all. Self-identity plays a major role in developing our beliefs, values, and self-worth.

Self-identity is not an inherent trait and takes time to develop. It comes after learning about yourself, accepting yourself, and being aware of how you process your experiences, behaviors, thoughts, and feelings.

When we have a stable sense of self, we become capable of taking responsibility and paying attention to others’ opinions and feelings. Self-identity is how we separate ourselves from the many roles we play in life – a parent, a partner, a sibling, etc. To maintain healthy relationships with others (as well as ourselves), maintaining a solid sense of self-identity is important.

When you begin to have an identity crisis, it can cause you to feel disconnected from who you are, were, or will become in the future. You begin to feel like a different person.

While identity crisis is not directly related to your personality, it can still affect some traits of your personality.

Why Do You Experience A Loss Of Identity?

The environment we grow up in can leave a huge impact on our sense of self and self-awareness. During our teenage years, we begin to learn about ourselves and if we don’t have a healthy and safe environment to do so, it can make learning and grasping our sense of self unsuccessful, leading to either a loss of identity or confusing adulthood.

But how to know you’re losing your identity? Here are some signs to help you spot the loss of self-identity and how to get yourself back!

6 Signs You’re Losing Sense Of Self

1. You Don’t Give Yourself Time

Oftentimes when you begin to feel a loss of identity, you begin to surround yourself with other people and things, leaving you with little to no time for yourself at all. Taking some time to yourself can be crucial as it allows you to decompress from social stress and also allows you to just be with yourself.

2. You Become A Different Person At Times

When you change your interests to match others’ then it can be the start of losing self-identity. This can often be seen in romantic relationships where one partner will ignore or match their partner’s interests and become a different person when they are with them. This kind of behavior can take a toll on your self-worth and the ability to be your true self.

3. You’re Losing Passion For Things You Valued

Another sign of losing your identity is when you begin to feel a loss of confidence, especially when it comes to following your passion and enjoyment in things you once enjoyed. You’d notice that you’re more socially isolating and show low participation in things you normally enjoy. This can increase your feelings of uneasiness about who you are.

4. You Seek External Validation

When you struggle with a loss of confidence, you often seek external validation to reassure yourself that you’re doing well and deserve others’ attention and care. The problem comes when you’re unable to gain internal validation and can’t approve yourself separately. When you can’t do that, your external validation seeking can put a strain on your relationships.

5. Your Self-Care Is Non-Existent

Self-care is one of the most important things (and the first of many) you can do when you want to destress, right? When you begin to feel the loss of self-identity, you forget or ignore prioritizing your mental and physical health. Addressing your body’s and mind’s needs can help you accept and love yourself, which in turn, can create a solid sense of self.

6. Your Negative Self-Talk Is Loud

When you lose your self-worth, your negative self-talk increases. It’s okay to doubt and criticize yourself but when your thoughts and self-talk turn into self-hatred, it can cause you to feel worthless and eventually lose your sense of self-identity. To fix this, you can change your thinking process and be kinder to yourself, your mistakes, and your failures.

How to Get Yourself Back?

To get your sense of self-identity, you can try to:

1. Reconnect With Your Loved Ones: Try to pencil in more time with your loved ones. These people are important to you and can help improve your sense of self-esteem which you may have lost.

2. Restart Your Hobbies: Doing things that interest you can not only satisfy you but can also help nurture and develop your inner self. Whatever helps you stay mentally and physically healthy can get your sense of self back.

3. Set Healthy Boundaries: As I said, making time for yourself is important, so set healthy boundaries and make sure you get your “me time” to enjoy things you love.

4. Follow Your Passion: Sometimes we lose track of our passion to follow our short-term goals but it’s not alright in the long run. Following your passion can energize you to do better things. So, follow your dreams and pursue your purpose in life to regain the loss of self-identity.

If you’re struggling with a loss of sense of self, then you can reach out to a professional counselor for help. A professional can help you understand the pattern and behavior that led to your loss of self-identity and can help you regain your self-identity.

Seek Professional Help

For more, you can also connect with us at [email protected] or DM us on social media. Don’t forget to share this article with your friends and do let us know in the comments sections if you found this article helpful!

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Psychologists told how to cultivate self-esteem

MOSCOW, October 17 - RIA Novosti. A person's self-esteem does not depend on his material well-being: it can be much higher for a janitor than for an oligarch. However, for people with disabilities, the opportunity to work and earn money allows them to feel like a full-fledged member of society, experts and psychologists interviewed by RIA Novosti believe.

World Dignity Day, which is held annually on October 17 in more than 50 countries around the world, aims to draw society's attention to the development of a sense of leadership and self-respect. In Russia, this event is held for the second time and it is expected that special events for this day will be held at educational sites in Moscow, St. Petersburg and Ulan-Ude.

You don't have to be an oligarch...

Every person has self-esteem, the only difference is that it is different for everyone, noted psychotherapist Konstantin Olkhovoi. “One of the main determinants of the size of a sense of dignity can be the size of the line beyond which a person is ready to go or not ready to go and considers it unworthy of himself. Some consider it unworthy to humiliate and offend other people, while others believe that they should not reckon with the opinion strangers," Olkhovoy said.

According to him, a sense of dignity is determined by the upbringing of a person. A janitor's self-esteem can be much higher than, for example, an oligarch's. “I think that the material side plays a secondary role here. It’s another matter if a person, for example, was brought up from childhood in such a way that only the rich can have self-esteem, then poverty for this person will have a determining factor,” the expert believes.

Olkhova believes that in order to cultivate the right sense of self-worth in a person, it is important not only to love a child, but also to respect his views. “Too often we forget that a child is an independent person, with his own problems and joys. And the more we respect our own children, the more self-esteem arises in the child. If the child sees that they are treated with respect to him, to other people , often this forms a sense of self-worth, which does not infringe on the feelings of other people, but supports oneself and others," Olkhovoy said.

Worthy upbringing

One of the main life lines in the development of a child is his relationship with his mother. In these relations, from early childhood, either a basic trust in the world or distrust is born, says Vice President of the Russian Society of Psychologists, Academician of the Russian Academy of Education, Professor Alexander Asmolov. "Any sense of dignity is based on trust in the world and faith in oneself," he said.

Asmolov recommends to all parents the work of Janusz Korczak "How to love a child" as a handbook for raising children.

He also believes that children should be taught responsibility for their actions from early childhood. "Love alone without the generation of responsibility will not lead to the formation of attitudes of self-esteem," the professor added.

A child must learn not only compassion from childhood, but also learn to be happy for the people around him, the psychologist explained.

"We know that children between the ages of 5 and 7 can empathize enough with other children when they have a misfortune. However, children are very weak at rejoicing for other children. It is no coincidence that psychologists say: people can sympathize, but only angels," added the psychologist.

Independence and Independence

According to Mikhail Novikov, project manager of the regional public organization of the disabled "Perspektiva" Mikhail Novikov, a person gains self-esteem when he feels himself independent and independent.

"A disabled person in Russia cannot fully feel independent, and it is independence that is the basis of self-esteem. Unfortunately, in our society there are a lot of barriers for people with disabilities that they constantly have to face. You always need to look for someone who will help: climb the stairs, go down the curb, get into the building. You constantly have to look for someone's help. And this hits dignity, pride, "Novikov believes.

Nikolai Morzhin, executive director of the regional public organization "Center for Curative Pedagogy", agrees with him.

"The level of self-worth of each individual person depends on the state of society as a whole. It is not so important here whether he has a disability or not," he is sure.

Novikov added that disabled people in Russia often lose faith in their abilities due to the lack of opportunities to find a job, to realize themselves.

"It's important to find something to do in life. Nothing boosts self-esteem like the opportunity to earn money. When you can invite your mother to a restaurant and pay for dinner, you rise not only in her eyes, but in yours too," says Novikov.

He also noted that the development of inclusive education, where children with disabilities can learn together with their healthy peers, will allow children with disabilities to realize their full potential. Specialized correctional schools and boarding schools, he says, can lead to the suppression of a child's self-esteem.

"Children in a boarding school are obliged to listen to their teachers in everything, to follow the routine, not to argue. And most importantly, no one perceives their own opinion," he is sure.

An important role, according to him, in the formation of personality is played by upbringing.

“Recently I witnessed an unpleasant scene. Mom brought her son with cerebral palsy to rehabilitation classes, and I was struck by her conversation with the child. She told him: “Get used to it, now we have to crawl like this all our lives” . .. The child is crying, she is harsh with him and constantly reminds him of his disability. This, of course, is wrong," Novikov said.

Self-esteem - what is it. How to bring him up and keep him

“His heart rate is clearly too high”, “You don’t value yourself, you deserve much more” – you can hear it out of the corner of your ear or directly addressed to you. What is this CHSD? Self-esteem, which shows how much a person respects, appreciates and loves himself. It also determines the level of claims, and in general the activity in life, its very content and success. Self-esteem can be inadequate (overestimated or underestimated) and adequate, but it cannot be absent.

CONTENTS

1 What is human dignity
2 Risks of inadequate heart rate
3 How to educate heart rate
4 Recovery and maintenance of heart rate

What is human dignity

Self-esteem (PES) is largely related to self-esteem. But this is not the only component and not its synonym. HR is a complex system of interdependent feelings and emotions. In addition to self-esteem, self-perception and other products of selfhood also contribute: self-respect, self-awareness. Roughly speaking, self-esteem is the result of a person's assessment of his own significance and worth.

Accordingly, this comes from self-knowledge, a healthy self-concept. But what is self-knowledge? Acquaintance of a person with himself, acceptance of himself (with all the advantages and disadvantages, innate features) and identification of interests, needs, formation of his own worldview. However, is it based solely on self-assessment and self-analysis? No. From birth, a child perceives himself as adults see him, which they willingly express through: “what a good boy”, “you are bad, dumb”, “can’t do anything”, “you can’t rely on”, “you are my support in life." What do you think, using these phrases as an example, which of them will form an adequate self-esteem and an adequate heart rate, and which ones will underestimate?

Low self-esteem is based on inadequate criticism and demands, humiliation, insults, coercion from the environment, smoothly turning into elements of the inner world of the individual. As for the overestimated HSF, its roots are egocentrism and a God complex, permissiveness, upbringing like the “family idol”.

The feeling of personal dignity consists not only of the feeling of one's own value, but also of the value of everything that is directly related to the individual:

family;
partner in a relationship;
work;
hobbies;
friends;
hobby;
interests.

Some elements depend on us, this is our direct choice, but some do not. For example, by humiliating his partner, a person humiliates himself, because it is his choice to be in a relationship with this person. But the family in which to be born, no one chooses. Therefore, it is wrong to humiliate yourself because of the unworthy lifestyle of your parents.

Risks in case of inadequate heart rate

First of all, among the risks we should talk about humiliation. With a low sense of self-esteem, a person allows himself to be humiliated, and with an overestimated one, he humiliates other people. Naturally, this spoils relationships with others. In addition, with an overestimated heart rate, a person suffers from resentment, disappointment, and frustration. When underestimated - takes the role of a victim, suffers from self-flagellation, failure and unhappiness in life.

Surely you are familiar with such an evaluation system: "This is below my dignity" / "I am not worthy of this." However, both of these statements can be both adequate and inadequate. Everything depends on the context. But the situation is aggravated even more by the difference in interpretations of what a “worthy person” is. There is no single measure of human dignity. Therefore, it is worth focusing on the beliefs and values of a particular society, the reference group and one's own internal attitudes. Someone determines dignity by social status, someone by the level of intelligence, someone by socially useful deeds, and someone takes into account all three components or names the fourth criterion.

Self-respect also comes with responsibility. Namely, the responsibility for maintaining one's dignity, avoiding actions that deprive oneself of self-respect. The boundary of the affected CSD is shame and guilt. A blow to self-esteem and shame from what happened is a common reason for victims to remain silent about rapes and beatings. Some people are especially vulnerable, even everyday troubles can hurt their dignity. The result is the same - shame, humiliation, isolation. And if the values that determine self-esteem differ from person to person, from culture to culture and from society to society, then the shame of loss of dignity is inevitable for everyone.

How to nurture FSD

The development of self-esteem and self-awareness, and therefore a sense of significance, depends on the nature of the relationship between the child and the mother. With good mutual understanding (understanding the needs of the child, attention and communication, providing independence in choosing actions and solitude), self-esteem is formed healthy. The development of self-awareness and self-esteem depends on respect for the personal space of the child (this is necessary for everyone from birth, the child must be secluded in front of the mother, under her control).

Because of the mother's anxiety about losing control over the child and the need to receive love from the child on a regular basis, sometimes the baby is completely deprived of free time and the opportunity to realize himself. In anxious mothers and in families with overprotectiveness, children grow up passive, lacking initiative, and dependent.

So, self-esteem arises from the relationship between the child and the mother in early childhood. The following scenarios are popular:

When a child is given personal space in the presence of a mother (another significant adult), the attitude is formed: “I have the right to mind my own business. I can be myself even in the company of other people. I don’t have to constantly interact with someone and I don’t need to be imposed. ”
In case of overprotection, the child receives the instruction: “Everything must be strictly under control. Independence and spontaneity is not allowed. I have a duty to constantly demonstrate my concern and love for others.”
In a situation where a mother expresses her dissatisfaction and the inability to deal with personal affairs, forced communication with a child, the attitude is formed in him: “You need to be grateful that someone wants to communicate with me, spend time with me. Someday I'll be left alone. I always annoy others."
When a mother indulges a child, treating her as an idol, an attitude is formed: “Everyone owes me for spending time with them. I can get whatever I want for the mere fact of my existence.”

In the first case, self-esteem is brought up adequately, in the second and third cases - low self-esteem. In the fourth case - an overestimated sense of self-worth. Accordingly, self-esteem is adequate, underestimated and overestimated (in the same order).

A child's rejection of himself at an early stage of development causes a lack of self-esteem in the future. Accordingly, self-acceptance builds healthy self-esteem.

Restoration and preservation of HR

Adequate self-esteem is necessary for human survival and personal development. However, even correct self-love and self-respect is perceived by some people as boasting, selfishness, arrogance.

As we found out, self-esteem begins to form from childhood. In psychotherapy, as a rule, it turns out that for the first time a person heard an assessment of his own worthlessness in childhood from a significant adult, and a little later subconsciously took this for his own opinion.

Identification with the aggressor is a defense mechanism in which the victim whitewashes the image of the aggressor. In this case, we are talking about primary independent self-humiliation and self-condemnation, unpleasant statements addressed to the victim before the aggressor does (or would have done in the victim's view).

How to understand your own sense of dignity? First of all, answer two questions:

What am I proud of in myself?
What aspects of my personality, life, I would like to hide?

Additionally, you can note what values and guidelines prevail in society, a certain group. How do they relate to previous answers? Sometimes it turns out that both a reason for pride and an object of mystery are one and the same. How is this possible? When the situation of development does not correspond to the real needs and characteristics of the individual, it infringes on it.

Work on the preservation and restoration of self-esteem involves the analysis of the "porridge" in the head into conscious and subconscious, the distinction between one's own judgments and someone else's from the outside. But only a professional psychoanalyst can carry out such work. The fact is that if there are obvious problems in self-esteem and signs of an inferiority complex, then independent “outbursts” of rationality and a clear perception of the situation will not be stable.

The purpose of the work to restore and preserve self-esteem is to receive and accept the real I, to separate it from all imposed and invented images:

Feeling that I am. You need to realize your self, the very fact of the existence of a unique person with their actions, reactions, thoughts and feelings.
Awareness of who I am. Working with self-esteem involves understanding and searching for what kind of person he is and how he lives. From this already follows the significance of the individual.
Self-esteem is the value I attach to my personality. If self-esteem is adequate, then I positively characterize my image. With low self-esteem, ideas about oneself are negative, cause self-abasement and a feeling of inferiority. The roots of self-esteem are always fixed in the subconscious.

How to correct the heart rate yourself? First of all, realize that you really need it. Without motivation and purpose, nothing will come of it. Next, you need to develop positive thinking, cultivate in yourself those traits that will restore self-respect, and get rid of oppressive factors. Review your life, environment, work.

How to maintain self-esteem:

Develop willpower and self-regulation. If you have set your own personal bar and path, then you need to follow it no matter what. This is the only way to maintain self-respect. But be careful. Do not go to the extreme of pride and arrogance.
Auto-training has a positive effect. Use it to return self-love and unconditional respect, and then find something for which you can be proud of yourself. Don't try to please all people. Choose your criteria for a worthy person and listen to the opinions of significant others.
Learn to say "no" and make decisions based on your own beliefs. No need to prove anything to anyone, do as you see fit.
Get rid of cravings for servility and fears (to be abandoned, misunderstood, rejected, and so on).
Interact with people when you yourself want it (or make it so that you yourself want it), and not under duress and for the sake of the status of a “worthy person”.
Recognize your rights and other people's rights to different interests and desires. Use your right and do not interfere with others. Remember that personal interests do not always coincide, but each person has the right to their satisfaction.
Set personal boundaries: what you will not allow in relation to yourself and what you yourself will never do in relation to other people. Maintain these boundaries unwaveringly.
Learn to sincerely and appropriately speak about your achievements and merits, do not be afraid of compliments, do not be ashamed of merit. Record your achievements, compare yourself exclusively with yourself. It is useful to make a collage of your life at home with all the plans and victories, the means to achieve the goal.

Self-esteem is not given from birth. This is a product of socialization, education, learning, suggestion, copying samples, self-education, and so on.

Thus, in order to correct and maintain self-esteem, you need to work with self-esteem, self-confidence, independence, success, inner peace and harmony.