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How to deal with kids bullying your child
Facts About Bullying | StopBullying.gov
This section pulls together fundamental information about bullying, including:
Research on Bullying
Bullying and Suicide
Definition of Bullying
In 2014, the Centers for Disease Control and Department of Education released the first federal definition of bullying. The definition includes three core elements:
unwanted aggressive behavior
observed or perceived power imbalance
repetition or high likelihood of repetition of bullying behaviors
This definition helps determine whether an incident is bullying or another type of aggressive behavior or both.
Research on Bullying
Bullying prevention is a growing research field that investigates the complexities and consequences of bullying. Important areas for more research include:
Prevalence of bullying in schools
Prevalence of cyberbullying in online spaces
How bullying affects people
Risk factors for people who are bullied, people who bully others, or both
How to prevent bullying
How media and media coverage affects bullying
What We’ve Learned about Bullying
Bullying affects all youth, including those who are bullied, those who bully others, and those who witness bullying. The effects of bullying may continue into adulthood.
There is not a single profile of a young person involved in bullying. Youth who bully can be either well connected socially or marginalized, and may be bullied by others as well. Similarly, those who are bullied sometimes bully others.
Solutions to bullying are not simple. Bullying prevention approaches that show the most promise confront the problem from many angles. They involve the entire school community—students, families, administrators, teachers, and staff such as bus drivers, nurses, cafeteria and front office staff—in creating a culture of respect. Zero tolerance and expulsion are not effective approaches.
Bystanders, or those who see bullying, can make a huge difference when they intervene on behalf of someone being bullied.
Studies also have shown that adults can help prevent bullying by talking to children about bullying, encouraging them to do what they love, modeling kindness and respect, and seeking help.
Here are federal statistics about bullying in the United States. Data sources include the Indicators of School Crime and Safety: 2019 (National Center for Education Statistics and Bureau of Justice) and the 2017 Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance System (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention).
How Common Is Bullying
About 20% of students ages 12-18 experienced bullying nationwide.
Students ages 12–18 who reported being bullied said they thought those who bullied them:
Had the ability to influence other students’ perception of them (56%).
Had more social influence (50%).
Were physically stronger or larger (40%).
Had more money (31%).
Bullying in Schools
Nationwide, 19% of students in grades 9–12 report being bullied on school property in the 12 months prior to the survey.
The following percentages of students ages 12-18 had experienced bullying in various places at school:
Hallway or stairwell (43. 4%)
Outside on school grounds (21.9%)
Online or text (15.3%)
Bathroom or locker room (12.1%)
Somewhere else in the school building (2.1%)
Approximately 46% of students ages 12-18 who were bullied during the school year notified an adult at school about the bullying.
Among students ages 12-18 who reported being bullied at school during the school year, 15 % were bullied online or by text.
An estimated 14.9% of high school students were electronically bullied in the 12 months prior to the survey.
Types of Bullying
Students ages 12-18 experienced various types of bullying, including:
Being the subject of rumors or lies (13. 4%)
Being made fun of, called names, or insulted (13.0%)
Pushed, shoved, tripped, or spit on (5.3%)
Leaving out/exclusion (5.2%)
Threatened with harm (3.9%)
Others tried to make them do things they did not want to do (1.9%)
Property was destroyed on purpose (1.4%)
State and Local Statistics
Follow these links for state and local figures on the following topics:
Bullied on School Property, Grades 9-12
Cyberbullied, Grades 9-12
According to the UNESCO Institute of Statistics:
One third of the globe’s youth is bullied; this ranges from as low as 7% in Tajikistan to 74% in Samoa.
Low socioeconomic status is a main factor in youth bullying within wealthy countries.
Immigrant-born youth in wealthy countries are more likely to be bullied than locally-born youth.
Bullying and Suicide
The relationship between bullying and suicide is complex. The media should avoid oversimplifying these issues and insinuating or directly stating that bullying can cause suicide. The facts tell a different story. It is not accurate and potentially dangerous to present bullying as the “cause” or “reason” for a suicide, or to suggest that suicide is a natural response to bullying.
Research indicates that persistent bullying can lead to or worsen feelings of isolation, rejection, exclusion, and despair, as well as depression and anxiety, which can contribute to suicidal behavior.
The vast majority of young people who are bullied do not become suicidal.
Most young people who die by suicide have multiple risk factors.
For more information on the relationship between bullying and suicide, read “The Relationship Between Bullying and Suicide: What We Know and What it Means for Schools” from the CDC.
All states have anti-bullying legislation. When bullying is also harassment and happens in the school context, schools have a legal obligation to respond to it according to federal laws.
What Kids Can Do | StopBullying.gov
Are you being bullied? Do you see bullying at your school? There are things you can do to keep yourself and the kids you know safe from bullying.
Treat Everyone with Respect
What to Do If You’re Bullied
Protect Yourself from Cyberbullying
Stand Up for Others
Treat Everyone with Respect
Nobody should be mean to others.
Stop and think before you say or do something that could hurt someone.
If you feel like being mean to someone, find something else to do. Play a game, watch TV, or talk to a friend.
Talk to an adult you trust. They can help you find ways to be nicer to others.
Keep in mind that everyone is different. Not better or worse. Just different.
If you think you have bullied someone in the past, apologize. Everyone feels better.
What to Do If You’re Bullied
There are things you can do if you are being bullied:
Look at the kid bullying you and tell him or her to stop in a calm, clear voice. You can also try to laugh it off. This works best if joking is easy for you. It could catch the kid bullying you off guard.
If speaking up seems too hard or not safe, walk away and stay away. Don’t fight back. Find an adult to stop the bullying on the spot.
There are things you can do to stay safe in the future, too.
Talk to an adult you trust. Don’t keep your feelings inside. Telling someone can help you feel less alone. They can help you make a plan to stop the bullying.
Stay away from places where bullying happens.
Stay near adults and other kids. Most bullying happens when adults aren’t around.
Protect Yourself from Cyberbullying
Bullying does not always happen in person. Cyberbullying is a type of bullying that happens online or through text messages or emails. There are things you can do to protect yourself.
Always think about what you post. You never know what someone will forward. Being kind to others online will help to keep you safe. Do not share anything that could hurt or embarrass anyone.
Keep your password a secret from other kids. Even kids that seem like friends could give your password away or use it in ways you don’t want. Let your parents have your passwords.
Think about who sees what you post online. Complete strangers? Friends? Friends of friends? Privacy settings let you control who sees what.
Keep your parents in the loop. Tell them what you’re doing online and who you’re doing it with. Let them friend or follow you. Listen to what they have to say about what is and isn’t okay to do. They care about you and want you to be safe.
Talk to an adult you trust about any messages you get or things you see online that make you sad or scared. If it is cyberbullying, report it.
Stand Up for Others
When you see bullying, there are safe things you can do to make it stop.
Talk to a parent, teacher, or another adult you trust. Adults need to know when bad things happen so they can help.
Be kind to the kid being bullied. Show them that you care by trying to include them. Sit with them at lunch or on the bus, talk to them at school, or invite them to do something. Just hanging out with them will help them know they aren’t alone.
Not saying anything could make it worse for everyone. The kid who is bullying will think it is ok to keep treating others that way.
You can be a leader in preventing bullying in your community.
Find out more about where and when bullying happens at your school. Think about what could help. Then, share your ideas. There is a good chance that adults don’t know all of what happens. Your friends can go with you to talk to a teacher, counselor, coach, or parent and can add what they think.
Talk to the principal about getting involved at school. Schools sometimes give students a voice in programs to stop bullying. Be on a school safety committee. Create posters for your school about bullying. Be a role model for younger kids.
Write a blog, letter to the editor of your local newspaper, or tweet about bullying.
What to do if your child is bullied by other children
January 01, 2010, 5:50 pm
The movie "In front of the class"
Has your child been the object of bullying by peers? The situation can be corrected, because you are next to him! The child often comes from school or kindergarten in a depressed mood, tears and even abrasions: his peers have chosen him as a target for witticisms and cruel jokes. Your first impulse is to breastfeed to protect your baby. But won't you make it worse for him?
Why is he humiliated?
Of course, no child deserves neglect - every child is unique and has its own merits. But it is far from always easy for a little man to show his strengths in a team, because his peers are much more willing to discover his weaknesses.
What? It can be poor physical fitness, untidy or not fashionable appearance, poor academic performance, excessive fullness, and so on.
Perhaps the child often gets sick, skipping school or kindergarten, and therefore does not fit into the class or group. Some children have a complex character: they are too passive, insecure or sensitive and vulnerable. One way or another, little "outcasts" accumulate resentment towards their peers, a feeling of loneliness, envy of other children. The unfortunate child closes in on himself, begins to deceive, brag, slander, or secretly take revenge on the offenders.
We need your support
Sometimes it's better not to interfere with children's relationships, but this is not the case. First, understand the reasons for the unpopularity of the child and try to eliminate them. Maybe it doesn't look very modern? Take care of his wardrobe and appearance. Too weak physically? Get him interested in some sport. Does he study badly? Be a tutor yourself or hire a specialist. Does he underestimate himself? Help me gain confidence in my strengths and abilities. Emphasize his dignity at every opportunity. Do not skimp on praise, admire your child and do not forget that the child looks at himself with your own eyes.
The ABC of communication
The next stage is teaching the child useful skills of relationships with other people: greater activity, friendliness, the ability to stand up for oneself, and when necessary - restrain and yield. And remember: the more confident the child feels, the easier these skills are given to him. It would be useful to ask the class teacher or teacher to support his son or daughter, perhaps to involve him in some important business, which will increase his prestige in the eyes of others. But it cannot be ruled out that the situation in the children's team is actually too unhealthy, and then it would be better to transfer the child to another school or kindergarten.
You are the "producer" of his talents
All children dream of being the best - but how do you show others your own worth? For fear of being rejected, not every child is able to openly claim a better role in a game or other collective activity. Give your son or daughter this opportunity! Organize some common event for him and his friends: a children's party, a country outing. "Own" territory, "their" adult, the opportunity to get a profitable role and cope with it - that's what a child needs to feel safe and reveal his talents.
How to teach a child to stand up for himself
This is one of the most burning questions. He worries both moms and dads, but dads, probably, still more.
- Life is cruel, men say. - It is necessary to break through with a fight, and we have a slobber growing.
Moreover, as a rule, those fathers who themselves did not know how to stand up for themselves in childhood, and even in adulthood do not painfully resemble Rimbaud or James Bond, are indignant about filial drooling. However, it is understandable. We all want our children not to repeat our mistakes and to be happier than us. See →
If the child is teased at school
The child is teased at school. It doesn't matter what exactly was the reason for this for classmates - tall or, on the contrary, short stature, some other lack of appearance, a character trait, and so on. "Teasers", offensive nicknames, constant ridicule traumatize the child, especially if he is naturally vulnerable and shy. There are times when this situation gets out of control and becomes irreversible. The child perceives school only as a place where he is subjected to bullying. This can affect his self-esteem, academic performance and, ultimately, his state of mind.
What should parents do in this case? What to do if your child is teased by classmates, if because of ridicule he does not want to go to school? See →
Outcast children: psychological work with the problem
In every children's group there are popular children and not very popular ones. There are active, sociable children, and there are quiet, loners. Some are satisfied with a secondary role in the class, others suffer from such a situation, but do not know and do not know how to change it. Some children are so eager to be in the center of attention of classmates, to take a leadership position, while not being able to behave in accordance with their claims, choosing inadequate ways of behavior, that they seek attention "with a minus sign" - they become the object of ridicule and contempt. And these guys, actively rejected by their peers, are, unfortunately, a frequent and difficult-to-correct phenomenon. See →
How can I help my child build relationships with classmates?
It is the family that provides the child with a certain level of intellectual development and instills communication skills. Of course, parents cannot directly influence the situation that has developed in the team. But often they notice before teachers that their child is uncomfortable in the classroom, that he has a bad relationship with classmates. In this case, it is necessary to take immediate action - it is better to go and talk about the disturbing symptoms with the class teacher in order to dispel doubts than to allow the situation to get out of control. In such a situation, parents turn to the school psychologist for help. See →
Outcast child in the classroom (advice for teachers and parents)
The most important thing to remember: the position of the child in the classroom until adolescence is 90% dependent on how the teacher treats him. And for first-graders - for all 100. Therefore, if the child does not develop relationships with classmates, the teacher can solve the problem by giving the guys a sign that she likes the child, that he has something (it doesn’t matter what, even wipe it off the board) best of all, that he is important and needed in the classroom. See →
Mr. Bean, June 11, 2014 at 00:13
What movie is the video from?
N.I. Kozlov, June 11, 2014, 07:55
From the movie "In front of the class" (video caption bottom left).
Guest, February 21, 2020, 4:33 PM
In our class, the teacher is powerless in front of boy hooligans. And this is in the second grade. At best, they react to the remark for several days, and then everything repeats. And talking to parents doesn't help. I do not agree with the author of the article that the teacher is an authority at the present time; in any case, it often happens that children whom the teacher loves and praises become outcasts. If the teacher were an example, then there would be no such lawlessness in the primary grades. The scumbag children spat on the opinion of the teacher from the big bell tower.
Guest, September 13, 2020, 11:45
We also have a deplorable situation, our daughter is in the 7th grade, they humiliate, offend, teachers do not influence students, I go, mom, and it turns out like this that even I remain guilty! Now there are very difficult children, when parents enter the classroom, none of the students even greet, this is bad manners.
Guest, September 25, 2020, 18:22
I graduated from high school two years ago, having entered a top St. Petersburg university. And, probably, I can look at the problem from the other side ... Did you ask why the child is being bullied? Where are the problems? Not everyone is humiliated at school, only those who do not respect themselves. And you go to school, and what will happen next, will you go to the university? How is your daughter socialized? How does she behave? Does she have a sense of humor? Speaking of the latter, its presence almost always guarantees the absence of bullying, and in general it will help in life. Well, if your daughter is a plump, not very smart, squishy little girl without a sense of humor ... What are you surprised about, you need to look for all the problems in yourself, nothing is done just like that. good luck)
Guest, February 09, 2021, 10:01
The fact that a person is not like that (fat, not very smart, without a sense of humor, etc.) does not give others the right to humiliate him. This is at least bad manners and a big EGO of offenders. The reasons for "not like that" can be very different and not always solvable. An example of acquaintances: a child has to take a strong drug for medical reasons. Because of this preparation, a side effect in the form of lethargy is manifested. As a result, the children begin to tease him. How would you suggest to solve this problem??? 9February 09, 2021 That's when your daughter appears, and you will face the problem of bullying, only then I hope it will reach you! My daughter is a beautiful, athletic, kind girl. We are military, and the child has already managed to change three schools. In the first two there were no problems, but in the third I faced a disgusting attitude from the boys. Friends and friends say that do not pay attention, maybe the guys show their feelings this way. And I'm scared for the future of our children if they express their interest in such a vile way. What will happen when they grow up?
What to do if a child is bullied at school: advice from a psychologist
The child's conflict with the team is one of the most difficult topics to talk about. Unfortunately, adaptation in a team and communication with peers do not go smoothly and well for all children. It happens that the child fails to establish relationships in the classroom, he is regularly offended and oppressed in every possible way.
The parents of such a child have a huge number of questions, but it is extremely difficult to find answers to them. An aggravating factor in this whole situation can be the silence of the child himself, because children in such difficult situations are not particularly in a hurry to turn to their parents for help, most often they hide what is happening to them within the walls of the school. Together with clinical psychologist Marianna Abravitova, we figure out what can be done if a child is faced with bullying.
How do you know if a child is being bullied at school?
The fact that your child has developed difficult relationships with classmates may be evidenced by such facts as, for example, unwillingness to go to school, up to complete refusal. Also, an alarm can be frequent absenteeism, which you did not even know about, being late, abrasions and bruises of unknown origin.
The picture can be supplemented by the increased closeness of the child many times over, lack of mood and, of course, school friends that he could tell you about or bring home. And, perhaps, the most alarming call that comes to the parents of a child who is offended is the constant breakdown and loss of things with which he goes to school, as well as dirty, wrinkled, torn clothes.
How can you help your child?
If you know that your child is shy, shy, calm and non-confrontational, has difficulty making friends, and if he is new to the team, he needs to be helped to adapt, and not let things take their course.
For example, as soon as you come to a new school or a new class, initially agree with the teacher that classmates will not meet your child quite normally - as an option, you can arrange a holiday for children, with clowns, gifts and various goodies. This is done so that in children the image of your child is fixed with positive emotions.
You can do without a holiday, arrange a regular tea party, but do it in such a way that the children have pleasant impressions that are directly related to your child.
Positive Stimulation is essentially an SOS program when nothing else is left. And this program helps even in the case when your child, for one reason or another, has not been accepted into the team, he can’t find a common language with his peers, he can’t get used to it, and he suffers and suffers from this.
Here you can also advise to arrange a "corporate party". For example, why are they satisfied with the job? In order for employees who each sit in their office, on different floors, who do not know each other, to be able to relax, get closer and make friends in a non-working environment. The children's team is no different from the adult, so you can also hold a corporate party in it and maintain this tradition in order to bring all the children together and make friends.
Naturally, if you are organizing a corporate party for your child, think over the following point in advance: children in classes often break into groups and communicate with each other within their small team. So that your shy child does not fall out of communication, you can’t let everything take its course - you need to come up with entertainment that will unite children, and not divide them, then your child will become a participant in everything that happens.
The most important thing to do is to provide your child with comprehensive support and do everything in your power to protect him. If the situation is critical, you should think about transferring to another class or another school, where there will be an opportunity to start everything from scratch, and in a new place you should not forget about positive stimulation. It is important not to delay the decision to switch for a long time if the situation raises serious concerns.
In addition, the child needs to be explained that collective aggression is most often associated with the fact that children thus show a defensive reaction, which means that they are simply afraid of someone who is not like them. That is why introvert children often face problem situations in a team - they do not need to stray into a group to feel better or stronger, everything they need is inside.
There are situations in life in which it is better to be proactive than to deal with their consequences later. Therefore, so that your child does not turn out to be an outcast at school, it is better to socialize him to the maximum even before school. A harmonious, calm and self-confident personality is formed in conditions of leaving the comfort zone, accustoming oneself to constantly master some new spaces, new teams, interacting with different people.
While the child is small, while he is not yet "new" anywhere, but only new in this world, it is necessary to initiate his acquaintance with new people in every possible way: take him to different sections and circles, where he can get acquainted with a large number of children and, what Most importantly, learn communication skills.