How to calm a child with separation anxiety

How to Ease Your Child’s Separation Anxiety

Ages & Stages

By: Wendy Sue Swanson, MD, MBE, FAAP

Separation anxiety varies WIDELY between children. Some babies become hysterical when mom is out of sight for a very short time, while other children seem to demonstrate ongoing anxiety at separations during infancy, toddlerhood, and preschool.

To all you working parents

The trick for surviving separation anxiety demands preparation, brisk transitions, and the evolution of time. I would suggest we parents suffer as much as our children do when we leave. Even though we are often reminded that our children stop crying within minutes of our leave-taking, how many of you have felt like you’re "doing it all wrong" when your child clings to your legs, sobs for you to stay, and mourns the parting?

As a working parent, separation anxiety creates questions for me. Although it is an entirely normal behavior and a beautiful sign of a meaningful attachment, separation anxiety can be exquisitely unsettling for us all.

Here are facts about separation anxiety and tips to improve the transitions I’ve learned the hard way (I’ve made about every mistake):

Facts about separation anxiety

Infants: Separation anxiety develops after a child gains an understanding of object permanence. Once your infant realizes you’re really gone (when you are), it may leave them unsettled. Although some babies display object permanence and separation anxiety as early as 4 to 5 months of age, most develop more robust separation anxiety at around 9 months. The leave- taking can be worse if your infant is hungry, tired, or not feeling well. Keep transitions short and routine if it’s a tough day.
Toddlers: Many toddlers skip separation anxiety in infancy and start demonstrating challenges at 15 or 18 months of age. Separations are more difficult when children are hungry, tired, or sick—which is most of toddlerhood! As children develop independence during toddlerhood, they may become even more aware of separations. Their behaviors at separations will be loud, tearful, and difficult to stop.
Preschoolers: By the time children are 3 years of age, most clearly understand the effect their anxiety or pleas at separation have on us. It doesn’t mean they aren’t stressed, but they certainly are vying for a change. Be consistent; don’t return to the room based on a child’s plea, and certainly don’t cancel plans based on separation anxiety. Your ongoing consistency, explanations, and diligence to return when you say you will are key.

How to survive separation anxiety

Create quick good-bye rituals. Even if you have to do major-league- baseball–style hand movements, give triple kisses at the cubby, or provide a special blanket or toy as you leave, keep the good-bye short and sweet. If you linger, the transition time does too. So will the anxiety.
Be consistent. Try to do the same drop-off with the same ritual at the same time each day you separate to avoid unexpected factors whenever you can. A routine can diminish the heartache and will allow your child to simultaneously build trust in her independence and in you.
Attention: When separating, give your child full attention, be loving, and provide affection. Then say good-bye quickly despite their antics or cries for you to stay.
Keep your promise. You’ll build trust and independence as your child becomes confident in her ability to be without you when you stick to your promise of return. The biggest mistake I ever made in this regard was returning to class to "visit" my son about an hour after a terrible transition. I was missing him, and although the return was well intended, I not only extended the separation anxiety, we started all over again in the process. When I left the second time (and subsequent days) it was near nuclear.
Be specific, child style. When you discuss your return, provide specifics that your child understands. If you know you’ll be back by 3:00 pm, tell it to your child on their terms; for example, say, "I’ll be back after nap time and before afternoon snack." Define time they can understand. Talk about your return from a business trip in terms of "sleeps." Instead of saying, "I’ll be home in 3 days," say, "I’ll be home after 3 sleeps."
Practice being apart. Ship the children off to grandma’s home, schedule playdates, allow friends and family to provide child care for you (even for an hour) on the weekend. Before starting child care or preschool, practice going to school and your good-bye ritual before you even have to part ways. Give your child a chance to prepare, experience, and thrive in your absence!

It’s rare that separation anxiety persists on a daily basis after the preschool years. If you’re concerned that your child isn’t adapting to being without you, chat with the pediatrician. Your pediatrician has certainly helped support families in the same situation and can help calm your unease and determine a plan to support both of you!

More information

Top Tips for Surviving Tantrums
Making Drop Off at Child Care Easier
Preparing Your Child for Child Care

About Dr. Swanson

Wendy Sue Swanson, MD, MBE, FAAP, who serves on the American Academy of Pediatrics Council on Communications and Media, is author of Mama Doc Medicine: Finding Calm and Confidence in Child Health, Parenting, and World-Life Balance.

The information contained on this Web site should not be used as a substitute for the medical care and advice of your pediatrician. There may be variations in treatment that your pediatrician may recommend based on individual facts and circumstances.

Separation Anxiety: Dos and Don'ts to Help Your Child (and you) Be Brave

Crying children clinging desperately to legs, arms, and necks. Parents trying to console young ones while fighting back their own tears. Cadets trying to keep order. Bells sounding. Panic. Screams.

While these words could describe some rare, chaotic scene, they also describe the normal start of every school day for many families around the world. Emotions run high, especially now, as summer comes to a close and kids head into classrooms, some of them for the first time.

Sure, it’s hard to find a child that’s excited about back to school. Certainly there are some who are happy about seeing friends again, and some who see a new grade level as a rite of passage, but when you get down to it, most would pick a summer without homework over early morning bus rides and math class. But for so many kids, their raw emotions go well beyond back-to-school blues, and their panic-stricken faces have nothing to do with math. They’re dealing with separation anxiety.

Furthermore, the kids aren’t the only ones panicking! Caregivers, too, scrabble to find the right words, the right thing to say or do to ease their child’s fears. It’s not easy to know how to fix it. But there are some approaches that are more helpful than others, and there are also some things you may have been doing that are less helpful than you think.

What is separation anxiety?

The first thing to know is that separation anxiety in children is normal. Like other forms of anxiety, it served a very useful evolutionary function: it kept kids close to those who would protect them against the very real dangers of a prehistoric world. And it continues to protect them from threats today. Kids’ brains are naturally programmed to fear distance from their parents. And parents, you, too, are wired to feel anxious when your babies aren’t close, when they’re out-of-site and under someone else’s supervision. The object is to recognize when there are no real dangers, and to know when to let go of the anxiety, not eliminate it.

Of course, there are some more severe cases when a child experiences abnormal levels of separation anxiety. If the anxiety interferes with friendships, results in sustained physical illness, if the child refuses to go to school, or if the anxieties are no longer age-appropriate, a doctor may diagnose separation anxiety disorder and cultivate a treatment plan.

But here’s the good news: normal levels of separation anxiety are much more common and can be managed at home with a little planning and patience.

Enough already … what can I do?!?

Let’s face it: these tools are just as much about helping you as they are about helping your child. It hurts to see them sad, and nothing makes you feel worse as a parent than walking away from your baby when he or she is in tears. You instinct is to fix quickly and comfort. However, if you focus on a plan to help them get stronger and more resilient, as opposed to “fixing” their fear, you’ll both feel better in the long run.

Dos and Don’ts

DO start talking about what’s about to happen before it happens. Make a plan. Is it the first day of school that has them worried? Start talking about it a week before, including details about how you’ll pick them up again at the end of the day. Start a countdown calendar to give them perspective on when school actually starts. Has it already started? Talk about each upcoming day during bedtime the night before. Help them prepare their backpacks, pick out an outfit, select their lunch items, all in advance. See where this is going? The fewer surprises, the better.

DON’T introduce the idea of worry or fear if they’re not showing any signs of those emotions. Maybe they’re just fine marching into the school. If they are, try not to say things like “are you nervous about your first day?” or “you’re so brave to go off on your own!” If they didn’t think they should be nervous before, they’re to start wondering about the reasons they should be.

DO show them their school environments before they need to go on their own. Is there a playground outside for recesses? Bring them there to play some evening. Is there an open house or a meet the teacher night? Take advantage so you can walk into the building with them and help them get familiar. “Look here’s the locker where you can keep your coat,” or “it looks like the bathroom is right down this hallway, and the sinks are just your size.” Meeting the school staff and seeing their space can help with your anxiety, too.

DON’T go overboard. Set a healthy limit for the amount of hand-holding your child can expect from you. Perhaps you introduce him or her to the new teacher or caregiver, but you encourage the child to walk up and say goodbye on their own. Once you’ve shown them their locker, ask them to remind you where it was. By pulling back just enough in the right places, you’re teaching them that they’re capable of short bursts of independence. You may need to remind them of those victories later.

DO create a goodbye routine and stick to it. You can do this in advance, also. Maybe it’s a secret handshake. Maybe it’s a kiss on the cheek that you assure them will stay there all day. Maybe you give them a coin or a small stuffie that they can give back to you when you pick them up. Whatever routine you decide on, the most important thing is to leave when it’s done, and not get baited into staying longer, or doing the routine again, or giving one last hug. Set the expectation that goodbye means goodbye … until you see them after school.

DON’T linger too long. Perhaps we just made this point, but it’s worth emphasizing. Nobody doubts the pain of walking away from your child if he or she is upset and scared. But they’re smart, and if you linger, they’ll learn quickly that their tears mean you won’t leave. Nobody is suggesting that the tears aren’t genuine; they really are upset, and that’s perfectly normal. That said, if they have an option between clinging to you, or learning their own skills of independence and resilience, they’ll likely choose you … and they’ll know the tears will keep you there.

DO your best to appear calm and in control of your own emotions. Even if your heart is burning inside. Even if this is your youngest baby and she’s going off to school and next thing you know she’ll be moving out and you just can’t help but be sad. Try to keep it all on the inside. Put on a brave face and show your child that everything is under control. Hiding emotions from kids isn’t always a best practice, but remember, this is about helping them feel secure without you. They don’t want to leave you while you’re crying any more than you want to leave them.

DON’T sneak out when they’re not looking. I know the temptation is there; “he’s not crying now and his back is turned and if I just slip out now we can avoid tears.” Seems logical enough. Until you remember that this is about building long-term resilience, and not about short-term avoidance. Once they figure out you’ve snuck out on them, they’ll go into the next day with less trust and more fear.

DO help them feel comfortable with their emotions. Again, some level of separation anxiety is very normal. Tell them it’s natural. Explain to them how some fear can keep them safe from danger. Then, reassure them that they WILL be safe and you’ll return for them, all without belittling their fears. “I understand you’re worried and that’s okay. But I promise that I’ll be there when school ends, just like I’m here when you wake up every morning.” There are some great children’s books on the subject also. Reading a book like The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn is a great way for your child to connect a character’s emotions to their own, normalizing the experience for them.

DON’T lure them with rewards or threaten them with consequences. “If you stop crying and get through your day, I’ll buy you ice cream,” or “if you don’t go in there, then no TV for you tonight,” may seem like reasonable strategies, but rewards and consequences are tools for dealing with behavior, and separation anxiety isn’t a behavior. It’s a natural, instinctual reaction that they will learn to control with help and support.

DO give them calming language and logic to talk to their own brains. “Let’s take a breath together. I know you feel afraid right now. That’s normal. Your brain is telling you to be afraid. Remember how we talked about anxiety? Let’s look around together. Do you see anything to fear? Does anything look dangerous to you right now? I see your teacher and we know he’s nice because we met him. I see other children your age, and some of them are playing games. Can you point and show me any danger? Is it possible your brain is tricking you into thinking there is danger when there is really not? Let’s take one more breath together, and then we’ll be ready to do our secret handshake, and I’ll see you again in this same spot when school is done.”

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8 Sign of Anxiety in Children that Show Up as Something Else

Separation from parents: how to help a child survive it

The long-awaited summer vacation is a rest from all worries. Trips to the sea, to the village, camp or hiking. The time when the child needs to gain strength before the autumn time of schools and kindergartens comes. Very often we focus only on the upcoming load and completely forget that any separation from home is always a stress factor. Today we will talk about how to survive the anxiety of separation and make sure that it does not interfere not only with children's rest, but also with admission to kindergarten or school. nine0003

Parting is not forever. How to survive a long separation?

Until a certain age, the child reacts to separation in an extremely acute way. Even a few minutes spent alone are perceived by him as a direct threat to life. Mom cannot even be allowed to go to the kitchen. Separation anxiety naturally decreases with age. Children grow up and begin to perceive differently not only their safety, but also the passage of time. A couple of hours without mom and dad no longer turns into a terrible "forever". They begin to understand and remember that their parents will never leave them, they will not leave them anywhere. A little more time will pass, and as teenagers, they will rather experience the joy of being left alone. Total freedom and no fear. But even in this period, being far from a familiar and safe home, children can not only feel sad, but rather hard to experience adaptation to a new place. Two tasks that will help you survive a breakup look like this: nine0003

keep in touch and remind yourself;
nourish the child before and after separation with your attention.

It does not matter at all whether your child went to the camp, or went to the village to his beloved grandmother. Be sure to use all available means of communication. This is what will fulfill the condition of the first paragraph. Call, write messages, send emoticons, say hello through adults who are now replacing you. If your child already knows how to read, communicate using regular letters. A small child can draw pictures and stick stickers that convey your feelings. Let them help maintain a sense of connection with you and his home. nine0003

About two weeks before the upcoming separation, young children should be carefully prepared for this moment. To pronounce the departure in detail, to remind that this is not forever. Explain the pros and pleasant moments that await on this trip. Orient your baby to joyful new experiences and opportunities that will open up before him. “There will be adults who can be trusted next to you. They will take care of you. You can always contact us and tell us about your well-being. Your house will not disappear anywhere, it will be waiting for your return. Together we will wait for you rested and cheerful.” nine0003

Set yourself and your child up so that both of you are sure: the rest will not just be good, but great.

Returning to where you are expected is very important for a person of any age. After the child returns home, try to demonstrate your love to him in an enhanced mode. Hug him twice as often. Go for walks, communicate more and spend time together.

Separated from mother.

How to prepare for kindergarten?

The process of getting used to kindergarten often takes much longer than parents plan. And it does not matter at all whether the child goes there for the first time or not. This is not just a new place with new people, but always a rather stressful period that requires the patience of all parties involved. nine0003

Try to imagine that tomorrow is coming. You are dressed, collected and taken to a completely different apartment. You won't be able to leave. The only option is to stay there for as long as it takes. There are those in the apartment who should be obeyed. There are people you may not like. There is a clear schedule and almost none of your personal belongings. Even with the most favorable option, it will be difficult for you, an adult, to immediately adapt to a new life. It will be even more difficult to do this when this house will be constantly replaced again by your old habitual dwelling. nine0003

Approximately these conditions fall into children who are going to be sent to kindergarten. Just keep in mind that some of them are still poorly oriented in time and cannot even approximately understand when their parents will return for them. Stranger adults and peers unfamiliar nearby cannot become familiar and safe to him in five minutes. The separation overlap should be directed at just these points. We need to make the walls of the kindergarten become a kind of second home, where everything around is perceived calmly and safely. nine0003

The first thing to do is to introduce the baby to him from afar a few months before going to kindergarten. You can walk past the building several times a week, show the playground. Tell how interesting it is to go and play there. It's great if you manage to agree with the administration of the institution on walks at the appropriate time in the garden. By doing this, you will significantly reduce the child’s anxiety, and, quite possibly, he will find new friends for himself even before he starts going to his group. The first weeks after entering kindergarten, the child should be taken there only for a couple of hours. It is very important not only to introduce him to the teacher, but to do everything so that she is associated with an absolutely safe, caring adult. Explain to the child that this person is now responsible for him. You can and should turn to her for any help. Try to create as much trust as possible between them. It is easier to do this than it seems, but only on the condition that you really trust this person yourself. Otherwise, what's the point of leaving a child with him? nine0003

The rules in groups are different, and it is not always possible to leave parents in class. But hardly anyone will forbid you to sit outside the door. It is important for the baby to know that this place is safe. Here no one will leave him or offend him. Yes, most likely, every ten minutes you will watch your child run back and forth from the group to the corridor to make sure you have stayed in place. Don't worry, it's a matter of time. When he is really calm in the garden, the need will disappear by itself. After a week (and in some cases two) of the baby's adaptation in a new place, you can try to fully leave him for the first time. Be sure to talk about these moments with your child. Say goodbye when you leave. Remind him to meet soon. The first times it is better to leave no more than 30 minutes. Then gradually increase the time. Do not hurry. Even if adaptation will require several months from you, remember: the child will end up going to the garden for several years. nine0003

Arrange your baby's locker so that he associates not only with his personal space, but also with you, your common activities. It is very convenient to use ready-made options: a pocket in a locker for a kindergarten with a pattern for girls, a pocket in a locker for a kindergarten with a pattern for boys. They should definitely be complemented by your design. Stick together beautiful figures and stickers: Dress It Up "Flower", stickers for children.

The very beautiful Dress It Up Buttons and Figurines "Boy's Games" set and the Dress It Up "Walking" buttons and figurines set, which is more suitable for girls, will help you not only create an original and different design, but also have a nice time with your child. nine0003

A whole series of decorative elements that the baby will definitely like. A locker is not just a place for things. This is personal space. It must of course be signed. For this, voluminous “Letters” stickers are perfect, with the help of which you can make up any name.

Spend a few hours decorating hanging pockets and a cabinet together. And then, going for a walk in the garden, the child will be happy to once again cast his eyes on him. You will get more than just an aesthetically pleasing place in which things are stored. This will be a real “anchor” for the psyche, able to reduce anxiety from separation, reminding you of your mother. Leave surprises and small gifts in it. You can buy a cute set of pet figures or a more boy-friendly set of Dinosaur figures and slip them discreetly into your clothes. Draw cute pictures, put small souvenirs. It is very convenient if it is a whole series of small coloring pages: a set of coloring pages in pockets "Barbie", "Cars". There are six books in the set, which are part of the whole collection. nine0003

Left: Sweet Cupcake Photo Frames. Right: photo frame "Ladybug"

A small photo of your parents that you can carry with you or leave in your briefcase is a great help to survive the sadness of being separated from your mom or dad. The photo frame must be durable, and it is better to remove the transparent glass included in the kit: decorative photo frame "Sweet Cupcake", decorative photo frame "Frog", decorative photo frame "Ladybug". “Every time we part, my love stays with you. If you feel very sad, just take out my photo and remember: we will definitely see you soon.” nine0003

Very often in the garden itself, the child behaves calmly and cheerfully. But as soon as he crosses the threshold of the apartment, he starts crying, throwing himself on the floor, throwing things and falling into a state of hysterics. This is not at all because his home has now become a hated place. Everything is the opposite. Home, family are symbols of security. A place where you can express yourself naturally. It is there that you can exhale, show all the emotions that have accumulated inside. Thus, a sharp change in the behavior of a child is a discharge of the nervous system. If it occurs in an affective form over many months, it is worth considering: why does such an amount of nervous tension accumulate in your absence? Talk to the teachers, ask them about the baby's well-being. If the conditions around are as comfortable as possible, but there is no improvement in the condition, you should reduce the time spent in the garden. Try to arrange an extra day off and the most effective rest. Less gadgets and intellectual loads. More quiet games, your attention and sleep. nine0003

Fill your children's library with books that will help you better prepare for kindergarten. Funny, light poems collected in the book "Stop - Kindergarten" will introduce the baby to his new place of residence so that anxiety is quickly replaced by interest. Another story that will tell about the arrangement of a kindergarten using the example of other children: "Masha and Misha go to kindergarten." Bunny Styopa was no exception either. It's not worth worrying. He will tell about his experiences and what awaits him in a new place in a nice book "Bunny Styopa goes to kindergarten." nine0003

The book "Stop - Kindergarten". Publishing house "ENAS-BOOK"

A fairy tale that will produce a real therapeutic effect: "I'm going to kindergarten!". This book is part of a series specifically designed to help you adapt to stressful situations.

The beautifully illustrated book When I Worry can help your child understand their feelings and cope with fear. She will explain to the child not only his emotions, but also ways to cope with them.

For those who flatly refuse to go to kindergarten, there is a story about a restless bunny: "Bunny Seva does not want to go to kindergarten." A useful fairy tale with leading questions at the end, compiled by professional psychologists. nine0003

Study without anxiety. How to accompany a child to school?

School time similarly brings with it a number of significant changes in the life of a newly minted student. Sometimes even high school students cannot quickly get used to a sharp change in the regime and schedule of life. Try to soften this moment by gradually accustoming the child to the school schedule. A month before school, his sleep-wake schedule should slowly and calmly approach the school day. Despite the fact that younger students experience separation from their parents much more calmly, the level of separation anxiety in some of them can still increase significantly. The transition to a different level of emotional and intellectual stress, a large number of new people around, a period of peer orientation and socialization do not contribute to this state. On the contrary, they only strengthen it. nine0003

When taking your child to school, put not only textbooks and notebooks in his briefcase. May your good wishes always lie among them. You can buy a special beautiful notebook that a teenager will like, and supplement it daily with warm phrases or parting words: a cute “Notebook with unicorns. Rainbow perspectives. Miracles don't happen? And what about me?" or "Notepad. It's not charismatic!" with popular characters from the Rick and Morty series.

Hug your student before leaving. Just do it in a way that doesn't cause typical teenage embarrassment and resentment. Be considerate of his feelings and respect his boundaries. You can always just smile goodbye and wave your hand. Remember that the child gets tired even when the classes were easy and interesting. Let the return home be primarily associated with the opportunity to relax and rest. The best indicator of school readiness is the child's motivation. When school life is associated not only with a new workload and lessons, but also with new interesting people, the joy of buying a new stationery, an important stage of growing up, everything becomes much easier and more fun. Let the child choose a briefcase, pens, notebooks. Make it so that going to school (in any class) means not only the end of summer fun, but also joyful moments of something new. nine0003

Put your child with something that will remind him of home. It can be a small toy, a key chain, a souvenir. Let it lie in a pocket, without interfering with the educational process, and in moments of anguish cheer up the child with its associative range. It is best to focus on your favorite heroes of this age. Let the souvenir be really pleasant. The most popular options for teenagers are the characters of the animated series Gravity Falls, Steven Universe, Rick and Morty, The Amazing World of Gumble. This four, today, is the most popular selection of TV shows for children of primary and secondary school age. Every second child will be delighted with the Gravity Falls stationery series. You can break the set of Gravity Falls icons into separate components and once a week discreetly put one icon into your briefcase pocket. Little things like that can go a long way in helping a child cope with stress, reduce anxiety, and feel better. nine0003

A series of books that will tell not only children but also adults how to prepare for school so that it is no longer a stress factor: "How to go to school with pleasure" and "How to study with interest." Both copies were created by professional psychologists and will take their rightful place in your library. It is useful to read them not only to parents of first-graders, but also to those whose children have been going to school for a long time.

A lot depends on what happens in the soul of adults when they leave their beloved child. The most bitter tears in kindergarten, suffering at school and camping trips very often occur only because parents themselves cannot cope with separation. If you worry too much, be sure: a child of any age counts these feelings and, of course, will begin to worry too. The people you trust with your baby should always meet all your requirements. You must be really sure that he is in an absolutely safe place. He will always be taken care of. Nobody will hurt him. Seeing off your beloved child, leave all fears far behind. Let him take with him only your confidence, love and tranquility. After all, any separation is, first of all, the joy of the upcoming meeting. nine0003

See also:

"The Great and Terrible ADHD"
"My little bastard. Children's aggression»
Taboo words. How to talk to children on difficult topics "
"How to talk to a child about death: advice from a psychologist"

advice to parents - Child development

Separation anxiety or, more simply, the fear of separation from parents is a rather complex phenomenon in children. But at the same time, this is a normal part of the development process of the child. Let's look at some recommendations on how children and parents can get through this difficult stage. nine0003

If you have ever doubted your own importance, try to sneak away from your child while he draws. In an instant, the carelessness of the child will be replaced by anxiety, he will begin to cry or scream. At this point, you will understand that the child is completely dependent on you for everything related to his safety, communication and life in general.

This can be pleasant, especially if you are haunted by existential thoughts, such as "What am I doing with my life while I am young?" or “My daughter loves her mom more than me because her mom does things with her and spends more time with her.” Nearby there is a small person who adores you so much that he does not allow you to move a single step away from him, and you feel good about it. You feel special. nine0003

Of course, there are some disadvantages. Many parents have experienced them.

1. This brings inconvenience and sometimes even annoyance

This sounds terrible when it comes to the attachment of a child to parents. But how else to call the heart-rending cries of a child every time you move away from him literally a couple of meters?

2. It makes you feel guilty

You can rush to work. You may need to go to another room to talk to someone on the phone. Finally, you may just need to go to the toilet or take a shower. But, if you try to move away from the child even a few steps, he will lose his temper. And you will feel just terrible. Of course, the educational process often causes a feeling of guilt in parents. You probably made some mistakes in raising a child. But, when you can’t move away from the child even a single step and at the same time feel guilty - this is already too much. nine0003

3. It hurts the child

In addition to feeling uncomfortable and guilty, separation anxiety causes panic in the child. Imagine that you are scuba diving and realize that your scuba tank has run out of oxygen. This is how a child feels when experiencing separation anxiety.

Separation anxiety is a rather difficult test for a child. But this is also a normal stage in the development of a child, so both you and the child need to live through it. However, experiencing separation anxiety does not mean encouraging it. Your ultimate goal is to show your child that he is safe even when you leave, not to let the child control your every move. nine0003

Of course, not all parents share this opinion. Some believe that the attachment of children to their parents makes both happy. But think about it: can this really be called an ideal family relationship? The child's attachment to you is really very important, but nothing bad will happen if you do your own thing from time to time and leave the child alone. In the end, other things besides affection in a relationship with a child are important, for example, trust (the child must believe that you will return when you left) and understanding that there are other people who can take care of him. nine0003

Explain to the child that you can leave for a while, but you will definitely return. There are many ways to do this: act out a scene with dolls or stuffed animals, tell a child a story about parting and returning, or simply say to him the phrase: "Mom always comes back. " If these methods are not enough, contact your pediatrician for advice on how to deal with your child's separation anxiety.

To help your child cope with situational anxiety, follow these guidelines:

1. Do not try to distract your child so that you can leave the room unnoticed

If you leave your child with a nanny or grandmother, you may be tempted to sneak out of the house while the child is doing something. This may save you from having to be present when the child has a tantrum, but your disappearance will be too sudden for him.

2. If you say goodbye to the child, do not return to comfort him

This is confusing to the child (he may think that this behavior of his can make you stay). In addition, you yourself risk being late. nine0003

3. Keep a happy expression on your face

Yes, you may be under a lot of stress at this moment, but don't show it. He will not understand that your stress is caused by conflicting feelings - love, guilt and disappointment.