Relationship falling apart while pregnant
Why Do Relationships Fall Apart During Pregnancy?
Pregnancy is a huge step in any relationship, sometimes it brings couples together, and sometimes it drifts them apart. It is a general belief that mothers who are expecting tend to bond with the baby way before the father.
When a woman gets the news of being pregnant, she starts enjoying this change from that very moment- this new role as a mom. The emotions, excitement, and affection begin almost immediately, but this is not so when we talk about the man.
Very few fathers are equally excited as the mother when they know they are pregnant. Most fathers get this feeling only after the child is born and when they hold their own little one in their arms.
This is why men fall short during pregnancy and fail to comprehend the emotional changes their partner is going through. This can contribute to some major relationship issues during pregnancy.
Relationships falling apart during pregnancy is something extremely common nowadays. Four out of ten pregnant women face great emotional issues and relationship problems while pregnant.
It’s hard to make out why relationships fall apart in such a beautiful turn of the marital journey.
Steps to avoid relationship-fallout during pregnancy
If the couple has a better understanding of how the pregnancy would be and what will be some of the major issues, most of the problems can be resolved beforehand. The question ‘why do relationships fall apart’ would be out of question. This would help you and your partner to enjoy this beautiful moment of your life to the max.
When a baby is growing inside the mother’s womb, it is natural that the body would go through a number of changes to ensure his/her comfort.
Relationship problems that arise during pregnancy are delicate and addressing them carefully is very important before things get ugly. We have listed a couple of reasons why relationships fall apart.
We hope this helps all the couples out there to solve their differences and be there for each other.
Let us check them out.
The reason why relationships fall apart is that couples are unhappy during pregnancy mainly because there is a sense of depression and anxiety. Mothers and fathers are not able to fully open up to each other regarding their feelings and emotions.
It is important to get closer to your wife during pregnancy, especially when she is pregnant and depressed about the relationship. To prevent the question of ‘why do relationships fall apart’ appearing in the picture.
Sometimes husbands avoid talking to their spouses to avoid arguments and seem distant during pregnancy which makes their spouse feel neglected. Feeling neglected by the partner after the baby is born can make the mother even more anxious and irritable than she already is.
A communication problem develops during pregnancy which leads to the couple growing apart in a relationship. This is what gives rise to the question, ‘why do relationships fall apart’.
In order to have a smooth, argument-free pregnancy try to overcome this issue as soon as possible.
Also watch: Top 6 Reasons Why Your Marriage Is Falling Apart
2. Emotional turmoilDealing with the emotional, mental, and physical desires of a pregnant wife can sometimes be super challenging for a partner. It’s only normal that you see marital problems during pregnancy increase.
It is important that the partner understands that his wife is going through many mixed emotions and therefore should be slightly more tolerant than usual.
Mood swings and emotional breakdowns are common during pregnancy because of the disturbance at the hormonal level. Since the wife is already going through a lot, it is only fair that her partner takes ownership of the task of how to fix growing apart in a relationship.
You wouldn’t want your wife to be pregnant and unhappy in marriage together, would you?
The partner should prepare for pregnancy-relationship problems beforehand because it is not easy at all.
Husbands prefer their wives to be sexy and dressed up for them. But, when a woman is pregnant, the motivation to dress up or even change into fresh clothes somewhat disappears.
Many women even feel unattractive and insecure about their bodies. It could be due to weight gain, tiredness, depression, but this directly affects the sexual relationship between couples.
Husbands may get tired of hearing the same line ‘I am pregnant’ repeatedly and start taking pregnancy like a curse more than a blessing.
Marriage problems during pregnancy keep mushrooming if not weeded out in time, it could lead to relationship breakdown during pregnancy.
This should help you figure out the way around the challenges you are likely to face during the term of pregnancy.
You don’t have to ask the question ‘why do relationships fall apart’ if you cherish the good moments of pregnancy and relationships and take the challenges as an opportunity to bond and get closer together.
Use pregnancy and relationship problems to make yourself and your partner stronger as a team.
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How to Deal With Relationship Breakdown During Pregnancy
In This Article
Relationship breakdown during pregnancy happens more often than many may expect. Pregnancy is usually presented to us via media, commercials, and memories of our friends and family, as a blissful and a harmonic period of love and accord. However, the reality of it is that it can also be an extremely stressful and difficult period for a couple.
The mother-to-be can surely experience inexplicable happiness and calmness. But, other than that, pregnancy can present the most challenging trial for any couple if relationship breakdown happens with soon-to-be-parents.
What pregnancy brings into a relationship
Pregnancy happens to couples in different ways and in different points in the relationship, but one thing is certain – it is an announcement of the greatest change in the life of the partners and in the relationship.
From the moment a couple gets pregnant, nothing will ever be the same. Yes, it will be beautiful, and couples rarely would ever change it once they get to see their baby. But, the truth is also that it does change every little thing and many get extremely anxious about it.
What could be bothering the soon-to-be-parents is any one of the following things – finances, romance, social life, future, new life role, freedom. In essence, any little or big change can trigger a relationship breakdown and cause other marriage problems during pregnancy.
Both parents can be extremely anxious and scared about hundreds of things. They can both be needing additional support and reassurance. Men, especially, tend to fear the loss of their partner’s affection and care.
Why is it so challenging for the couple?
All of the changes that we mentioned put enormous stress on both partners. There are two-fold pressures, one that regards the individuals in the relationship, and the other that relates to the dynamics of the relationship itself.
For both men and women, this is a challenge for their personal identities as well as their relationship.
Women can fear whether they will lose themselves in the role of a mother, and become just moms instead of lovers. They can fear how their bodies will look after the pregnancy and whether they will become unattractive to their partners.
Soon-to-be-mothers can also suffer from emotional breakdown during pregnancy. They fear their relationship falling apart while pregnant and experience relationship stress during pregnancy. And both, men and women, are usually terrified of how well they will handle parenthood.
Every doubt and self-doubt puts a strain on a relationship, and these doubts can often lead to a marriage breakdown. Pregnancy might be one of the most challenging periods in any relationship, as it announces the end of one era and the beginning of the next one.
It is at this moment that most people will begin to wonder if they can handle such a change.
Their relationship will inevitably change. Their tolerance will be put to test. Support will be in high demand. Any transgression during pregnancy can count as ten times more hurtful and selfish. Not to mention, possible problems when it comes to sex life during pregnancy can arise.
Pregnancy and relationship problems
Relationship breakdown is common because relationships change during pregnancy. We often hear couples complaining about experiencing marital problems during pregnancy as they find relationship issues during pregnancy challenging to cope up with.
Relationships during pregnancy go through many ups and downs. The pregnancy hormones tend to make the expectant mothers feel more vulnerable or anxious as they experience a mix of emotional highs and lows.
Some are unable to cope with the symptoms and the changes their body goes through. Also, complications during pregnancy cause extra stress leading to unnecessary relationship problems during pregnancy.
This temporary relationship breakdown, if not handled with care can lead to separation and divorce.
Counseling can help young couples deal with pregnancy relationship problems and save their marriage from a temporary relationship breakdown.
How to prevent relationship breakdown during pregnancy
All of what was being described can put enormous stress on a relationship. Not surprisingly, relationships that were more functional and healthier prior to the pregnancy stand a better chance of surviving it. Although becoming parents is a challenge on its own, we will discuss how to prevent relationship breakdown during pregnancy.
If you trust that your relationship is standing on a solid foundation, that is good news! But, even then, it is advisable to have a conversation with your partner about your perspective and your expectations.
However, if your relationship was shaky before the pregnancy, it might need extra help to make sure it grows stronger before the baby comes.
After all, breakups during pregnancy are not unheard of.
The most important advice is to communicate
This means talking about every single doubt and fear, both relating to the pregnancy and parenthood, and to the relationship itself. Talk, talk, talk.
This advice is always at play, in any relationship, and at any stage, but in pregnancy, it is more important than ever to be entirely open and direct about your needs, fears, and desires.
Avoiding the problem won’t help. There are many couples who, for the sake of the baby, try to sweep the disagreements under the rug. This will backfire once the baby arrives.
So, the best thing you can do for your relationship, and your family, is to visit a psychotherapist.
This is something even people in great relationships should consider doing during the pregnancy, but it is an essential step for everyone who feels their relationship might suffer from the stress surrounding pregnancy and end in breaking up during pregnancy, following the relationship breakdown.
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A family falls apart during pregnancy
A family falls apart during ...
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Xu
Good afternoon.
I am in a situation where I am 24 weeks pregnant. I live in an apartment martyr, he provides for me. I myself still work, I try to close my debt obligations before the decree. Relationships are falling apart. There is no sex for the third month, addiction to alcohol, we do not converge in everyday life, constant disagreements in almost everything, even elementary things. He starts to get drunk, feel sorry for himself how bad everything is, and complain. I am often in a bad mood, crying, nervous. I think that the baby is badly affected and I should leave him. When the child is born, the relationship will not get better. But as soon as it comes to breaking up, a lot of apologies and offers to restore or heal our sick relationship come in, and I don’t want anything anymore. As soon as he accepts my position and let me go (of course, during this time he is all so good and does not drink, helpful, flowers, courtship) I give back. What to do?
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For parents Man and woman
While waiting for the birth of our first child, we mentally prepare for many difficulties: sleepless nights, childhood whims and illnesses, chronic fatigue... But even the most far-sighted do not assume that the happiest event in a couple’s life often becomes starting point for its destruction. Is it possible to save a relationship if there are three of you?
How to save a family? Life stories and a psychotherapist's commentary
Numerous studies confirm this paradoxical thesis: in the first year of a child's life, satisfaction with one's own marriage decreases significantly. The statistics presented in the University of Denver study are staggering: 90% of couples say so.
According to research, this also applies to those people whose relationships before pregnancy seemed wonderful to them.
Moreover, the higher the expectations of a man and a woman from future parenthood, the more difficult they experience this period: instead of closeness, distance comes, instead of mutual understanding, disagreements about upbringing. It is no coincidence that, under Russian law, a man does not have the right to divorce his wife without her consent during pregnancy and in the first year of a child's life.
What happens to a couple after the birth of their first child? Psychologists identify several aspects, including social and cultural attitudes in society, the highest level of stress in the first months after childbirth, as well as gender differences in the behavior of men and women during this period. We talked to experts about each of them.
From the dyad to the triad
“In the relationship between a man and a woman, huge changes are taking place at this moment,” explains psychologist Daria Utkina, founder of group classes for childbirth preparation.
- Their roles are changing dramatically: before they were lovers, and now they have become young parents. This transformation takes a long time."
At first, this is shocking: you have known each other for many years (or months), and suddenly one fine morning comes the realization that this is not at all the person you swore to love forever. Inna Khamitova, a systemic family psychotherapist, considers this a completely natural process: “Parenthood turns people into a completely new side to each other. And people, in a sense, need to get to know each other again, even if they have been together for 10 years. And the couple is either adapting to these changes, or it's the beginning of the end."
The birth of a child concerns not only his mother and father, but their relatives and even friends
All family and social ties undergo significant changes, and they also affect relationships within the couple. “Much depends on the position of grandparents - how they see their role in raising a child and how much this coincides with the expectations of his parents,” comments Daria Utkina.
- And depending on how important their social activity was for dad or mom, it is easier or harder for them to adapt to a new life. We all know those famous “baby poop” talks of new parents – how does it even fit into your previous lifestyle?”
Of course, all these processes are individual and depend on the characteristics of the individual. “In addition, after the birth of a child, certain internal conflicts arise in each of us related to relationships with our own parents,” notes Inna Khamitova. - And this can also provoke estrangement between spouses. Still, the triangle is a more stable structure than the dyad. And if the couple managed to survive the crisis period, the relationship becomes much stronger. If you let this situation take its course, a crack appears in the family, which can then turn into an abyss.
If it is too difficult for one or both parents to change their habits, the child becomes a catalyst for conflict, because it brings such a level of stress into life that the couple questions: are we ready to include this third person in our relationship? Or do we want to pass it on to nannies and grandmothers, continuing the relationship that we had? Or do we understand that it is impossible to build relationships further?
"They can be answered approximately by the end of the first year of a child's life, because it is then that the realization comes that a child is forever.
" In addition, there is a certain request from society: a year is given to young parents for adaptation, but after this period it is expected that they will begin to lead a familiar lifestyle.
Difficult for everyone
During pregnancy and after childbirth, a woman experiences a colossal hormonal shock in her body. Each mother reacts to it differently: for many, the baby becomes something that protects from the outside world, especially during breastfeeding.
“In addition to biological factors, every woman has her own unique psychological experience,” emphasizes Daria Utkina. - For some, this is the engine, and for someone - the reason for depression. But in any case, this is a huge physical and mental work, and at the same time there is still a child with whom you need to establish a connection, and a partner with whom you need to build relationships in a new way.
At this moment, the father also experiences serious stress: is he ready for such a responsibility, "has he built a house and planted a tree.
" And this stress is only exacerbated by the inflated expectations of men and women from themselves and from each other.
Everyone forgets about the man who became a dad, and this is an equivalent event!
Moreover, unlike a woman, for whom there are many techniques and rituals in culture to adapt to her new role, for a man this process can be much more difficult.
“Although these are only symbolic rituals, a woman is greeted with flowers from the maternity hospital, given gifts for children's birthdays, and much more,” comments Daria Utkina. - But everyone forgets about the man who became a dad, and this is an equivalent event! In fact, there is no way for him to initiate other than going to a bar with friends and getting drunk. And if he chose instead to go, for example, to childbirth, where the center is a woman, and then a child, then it turns out that he experienced a huge shock, but it is not symbolically marked in any way.
He has to rely not on traditions, but to look for new ways for himself.
As a result, we see two people who do not sleep at night, are in a state of extreme stress and anxiety, who have a baby who also wants to understand how to live in this world. Both partners experience all sorts of pressure: from each other, from relatives, friends, society.
Daria Utkina speaks with concern about the trend of recent years: “Now there is a certain social model - a woman who, immediately after giving birth, should lead the same lifestyle as before pregnancy. She works, leads a social life, looks slim and sexy - no whims and changes. This is broadcast from magazines, TV, books and, firstly, creates for a man an absolutely wrong picture of how it really happens. And secondly, it exerts incredible pressure on a woman who experiences a double sense of guilt.
Thus, a woman is denied the most important thing - to feel like a full-fledged mother and calmly find harmony with her own child.
Keys to mutual understanding
It is at this stress point that problems arise, which later can lead, if not to a break in relations, then to a serious distance between partners. “The birth of a child, like a litmus test, reveals those unresolved problems in a couple that were before the birth,” says Inna Khamitova. “If the partners have not agreed on the shore about their responsibilities and roles, or simply have not created a trusting relationship, then when a child appears and there are even more tasks, it is much more difficult to do this.”
This process can take very sharp forms and develop into constant scandals. The first advice for future parents is to seriously prepare for the birth of a child. And not in a children's store, buying booties, but at the negotiating table, discussing all possible negative points and risks.
“Learn more about childbirth and the postpartum period,” advises Daria Utkina. - Go to courses for pregnant women together, read specialized literature.
It is very important to discuss in advance whether you need a nanny or a housekeeper, what role grandparents will play. And most importantly, what do you expect from each other.
The key to mutual understanding is to give the partner the opportunity and time to realize their new role
The birth of a child for most people is the main event in life. But at the same time, the realization that this life will never be the same does not come to young parents immediately. For objective reasons, they are forced to change their lifestyle, schedule, habits - and for some this becomes a problem. Especially for men who, unlike women, are not naturally endowed with hormones that allow them to quickly realize their parenthood. Therefore, they often need more time to adapt, and here the key to mutual understanding is to give the partner the opportunity and time to realize the new role. Instead of reproaches and ultimatums, it is worth explaining in detail why a new life requires certain sacrifices on the part of both parents.
Physical difficulties and a hormonal surge seriously affect the emotional state of a young mother - psychologists often call it "altered", meaning that she can behave completely differently than before the birth of a child. Even the most balanced woman can suddenly become whiny and capricious. Many mothers describe the first months after childbirth as "a black hole in the mind when you are not aware of your actions."
The third important step is to help yourself recover. “It is very important to talk about recovery in terms of your body,” explains Daria Utkina. - Find some pleasant and interesting procedures for yourself in advance, stock up on the contacts of lactation consultants, massage therapists. Plan how to arrange for yourself the opportunity to recover and at the same time be with the child.
The psychologist believes that first of all it is necessary to solve the basic problems - to eat and sleep, and then deal with relationships: “This is the time when a woman has one big task - adaptation to a child.
It’s good if her partner can take a vacation in the first month after giving birth, so that the two get used to new rhythms. ”
Emotional recovery is directly related to the ability to share experiences with relatives and friends or receive their support in time.
When talking about their relationship in the first year or two of a child's life, couples often use the word "unbearable." It is this feeling that pushes them to part. It seems that it is no longer possible to endure and the only way out is divorce.
“People are in a very stressful state,” explains Daria Utkina. - And it is very difficult to understand in such a situation how objective your emotions are. Am I really feeling this or am I overacting a bit? The only thing that can be controlled is our emotional reactions to the events that occur. Only we ourselves can bring stability to the environment that surrounds us.”
The fourth piece of advice is to be tolerant of your partner. The fact is that in a state of “unbearability” we address this feeling to the person who causes it in us.
We shift responsibility for our condition to him, although it arises simply because at some point our own fears and experiences are realized.
“But you need to understand the difference between tolerating and tolerating,” warns the psychologist. - When a person is in pain, if he closes his eyes, he will feel better for a moment. But if the source of pain does not disappear, then the body dies. And we come to the question: is this situation a reason to endure, or to be more tolerant? What will make me feel better right now and in a larger perspective?
The main key to how to save a family is to strive for a balance between parenthood and marriage
Often times, separation in a couple occurs because, in the earliest stages, the father feels excluded from the life of the mother and child. Therefore, an important point is an attempt to avoid the “feeling of the third superfluous”. Today, dads are actively involved in the preparation for childbirth and even childbirth.
An illusory equality is created between parents, which is immediately destroyed if a woman breastfeeds.
“Many dads breathe a sigh of relief when they find out that their father's functions do not include feeding at night and “putting to sleep” a newborn,” Daria Utkina reassures. - Then the question arises before the man: why am I needed here at all? But in fact, he faces the most important tasks: to create space so that a woman can calmly take care of a child, be strong and responsible, and help her partner recover after childbirth. And then the father feels that this is his role and it is significant, he is inspired and does not feel like a third wheel. You just need to remind him more often.”
Finally, the main key to how to save a family is to strive for a balance between parenthood and marriage. “Despite the fact that you have become a father and mother, we must not forget that you are also spouses, friends, lovers, just close people,” warns Inna Khamitova. - This is a separate and important task - to devote time and emotions to each other.
