How to discipline a child who bites

Biting (for Parents) - Nemours KidsHealth

Reviewed by: Shana L. Boyle, PhD

Psychology (Behavioral Health) at Nemours Children's Health

en español Hábito de morder

Toddlers do the most adorable things: Give unexpected hugs, squeal with laughter, and cuddle up to you when they're tired.

But as any parent of a toddler will tell you, they also do some not-so-adorable things, like kick, scream ... or bite.

Biting is quite common in kids this age, but it can still be rather frustrating and difficult to manage at times. There are ways to get to the bottom of your toddler's biting habit. Here's how to help curb this type of behavior.

Why Do Toddlers Bite?

Biting is very common in early childhood. Babies and toddlers bite for a variety of reasons, such as teething or exploring a new toy or object with their mouth. As they begin to understand cause-and-effect, they also might bite a person to see if they can get a reaction.

Biting also can be a way for toddlers to get attention or express how they feel. Frustration, anger, and fear are strong emotions and toddlers lack the language skills to communicate how they are feeling. Instead, they may bite as a way of saying, "Pay attention to me!" or "I don't like that!" Toddlers may also learn that biting can be used as a tool for accessing a desired item.

Biting is slightly more common in boys and tends to happen most often between the first and second birthday. As language improves, biting tends to lessen.

What Can Help Kids Stop Biting?

Parents should have a zero-tolerance rule for biting — at home, daycare, and elsewhere. If it does happen, be sure to deal with it right away.

The next time your child bites, try these steps:

Step 1: Be calm and firm. Address your child with a firm "no biting!" or "biting hurts!" Keep it simple and easy for a toddler to understand. Make it clear that biting is wrong, but avoid lengthy explanations until your child is old enough to understand. Remaining as calm as possible will help resolve the situation more quickly.
Step 2: Comfort the victim. Direct your attention to the person who has been bitten, especially if it's another child. If there is an injury, clean the area with soap and water. Get medical care if the bite is deep or bleeding.
Step 3: Comfort the biter, if need be. Often, toddlers don't realize that biting hurts. It's OK to comfort a child who feels upset about hurting someone. An older toddler might learn from being allowed to comfort or apologize to a friend after a bite. But if the biter is using the behavior to get attention, you don't want to reinforce this behavior by giving comfort and attention.
Step 4: Offer alternatives. When things have calmed down, suggest alternatives to biting, like using the words "no," "stop," and "that's mine" when wanting to communicate with others. For example, show your child how to approach a peer, put out their hand, and then say “please” to ask for an item.
Step 5: Redirect. Distraction works wonders with kids this age. If emotions and energy levels are running high or if boredom has set in, help redirect a little one's attention to a more positive activity, like dancing to music, coloring, or playing a game.

Discipline usually is not necessary, as most kids don't realize biting hurts. Never hit or bite a child who has bitten, as this teaches the child that this behavior is OK.

If you try these steps and the behavior doesn't stop, time-outs may help. Older toddlers can go to a designated time-out area — a kitchen chair or bottom stair — to calm down. As a general rule, about 1 minute per year of age is a good guide for time-outs. You might need to supervise your toddler during a time-out, but be careful to not give them any attention. Your child should be calm and quiet before leaving the time-out area.

To keep your little one on the right track:

Be consistent. Reinforce the "No biting" rule at all times.
Use positive reinforcement. Rather than reward negative actions with attention, make it a point to praise your child when they behave well. You can say something like, "I like how you used your words" or "I like how you're playing gently" to reinforce positive alternatives to biting.
Plan ahead. Toddlers might be more comfortable and not feel the urge to bite if they know what to expect in new or high-energy situations. If biting happens at childcare, you might consider putting your child in a calmer, smaller setting.
Find alternatives. As language skills develop, you can help your child find better ways to express difficult emotions. For example, asking kids to "use their words" when they're frustrated or upset can help calm them. If you need help, a doctor, counselor, or behavioral specialist can discuss ways to teach your child to manage strong emotions and express feelings in a healthy way.

When Should I Call the Doctor?

Biting is common in babies and toddlers, but it should stop when kids are about 3 or 4 years old. If it goes beyond this age, is excessive, seems to be getting worse rather than better, and happens with other upsetting behaviors, talk to your child's doctor. Together you can find its causes and ways to deal with it.

Reviewed by: Shana L. Boyle, PhD

Date reviewed: June 2022

Strategies and Tips for Parents

Written by Stephanie Watson

Why Children Bite

Kids bite for a number of reasons -- and most of them aren't intentionally malicious.

They're in pain. When babies bite, typically it's because they're teething. They're just doing it to relieve the pain of their swollen, tender gums.
They're exploring their world. Very young children use their mouths to explore, just as they use their hands. Just about everything infants or toddlers pick up eventually winds up in their mouths. Kids this age aren't yet able to prevent themselves from biting the object of their interest.
They're looking for a reaction. Part of exploration is curiosity. Toddlers experiment to see what kind of reaction their actions will provoke. They'll bite down on a friend or sibling to hear the surprised exclamation, not realizing how painful the experience is for that person.
They're craving attention. In older kids, biting is just one of several bad behaviors used to get attention. When a child feels ignored, discipline is at least one way of getting noticed -- even if the attention is negative rather than positive.
They're frustrated. Biting, like hitting, is a way for some children to assert themselves when they're still too young to express feelings effectively through words. To your child, biting is a way to get back a favorite toy, tell you that they are unhappy, or let another child know that they want to be left alone.

How to Stop Biting

Practice prevention so that your child will be less likely to bite in the first place.

If your baby is teething, make sure to always have a cool teething ring or washcloth on hand so they will be less likely to sink teeth into someone's arm.
Avoid situations in which your child can get irritable enough to bite. Make sure that all of your child's needs -- including eating and nap time -- are taken care of before you go out to play. Bring along a snack to soothe your child if they get cranky from being hungry.
As soon as your child is old enough, encourage the use of words ("I'm angry with you" or "That's my toy") instead of biting. Other ways to express frustration or anger include hugging a stuffed animal or punching a pillow. Sometimes, shortening activities or giving your child a break can help prevent the rising frustration that can lead to biting and other bad behaviors.
Give your child enough of your time throughout the day (for example, by reading or playing together), so they don't bite just to get attention. Extra attention is especially important when your child is going through a major life change, such as a move or welcoming a baby sibling. If your child is prone to biting, keep an eye on any playmates and step in when an altercation appears to be brewing.

Even with your best prevention efforts, biting incidents might still occur. When your child bites, firmly let your child know that this behavior is not acceptable by saying, "No. We don't bite!" Explain that biting hurts the other person. Then remove your child from the situation and give the child time to calm down.

You might have heard from other parents that if your child bites you, bite your child back. This isn't good advice. Children learn by imitation. If you bite your child, the child is going to get the impression that this behavior is acceptable and they will be more likely to do it again. The same goes for hitting a child for biting.

If you are unable to get your child to stop biting, the behavior could begin to have an impact on school and relationships. You or another adult might have to closely supervise interactions between your child and other kids. When biting becomes a habit or continues past age 4 or 5, it might stem from a more serious emotional problem. Talk to your child's health care provider, or enlist the help of a child psychologist or therapist.

Biting Injury Rx

The first thing to do for any biting injury is to wash the area with soap and water. Even little teeth can break the skin. If the bite is bleeding and the wound appears to be deep, call your child's doctor. The bite may need medical treatment, which could include antibiotics or a tetanus shot, or both.

If a child bites

A child bites in kindergarten: advice from a psychologist

Kindergarten for a child is the first serious test in life, the first step towards adulthood. Here he learns to live in a team, gets acquainted with peers, learns the skills of social behavior. However, there are children who find it difficult to spend time in kindergarten. One of the strangest and most offensive manifestations of this uncomfortable behavior is the habit of biting. Biting often begins to manifest itself at home, and in the conditions of a kindergarten it reaches its "climax".

So why does the child show such an "animal" type of aggression? What drives them? Maybe he is trying to win his “place in the sun” in this way, or such a reaction may have a hidden connotation. Let's try to figure it out together.

Causes of children's "biting"

If the habit of biting appears before the child is sent to kindergarten, then this may indicate an unfavorable situation in the family. Parents should take a closer look at themselves and how they treat their little one. In a "difficult" family, the child is constantly exposed to stress, feels fear and even hatred.

In general, early childhood should be a period of positive emotions, because children are just beginning to “look closely” at the environment; the very first impressions are the most profound, most often they remain for life and form a person's personality. In some religions, children up to a year (or a little more) are even declared "sinless"; If you exclude mysticism, then there is a certain amount of truth in this.

And what happens if the first impressions of a small child are anger, aggression, swearing and other negativity? The little man naturally tries to respond in kind. This is how children begin to bite, as well as fight and generally pounce on people.

It happens that outwardly a family is quite prosperous, even loving. However, the methods of upbringing in it are specific: the child is constantly forbidden everything, often punished for petty offenses and pranks (which he himself sometimes does not yet understand and does not realize what exactly he is being punished for).

The child perceives such an attitude towards himself in the same way as the behavior of others in a dysfunctional family (in which parents are alcoholics, drug addicts, etc.), and sometimes even stronger, because he is faced with real hypocrisy - in words, parents they seem to love him, but in reality they show the opposite. In such an environment, the child will begin to bite with no less probability. But there are also “hyperactive” children whom, on the contrary, parents spoil too much. A very small child can bite, so to speak, instinctively, mother and father are touched by this and allow him to bite further. Thus, the baby expresses a variety of feelings, sometimes even positive ones, and over time, if he is not weaned, he does not understand that the bite is painful. Inexperienced parents, by the way, may also not notice that their baby’s teeth have already grown stronger and now he can bite “for real”. He transfers a similar way of communication to kindergarten. Summarizing the causes of children's "biting", we can distinguish the following:

Difficult atmosphere in the family
Reaction to pain or allergic manifestations
Resentment or anger at someone from the household or children in the team
Many prohibitions
Inability to express feelings in other ways
Bad example of peers
Excessive activity, hyperactivity of children.

But a child may not "bring" the habit of biting from home to the kindergarten, but form it while already in the children's team. In this case, the point is that children very quickly learn from each other, both good and bad. And the child begins to bite under the influence of the influence of peers.

WHY A CHILD BITES IN KINDERGARTEN

So, the child went to kindergarten and for some reason started biting there. He does this either because he "lost his temper" or simply because he is spoiled and does not consider such behavior to be bad.

In the first case, the teacher can easily react by talking to the child, comforting him or praising him for something good. In the second case, it is more difficult to fight a bad habit. In addition, if the parents themselves do not understand that the child is behaving inappropriately, and even they can express their claims to the teacher - they say, our child is the best, the best, etc. and has the right to behave as he wants, then the problem gets worse. In addition to the re-education of the child, it is necessary to conduct educational conversations with parents.

If an explanatory conversation with the child's parents does not help, the parents of the other children in the group can have their say. To do this, a collective appeal is written to the leadership of the kindergarten with a request to expel a biting child from the institution. Of course, to exclude a bully, parents need to be persistent, because the manager does not always listen to their opinion, but all parents have every right to protect their kids. In certain cases, it helps to contact the prosecutor's office and guardianship authorities.

WHEN A HABIT GROWS INTO A DISEASE

If this bad habit is not dealt with in a timely manner, it can later develop into a full-fledged disease. This happens as the child grows. It can be said that when entering school, a biting child is already mentally ill.

On the one hand, by the beginning of the first academic year, he should already understand a lot, but the grown-up “kid” continues to bite. On the other hand, the “habit” itself only develops with age, and in the first academic years, a “biter” will turn out to be a flawed person with deviant behavior.

At this time, doctors - a psychiatrist, a neurologist, a child psychologist - must deal with "biting", uncontrolled aggression and all other "charms", but even for specialists to cope with the disease is not an easy task.

One of the reasons for the development of child cruelty is the child's confidence that he will get away with everything, because until now those around him were only touched by his pranks.

WHAT TO DO IF A CHILD BITES: PSYCHOLOGIST'S ADVICE

From the above it is clear that it is necessary to start fighting the biting habit as early as possible. At the same time, there should be strictness in the educational process, but not irritability or anger.

First of all, you need to stop being touched and smiling when you see that the baby is using his teeth. You should put your hand to his mouth, as if closing it, and explain that you can’t bite.

It is not worth educating a child to be weak-willed. However, it is necessary to teach him to respond to insult in other ways, primarily in speech. Both parents and educators should help the child in this.

Role-playing games are a good method of speech development. By learning to respond with words, the child will soon give up the habit of biting and fighting. In role-playing games, the teacher (or parents, other adults) plays scenes with the child in which he must refuse. For example - “you were offended”, “they took away your toy”, “you were scared”.

If a child bites in kindergarten because he is nervous, he should be taken to the bedroom, allowed to calm down and talk to him. But you can’t “lock” a child in a room by force and isolate him from others - he must feel that they want to help him.

If the baby bites because he is scared or he is not confident in himself, he needs to be encouraged, praised (but within reasonable limits, of course), show that nothing terrible will happen and for this you do not need to bite at all. He begins to be afraid and nervous, for example, when moving to another kindergarten, when a new teacher appears. For all this, parents should be prepared in advance and talk with their children on each occasion.

Parents should be aware that biting a child in kindergarten can lead to serious problems. There have been cases where one child had to get stitches after being bitten by a bandmate.

It may turn out that a child is motivated to get nervous and bite by the unsettled environment in the kindergarten itself.

First of all, this is true for municipal institutions; although there are many private kindergartens, the work in which is far from being organized in the best way. State and municipal kindergartens are constantly insufficient, the groups are overcrowded, and new teachers come infrequently - they are not satisfied with working conditions and salaries.

All this leads to the fact that instead of proper upbringing and supervision, children receive either aggressive, almost "camp" practices, or, on the contrary, negligence and indifference - they are left to their own devices.

It is worth taking a closer look at the institution that the child attends and, if necessary, transfer him to another kindergarten. However, it is undesirable to swear and fight with the staff and management of the ill-fated kindergarten, since the workers are already tense.

INSTEAD OF CONCLUSION

Parents need to look at themselves as well. Are they doing everything right, is the baby experiencing any discomfort.

It must be remembered that a child in the first years of life actively imitates adults, learns from them literally everything in the world. And, perceiving the environment uncritically, he recognizes as the norm of behavior precisely those actions that he observes in his family.

If parents quarrel, then the child will begin to quarrel, thinking that this is good and right, and one cannot blame him for this. Naturally, there is no need to spoil the baby: the necessary strictness on the part of the parents develops in the child strictness towards himself.

A competent approach to education will lead to the fact that the child becomes an “adult” earlier and begins to understand faster and better what can and cannot be done.

The child bites, how to deal with this problem?

Komsomolskaya Pravda

InterestingInteresting

September 21, 2017 10:13

Each stage of a child’s growing up has its own characteristics, through which both the baby and his parents must go through

photo: http://ya-odna .ru/chto-delat-esli-rebyonok-kusaetsya/

When a child bites at the age of one, this can be explained by teething and an attempt to explore the world around, but when a three- or even four-year-old child “shows his teeth”, and parents increasingly hear the phrase from kindergarten teachers or indignant mothers of other babies: "Your child bites!" - it's an awkward situation, isn't it? What to do at such a moment? How to wean a child to bite?

If the previous habits are rather harmless and self-directed, then the habit of biting is much less harmless, since it is aimed at causing pain to others. And it is perceived most often not with understanding, but with anger, which is a consequence of the unexpectedness of this action, the presence of pain, as well as the subconscious perception of this habit of another individual as aggression. Such a habit is an act of aggression even for parents who are unhappy, angry, instead of understanding and correcting the reason for such behavior of the child. In addition, adults also develop a sense of shame and guilt towards outsiders who have been attacked in this way or simply saw this situation.

Most children under 3 years of age can bite someone at least once, but this action, with a good upbringing, will be a single one. Babies usually stop biting on their own. A biting habit can be spoken of if biting occurs periodically, and after 3 years this can become a real problem. Sometimes biting children may be given special treatment if the biting affects others, or if the biting itself is accompanied by aggressive behavior.

By the way, here it is worth mentioning the desire of a child to hit someone. The habit of hitting others is also an act of aggression and can replace biting. Psychologists say that children over 3 years old who often bite and behave aggressively may suffer from health problems or from a difficult emotional state. In this case, consultation with a therapist or child psychologist is necessary.

Causes of a habit.

1. Teeth are being cut. At 5-7 months of age, biting may be a natural response to babies having discomfort around their mouth, or when they have itchy gums or severe teething pain. Most often, babies bite their parents and relatives, but when they see a pain reaction, most often children stop biting people.

2. Knowledge of the world. Some babies use bites to experiment, to get to know the world in this way. A child can bite the hand of an adult or peer in the same way as he bites a rattle or a rubber ring. In the first few bites, he may not even be aware that he is causing pain.

3. Failure to meet basic physiological needs. It is not considered an aggressive reaction if a child bites when angry, frustrated or indignant. If his main needs are the same as hunger, thirst, the desire to go to the toilet. The desire to sleep, remain unnoticed by adults, this can also provoke anger and bite. Such reactions will not be observed if the parents are attentive to the needs of the baby and will properly take care of his physiological needs.

4. Inability to adequately express one's desires. Young children resort to biting when they cannot achieve their goal in any other way due to the inability to adequately express their desires. This may not be a problem while the child is still small. But when he crossed the threshold of 3 years, this already speaks of some psychological problems. This situation can happen if the baby wants to get a toy, but he does not have enough words to be understood. Or he gets frustrated that the tower he is building keeps falling down. This kind of action can be regarded as an attempt to assert one's rights or as an experience due to the inability to do something.

Biting is usually not a planned action. It spontaneously becomes the child's reaction to what he does not like. Children bite for different reasons depending on their age.

5. Strong nervous excitement. Before the age of 1.5 years, children usually bite other people in a state of high arousal. Parents, relatives or other children most often get hit. This is not a sign of aggression, but just a nervous overexcitation that can be directed in a different direction, most often a firm “No! We don't bite!"

6. Psychological reasons. Between the ages of 1.5 and 3 years, children may bite others out of annoyance or a desire to control another person's actions. Most often, they begin to bite other children, less often - relatives and parents. The vast majority of children bite their playmates when there is an argument over toys, a pacifier, food, or an adult's lap. This is a kind of protection and even self-defense. The extreme degree of such a state is a hostile attitude towards everyone around, a desire to hurt everyone around.

There are children who use biting to bully others, such as peers. This behavior is based on the desire to show themselves stronger than other children and can cause a serious problem with the child's psychological stability. After 3 years, children may bite when they feel helpless or afraid. For example, if they lose in a fight, they will inflict a warning bite so that they do not have to experience pain. They do not yet know how to assert their rights in a more productive way.

It often happens that biting parents is a way out of a child's subconscious aggression, dissatisfaction with parents, unwillingness to obey demands. In addition, the baby can thus attract the attention of adults if their caress, positive attitude is not enough for him.

7. Neurological reasons. Neurological causes of biting in children are rare. Only a pediatric neurologist can diagnose this kind of disorder.

Physical and psychological ways to fight the habit.

Many children bite when they are teething because of pain and discomfort. In addition, they may exhibit symptoms such as gum swelling, increased sensitivity and discomfort in the area of teething, high salivation, a rash on the chin, face or abdomen, refusal to eat and drink, irritability, intermittent and restless sleep. With all these symptoms, it is not surprising that a child may begin to bite. To avoid this, special teething rings or soft toys, various certified devices will help. Before buying, be sure to make sure that such products are not dangerous and that the child can take them in his mouth. In addition, biting or chewing on a clean, moistened, and cooled cloth can help reduce teething pain. First of all, the way to deal with periodic biting is to prevent this phenomenon - parents should not allow manifestations of aggression. It is very important that each time they adequately respond to the abrupt behavior of the baby. There is no need to wait until the child starts to get angry and nervous, it is better to trace the situations in which the release of aggression occurs and stop them, relieving nervous tension. Such preventive measures will be good not only for the psyche of the baby, but also for the psyche of his parents. You can, for example, pick up a child from the playground until he has bitten nearby babies. As an educational moment, you can choose the time and take away from him a toy or food that he cannot share with any of the children. You need to make sure that the child understands that the dissatisfaction of the parents is a direct result of his bites. They should directly explain to the baby why they are unhappy, so that he clearly understands that the reason is that he bites. Next, you need to remind him that if he continues to behave this way, this will lead to undesirable consequences. If an older child bites, you can ask him why he has the urge to bite. Sometimes they can tell themselves what feelings or actions led them to the incident. In such cases, you need to have a conversation with the child, try to explain that there are more effective ways to show your thoughts, feelings and desires, as well as to cope with frustration and feelings of anger. You can talk to him about feelings, for example, have the child take the ball and kick it with his foot. He will understand that this method will help to distract them and switch their attention to something else. You can find another way to distract the child - let him play with his favorite toy until his anger subsides, dance. In addition, it is required to encourage activities that are appropriate for the child's age and skills. To avoid irritation, parents should try not to use active games that may be too difficult or competitive in nature.

Adults should praise the child for each time he has controlled himself and coped with feelings of anger and frustration and overcame his desire to bite. You can even come up with a way to encourage.

If the baby still bites, each case should be worthy of a comment, a conversation, such behavior cannot be left unpunished. It is necessary to strictly tell him that biting is not good and he should never do this. It is necessary to explain to the baby that he must own his feelings in any place, wherever he is, whether there are parents nearby or not. If the reason is the inability to communicate with peers, then conversations will help, a playful form in which adults would tell and show how you can play and communicate with a child of the same age. It must be pointed out that children will not communicate with him if he shows aggressive behavior. Encouragement of the child's attempt to use verbal forms for self-expression will work well, you need to talk about how he expresses his feelings in words, and not biting. By the way, speech problems in themselves can be the cause of increased nervousness and inappropriate behavior of the child. For some reason, he simply cannot yet express what he wants in words. The reason may be a delay in speech development due to reduced tactile sensitivity of the oral cavity.

A doctor diagnoses this problem. And it is solved with the help of the development of motor skills of speech and the physical capabilities of the oral cavity. Parents should be sure to include solid foods like carrots or apples in their daily diet that need to be chewed. You can teach your baby to blow soap bubbles, inflate balloons, play the harmonica or the pipe, come up with various "monkey" exercises and games with making funny faces or showing some individual emotions on the face (this develops facial expressions, acting skills, makes it easier for parents life, since children often fix these expressions and use them in everyday life - you can tell exactly what the child feels at the moment), exercises to strengthen the muscles of the oral cavity. The main thing is to explain to him that these exercises should not be done in public, otherwise the child may develop a bad habit of making faces while sitting in class or just being on the street.

Parents should model the behavior they want to see in their children. Toddlers have a very strong element of imitation. Adults themselves need to avoid outbursts of anger and other manifestations of aggression, they need to be a good example, show the child how to calmly cope with daily irritation. If the family normally has rude ways of communicating and treating each other, physical punishment of children is used, then the probability that the child will learn such ways of behavior and will use such measures when he has negative experiences is almost 100%.

Aggressive behavior such as biting may be a response to a lack of parental attention and support, which is a major social need in young children. For example, if a child is obedient, parents rarely notice him and praise him for his good behavior. Mostly parental attention goes to him when he does something bad. And the child learns from this lesson - the worse he behaves, the more attention his parents pay to him. The fact that adults get angry or punish him means little compared to the pleasure that this attention brings. In this case, only a review of educational methods and the amount of time and attention that parents devote to him will help. The baby needs to be supported, praised, helped to fall asleep.

If the biting of parents or others was provoked by some prohibitions that hinder the child's desire for freedom, his curiosity, independence or activity, then it is also necessary to reconsider the nature of education and make it softer, more flexible, not clothe the prohibitions in categorical forms. In any case, prohibitions are most often associated with the unwillingness of parents to do something (for example, mother does not order to run because the panties will get dirty), so you just need to increase the proportion of attention and care for the child, remove some of the prohibitions and give him a little more freedom .

For educational purposes, the child should be asked to apologize to the person he has bitten. Adults should explain to him that his bites are not only harmful to the physical health of another person, but also make him emotionally ill. It is important to teach the child to empathize, the ability to understand the feelings of others.

By the way, aggressive behavior like biting, slapping, beating parents in the face may be the result of the fact that the baby grew up in an atmosphere of indulgence in any of his desires, had no refusal in his demands, and then the parents began to “educate” him.

Naturally, the established model, when the child gets everything, begins to collapse, because of which he may try to achieve his goal with aggression, screaming, biting, tantrums, scattering and “beating” toys, aggressive attacks on others.

Parents in this case must be patient and begin to slowly eradicate the form of behavior habitual for the child, because it may not be overcome immediately and not with the help of a sharp increase in the number of prohibitions. And the longer the parents indulged the child in everything, the more difficult it will be to cope with aggression. In this case, adults often choose the tactic of waiting until the baby grows up and begins to clearly understand what is required of him and explain why they require it. But more often than not, such a technique does not justify itself, the child finally establishes the model of behavior “desire-refusal-aggression-getting what you want”.

Therefore, in relation to a child who is trying to get his way with bites, you need to act consistently and constantly adhere to your requirements. Adults should also talk and agree, together to correct the behavior of the baby. Because the difference in the requirements of adults will not lead to the desired change in behavior. For example, if the father punishes the child for biting, and the grandmother protects him and takes pity, or at home the child is forbidden to bite his relatives, and in the store the child may start biting his mother in response to refusing to buy a toy and, as a result, gets a toy, because the mother experiences embarrassment in front of others for his behavior, the child will not learn the basic requirements of adults. He will only understand that in different situations you can behave differently, use bites or aggression with impunity and begin to manipulate adults to achieve what you want. Giving in to the child's demands in such cases only means distorting his ideas about what is allowed and what is not, and is tantamount to defeat in the fight against his bad habit.

During development, the child constantly explores the boundaries of what is permitted, not only in his behavior in relation to the surrounding objective world, but also in his relations with people. That is why adults need to understand. That you need to “rally” against a bad habit and create a general negative opinion about the aggressive behavior of the child, to correct your own behavior. Therefore, the attitude in the family to biting other people should be unambiguous, the baby should understand that his negative behavior, which his parents have already condemned more than once, will always have unpleasant consequences for him, for example, adults refusing to play with him or depriving him of the opportunity to play with other children .

Often parents can't stand it and try to get their child to obey with the help of punishments. He might stop biting. But there is a possibility that there will be a “rollback” from such upbringing, for example, after a while his sleep may be disturbed, or he will begin to write in his pants. Cruel behavior and punishment can provoke a persistent neurosis in a baby. He may begin to experience persistent anger, but at the same time not be able to throw it out. Such experiences will destroy his mental health. It is also not recommended to bite your child, showing how painful and unpleasant it is, since such an example may be the reason for modeling unwanted behavior in him.

Psychologists are categorically against it if parents accept cruelty and physical punishment as the basis of education. And at the first signs of aggression in a baby, many parents, who had not taken such measures until that moment, suddenly begin to show reciprocal cruelty. It is categorically impossible to do this, since this bad habit and the way to get rid of it with the help of retaliatory aggression contradict each other. If the child showed aggression in response to the fact that he is dissatisfied with his parents, and the parents do not want the child to act in this way, and apply aggression to him, because they are dissatisfied with him, a vicious circle appears. The child learns this deep pattern of behavior and may even give up the habit of biting. But this will lead to deeper changes in the psyche, which can manifest themselves in the most unexpected way.

Material prepared according to: Yu.V. Potapova, M.P. Shatalin Crises of childhood: obsessive childhood habits.

Read also on our website: "The child sucks his thumb, what to do about it?", "Obsessive childhood habits." Materials provided by the First Family Club "Abahaba" .

Abahaba is a family club where children and parents have fun and enjoy their time. Creativity, communication, exciting activities and family weekends, here everyone will find what he likes. We offer ample opportunities for the development and education of children, the smallest crumbs can attend early development programs, and older children can attend developmental classes and creative studios. Each meeting is an opportunity to express yourself, reveal your abilities and enrich your inner world, and a pleasant atmosphere and professional teachers will make your stay in the club bright and unforgettable.

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