How many godparents should a child have
What Their Role Is and Who to Ask
As a new parent or parent-to-be, you’ve likely thought of all the ways you’re planning to support and guide your child through life. But have you considered who else could serve as an advisor and role model for your child? After all, life’s path can get a bit bumpy, and the more positive influences in your kid’s world, the better. That’s where a godparent comes in.
“Godparent” is a term that gets tossed around a lot, but you may find yourself wondering, exactly what is a godparent? Whether you’re religious, spiritual on your own terms or strictly secular, here’s what you need to know about the tradition, the role of godparents and how you can make the custom your own.
In this article:
What is a godparent?
The role of godparents
How to choose godparents
How to ask someone to be a godparent
Celebrating with a godparent ceremony
What Is a Godparent?
Traditionally, a godparent is a sponsor chosen when someone, often a baby, receives the sacrament of Baptism, a rite of admission into Christianity.
“The godparent is a member of the church community who supports the faith of the person being baptized,” says Robert Matava, PhD, dean of Christendom College Graduate School of Theology in Alexandria, Virginia. “Given the responsibilities that faith and incorporation into the Church entail, the godparent should be someone who can help the newly baptized person understand and live out these responsibilities.”
Depending on the type of church you belong to, the precise godparent definition can vary.
“What this looks like depends on the church in which the parents belong,” explains Michael Bos, senior minister at Marble Collegiate Church in New York City. “It can mean hands-on conversations about faith with the child, or even being ready to step in and oversee the children’s spiritual formation should anything happen to the parents.”
Whether the idea of appointing a godparent is part of your religious beliefs or not, you can still have a godparent figure in your kid’s life.
This may change the godparent definition a bit, but it’s all centered around a desire to provide your little one with a strong role model in life.
“I like the term ‘guide parent,’” says Greg Epstein, humanist chaplain at Harvard and MIT and author of Good without God. “Many people want somebody who they love and admire who will play a special role in their kid’s life…It’s essentially adding an extra role model for the child.”
How many godparents can a child have?
According to the Catholic Church, a child can have up to two godparents (and in that case, they must be a man and woman), but only one is required. But as Bos points out, each church or organization may have their own unique guidelines. “Traditionally it’s been two, but some churches have three, some only have one and others have no specified number at all,” he says. And of course, if you like the idea of naming non-religious godparents, you can have as many as you’d like.
The Role of Godparents
The role of godparents, traditionally, is to help the christened person understand and live out their faith and religious responsibilities.
“This can include things like helping the newly baptized person to understand the beatitudes and the decalogue; guiding them to find, accept and fulfill their personal vocation; and raising their awareness of the Precepts—or laws—of the Church,” Matava says.
But the role of godparents doesn’t necessarily have to revolve around religion. Most godparents take an active role in all aspects of the kid’s life. “For many, this role has expanded to become more of a co-parent,” Bos says. “It can be tough raising children, and it can be tough being a child. A godparent can provide a significant relationship of love and support for a family.”
How to Choose Godparents
Seeing as you can select your child’s godparents from among family or friends, the pool of potential candidates can be pretty big, and it can be tough to only pick a couple of people to honor with the coveted title. Careful deliberation should go into choosing godparents. Ask yourself: What is a godparent and what does it mean to you?
If you’re a member of the Catholic Church, there are a few guidelines you have to follow, Matava explains.
Godparents must be chosen by the parents or guardian and cannot be the child’s mother or father. They should also be at least 16 years old and must be an active member of the church who has received the sacraments of confirmation and communion. Keeping all that in mind, choose “someone who can serve as an authentic example of Christian charity—someone who could demonstrate holiness of life,” Matava advises.
The role of godparents isn’t just an honor—it’s a big responsibility. Once you’ve made a decision, check in with the particular family member or friend to make sure they’re personally up to the call of duty. “Remember that this is for life. You don’t fire godparents or swap them out,” Bos says. “You want to ask someone you know will be a positive presence in your child’s life—and yours.” He adds, “A way to think about this, particularly if you expect the godparent to have an active role in your child’s life, is to ask yourself: ‘Would I be comfortable having this person raise my child if I weren’t able to?’ If the answer is yes, then you’re on the path.
In fact, many godparents are also named as the child’s legal guardians in the parent’s will.”
Religion aside, Epstein says each parent should think about why they want to choose someone as a godparent, and what’s unique about that person that can be passed on to their child. “If someone is creative, they can introduce different types of music, art and drama into your child’s life; if they’re into science, they can teach different STEM concepts through play and activities; or if the potential ‘guide parent’ is someone involved in community, encourage them to take your kid to a soup kitchen, get involved with a local charity or even peacefully protest something they believe in,” he says.
How to Ask Someone to Be a Godparent
Once you know who you’re going to ask, the next question is when. If you’re a member of the Catholic Church, the earlier you ask the better. Many parishes require a letter of recommendation from the godparent, as well as other forms of documentation showing they’re active members of the church and understand what’s expected from the role of godparents.
“It’s wonderful when godparents are asked before a child is born. This allows them to provide support from the first day of the child’s birth,” Bos says. “Before asking someone, it’s critical to know your church’s requirements for this, and to explain your and your church’s expectations for the godparent.”
Regardless of whether it holds religious significance for you, asking someone to be a godparent is a big deal. Luckily, there are lots of ways to make the moment memorable. Heartfelt cards and personalized gifts—like picture frames, keychains or jewelry—add a nice touch. You can even DIY simple but sweet sentiments to gift to a godparent. The blogger behind Life in a Nutshell shares a cute way her friends asked her to be a godmother with an adorable poem signed from the baby-to-be.
Celebrating with a Godparent Ceremony
As far as a godparent ceremony is concerned, Catholics welcome baby into the church and celebrate their godparent during the sacrament of Baptism.
But if you’re not religious, you can still commemorate the milestone in a handful of other ways.
“A ceremony revolving around the birth of a child goes across every culture the world has ever known,” he says. “There’s no single, one-size-fits-all book telling you how to do it, but there are endless opportunities to make the ceremony your own.”
He suggests a “Welcome to the World” party as a secular alternative, during which the newly appointed godparents can make speeches, similar to wedding vows, revolving around what they hope for in their relationship with baby and all the ways they’ll see it through. Another sweet idea is to have godparents honor their bond with baby by planting a tree with the parents to symbolize their blossoming relationship. They can also bury a few important mementos in a time capsule for baby to discover 10 or 20 years later, reminding the godparents they’re a constant force in baby’s life, or write letters to baby that your child will be able to read when they’re older.
“Godparent” is an ever-evolving and open-ended term. For some it’s vested in sacred and holy traditions, while others see it as something that has nothing to do with religion at all. Whatever your beliefs, there’s always a way to make the tradition your own. If nothing else, it’s an opportunity to provide your child with another adult role model who they know loves them and wants the best for them throughout life.
Published February 2019
Plus, more from The Bump:
Unique Birth Traditions Around the World
How to Turn Little Moments Into Big Celebrations All Year Long
Why You Should Make a Family Mission Statement
How many godparents can you have, what do they do and how are they involved in a christening?
GODPARENTS often play a big part in a child's life or, at the very least, turn up with gifts on their birthday.
Here we look at whether at how many a kid can have and what their rights are...
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Being a godparent is not a legal appointmentCredit: Getty - ContributorHow many godparents can you have?
Traditionally, Christian children have three godparents in total, though they can have as many as the parent wants.
Girls usually have two godmothers and one godfather while boys have two godfathers and one godmother but there is no hard and fast rules nowadays.
Non-practising Christians can have as many or as few as they like, though it is customary to have at least one godfather and one godmother.
Blood relatives and members of the family can be chosen to be the child's godparent.
Who can be godparents and what do godparents do?
Having godparents is thought to date back to the second century, when baptisms became widespread.
When a child is born parents will often turn to close family members or friends and ask them to be a godparent to their child.
Traditionally, godparents were responsible for ensuring a child's religious education and helping them develop their faith.
But in modern times, the individual is chosen by parents to take a general interest in the kid's wellbeing and development, not necessarily with a religious aspect.
This is not a legal appointment and, should anything happen to the parents, godparents would not automatically become responsible for that child.
While traditionally there was a religious aspect to being a godparent there is not set rule about whether or not the godparents have been christened or not.
This though also depends on the church the baby is being christened into.
Some strict churches may ask that all the godparents have been christened in order to fulfil their role, or others may be happy to perform the service if only one person has. Some may not even bother.
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How are godparents involved in a christening?
Godparents play an important role in christenings, according to Church of England Christenings.
"In the christening service, you will make some big promises to support your godchild throughout their life," the website states.
They often bring the infant to the font to be baptised and in countries such as Latvia, it is the godparents who also choose a name for the child.
Christening gifts are traditionally silver, such as a silver spoon or rattle but here, too, this tradition is fading and all kinds of presents can be given.
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Baptism, the sacrament of Baptism: answers to questions
What is Baptism? Why is it called a Sacrament? You will find comprehensive answers to all these questions in this article prepared by the editors of Pravmir.
The Sacrament of Baptism: Answers to Readers' Questions
Today I would like to tell the reader about the sacrament of Baptism and the godparents.
For ease of perception, I will offer the reader an article in the form of questions most frequently asked by people about Baptism and the answers to them. So first question:
What is Baptism? Why is it called the Sacrament?
Baptism is one of the seven sacraments of the Orthodox Church, in which the believer, when the body is immersed three times in water with the invocation of the name of the Most Holy Trinity - the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, dies to a sinful life, and is reborn by the Holy Spirit for Eternal Life. Of course, there is a basis for this action in the Holy Scriptures: "He who is not born of water and the Spirit cannot enter the Kingdom of God" (John 3:5). Christ says in the Gospel: “Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved; but whoever does not believe will be condemned” (Mark 16:16).
So, baptism is necessary for a person to be saved. Baptism is a new birth for spiritual life, in which a person can reach the Kingdom of Heaven. And it is called a sacrament because through it, in a mysterious, incomprehensible way for us, the invisible saving power of God, grace, acts on the person being baptized. Like other sacraments, baptism is established by God. The Lord Jesus Christ himself, sending the apostles to preach the gospel, taught them to baptize people: “Go, make disciples of all peoples, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit” (Matt. 28, 19). Having been baptized, a person becomes a member of the Church of Christ and from now on can proceed to the rest of the sacraments of the Church.
Now that the reader has become familiar with the Orthodox concept of baptism, it is appropriate to consider one of the most frequently asked questions related to the baptism of children. So:
Baptism of infants: is it possible to baptize infants, because they do not have an independent faith?
Quite right, small children do not have independent, conscious faith.
But don't the parents who brought their child to be baptized in the temple of God have it? Will they not instill faith in God in their child from childhood? It is obvious that parents have such a faith, and most likely will instill it in their child. In addition, the child will also have godparents - godparents from the baptismal font, who vouch for him and undertake to raise their godchild in the Orthodox faith. Thus, infants are baptized not according to their own faith, but according to the faith of their parents and godparents who brought the child to baptism.
Old Testament circumcision was a type of New Testament baptism. In the Old Testament, babies were brought to the temple for circumcision on the eighth day. By this, the child's parents showed their and his faith and belonging to God's chosen people. Christians can say the same about baptism in the words of John Chrysostom: "Baptism is the most obvious difference and separation of the faithful from the unbelievers." Moreover, there is a basis for this in the Holy Scriptures: “They were circumcised with a circumcision made without hands, by putting off the sinful body of the flesh, by the circumcision of Christ; being buried with Him in baptism” (Col.
2:11-12). That is, baptism is a dying and burial for sin and a resurrection for a perfect life with Christ.
These reasons are enough to make the reader realize the importance of infant baptism. After that, the question will be quite natural:
When is it necessary to baptize children?
There are no specific rules in this matter. But usually children are baptized on the 40th day after birth, although this can be done earlier or later. The main thing is not to postpone baptism for a long time unless absolutely necessary. It would be wrong to deprive a child of such a great sacrament for the sake of the circumstances.
The inquisitive reader may have questions about the days of baptism. For example, on the eve of multi-day fasts, the question most often heard is:
Is it possible to baptize children on fasting days?
Of course you can! But technically it doesn't always work. In some churches, during the days of Great Lent, they baptize only on Saturdays and Sundays.
This practice is most likely based on the fact that weekday Lenten services are very long, and the intervals between morning and evening services can be short. On Saturdays and Sundays, divine services are somewhat shorter in time, and priests can devote more time to the requirements. Therefore, when planning the day of baptism, it is better to find out in advance about the rules observed in the temple where the child will be baptized. Well, if we talk about the days on which you can baptize, then there are no restrictions on this issue. You can baptize children on any day when there are no technical obstacles to this.
I have already mentioned that every person, if possible, should have godparents - godparents from the baptismal font. Moreover, they should be in children who are baptized according to the faith of their parents and godparents. The question arises:
How many godparents should a child have?
Church canons prescribe that a child be given the same gender as the person being baptized.
That is, for a boy - a man, and for a girl - a woman. In tradition, both godparents are usually chosen for the child: father and mother. This does not contradict the canons in any way. It will also not be a contradiction if, if necessary, the child has a godfather of a different sex than the baptized person himself. The main thing is that it should be a truly believing person who would subsequently conscientiously fulfill his duties of raising a child in the Orthodox faith. Thus, a baptized person can have one or, at most, two godparents.
Having dealt with the number of godparents, the reader will most likely want to know:
What are the requirements for godparents?
The first and main requirement is the undoubted Orthodox faith of the recipients. Godparents must be church-going people, living the church life. After all, they will have to teach their godson or goddaughter the basics of the Orthodox faith, to give spiritual instructions. If they themselves are ignorant of these matters, what will they be able to teach the child? The godparents have a huge responsibility for the spiritual upbringing of their godchildren, for they, together with their parents, are responsible for it before God.
This responsibility begins with the renunciation of "Satan, and all his works, and all his angels, and all his ministry, and all his pride." Thus, the godparents, answering for their godson, make a promise that their godchild will be a Christian.
If the godson is already an adult and pronounces the words of renunciation himself, then the godparents present become guarantors before the Church in the faithfulness of his words. Godparents are obliged to teach their godchildren to resort to the saving Sacraments of the Church, mainly confession and communion, they must give them knowledge about the meaning of worship, the features of the church calendar, the grace-filled power of miraculous icons and other shrines. The godparents must accustom those taken from the font to attend church services, fast, pray, and observe other provisions of the church charter. But the main thing is that godparents should always pray for their godson. Obviously, strangers cannot be godparents, for example, some kind-hearted grandmother from the church, whom her parents persuaded to “hold” the baby at baptism.
But it's also not worth taking as godparents just close people or relatives who do not meet the spiritual requirements that were outlined above.
Godparents should not become an object of personal gain for the parents of the person being baptized. The desire to intermarry with a profitable person, for example, with a boss, often guides parents when choosing godparents for a child. At the same time, forgetting about the true purpose of baptism, parents can deprive the child of a real godfather, and impose on him one who subsequently will not at all care about the spiritual upbringing of the child, for which he himself will also answer to God. Unrepentant sinners and people leading an immoral lifestyle cannot become godparents.
Some of the details of baptism include the following question:
Can a woman become a godmother on the days of the monthly cleansing? What to do if it did happen?
On such days, women should refrain from participating in church sacraments, which include baptism.
But if this did happen, then it is necessary to repent at confession.
Perhaps someone reading this article will become a godfather in the near future. Realizing the importance of the decision being made, they will be interested in:
How should future godparents prepare for baptism?
There are no special rules for preparing recipients for baptism. At some churches, special talks are held, the purpose of which is usually to explain to a person all the provisions of the Orthodox faith regarding baptism and acceptance. If there is an opportunity to attend such conversations, then it is necessary to do this, because. this is very helpful for future godparents. If the future godparents are sufficiently churched, they constantly confess and take communion, then attending such conversations will be a completely sufficient measure of preparation for them.
If potential recipients themselves are not yet sufficiently churched, then a good preparation for them will be not only acquiring the necessary knowledge about church life, but also studying the Holy Scriptures, the basic rules of Christian piety, as well as a three-day fast, confession and communion before the sacrament of baptism.
There are several other traditions regarding recipients. Usually the godfather takes care of the payment (if any) for the baptism itself and the purchase of a pectoral cross for his godson. The godmother buys a baptismal cross for the girl, and also brings the things necessary for baptism. Typically, a christening kit includes a baptismal shirt, a sheet and a towel.
But these traditions are not binding. Often, different regions and even individual churches have their own traditions, the implementation of which is strictly monitored by parishioners and even priests, although they do not have any dogmatic and canonical foundations. Therefore, it is better to learn more about them in the temple in which baptism will take place.
Sometimes one hears a purely technical question related to baptism:
What should godparents give for baptism (godson, godchild's parents, priest)?
This question does not lie in the spiritual realm, regulated by canonical rules and traditions.
But, it seems that the gift should be useful and remind of the day of baptism. Useful gifts on the day of baptism could be icons, the Gospel, spiritual literature, prayer books, etc. In general, in church shops you can now find a lot of interesting and soulful things, so acquiring a worthy gift should not be a big difficulty.
A fairly common question asked by unchurched parents is:
Can non-Orthodox Christians or Gentiles become godparents?
It is quite obvious that they are not, because they will not be able to teach their godson the truths of the Orthodox faith. Not being members of the Orthodox Church, they cannot take part in church sacraments at all.
Unfortunately, many parents do not ask about this in advance and without any remorse invite non-Orthodox and non-Orthodox godparents to their children. At baptism, of course, no one talks about this. But then, having learned about the inadmissibility of the deed, the parents run to the temple, asking:0003
What should I do if this happened by mistake? Is baptism valid in this case? Should a child be baptized?
First of all, such situations show the extreme irresponsibility of parents when choosing godparents for their child.
Nevertheless, such cases are not uncommon, and they occur among unchurched people who do not live a church life. An unequivocal answer to the question "what to do in this case?" it is impossible to give, because there is nothing of the kind in the church canons. This is not surprising, since canons and rules are written for members of the Orthodox Church, which cannot be said about heterodox and non-believers. Nevertheless, as a fact, baptism took place, and it cannot be called invalid. It is legal and valid, and the baptized one has become a full-fledged Orthodox Christian, because. was baptized by an Orthodox priest in the name of the Holy Trinity. No rebaptism is required; there is no such concept at all in the Orthodox Church. A person is born once physically, he cannot repeat it again. Likewise, only once a person can be born for spiritual life, so there can be only one baptism.
I will allow myself a small digression and tell the reader how once I had to witness one not very pleasant scene.
A young married couple brought their newborn son to the temple for baptism. The couple worked in a foreign company and invited one of their colleagues, a foreigner, a Lutheran, to become godfather. True, a girl of the Orthodox faith was supposed to become a godmother. Neither parents nor future godparents were distinguished by special knowledge in the field of Orthodox dogma. The news of the impossibility of having a Lutheran as godfather of their son was received with hostility by the child's parents. They were asked to find another godfather or to baptize the child with one godmother. But this proposal angered the father and mother even more. The stubborn desire to see this particular person as the successor prevailed over the common sense of the parents and the priest had to refuse to baptize the child. So the illiteracy of the parents became an obstacle to the baptism of their child.
Thank God that such situations never happened again in my priestly practice. The curious reader may well assume that there may be some obstacles to receiving the sacrament of baptism.
And he will be absolutely right. So:
In what case can a priest refuse a person to be baptized?
Orthodox believe in God the Trinity - Father, Son and Holy Spirit. The founder of the Christian faith was the Son - the Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, a person who does not accept the divinity of Christ and does not believe in the Holy Trinity cannot be an Orthodox Christian. Also, a person who denies the truths of the Orthodox faith cannot become an Orthodox Christian. The priest has the right to refuse to baptize a person if he is going to accept the sacrament as some kind of magical rite or has some pagan belief regarding baptism itself. But this is a separate issue and I will touch on it later.
A very common question about sponsors is:
Can spouses or those who are about to get married become godparents?
Yes, they can. Contrary to popular belief, there is no canonical prohibition for spouses or those about to get married to be godparents to one child.
There is only a canonical rule that prohibits the godfather from marrying the child's mother. The spiritual relationship established between them through the sacrament of baptism is higher than any other union, even marriage. But this rule does not affect the possibility of marriage of godparents or the possibility of spouses to become godparents.
Sometimes unchurched parents of children, wanting to find godparents for their children, ask the following question:
Can people living in a civil marriage become godparents?
At first glance, this is a rather complicated issue, but from the church's point of view, it is solved unambiguously. Such a family cannot be called complete. And in general it is impossible to call prodigal cohabitation a family. After all, in fact, people living in the so-called civil marriage live in fornication. This is a big problem in modern society. People baptized in the Orthodox Church, at least conscious of themselves as Christians, for some incomprehensible reasons, refuse to legitimize their union not only before God (which is undoubtedly more important), but also before the state.
There are countless answers to be heard. But, unfortunately, these people simply do not want to understand that they are looking for any excuses for themselves.
For God, the desire to “get to know each other better” or “unwillingness to stain the passport with unnecessary stamps” cannot be an excuse for fornication. In fact, people living in a “civil” marriage trample on all Christian concepts about marriage and family. Christian marriage implies the responsibility of spouses for each other. During the marriage, they become one, and not two different people who made a promise to live under the same roof from now on. Marriage can be compared to two legs of one body. If one leg stumbles or breaks, won't the other leg bear the full weight of the body? And in a "civil" marriage, people do not even want to take responsibility for putting a stamp in their passport.
What then can be said about such irresponsible people who at the same time want to be godparents? What good can they teach a child? Can they, having very shaky moral foundations, be able to set a good example for their godson? Not at all.
Also, according to church canons, people leading an immoral life (“civil” marriage should be regarded in this way) cannot be recipients from the baptismal font. And if these people finally decide to legitimize their relationship before God and the state, then they, moreover, will not be able to be godparents to one child. Despite the apparent complexity of the question, there can be only one answer to it - unambiguously: no.
The topic of gender relations is always very acute in all areas of human life. It goes without saying that this translates into various issues that are directly related to baptism. Here is one of them:
Can a young man (or girl) become a godfather for his bride (groom)?
In this case, they will have to terminate their relationship and confine themselves to a spiritual connection, because in the sacrament of baptism, one of them will become the godparent of the other. Can a son marry his own mother? Or a daughter to marry her own father? It is quite obvious that it is not.
Of course, church canons cannot allow such a thing to happen.
Much more often than others there are questions about the possible perception of close relatives. So:
Can relatives become godparents?
Grandparents, uncles and aunts may well become godparents to their little relatives. There is no contradiction to this in church canons.
Can an adoptive father (mother) become a godfather to an adopted child?
According to Canon 53 of the VI Ecumenical Council, this is unacceptable.
Based on the fact that spiritual kinship is established between godparents and parents, the inquisitive reader may ask the following question:
Can the child's parents become godparents for the children of their godfathers (their godchildren)?
Yes, this is perfectly acceptable. Such an action in no way violates the spiritual kinship established between parents and recipients, but only strengthens it. One of the parents, for example, the mother of the child can become the godmother of the daughter of one of the godfathers.
And the father may well be the godfather of the son of another godfather or godfather. There are other options, but, in any case, the spouses cannot become the recipients of one child.
Sometimes people also ask the following question:
Can a priest be a godfather (including one who performs the sacrament of baptism)?
Yes, maybe. In general, this question is very urgent. From time to time I have to hear a request to become a godfather from people completely unfamiliar to me. Parents bring their child to be baptized. For some reason, there was no godfather for the child. They begin to ask to become a godfather to the child, motivating this request by the fact that they heard from someone that in the absence of a godfather, the priest must fulfill this role. You have to refuse and baptize with one godmother. The priest is the same person as everyone else, and he may well refuse to strangers to be the godfather of their child. After all, he will have to bear the responsibility for raising his godchild.
But how can he do this if he sees this child for the first time and is completely unfamiliar with his parents? And will most likely never see it again. Obviously this is not possible. But a priest (even if he himself will perform the sacrament of baptism) or, for example, a deacon (and the one who will concelebrate with the priest for the sacrament of baptism) may well become godparents for the children of their friends, acquaintances or parishioners. There are no canonical barriers to this.
Continuing the topic of acceptance, one cannot help but recall such a phenomenon as the desire of parents due to some, sometimes completely incomprehensible, reasons to “take a godfather in absentia”.
Is it possible to take a godfather "in absentia"?
The very meaning of reception presupposes the acceptance by the godfather of his godson from the font itself. By his presence, the godfather agrees to be the recipient of the baptized and undertakes to educate him in the Orthodox faith.
This cannot be done in absentia. In the end, the person whom they are trying to “record in absentia” as godparents may not agree to this action at all, and, as a result, the person being baptized may be left without a godfather at all.
Sometimes parishioners ask questions about the following:
How many times can a person become a godfather?
In the Orthodox Church there is no clear canonical definition of how many times a person can become a godfather during a lifetime. The main thing that a person who agrees to become a recipient should remember is a great responsibility for which he will have to answer before God. The measure of this responsibility determines how many times a person will be able to take on the reception. For each person, this measure is different and, sooner or later, a person may have to give up a new perception.
Is it possible to refuse to become a godfather? Wouldn't that be a sin?
If a person feels internally unprepared or has fundamental fears that he will not be able to conscientiously fulfill the duties of a godparent, then he may well refuse the parents of the child (or the person being baptized himself, if it is an adult) to become their child's godfather.
There is no sin in this. It will be more honest in relation to the child, his parents and himself than, having taken responsibility for the spiritual upbringing of the child, not fulfilling his immediate duties.
Continuing this theme, here are a few more questions that people usually ask about the number of possible godchildren.
Is it possible to become a godfather to the second child in the family, if the first one already had one?
Yes, you can. There are no canonical barriers to this.
Is it possible for one person during baptism to be the recipient of several people (for example, twins)?
There are no canonical prohibitions on this. But technically it can be quite difficult if babies are being baptized. The recipient will have to hold and receive both babies from the font at the same time. It would be better if each godson had his own godparents. After all, each of those baptized individually are different people who have the right to their godfather.
Probably, many will be interested in the following question:
At what age can one become a sponsor?
Underage children cannot become godparents. But, even if a person has not yet reached the age of majority, then his age should be such that he can realize the full burden of the responsibility taken upon himself, and will conscientiously fulfill his duties as a godfather. It seems that this may be the age close to adulthood.
The relationship between the child's parents and godparents also plays an important role in the upbringing of children. It is good when parents and godparents have spiritual unity and direct all their efforts towards the proper spiritual upbringing of their child. But human relationships are not always cloudless, and sometimes one hears this question:
What to do if you have a fight with your godson's parents and for this reason you cannot see him?
The answer suggests itself: reconcile with the godson's parents.
For what can a child be taught by people who have a spiritual relationship and at the same time are at enmity with each other? It is worth thinking not about personal ambitions, but about raising a child and, having gained patience and humility, try to establish relations with the godson's parents. The same can be said for the parents of the child.
But a quarrel is not always the reason why a godfather cannot see his godson for a long time.
What to do if, due to objective reasons, you do not see your godson for years?
I think that the objective reasons are the physical separation of the godfather from the godson. This is possible if the parents moved with the child to another city, country. In this case, it remains only to pray for the godson and, if possible, communicate with him using all available means of communication.
Unfortunately, some godparents, having baptized a baby, completely forget about their immediate duties. Sometimes the reason for this is not only the recipient's elementary ignorance of his duties, but his falling into grave sins that make their own spiritual life very difficult.
Then the parents of the child involuntarily raise a completely legitimate question:
Is it possible to refuse godparents who do not fulfill their duties, who have fallen into serious sins or lead an immoral lifestyle?
The Orthodox Church does not know the order of refusal of godparents. But parents can find an adult who, not being the actual recipient from the font, would help in the spiritual upbringing of the child. At the same time, one cannot consider him a godfather.
But to have such a helper is better than to deprive the child of communication with a spiritual mentor and friend altogether. After all, a moment may come when the child begins to seek spiritual authority not only in the family, but also outside it. And at this moment such an assistant would be very helpful. And a child, as they grow older, can be taught to pray for the godfather. After all, the spiritual connection of a child with a person who took him from the font will not be broken if he takes responsibility for a person who himself has not coped with this responsibility.
It happens that children surpass their parents and mentors in prayer and piety.
Prayer for a sinner or a stray will be a manifestation of love for this person. After all, it is not for nothing that the Apostle James says in his epistle to Christians: “Pray for one another that you may be healed; the fervent prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much” (James 5:16). But all these actions must be coordinated with your confessor and receive a blessing on them.
Here's another interesting question people ask from time to time:
When is there no need for godparents?
There is always a need for godparents. Especially for children. But not every adult baptized can boast of a good knowledge of the Holy Scriptures and church canons. If necessary, an adult can be baptized without godparents, because. he has a conscious faith in God and can quite independently pronounce the words of renunciation of Satan, combine with Christ and read the Creed. He is fully accountable for his actions.
The same cannot be said for babies and young children. The godparents do it all for them. But, in case of extreme need, you can baptize a child without godparents. Such a need, of course, can be the complete absence of worthy godparents.
The godless time has left its mark on the destinies of many people. The result of this was that some people, after long years of unbelief, finally gained faith in God, but when they came to the temple, they did not know whether they had been baptized in childhood by believing relatives. A logical question arises:
Is it necessary to baptize a person who does not know for sure whether he was baptized in childhood?
According to canon 84 of the VI Ecumenical Council, such people must be baptized if there are no witnesses who could confirm or deny the fact of their baptism. In this case, a person is baptized, pronouncing the formula: “If not baptized, the servant (slave) of God is baptized ...”.
Something I'm all about children and about children.
Among the readers, perhaps, there are also such people who have not yet been honored with the saving sacrament of baptism, but with all their hearts strive for it. So:
What does a person who is preparing to become an Orthodox Christian need to know? How can he prepare for the sacrament of baptism?
A person's knowledge of faith begins with reading the Holy Scriptures. Therefore, a person who wants to be baptized, first of all, needs to read the Gospel. After reading the Gospel, a person may have a number of questions that require a competent answer. Such answers can be obtained at the so-called catechumens, which are held in many temples. At such conversations, the fundamentals of the Orthodox faith are explained to those who wish to be baptized. If there are no such conversations at the temple in which the person is going to be baptized, then you can ask all the questions of interest to the priest in the temple. It will also be useful to read some books that explain Christian dogmas, such as the Law of God.
It will be good if, before accepting the sacrament of baptism, a person memorizes the Creed, which briefly outlines the Orthodox dogma about God and the Church. This prayer will be read at baptism, and it would be great if the person being baptized himself confessed his faith. Direct preparation begins a few days before baptism. These days are special, so you should not scatter your attention on other, even very important, problems. It is worth devoting this time to spiritual and moral reflections, avoiding fuss, empty talk, participation in various entertainments. It must be remembered that baptism, like the other sacraments, is great and holy. It must be approached with the greatest awe and reverence. It is advisable to observe a fast for 2-3 days, living in marriage on the eve of the night to refrain from marital relations. You need to be extremely clean and tidy for baptism. You can wear new fancy clothes. Women should not wear make-up, as they always do when visiting a temple.
There are many superstitions associated with the sacrament of baptism, which I would also like to touch upon in this article.
One of the most common superstitions is:
Can a girl be the first to baptize a girl? They say that if a girl is baptized first, and not a boy, then the godmother will give her her happiness ...
This statement is also a superstition that has no basis either in Holy Scripture or in church canons and traditions. And happiness, if it is deserved before God, will not go anywhere from a person.
Another strange thought that I heard more than once:
Is it possible for a pregnant woman to become a godmother? Would this affect her own child or godson in some way?
Of course you can. Such a delusion has nothing to do with church canons and traditions and is also superstition. Participation in church sacraments can only be to the benefit of the expectant mother. I also had to baptize pregnant women. Babies were born strong and healthy.
A lot of superstitions are connected with the so-called crossing. Moreover, the reasons for such a crazy action are sometimes indicated very bizarre and even funny.
But most of these justifications are pagan and occult in origin. Here, for example, is one of the most common superstitions of occult origin: . conjure precisely in the name?
To be honest, hearing such statements makes me want to laugh heartily. But, unfortunately, it's not funny. What kind of pagan denseness does an Orthodox person need to reach in order to decide that baptism is a kind of magical ritual, a kind of antidote for corruption. An antidote for some vague substance that no one even knows the definition of. What is this ghostly corruption? It is unlikely that anyone who is so afraid of her will be able to clearly answer this question. This is not surprising. Instead of looking for God in life and fulfilling His commandments, the "church" people with enviable zeal are looking for the mother of all evils in everything - damage. And where does it come from?
Let me digress a little. A man is walking down the street, stumbled. All jinxed! We urgently need to run to the temple to put a candle so that everything is fine and the evil eye passes.
While walking to the temple, he stumbled again. Looks like they not only jinxed it, but also caused damage! Ooh, wicked! Well, nothing, now I will come to the temple, I will pray, I will buy candles, I will stick all the candlesticks, I will fight the corruption with all my might. The man ran to the temple, on the porch he again stumbled and fell. Everyone - lie down and die! Damage to death, a family curse, well, and there is some kind of disgusting thing there, I forgot the name, but also something very terrible. Cocktail "three in one"! Against this, candles and prayer will not help, this is a serious matter, an ancient voodoo spell! There is only one way out - to be baptized again, and only with a new name, so that when these same voodoo slanders on the old name are whispered and needles are stuck into dolls, all their spells fly by. They will not know the new name. And all witchcraft is done in the name, didn’t you know? What fun it will be when they whisper and conjure intensely there, and everything will fly by! Bang, bang and - by! Oh, it's good when there is baptism - a cure for all diseases!
This is how superstitions associated with rebaptism appear.
But much more often, the sources of these superstitions are the figures of the occult sciences, i.e. fortunetellers, psychics, healers and other "gifted by God" personalities. These tireless "generators" of newfangled occult terminology use all sorts of tricks to seduce a person. Birth curses, and crowns of celibacy, and karmic knots of fate, translations, love spells with lapels and other occult nonsense are used. And all that needs to be done to get rid of all this is to cross yourself. And there was no damage. And laughter and sin! But many peck at these near-church tricks of "mothers Glafir" and "fathers Tikhonov", and run to the temple for re-baptism. It’s good if they tell them where they have such an ardent desire to cross themselves, and they will be denied this blasphemy, having previously explained what trips to the occultists are fraught with. And some do not even say that they have already been baptized and are baptized again. There are also those who are baptized several times, because.
previous baptisms "didn't help". And they won't help! Greater blasphemy over the sacrament is difficult to imagine. After all, the Lord knows the heart of a person, knows about all his thoughts.
It is worth saying a few words about the name, which is so advised to change by “good people”. A person is given a name on the eighth day from birth, but since many do not know about this, basically a prayer for naming is read by a priest immediately before baptism. Surely everyone knows that the name is given to a person in honor of one of the saints. And it is this saint who is our patron and intercessor for us before God. And, of course, it seems that every Christian should call on his saint as often as possible and ask for his prayers before the throne of the Almighty. But what actually happens? Not only does a person neglect his name, but he also neglects his saint, in whose honor he is named. And instead of calling for help from his heavenly patron, his saint, at the moment of trouble or danger, he visits fortune-tellers and psychics.
The “reward” for this will be appropriate.
There is another superstition directly related to the very sacrament of baptism. Almost immediately after baptism, the rite of hair cutting follows. At the same time, the recipient is given a piece of wax, in which it is supposed to roll the cut hair. This wax receiver must throw into the water. This is where the fun begins. I don't know where the question comes from:
Is it true that if wax with cut hair sinks at baptism, then the life of the baptized person will be short?
No, this is a superstition. According to the laws of physics, wax cannot sink in water at all. But if you throw it from a height with sufficient force, then at the first moment it will really go under water. Fortunately, if the superstitious godfather does not see this moment and "fortune telling on baptismal wax" will give a positive result. But, as soon as the godfather notices the moment the wax is immersed in water, lamentations immediately begin, and the newly-made Christian is almost buried alive.
After that, it is sometimes difficult to get out of a state of terrible depression the parents of a child who are told about the “sign of God” seen at baptism. Of course, this superstition has no basis in church canons and traditions.
Summing up, I would like to note that baptism is a great sacrament, and the approach to it should be reverent and deliberate. It is sad to see people who have received the sacrament of baptism and continue to live their former sinful lives. Having been baptized, a person must remember that now he is an Orthodox Christian, a warrior of Christ, a member of the Church. It owes a lot. First of all, to love. Love for God and neighbor. So let each of us, regardless of when he was baptized, fulfill these commandments. Then we can hope that the Lord will lead us into the Kingdom of Heaven. That Kingdom, the path to which the sacrament of Baptism opens for us.
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How to choose godparents and prepare for baptism
The baptism of a child is an important event for parents. Therefore, you need to prepare for it in advance. How exactly, the priest, cleric of the Church of the Annunciation of the Blessed Virgin Mary in Petrovsky Park in Moscow, Dmitry Nikolaev, told the readers of "MIR 24".
- Father Dmitry, please tell us how baptism takes place and what is its main essence?
Baptism is the first sacrament of the Church that a person meets who intends to live a spiritual life. Its meaning is that a person takes the first step into this life and becomes a member of the Church. This sacrament is performed only once in a lifetime.
Our Lord, Jesus Christ, ascending after his Resurrection to the Father, commanded the apostles to teach people everything that he had taught them.
And including, to baptize people in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
In the course of the sacrament, the rite of giving a name is performed on a person, preparatory prayers and prayers are read containing a prohibition for the devil to have power over this person. Because as a result of the fall of one of the very first and most beautiful angels, and the subsequent war in the spiritual world, the bound and far from omnipotent Satan nevertheless constantly rises up against those who strive for God and hinders them with all possible forces and means. Therefore, before uniting with Christ, we drive Satan away from us and renounce him.
Water is also blessed. A person is anointed with consecrated oil, baptized in water in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. The grace of God descends on a person, all his sins that he committed in his life remain in the font, and he goes out into the world a renewed, just born spiritual baby. His spiritual eyes are opened, he sees the world differently and feels differently.
That is, a person is given a unique chance to start life anew.
During baptism, a Guardian Angel is also given to a person, accompanying him on all paths. The angel will rejoice for his ward in good and suffer from his every evil step or intention.
The baptized person puts on clean clothes, and then the second sacrament, which is also possible only once in his life, is performed - chrismation. There is a well-known expression: "we are smeared with one world." But many do not even know what it means. And it says that we were baptized in one Church and we were anointed from one vessel, and we are actually kindred people.
In the sacrament of chrismation, a person is stamped with the seal of the Holy Spirit on all his senses. These are kind of locks that Satan cannot get through. During baptism, he is expelled and cannot pass through these seals until the person himself opens it to him, as the goats did to the gray wolf.
Procession around the font, the Holy Scripture is read.
Then the Holy Myrrh is washed off with a special sponge and the rite of cutting the hair is performed - it is cut crosswise from the head along a small strand, as a symbol of sacrifice and obedience.
In order to become more familiar with the rites of the sacrament of baptism, to begin to understand the deep meanings behind external actions, you need at least to become a participant in the catechumens conversations, which should be attended by both parents and godparents, and the person who is preparing for baptism, if he is an adult. Self-education, reading special literature will never hurt.
— How to choose godparents?
Parents must take seriously the choice of godmother or godmother. Sometimes two godparents are chosen, but this is just a pious Russian tradition, coming from the idea that a child should have both a mother and a father. In principle, one godfather or godmother is quite enough. But by all means the same sex with the child, because the boy is brought up by a man, and the girl by a woman.
The main task of the godfather is to pray for his godson and take care of his Christian upbringing.
In our tradition, a godfather (or godmother) is a person who acts as an older friend and mentor to a child. If it may be inconvenient for a child to share something with the parents, then it is easier to do this with the godfather, provided that he is an older comrade who is stronger spiritually and who can be trusted with his secrets and doubts. And he can point you in the right direction.
Very often, parents choose godparents simply out of friendship. They themselves go to church once a year and call the same godfather. But you need to understand that the godfather must have something to give the child in terms of his spiritual development. In other words, you need a specialist. When parents look for teachers for their child, they choose them not for friendship, but for professional qualities. The same must be done here.
- Is it possible to choose godparents who do not live in the same city as the godson?
Why not? Quite possible! We live in the 21st century, we have means of communication such that we can live even on another planet, and at the same time maintain contact with those who are dear to us all the time.
And if the godfather brings up his godson, even while living in another city, then everything is fine. And seeing each other every day, even living nearby, is still unrealistic. So it doesn’t matter how far away the godfather lives, but it should be a person with whom the child has a frank spiritual friendship.
— How should parents and godparents prepare for the baptism of a child?
Baptism is an event on a universal scale! A person is born into Eternal Life! This is a holiday, and, of course, we must prepare for this. And not so much to set tables for relatives, but to cook themselves.
The first duty of parents and godparents is to raise their children in the Christian faith. If they do not know anything about their faith, then for them before baptism, public conversations are held, which I have already spoken about. There are at least two conversations, they are led by a priest, a deacon, or a person specially trained for this - a catechist.
At these talks, parents will learn who God is, what the Church is, and in whom we believe. Because it is very important to know the basics of our spiritual life. We must understand where we are going ourselves, and where we are sending our child. After all, even when parents send their child to a circle or section, they find out everything about it. Especially when someone enters an educational institution. After all, he is preparing for this, taking exams. So it is here: you need to have a clear idea of where you are entering.
Before baptism, parents and godparents should go to church, purify their souls at confession, partake of the Holy Mysteries of Christ.
There are exceptions: for example, a mother cannot participate in the sacraments for 40 days after giving birth. She goes through a period of physiological cleansing and does not begin the sacraments - neither confession nor communion. If the parents want to certainly baptize the child during this period, then we allow the mother to be present at the baptism, but nothing more.
If these 40 days have already passed after the birth, then the priest reads permission prayers over her, and she can confess and take communion. Godparents before baptism need to do everything the same as parents.
Godparents for a child are in a sense more important than blood parents, because spiritual kinship is higher than blood kinship. When choosing godparents, it is important to consider that the godparents of the same child cannot be husband and wife, groom and bride.
And one more important limitation. If, for example, a single mother baptizes her son, then she cannot have any personal, close relationship with the godfather of this child. If this still happened, this situation is absurd and will not lead to anything good.
— Can a priest refuse to baptize a child?
Sometimes there are such situations. It is important that the child's parents are legally married. Because if parents live in a prodigal union, which is now called a civil marriage, then the child will suffer from this.
What is the point of baptizing him, giving him to Christ, if the parents themselves live in mortal sin? It turns out that with one hand we give the child into the hands of Christ, and with the other we crucify Christ.
If the marriage of the parents is not consecrated by the Church, but is witnessed before the people and the state, whose laws we recognize, then the Church recognizes such a marriage, in the hope that this couple, who testified before the people that they are husband and wife, will subsequently come to an understanding of the need and weddings. Why do we recognize? Because the notorious stamp in the passport obliges them to be responsible for their union.
And if this is not the case, then today they like each other, but the day after tomorrow they don't like each other and run away. Everyone suffers. Both themselves and the children. And a foolishly trusting woman, who does not know the commandments of God, who does not have any rights, since marriage as such does not exist, sometimes finds herself on the street, and even with a child.
Before the revolution, there were no registry offices, and all marriages were registered in the church. There were no problems with stamps and other discrepancies. Now the situation is different.
- Is it possible to baptize a child if the parents themselves are not baptized?
It is necessary to communicate with such parents. Why baptize a child if the parents themselves are not interested in God, the creator of the universe? What's the point in that? This is not a shamanic rite that must be performed so that the child does not get sick. Or is it just accepted? If they are not baptized, but they have a sincere desire to baptize a child, then it would be better for them to be baptized all together. We baptize according to the faith of our parents, and if there is no faith at all, then this will turn out to be profanation. Yes, of course, I feel sorry for the children. We want them to be baptized. But this is somewhat absurd. We don’t say: my wife and I are Orthodox, but we want to give the child to Buddhism! And this is essentially the same thing.
We are baptized in order to become one with Christ! And this means, together with him, crucify, and die, and resurrect! And what will a child be able to feel if his parents are absolutely unbelieving people? How is he brought up in the faith?
In general, the situation is some kind of theoretical, invented. In any case, I have not encountered such a thing in my practice.
If it so happens that one of the parents is not baptized, and the other goes to church and wants to baptize the child, then of course, you need to come and baptize. In general, there is a rule that if an Orthodox person marries a non-believer or a non-believer, then this marriage is allowed on condition that children are raised in the Orthodox faith.
— What do I need to prepare for baptism?
Parents should prepare a cross, marriage certificate, birth certificate, christening shirt and towel for baptism.
If the child is already older, then slippers are needed so that he reaches the font in them and, leaving it, does not turn out to be barefoot.
— Who can be called for baptism, can unbaptized relatives and friends come?
Everyone can come to the christening! It is very good and right to share the joy of the appearance of a new member in the Church. It is good to take a photographer or cameraman with you to capture the joyful moment. It is not forbidden to remove the baptism. Then you can watch this recording again at home and rejoice once again.
— How should an adult prepare for the sacrament?
A person who decides to be baptized as an adult must want to understand where he has come. He also goes to public talks. These conversations are the same for everyone: those who wish to be baptized, and the parents of babies, and godparents come to them. And like everyone who participates in these conversations, he must read the Gospel and be sure to analyze the "Symbol of Faith.
" This is a fundamental document developed at the first two Ecumenical Councils back in the 4th century. In it, in 12 sentences, all the main postulates of our faith are formulated.
It is impossible for him to confess before the sacrament, because he is still an unbaptized person. But it would be very good for him to talk with the priest immediately before Epiphany or the day before. Such a conversation is similar to a confession: the same thing that he would say in confession, he must tell the priest in order to cleanse his soul. The Lord still looks at it and hears it all. And when a person is baptized, he becomes pure like a baby, and all his past life, all his mistakes and sins are forgiven him for nothing. In the future, a person no longer needs to confess them.
— Do adults need godparents? Who can he invite to baptism?
No, an adult doesn't need godparents anymore. And he can invite anyone to baptism: friends and relatives, all people close to him, with whom he wants to share this joy.
