Trouble having a baby

Having trouble conceiving | Jean Hailes

Endometriosis

Endometriosis is a common and often painful condition that affects approximately ten per cent of women. It occurs when the tissue that normally lines the uterus (the endometrium) grows outside the lining of the uterus. The misplaced tissue commonly grows on the uterine (fallopian) tubes, the ovaries or the tissue lining the pelvis (the peritoneum).

How does endometriosis affect fertility?

It is thought that around 30% of women with endometriosis are infertile, however further research is needed to confirm this.

In mild endometriosis there is no obvious reason why infertility occurs. It may be because the endometriosis cells release chemicals that interfere with the ability to conceive or affect early normal development of the embryo.

In moderate to severe endometriosis, scarring may cause interference with ovulation and the passage of the egg along the tube because of damage or blockage. It can also prevent the sperm from reaching the egg.

Not all women with endometriosis are infertile. Many women have children without difficulty, have already had children before they are diagnosed, or eventually have a successful pregnancy.

Treatment options

Surgical treatment of endometriosis, such as an operation called a laparoscopy to remove the endometriosis, is believed to increase the chances of pregnancy.

In an operation using laparoscopy the overall pregnancy rate was approximately 42% of women with endometriosis [1]. Approximately 45% of women will develop a recurrence of endometriosis after laparoscopic surgery for endometriosis [2].

If surgical treatment is unsuccessful, in vitro fertilisation (IVF) treatments may also be considered. However, before trying this form of treatment it is important that your endometriosis is properly treated, as the oestrogen levels involved may flare up any existing endometriosis.

Adenomyosis

Adenomyosis is a condition of the uterus (womb) where the cells which normally form a lining on the inside of the uterus also grow in the muscle wall of the uterus. If adenomyosis is centred in one area, it can lead to a mass of adenomyosis called an adenomyoma.

Adenomyosis is only seen in women in their reproductive years because its growth requires oestrogen. After menopause, adenomyosis lessens because of the lack of oestrogen.

Does adenomyosis affect fertility?

Studies suggest there may be changes in the ability of the uterine muscles to contract appropriately. Also, these endometrial cells inside the muscle may release body chemicals which lead to subfertility.

Fibroids

Fibroids (also known as uterine fibromyomas, leiomyomas or myomas) are non-cancerous growths or lumps of muscle tissue that form within the walls of the uterus (womb).

Fibroids can vary in size ranging from the size of a pea to the size of a rock melon or larger.

It is not known exactly why fibroids occur. However, we do know that the female hormones, oestrogen (estrogen) and progesterone play a significant role in stimulating the growth of fibroids.

Fibroids occur in women of reproductive age, growing at varying rates until the onset of menopause, when they tend to decrease in size and may slowly shrink in size due to the loss of oestrogen and progesterone.

Do fibroids affect fertility?

Infertility is not a common problem for women with fibroids, less than 3% of women may have fertility problems as a result of fibroids. Fibroids can interfere with implantation of the embryo into the uterus, increase the risk of miscarriage or impact the progress of labour depending on the size and position.

Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS)

PCOS is the most common endocrine (hormonal) disorder in women. Symptoms include menstrual problems such as irregular periods and anovulation (lack of ovulation), high androgen (testosterone) levels which can cause male patterned hair growth and acne and metabolic problems which cause weight gain and an increased risk of type 2 diabetes.

PCOS and fertility

One of the first things you may have been told when diagnosed with PCOS was that the condition can affect your ability to have children. Whilst this is true for some women who have PCOS, 60% of women with PCOS become pregnant naturally. Some women may experience reduced fertility or it may take longer to conceive.

In women with PCOS the hormone changes that can cause irregular cycles may also affect ovulation and therefore affect fertility. Lack of ovulation is the most common cause of infertility in PCOS. An anovulatory cycle is a menstrual cycle in which ovulation fails to occur. This means that you do bleed but do not release an egg or ovulate.

In addition, body weight has an impact on fertility for women especially for those with PCOS.

Further help

There are many things you can do to improve your fertility and treatments are available if you have difficulty conceiving. See your doctor to first discuss treatment of your PCOS symptoms tailored to your individual needs. This might include some changes to lifestyle and/or medication.

Premature & early menopause

Premature menopause

Premature menopause is when the final period occurs before a woman is 40. The reason for premature menopause may be because:

your periods stopped spontaneously but early (premature ovarian failure)
you have had surgery to remove both ovaries (oophorectomy)
chemotherapy has caused ovaries to fail

Early menopause

Early menopause is when the final period occurs before a woman is 45. Again the reasons may be spontaneous, surgical or chemical.

Effect on fertility

With premature and early menopause, the ovaries run out of eggs earlier than expected and they are unable to produce an egg or the hormones required for pregnancy.

Very rarely, (about a 2-5% lifetime chance), a woman may have a spontaneous pregnancy after a diagnosis of premature/early menopause.

Sometimes, premature/early menopause is diagnosed when a woman has sought help for fertility. If the ovaries fail to respond to the hormones used to produce eggs or if eggs fail to fertilise, these may be signs of premature/early menopause developing.

For a woman who has gone through premature/early menopause, depending on her circumstance her options for having children include:

a donor egg
surrogacy with a donor egg
adoption

To explore the best option for you, ask your doctor for a referral to a fertility specialist who is a member of one of the in vitro fertilisation (IVF) clinics.

Fertility & chemotherapy

If you have been diagnosed with cancer and premature/early menopause is likely to occur because of treatment for cancer, there are some things you can do before you have the treatment.

Before chemotherapy and/or radiotherapy, you could investigate your options for trying to preserve eggs for conception. There are a number of options including:

egg preservation
ovarian preservation
ovarian biopsy and freezing

Egg preservation

This takes place before chemotherapy.

The ovaries are hormonally stimulated to produce eggs and the eggs are then collected.

If you have a male partner, the eggs can be fertilised with your partner's sperm and the embryos are then frozen. When you are ready for pregnancy, the embryos are transferred into the uterus.

If you do not have a partner, the unfertilised eggs may be frozen. When you are ready for pregnancy, the eggs are thawed and a male partner's sperm or donor sperm is used to fertilise them. (This technology is still in development and sadly the success is limited).

Ovarian preservation

Some women are given therapy with a GnRH agonist – a hormone that causes a chemical reaction to control the ovary and eggs temporarily. This therapy is given during chemotherapy. After the chemotherapy stops, the GnRH agonist stops and the menstrual cycle should return. This therapy is not well developed or researched.

Ovarian biopsy & freezing

This procedure takes place before chemotherapy starts. A piece of ovary is excised (cut away) and frozen. After the chemotherapy is complete, the ovarian tissue is transplanted under skin and with hormone stimulation, eggs are collected. This technique has recently shown some success although is still in the research phase.

Thyroid problems

Your thyroid is a small bowtie or butterfly-shaped gland, located in your neck, wrapped around the windpipe. The thyroid gland takes iodine (mostly found in foods such as seafood and salt) to produce thyroid hormones. Two key thyroid hormones are triiodothyronine (T3) and thyroxine (T4). These hormones help oxygen get into cells and regulate the body's metabolism. The thyroid hormones also affect other important functions of the body such as growth.

There are number of factors that can put you at a higher risk of thyroid disease:

A personal history of autoimmune conditions, including Type 1 diabetes
If you have grown up in an area that was iodine deficient
If you have been exposed to head and neck radiation in the past

Thyroid conditions affect women five times more often than men.

If the thyroid is underactive, symptoms of hypothyroidism may occur. An overactive thyroid gland produces excess thyroid hormones and is called hyperthyroidism.

How a problem thyroid affects fertility and pregnancy

According to Dr Jennifer Wong, a consultant endocrinologist at Monash Health, a number of health problems are associated with a problematic thyroid:

Decreased fertility making it much harder to become pregnant
Increased risk of miscarriage
Increased risk of pre-term or early delivery
Hypertension (high blood pressure)
Premature birth

Diagnosing thyroid dysfunction

It is very important to detect thyroid problems in women pre-pregnancy and during the first 12 weeks of pregnancy as the foetus is dependent on the mother's thyroid hormone in the first trimester.

A simple, specific blood test will determine whether you have thyroid dysfunction. You can see your doctor for this test.

Thyroid treatment

If you are diagnosed with a thyroid condition, treatment is quite easy and manageable.

Premature & early menopause

Premature menopause

Premature menopause is when the final period occurs before a woman is 40. The reason for premature menopause may be because:

your periods stopped spontaneously but early (premature ovarian failure)
you have had surgery to remove both ovaries (oophorectomy)
chemotherapy has caused ovaries to fail

Early menopause

Early menopause is when the final period occurs before a woman is 45. Again the reasons may be spontaneous, surgical or chemical.

Effect on fertility

With premature and early menopause, the ovaries run out of eggs earlier than expected and they are unable to produce an egg or the hormones required for pregnancy.

Very rarely, (about a 2-5% lifetime chance), a woman may have a spontaneous pregnancy after a diagnosis of premature/early menopause.

For a woman who has gone through premature/early menopause, depending on her circumstance her options for having children include:

a donor egg
surrogacy with a donor egg
adoption

To explore the best option for you, ask your doctor for a referral to a fertility specialist who is a member of one of the in vitro fertilisation (IVF) clinics.

Turner's syndrome

The most common genetic cause of infertility in women is Turner's syndrome.

Turner's syndrome is a chromosomal condition that alters development in females. This condition occurs in about 1 in 2,500 female births worldwide.

It is caused by the complete or partial lack of one of the X chromosomes (female sex chromosome). This results in a range of complications, including stunted growth and development, deafness, an increased risk of heart and kidney problems and infertility. Women with this condition tend to be shorter than average and are usually unable to conceive a child because of an absence of ovarian function.

The majority of women with Turner's syndrome are infertile. There are two types of Turner's syndrome – XO who never have periods and XX/XO Mosaic who can have periods but have an early menopause. Spontaneous pregnancies (less than 5% of women) are associated with a high risk of miscarriage, and chromosomal and congenital abnormalities.

Pregnancy can be achieved at present through IVF technology with donor egg or embryo.

Due to early menopause, women with Turner Mosaic syndrome should not delay exploring their pregnancy options for too long, if this is possible.

Counselling regarding fertility and pregnancy is highly recommended for all women with Turner's syndrome.

Why Can’t I Get Pregnant?

When you’re ready to start a family and you’re not getting pregnant, it can be frustrating and overwhelming. Especially if you’ve tried the conventional methods to maximize your chances: having frequent intercourse during your fertile window, tracking your temperature every morning and using tools like ovulation tracker apps and predictor kits.

You may start to wonder — is this a medical problem or do I simply need to be more patient? You’re not alone. One in 8 couples struggles to conceive. Chantel Cross, M.D., a reproductive endocrinologist and infertility specialist with the Johns Hopkins Fertility Center at the Johns Hopkins Health Care & Surgery Center — Green Spring Station in Lutherville, Maryland, explains what factors might be affecting your ability to get pregnant and when you might consider infertility treatment.

How is infertility defined?

Infertility is defined as the inability to become pregnant after one year of unprotected sex for women under 35 and six months for women 35 and older.

“The vast majority of people will become pregnant within the first 12 months of trying to conceive with regular unprotected intercourse,” says Cross. “After six months to a year of trying — depending on a woman’s age — we recommend that a couple comes in for an infertility evaluation. At that point, it’s more likely that there’s a problem preventing pregnancy. ”

Medical Conditions Affecting Infertility

One or more factors may contribute to infertility. The most common problems include:

Fallopian tube obstruction

Blocked or scarred fallopian tubes that prevent sperm from reaching the egg are a frequent cause of infertility, especially among African Americans. A history of pelvic infection, sexually transmitted disease or endometriosis increases your risk for fallopian tube obstruction.

Irregular uterine shape

An irregularly shaped uterus can make it difficult for a fertilized egg to attach to the uterine wall. Abnormalities can be caused by uterine fibroids (noncancerous growths on the uterine wall) or scar tissue from surgery or infection. It could also be the way your uterus is shaped.

Ovulation disorder

Sometimes women don’t ovulate regularly and consistently. Sporadic menstrual cycles can be caused by conditions such as polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), hormonal imbalances or obesity. Ovulation can also be impacted by excessive exercise, stress or low body weight.

Male factor

In more than 30 percent of infertility cases, there’s a problem with sperm such as low sperm count or abnormal sperm movement or shape. Male factor infertility can be due to a number of reasons including trauma, medical conditions like diabetes and unhealthy habits such as heavy drinking and smoking.

The Impact of Stress on Fertility

It’s normal to feel anxious when you’re trying to conceive. But whether or not that impacts fertility is up for debate. What we do know is that managing stress is good for you, no matter what life stage you’re in.

Age Is a Major Factor for Women

You’ve probably heard the phrase “your biological clock is ticking.” This phrase refers to your fertile window. Women can’t conceive after their menstrual cycles stop, usually sometime in your 40s or 50s. Men produce sperm throughout their lives, but women are born with a set number of eggs that decreases as you age.

“At birth you have about two million eggs but naturally lose hundreds of thousands of them by the time you reach puberty,” says Cross. “Your body continues to lose eggs no matter what you do. And the rate at which women lose eggs accelerates around the age of 37.”

The quality of eggs stored in the ovaries also declines over time. “The eggs you’re born with are naturally paused in the process of dividing their DNA,” Cross explains. “They complete that process, or ripen, when you ovulate them 20 to 40 years later. The longer eggs are stuck in the mid-division stage, the more likely that process will go wrong — creating eggs with the wrong number of chromosomes. That results in not becoming pregnant, experiencing miscarriages or having babies with genetic syndromes due to chromosomal abnormalities.”

The bottom line: The quality and number of eggs a woman has decreases throughout her lifetime and egg loss accelerates around the age of 37, which makes it more difficult to become pregnant.

Do I Need Infertility Treatment?

If you’re having trouble conceiving, an infertility specialist may be able to help. The first step after 12 months of trying to conceive (six months if you’re 35 or older) is to schedule an infertility evaluation. This multipart assessment includes:

Physical examination
Pelvic ultrasound
Blood work
Semen analysis
Evaluation of the uterus and fallopian tubes (by specialized x-rays or ultrasounds)

If you or your partner have a known medical condition that affects the uterus, fallopian tubes, sperm or ovulation, talk to your doctor to see if you should be evaluated sooner. For example, if you know that both of your fallopian tubes are blocked, you’ll need to see an infertility specialist even before trying to get pregnant.

Infertility treatment options

Depending on the results of your infertility evaluation, there are several treatment options:

Ovulation medications: Oral or injectable medications improve ovulation patterns or may encourage more than one egg to be released each month, increasing the likelihood of conceiving.
Intrauterine insemination (IUI): This procedure can be performed on its own or in combination with ovulation medications. A small catheter places good-quality semen directly into a woman’s uterus, eliminating the need for sperm to swim up the vaginal canal.
In vitro fertilization (IVF): During this procedure, one or more eggs is removed from the ovaries and fertilized with sperm in a lab setting. The resulting embryo is then implanted into the uterus, bypassing fertilization challenges within the body.

Every couple and their journey to start a family is unique. Talk to your doctor about your options.

TOP-5 psychological problems after the birth of a child

Psychology

January 8, 2021

The main goal of our Clinic is to help couples in pregnancy and childbirth. An equally important topic in this matter is the correct attitude to many familiar things that will 100% change as soon as your baby is born!

1️⃣ Who is this unknown woman? 😳

“My wife has changed!” - such words can be heard from men during and after the pregnancy of their wives. And this, alas, is the purest truth.

Scientists have proven that pregnant women experience a temporary decrease in cognitive functions: memory suffers, there are problems with executive functions - the ability to plan actions and respond to external stimuli. In addition, the feeling of empathy decreases, and some important social processes slow down.

The only advice : men, be patient, because the changes persist for 2 years after childbirth! 🤱

2️⃣ Problems with self-esteem or "I'm ugly!" 🙈

It must be understood that a young mother has little time to take care of her appearance (especially if the child is her firstborn) . A young mother worries about how she looks after giving birth, and the reaction of other people to her appearance can even cause a serious psychological blow to self-esteem.

Recipe : love yourself again!
It is necessary (and even necessary!) to allow yourself pleasant little things, and also: go in for sports, set aside time for visiting a beauty salon, learn how to spend money not only on your family, but also on yourself!

3️⃣ It's not fair! 😤

It is better to prepare for possible psychological problems in advance!

A young mother may think that her father's lifestyle has hardly changed. At the same time, a young father may feel left out, because the focus is not on him, but on the child.

Tip : communicate as much as possible, discuss everything cleanly, share responsibilities among yourself. The advice from the previous point will help with the same problem: find time for pleasure, but this time joint. What about a dinner at a restaurant, a short trip, an erotic massage...?

It is better to prepare for possible psychological problems in advance!

4️⃣ Bring back the sex! 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨

After having a baby, few women want sex (almost none!).
This is a completely normal phenomenon: firstly, the hormonal background changes; secondly, the constraint factor from a somewhat changed own body turns out to be not the last; finally, normal physical recovery takes effect. And this is just a basic list! Was it worth saying that the lack of sex after the birth of a child only exacerbates the already not always simple psychological situation in the family?

What to do? Experts assure: you should have sex, even if you do it only for the pleasure of your husband. By following this simple recommendation, the desire will soon return, and even with a vengeance!

5️⃣ Belonging to the baby and social isolation 👤

Very often, a young mother has all her thoughts directed at the baby, soon there is a feeling of dependence on him, which is accompanied by feelings of loss of freedom, sharp reactions to advice and instructions, a feeling that, as if “not you belong to yourself." In addition, the social circle is also narrowed down to talking with children's toys ...

Advice : "happy mother - happy baby" ! In no case should you forget about yourself, you should not deny yourself your own needs! As for the hunger for communication - for this there are parental centers, close friends, the Internet, after all. Remember that by placing responsibility for your leisure time on your husband, you will not do better: whether you like it or not, you will have to decide on your own circle of friends. This does not mean that you do not have the right to ask for help; it only means that you must take an active psychological position in solving this problem.

We will answer your questions!
Call:

+7 (4712) 70-76-76

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Now there are three of us: how to save a family after the birth of a child?

151,797

For parents Man and woman

While waiting for the birth of our first child, we mentally prepare for many difficulties: sleepless nights, childhood whims and illnesses, chronic fatigue. .. But even the most far-sighted do not assume that the happiest event in a couple’s life often becomes starting point for its destruction. Is it possible to save a relationship if there are three of you?

How to save a family? Life stories and a commentary by a psychotherapist

Numerous studies confirm this paradoxical thesis: in the first year of a child's life, satisfaction with one's own marriage decreases significantly. The statistics presented in the University of Denver study are staggering: 90% of couples say so. According to research, this also applies to those people whose relationships before pregnancy seemed wonderful to them.

Moreover, the higher the expectations of a man and a woman from future parenthood, the more difficult they experience this period: instead of closeness, distance comes, instead of mutual understanding, disagreements about upbringing. It is no coincidence that, under Russian law, a man does not have the right to divorce his wife without her consent during pregnancy and in the first year of a child's life.

What happens to a couple after the birth of their first child? Psychologists identify several aspects, including social and cultural attitudes in society, the highest level of stress in the first months after childbirth, as well as gender differences in the behavior of men and women during this period. We talked to experts about each of them.

From the dyad to the triad

“In the relationship between a man and a woman, huge changes are taking place at this moment,” explains psychologist Daria Utkina, founder of group classes for childbirth preparation. - Their roles are changing dramatically: before they were lovers, and now they have become young parents. This transformation takes a long time."

At first, this is shocking: you have known each other for many years (or months), and suddenly one fine morning comes the realization that this is not at all the person you swore to love forever. Inna Khamitova, a systemic family psychotherapist, considers this a completely natural process: “Parenthood turns people into a completely new side to each other. And people, in a sense, need to get to know each other again, even if they have been together for 10 years. And the couple is either adapting to these changes, or it's the beginning of the end."

The birth of a child concerns not only his mother and father, but their relatives and even friends

All family and social ties undergo significant changes, and they also affect relationships within the couple. “Much depends on the position of grandparents - how they see their role in raising a child and how much this coincides with the expectations of his parents,” comments Daria Utkina. - And depending on how important their social activity was for dad or mom, it is easier or harder for them to adapt to a new life. We all know those famous “baby poop” talks of new parents – how does it even fit into your previous lifestyle?”

Of course, all these processes are individual and depend on the characteristics of the individual. “In addition, after the birth of a child, certain internal conflicts arise in each of us related to relationships with our own parents,” notes Inna Khamitova. - And this can also provoke estrangement between spouses. Still, the triangle is a more stable structure than the dyad. And if the couple managed to survive the crisis period, the relationship becomes much stronger. If you let this situation take its course, a crack appears in the family, which can then turn into an abyss.

If it is too difficult for one or both parents to change their habits, the child becomes a catalyst for conflict, because it brings such a level of stress into life that the couple questions: are we ready to include this third person in our relationship? Or do we want to pass it on to nannies and grandmothers, continuing the relationship that we had? Or do we understand that it is impossible to build relationships further?

"They can be answered approximately by the end of the first year of a child's life, because it is then that the realization comes that a child is forever. " In addition, there is a certain request from society: a year is given to young parents for adaptation, but after this period it is expected that they will begin to lead a familiar lifestyle.

Difficult for everyone

During pregnancy and after childbirth, a woman experiences a colossal hormonal shock in her body. Each mother reacts to it differently: for many, the baby becomes something that protects from the outside world, especially during breastfeeding.

“In addition to biological factors, every woman has her own unique psychological experience,” emphasizes Daria Utkina. - For some, this is the engine, and for someone - the reason for depression. But in any case, this is a huge physical and mental work, and at the same time there is still a child with whom you need to establish a connection, and a partner with whom you need to build relationships in a new way.

At this moment, the father also experiences serious stress: is he ready for such a responsibility, "has he built a house and planted a tree. " And this stress is only exacerbated by the inflated expectations of men and women from themselves and from each other.

Everyone forgets about the man who became a dad, and this is an equivalent event!

Moreover, unlike a woman, for whom there are many techniques and rituals in culture to adapt to her new role, for a man this process can be much more difficult.

“Although these are only symbolic rituals, a woman is greeted with flowers from the maternity hospital, given gifts for children's birthdays, and much more,” comments Daria Utkina. - But everyone forgets about the man who became a dad, and this is an equivalent event! In fact, there is no way for him to initiate other than going to a bar with friends and getting drunk. And if he chose instead to go, for example, to childbirth, where the center is a woman, and then a child, then it turns out that he experienced a huge shock, but it is not symbolically marked in any way. He has to rely not on traditions, but to look for new ways for himself.

As a result, we see two people who do not sleep at night, are in a state of extreme stress and anxiety, who have a baby who also wants to understand how to live in this world. Both partners experience all sorts of pressure: from each other, from relatives, friends, society.

Daria Utkina speaks with concern about the trend of recent years: “Now there is a certain social model - a woman who, immediately after giving birth, should lead the same lifestyle as before pregnancy. She works, leads a social life, looks slim and sexy - no whims and changes. This is broadcast from magazines, TV, books and, firstly, creates for a man an absolutely wrong picture of how it really happens. And secondly, it exerts incredible pressure on a woman who experiences a double sense of guilt.

Thus, a woman is denied the most important thing - to feel like a full-fledged mother and calmly find harmony with her own child.

Keys to mutual understanding

It is at this stressful point that problems arise, which later can lead, if not to a break in relations, then to a serious distance between partners. “The birth of a child, like a litmus test, reveals those unresolved problems in a couple that were before the birth,” says Inna Khamitova. “If the partners have not agreed on the shore about their responsibilities and roles, or simply have not created a trusting relationship, then when the child appears and the tasks become even greater, it is already much more difficult to do this.”

This process can take very sharp forms and develop into constant scandals. The first advice for future parents is to seriously prepare for the birth of a child. And not in a children's store, buying booties, but at the negotiating table, discussing all possible negative points and risks.

“Learn more about childbirth and the postpartum period,” advises Daria Utkina. - Go to courses for pregnant women together, read specialized literature. It is very important to discuss in advance whether you need a nanny or a housekeeper, what role grandparents will play. And most importantly, what do you expect from each other.

The key to mutual understanding is to give the partner the opportunity and time to realize their new role

The birth of a child for most people is the main event in life. But at the same time, the realization that this life will never be the same does not come to young parents immediately. For objective reasons, they are forced to change their lifestyle, schedule, habits - and for some this becomes a problem. Especially for men who, unlike women, are not naturally endowed with hormones that allow them to quickly realize their parenthood. Therefore, they often need more time to adapt, and here the key to mutual understanding is to give the partner the opportunity and time to realize the new role. Instead of reproaches and ultimatums, it is worth explaining in detail why a new life requires certain sacrifices on the part of both parents.

Physical difficulties and a hormonal surge seriously affect the emotional state of a young mother - psychologists often call it "altered", meaning that she can behave completely differently than before the birth of a child. Even the most balanced woman can suddenly become whiny and capricious. Many mothers describe the first months after childbirth as "a black hole in the mind when you are not aware of your actions."

The third important step is to help yourself recover. “It is very important to talk about recovery in terms of your body,” explains Daria Utkina. - Find some pleasant and interesting procedures for yourself in advance, stock up on the contacts of lactation consultants, massage therapists. Plan how to arrange for yourself the opportunity to recover and at the same time be with the child.

The psychologist believes that first of all it is necessary to solve the basic problems - to eat and sleep, and then deal with relationships: “This is the time when a woman has one big task - adaptation to a child. It’s good if her partner can take a vacation in the first month after giving birth, so that the two get used to new rhythms. ”

Emotional recovery is directly related to the ability to share experiences with relatives and friends or receive their support in time.

When talking about their relationship in the first year or two of a child's life, couples often use the word "unbearable." It is this feeling that pushes them to part. It seems that it is no longer possible to endure and the only way out is divorce.

“People are in a very stressful state,” explains Daria Utkina. - And it is very difficult to understand in such a situation how objective your emotions are. Am I really feeling this or am I overacting a bit? The only thing that can be controlled is our emotional reactions to the events that occur. Only we ourselves can bring stability to the environment that surrounds us.”

The fourth piece of advice is to be tolerant of your partner. The fact is that in a state of “unbearability” we address this feeling to the person who causes it in us. We shift responsibility for our condition to him, although it arises simply because at some point our own fears and experiences are realized.

“But you need to understand the difference between tolerating and tolerating,” warns the psychologist. - When a person is in pain, if he closes his eyes, he will feel better for a moment. But if the source of pain does not disappear, then the body dies. And we come to the question: is this situation a reason to endure, or to be more tolerant? What will make me feel better right now and in a larger perspective?

The main key to how to save a family is to strive for a balance between parenthood and marriage

Often times, separation in a couple occurs because, in the earliest stages, the father feels excluded from the life of the mother and child. Therefore, an important point is an attempt to avoid the “feeling of the third superfluous”. Today, dads are actively involved in the preparation for childbirth and even childbirth. An illusory equality is created between parents, which is immediately destroyed if a woman breastfeeds.

“Many dads breathe a sigh of relief when they find out that their father's functions do not include feeding at night and “putting to sleep” a newborn,” Daria Utkina reassures. - Then the question arises before the man: why am I needed here at all? But in fact, he faces the most important tasks: to create space so that a woman can calmly take care of a child, be strong and responsible, and help her partner recover after childbirth. And then the father feels that this is his role and it is significant, he is inspired and does not feel like a third wheel. You just need to remind him more often.”

Finally, the main key to how to save a family is to strive for a balance between parenthood and marriage. “Despite the fact that you have become a father and mother, we must not forget that you are also spouses, friends, lovers, just close people,” warns Inna Khamitova. - This is a separate and important task - to devote time and emotions to each other.

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