Try to make a baby

How to Make a Baby: Quick & Dirty Tips For Getting Pregnant

Making the decision to have a baby is a monumental moment. And if you’re there, let me be the first to say that I’m so excited for you and everything to come on your conception and journey to becoming mama.

I also want to acknowledge that while this is exciting, trying to get pregnant can feel somewhat stressful—especially if you are hoping to get pregnant quickly.

Once you make the decision, suddenly it seems like all you can think about is getting pregnant. So as you learn about how to conceive, and as you move through this chapter of your life, do what you can to be gentle with yourself, reduce stress and remember how vitally important you are. (Your future baby would agree).

In addition to taking good care of yourself, you probably have a ton of questions about how to make a baby.

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Digital classes from Motherly

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How to take the very best care of your changing self through this amazing transformation.

Before we dive into exactly how to get pregnant, remember that your healthcare provider should always be your go-to for questions specific to you and your situation.

How long should you try to conceive before seeking reproductive assistance?

Generally speaking, we say that if you are under the age of 35 and have been trying to get pregnant through sex for 12 months, or 6 months for those 35 and older, it’s time to reach out to your provider for support. But you can always check in sooner if you have concerns.

Related: Everything you need to know about getting pregnant

Here’s our quick & dirty guide on how to make a baby

1. Get prepared for getting pregnant

If you have the opportunity to spend a few months focusing on your well-being before trying to get pregnant, it can be helpful. Here are a few ways to prep for pregnancy:

• Schedule a preconception checkup. This is an appointment with your provider (usually an OB/GYN or a midwife) where you can discuss your overall health as it relates to getting pregnant. You can also start discussing all the ways to get pregnant (sex and many assisted reproductive technology methods), and which option might be best for you.
• Start taking a prenatal vitamin with folic acid to help prevent neural tube defects in your developing baby. Taking a supplemental form of folic acid prior to getting pregnant makes it more effective, as the neural tube is nearly fully formed by the time many women find out they’re expecting (around the 4- to 6-week mark).
• Stop taking birth control. If you’re using hormonal contraception, be sure to discuss this process with your provider so they can help figure out the best timing for you.

Related: I’m a nutritionist: Here are my 5 favorite prenatal vitamins

Ritual

• $35

Ritual’s prenatal is built on an “everything you need, nothing you don’t” philosophy. Each of the delayed-release capsules are easy to absorb and contain just 12 essential nutrients including methylated B vitamins, bioavailable iron and 350 mg of DHA, an omega-3 fatty acid that’s necessary for fetal brain and eye development. And since the best vitamins are the ones you’ll actually want to take, these come with a clever citrus tab inside the bottle to make the whole experience even better.

Read more about it here.

2. Decide: Will you wing it—or plan it?

If you are trying to get pregnant through sex, do you want to take more of a “let’s see what happens” approach to getting pregnant, or would you feel better charting and strategizing? Either is fine! And know that you can change your mind as you go.

If you decide to have a conception plan, then understanding your cycle is key.

Read more: 10 essential facts about getting pregnant they didn’t teach in sex-ed

3. Understand your menstrual cycle

Your ovulation window is likely five to six days long, typically in the middle of your cycle.

On average, those with a 28-day cycle will ovulate on day 14. But charting your cycle is key to identifying your unique fertile days. In fact, just basing your conception attempts on a calendar can risk you missing your actual fertile days—your body will often show you that you are ovulating through specific signs of ovulation.

Ready to learn more? Here’s how to find your most fertile days.

Once an egg is released from your ovary, it will survive for 12 to 24 hours. That means that it must meet the sperm within that window in order for it to become fertilized. The good news is that healthy sperm survives in your body for up to five days.

This is why knowing when you ovulate is so important.

Say you ovulate on Wednesday at midnight. Having sex or insemination anytime on Wednesday means that the sperm is potentially going to meet the egg during that 12- to 24-hour window. But if you had sex or insemination on Tuesday (or Monday, or maybe even Sunday or Saturday), the sperm may still be alive and waiting for the egg when it’s released. So if you are anticipating ovulation within a few days, having sex or insemination ahead of time will increase the chances of having living sperm ready and waiting to fertilize your egg.

Read more: The actual odds of getting pregnant each month

4. Use apps and tests to identify your most fertile time

Adding in apps and tests to help you identify your most fertile time can be really helpful. As I share in The Motherly Guide to Becoming Mama, “Some providers don’t recommend using ovulation predictor kits right away because they worry that we might become too reliant on the (not-foolproof) technology. If you miss the subtle physical body signs described above, you might miss your window of fertility.” Ultimately, you get to be the boss here and choose the method that works best for you.

If you decide to incorporate fertility apps and tests into your getting pregnant plant, here are a few to try:

• Ovulation strips: We love the ones from Natalist. Just pee on the strip. If the test line is as dark or darker than the control, you are likely fertile.
• Fertility monitors (like Kegg or Clearblue Fertility Monitor): These trackers can tell you when your fertility is low, high and peak.
• Apps (like Glow and Kindara): They allow you to track your period, ovulation signs and tests, intercourse and insemination, and even your sleep to help you determine your most fertile windows.
• Wearable devices (like Ava): When you wear it on your wrist overnight, this device detects changes in your body that indicate approaching ovulation.

Related: Ovulation tests can improve your chances of conceiving, study shows

5. Read your body’s signs of ovulation

Here are the physical signs of ovulation to pay attention to:

• Cervical mucus: The normal vaginal discharge that changes as you progress through your cycle. It will go from nonexistent or dry to sticky, then creamy, and then wet, and then finally it will be the consistency of egg whites. That egg-white consistency means it’s fertile cervical mucus and indicates that you are about to ovulate. It’s the most sperm-friendly because they can easily swim through it up to the uterus.
• Basal body temperature: If you’re taking your temperature every day to chart your cycle using a fertility app or chart, you’ll notice that just as you ovulate, you may see a slight drop in your basal body temperature, followed by an increase.
• Cervical position: If you’re up for doing your own vaginal exam, you might note that your cervix is softer, higher and more open around the time of ovulation.

You may also experience slight pain/cramping, breast tenderness, spotting and an increased interest in sex around your ovulation window.

6. Have sex or plan your insemination

If you are trying to get pregnant via sex, and you’re not tracking ovulation, have sex every other day all month long. If you are tracking ovulation, and your partner has an average or high sperm count, you can have sex every day in your fertile window. If they have a low sperm count, have sex every other day in order to boost the sperm concentration in the ejaculate (your provider can help you determine what your partner’s sperm count is).

One note: Sperm is healthiest when ejaculation happens every two to three days, so encourage your partner or sperm donor not to wait too many days between orgasms.

If you are trying to get pregnant via assisted reproductive technologies, your provider will likely be the one to help you time your appointments. If you are doing at-home insemination, using the apps and monitors above in addition to watching your ovulation signs will help you determine when it’s time.

Related: I hate sex when I’m trying to conceive

7. Keep these pointers in mind when trying to make a baby

• Do what feels right: Know that it’s a myth that any specific sexual position will improve your chances of conception.
• However, do try for an orgasm: “Orgasm can stimulate uterine contractions, which may help to promote sperm transport through the reproductive tract,” says Dr. Sanaz Ghazal, co-founder and medical director of RISE Fertility, and a double-certified fertility specialist.
• If you use lube, be sure it’s one that won’t inhibit conception: “Some vaginal lubricants can actually decrease fertility by having adverse effects on the sperm. Over-the-counter water-based lubricants like Astroglide, K-Y Jelly and K-Y Touch can decrease sperm motility by as much as 60% to 100%,” says Dr. Ghazal. Instead, choose lubricants that are sperm-safe, like Pre-Seed.

Related: A nutritionist’s guide to the best foods for pregnancy, from the early days to the third trimester

8. Have fun with baby making!

I have a love-hate relationship with this piece of advice. Trying to get pregnant can become a bit stressful, and it’s OK to admit it. That said, see if you can find ways to make the process as enjoyable as possible. Take care of yourself and each other if you are partnered. Don’t force yourself to do anything that doesn’t feel right.

Ready to know for sure? Here are a couple pregnancy tests we recommend!

Natalist

• $16

Clinically proven to be over 99% accurate (when used up to 3 days before your expected period), Natalist’s clear and easy to use pregnancy tests were clearly developed by a team of moms. Their instructions are to the point, the packaging is discreet and beautiful and as the only certified plastic neutral pregnancy test on the market, they take care of Mother Earth as well.

(Price is for a box of 4)

Labcorp On Demand

• $49

If you’re high risk, using fertility treatments or seeking an answer earlier than would show up on a traditional urine test, you may be considering a blood test instead. Through Labcorp On Demand you can access pregnancy blood tests, no doctor visit required. Simply purchase through their website and visit one of their 2,000+ locations around the US (many in Walgreens!) for your sample collection. Easy-to-read results show up online in your Labcorp OnDemand account as soon as possible. (Note that Labcorp does not currently offer locations for sample collection in HI, ME, ND, or VT but if you’re willing to travel for sample collection, you can still purchase!)

A version of this story was originally posted on January 16, 2020. It has been updated.

12 things to do when trying for a baby

There are things you can do now before you try for a baby that will affect your fertility and the health of your baby.

Your health before pregnancy will affect the lifelong health of your baby. By following the advice below you can:

• improve your fertility
• protect your baby’s future health
• bring down your risk of problems in pregnancy.

Once you start trying for a baby (have stopped contraception) you won't know you're pregnant for the first few weeks.

So, if you're trying for a baby, making these changes sooner rather than later will give you peace of mind when you get pregnant.

Are you ready to conceive? Check now with our online tool.

These are the things to do before pregnancy to make your pregnancy and baby healthier.

• If you smoke, quit smoking or cut down
• If you drink alcohol, stop or cut down
• If you take drugs, stop
• Start taking folic acid now, it needs time to build up in your body
• Have a healthy balanced diet – it improves fertility as well as affecting your baby’s future health
• Cut down on caffeine if you drink a lot
• Try to get closer to a healthy weight if you are overweight.
• Become more active if you are not already – this has been shown to improve fertility and will make your pregnancy and baby healthier
• Have a cervical screening test if you haven’t had one in the last three years
• Check that you have had the MMR vaccine against rubella
• Don’t take any new medication or stop taking existing medications without talking to your GP or healthcare professional
• Get tested for STIs if you think there’s a possibility you may have one

1.

Smoking affects fertility (the ability to get pregnant) in men and women. If you stop smoking now it will improve your chances of conceiving. Smoking has also been shown to damage the DNA of your baby. During pregnancy smoking is the biggest risk factor for serious complications in pregnancy that you can change.

Get support to stop smoking. 

2. Start taking folic acid now

Folic acid needs to build up in your body to provide maximum protection for your baby against neural tube defects. Many women conceive within one month of trying so it is ideal to start taking folic acid two months before you stop contraception. If you have already stopped contraception, start taking a 400mcg folic acid supplement daily  until you are 12 weeks pregnant.

Some women may be prescribed 5mg of folic acid.

Find out more about folic acid

3. Eat well

You can improve your fertility by eating a healthy, balanced diet. The best foods include wholegrain, unsaturated fats and vegetable proteins such as lentils and beans.

Your diet before and during pregnancy will also affect your baby’s development in the womb and their health in the future. A healthy diet for pregnancy is the same as a healthy diet for life.

A dietitian can help if you have a condition that requires specific diets or nutritional requirements, such as diabetes.

Find out more about your diet, fertility and pregnancy.

4. Reduce your caffeine intake

Research shows that consuming too much caffeine while you are trying to conceive can increase the risk of miscarriage. The research shows that this applies to both women and men. Too much caffeine in pregnancy has also been shown to be harmful to the developing baby.

If you’re planning to conceive, you and your partner should consider   limiting your caffeine intake to 200mg a day.

You can use our caffeine calculator (link) to check your caffeine intake.

5. Try to maintain a healthy weight

Your BMI (Body Mass Index) is a measure that uses your height and weight to work out if your weight is healthy. The ideal BMI before conception is between 18.5 and 24.9.

Being overweight

Having a high BMI (over 25) can reduce your fertility and increases the risk of complications in pregnancy. Being overweight can also contribute to fertility problems in men (links to dad’s health).

If you have a very high BMI (over 30) you may feel like it is an impossible task to reach the healthy range and you may have been struggling with your weight your whole life. Try not to lose heart, bringing your BMI a few points down the scale can make a big difference.There is professional support available if you need it.

Find out more about being overweight and planning a pregnancy.

Being underweight

If your BMI is in the underweight range (18.5 or less) it may affect your fertility and cause health problems during pregnancy. It may help to put on weight gradually with a healthy diet. There are many reasons why a person may be underweight. You GP can give you help and advice.

Find out more about being underweight and planning a pregnancy

6. Stay active

Being active by doing regular, moderate exercise before and after you conceive will help your fertility as well as benefiting your pregnancy and baby in the long term. Women who are physically active are more likely to have children who are physically active too.

The Department of Health recommends:

• at least 150 minutes of moderate aerobic activity a week and
• strength exercises on two or more days a week that work all the major muscles

Find out more about physical activity and planning a pregnancy.

7. Stop drinking alcohol 

Excessive or binge drinking is defined as regular consumption (drinking) of alcohol above recommended levels. Excessive drinking is linked to reduced fertility in both men (link to dad’s health) and women. 

Drinking alcohol in pregnancy increases the risk of complications. This is especially true during the first three months of pregnancy as this is when the baby’s brain is developing.  You will not know when you are pregnant and that’s why the recommendation is that the safest thing to do is not drink any alcohol at all if you’re actively trying for a baby. It can be very difficult for some people to stop drinking alcohol. There are advice and treatment services available if you need support.

Find out more about alcohol and planning a pregnancy

8. Don’t take non-prescription, recreational drugs

Non-prescription, recreational drugs, such as cannabis or cocaine can contriibute to fertility problems for men and women. Illegal drugs can also cause serious complications in pregnancy. It can be very difficult for some people to stop taking drugs. There are advice and treatment services available if you need support.

Find out more about illegal drugs and getting pregnant

9. Have a cervical screening test

If you are aged between 25 and 49 you should have a cervical screening test every three years. It’s best to get tested before you get pregnant because pregnancy can make the results of your test harder to interpret.

If you’re planning a pregnancy contact your GP surgery to find out if your screening is due now or within the next year. 

Find out more about cervical screening tests.

10. Check you have had your MMR vaccination

MMR stands for Measles, Mumps, Rubella. Rubella is rare, but can be very dangerous to a baby’s development, especially during the early stages of pregnancy.

The MMR vaccination will protect you and your baby. It is normally given to children in two injections before they reach 6 years of age.

If you have not been vaccinated or are unsure whether you have been vaccinated call your GP practice to see if they have a record. If you have no record of them, make an appointment to get vaccinated. Even if you had them before getting them again is not harmful.

Find out more about MMR vaccinations.

11. Have a sexual health check-up if there’s a reason to believe you may have an STI

Sexually transmitted infections can affect your fertility, as well as any future pregnancy and baby.

If there is any reason to think you or your reproductive partner may have a STI, it’s important that you both get tested. The best places to go are a GUM clinic, sexual health clinic, your own doctor or a young people’s clinic.

Find out more about sexually transmitted infections and conception

12. Talk to your doctor about any pre-existing conditions, any medications you are taking or previous pregnancy complications

Talk to your GP or specialist healthcare professional if you are planning to conceive and have any known, long-term medical conditions for which you take medication, such as epilepsy, diabetes, asthma or mental health conditions.

Some conditions and the medications used to treat them may make it harder to get pregnant. There may also be some risks linked to your condition or the medication used to treat them and pregnancy.

It is important not to stop taking medication before talking to a doctor or specialist about your plans to conceive. They will talk you through the safest choices during pregnancy with you.

Not ticking anywhere. Why some Russians are in no hurry to have children

Among Russians who do not have children and are not going to have them yet, half of them feel pressure from others about this. In a new study, we found out why some Russians put off having a baby and why some Russians do not want to become parents in principle.

The study involved Russians aged 21-45 who do not have children and do not plan to have them in the next three years. Among them, 62% want to have their own child in the future, another 27% do not intend to have children, and 12% do not want their own child, but may consider adoption or surrogacy. nine0005

It is noteworthy that respondents who do not want to have children of their own are less likely to call their childhood happy than respondents who plan to have a child in the future (76% and 87% respectively).

Reasons why Russians put off having a child

We asked respondents who plan to have their own children in the future what obstacles they see for this at the moment. So, b o the majority (43%) are not financially ready for a child, 39% do not have a partner with whom they could think about children, 29% - suitable housing conditions, also 29% are still satisfied with a childless life. A quarter (25%) are not psychologically ready for a child, 20% each are not sure that they can handle it, or do not have a strong desire to have children.

At the same time, women more than men are not ready to have a child at the moment due to financial difficulties (50% and 33% respectively), unsuitable living conditions (31% and 26%), psychological unpreparedness (32% and 14%) and uncertainty that they can cope with the child (26% and 12%). Men, on the other hand, answered more often that they did not have a person with whom they would think about children (44% versus 36% of women). nine0005

It is also worth noting that among the respondents who want their own child in the future, 51% are afraid that for some reason they will not be able to achieve what they want.

Why some of the respondents do not want to become parents

Next, we asked respondents who do not plan to have their own children why they adhere to this position. B o Most of the respondents (41%) do not feel the need for a child, 35% do not want children for financial reasons, 34% because of the uncertain future of the country and the world, 32% are satisfied with their lives and do not want to change it. Many also noted economic instability in the world (27%), unwillingness to go through pregnancy (27%) and have responsibility for a child (27%), another 27% believe that children will restrict their freedom. Also, 25% do not plan to have children of their own for medical reasons. nine0005

At the same time, respondents who are considering adoption or surrogacy most often answered that they do not want to go through pregnancy and childbirth (39% versus 22% of respondents who do not want to have children at all), and also that they do not plan to have a child for medical reasons. reasons (40% versus 18%). And respondents who do not want to become parents at all were more likely to say that they do not feel the need for this (46% vs. 34% of respondents who are ready to consider adoption and surrogacy), and that they generally do not like children (26% vs. 19%).

The data also differ by age. So, the younger the respondents, the more often they answered that they did not feel the need to have children (53% of respondents aged 21-25 versus 28% of citizens aged 41-45), that they were not ready to take responsibility (38% versus 16%) and do not want to go through pregnancy and childbirth (49% versus 9%).

Note that among the respondents who are not going to have their own children, 42% admitted that they can change their plans.

Women are much more likely to experience pressure due to not having children

In general, 51% of the total number of respondents admitted that they feel pressure from someone because of their unwillingness to have children at the moment. Thus, 22% feel pressure from their parents, 21% from society as a whole, 15% from other relatives, and 11% from colleagues and friends who have children. Also, 7% are pressured by grandparents, 3% by a loved one, 2% by a husband or wife.

At the same time, according to the survey, women are much more likely than men to experience pressure due to their unwillingness to have children at the moment (56% vs. 39%).

Do you ever plan to have children of your own?

Do you ever plan to have children of your own?

What barriers to having a baby do you personally see for yourself at the moment?

What barriers to having a baby do you personally see for yourself at the moment?

What are your reasons for never planning to have children of your own?

What are your reasons for never planning to have children of your own? nine0005

Do you feel pressure from anyone because you don't want to have children at the moment?

Study sample

From 22 to 29 June, using the online panel "Anketologist", 1,400 Russians aged 21-45 who do not have children and do not plan to have them in the next three years were interviewed. Of these: 37% are men, 63% are women. Age: 18-25 years old - 18%, 26-30 years old - 20%, 31-35 years old - 25%, 36-40 years old - 19%, 41-45 years old - 18%.

How to help a child who has moved to a new class

Ekaterina Ushakhina

A child who has moved to a new class due to a move or other circumstances, finds himself in a new team, may feel awkward and uncomfortable. He especially needs the support of parents or other significant adults.

In this article, we have collected tips that will help your child adapt to a new team, find friends and feel more confident.

Share these tips with your child. nine0005

If you are afraid to approach strangers

The first days at a new school can be difficult. There are guys around who know each other well, and you are a beginner. I really want to find friends as soon as possible and stop worrying. How to approach strangers and make friends?

It's natural to be a little nervous when you're about to approach someone you don't know. You may feel pain in your stomach or notice that your hands are shaking slightly: these are all normal signs of anxiety and excitement. To calm down faster, try deep breathing or start a positive self-talk. nine0005

Deep breathing

Practice at home: inhale deeply and slowly five times through your nose and exhale through your mouth. This should help calm you down. Once you have mastered this technique, use it before approaching a new company.

Positive internal dialogue

Here it is important not to prepare yourself for failure, but, on the contrary, mentally cheer yourself up. Research shows that by focusing on positive thoughts, we feel more confident, our self-esteem increases. You can tell yourself something like this:

“I can!”

“I will do everything in my power”

“The most unpleasant thing that can happen is they will simply refuse me, and this I will survive”

“I can be friends”

Greetings

The person you want to get to know a little closer, first of all, you need to address somehow. This is often the hardest thing to do, especially for those who tend to be shy. It’s a good idea to think about how to start a conversation in advance, you can even practice. You don’t need to invent anything special - start with a simple “hello”. Do not hide your eyes and smile (these details are very important) - this way you will demonstrate your good intentions and, perhaps, cheer up your interlocutor. nine0005

1. Before approaching someone, pay attention to what this person is doing and talking to, as well as how friendly and open he looks. Friendly people often smile; the less friendly usually argue or laugh at others.

2. Approach the person or company. If everyone is talking, stay close until you have an opportunity to start a conversation. Don't interrupt and wait for a pause. If a person looks at you or smiles, then most likely he does not mind talking. If someone is standing alone, this is the best time to start a conversation. nine0005

3. First, state your name and ask the other person's name. It’s better not to complicate here, say for example: “Hi, I’m Max, what’s your name?” When the interlocutor says his name, be sure to repeat it: “Hi, Anya, nice to meet you!”

How to start a conversation

After the greeting, the conversation starts, try to support it and also say something. By joining a conversation that has already begun, you can easily make acquaintances.

If you want to take the initiative and start a conversation, choose the right time and place. In the corridor, a minute before the call to the lesson, you won’t especially talk - there won’t be enough time, but at lunch or at a big break, before the start of classes or after school, it can be easier to start a conversation. nine0005

Here are some topics to start a conversation with:

• weather
• an activity you liked recently
• events at school, such as a party or dance
• sports, such as a football match shown over the weekend
• your travels
• pets (dogs, cats, fish and even spiders)
• your plans: what are you going to do and where do you want to go
• favorite video games, food, places, series, sports

Source

Phrases to start a conversation with a stranger

The more you practice making friends and starting a conversation, the better you will get. Here are the phrases to start a conversation:

rain”

“How do you like the math test? In my opinion, very difficult”

“Watched hockey on Sunday?”

How are you? nine0028