How long should you date before introducing your child

How and When to Introduce Your New Partner to Your Kids

Too soon? Kids will be confused, jealous, angry or sad.

Source: Photo by Ricardo Ferreira from Pexels

Nine-year-old Tina (not her real name) confides that her dad has a new girlfriend, Lucy, and that she came over for dinner last night. “Lucy sat in my chair, I’m always next to Daddy, and he didn’t tell her it was my seat.” Tina sobs as she relates this to me.

Jenny, who’s 14, tells me that meeting Mom’s new boyfriend was “annoying.” “He tries too hard to be funny, and watching them snuggle on the couch was gross,” she says.

Jon, 16, says he retreated to his room and blasted the music his dad hates when his dad calls him out to meet the new girlfriend. “No way am I ready for that,” he says angrily. He refuses to leave his room.

After a divorce, it is normal to want to date, explore new relationships or find a new love. You might want to show yourself that you’re still attractive or worthy of loving attention. You may think you are ready to “move on.”

The problem is that your children generally aren’t ready to move on, nor are they ready for you to reconstruct the family with a new partner.

How will you know when your children are ready?

The research tells us that waiting until they are ready improves the chances of your new relationship’s success. If your kids aren’t ready they may sabotage the relationship or reject the new partner (or you). If they feel jealous or threatened by the attention you are giving a new love, they may act out behaviorally or shut down, depressed.

When drafting parenting plans with divorcing parents, I often suggest waiting until the new relationship has been a committed relationship of at least 9-12 months duration, after the divorce is over. Many parents resist this recommendation. I explain that this gives everyone time to adjust to a new parenting schedule and the children have the time to grieve the loss of the family as they knew it. Furthermore, if your new relationship doesn’t work out, it will be another loss for your kids, especially if they have become attached to your new partner.

Most dating relationships end before 9-12 months, so exposing your kids to a new love early on means your children risk experiencing one loss after another. Over time, the losses can affect your children’s future mental health and wellbeing, success in relationships, and your relationship with them.

Parents say to me:

“It’s too hard to only see my new partner during my off-duty time.”
“I want to share my joy with my children.”
“Janice really wants to meet my kids, and I want to see how she likes them before we go further…”
“I just know my kids will love him. He’s so different from their dad.”
“I know my kids want to see me happy, and I want to show them what a real loving relationship is supposed to look like.”

Why these justifications won’t work

“It’s too hard to only see my new partner during my off-duty time. ” Your kids didn’t choose the divorce. They are probably seeing less of you now than before the marriage ended. Seeing less of you now means your time with them is precious. It is important to focus on your kids when you are “on duty” without the distraction of a new partner. Depending on your parenting time schedule, you can use your off-duty time for dating and cultivating a new relationship. Eventually, when you are certain that the new partner will stay in your life, you can begin to cautiously integrate the new relationship with the children.

“I want to share my joy with my children.” After bringing her new girlfriend home to the children, Amanda tells me this was wishful thinking. “Your children will never be as joyful about your new love as you are,” she says. Kids are naturally more concerned with how the changes will impact them.

“Janice really wants to meet my kids, and I want to see how she likes them before we go further…” It’s important that your new partner and your children get along. It’s also important that your new partner understands that your children are your highest priority. (Your children should feel that from you too.) While developing your new relationship, read a few books together about blending families and stepparenting. Take time to be sure that your relationship is rock solid and then take more time to prepare yourselves and the kids for the introduction, after being certain that your children are ready.

“I just know my kids will love him. He’s so different from their dad.” Your new partner will never take the place of their other parent. At best, hope that your new partner will be similar to a favorite aunt or uncle. If your new partner believes that they will be replacing the other parent, the boundaries will be crossed and your kids will reject them. The job of a parent includes tough things, such as discipline, and your new partner should never cross into that territory, except in the case of a real emergency.

In tears, Pam tells me that her ex’s new wife took their daughter shopping for her first bra. “This is a mother’s job!” cried Pam. The stepmother had crossed a boundary into the territory of a parent. As a result, Pam and her ex had months of conflict, which upset their daughter, who, caught in the middle, rejected her stepmother.

“I know my kids want to see me happy, and I want to show them what a real loving relationship is supposed to look like.” It is true that kids would rather have happy parents than unhappy parents. At the same time, long after the divorce, most children continue to yearn for their parents to be together, even when they know their parents weren’t happy together. In fact, it may take years for your children to accept that you are happier with another partner.

So, waiting to introduce your kids to someone new is important. Once your kids are ready, your new relationship is long-term and stable, then you can begin the process.

How to introduce your new partner

Meet first in a neutral setting that your kids will enjoy.

Source: Photo by Amine from Pexels

Kate has let her ex know that she plans to introduce Jake to the children. When the children later tell their dad about Jake, he says, “Yep, Mom told me about him. How was it?” He’s very glad he knew about the meeting in advance. Kate then tells her children that she’d like them to meet the man she has been dating. She gives them time to ask questions and listens carefully to see if they are ready for this next step before setting up the first introduction.

Start with a brief meeting in a neutral place. When Kate introduces Jake to her children, they meet at an ice cream parlor. It’s a treat for the children, and the meeting lasts less than an hour. Kate has spoken with Jake about “no physical affection in front of the kids” and she is careful to sit between her children, while Jake sits across from them in the booth. Jake’s presence is light and easy: He doesn’t ask too many questions or try to force the kids to talk.

The next week, Kate and Jake meet at a skatepark. Jake has brought his skateboard and the children bring their scooters. Again, the focus is on enjoying an hour or two together. Kate has packed a snack and they picnic on the grass.

Another week later, Kate invites Jake to lunch at the home. This is a step up in “intimacy” when Jake sits at the family table. He is careful to ask where to sit so as not to displace one of the children. After lunch, 8-year-old Jasper asks Jake if he’d like to play a video game with him. Kate sees this as a sign that Jasper is accepting Jake.

In between visits, Kate observes her kids’ reactions to meeting Jake. She checks in with her ex in case the children have shared their feelings about Jake with him. She knows that going slow and ensuring the children’s comfort is important. Over the next few months, Jake spends more time with Kate and the children. The children exchange glances when they see Kate and Jake hug. It’s a reminder to Kate to continue to adjust the pace to her children’s responses. It is several more months before Jake will stay overnight.

Levels of intimacy, from neutral to close contact: take it slow.

Source: Photo by Dziana Hasanbekava from Pexels

Before Jason brings Victoria to meet his children, they talk about slowly moving up “levels of intimacy.” Jason explains that watching a rom-com with his teenage daughter is a step up in intimacy from sharing dinner, and then braiding his daughter’s hair is another step up. Reading a bedtime story to the 5-year-old on the couch is less intimate than reading him a story while tucking him into bed. Giving a child a bath or a toddler a bottle are bigger steps up levels of intimacy.

If your children are showing signs that the changes are troubling, consider family counseling to support their adjustment to the new relationship.

Restructuring your family can add joy to your lives when you have thoughtfully planned how to introduce your new partner.

Source: Photo by Kampus Production from Pexels

Introducing your new relationship at the right time and in a well thought out way can seem laborious. However, the reward is that you get to watch the relationship blossom between your new partner and your children. When you are successful, you will have years to enjoy your expanded family.

When should single moms introduce kids to a boyfriend?

When should single moms or dads introduce a new partner to the kids?

Short answer: Whenever you want.

Growing up, my mom, who was divorced, dated a lot for a few years.

I loved it.

I loved watching her get dressed up to go out to dinner or dancing. I'd sit on her bed as she'd stand at the dresser and set her blond, permmed hair on rollers, apply makeup and a spritz of Norell, her signature fragrance. She was happy, looked like she felt pretty. Then the cool teenage babysitter arrived, and my brothers and I did everything we could do to contain our rambunctiousness before my mom left.

6 places to find a babysitter in 2022

This was back in the 1980s, and the guys she dated grew up in the ‘50s and ‘60s, and they would come to the house and pick her up. They often brought flowers — even on (especially?) first dates. My mom used these interactions as opportunities to teach her kids manners, and we learned about shaking hands, introducing one's self and looking the other person in the eye when you spoke.

A few of these guys turned into relationships that lasted a few months, and in those cases, if they had kids, we'd all have outings. I remember a few times everyone sleeping over at our house.

The guys were nice, the kids were nice, my mom was happy around these men and it was all very normal.

How long should you wait before you introduce your boyfriend to your child?

Today, when I hear single parents talk about dating, the most common scenario is waiting until the magical six-month mark to introduce an amour to the kids. Divorced couples even mutually agree that the kids will not lay eyes on a romantic partner until half a year has passed. Some even go as far as engagement.

This is nonsense. There is no reason that you can't introduce your kids to someone you are dating any time at all. People pass through your children's lives all the time:

Beloved teachers are left behind every year
Grandparents and other loved ones will die, guaranteed
Trusted neighbors and best friends move away
Etc.

Just because your kids meet someone you are dating doesn't mean they will become attached to them — especially if they are introduced as someone you are dating. NOT your new husband / their new stepdad / a huge deal.

But first you must become comfortable with dating yourself. After all, if you are determined to find a new husband / stepdad for your children, they will assume that intensity and will try to bond and be heartbroken if / when it ends.

If you have a healthy attitude about dating, then it is healthy for your kids to know about that, too.

18 cute gifts for your boyfriend he’ll love

Hiding your boyfriend from your kids

I recently heard a really great story from a newly single mom that illustrates the importance of being open about your dating life with your children, and modeling healthy life-long romance, starting young.

Facing divorce, this mom of two's own childhood loomed large as her point of reference. After all, her parents split when she was in preschool, and she was raised almost exclusively by her mother, who was a great role model in that she rose from a store clerk to a corporate executive during my friend's childhood. It's no surprise my friend has also become incredibly successful herself.

But, she never saw her mom date. At all.

Facing her own single status, she was terrified — assumed, even — that she also faced perpetual loneliness. Why wouldn't she? That was her model: You divorce. You're alone forever.

However, this new phase of life has opened a new chapter in my friend's relationship with her mother, as these things tend to do. And it turns out that her understanding of her mom's personal life was inaccurate.

“Oh I always had an active sex life,” the mom confessed recently. “I just kept that separate from my relationship with you.”

Confidence, a full heart, and life experience all equal being a richer, fuller person: people are attracted to these single-mom qualities in a real, meaningful way.

Read more on why dating is better as a single mom.

My friend was stunned. This not only TNT'd her impression of her mom, but upturned her expectations for her own sexual and romantic life — which suddenly became so much brighter.

I love this story because it serves as such great evidence for why we should all be open about our dating lives with our children. I've said it once but it needs to be said a zillion times more:

There is nothing shameful about a mother dating. You are an adult woman who has romantic, emotional and sexual needs. Embracing this fact is great for you, and great for your kids.

Those needs do not conflict with your kids' needs of you, or your relationship with your family. In fact, happily dating is the healthiest thing you can model for your children, both now — and in shaping their points of reference in adulthood. Being sexually fulfilled gives you the energy to parent to your greatest potential. Plus, a healthy romantic life — whatever that means for you — frees your children from their own natural sense that they must fill that void, now and in the future — which is prone to happen in single-parent families.

A sexually satisfied mom is a happier mom.

Now, you know all about age-appropriate information, so I won't even go there. Because, again, you are an adult woman and you know better.

So, tell your kids you are going on a date. Let them meet the man you are seeing — even if you are not sure where the relationship is headed. The more you embrace your sexuality, the healthier it is, and the easier it will be to share with your kids in a way that doesn't make anyone squirm.

Just ask my friend.

Which dating sites are best for single moms?

My new boyfriend had a sleepover with my kids home for the first time

Here is what happened when my boyfriend of three months stayed over:

My kids met him a couple times. He's sweet with them, and he tried to play it cool, though I can tell he's a little nervous about making a good impression on them (and on me, with them), which makes him all the more irresistible.

In the spirit of being normal about mixing kids with dudes, I also tried to keep it cool. We'd planned for him to have dinner at my place with the kids last Thursday. Earlier in the week I texted: “Do you want to stay over?”

Sure, he said. I didn't want to make it into a huge deal with the kids, but I also believe it is really disrespectful to sneak men into your bed, or simply wake up with a man laying next to you without any explanation. Kids aren't morons.

So, I first mentioned to Lucas, age 4: “He's going to sleep over at our house Thursday.”

When his sister, 6, came home, Luke eagerly rushed up to her: “Helena! Helena! Guess WHAT! Mommy's boyfriend is going to SLEEP at our HOUSE!”

Helena: “Where is he going to sleep?

Me: “My bed.”

Helena: “Where are you going to sleep?”

Me: “In my bed with him.”

Helena: “I think you wiggle too much at night. Maybe he should sleep on the couch.”

Lucas: “I know! I know! He can sleep in MY BED!”

Me: “Where are you going to sleep?”

Lucas: “With you.”

Me: “I'm going to sleep with him in my bed because he's my boyfriend and I want to snuggle with him. ”

Lucas: “What about OUR morning snuggles?”

Me: “We will still do that — there are plenty of mommy snuggles to go around.”

Helena: “I promise not to fart on his lap like I did with your last boyfriend. I think that's why you broke up.”

Maybe that last bit about the boyfriend snuggles was TMI, but it is true and go to the heart of the kids' confusion — this visitor is different than the many houseguests who frequent our couch. And it turned out to be completely accurate (read on).

The day of The Great Sleepover, I picked Helena at the bus stop and she giddily skipped along the sidewalk holding my hand.

“My mommy's boyfriend is going to sleep at my house! My mommy's boyfriend is going to sleep at my house! I told everyone at school — even my teachers! My mommy's boyfriend is going to sleep at my house!”

25 gift ideas for your boyfriend's mom

The rest of the evening was pork chops and roasted cauliflower and cupcakes my boyfriend brought for the kids. He cleaned the kitchen (even the stovetop which I religiously leave for the housecleaner) while I got the kids into the bath and jammies. I read Helena one of those Madonna English Roses books and he read Lucas a Planes book. There were kisses all around, followed by yelling to get back into bed, and it couldn't have been more normal or cozy.

And it was, at its core, a normal and cozy Thursday evening with the kids. I put on my long-sleeved pajamas, washed my face and slipped into bed next to him, my head resting in the crook of my arm and then on his chest. We turned off the light and talked about what I don't remember. I wish I had a funny story about stifled howls of passion or a knocking headboard that awoke the kids, and while there were some steamy adult snuggles under the predawn covers, we crawled out of bed to make coffee and muffins and listen to NPR as I yelled at the kids to hurry up and get dressed already. And then the day had begun.

Why you may want to wait or not introduce your boyfriend to your kids

In response to the above essay, a mom wrote me:

As a single mom, it is a social stigma for me to date. Many feel that my life as a woman should have stopped when I had children. Someone even suggested that it’s okay for men to move on but I should solely dedicate my life to my children.

That makes me want to bust out my nunchucks and beat the crap out of society. But you are safe here, and I’m here to tell you: Date! It’s normal — healthy! There will likely be heartbreak and missteps. You are human. But do not feel ashamed of your emotional, social or sexual needs. Embrace your womanhood in all its splendor. This is what a good mom does.

Maybe you and your boyfriend disagree on when and how to tell his kids or your kids when to introduce the other partner. Couples counseling can help—even if you're not married. When you need couples therapy.

And when you are ready, bring around your family. Yes, consider how you do this. Respect your kids’ reactions. Talk about it with them. But do not feel guilty. Let go of any shame. You are normal and this is healthy.

That said, there are plenty of good reasons to take your time introducing your kids to your new amore. Maybe you don’t ever introduce him at all.

1. You recently broke up with someone else.

Even though you may be over the rebounds and ready to move on, you’re not sure your kids are.

2. You’re afraid your new guy will be really awesome with the kids.

Which will make you totally love him even way, way more. Maybe you’re not ready for that kind of emotional intensity. It scares you. That’s cool. Take it slow.

When should a single mom tell a man she has kids?

3. You’re afraid he might not be so great with your kids.

That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t date him — it means that he might not be part of your family life. Sometimes you just need a lover or someone to take you out to dinner now and again. Not all relationships are the giant, Brady Bunch, 24/7 kind. Maybe you’ll want that sort of partnership in another phase of your journey.

4. You want to prolong the courtship.

Face it: if he’s spending every Wednesday enjoying meatloaf and mashed potatoes with you and the kids, he’s not taking you out of wild-boar-and-crimini-mushroom meatloaf and truffle-laced heirloom purple potato mash at that cute place downtown on Wednesdays. Family life is wonderful. But that shit’s not glamorous.

5. You’re afraid your family life will make him run.

Truth? It might. Especially if he doesn’t love you (yet). It’s hard to imagine that a man who did not sire your kids might actually like them and also want to fuck you. But it happens all the time. Maybe you want feel more secure in the relationship before you bring him home to the circus that is your life. Take your time!

6. You don’t want to signal to him it’s serious (yet).

You may accept that introducing a guy to your kids does not indicate that he’s your forever boo. But he may not see it that way — which is understandable because most people in our culture wouldn’t, either. If you’re playing it cool and not ready to jump in with your heart and soul, but worry he will think you’re eager and commitment-ready if you invite him to join your clan for Disney on Ice, wait.

7. You want him all to yourself.

This is not selfish. See #3. Not every relationship is meant for marriage or family. Having a lover, hookup or friend with benefits that is separate from your daily life can be a fabulous arrangement. If that suits you, embrace it.

How long should you wait before you introduce your boyfriend to your child?

Short answer: Whenever you want.

How to improve the relationship of a child with a new husband of a mother: 8 advice from a psychologist

Discuss everything in advance

First of all, a man is a partner for a woman. And then he has some kind of relationship with the child.

What they can be:

First you need to look at what kind of relationship the child has with his own dad. If he is present in the lives of children and everything is fine, then the function of the new man is reduced to a minimum - to good friendly relations with children.

If there is no father in the child's life and there is no connection with him, then it is theoretically assumed that the new husband can take a paternal position in relation to the child. But only if: a) the man himself wants it, b) the woman is ready for it. Women often think that the child needs a new dad. But in fact, the mother should honestly ask herself: is she ready for someone other than her to have an influence on the child? Giving a man the role of a father means empowering him. That is, the father, with all his powers, can make comments to the child, regulate children's behavior, have the right to vote in the discussion of circles and schools. It often happens that a woman, it seems, really wants the child to have a new good dad, and she constantly beats the man's hands as soon as he tries to start raising the child. It shouldn't be like that.

If a man is not ready to become a new dad, it is not fatal

Purely biologically, a man has a mechanism that allows him to sincerely love the child of a woman whom he loves. And stories when a man managed to love a non-native child as his own are not uncommon. But this mechanism is launched only on the condition that a man, in principle, has a need for paternal feelings.

So different scenarios can develop here:

The man is just a partner. He is responsible for the woman, but he is not responsible for the child. Education is purely her concern. In this case, he can establish good friendly relations with the child, when no one offends anyone, does not educate, and all the difficult moments associated with the behavior of the child are decided by the woman.

The woman says: will you be the new dad to my child? And the man doesn't mind at all. And here a gradual “seizure of territory” and building relationships should already begin. Moreover, a man must understand that intimacy is not only love and positive, it is also aggression, and anger towards each other, and other strong feelings. And if he becomes a real dad, then he and the child can experience all these feelings. Everyone needs to be ready for this.

Organize your meeting the right way

If you are sitting at home, and then mom brings some uncle and says “here is your new dad”, no one will take it seriously. You need to introduce a child to a man on neutral territory. No need to bring home a stranger with sensational messages. At first, you can go to the park together for a walk, go somewhere together, that is, gradually get to know each other. If you bring a man home immediately, the child may perceive this as a threat, an attack on personal space.

You don't have to say it's dad. Because a man is first and foremost a partner for a woman. And if he wants to build some kind of relationship with the child, there must be an initiative on his part. It is very important to be interested in the life of the child, ask his opinion, and if you manage to praise, it’s absolutely wonderful.

It makes no sense to give a child as a gift by “buying” him. There is no need to specifically emphasize his special status. The child must understand that the world does not revolve around him. The man is first and foremost the new husband of the mother.
And the child is not the main one here.

Remember family hierarchy

Any new person who appears in the family, whether it be a small child or a new mother's boyfriend, immediately occupies the lowest place in the family hierarchy. Often even a domestic cat can rank higher. This is how the group works: any newcomer has an initially low status. And in order to raise this status, you need to make an effort. Like showing strength. Not direct aggression, of course. Rather, show your character, charisma, make decisions, solve problems. That is why you do not need to initially jump around the child - he already stands in the family hierarchy so far above the man. On the contrary, the child, due to the fact that he cannot yet be responsible for what is happening, must take the lower place. And the man must rise. Not immediately, of course. This may take from one to five years.

No need to be afraid that a man will not be able to tolerate the antics of a teenager

Why are parents usually so hurt by teenage behavior? Parents have a very close bond with their children. And a child in adolescence really wants to break it, distance itself, and separation from the parent occurs due to aggression. Because sometimes their own children are so traumatized and enraged. At the same time, other teenagers with whom we have never had close relationships may not be annoying, but seem touching and funny, no matter how unbearably they behave. Behind all their antics, it is easy to see their childish nature. Therefore, for a man, a long distance with a teenager can be saving. A man here can become the voice of reason.

And there is another important point about teenage girls. Often male partners are very distant from a teenage girl. This is how the natural mechanism works. A teenage girl is developing very rapidly, and the sexuality that bursts out can be exciting. That is why a man often sets a very large distance with a girl at a certain age - and this happens unconsciously. Even fathers behave this way. It seems that all his childhood he squeezed her, adored her, doted on her soul - and then suddenly became cold and distant. This is completely normal behavior and you don't need to worry about it.

Better lower your expectations

A man subscribes first of all to a relationship with a woman. And his paternal mechanism may or may not kick in. So don't expect too much about his fatherly role. A woman needs to be firmly remembered: she is looking first for a partner for herself, and then for a father to her child.

Of course, this is not easy to accept. Especially if the woman was married, and the responsibility for the child was shared equally, and after the divorce she was left alone, and it’s hard for her and she wants to share this responsibility with someone again.

In addition, you do not need to wait in advance from a man that he will be such a certain dad. He, perhaps, wants to be a dad - but in some other way, not always corresponding to the expectations of a woman. Therefore, it is important to discuss everything, slowly share powers and give the man the opportunity to get used to it.

You do not need to part with a man if the child does not like him

In such a situation, a woman needs to be firm. There should be something like this message: I love this person and want to live with him now, and not in 10 years, when you will have an independent adult life, and you will no longer need me. Therefore, let's try to make sure that you annoy each other as little as possible. You do not have to love him, but I love him, so I want us all to find a common language.

In fact, a woman always has her own separate relationship with a child (she builds them, regardless of the presence or absence of a partner) and her own separate relationship with a man. And here there should not be a choice “either a husband or a child” - you need to explain to everyone that everyone has their own place and one does not replace the other.

How to build relationships for those who already have children?

“At first, it's hard to find time for a relationship. Secondly, many people are not interested in a relationship with someone who has children. And thirdly, I would not want my child to think that I am having affairs with everyone. So I'm very picky about girls." - Benson, 49years, Toronto, Ontario.

“When you have children, relationships develop very slowly. I can't dive headlong into them, finally get carried away by my lover and spend most of my time with him. I have children, a house, a job. It turns out that I cannot find out everything about a person at once. So you have to look at it for a long time.” – Annie, 30, Moscow, Idaho

What do you most often worry about in a relationship?

“Children live with me 24/7 – they are always at home. So my boyfriend just can't come to visit me. And sometimes you want to. I have to wait until I decide to introduce the chosen one to the children. And it may not even get to that.” —Hannah, 43, Dayton, Ohio

“When you are absolutely in love, you have a hard time keeping your head down and moving away from your child. I could afford a babysitter, but I prioritized my child the most important thing to me.” – Susan, 57, Phoenix, Arizona

When do you realize that it's time to introduce your loved one to children?

“I wait at least five or six months before introducing my chosen one to my children. And then, if I feel that this relationship has the potential to develop. If I understand that nothing will work out, I will not introduce my girlfriend to children. It doesn't make sense." -Jeff, 52, Boston, Massachusetts

“This is a difficult question. I dated a guy for three months (he also has a daughter). And we decided that we would get to know each other's children only when we had a serious and strong relationship. There is no specific time when this important meeting should take place. A friend of mine introduced the children to his girlfriend after only two weeks of relationship. A lot depends on the age of the child and the situation itself.” – Hannah, 43, Dayton, Ohio

“I have a rule - to introduce a guy to children not earlier than after a year of relationship. I could change my mind and arrange this meeting earlier only if my man had children about the same age as mine. They could hang out together, that would be great. In this case, this awkward moment would have been avoided: “Here, dear, with this strange uncle whom you see for the first time, you will have to share your mother. I hope you like it.” – Annie, 30, Moscow, Idaho

Would you stop dating someone your child doesn't like?

“We need a good reason for this. If a child does not like my boyfriend's sense of humor, this is not serious. But if they notice that he behaves disrespectfully towards me, then I will think about it. I trust my children.” —Hannah, 43, Dayton, Ohio

“I would definitely listen to children. They are kind and everyone loves them. Therefore, if they disliked someone, there was probably a good reason for this. My first duty as a parent is to protect my children. If they don't like someone, I have to figure out what's wrong.” —Andrea, 44, Dallas, Texas

Has having children changed the process of finding a partner?

“Definitely yes. Before, the first thing I looked at was the guy's physical attractiveness. Now it is much more important for me that he be reliable, kind and without bad habits. Before I met my current boyfriend, I talked a lot with men on dating sites.