How to control an aggressive child

Ways to Deal with Your Toddler's Aggressive Behavior – Cleveland Clinic

Does your kid seem to have “anger issues”?

If you’re a parent, you’ve probably dealt with your fair share of tantrums, meltdowns, and freak-outs. Regulating our emotions is a skill we all have to learn, and some kids take longer to master self-control than others. But how do you know when your child’s aggressive or violent behavior isn’t just part of their learning curve vs. getting out of hand? And what can you do to help?

Why is my toddler so aggressive?

It’s all about knowing what’s developmentally appropriate. “We generally expect toddlers to experience some aggressive behaviors,” says pediatric psychologist Emily Mudd, PhD.

“At this stage, kids tend to resort to physical expressions of their frustration, simply because they don’t yet have the language skills to express themselves. For example, pushing a peer on the playground could be considered typical. We wouldn’t necessarily call that aggression unless it was part of a pattern. ”

When to worry

By the time your child is old enough to have the verbal skills to communicate their feelings — around age 7 — physical expressions of aggression should taper off, Dr. Mudd says.

If that’s not happening, it’s time to be concerned, especially if your child is putting themselves or others in danger or is regularly damaging property.

Watch for warning signs that your child’s behavior is having a negative impact, like they’re:

Struggling academically.
Having difficulty relating to peers.
Frequently causing disruptions at home.

“These warning signs are cause for concern and should not be ignored,” notes Dr. Mudd.

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Your child’s behavior may have an underlying cause that needs attention. ADHD, anxiety, undiagnosed learning disabilities and autism can all create issues with aggressive behavior.

“Whatever the cause, if aggressive behavior impacts your child’s day-to-day functioning, it’s time to seek help,” Dr. Mudd says.

Start by talking with your pediatrician. If necessary, they can refer you to a mental health professional to diagnose and treat problems that may cause aggression.

Ideas to help with an aggressive toddler

Dr. Mudd recommends these strategies for helping your child tame their aggression.

Stay calm

“When a child is expressing a lot of emotion, and the parents meet that with more emotion, it can increase the child’s aggression,” she says. Instead, try to model emotional regulation for your child.

Don’t give in to tantrums or aggressive behavior

For example, if your child is having a tantrum at the grocery store because they want a particular cereal, don’t give in and buy it. This is rewarding and reinforces the inappropriate behavior.

Catch your child being good

Reward good behavior, even when your child isn’t doing anything out of the ordinary. If dinner time is problem-free, say, “I really like how you acted at dinner. ” Treats and prizes aren’t necessary. Recognition and praise are powerful all on their own.

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Help your child learn to express themself by naming emotions

For example, you might say, “I can tell you’re really angry right now.” This validates what your child is feeling and encourages verbal, instead of physical, expression. Opening up the floor for conversation can help them find ways of getting their feelings off their chest in a healthy way.

Know your child’s patterns and identify triggers

Do tantrums happen every morning before school? Work on structuring your morning routine. Break down tasks into simple steps, and give time warnings like, “We’re leaving in 10 minutes.” Set goals, like making it to school on time four days out of five. Then reward your child when they meet those goals.

Find appropriate rewards

Don’t focus on financial or material goals. Instead, try rewards like half an hour of special time with mom or dad, choosing what the family eats for dinner or selecting what the family watches for movie night.

You’re not alone with toddler aggression

If your child is struggling with self-control, incorporating these strategies into your parenting should help you rein in those behaviors.

If the situation seems unmanageable, though, remember that you’re not the only one struggling with your child’s behavior. Pediatric psychologists are skilled at helping children and families solve emotional and behavioral problems. Ask your pediatrician for the names of mental health professionals in your area.

Anger Management for Kids & How to Deal With Anger

When a child—even a small child—melts down and becomes aggressive, they can pose a serious risk to themselves and others, including parents and siblings.

It’s not uncommon for kids who have trouble handling their emotions to lose control and direct their distress at a caregiver, screaming and cursing, throwing dangerous objects, or hitting and biting. It can be a scary, stressful experience for you and your child, too. Children often feel sorry after they’ve worn themselves out and calmed down.

So what are you to do?

It’s helpful to first understand that behavior is communication. A child who is so overwhelmed that they are lashing out is a distressed child. They don’t have the skill to manage their feelings and express them in a more mature way. They may lack language, or impulse control, or problem-solving abilities.

Sometimes parents see this kind of explosive behavior as manipulative. But kids who lash out are usually unable to handle frustration or anger in a more effective way—say, by talking and figuring out how to achieve what they want.

Nonetheless, how you react when a child lashes out has an effect on whether they will continue to respond to distress in the same way, or learn better ways to handle feelings so they don’t become overwhelming. Some pointers:

Stay calm. Faced with a raging child, it’s easy to feel out of control and find yourself yelling at them. But when you shout, you have less chance of reaching them. Instead, you will only be making them more aggressive and defiant. As hard as it may be, if you can stay calm and in control of your own emotions, you can be a model for your child and teach them to do the same thing.

Don’t give in. Don’t encourage them to continue this behavior by agreeing to what they want in order to make it stop.

Praise appropriate behavior. When they have calmed down, praise them for pulling themselves together. And when they do try to express their feelings verbally, calmly, or try to find a compromise on an area of disagreement, praise them for those efforts.

Help them practice problem-solving skills. When your child is not upset is the time to help them try out communicating their feelings and coming up with solutions to conflicts before they escalate into aggressive outbursts. You can ask them how they feel, and how they think you might solve a problem.

Time outs and reward systems. Time outs for nonviolent misbehavior can work well with children younger than 7 or 8 years old. If a child is too old for time outs, you want to move to a system of positive reinforcement for appropriate behavior—points or tokens toward something they want.

Avoid triggers. Vasco Lopes, PsyD, a clinical psychologist, says most kids who have frequent meltdowns do it at very predictable times, like homework time, bedtime, or when it’s time to stop playing, whether it’s Legos or the Xbox. The trigger is usually being asked to do something they don’t like, or to stop doing something they do like. Time warnings (“we’re going in 10 minutes”), breaking tasks down into one-step directions (“first, put on your shoes”), and preparing your child for situations (“please ask to be excused before you leave Grandma’s table”) can all help avoid meltdowns.

What kind of tantrum is it?

How you respond to a tantrum also depends on its severity. The first rule in handling nonviolent tantrums is to ignore them as often as possible, since even negative attention, like telling the child to stop, can be encouraging.

But when a child is getting physical, ignoring is not recommended since it can result in harm to others as well as your child. In this situation, Dr. Lopes advises putting the child in a safe environment that does not give them access to you or any other potential rewards.

If the child is young (usually 7 or younger), try placing them in a time out chair. If they won’t stay in the chair, take them to a backup area where they can calm down on their own without anyone else in the room. Again, for this approach to work there shouldn’t be any toys or games in the area that might make it rewarding.

Your child should stay in that room for one minute, and must be calm before they are allowed out. Then they should come back to the chair for time out. “What this does is gives your child an immediate and consistent consequence for their aggression and it removes all access to reinforcing things in their environment,” explains Dr. Lopes.

If you have an older child who is being aggressive and you aren’t able to carry them into an isolated area to calm down, Dr. Lopes advises removing yourself from their vicinity. This ensures that they are not getting any attention or reinforcement from you and keeps you safe. In extreme instances, it may be necessary to call 911 to ensure your and your child’s safety.

Help with behavioral techniques

If your child is doing a lot of lashing out—enough that it is frequently frightening you and disrupting your family—it’s important to get some professional help. There are good behavioral therapies that can help you and your child get past the aggression, relieve your stress and improve your relationship. You can learn techniques for managing their behavior more effectively, and they can learn to rein in disruptive behavior and enjoy a much more positive relationship with you.

Parent-child interaction therapy. PCIT has been shown to be very helpful for children between the ages of 2 and 7. The parent and child work together through a set of exercises while a therapist coaches parents through an ear bud. You learn how to pay more attention to your child’s positive behavior, ignore minor misbehaviors, and provide consistent consequences for negative and aggressive behavior, all while remaining calm.

Parent Management Training. PMT teaches similar techniques as PCIT, though the therapist usually works with parents, not the child.

Collaborative and Proactive Solutions. CPS is a program based on the idea that explosive or disruptive behavior is the result of lagging skills rather than, say, an attempt to get attention or test limits. The idea is to teach children the skills they lack to respond to a situation in a more effective way than throwing a tantrum.

Figuring out explosive behavior

Tantrums and meltdowns are especially concerning when they occur more often, more intensely, or past the age in which they’re developmentally expected—those terrible twos up through preschool. As a child gets older, aggression becomes more and more dangerous to you, and the child. And it can become a big problem for them at school and with friends, too.

If your child has a pattern of lashing out it may be because of an underlying problem that needs treatment. Some possible reasons for aggressive behavior include:

ADHD: Kids with ADHD are frustrated easily, especially in certain situations, such as when they’re supposed to do homework or go to bed.

Anxiety: An anxious child may keep their worries secret, then lash out when the demands at school or at home put pressure on them that they can’t handle. Often, a child who “keeps it together” at school loses it with one or both parents.

Undiagnosed learning disability: When your child acts out repeatedly in school or during homework time, it could be because the work is very hard for them.

Sensory processing issues: Some children have trouble processing the information they are taking in through their senses. Things like too much noise, crowds and even “scratchy” clothes can make them anxious, uncomfortable, or overwhelmed. That can lead to actions that leave you mystified, including aggression.

Autism: Children on all points of the spectrum are often prone to major meltdowns when they are frustrated or faced with unexpected change. They also often have sensory issues that make them anxious and agitated.

Given that there are so many possible causes for emotional outbursts and aggression, an accurate diagnosis is key to getting the help you need. You may want to start with your pediatrician. They can rule out medical causes and then refer you to a specialist. A trained, experienced child psychologist or psychiatrist can help determine what, if any, underlying issues are present.

When behavioral plans aren’t enough

Professionals agree, the younger you can treat a child, the better. But what about older children and even younger kids who are so dangerous to themselves and others, behavioral techniques aren’t enough to keep them, and others around them, safe?

Medication. Medication for underlying conditions such as ADHD and anxiety may make your child more reachable and teachable. Kids with extreme behavior problems are often treated with antipsychotic medications like Risperdal or Abilify. But these medications should be partnered with behavioral techniques.
Holds. Parent training may, in fact, include learning how to use safe holds on your child, so that you can keep both them and yourself out of harm’s way.
Residential settings. Children with extreme behaviors may need to spend time in a residential treatment facility, sometimes, but not always, in a hospital setting. There, they receive behavioral and, most likely, pharmaceutical treatment. Therapeutic boarding schools provide consistency and structure round the clock, seven days a week. The goal is for the child to internalize self-control so they can come back home with more appropriate behavior with you and the world at large.
Day treatment. With day treatment, a child with extreme behavioral problems lives at home but attends a school with a strict behavioral plan. Such schools should have trained staff prepared to safely handle crisis situations.

Explosive children need calm, confident parents

It can be challenging work for parents to learn how to handle an aggressive child with behavioral approaches, but for many kids it can make a big difference. Parents who are confident, calm, and consistent can be very successful in helping children develop the skills they need to regulate their own behavior.

This may require more patience and willingness to try different techniques than you might with a typically developing child, but when the result is a better relationship and happier home, it’s well worth the effort.

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AGGRESSIVE CHILD: RECOMMENDATIONS FOR PARENTS

Parents are alarmed by their child's behavior: anger, pugnacity, outbursts of aggression, constant remarks from adults whose children are in contact with their son or daughter, and the situation becomes more complicated every day.

Parents are at a loss: the reason for the formation of such a character is not clear, where the unbridledness and aggression came from, what to do in these cases?

CHILD AGGRESSION: MAIN CAUSES

The problem of child aggression, unfortunately, has all the development trends and today it is no longer a problem of individual families, but of the whole society. Unreasonable outbursts of rage, the desire to break, tear, pinch and even bite make adults isolate the child from other children in order to prevent the alleged conflict.

This is a precautionary measure, but by no means a solution to the problem - quite the opposite: the child can withdraw even more into himself, and manifestations of aggression will not go anywhere, moreover, the situation can completely get out of control.

The first thing to do is to find out the cause, this will help not only control the situation, but also change the whole problem at the root. Parents try to solve the problem late when aggression has firmly taken root in the child, and not when it was still possible to solve it with parental affection, special games, and activities.

The main causes that manifest themselves in child aggression are identified:

1. Features of innate temperament and nervous system.

2. Incomplete or incorrect education.

3. Self-doubt caused by constant fear or stress.

4. The manifestation of aggression in the child's environment (family, children's team).

5. Achieving leadership in a group by humiliating the dignity of others.

There is a manifestation of aggressiveness in the behavior of the child, if he has any physical or psychological defects. Feelings of inferiority in front of other children, ridicule on their part initially cause aggression at the level of a defensive reaction, but over time, changes in the child's psychology can turn into another form - revenge.

We must not forget about the category of children who are mostly left to themselves in games. Getting into the team, they often try on new images, often peeped on TV or on the street, and these are far from always positive prototypes.

TYPES OF AGGRESSION IN CHILDREN

Psychologists recommend that parents whose children show excessive irritability and aggressiveness learn to prevent these outbursts by their intervention. Knowing which type this manifestation belongs to, it is easier to analyze and take control of the situation. There are five main types of aggression in children, starting from an early age:

Physical aggression. Direct - when an attack is made on another child with the aim of humiliating, hurting; indirect - the destruction of any material or spiritual values \u200b\u200bis used; symbolic - indecent gestures, facial expressions, verbal threats.
Verbal aggression. Reaction in the form of a manifestation of negative emotions: loud swearing, threats. The reason can be pain, humiliation, fear.
Directed form of aggression. It is expressed in the form of a malicious attitude towards other children and adults, the spread of gossip, mocking ridicule, cruel jokes. This motive of aggression can form much earlier than the manifestation itself, the so-called backbone of a kind of revenge.
Non-directional form of aggression. Children often remain dissatisfied with the absence of something or previously promised to them, or with any one of their annoying factors, this may be the behavior of adults that is wrong in their opinion.

The development of another type of child aggression - auto-aggression is noted. This type is distinctive in that the child shows dissatisfaction not with someone else's, but with his own behavior. Often this type develops in adolescence, where the form of self-flagellation can go beyond all limits.

DETECTION OF AGGRESSION IN A CHILD AT THE EARLY STAGE

Starting from infancy, parents, watching their child smile, frown, examine something with concentration, calm down with a sigh of relief: their baby, learning the world, develops. This is a very correct definition: the child reacts, albeit in a peculiar way, but it’s good that parents notice this, it’s even better if they fix in their memory: what kind of emotions their baby experiences and when. The mistake, and a very common one, is different: parents focus on key points, not paying attention to the little things, but they form the basis of the child's psychology.

Parents' inattention and incomplete understanding of the child's development can lead to fixation in the psyche of the first manifestations of discontent. At the very beginning of life, it is difficult for a child to deceive adults, he himself is still learning to live, and it is not difficult for a psychologist to determine and classify the development of aggression at an early stage.

There are special tests, games, exercises that help determine the presence and development phase of a child's irritability. It is important to determine which of the factors makes the child nervous, worried, afraid. It should be observed how the child performs exercises of medium complexity for patience, erudition and other factors.

Analyzing the behavior of a child, a psychologist, even at an early stage, will be able to identify non-standard behavior and deviations in the psyche.

AGGRESSIVE CHILD: HELPING TO OVERCOME ANGER

Parents who decide to seriously deal with the problem of controlling the early manifestation of aggression in the psyche of their child should always remember that looking at the behavior of the child, they see how the mirror reflects their lifestyle. What will have to be excluded with a child "debriefing": do not use sarcasm, shouting, exclude family scandals in a conversation, is very important, but not all.

Television often shows all sorts of horror movies and cartoons, you need to prevent your child from watching them as soon as possible. Even benign aggression to protect oneself, friends, is a call to destroy or strike.

The child should feel needed: the attention that is given to him should not be shown from time to time. The kid should not feel like a burden when mom or dad is busy with something of their own, even talking to him, parents participate in education.

When making comments, you need to watch in what form of communication the child is trying to explain his mistakes: aggression and humiliation are unforgivable. If the child does not understand something, or he does not succeed, you need to help him in this, and perhaps even several times.

If a child is correctly explained using the example of other children that fighting, biting, swearing is bad, and doing this repeatedly, aggressive behavior will be fixed in the child's worldview as something bad. Personal example of parents: affection, warmth of relationships, friendly behavior with other parents will complete the learning.

Timely suppressed aggression, both of one's own child and from other people's children, must be permanent.

You need to master several play complexes that help tame rage: psychologists offer a whole system of such activities. Parents should refrain from corporal punishment. It is necessary to exclude talk about the aggressive behavior of the child in his presence.

PARENTS' MISTAKES: PSYCHOLOGIST'S RECOMMENDATIONS

Only prepared parents can be the best parents: special courses, literature, video lessons, everything can and should be used to eliminate mistakes in communicating with a child.

The main mistake of parents that connect the anger and irritation of the child is, of course, the aggression of the adults themselves, directed at the baby. Angry remarks, shouting, corporal punishment in no way have a positive result.

A child cannot be required to do everything unquestioningly and in the order that parents like, this suppresses initiative. Worst of all, if the baby is wrongly punished for disobedience: they are forbidden to play, do not talk to him.

The child will be dutiful, but this can cause a rebellion in his psyche and contribute to the development of aggression. The trust of parents, love and a calm microclimate in the family are the main factors that serve as the basis for the development of a normal psyche in children.

WHAT PSYCHOLOGISTS RECOMMEND

The child is a continuation of us and it is very important that he goes his way without repeating the mistakes of his parents. Parents should not look for easy ways to raise their children: patience, perseverance, correct actions will be rewarded a hundredfold in the end result.

Aggressiveness should be excluded from behavior, punishments should be in such a form that the child feels not pain, but a desire to improve.
When punishing a child, one should not strive to humiliate him.
Teach him to restrain aggressiveness, to control it, demonstrating by personal example.
Give the child the opportunity to "blow off steam", after a conflict situation during the game or in another way.

If a family is faced with child aggression, then one should be patient and try to change something, and not only in the child himself, but in himself. By changing your attitude towards the baby, you can change his reaction.

Prepared by psychologist OPPP Marchenko Yu.N.
using the Internet - resources

Recommendations for working with aggressive children.

1. To teach the child to express his displeasure in socially acceptable ways.

2. Adhere to constancy and consistency in the implementation of the selected type of behavior in relation to the child.

3. Restrain the aggressive impulses of the child immediately before their manifestation (stop with a shout, distract with a game, activity, create a physical obstacle to an aggressive act (take your hand away, hold it by the shoulders).

4. Stop any aggressive action: stop calmly, with a straight face, acting with a minimum of words.

5. Discuss behavior only after reassurance.

6. It is obligatory to show the child that such behavior is absolutely unacceptable.

7. Learn to be responsible for your actions.

8. Let him be responsible for something at school and at home.

9. It is advisable to ignore offensive words addressed to an adult, but at the same time try to understand what feelings and experiences of the child are behind them.

10. You can't threaten or blackmail, because at some point it stops working. You will be unconvincing and powerless.

11. Let him know that there are other ways to show power and attract attention.

12. To overcome and prevent aggressive behavior, you can use collective games that help them develop tolerance and mutual assistance.

13. Maintain a calm emotional tone.

14. Never allow yourself to insult a child, do not discharge your bad mood on him.

15. Praise positive actions to reinforce a new style of behavior.

16. Do not seek to please, do not be influenced or manipulated.

17. Give the child the opportunity to throw out his aggression, shift it to other objects (let him draw his enemy and tear the portrait, etc.)

18. Show the child a personal example of effective behavior.

19. Clearly orientate in terms of "good", "bad", "must".

20. Remember that banning and raising your voice are the most ineffective ways to overcome aggressiveness. Only by understanding the reasons for such behavior and removing them, you can hope that the child's aggressiveness will be removed.

Recommendations for working with a hyperactive child

1. Ignore hysterical reactions.

2. Praise positive actions to reinforce a new style of behavior.

3. Don't try to please.

4. Do not pay constant attention to his bad behavior - this is what he needs / subconsciously /

5. Let's understand more often that he has the right to decide for himself and be responsible for his decisions and actions.

6. Do not be influenced or manipulated.

7. Do not criticize the person as a whole, but his actions. Do not make comments all the time.

8. Let emotions be violent, but not rude, within the limits of what is permitted.

9. Strengthen the system of rewards and punishments / punishment - immobility /. He will remember this punishment.

10. If a child has realized a misconduct, then they talk to him. The conversation must be memorable.

11. The requirement of all family members must be the same.

12. Harden the regime. Cross aimless pastime.

13. The child should be responsible for helping around the house, for doing homework. Control is not permanent.

14. Do not allow another task to be done until the first one is completed.

15. Clearly orientate in terms of "good", "bad", "must".

16. Increase self-esteem, self-confidence.

Computer and Internet addiction in children

The computer has firmly entered our lives. Technological progress cannot be stopped, and whether we like it or not, computer literacy is becoming a component of general literacy, a testament to the education, if you like, the civilization of a person. It is difficult to imagine a person applying for a good position and not owning a computer.

The current state of affairs is as follows: if in the mid-late 90s teenagers named listening to music and watching TV programs among the most frequent activities, now the hobby for the computer has supplanted the former hobbies.

About 70% of modern schoolchildren, when answering a question about their interests and hobbies, mention the computer, almost on a par with playing sports, walking, socializing and with friends.

What do experts mean when they talk about computer and Internet addiction?

When experts talk about computer or Internet addiction, they mean that people prefer life in computer games and the Internet to real life, spending up to 18 hours a day in virtual reality. If we are talking about Internet addiction, then its definition is: "This is an obsessive desire to enter the Internet while off-line, and the inability to get off the Internet while on-line." According to various studies, today about 10% of users worldwide are Internet addicts. Russian psychiatrists believe that in our country there are 4-6% of such people.

For the first time, Americans started talking about computer addiction in the late 80s. In their opinion, the symptoms of addiction are as follows: an obsessive desire to check your mailbox on the Internet, a constant expectation of the next access to the network, an addiction to work (games, programming or other activities) and an irresistible craving for searching for information on the network.

This also includes a pathological desire to play online games, attachment to online auctions or electronic purchases on the Internet. Another form of addiction is chatting, which can eventually lead to the replacement of real-life family and friends with virtual ones. Experts believe that in the case of a long absence from the computer and the network, depressed mood and depression occur.

In advanced cases, the addict stops paying attention not only to others, but also to himself, to his appearance, stops performing basic hygiene procedures: washing, shaving, etc.

They name many negative consequences of the appearance of computers in our lives : children read less, spend a lot of time playing computer games, preferring them to walks, lessons, human communication.

What harm to the psyche and health can we talk about?

The most obvious problems, which become apparent very quickly, are associated with impaired posture and vision. A static twisted posture and screen flickering quickly take their toll. Often you can meet complaints of numbness of the fingers and right hand. There was even a name for the symptom - "a hand holding a mouse" - meaning a computer mouse.

When working at a computer, the arms are constantly bent at the elbows, the hands hang in tension over the keyboard. When the hand is motionless and tense for a long time, the blood circulation in it stagnates and the supply of oxygen to the tissues slows down. Swelling occurs, the nerve is compressed. As a result, there is pain, especially at night and early in the morning, in the fingers there is a tingling or numbness.

And how does the passion for computer games affect the psyche, especially of children?

Depending on what and depending on how much time the child spends at the computer.

Games are different. For example, the Windows operating system includes a standard set of games - usually solitaire. They can be good for rest and switching, if you have to work at the computer for a long time, they train thinking, attention.

From the same series of puzzle games, games for speed of reaction, for example, computer table tennis.

Strategy games assume that the player controls the whole computer world - builds houses, conquers territories, extracts, for example, oil, gold.

There is a kind of computer games called "Quest". The bottom line is that the hero finds himself in some kind of difficult, confusing situation, or receives some kind of task, he will have an adventure. The task of the player is to unravel the mysteries, puzzles that accompany the adventure. Such games, as a rule, do not contain scenes of violence.

Such games can be good because they develop spatial thinking, memory. Such games can be based on real historical events - for example, the rise and fall of the Roman Empire, great wars. So with a competent approach, such games can arouse interest in history, make it possible to feel like a participant in events that take place a long time ago. The negative point of such games can be called the emerging illusion of omnipotence and the danger of escape from reality into a virtual illusory world.

In addition, almost all computer games have the following feature: at a certain stage of the game, you can save so that in case of failure (for example, the death of the hero), you can return and start over. In real life, there is no such possibility, but, unfortunately, children do not understand this - that we live without a draft, and sometimes what has been done cannot be corrected. The situation is worse with various "shooters".

The view on the screen, as a rule, corresponds to the view from one's own eyes, that is, the player does not just see the hero, but turns into him himself. At the same time, his task is to destroy as many enemies as possible. In such games, scenes of violence can really be destructive to the child's psyche, provoking children to aggressive behavior in real life. With the current level of graphics, the blood on the screen after the hero's shot may seem quite real.

The task of parents is to definitely prevent the appearance of such games in a child.

That is, computer addiction can have both negative and positive sides.

The possibilities of the computer are very great. It may not be just a typewriter or a slot machine. The Internet is really good for finding information, it is convenient to use e-mail. People with a limited social circle or with disabilities and just looking for like-minded people can use the Internet to communicate.

Communication takes place in the so-called "Chats". Chat is a place for communication. Chats can be thematic - for teenagers, for example, these are chats of fans of certain musical directions, or a chat simply called "from 12 to 18", or, for example, "chat for those who are sad."

Chat rooms attract with the ability to remain anonymous, the ability to talk on topics of interest. Although, of course, there can be no talk of deep communication.

Even a schoolchild, having mastered the basics of programming, can make his own page (website) on the Internet by posting some information there.

What advice would you give to parents who are concerned about their children's excessive involvement in computer games and the Internet?

Try to regulate the time your child spends at the computer. Try to take advantage of the positive capabilities of the computer - maybe the child will begin to master programming, web design (make websites on the Internet), take up computer graphics, animation - will make cartoons ...

But for this, the help of an interested adult is desirable, not just criticizing and forbidding, but helping.

It often happens that a seeming computer addiction can hide completely different problems. This is the failure of the child in real life, the inability to communicate, the so-called social inadequacy. Such a child feels comfortable in virtual reality. And then, first of all, you need to pay attention to the psychological problems of the child.

If earlier the coveted monitor in the family was a luxury, now the only personal computer is a mockery. And it really is! Personal computers literally fill the entire space: at work, at school, at home. A dozen years ago, children spent most of their time on the street, while fully communicating. Now the leisure of a child, and of any age, comes down to playing on a computer.

The Internet literally drags more and more new users into its "web". You can draw an analogy with drug addicts or alcoholics who become addicted to addiction. Internet addiction in children, despite its outward harmlessness, carries no less problems. Otherwise, it can be called a time bomb.

It's no secret that Internet addiction is gaining momentum, and the age is getting younger. Unfortunately, in modern times, parents in the pursuit of material wealth have no time to engage in the leisure of their own children, and therefore a careless attitude towards children's addiction subsequently costs quite a lot. Although the position of the parents in this regard is understandable - the child is not on the street in a dubious company, but sits and works on the computer.

Yes, of course there are advantages. You can get any information, applying it to improve your level of education. Only this direction is used to a minimum. The rest of the time children and teenagers spend playing games and in social networks. It is thanks to virtual communication that some children with complexes begin to feel more relaxed, which gives them confidence. However, this does not solve their problems when communicating in reality.

What happens to children and what danger is fraught with a long pastime at the monitor screen?

Is internet addiction dangerous for children?

It's not for nothing that a computer is compared to a time machine - I sat in front of it for five minutes - two hours were gone. And indeed, the sense of real time disappears, fatigue is observed, subsequently there is a sleep disturbance, a decrease in physical activity, and a deterioration in academic performance.

Observing children and adolescents, special services made unequivocal conclusions that a child should not be allowed to use PC before the age of three. The duration of work for children 3-5 years old is no more than half an hour, and up to 10 years old - only an hour. If a teenager spends more than 4 hours a day at the monitor screen, then this is a reason to sound the alarm. In this case, it is time for parents to think about their own family way of life and plan joint leisure in such a way that the child would have the desire to immerse himself in the virtual world as little as possible.

Unfortunately, parents often do not even have the slightest idea what games their child is playing. But the game is a game of strife. Modern computer entertainment fully reflects real life, in which there is already an overabundance of violence, cruelty and aggression. Why then be surprised that a teenager begins to behave somewhat inadequately. It is the unformed psyche of children and adolescents that is most susceptible to the influence of various factors, including the Internet.

Plunging more and more, as if into an abyss, on the Internet, the child becomes dependent on it. And this is easy to understand by some signs. If a teenager experiences anxiety without going online even for a short time, then it is already possible to state the fact of addiction.

Dear parents! Lend a helping hand to your own children! Once immersed in the fascinating world of the Internet, your child may no longer appear on the surface of our reality.

The main 5 types of Internet addiction:

1.1. endless web surfing - constant "journey" on the Internet in order to search for information.

2.2. addiction to virtual communication and virtual acquaintances, characterized by large volumes of correspondence, constant participation in chats, forums, redundancy of acquaintances and friends from the Internet.

3.3.gaming addiction - an obsessive passion for online games.

4.4. obsessive financial need - online gambling, unnecessary purchases in online stores.

5.5.cybersex addiction - an obsessive attraction to visiting porn sites.

Advice to parents

A child sitting at the monitor all day has an illusion of full employment: everyone has to answer, go through a couple more levels in the game, read friends' blog posts, etc. It turns out that he is not messing around at all, he is doing business . Another thing is that the child ceases to understand that if he does not immediately respond to the messages of a friend from the social network, the world will not collapse.

In addition, children copy their parents, because they work at the computer all day long. Again, the child does not understand that this is just a tool for making money.

Here are some tips for preventing Internet addiction in children:

1. Limit the amount of time children can spend on the Internet. Make sure your child is using the Web during homework time for learning and not for fun. Together with your child, make a detailed plan indicating what time spent at the computer is spent on. This will help reduce the time for thoughtlessly updating the page of classmates in anticipation of a new message, reading news for the sake of the reading process itself, etc.

2. Do not put the computer in the child's room. Set up a computer in the living room or in your room where you can easily control what your child is doing online. With the help of modern mobile phones, you can connect to the Web for communication, games and browsing sites. It does not matter which device the child will use to enter the virtual world. It is important to prevent virtual reality from becoming his home.

3. Find out what your child likes to do online. Some online games that take place in fantasy worlds with thousands of players around the world, such as World of Warcraft, are really exciting. There are cases when adults reached an extreme degree of exhaustion, unable to tear themselves away from their favorite game, not to mention such “little things” as divorces, job loss, etc. In addition, in many games, in order to be successful, you not only need to spend many hours a day in the game, you also need to invest real money in your character, exchanging it for in-game currency. Not having received money for the game from the parents, the child may cheat or steal.

4. Some children are prone to Internet addiction, eg children with distracted attention, depression, anxiety, social isolation. Such children need even more attention and control.

5. Do not set a bad example for children. Do not spend too much time at the computer, do not take a laptop or tablet with you out of town. Active rest with the whole family will help the child switch to real life. Keep your child occupied with other things, board games or sports. Find something for him to enjoy. Then the Internet will become a help in learning, an auxiliary means of finding information and communication, and not a way to escape from reality and escape from problems.

Ways to distract the child:

Physical education. If it is not possible to get out of town, for a picnic or a ski trip (depending on the season), some computer games (yes, computer games!) Can distract the child from sitting at the monitor.

For a computer or any modern game console, you can purchase a special rug, stepping on certain parts of which, the player makes the virtual character perform dance movements. As you progress through the levels, the dances speed up, the sequence of movements becomes more complicated. A few minutes of such a game will not only stretch the muscles and improve blood circulation, but will also serve as a good training for the child's coordination of movements and attentiveness. In addition, several children can compete by playing in turns.

Blocking. All popular browsers have built-in protection for children from unwanted information. You may need to set a password to change these settings. Without hesitation, blacklist the sites most visited by your child if you think that your child spends too much time on them.

You can do it easier: disconnect the cable connecting the monitor and the system unit, or turn off the power to the computer by pulling the plug from the outlet. And hide the wires. Then the child will simply have no choice and will have to do something else, for example, go to play with peers. And the craving for visiting your favorite sites will pass with time.

Professional help. If nothing helps, you should seek help from specialists. Various commercial centers have been operating in Russia for several years, specializing, among other things, in the problems of Internet addiction. In addition, professional psychological assistance can be obtained through ... the Internet. Many clinics have their own websites, in special sections, experts answer questions from visitors.

If your child can't get away from the computer, spends all his free time online or playing online toys, how can you tell if it's a pathological addiction?

Internet addiction can develop in a child for the following reasons:

• absence or lack of warm emotional relationships in the family;

• lack of friends, constant social circle;

• no other serious hobbies not related to the computer.

Internet addiction is expressed in an irresistible desire to return to the computer. This is the same addiction as alcohol, drugs or gambling, except that the consequences are not so severe. Adolescents completely lose the sense of real time, begin to decline in school performance and lose contact with friends. They are beginning to prefer online communication. When you try to ban, they react aggressively.

The main symptoms of Internet addiction are the occurrence of a bad mood, even depression, anxiety in the absence of the ability to connect to the virtual space.

But do not confuse with Internet addiction that a teenager uses the Internet as a means of finding information for study, a means of correspondence with real friends (ICQ) and an opportunity to relax (one or two hours of play).

If you understand that your child is addicted to the Internet, you do not need to restrict his access to the Internet with a scandal. Try to take your family somewhere in nature, to captivate him with some other activity, more or less similar to what he is fond of on the Internet. For example, if he spends hours pumping up a knight in one of the online games, talk to him about clubs involved in role-playing and historical activities. This is sports, and being outdoors, and finding friends.

And when a teenager is busy and passionate about something else, he has much less time left for the Internet, and the Internet itself becomes not an end, but a means.

How is gambling addiction formed?

Unlike alcohol, nicotine and drug addictions, there is no active ingredient in Internet addiction. However, the mechanism of addiction formation is exactly the same.

"The same adrenaline, serotonin, dopamine receptors work in the pleasure centers," says Makushkin, "however, this is not a chemical, but a purely mental addiction."

Risk factors

Of course, not every teenager who goes online becomes addicted. There are several risk factors, each of which can trigger addiction. Basically, they are similar to the risk factors for a teenager's dependence on alcohol or drugs.

The main factors are a hereditary tendency to form addictions, an unfavorable situation in the family, when the child is given too little or, on the contrary, too much attention from parents and the negative influence of peers.

Signs of addiction

“If the child is doing well in school, he is in a good mood and there are no deviations in behavior, there is no reason to worry,” says the psychiatrist.

If some of the listed signs are observed, it is worth worrying:

- an increase in the time spent at the computer,

- a decrease in school performance,

- loss of interest in what is happening around,

- sleep disorders,

- frequent mood swings,

- inappropriate behavior in response to a proposal to turn off the computer - up to a scandal.

Prevention

You can protect children from Internet addiction if you follow a few simple conditions.

1. Take time to communicate with your child. It is important that there is a trusting atmosphere in the family. When parents put their child at the keyboard so that he does not interfere with their business, they themselves open the door to addiction.

2. Be your child's guide to the Internet, not the other way around. “Parents should be a little ahead of their own child in the field of Internet development,” says Makushkin. You need to show your child all the possibilities of the network - and not just games and social networks.

3. Know what your child is doing online. It is important not to spy on a teenager - he must have the right to the inviolability of personal correspondence. “We don’t have this, and, for example, in some US states, children can sue their parents for reading their mail,” the specialist notes. Add your child as a friend on social networks and keep in touch on the Internet. At the same time, you will be aware of who he communicates with.

4. Take care of your child's leisure time. If a teenager has many interests and hobbies: books, sports, music, collecting, he will not have much time to wander aimlessly on the Internet, and there will be much more motivation to use the Internet for useful purposes.

An important point: these conditions must be met even before the moment your child sits down at the computer for the first time, and not when he cannot be pulled out of the network by the ears.

Most important

The Internet is an important tool for finding information, learning and communicating. In order for the child not to go headlong “into the net”, parents will have to find time to communicate with their son or daughter and make sure that their life and leisure are exciting and versatile.

Computer children.

Computer addiction is a painful condition that entails a violation of psychological and behavioral functions. It manifests itself in both children, adolescents and adults.

Dependence can be defined as follows: if the relationship to the game is controlled (the person came, played and left), then everything is in order; if instead of the scheduled hour - plays a few without a break, then this is a problem.

Deprivation of the opportunity to play leads to depression. Children abandon their studies, sports, live communication, and in the end they cease to belong to themselves.

How not to become a gamer?

- Do not allow the child to play one game;

- Control the time at the computer;

- Talk more with your child, be interested in his impressions, focus on impressions from real life events. Then he himself will understand that life around him is more interesting than superficial impressions of the computer world.

What should I do if my child becomes addicted?

- Swearing, moralizing, prohibitions will not help. The child will act out of spite.

- Pick up the computer - turn it against you.

- Talk about your feelings and concerns.

- Attending circles, sections, trainings, courses.

- Develop a variety of interests, take more care of the child.

How to protect your child?

- Install the computer not in the children's room, but in the common room so that you can keep track of what it is used for.

- Ask to explain, show how the Internet works.

- Communicate with him as discreetly as possible during your "network trip". This will help to find out what he is doing at the moment.

- Teach him to show you everything that causes him any inconvenience when communicating on the Internet, or causes doubt, fear. Explain that:

- Do not leave your home address, phone number, school number to people from the Internet.

- you can't meet new friends without informing adults.

- you need to leave the chat if the conversation becomes threatening.

Food for thought!

If a child sits at the monitor day and night, psychologists advise first to look for the roots of the problem in the family. Perhaps the parents are more busy with their own affairs, so the child seeks to get away from worrying about the inattention of adults to the virtual world.

Prevention and overcoming of violations in the behavior of the child.

Violations Manifestation Cause Educational methods and techniques

Disobedience - refusal to obey someone (father, mother, other family members) Non-fulfillment of the daily routine adopted in the family, refusal to perform work duties, assignments, lessons

• Giving a child impossible or mutually exclusive demands (orders).

• Violation of the ethics of communication (carelessly spoken word) and norms of behavior.

Inconsistency in the requirements of parents and family members to the child.

• Non-pedagogical methods of education.

• Lack of parental attention.

• Lack of trust or affection between child and parents.

• Prevalence of punishments over rewards

• Don't scold, don't lecture often.

• Don't consider a child's disobedience out of the ordinary.

• Express disappointment about his deed, action, mistake.

• Speak kindly without reproaching or raising your voice.

• Show love and attention

Aggressiveness - actions aimed at causing moral, psychological, physical damage or harm to others anger, hatred, hostility, stubbornness. Crying, screaming, deliberate disobedience, scattering things and toys, attempts to hit parents, other family members • Authoritarian parenting style.

• Deformation of the value system of family members.

• Omissions in the moral education of children.

• Imitation of film and video characters.

• Feelings of hunger and fatigue.

• Too many restrictions on the child.

• Aspiration to assert oneself • To form emotional stability

and volitional regulation of actions and behaviour.

• Engage in interpersonal relationships.

• Learn to understand the experiences of others; identify yourself with the Other person, change your opinion and position, comparing them with the opinions and positions of other people in order to overcome selfishness.

• Create a calm, friendly atmosphere in the family.

• Make demands in a variety of ways that respect the child's personality.

• Reasonably apply the methods of encouragement and punishment, taking into account the psycho-physiological and gender and age characteristics of children.

• Restrain outbursts of anger and irritation when evaluating the child's actions and actions,

• Show love

Stubbornness - intransigence, the desire to achieve one's own contrary to common sense Angry, anger, resistance, insisting that only the child wants

• Violation of parent-child relationship.

• Inability to support a child in a difficult situation.

• Ignoring the interests and needs of the child.

• Establishing parental authority by force • Be firm and persistent without getting angry or in a bad mood.

• Do not humiliate a child.

• Do not use coercion.

• Postponing the resolution of the controversial problem for some time,

• Involving the child's friends in the resolution of the controversial problem.

• Control oneself and one's actions

Caprice-whim, manifestation of an unusual state deviation from usual normal behavior Violent manifestation of anger, crying, screaming, stamping feet, rolling on the floor, attempts to bite, scratch, kick, spit, throwing things and objects , slamming the door • Carelessly spoken words of family members,

• Lack of demands from adults.

• Negative reaction of parents to whims.

• painful condition.

• Excessive parental love.

• Unquestioning fulfillment by parents of all the wishes and whims of the child.

• Manifestation of protest in a situation of unreasonable suppression by adults of independence and initiative of the child.

• Overexcitation of the child's nervous system • It is reasonable to organize the child's daily routine.

• Create a healthy moral and psychological atmosphere in the family.

• Be moderately demanding.

• To develop in the child the habit of considering the opinions and interests of other people.

• Maintain sleep, diet, etc.

Eliminate the source of impressions.

• Distract the child from what caused the whim (hug, pat on the head, kiss, show kindness).

• Show calmness and indifference at the moment of whim.

• Avoid threats, reproaches, violence, physical punishment.

• Talk calmly and kindly to the child after he calms down and comes to his senses.

• Show love

Hyperactivity - (Greek: hyper - from above - involuntary movements in violation of the nervous system Excessive mobility; inability to concentrate for a long time (reaction to movement, sounds, light) • Use of alcohol and drugs by mothers during pregnancy.

• Complications of pregnancy and childbirth,

• Somatic diseases in early childhood

• Physical and mental injuries

• Disorders of the central nervous system

• Stress and overwork of the mother • Reasonably organize the daily routine.

• Set aside a separate room or corner for the child.

• Create a calm environment for your child's homework.

• Anticipate conflict situations.

• Choose games that promote concentration, endurance, coordination of movements.

• to maintain the slightest manifestations of positive behavior.

• avoid frequent punishment

Reclusion - secrecy, remoteness, aloofness, aloofness uncommunicative Taciturnity, reticence, secrecy and isolation • Authoritarian style of family upbringing.

• Individual psychological and gender and age characteristics.

• Lack of education in institutions (children's sleep, boarding school).

• How to protect yourself from adult overprotection • Be patient and tactful in playing and interacting with children.

• Establish friendships through play, work and leisure activities.

• Include the child in various collective activities (games, competitions, contests, performances).

• Show affection and love

Violations Manifestation Cause Educational methods and techniques Anger - a feeling of strong indignation, indignation

Manifestation of aggressiveness, crying, screaming, beating dishes, throwing books, toys, animal, younger brother or sister, use of offensive words and expressions

• Failure to meet the needs of the child.

• Insult.

• Use of coercion and punishment.

• Violation of the ethics of relationships and communication.

• Unfair treatment of a child.

• State of illness

• Be calm when the child is angry.

• Do not punish.

• Leave alone for a while.

• Distract the child from what causes anger

Pugnacity - the child's tendency to physical clashes, fights

Violent actions against younger brothers, sisters, animals, fights with children on the street and at school

• Desire to attract the attention of father, mother, other family members.

•Rivalry between children.

• Harassment of younger siblings by a stronger older child.

• Lack of justice in the family towards children.

•Lack of control over the observance of discipline and order in the family

• Find out the cause of the fight.

• Move the children to their rooms, allowing them to calm down.

•Deprive TV, computer for a while.

• Give errands around the house.

• Establish requirements to protect the rights of each child.

• Establish a rule so that the family does not make fun of others in an evil and hurtful way.

• Do not allow an older child to tease a younger one.

• To be fair and impartial mediators in children's quarrels

Theft - a tendency to steal other people's things and money

Depending on age, it can manifest itself as theft of toys, things, money, food, sporting goods, mobile phones, bicycles • A child's dream to have a cherished thing.

• Desire to give gifts to friends.