Terrified of childbirth

Is it normal to be so worried about giving birth?

Tommy's PregnancyHub

It’s natural to be a bit anxious about giving birth. But if you’re so worried that you don’t want to do it, it’s important to ask for help.

Being anxious about giving birth is very common. Childbirth is a major life event, so don’t be hard on yourself for having these feelings.

Remember that you’re not going to be facing this alone. You'll have a midwife who will be there to support you and look after you. They have lots of experience of helping women through labour and birth and can also offer you pain relief in small or larger doses, depending on how you feel.

You may find it helpful to:

tell your midwife how you feel as they may be able to reassure you
talk to someone you trust such as your partner, friend or family member
start thinking about how you want to give birth and make a birth plan – this can help you feel more organised and in control
find a local antenatal class – this will give you the opportunity to meet people in a similar situation and find out more about what happens in labour
try hypnobirthing, which may help you relax
try our tips for improving mental wellbeing in pregnancy to reduce stress
ask people not to share their birth stories with you if you don’t find it helpful
find out more about positive things to prepare for labour
choose a birth partner who knows how to keep you calm and reassure you
avoid reading women’s stories about dramatic deliveries online – remember that women are much less likely to share stories about straightforward labours.

Tokophobia

It is rare, but some women are so afraid of giving birth that they don’t want to go through with it, even if they really want to have the baby. This is called tokophobia and it can happen in any pregnancy. A severe fear of childbirth may also affect their decision on how to give birth to their baby.

Women with a severe fear of childbirth often have depression or anxiety too.

It can be difficult for other people to understand how someone can be so frightened about something they see as ‘so natural’. But tokophobia is a mental health condition and women who have it need treatment and support.

Some women have a severe fear of childbirth because they have had a traumatic birth experience. In this case, they may have post-traumatic stress disorder. This is a different condition to tokophobia and needs different treatment.

What should I do if I’m afraid of childbirth?

Tell your midwife or doctor how you feel, as early in your pregnancy as possible. They may be able to reassure you. Remember, anxiety is a mental health condition and not a sign of weakness, something that will go away on its own or that you should just ‘get over’. Your midwife or doctor will not judge you for having these feelings and will focus on getting the right care and support for you.

If your anxiety is severe, you should be referred to a mental health specialist for pregnant women. Ideally, this should be someone with experience of childbirth fears.

Find out more about fear of childbirth.

Review dates

Reviewed: 12 June 2019 | Next review: 12 June 2022

This content is currently being reviewed by our team. Updated information will be coming soon.

What to Do If You Want Kids but Fear Pregnancy, Childbirth

"Tokophobia," a fear of pregnancy, can lead to worse birth outcomes or prevent people from fulfilling life dreams.
Working through your fears with a professional can help you feel more prepared and less afraid.
Pregnant with questions? Submit your question to Anna anonymously here for nonjudgmental answers.

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Dear Anna,

Ever since I witnessed my nephew's birth at age 16, I've been terrified of pregnancy and labor. The delivery was quite the ordeal: The mom's water broke before she got to the hospital, and she didn't have time for an epidural. She developed preeclampsia. They did an episiotomy and used forceps to pull the baby out.

I recognize this is not what happens with every birth, but it was the one I was introduced to and I can't unsee it.

Now I'm in my mid-30s, newly married, and eager to start a family. I love kids and don't worry about actual parenting. But the idea of pregnancy and birth disgust me. I'd consider adoption if it wasn't so darn expensive. What can I do?

— Beth, Baltimore

Dear Beth,

That does sound like a traumatic introduction to childbirth, no wonder you're still shaken. Your brain is just doing its job to protect you against something it's perceived as threatening. Can you blame it?

Plus, as Maryland-based therapist Melissa Weinberg told me, it's understandable to be afraid of something full of unknowns, historically dangerous (and still more risky among people of color), painful, and uncomfortable.

But people don't often air these fears because, sadly, there can be a lot of shame around not feeling enthusiastic about something society makes us believe "should" come naturally, said Weinberg, who specializes in anxiety and wrote about the fear of pregnancy and childbirth for Psychology Today.

In reality, research suggests anywhere between 20% and 78% of pregnant women have some fears or anxiety around pregnancy and childbirth. And in non-pregnant women, one study showed 13% said fears were strong enough for them to delay or avoid pregnancy altogether.

But "the more you avoid [facing your fears,]" Weinberg said, "the more you reinforce them." So let's start facing yours now.

This fear,

also known as tokophobia, can become a self-fulfilling prophecy

A fear of childbirth is sometimes called tokophobia, or it can be appear as depression, anxiety, or post-traumatic stress disorder in cases where it is triggered by a traumatic event like an earlier life-threatening childbirth experience.

It can also look like OCD, Weinberg said, where people avoid sex and compulsively try to reassure themselves they're not pregnant.

Some of the common fears she hears among clients with some level of tokophobia is that they won't be able to handle pregnancy, especially the discomfort and body changes. "They often feel disgusted by the idea of something growing inside them and hate the idea of being trapped and out of control," Weinberg said. Some may even feel appalled just watching a TV show with a pregnant character.

Some clients ruminate on all that could go wrong, and some experience physiological reactions like shortness of breath and an increased heart rate just thinking about it.

If you don't address the fear before becoming pregnant, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy: A fear of pregnancy and childbirth is linked to higher rates of emergency cesarean deliveries, induced and augmented labor, long labors, and postpartum depression.

It can also prevent you from seeking necessary medical appointments, or to obsessively call your healthcare team. Not mention the toll it can take on your relationship. "If the partner of someone struggling with tokophobia is eager to have a baby, there can be fights, tensions, and resentment within the relationship," Weinberg said.

Get help to learn how to manage your negative thoughts, without expecting them to totally vanish

Weinberg recommends rallying a crew of family and friends who know how you're feeling and can be patient with you. Being open with a trusted healthcare provider is critical too, as they can put your specific fears into perspective and dispel misconceptions that may be fueling them.

The more knowledgeable you are about pregnancy and childbirth, the less intimidating it becomes.

Weinberg also suggests working with a therapist trained in acceptance and commitment therapy, which focuses on mindfulness and behavior change strategies, or exposure therapy, which is what it sounds like: facing your fears.

"As you get more and more exposure to it, your anxiety diminishes," Lara Honos-Webb, a clinical psychologist in Walnut Creek, California, told me for a story on this topic back in 2016. There are even classes, she said, that require women to repeatedly imagine giving birth.

The key is to find a provider "who won't do too much co-ruminating or disputing of thoughts and worries, but help you practice getting some distance from your thoughts and making values-based decisions," Weinberg said.

Finally, Weinberg said, don't expect your fears to vanish. "If you're waiting to be completely free of anxiety before trying to conceive, that's probably unrealistic. And that's OK."

"It's much more reasonable and achievable to build skills like tolerance for discomfort and uncertainty and grounding yourself in the present than it is to make all your fears go away and feel 'ready,'" she said. "You can be afraid and still takes steps towards having the life you want."

Senior health reporter Anna Medaris Miller is here to answer all of your questions about pregnancy— especially the ones you don't want to bring to your doctor or even friends. As a journalist covering women's health for more than a decade, she'll mine the research, consult a range of experts, and give you the key takeaways. Submit your question anonymously to Anna here.

tips on how to overcome fear and mentally tune in

Fear of the unknown, fear for the baby, thoughts about pain - all this is familiar to many pregnant women. But if you know more about the birth process, the worries will go away. Our expert tells how a pregnant woman can prepare for childbirth, what to do in the process, and how to stop being afraid and help the body do its job.

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In fact, childbirth is the most natural process. And if everything was so terrible, women would not dare to give birth a second, and even more so, a third (and so on) time. But if you have some knowledge, the process of childbirth can really be facilitated. We tell you how to stop being afraid of childbirth and reconfigure yourself.

How not to be afraid of childbirth

Many women are afraid of childbirth. Is there any way to deal with this feeling?

To begin with, it is worth understanding: what specifically causes anxiety? Basically, mothers are afraid of childbirth because they worry about the baby - they think it will be painful, uncomfortable. Often because of this, there is a feeling of guilt: "I am very afraid of childbirth - I will do something wrong during childbirth." Another popular fear is that the pain of contractions will be unbearable.

Read also: Conception calendar for 2022: how to calculate the sex of a child At the same time, it cannot be argued that the feeling of anxiety is not familiar to those who are going to become a mother for the second time. Childbirth is a unique event, and it is impossible to be completely sure how it will go. However, in fact, there are no serious reasons to be afraid - nature has made sure that both the baby and the mother are protected as much as possible during childbirth.

Is it worth it to be afraid of childbirth: why mothers are scared and what to do about it

How is the child protected?

If you look at a newborn 3-4 minutes after birth, you cannot say that before that he was crushed and strangled for several hours. He smiles, looks at his mother, shows interest. There is an opinion that the tight uterus and birth canal are squeezing the baby. But this allegedly bad influence does not affect the further behavior of the baby. Children love to be hugged tightly, wrapped tightly in diapers. If the birth experience was really traumatic for them, they would resist, otherwise they calm down and fall asleep. Keep this in mind when the thought “I am very afraid of childbirth” again arises in you.

What happens to a baby during childbirth?

He has a special state - hibernation. It's like deep sleep. The cerebral cortex is as if under anesthesia, all centers of sensitivity are turned off: the baby does not feel pressure and pain, does not hear anything. The motor centers are also suppressed - the child does not move. In this state, all metabolic processes are sharply reduced - especially the need for oxygen, which helps to survive hypoxia and even asphyxia (suffocation). After all, you can’t breathe in the birth canal - you can choke. It is interesting that an adult person is not able to endure such a lack of oxygen without irreversible destructive consequences. Figuratively speaking, in the process of birth, the child seems to slide down the water slide in a soft inflatable circle that protects him. That is why you should not be afraid of childbirth.

Why should a woman not be afraid for herself during childbirth?

How not to be afraid of childbirth and mentally tune in? You need to understand that nature has taken care of the condition of the woman. The main task is to prepare your body for childbirth. This means making it strong enough and at the same time elastic.

Read also: The taste of metal, nightmares and a maniac dog: the most unexpected signs of pregnancy

In the last weeks of pregnancy, the hormones relaxins and elastin are produced, due to which tissues are saturated with moisture, acquire elasticity, especially necessary for ligaments and cartilage. During this period, it is important to leave all things, give yourself the opportunity to relax and focus on the upcoming birth. In addition, it is worth taking calmly a slight increase in weight: the necessary energy reserve is concentrated in the fat layer, which will be useful both in the process of childbirth itself and in the first time after the baby is born. If you still think: "I'm afraid of pregnancy and childbirth", don't worry - nature has prepared you for them.

How else can you prepare for childbirth?

Whatever the natural process of childbirth, “I’m afraid to give birth” is a thought that, perhaps, not a single expectant mother has avoided. Preparation consists in simply knowing everything about the process and understanding how to behave: being able to relax between contractions, concentrating on attempts. During childbirth, the cerebral cortex of a woman works very actively - this is a conscious, regulated process. Read more about self-care during pregnancy.

Is the pain of childbirth really as unbearable as it is commonly believed?

The classic fear of an expectant mother is “I’m afraid of pain during childbirth.” The myth on which the fear of pain is based is that it will be endless and very strong. In fact, at the beginning of labor, contractions last for 10 seconds every 20 minutes. At the end - in a minute or two. If you put it all together, it will turn out, you need to endure only 45 minutes. Of course, there is a rather painful moment: when the baby comes out of the uterus into the birth canal. However, this period is just a few contractions lasting a few minutes. And this pain is necessary!

“And yet I am afraid of childbirth”: what should I do?

Can't you use painkillers?

The reason women most often say, "I'm afraid of labor," is the fear of pain. In general, there is a natural, natural anesthesia. Pain during a contraction helps to relieve pain. As soon as the fight ends, a sharp state of relief immediately sets in, endorphins are produced. When contractions become longer and more frequent, hormones accumulate in the body and have an anesthetic effect. However, it is important to realize that the main function of pain is to signal to the mother how the process is going. After all, she cannot touch the child with her hands or see him. There are two main things to know about pain.

You need to understand what the pain signals. After all, when this is a “bell” that something in the body is broken, out of order, we immediately begin to perceive even small unpleasant sensations as strong. However, even if intense pain says that a natural and correct process is taking place, we can calmly endure. How not to be afraid of childbirth - just remember athletes who, after training, have sore muscles that they cannot walk. But nothing - they do a massage and don't worry at all.
A question worth asking yourself: what are these sensations for, what is their purpose? In order not to be afraid of childbirth, a positive attitude is important. After all, when you understand that everything must be endured so that a healthy child is born, it becomes much easier.

So the more a woman knows about childbirth, the more relaxed she feels?

Yes, it is. It is important to master the means that you can use to alleviate your situation and be able to interact with other people. How not to be afraid of childbirth - advice and assistance in the process to a woman will be provided by doctors, obstetricians, nurses. And even the partner has the opportunity to participate if the expectant mother wants it.

How to learn all this?

Unfortunately, no book and no forum on the Internet can help a woman choose and master the techniques that are suitable for her, which can be used during childbirth. So how to tune in to childbirth and not be afraid? Learning how to behave correctly in this process is possible only at special courses for pregnant women. Also read how to raise a future dad.

What is taught in the courses?

For example, how to breathe during a contraction, how to accompany it with sound. This important skill, oddly enough, helps to open the birth canal and relax at the same time. If you remember Eastern medicine and energy points, the jaw is connected to the pelvic floor. When we open our mouth wide (and it works better when we scream), the pelvic floor also opens. In addition, during the courses you will be able to master many poses, choose the most convenient one for yourself. After all, during labor, a woman can change them, and when there is a whole set of tools in the arsenal, one of them will definitely fit. By the way, the courses will help to cope with another popular fear - "I'm afraid of premature birth."

It would seem that during childbirth you just lie on a special chair and that's it...

No, it's not that simple. During contractions, you can and should change your position, breathing patterns, and even give yourself a massage. This is how a woman helps a baby to be born. And not when she is afraid of childbirth, thinks in horror what is happening inside her, feels helpless because she knows nothing.

What if she felt something went wrong?

This is another important skill learned in the course: how to behave in a team. It will also help to remove the fear of childbirth. You can learn how to tell if it hurts a lot, how to ask the staff for something, focus and understand what exactly the doctor asks to do.

It turns out that if you know all this, you can not be afraid of childbirth?

Knowledge about childbirth greatly facilitates their flow. However, experiences in the spirit of "I'm afraid before childbirth" do not leave: at any moment unforeseen circumstances may arise. For example, everything will start earlier, they may be taken to another maternity hospital, suddenly anesthesia is needed, although initially they planned to do without it... And no one is ever ready for such an option as a caesarean section. It is important to understand: if the means that we used are ineffective, they must be changed. After all, the main goal is to give birth to a healthy child. Therefore, the ability to correctly assess the situation and be ready for changes becomes a priority.

Are there any other details that mothers-to-be should know?

Within two hours after childbirth, a woman should be under the supervision of medical personnel - knowing this fact will also help not to be afraid of childbirth. At this time, they leave her in plain sight, but no one comes up and asks about anything. Because of what, many feel abandoned: “They forgot us, they walk past and don’t even look!” This is not true. The new mother is kept under observation so that possible complications or bleeding can be noticed. If during this time the color of the skin has not changed, the nails have not turned blue, the cheeks have not sunken, then everything is in order. When a midwife passes by, she does not look at the face, but pays attention only to the "talking" parts of the body - hands, nails, skin color on open parts of the body. If everything is normal, the woman is transferred to the ward. So do not be afraid of childbirth - you can enjoy communication with a newly born child.

Author: Julia Arbatskaya

Tokophobia is the fear of childbirth. How to recognize and what is important to know

4 December 2020

Many pregnant women worry about childbirth. But some of them suffer from a much more serious condition called tocophobia: an intense and unreasonable fear of childbirth, which is sometimes accompanied by an aversion to pregnancy.

In the most extreme case, tocophobia can lead to:

obsessive use of contraceptives to prevent pregnancy;
abortion;
not attending childcare appointments;
post-traumatic stress disorder and / or other mental health disorders and difficulties in establishing a connection between mother and child.

Tokophobia comes in two forms: primary (in women who have not previously given birth to a child) and secondary (in women who have previously given birth to a child). Women with tocophobia during a previous pregnancy are more likely to develop it during their next pregnancy, leading to a potential cycle of anxiety and depression.

Difficult to identify, difficult to trace

It is difficult to say how many women are subject to tocophobia. The number was determined and measured using various questionnaires. One study estimates the prevalence of tocophobia in 14% of pregnant women worldwide.

Screening for tokophobia is not a common practice worldwide. In screening questionnaires, a woman is sometimes asked about her mood, whether she is afraid for herself or her baby, that she is so afraid of childbirth that she decided to terminate the pregnancy, or about feeling fear so strong that it interferes with eating. , work or sleep.

In other words, tokophobia goes beyond the normal worries and anxieties of childbirth and becomes an intense and irrational fear of pregnancy and/or childbirth.

It is important that women with this condition are identified as soon as possible, but this often only happens when they seek specialized professional help.