How can two lesbians have a baby

How Can a Same Sex Female Couple Have a Baby? The Ultimate Guide

Getting married and having children is something many of us look forward to from the time we ourselves are children. We play with baby dolls and cuddle relatives’ babies, dreaming of the day we can have our own. But if you are in a same-sex female relationship, you may find yourself asking the question, “How can a same-sex female couple have a baby?”

Thanks to the miracle of modern medicine, lesbian couples can now not only adopt children but give birth to their own. Read on to learn more about the different options available for lesbian couples looking to become parents.

Pregnancy vs. Adoption

Before we dive into the different ways lesbian couples can have a baby, let’s talk a little about the pregnancy vs. adoption question. Adoption is an obvious solution for same-sex couples looking to have a baby and in many cases, adoption is a win-win situation; the couple gets to raise a child, and a child who needed a good home and parents gets an amazing family.

Most couples however will want to have a baby that is genetically their own or want the experience of pregnancy and delivery. In these cases, it is possible for same-sex female couples to have a baby that is related to one of the partners.  As we will discuss more later, it may someday be possible for same-sex couples to have a baby that is genetically both of theirs.

Selecting a Sperm Donor

Most of the options for same-sex female couples to have a baby involve intrauterine insemination using a sperm donor.  During this process, couples will select a sperm donor from a donor sperm bank with the assistance of a fertility clinic.  Once the donor sperm is selected, the sperm will be sent to the fertility clinic.  The sperm donor, usually anonymous, will serve as your baby’s biological father.

You can also ask for a sperm donation from close friends if you feel comfortable doing so although involving someone you know is not as easy as it may at first seem.  Some same-sex male couples are even interested in serving as sperm donors in a co-parenting situation, which we’ll discuss later.

Donor Intrauterine Insemination

Donor intrauterine insemination happens in a fertility clinic under the direction of the physician. Be sure to talk to your doctor about what you can do before the appointment to give things the best chance to go right.  These procedures often involve taking medication such as Clomid to stimulate your ovaries and involve close monitoring by your doctor.  When your doctor determines that you are ready, the intrauterine insemination will be performed which is relatively painless.  In this procedure, a catheter is inserted through your cervix and the donor sperm gets injected directly into your uterus. This increases the chance of your becoming pregnant (compared to normal intercourse), especially since it bypasses the issue of poor cervical mucus.

In Vitro Fertilization 

In vitro fertilization is one of the most popular options for same-sex couples looking to have a baby. This process is more involved and costly than intrauterine insemination with donor insemination. However, it can triple your chance of becoming pregnant and lessen the risk of twin or triplet pregnancies which is safer for your health.

During in vitro fertilization, a doctor will harvest eggs directly from your ovaries after giving you fertility medication to promote egg development. They will then inject sperm directly into the eggs or will allow them to interact and fertilize in a lab. These embryos will be incubated for 5 days and then frozen for transfer back to your uterus in the following 6-8 weeks.  The freezing process results in higher pregnancy rates and allows your embryos to be genetically tested, if you desire, prior to returning them to your uterus.

Reciprocal IVF and Surrogacy

Some same-sex couples opt to use a procedure called reciprocal IVF to have a baby. Rather than one partner donating the eggs and carrying the baby, one partner will donate the eggs which will be implanted into the other partner’s uterus. This is a good option for couples who want both parents involved in the pregnancy and birth process.

In some cases, same-sex couples may also choose to have a surrogate carry their baby. This is most commonly done when one or both partners have problems with their uterus or if it not safe for either of them to become pregnant due to medical reasons.  The donated egg from one partner may be implanted into another person who will carry the baby for them. However, this process can be very costly and can have some tricky legal ramifications, so it requires some careful forethought.

Co-Parenting

In some cases, same-sex female couples may choose to arrange a co-parenting situation with a same-sex male couple. Both couples want children and cannot have them through traditional methods, so they team up and form a close-knit parenting team.

In a co-parenting situation, one of the partners from the same-sex male couple provides the sperm donation for the artificial insemination procedure. One of the partners in the same-sex female couple carries the baby and gives birth.  All four parents then work together to raise the child.

Co-parenting can be an amazing option for those who want their child to know their biological father, but it can be complicated from a legal and practical standpoint. If you and your partner plan to go this route, you will need to have extended discussions with your co-parents about how you will handle everything from living situations and custody to schooling, discipline, and finances.

Transgender Partners

If one partner in a same-sex female couple is a transgender woman, you may be able to have a child that is genetically connected to both of you. If that partner is pre-transition, their body will still be producing sperm. Depending on their medical situation, that sperm may be healthy enough to fertilize the other partner’s egg or frozen for later use during intrauterine insemination (IUI) or In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) treatment cycles.   In this situation, you have more options for conceiving. You will need to consult with a doctor to figure out what the best option is for you and your partner.

Adoption 

Of course, adoption can always be a wonderful option for same-sex female couples interested in having a baby. At any given time, there are more than 125,000 children in the foster care system who are eligible for adoption. You can give these children a loving home with your partner.

If you decide to adopt, be aware that you may fight some lingering bias against same-sex couples in the system. Some social workers may want to make extra demands or try to give you only “problem” children. Know your rights and be prepared to stand up for them during the adoption process – you have just as much right to adopt as anyone else.

Ongoing Research

There is some ongoing research that may one day make it possible for same-sex couples to have a child that is biologically connected to both of them. In 2018, a scientist at the University of Cambridge announced that their lab had a mouse pup that was born to two fathers. It may be possible to use stem cells from one parent to create a sperm with a woman’s DNA in it.

This research is ongoing, and it will be a long time before this procedure is medically approved for human use. Mice are much less complex than humans, and a lot more experimentation will be necessary. But someday, same-sex couples may be able to have a baby that is biologically both of their children.

Deciding on the Best Method for You

There is no one right answer to what the right way to have a baby is. Which method you choose will depend on your and your partner’s wishes and on each of your medical situations. There are a lot of factors that will impact your decision.

Start by sitting down and having a conversation with your partner about what you both want from your parenting experience. Discuss your financial resources and what you know of your reproductive health, then make an appointment with your doctor to discuss the best medical options for both of you.

Answer, “How Can a Same-Sex Female Couple Have a Baby?” 

There are many right answers to the question, “How can a same-sex female couple have a baby?” From intrauterine insemination to adoption to co-parenting, you have a lot of options available to you. Which one you choose will be a personal discussion you and your partner will need to have.

If you’d like to get started on your parenthood journey, check out the rest of our site at Inovi Fertility and Genetics Institute. We’re committed to achieving the highest success rates while providing personalized care to our patients. Schedule an appointment today and take the first step in your journey towards becoming

Same-sex parents – two mums

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There are more same-sex couple families than ever before in Australia. More than 10,000 children live with same-sex parents in this country, and a quarter of all female same-sex couples have children. If you are a same-sex couple, this article will help you consider the important questions about becoming a mum.

The options for becoming a parent

Same-sex families can be created in many different ways. One partner may have the baby, or you may choose to adopt. One or both of you may have children from a previous heterosexual relationship. Or you may have a co-parenting arrangement with a gay male couple.

If you are thinking of conceiving a child, there are several fertility options available.

The most common way for a woman in a same-sex relationship to become pregnant is to use donated sperm. Some women inseminate themselves at home, but many choose to be inseminated in a clinic using a process called intrauterine insemination (IUI). Sperm from a donor are injected directly into the womb and, hopefully, the woman will become pregnant. You don’t always need to take fertility drugs, and the procedure is quite quick and inexpensive. However, it doesn’t always work.

If you have fertility problems, in vitro fertilisation (IVF) is another option. This is when the sperm are introduced to the egg in the lab. The mother will need to take fertility drugs. IVF can be more expensive, and it also doesn’t always work.

Either way, you will need to find a sperm donor. This could be someone you know, or an unknown donor who has donated their sperm to a sperm bank.

If it is someone you know, think carefully about what you are looking for in a donor, what level of involvement you want him to have with the child, and why he would consider donating to you. Make sure you involve your partner in the discussions and give the potential donor plenty of time to think about it.

If you plan to use sperm from a sperm bank, the donor could be Australian or come from overseas. The sperm will have been carefully medically screened and the donor will have been told about his legal rights. Most assisted reproductive technology clinics can organise donated sperm for you.

If you are thinking about obtaining donor sperm from overseas, make sure you understand the laws and regulations of the country in question. Obtaining donor sperm from some countries could cause future problems both for you and the child, so it’s always better to think about local options if possible.

Deciding on roles

Same-sex female couples usually tend to parent equally. Because a lot of planning usually goes into having a baby in a same-sex couple, there's a lot of time to think about what it means to be a parent, what roles you will both have and who else will be involved in bringing up the child.

Research has shown that lesbian couples are more likely to share domestic duties and child care fairly than heterosexual couples. Both mums tend to have good quality relationships with the children.

There are different ways in which to involve the biological father or other men in family life. For example, the couple may use sperm donated by a friend who then plays a part in bringing up the child. Or they may introduce the children to fathers, brothers or other men as male role models.

Social and psychological issues

Research has shown that children who grow up in same-sex families do just as well emotionally, socially and educationally as other children.

Children who have two mums may even have added advantages: they often experience higher quality parenting and they grow up to be more open minded about diversity. They are also likely to feel secure, close to their parents, and able to talk to them.

Even though there is more support than ever for same-sex families in Australia, some same-sex couples and their children are worried about being teased or bullied. It’s the treatment by others rather than growing up with two mums that may affect the child’s wellbeing.

Children usually find their own way of explaining their family set-up to other people. If you think your child is being bullied, it's important to step in quickly. Schools and teachers are trained to deal with issues like this.

Work and legal issues

Under the law, a child born to a lesbian couple will usually have a birth mother and a lesbian co-mother. All states and territories legally recognise the co-mother in a lesbian relationship as the legal parent of children conceived during the course of the relationship. This means they have the same rights as heterosexual parents, for example, if they separate or divorce.

The sperm donor has no legal rights or responsibilities toward the child. The woman who gives birth to the child and her partner have full parental rights. When they turn 18, however, children conceived from a sperm donor have the right to information that identifies him.

Same-sex parents and their families have the same entitlements as everyone else. This includes, among other things, parental leave, tax, superannuation, social security and family assistance, the Pharmaceutical Benefits Scheme Safety Net and the Medicare Safety Net, immigration, citizenship, child support and family law.

If you are a same-sex parent, it's important to let Centrelink know. You will be assessed for entitlements in the same way as everyone else. Depending on your circumstances, you may be eligible for child support or Dad and partner pay. Visit the Department of Social Services for more information.

More information and support

• National LGBTI Health Alliance
• OUTspoken families: A resource kit for rainbow families
• PFLAG - Parents, Family and Friends of Lesbians and Gays
• QLife national counselling and referral service - call 1800 184 527
• Student Wellbeing Hub

Sources:

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Last reviewed: July 2020

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Related pages

• Parental rights and finances
• Fertility treatments
• Same-sex parents - two dads
• Rainbow families

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