6 month separation anxiety
Separation anxiety - NHS
Babies and toddlers often get clingy and cry if you or their other carers leave them, even for a short time.
Separation anxiety and fear of strangers is common in young children between the ages of 6 months and 3 years, but it's a normal part of your child's development and they usually grow out of it.
Why separation anxiety happens
If your baby used to be calm when you left the room and they were happy to be held by people they didn't know, it may not seem to make sense when they start crying whenever you're not there or strangers are close.
But separation anxiety is a sign your baby now realises how dependent they are on the people who care for them. That can include their grandparents or professionals closely involved with their care, as well as their parents.
As they get more aware of their surroundings, your baby's strong relationship with this small group means they don't feel so safe without you. Their growing awareness of the world around them can also make them feel unsafe or upset in new situations or with new people, even if you are there.
How to handle separation anxiety
Separation anxiety can make it difficult to leave your baby at nursery or in someone else's care. You may feel distressed by their tears and worry about the effect on your baby every time you need to leave them.
Remember, it's only natural for your baby to feel anxious without you, so there's no reason to feel guilty when you need to get on with other parts of your life. In fact, separation anxiety is usually a sign of how well you have bonded with them.
Instead, you can focus on helping your baby understand and deal with their feelings so they feel more secure. They'll learn that if you leave them, they will be OK and you will come back. If your baby's old enough, you can talk to them about what's happening, where you're going and when you'll be with them again.
By leaving your baby with another caregiver, you won't damage them. You're actually helping them learn to cope without you, and that's an important step towards their growing independence. Don't be too hard on yourself – separation anxiety is common and it's normal.
Tips for separation anxiety
Practise short separations from your baby to begin with
You could start by leaving them in someone else's care for a few minutes while you nip to the local shop. Leave your baby with someone they know well so they still feel comfortable and safe in your absence. Gradually work towards longer separations, and then leaving them in less familiar settings.
Talk about what you'll do together later
Talk to your toddler about what you're going to do when you see them again so they have something to look forward to with you.
For example, you could say: "When Mummy comes back to pick you up, we'll go to the shop together to get food for dinner."
Leave something comforting with your baby
It may comfort your baby to have something they identify with you – like a scarf with your scent on or a favourite toy – close by. This may reassure them while you are away.
Make saying goodbye a positive time
When you leave your baby, however sad or worried you may be feeling, smile and wave goodbye confidently and happily, otherwise they will pick up on your tension. By giving your baby experience of saying goodbye then having happy reunions, you are teaching them an important life lesson.
When to get help for separation anxiety
It's completely natural for babies and toddlers to cry when they part from their main caregiver.
But as babies get older, they're more able to understand that people and things exist even when they can't see them.
Until that happens, it's important your baby's anxiety doesn't stop them getting the most from new experiences like socialising and learning at nursery. And it shouldn't stop you going to work.
If your child's separation anxiety is causing them a lot of distress, they are upset for a long time after you have left them, or it has been going on for more than a few weeks, talk to your health visitor.
Video: my child wants to be with me all the time - what can I do? (6 to 18 months)
This video explains what you can do if your child wants to be with you all the time.
Media last reviewed: 2 March 2021
Media review due: 2 March 2024
Page last reviewed: 24 August 2022
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What’s happening and how to d– Nested Bean
Separation anxiety is a very common issue that affects many babies.
It's an entirely normal part of their emotional development, and is actually considered a good sign that your baby is developing a secure attachment to you. Regardless of that silver lining, it can still be distressing, and cause problems for your little one and for yourself!
In this article, we'll go over what separation anxiety typically looks like, and we'll also investigate what tends to be the cause of separation anxiety in young babies 6-9 months old - their newly developing sense of object permanence.
| Separation Anxiety | Separation Anxiety Disorder |
| Healthy & Adaptive response until the age of 3 | Occurs in children aged 4 or above |
| Goes away with time | Can persist for many years |
| Does not cause difficulty in functioning | Causes significant impairment in daily functioning |
To help you out, we'll also list some useful tips to aid you in dealing with your baby's anxiety, as well as letting you know when it might be time to get support from a healthcare professional.
In this article:
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Separation anxiety - common experiences
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What causes separation anxiety
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How long does separation anxiety last
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Tips for dealing with separation anxiety
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When to seek support
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Separation anxiety FAQ
Separation anxiety - what you and your baby might be experiencing
If your little one is going through a stage of separation anxiety, they'll probably get very upset and clingy when you try to leave them. This can be when you leave them alone, or with other caregivers - either way, your baby will let you know they aren't happy with the situation!
It's also likely that neither you or your baby will be getting a great night's sleep. Babies suffering from separation anxiety may have a hard time sleeping through the night, even if they've had no trouble sleeping in the past. They might wake up and cry because you're not there, and might even refuse to sleep at all without you nearby.
What causes separation anxiety?
Once babies reach around 6 months old, they begin to develop a sense of object permanence - essentially, they learn that things such as people and objects still exist even when they can't be seen.
The issue with this new understanding of object permanence is that they don't know when you'll return to them. This uncertainty is why your little one may cry and scream when you try to leave for work, or even when you go into another room!
Separation anxiety can begin when a baby is as young as 4 months old, but generally babies won't show symptoms of more robust separation anxiety until they are between 6 and 9 months, as this is commonly when their sense of object permanence starts to develop.
Although separation anxiety can be distressing for both infants and caregivers, for babies of this age it is a sign that they are securely attached to their caregiver. This means the infant has formed a strong and healthy bond with their parent or caregiver, which is important for social and emotional functioning throughout life.
- Medical News Today.
However, some children might have separation anxiety start to affect them when they reach toddlerhood and their independence further increases. In fact, separation anxiety can actually peak between 12 and 18 months.
How long does separation anxiety last in babies 6-9 months?
The length of time a bout of separation anxiety lasts can differ between children. However, it typically clears up after around three weeks. Some babies will experience separation anxiety at multiple times throughout their early childhood development. This is completely normal, and most babies will grow out of it by the time they are around three years old.
What you can do about separation anxiety
If your little one is struggling, there are a variety of things you can do to help them handle separation anxiety. Let's get into them!
Start brief, and build to longer separations
It can be a good idea to start off by keeping separations brief, with familiar people such as family members, in familiar environments, if at all possible.
You could even start just by leaving the room as long as your baby can be left in a safe place. From here, start to gradually increase the amount of time you are gone, and leave your little one with more unfamiliar people.
Setting aside some time for your baby to get more used to unfamiliar people such as daycare center workers and even unfamiliar family members can also help them feel more secure when you're not around.
Play peek a boo
Games such as peek a boo, and hide and seek once they get older, can be a very useful way of allowing babies to experience separations in a way which is fun as well as safe. Games like this are brilliant as they remind your little one that you'll always return to them, and that separations don't have to be scary and stressful.
Use their independence to your advantage
During this stage of their life, your little one might be able to crawl - or at least they might have started trying! Embracing this new step in their independence by letting them crawl somewhere safe without you - given that they're still under supervision of course - can be a great method of allowing them to increase their confidence in being alone, which can help them feel secure in themselves, and feel calmer when you are not around.
Be clever about when you leave
Not everyone can choose when they have to leave their little one, but if you can, try to leave them at a strategic time, such as after they've eaten, or after they've had a nap. This ensures that they aren't hungry or tired, which is good thing, as hungry and or tired babies can get restless and stressed out!
Oh, and this may seem obvious, but if your baby is sleeping, don't sneak out! If they wake up to find you gone, chances are it'll only make their separation anxiety worse!
Keep goodbyes quick
It can be so hard to leave when your little one is upset, but lingering too long can give them a false sense of security, so it's important to keep your goodbyes brief and straightforward. That's not to say you shouldn't comfort them, just don't hang around for too long!
Additionally, acting positive when you leave, even if you're feeling similar nerves to your little one, is vital. Stay calm, as babies will pick up your own anxiety, which will only make them more upset!
Consistency is key
As babies grow, their sense of routine improves dramatically - which is why keeping their days consistent can be really beneficial, as the stability can reduce stress and help keep them calm.
There are many ways to bring consistency to your baby's life - leaving them and returning at the same predictable time each day is just one of them. You could also try coming up with a ritual for goodbyes, or introducing a bedtime routine to help them relax and wind down before they sleep.
If you do choose to follow a bedtime routine, we would recommend incorporating dressing your little one in our Zen Sleepwear, as it is designed to help them self-soothe. Why not try out our Zen Sack™ Classic - it's gently and safely weighted to mimic your soothing touch, helping them fall asleep on their own!
Mom hack - don't feel guilty!
Here's some advice from Emma's Diary on why you shouldn't feel guilty if your baby is struggling with separation anxiety:
"Don’t feel guilty – You must not beat yourself up about baby separation anxiety. It is perfectly normal and a sign of the strong and healthy relationship you have with your little one, so you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.
It will not last forever, and soon you’ll be dropping your baby off at nursery – or for an hour or so with a friend – without any tears or crying."
When to seek support for your baby's separation anxiety
You should contact a pediatrician or doctor if your child's separation anxiety persists for longer than what is usually expected for their age, or if their anxiety is intense, excessive, and interrupting their daily life.
If your little one is experiencing excessive anxiety over an extended period of time, there's a chance they might be showing signs of separation anxiety disorder. Other symptoms of separation anxiety disorder include physical symptoms such as headaches and tummy aches, as well as panic attacks.
Separation anxiety is very common, and is rarely something more serious such as separation anxiety disorder. Many babies go through a period of separation anxiety at some point in their early childhood, and most outgrow it by the time they are three.
At any rate, you should contact a pediatrician, doctor, or other healthcare professional for support if you have any concerns about your little one.
Separation anxiety in babies 6-9 months - common questions
- Why does my 6 month old cry when I leave the room?
If your baby cries, or acts clingy and upset when you try and leave the room, they may be experiencing separation anxiety. Separation anxiety in babies is a perfectly normal stage of your baby's development, and most children grow out of it by the time they are three years old.
- What are 3 signs of separation anxiety?
Here are three signs of separation anxiety in babies: 1. They cling to parents or primary caregivers 2. Your child cries when left alone 3. Struggling to sleep through the night without waking and crying, or refusing to sleep without you nearby
- How can I help my baby with separation anxiety?
Here are some helpful tips to help you handle separation anxiety in babies and young children: Gradually build from short separations to longer separations, going from more familiar people and places to more unfamiliar ones.
If you practice separation to begin with before moving on to longer periods of separation, their confidence and security will build. Play games like peek a boo to let them experience safe separations, and remind them that you'll return when you leave. Be consistent - try to leave and return at predictable times, come up with a goodbye ritual, and follow a bedtime routine. These can all bring calming stability to a baby's life. Don't linger during the separation process - instead, keep goodbyes brief, so they don't get a false sense of security, or pick up on your own anxiety.
- At what age does separation anxiety peak?
Separation anxiety in babies tends to peak when they are between 12 and 18 months old, despite the fact that most babies begin to experience separation anxiety at around 6 months. This is because children can experience separation anxiety at numerous points throughout their early life, into their toddlerhood and elementary school years.
Bouts of separation anxiety generally only last for around three weeks.
You might also like
How to handle separation anxiety
8 Solutions to Get Your Baby to Sleep Through the Night
A bedtime routine to put your baby to sleep
3 Common Baby Self-Soothing Techniques
Other Separation Anxiety Resources
Healthychildren.Org: How to Ease Your Child’s Separation Anxiety
Mayo Clinic: Separation anxiety disorder
American Academy of Pediatrics: Separation anxiety
Stanford Children's Health: Separation Anxiety Disorder in Children
Separation anxiety in newborns and toddlers
Separation anxiety (ST) is the fear of distance, separation, separation.
Pregnancy
Pregnancy is a period of symbiosis, when mother and baby form a single psycho-physiological system.
Birth is the first stage of separation in a mother-baby pair, here the first boundaries are formed - bodily, physical.
The following separation stages are related to the growing up of the baby, when he learns something new. Each of these stages may be accompanied by a sleep regression:
6 months
6 months - the baby learns to sit, distinguishes well between relatives, and therefore he may be afraid of separation from his mother.
Mom's ST at this age is manifested by fear of the growing independence of the child, as well as fear of change (swaddling, unsafe co-sleeping, falling asleep only with the breast or a bottle)
Helping the baby: gently teach him the first steps in independence and during wakefulness, and during sleep. nine0005
- To do this, you can:
- involve other family members in the process of laying down (alternate laying down with dad or grandmother)
- teach the baby to sleep in his crib (if the format of joint sleep, then concern for his safety)
- react differently ways for different needs of the baby (crying is not always about hunger)
- gradually increase the distance during the game during the day, showing your presence with your voice (mother is in the room, but not on the rug, but a little further)
- leave the room for a few seconds during the day and return before the baby starts calling (show the baby that mom is always there) the baby plays calmly)
Help for mom: support for loved ones, building a plan to start working with sleep, physical and emotional care for yourself.
9 months
9 months - the baby gets up, his activity increases, he has a "fear of strangers", he seems to regress and again becomes very dependent on his mother.
"Helping the baby:
" - relevant ways of helping from the previous stage of development
- active separation of negative habits and sleep (using different types of help when falling asleep) emotional)
- emotional encouragement of the baby's free play ("you play very well yourself", "it's great", etc.)
- a neutral reaction to "negative" behavior in the process of falling asleep (when the baby gets up, crawls, does not does not cry - do not lay down, do not get angry, do not help actively), and obligatory help when crying.
Help for mom: delegation of help, attitude towards a positive result, differentiation of needs: one's own and the baby's.
12 months
12 months - first words, first steps.
ST may increase due to the growth of independence.
- Helping a baby:
- all methods of help tested at previous stages of development are relevant you can fall asleep with a toy that you can pull and bite)
- maximum predictability in actions (follow the rules - if a negative association is not given, then before falling asleep)
Helping Mom: Encourage your progress in sleep work, regular “for mom” time.
It will be much easier for the whole family to go through separation if the mother helps the baby gently, maintaining consistency in actions and not forgetting about her resources.
Separation alarm | Dr. Mama
Quite recently, a few months ago, Petenka merrily blew bubbles from the saliva in Baba Ira and Aunt Tonya in their arms.
And now, seeing their, albeit friendly, smile and arms outstretched in his direction, the baby cries and hurries to hide in his mother's arms. nine0007 Aunt Tonya is confused, granny is offended and wipes away a tear: - Forgot? Out of love? What's the matter?
And the thing is in a special period of the child's development: Petenka has a peak of separation anxiety .
Therefore, you can reassure the granny that she did nothing wrong, and explain the following to her.
What is separation anxiety?
Separation anxiety (TS) is a condition in which the baby experiences severe anxiety when separated from the mother. This is a natural stage in a child's development. nine0005
When does TS start to appear?
At the age of about 7-9 months, the baby begins to realize that he exists separately from his mother, and his mother - from him. And that a mother can suddenly disappear somewhere, leaving the baby, regardless of his desire and permission.
The great source of childhood horror is loneliness (W. James, Principles of Psychology, 1890).
If immediately after birth, the baby calmly reacted to the fact that any adult could pick him up, then during the peak of separation anxiety, the baby avoids and is afraid of strangers. A completely normal and healthy reaction provided by nature.
It is strange and completely unsafe if the baby is not worried and calmly goes to any little-known person. nine0005
Signs of TS:
Baby begins to behave very anxious and restless. Mom observes signs of a classic regression :
- ♦cries as soon as mom disappears from sight;
- ♦becomes “tame”, hangs on hands;
- ♦ shuns and fears strangers/unfamiliar people;
- ♦ afraid to let go of mother before going to bed (because sleep for a baby is the same separation). And as we know separation is a small death. Sadness. Sadness. Anguish and tears; nine0124
- ♦baby starts waking up more often at night, as if to check if mom is nearby.
How long is the ST period?
In fact, the duration and severity of ST depends on three factors:
- ♦individual characteristics: the strength of the baby's anxiety directly depends on his temperament. TS is most pronounced in highly sensitive children
- ♦way of mother's response to these changes: how mother feels, how she reacts and satisfies the baby's increased need for intimacy
- ♦ from the psycho-emotional situation in the family: an anxious and emotionally unstable atmosphere in the house exacerbates the susceptibility of the baby.
Therefore, children in the ST period especially need a calm and prosperous background.
It is believed that separation anxiety peaks around 8-9 months of age and then gradually subsides. The separation process is finally completed, usually by the age of 21. And for some individuals it does not end at all, alas and ah. Well, this, of course, is a completely separate issue, isn't it? nine0005
How should parents behave in order to reduce the degree of anxiety in the baby?
The first and most important rule is to understand and accept this stage of development of the baby and try not to lose your composure.
During the peak period, a longer preparation before falling asleep and your presence is required. Be ready to give them to your baby.
Second : do not suddenly disappear from the sight of the baby, report it before leaving. Explain where you are going when you return and leave the child with an adult he knows well. nine0005
Third : play games with the child that help the child understand that if he does not see you, this does not mean that you are not at all.
