How does the bible say to discipline your child

What does it mean to “spare the rod, spoil the child”?

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The phrase “spare the rod, spoil the child” is a modern-day proverb that means if a parent refuses to discipline an unruly child, that child will grow accustomed to getting his own way. He will become, in the common vernacular, a spoiled brat. The saying comes from Proverbs 13:24, “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.” The Lord uses discipline to reveal our sin to us. This is also how parents reveal the truth of our need for a Savior to their children. When a child does not feel the consequence of his sin, he will not understand that sin requires punishment. The Lord provides a way to salvation and forgiveness through Jesus, but that means little to those who do not see their sin.

Furthermore, correction shows us that we are not above reproach and that we are accountable for our actions. Our natural pride blinds us to our need for a Savior, and discipline reveals the truth of our wretchedness (Revelation 3:17). Since salvation is the most important choice the child will ever make, it is imperative that parents are leading him to Christ, and discipline is critical to this process. Proverbs 23:13 says, “Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die.” In the context of verses 13–14, die means “experience spiritual death in hell.” Children who respect authority and feel sorrow for their sin are much more likely to ask Jesus to forgive them and be saved.

All children are born sinful (Romans 5:12–19). Their natural self is destructive and unrighteous. That does not mean they aren’t valuable and worthy of love (Psalm 127:3). It means that they are not born with any natural “goodness” in them. That is why all children need discipline. Proverbs 22:15 says, “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him. ” Discipline is critical for wisdom (Proverbs 29:15), and a child who obeys his parents will be wise (Proverbs 13:1). And even adults who do not heed correction will feel the consequences of their foolishness (Proverbs 10:13).

Some people believe in discipline, but not in physical discipline such as spanking. However, the Bible is the final word on what is truth; it is not mere opinion or theory. The word rod indicates a thin stick or switch that can be used to give a small amount of physical pain with no lasting physical injury. A child should never be bruised, injured, or cut by a physical correction. The Bible warns that parents should never abuse the power and authority they have over their children while they are young because it provokes the children to righteous anger (Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:21). Physical discipline is always done in love, never as a vent to the parent’s frustration. It is also just one part of discipline and should be used when the child shows defiance to a clear limit, not in the heat of the moment.

God instructs parents to parent their children the way He parents His children. Hebrews 12:5–11 tells us that God disciplines those whom He loves to perfect their righteousness. God only disciplines His own, which proves that Christians are His beloved children. Notice that David says that the Lord’s rod comforts him in his time of trouble (Psalm 23:4).

Finally, we know that no discipline feels good while it is happening, but afterwards the rewards are rich (Hebrews 12:11). Godly character, fruit of the Spirit, and peace are rewards of God’s discipline. The same is true for our human children. Children who have learned how to take responsibility for their actions are much happier people (Proverbs 3:11–18). The importance of the rod of correction is that it steers the heart of a child toward Jesus and the forgiveness of sin He offers. When parents trust God’s methods over their own, they will see the blessings for their children and themselves.

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What does the Bible say about disciplining children?

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The Bible provides two important principles for parents concerning the discipline of their children. First, parents are responsible for the discipline of their children. Second, Scripture offers some information regarding certain ways to discipline that can help.

The first area, parent responsibility for child discipline, is crucial. While teachers or other influencers can help in the discipline of children, the Bible is clear that child discipline is the parent's responsibility. Proverbs 19:18 teaches, "Discipline your son, for there is hope." In the New Testament, Ephesians 6:4 adds, "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." Discipline is how a parent helps teach a child right and wrong, preparing them for success in adult life.

Discipline is also a sign of love. Proverbs 13:24 states, "Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him." While many focus on the way discipline is given in this verse, the focus is on giving discipline. Though discipline is not enjoyable at the time for the parent or the child (Hebrews 12:11), it is an important part of helping nurture a child to know right from wrong (Revelation 3:19).

The result of appropriate disciplining is found in Proverbs 29:17: "Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart." A well-trained child who knows how to live a life of integrity brings joy to parents.

The result of appropriate discipline will be a child who later respects his or her parents. As Hebrews 12:9 shares, "Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live?" Proverbs 12:1 adds, "Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid." Proverbs 13:1 shares, "A wise son hears his father's instruction, but a scoffer does not listen to rebuke."

Second, Scripture discusses ways to discipline a child. Proverbs 13:24 speaks of using a rod, an issue that has caused great concern to many people today. However, the principle has nothing to do with child abuse. Instead, the use of a stick that was used for spanking offered an immediately, clear form of punishment that helped children know right from wrong. If applied appropriately, this will not physically harm or "exasperate" children (Ephesians 6:4, NIV) but instead offer clear boundaries for child behavior.

That said, this does not mean a parent must spank a child or that other forms of punishment cannot also be used. Each family must determine the best way to discipline their own children in ways that show love and nurture the development of children toward appropriate behavior. Christian parents are called to be responsible for the discipline of their children and to use appropriate, caring methods to help children grow into young men and women of integrity.

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For decades, spanking children was a common practice. In recent years, it, like other methods of corporal punishment, began to be replaced by other methods that exclude physical violence. Spanking of children has even been made illegal in some countries. Many parents are afraid to punish their children, as they may complain to the authorities, and they will simply be deprived of parental rights. Don't get us wrong, we are in no way trying to defend child abuse. A child should never be subjected to physical punishment that could harm him. Nevertheless, according to the Bible, timely and moderate physical punishment of children is not something bad, but, on the contrary, contributes to a prosperous and proper upbringing. nine0003

Many books of the Bible even encourage parents to physically punish their children. They mainly urge parents not to be afraid to punish their children, because they will not die from this, but perhaps it will help them avoid death (Proverbs 13:24; 22:15; 20:30). The Bible attaches great importance to punishment as such, and considers it as something obligatory for each of us. His influence is stronger the younger we are. That is, punishment makes us better, more decent. Children who have not been punished for disobedience have no respect for any authority, and therefore will not want to voluntarily submit to the will of God and follow Him. God uses punishment as an opportunity to put us on the right path and give us a chance to voluntarily repent of our deeds (Psalms 93:12; Proverbs 1:7; 6:23; 12:1; 13:1; 15:5; Isaiah 38:16; Hebrews 12:9). Only a few verses are mentioned here that speak of the positive side of punishment.

So what is the problem? The fact is that for many years parents have been too passive or too aggressive when it comes to raising their children. For those who find spanking a completely unacceptable method, they simply lack the ability to educate their children and guide them in the right direction. As a result, children grow up bold and rebellious. This will do them much more harm in the future. “The rod and rebuke give wisdom; but a boy left neglecting makes his mother ashamed" (Proverbs 29:15). But there are also parents who misinterpret the words of the Bible regarding punishment, who punish their children only to satisfy their cruelty.

Punishment is used to direct a person to the right path. “Any punishment at the present time does not seem to be joy, but sadness; but afterward to those who are taught through it, it brings forth the peaceful fruit of righteousness” (Hebrews 12:11). Divine discipline is love! The same model should be followed by parents in relation to their children. In no case should spanking cause prolonged pain, it should be light clapping (preferably on the back, where pain is least felt), which can explain to the child what is bad. Punishment should never be used as an outlet for parental anger or frustration. nine0003

“And you fathers, do not provoke your children, but bring them up in the teaching and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). The upbringing of children can take place only in the teaching and instruction of the Lord, restraint, direction, and in punishment through great parental love.

English

From a toddler who has just learned the word “no” to a rebellious teenager, all parents face the problem of disobedient children. And, in fact, this is not only a problem for children. The Bible shows us that we are all struggling with the desire to take life into our own hands and do whatever we want, being born in sin and rebellion (Psalm 50:7; Ephesians 2:3; Romans 3:10; 7:17-21) . Self-will can grow into a full-blown struggle with our children if their disobedience is left unchecked—a struggle that will affect their future relationships with teachers, employers, friends, spouses, aging parents, and even their Heavenly Father. However, as we turn to the Bible, we find support in the fact that God provides the tools to train and raise disobedient children and even promises blessings to those who learn and grow in obedience. nine0003

The commandment to honor and obey one's parents pervades all of Scripture, beginning with the book of Exodus, when God gives the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20:12), and throughout the Old Testament (Leviticus 19:3; Deuteronomy 5:16; Proverbs 1:8 ; 6:20-21; 23:22) and the New. Both Jesus and the apostle Paul affirm the importance of the fifth commandment (Matthew 15:4; 19:19; Ephesians 6:1-3; Colossians 3:20) and the promise it contains. The Bible encourages children that their obedience will bring blessings and longevity (Exodus 20:12; Jeremiah 35:17-19; Ephesians 6:3; Colossians 3:20), and warns disobedient children who dishonor their parents that their behavior will lead to punishment and disgrace (Leviticus 20:9; Deuteronomy 21:18; 27:16; Proverbs 10:1; 15:5; 20: 20; 30:17; Matthew 15:4). General disobedience to parents will also characterize end-time society (2 Timothy 3:2).

The people of Israel, whom God calls His children (Exodus 4:22), serve as an example for disobedient children. The Lord repeatedly called the Israelites to obey Him, promising abundant blessings for obedience and dire consequences for disobedience. In the days of Joshua, the Jews showed obedience and were blessed with victory over their enemies (Joshua 11:23). Later, as the entire book of Judges demonstrates, disobedience brought disaster. nine0003

The Bible teaches about the need to punish disobedient children. Punishment is a part of life for all people, and those who rebel against parental authority must be punished. Proverbs 19:18 says, “Discipline your son while there is hope; do not become guilty of his death” (hereinafter – New Russian Translation). In this verse, the punishment of the child is presented as a matter of life and death. Disobedience, if left unchecked, will lead to death. Proverbs 13:24 says, “He who spares the rod does not love his son, but whoever loves, disciplines him diligently.” Here love and diligent punishment go hand in hand. These words refute the idea that a "loving" parent would never punish a child.

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