Miscarriage in the toilet

What happens to my baby after a miscarriage?

If you have a miscarriage, some hospitals may offer you a simple funeral with a burial or cremation.

Your baby’s legal status

In legal terms, a loss before 24 weeks is called a miscarriage. A loss after 24 weeks is called stillbirth. This is because a baby is thought to have a good chance of surviving if they are born alive at 24 weeks. 

This means that if you lose a baby before 24 weeks, there is no legal requirement to have a burial or cremation. It also means that no legal certificate is provided.

This terminology can be very upsetting for some parents because there is no legal recognition that their baby existed. However, we believe that no matter when you miscarry, you are entitled to grieve for your loss.

Finding a way to commemorate your loss can help. Find out more about remembering your baby after miscarriage.

Burial or cremations

Although there is no legal requirement to have a burial or cremation, some hospitals offer burials or cremations for miscarried babies. Sometimes a number of babies are buried or cremated together.

Unfortunately, some hospitals are still not able to offer this and treat the remains of early loss as clinical waste unless you request otherwise.

You can ask your nurse, midwife, the hospital chaplain, PALS (Patient Advice and Liaison) officer or hospital service about the arrangements at your hospital.

You may want to make your own arrangements for a burial or cremation. Some people chose to use a funeral director or specialist cremation service, or choose to bury the remains at home or somewhere else.

A certificate for your baby

Although there is no legal certificate for a pregnancy loss before 24 weeks, some hospitals do provide them. If you haven’t been given a certificate but would like one, ask a nurse where you were cared for, the hospital chaplain, the PALS officer or hospital bereavement service. Some hospitals also have a book of remembrance.

If you miscarry at home

If you miscarry early outside of a hospital, for example at home, your pregnancy might come away naturally. Some women pass the remains in a toilet and simply flush it away, while others want to take a closer look. Both reactions are completely natural.

Some women want a healthcare professional to confirm that that they have miscarried, so you could contact your midwife, GP or hospital and ask what to do next. They may be able to do some tests on the remains, although they aren’t usually done unless you are having other investigations.

If you want, you can ask the hospital or GP to dispose of the remains or you may decide to bury them yourself at home, in a setting you are comfortable with.

If you have a late miscarriage, it would be unlikely that you would deliver at home, unless it was unexpected. If this happens, call an ambulance or ask someone to take you to hospital.

Post-mortems

After a late miscarriage, most hospitals offer some tests, which may involve tests of the baby. This is called a post-mortem.  A post mortem (also known as an autopsy) is a medical examination of your baby’s body to try to work out the cause of death. This will not be done without your consent (permission).

A post-mortem involves examining the baby carefully, outside and inside the body and can take up to several hours to do. Afterwards, the incisions made to examine your baby internally will be repaired where possible. If you want, your baby can be wrapped or dressed to hide any marks. You can see your baby again afterwards if you want to.

You may have lots of questions about how and where it is performed, and what the results might tell you. Talk to the midwife and doctors caring for you about your concerns and questions.

It may be several weeks before the results are ready.  Your doctor or GP will probably invite you to a follow-up appointment to talk about the results. Unfortunately, a post-mortem does not always provide a reason for a miscarriage, so you may not find out why your baby died. But it may help rule out some possibilities and perhaps reassure you if you want to try to get pregnant again in the future.

Review dates

Reviewed: 29 January 2020 | Next review: 29 January 2023

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Flushing A Pregnancy Loss: How To Cope With Feelings of Shame

The bathroom is the first place most mothers go when they feel fluid release between their legs. When you are pregnant, it is a practical thought in a moment of panic. There is often pressure and cramping within the body, and blood loss, so it is instinctive to head to the toilet where there is usually a tiled floor, a toilet to hold further fluid that you suspect may follow. But what happens when the fluid becomes a pregnancy loss?

"I sat on the toilet and, with a small push, felt my baby leave me."

I spoke with one mother, who wishes to remain anonymous, about her experience of uncertainty when faced with the reality of seeing her tiny baby in the water of her toilet:

 “As I had miscarried before, I instinctively knew that what I was going through was the same experience. My first miscarriage happened while I was in the hospital, so it was quite controlled. At almost three months pregnant, I had a scheduled scan and already felt as though something was not right. It was confirmed at the scan that my baby had died a few weeks earlier. I had a D&C that day, so deciding what to do with my baby was a discussion and then a procedure. 

"When I miscarried at home, I was alone. I couldn’t reach my husband on the phone, and I felt there was nobody to ask for advice on what I should do. I knew something was very wrong; I had sharp pains and blood spotting in my knickers, the same signs as when I lost my first pregnancy. I sat on the toilet and, with a small push, felt my baby leave me. I was in shock, there was blood everywhere, and I was doubled over in pain. I could see the shape of my baby in the water but didn’t think I had any other option at the time but to flush. 

"I deeply regret that decision and felt so guilty for months after. I still feel guilty, thinking of the last place I saw my baby. I was distraught at losing another baby: I  was alone in my home. I did the only thing I could think of at that time.”

Unless you have a pre-planned medical procedure, such as a D&C (dilation and curettage), there is little control over when your baby, or fetus, may leave your body while experiencing a miscarriage. 

Pregnancy loss happens in so many situations; at home, at work, and while out with friends. It’s often the case that the mother won’t call someone else to the bathroom, not even their partner. The guilt, shock and shame mothers feel may not be justified, but can be a huge weight on top of an already traumatic experience. Internal questions are asked of whether this should be a shared experience or something to do silently and alone. And many mothers do go through this alone.

Through conversations with women who kindly spoke to me for my book, some had lived through the experience of flushing when they had miscarried on the toilet. In every conversation, each woman had the same reaction – they were deeply traumatised at having just lost a pregnancy and, at the time, did the best they could to survive the experience both mentally and physically.  

Miscarriage, symptoms - Health Clinic 365 Yekaterinburg

Causes of miscarriage

Questions to the doctor about miscarriage

Diagnosis of miscarriage

Treatment and prevention of miscarriage

According to statistics, 10 to 20% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage. However, the real numbers could be much higher, as a large number of miscarriages happen very early, and women are not even aware of their pregnancy. Most miscarriages happen due to abnormal development of the fetus. nine0003

Miscarriage is quite common, but this fact does not make things any easier. It is always difficult to cope with the realization that there was a pregnancy, but no child. Try to deal with the situation psychologically and understand what could be causing the miscarriage, what increases the risk of it, and what type of treatment might be needed.