How to support pregnant girlfriend

How to Support Your Pregnant Wife When a Baby is on the Way

Congratulations! Your partner is pregnant, this means that your main job is to be the leader of the support team. After all, pregnancy requires you to start getting proactive. She’s sailing the ship, but you are the entire crew.

Contents

• Emotional Support
• Mental Support
• Physical Support
• A Word About Massage
• Sharing in the Excitement
• Helping with Healthcare
• Be the One Who Talks About the Baby
• Make Friends with the Belly

Fret not, it’s not as much pressure as it might sound like at first. All it takes is honing your powers of observation and intuition while capitalizing on the skills you already have. While you’re supporting your pregnant wife, you might also want to prepare yourself for fatherhood if you’re new to parenting.

Emotional Support

Let’s start with the aspect of support that gets the most press: emotional support. Those things you’ve heard about pregnant women’s mercurial mood swings? They’re 100% true. And guess what? As hard as those moods are for you to deal with, they’re just as hard for her. Don’t be a wimp in the face of raging hormones. If she needs to cry, give her a shoulder. If she watches a sad commercial and wants to talk about it how it made her feel, have a seat and take her hand. If she wants to be alone a lot, check on her in a subtle manner — behind that closed door, she might be spiraling into hormone-fueled despair. But just a smile and a few words from you can turn it all around.

Mental Support

Mental support means taking things off of her plate. Does she normally plan meals for the week? Time to step in and help with the planning (and the shopping, too). Is she the one who pays the bills? Maybe you can be in charge of making sure those rent, utility, and student loan payments get out on time. Little things like this can really mean a lot to a pregnant woman who now has more important things to worry about.

Another big aspect of mental support is helping her stay positive about the changes she’s facing, both now and in the future. Motherhood represents a giant step in her sense of identity, and as excited as she might be, she’s probably wondering sometimes whether she’s ready. Tell her how cool it is to see her growing into this role. Compliment her on her maternal glow (which is totally a real thing—you’ll see it). Remind her that she’s incredibly strong. And for God’s sake, tell her she looks beautiful.

Physical Support

As your wife progresses in her pregnancy, ordinary life gets more difficult for her. That’s the easiest way to put it. If this is a shock to you, imagine carrying a 15 to 30-pound fanny pack around all the time, and maybe you’ll get the idea. Oh, and not only is she carrying around more and more weight by the day, but she also has tiny limbs poking into the spaces where her lungs, stomach, and bladder used to be. Literally. As they grow, babies crowd up against lots of different organs. Ever taken an elbow or heel to the face while playing backyard football? Imagine that happening inside of you. Yeah, it’s not comfortable.

This means you do more and more of the physical work around the house. Do the laundry, the dishes, the heavy lifting. Once she gets into the third trimester, she’s going to need help just getting off the couch. You might even need to adjust how you share the bed since her changing body is making it pretty hard for her to get comfortable.

A Word About Massage

As everyone will constantly remind you, once you make the announcement, your whole life changes when a baby arrives. While this is very true, it’s also true that a woman’s whole body changes during pregnancy. It changes in ways you and she never thought possible. It’s even more exhausting than going through puberty—after all, it’s all happening in just a matter of months.

Even before her baby belly starts to show, her back, legs, and hips are going to begin to ache, thanks to her body preparing for the changes to come. Late in pregnancy, walking to the mailbox is the equivalent of at least a half-marathon. Everything starts to ache and get sore.

One thing you as the partner can do to help is to give massages.

Just a ten-minute massage offers a great time to talk about each other’s days or ask how the other is feeling.

You don’t have to be a masseur, you just have to have hands. A good partner will put in a lot of time over the forty-week period rubbing and massaging their wife’s feet. It’s easy to do, and it helps to connect you to your partner through physical touch. A good rule of thumb (get it?) is that any time the two of you are sitting down together, whether to watch TV or while hanging out with friends, get those hands going. Don’t overlook the opportunity it provides for good communication, either. Just a ten-minute massage offers a great time to talk about each other’s days or ask how the other is feeling.

If you want to instantly know that you’re making a difference, start with massaging her feet, ankles, and calves. For a pregnant woman, a foot massage is the Super Bowl, the NBA Finals, a birthday party, and winning the lottery all wrapped up into one amazing, life-changing event.

In addition to foot massages, back and neck massages are right up there on the list of things that feel amazing to pregnant women. Refer once again to that 30-pound fanny pack analogy. Every day brings a new challenge in how to stand, sit, and hold her body in a way that isn’t going to hurt too much tomorrow. Add in the stress she’s going through, and you’ve got some serious tension in the neck, shoulders, and lower back.

Basically, imagine how your joints and muscles would feel after a week-long backpacking trip through the mountains. Then aim to massage those spots on her. Listen for the groans, and you’ll know you’re getting it right.

Sharing in the Excitement

Pregnant women need to feel that they’re not alone in this life-changing event. You’re supporting your partner, giving her daily massages…what else could she possibly need? Lots of things, that’s what. But she really just needs a partner. Since she’s doing all the real work, the least you can do is be there for her and share in the excitement of having a child. This means helping with planning and having a voice on various topics having to do with the baby.

Helping with Healthcare

Go with your wife to as many doctor/midwife appointments as you can. Not only will you learn some things (and save her the trouble of explaining them to you later), but you’ll understand where she’s coming from if she has concerns about her healthcare provider or procedures. This happens more often than you might think, and she’s going to need you to help her think them through. Get comfortable with the terminology, understand what her hopes and expectations are, and be ready to advocate for her if issues arise. The things you learn through being involved in her prenatal care early on will be very helpful once she goes into labor.

Be the One Who Talks About the Baby

Few things make an expectant mother prouder than being able to show off the fact that her child’s father gives a damn. You don’t have to go on for hours about the colors you’re painting the nursery during poker night, but it’s really nice for her to have someone else sub in when someone asks for the eighty-eighth time, “How’s the pregnancy going?”

You should both anticipate that female relatives and friends will get very…um, involved?…as the pregnancy progresses. Mothers and mothers-in-law, in particular, want to give advice about every aspect of childcare, from the foods she should be eating to the type of breathing she should do through contractions to the car seat you should buy. This gets overwhelming as hell for a pregnant woman. You can win major hero points by stepping into these conversations and tactfully but firmly ending them.

Make Friends with the Belly

When your wife is pregnant, everything revolves around the belly. It’s just out there, calling the world’s attention, getting in the way of simple tasks like tying her shoes, preventing her from wearing her favorite clothes. This might shock you, but even the most excited mother-to-be sometimes feels some resentment toward this rapidly growing watermelon attached to her midsection.

You can really help with this by learning to love the belly. Touch it as it’s growing — a great approach is to hug her from behind and put your hands over it protectively. Even before the baby starts kicking, rub, and stroke her belly when you’re alone together. Tell her how beautiful it is. You can even give it kisses, or talk to the baby “through” it. You might feel silly at first, but this means so much to your pregnant partner. It reassures her that you’re not just there — you’re engaged. It might seem like a simple thing, but it’s important and she will love you for it.

As the partner of a pregnant woman, it really doesn’t take much to be a hero. Just amplify the best skills and traits that you bring to your relationship, keep your eyes and ears open, and remember that the better you look after her, the better she can look after your new best friend.

And now that Junior is on his way, maybe instead of throwing a baby shower, you should opt for a “Dadchelor Party” instead.

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15 Great Ways To Support Her During Pregnancy

It’s fair to say that women do most of the work when it comes to pregnancy. After all, your baby has set up camp in your partner’s uterus, so she is the one who will be peeing every twenty minutes, struggling to get comfy at night, and giving birth. Your lack of uterus puts you on the bench, but you can still be a team player when it comes to pregnancy. You are charged with the vital role of providing support, being a shoulder to cry on and, of course, getting the snacks.

As your partner battles her way through morning sickness, fatigue and the job of relearning her center of gravity so as not to fall over, you can help out by:

#1: Help without being asked

Pregnancy takes its toll on her energy levels, and you may find that your partner is falling asleep as soon as she gets home from work. Simply put, she just doesn’t have as many hours in her day now that she’s pregnant – growing a baby is exhausting. There are lots of ways you can help her out, and the best place to start is around the home. Take on a few extra chores so that your partner can get some much-needed sleep without the house falling into disarray.

#2: New her, new you

Your partner has probably had to make a few lifestyle changes since finding out she was pregnant. She may have given up smoking, stopped drinking alcohol, switched to a healthier diet and started doing more regular exercise. Help her out by making these changes too. If you smoke, now is the perfect time to quit (read our helpful article here), and you will have the added benefit of providing a smoke-free home when your baby makes an appearance. Not just second-hand smoke, but third-hand smoke is now being identified as a risk factor for babies and children. Reduce the amount of alcohol you drink (consider becoming a ‘Pledge Dad’ via Pregnant Pause), join your partner on her healthy eating mission, and start going for long walks together.

#3: Get informed

Knowledge is power, and the best way to get clued up is to do your research. Read books, look online, and speak to your dad’s friends about pregnancy, birth and beyond. Find out what to expect, and get advice from the people you trust about how to be a great birth partner and father. BellyBelly has a range of helpful articles on books to read and everything you need to know about pregnancy, birth and parenting.

#4: Be there

The best way to support your partner during pregnancy is to be there – and not only be there but be emotionally present with her.

Go with her to as many antenatal checkups as you can, and make sure you are there for the ultrasound scans. Go with her to all of her antenatal classes, breastfeeding support classes, and anything else she decides to do to prepare for the birth of your baby. You will find that you get as much benefit from these classes as she does, and may even make some new friends see you through those first few months of sleepless nights.

Make time each week to sit and be present with your partner and your baby. Talk with your baby together. Feel your baby in her belly. Read a baby development book or website together to see what your baby has grown this week and share the wonder, joy, and excitement of that. It’s a great way for you to feel more connected to the pregnancy journey and a gateway to your partner seeing how you’re becoming a dad and a family man – she needs to know you’re there now and going to love this baby and her as a mum when you get there.

#5: Tell her she’s beautiful

Many women find it difficult to cope with the changes to their bodies during pregnancy. She may be worried about stretch marks, concerned about weight gain, or just be feeling not much like her old self. Tell her when she looks great, compliment her on her bump, and make sure she knows just how much you love her.

#6: Learn to love the pillows

You may have noticed that as your partner’s bump grows, so too do the number of pillows in your bed. Your once roomy bed is now cripplingly small, and you may find yourself teetering on the edge most nights and you battle against a makeshift wall of hollow fiber comfort. It may seem personal, but it’s not. Your partner is likely to be suffering from aches and pains in places she didn’t even know existed, and the pillows are vital in allowing her to get some sleep. Yes, all 57 of them. If you really want to win her over, treat her to a maternity pillow.

#7: Run her a bath

It’s important that your partner gets some time each day to relax, and focus on herself and the pregnancy. If she’s suffering from aches and pains and is struggling to fall asleep at night, she may benefit from a soak in the tub at the end of the day. Invest in some sweet-smelling bubble bath, light some candles and run a bath for your partner so she can have some peace at the end of a long day. Do this often, daily if necessary. And while she’s in there, take some time to relax yourself, it’s important to make sure you are feeling cared for as well.

A nice warm bath can also help wash away all the stresses of the day, at a time when stress reduction is very important. Read our 10 tips to help her with stress during pregnancy.

#8: Give massages (lots!)

Whether it’s foot rubs, lower back rubs or all-over body massages she wants, now is the time to hone your skills. Use massage oil and treat your partner to a relaxing massage to ease her aching body as it adjusts to the pregnancy. Massage is a great skill to have, because not only will it put you firmly in the running for “Lover Of The Year”, it will also be a tool you can use during labor to help your partner between contractions (if she feels like it – some women don’t). And, as an added bonus, you might feel more confident about giving baby massage a try in the not-so-distant future.

#9: Be understanding

Sometimes, pregnancy sucks. She might be feeling too nauseous to eat the meal you’ve cooked, too tired to go to that party, or too desperate for the bathroom to stop crying on the motorway. As her hormones wreak havoc on her body and mind, you may find that she gets upset about inconsequential things. Give her a break. Pregnancy has its fair share of ups and downs, but you can make it much easier by cutting her a little slack.

#10: Listen

It may sometimes feel like all your partner does these days is talking about the pregnancy. Well, that’s probably because it’s happening in her body every minute of the day. Whereas the pregnancy may occasionally slip your mind, she is carting around a very real reminder with her at all times. She may be finding the pregnancy tough, feeling worried about the birth, or having a confidence crisis about her mother’s abilities – or maybe all three. Be a shoulder for her to cry on, listen to all of her concerns, and offer her the reassurance and support she really needs.

#11: Talk about it

Listening is great, but talking and sharing your own feelings and experiences is just as important. You will have a whole set of worries of your own and might be dealing with some conflicting emotions about the pregnancy and fatherhood. That’s ok, it’s normal, and it will help you both if you are honest about your feelings. You may find that she is worried about a lot of the same things and that you can support each other through any concerns.

#12: Prioritize her

The relationship a pregnant woman has with her partner is very important. A large study in Scandinavia recently identified that the single biggest factor in antenatal anxiety was a woman’s relationship with her partner, and there’s also a big link between mood disorders antenatally and postnatally.

Life can get busy sometimes. There are only so many hours in each day, and yet so much to be packed in. There are work demands, social activities, family to see, and a relationship to nurture. It can be pretty exhausting, and you may at times wonder whether you are neglecting certain areas of your life. Make sure that you are prioritizing your relationship throughout the pregnancy. Make time for her, make the effort, and check in to find out how she’s doing.

Find out more about preventing postnatal depression which is so valuable to know before your baby arrives.

#13: Create some memories

You will soon be a family of three, and though you will find that life becomes more wonderful and rich than ever before, it’s true to say that it will never be the same again. The lazy mornings in bed, the carefree nights out, and the impromptu weekends away will be scarce, at least for a few years. Now is the perfect time to create some special memories together. Take a trip away, spend a weekend lounging in bed, and head off into the countryside for walks. Do whatever you want, just make sure you do it together.

#14: Be the birth partner of her dreams

Talk to your partner about birth, and find out her wishes. Make sure she knows you will be her advocate in the delivery room. Support her birth choices, and do your own research so you can help her on the day. Plan your route to the hospital, and make sure you have a change to pay for parking. Pack snacks, make sure your camera is fully charged, and keep your phone with you at all times. Make sure she can always reach you, and that she knows you have this whole birth partner thing fully under control.

You might like to read our birth support guide for partners here.

#15: Look after her

After birth, your partner will need time to recover. She will be exhausted, sore and hormonal, and will be relying on you for support. Help with the baby, and do as many nappy changes as you can. If she’s breastfeeding, make sure that she feels supported, and seek help for her if she is struggling. Cook meals, help your partner get some sleep, and make sure she knows just how much you love her.

A pregnant wife: instructions for her husband

During pregnancy, new processes begin to occur in a woman's body, often incomprehensible to both spouses.

Emotions, appetite, dizziness, changes in bodily sensations... Of course, all this affects relationships in the family. Husbands experience extreme stress and often do not know what to do - as if their wife had been replaced.

Of course, much in a relationship during pregnancy depends on how desirable the unborn child is. And on how the couple knows how to express their love for each other.

Communication with a pregnant wife requires special understanding, patience, and knowledge of the situation. To facilitate communication, we offer the husband some tips to help him get through this difficult period without loss.

Try to understand what cannot be experienced by yourself

It is not physically possible for a man to feel what is happening to a woman. Talk to your wife about things that she feels are bothering her. This will allow you to understand it better. Yes, you do not feel the same, but you are actively involved, you are there. You are one hundred percent in the process. A man can simply sympathize and provide comfort. Knowing that a husband is worried about his wife is very important. This will give her strength and calmness.

Take on more household chores

Listen to your wife's wishes. Any. Household or even requests for small things. Take out the trash, hang up laundry after washing, take over the washing of dishes or finally install a dishwasher. Any help is important, this is a real manifestation of care and love. Even if you were brought up with the understanding that there are “male” and “female” jobs in the house, you will have to break the stereotype. Take into account that such times are already in the past, when women did not work, but took care of the house. In a modern society, where both men and women work equally, it is also customary to share responsibilities, and even more so in such a difficult period for a woman.

Take care of your wife and fulfill all her "whims"

It may seem to you that your wife has turned into a terrible shrew and asks for the impossible. This is not so, in the body of a woman during this period, hormones made a real mess, hence the strange behavior, habits, requests. Believe me, your wife does not mock you. And if she wanted peaches in the middle of the night in winter, then run headlong through all the supermarkets in search of what she wants. All the same, she will not let you fall asleep and will throw a tantrum. Because it is very important for her, no matter how strange her request may seem to you. It is likely that she herself will then be surprised by her behavior.

If she asks you not to wear cologne, hide it away. Does she no longer like your beard? Shave without regrets. If she does not want intimacy, then she will have to put up with it. Not always women experience pleasant sensations from sex during pregnancy. Do not rush her, be affectionate and gentle and she herself will seduce you if she wants to.

A woman's legs get very tired during pregnancy. Still, the weight is growing, the blood vessels of the legs are compressed under the weight of the fetus, and the ankles are also swollen. Give her a foot massage with lavender and peppermint oils before bed. This will relieve tension before going to bed and relax a woman. Your wife will be grateful to you. Offer to help with everything, even if you need to shampoo and blow dry your hair.

Trust your wife and don't give too much advice

Often men give advice to their wife that they once heard from their mother. When showing concern about the state of pregnancy, it is important for a husband to use any information in moderation. Even doctor's advice may not always be appropriate. Believe me, a woman feels better what exactly she needs at this particular moment - women's instincts are perfectly developed. And the information from your mother may no longer be relevant, even worse, it will irritate your wife. It is better to read the popular modern literature on this topic yourself and invite her to discuss the book together.

"Filter" the environment and external information

Try to protect your wife from negativity during this period. These can be people who are unpleasant to her (even from among relatives), violent films and programs, discussions of unsuccessful pregnancy and childbirth on Internet forums.

A woman is too receptive at this time and can think up a lot of unnecessary things, and people unpleasant to her will cause her stress. Better bring her more good videos about children, animals and happy love. Come up with reasons for her why she can't go to the birthday party of a cousin she can't stand
cannot.

A woman is now like a fragile vase, fill it only with soft toys and sweets and make sure that needles do not accidentally fall into it.

Maintain love, make efforts

After a certain period of time - usually from a year to three - the feeling of love sharply declines. Even the wife's pregnancy does not save. Therefore, a man's initiative is needed. Support love with your actions. It is important to understand that it depends on you whether the love fire will be maintained or whether it will die out. And remember that a child is the result of love. Show love, do not accumulate omissions and resentment. Move on to the next level.

Everything will work out if you consciously go through this difficult but amazing period of pregnancy. And it is best to experience it together with your beloved wife, without standing aside.

HOW TO SUPPORT YOUR WIFE DURING PREGNANCY? / Articles / CHILDREN'S QUESTION.RF

Author: Marina Larionova, photo: pixabay.com

RELATIONSHIPS

There is a joyful and pleasant event in your family: soon you will have a child. And ahead - nine months of waiting. Marital relations during pregnancy undergo changes. In some families, the expectation of a child becomes a real disaster: mutual understanding disappears, the best feelings are replaced by their opposite.

In others, it happens that, on the contrary, relationships that were deteriorating before suddenly become better. Of course, the desired child for each of the spouses will be an important point. CHILDREN'S QUESTION.RF has prepared an article on how to make the months of pregnancy enjoyable for the whole family.