How to help your child socialize in school

Ways to Help Your Child Make Friends in School – Cleveland Clinic

Kids seem to have busier schedules than ever before, as we shuffle them off from one activity or sports practice to another. Some can jump right into social situations, while others struggle.

What if your child isn’t a social butterfly or prefers to spend time alone at recess or after school? As a parent, there are some ways you can help, says pediatric behavioral health specialist Kristen Eastman, PsyD.

“If your child doesn’t appear to make friends like other kids the same age, they may just need some coaching and practice time on simple social skills,” she says.

She offers these tips to help you assess the situation and give your child a much-needed boost of confidence in approaching social situations.

Take time to observe and understand how your child socializes

Start with a “fly on the wall” approach, Dr. Eastman suggests. Attend a few activities at school (or sports after school) and pay close attention to how your child interacts with others. Do they behave differently than their “norm” at home? If so, why?

Your child may have a tough time starting conversations. They may have anxiety in large groups or a fear of public speaking, and that keeps them from engaging meaningfully with other children. Do they prefer to keep to themselves and observe instead of joining in?

Depending on what behavior you see, you can then decide where to focus your attention, what skills need building and how you can contribute. “Trust your instincts, because you know your kid best,” Dr. Eastman says.

Model positive social behavior

Children really do learn by example, so be mindful of how you interact with others.

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Every time you strike up conversations with friends or neighbors, or even the check-out person at the grocery store, your child is aware. Almost every scenario becomes a learning opportunity, allowing your child to see how you join in, negotiate and problem-solve.

Role play at home

If your pre-teen or teenager finds it difficult to start conversations at lunch or during free time at school, sit down and practice at home. Discuss what topics interest them that he might talk about with other kids. Test different options until he finds something that comes naturally.

Give your child a head start

If your child wants to play baseball, but is reluctant to start, visit the field with them and throw the ball around so they can get acclimated ahead of time. Go early to the first practice so you arrive before others start showing up and the scene gets more chaotic.

If they want to take swimming lessons, let them take a couple private lessons before joining a full class, so they’ll already have built up some confidence.

Reinforce and praise

Make it exciting and rewarding to practice trying new things. Even when your child is only making slow progress, make sure to reinforce their efforts.

Acknowledge each small success, and tell your child how proud you are that they keep trying.

Get the ball rolling

For smaller children, setting up a play date with just one other child is often a good idea. If your child is older, you might open up the house by inviting the baseball team over for pizza and a movie.

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“Especially in the beginning, the goal is to help your child feel comfortable socializing and make it a positive experience,” Dr. Eastman says.

Don’t avoid the problem

If social situations are difficult for your child, you might rather avoid or ignore the problem. But your child won’t learn to improve their relationships by always sitting at home with you. Dr. Eastman recommends gradually pushing a shy child slightly beyond their comfort zone into new situations, with gentle coaching and encouragement.

“Don’t throw them off the diving board, but ease them toward the deep end,” she says.

Don’t compare your child to yourself or other siblings

Be realistic about your child’s unique personality and temperament, which guides how much social interaction they seek. Just because you have dozens of friends doesn’t mean your child will, too. It doesn’t necessarily mean there is a problem. Some introverted children make a few really good friends instead of having many more casual friendships.

“It’s tough when a parent’s normal doesn’t line up with a child’s normal,” Dr. Eastman says. “As long as they’re doing things they want to do and are happy and well-adjusted, that’s good.”

7 Tips to Help Your Child Socialize at School | TOTS Family | Parenting | Kids

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Some kids find socialization challenging and others are social by nature so use these 7 Tips to Help Your Child Socialize at School.

Each class has two main types of students – those who walk up to others and socialize without a problem, and those who need more effort to become social.

This is not a bad thing. On the opposite, being an introvert has as many advantages as being an extrovert.

You cannot and definitely should not attempt to change the nature of your child the way you want it, but you can certainly help them socialize more.

Here are 7 Tips to Help Your Child Socialize at School.

Table of Contents

1. Practice with Them

If your kid doesn’t socialize with other kids and finds it hard to make friends, perhaps he doesn’t know how.

It sometimes takes more effort to find the ways to make friends. Fortunately, even in this case, practice makes perfect.

Pretend that you are a kid at school and do some role-playing with your child.

This will help you oversee his current stage of socialization and help you help him establish new relationships with his peers.

2. Demonstrate What a Friendship Looks Like

To be willing and able to make friends, your child needs to know what real friendships look like.

There are many ways to demonstrate this.

Invite your closest friends over and tell your child how strong your friendship is.

Building a friendly relationship with the kid in addition to being their parent can also help them understand how important friendship is.

The skills your child will develop if they engage with a friend will help them socialize better.

If your child has a close friend in the neighborhood but struggles to make new friends at school, make his encounters with this friend more frequent.

This will help them when they need to make new friends.

3. Prep Them for What to Expect

Whenever a situation for socialization arises, prep your kid beforehand.

If your child is an introvert and you fear they won’t be able to socialize at the new school or class, prepare them on what to do and expect on their first day at school.

Do such preparations when they need to meet new friends.

When your child is invited to a birthday, practice with him how he will approach the birthday boy or girl.

On occasions, be the child in the classroom that needs some help with the task.

Teach your child how to help him and socialize.

4. Find New Opportunities for Socializing

As we said, practice is important. In addition to doing play roles with your child or preparing them for an event, give them opportunities where they can actually socialize with other children.

The socialization does not and should not be limited to the school.

Every opportunity you provide for your child to be around others is a step toward more successful socializing.

Arrange play dates, sign him in for a class, arrange sleepovers, etc.

Sometimes your best strategy is to let the child learn how to socialize on his own and all you have to do is provide the opportunity.

5. Seek Help from Others

A kid who isn’t social is an introvert, a shy person.

Some kids find it harder to overcome these barriers than others.

If nothing we mentioned helps, it is time to seek help from others.

Talk to the pediatrician to see if there is an underlying issue that needs to be address.

You may even consider taking your child to the child psychologist if you notice some serious communication obstacles that cannot be overcome.

We all need help once in a while. Whether you ask the professor to help you help the child socialize, or decide to contact a professional, know that seeking help is not a bad thing at all.

6. Teach Them to Love Music

Music is recognized as a great tool for social development, so why not leverage it to help your child adjust in school?

Encourage the child to join music classes or convince them to learn to play an instrument.

Of course, that is if the child shows some interest in doing so.

Music is a very productive ways to boost the social skills.

According to BBC, ‘’Learning a musical instrument can boost a child’s confidence and learning in other areas’’.

In addition to this, the child who plays an instrument is more exposed to meeting other children, which provides them with another opportunity for socialization.

7. Encourage Them to Join a Sports Team

The same goes for sports – if your child is interested in practicing some sport, encourage this.

Those who learn to play an instrument will meet at school plays and practice, while those who join a school sports team can work on their team-building skills.

Sports provide a very valuable lesson in communication, as well as cooperation.

These are essential parts of the socialization process and can help your child increase his self-esteem.

Have you tried some of these methods to help your child socialize better at school?

If not, it is time to pick at least one of them and get started. You will notice the results really soon.

About author: Olivia is a young journalist who is passionate about topics of career, recruitment and self-development. She constantly tries to learn something new and share this experience on https://www.aussiewritings.com as well as on other relevant websites.

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Tip #1: Create a Comfortable Atmosphere at Home

When children worry and worry about what's going on at home, they can't focus on learning and socializing with classmates. Their thoughts are occupied with domestic problems. A child in this state can withdraw into himself or, conversely, try to attract attention in any way possible: disrupt the lesson, interfere with other children in the class.

The child's peace of mind and self-confidence depend on family relationships. If parents respect personal boundaries, listen to each other's opinions, discuss feelings and experiences, then the child will know that he will be understood and protected in any situation. In an atmosphere of acceptance and love, children are not afraid to take risks and make mistakes. And this is important for development and feeling like a “living”, creative person who is able to cope with difficulties.

Tip 2: develop adequate self-esteem in your child

It is not necessary to impress a child that he is the best in the world in everything. This can do more harm than good. At school, teachers and classmates will not treat him the same way as his parents. And other children may be more successful in something - better answer in class, run faster or draw more beautifully.

The child may lose trust in adults - "why did mom and dad tell lies?". Or even doubt your appearance, mind and talents.

As a result, he will either fence himself off from everyone in the class, or others will turn away from him - who wants to be friends with an imaginary?

Better explain to the kid that all people are different - someone is good at one thing, someone else. But for his family, he will always be the most intelligent, talented and beloved.

Tip 3: Learn to accept rejection and say the word "no"

Young children are prone to selfish behavior - especially before the age of 3-4 years. Therefore, when preparing a child for school, you need to gradually accustom him to the idea that people can refuse him. And not at all because they want to offend or punish. For example, parents may refuse to play if they are tired or just busy with their own business - reading a book, watching a movie.

It's important to explain the reason, even if it's "I just don't want to now." So children learn not only to accept rejection, but also to notice that someone nearby is upset and needs help or peace. A child who knows how to reckon with other people's emotions will calmly react to the fact that classmates or a teacher are not ready to play with him right now. And he will be able to confidently say "no" if he does not want to do something.

Tip 4: Help to believe in yourself

It is very important to teach your child to believe in himself. For example, before school, you can sometimes succumb to it in board games. So, first of all, he will feel the joy of victory. And secondly, he will understand that it is not scary to lose - after all, the parents were not upset.

Uncertainty can manifest itself in different ways. Sometimes the child refuses to do something - for example, he does not want to skate because he is afraid to fall. In this case, it makes sense to "push" him a little and offer to try to ride at least once. When everything works out, the child will be happy that he was able to overcome his fear. And he will understand that even those tasks that seem impossible are quite up to him.

But the reverse situation also happens: the child behaves defiantly, takes risks on purpose. You should not rejoice at how boldly he takes on everything. Try to understand why he is doing this - he is simply imitating someone, wants to draw attention to himself, or is trying to overcome fear and uncertainty.

Tip 5: Manage your sleep and schedule

To be alert, cheerful and confident, a first grader needs to get enough sleep. Therefore, if, for example, he did not have time to do his homework, it is better to write a note to the teacher than to solve the problem about two diggers before one in the morning.

You also need to remember that the life of a schoolboy is not limited to lessons. Yes, children sit in class and do homework for 5-8 hours a day. But even with such a schedule, it is important to find time for activities that are interesting and enjoyable for the child. Try to make a schedule together so that you have enough time for both sports and entertainment - games and communication with peers in the yard, favorite circles, cartoons and computer games.

We asked Anna Semyonova to recommend books on the psychology of children and adolescents, studies about school and education. You can find them on the Pro bookshelf in Bookmate.

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How can you help your child overcome socialization problems?

Problems with socialization may be a symptom of the following disorders:

NRO, non-verbal learning disorder;
SCD, social communication disorder;
ADHD - attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.

Finding friends and joining the company is an integral part of a child's life. This can be difficult at times, but if your child has persistent communication difficulties, it could be a sign of a learning and attention disorder.

There are various disorders that prevent a child from socializing, however, there is one that is known to affect communication skills - Nonverbal Learning Disabilities (NVLD / NLD). To solve a problem, you need to find its cause. Find out what prevents your child from socializing and how you can help him.

Possible symptoms

Problems with socialization may not be as obvious in early childhood, depending on the cause of the problems. Some children with nonverbal learning disorder, for example, do not show symptoms until elementary or middle school. This is the period when socialization becomes more difficult.

You may have noticed that your child responds inappropriately when he is drawn into a conversation or does not see when someone is obviously annoyed.

What could be causing communication problems?

1. Non-Verbal Learning Disorder (NLE) is a learning disorder that seriously affects communication skills.

Other disorders can also make communication difficult for children, but for different reasons. Below are some of the disorders that can cause communication problems.

Nonverbal learning disorder is a disorder that makes it difficult for children to understand nonverbal communications. As a rule, children with NRO miss body language, facial expressions, and intonation of voice, so they may not understand the intentions of the interlocutor. For example, such a child will not understand that a classmate who has crossed his arms and turned away does not want to talk to him.

Many children with NLL do not understand abstract concepts, they cannot read between the lines, and they literally understand figurative expressions. NRO often affects self-control skills, which causes the child to interrupt the interlocutor and not keep his emotions under control. Deviation also affects coordination and mathematical ability.

Let's look at some of the symptoms of NRO associated with communication skills:

Talks a lot
Uses inappropriate expressions
Relies on adults to get information
Does not understand facial expressions, body language
Extremely literal and does not understand figures of speech and sarcasm
Avoids contact with peers
Prefers communication with adults to communication with other children

Children of different ages may have different symptoms of NRO. A child who is now in the first grade will behave differently in the ninth grade.

2. Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD): Symptoms of ADHD can make it difficult for a child to socialize. Children with ADHD have difficulty concentrating and controlling impulses.

The following are symptoms of children with ADHD related to communication skills:

Not waiting in line
Intervenes in a conversation, interrupts the interlocutor
Demands that his whims be fulfilled immediately
Prevents the interlocutor from inserting a word
Does not listen well to others and is lost in his own speech
Gives up quickly, dumps group work on others
Does not sit still, fidgets all the time

The symptoms of ADHD vary from child to child. As in the case of NRO, a child who is in the lower grades will behave very differently in the higher grades.

3. Social Communication Disorder (SCD): Children with SCD experience problems with verbal communication. Unlike children with NRO and ADHD, they often just don't want to talk to other people.

Here are some of the symptoms of children with IBS that prevent them from interacting with others:

Almost not interested in socializing with others
Changes the subject or takes over the conversation
Underdevelopment of speech due to impaired phonemic perception
Does not adjust his speech to suit different people or situations
Loses important details when talking to strangers
Does not know how to properly greet people, receive information and attract attention
Extremely literal and does not understand figures of speech and sarcasm
Does not understand non-verbal communication
He won't understand anything unless he is directly told about it

The symptoms of IBS may present differently in children of different ages.

The three disorders are unrelated, but they may coexist in the child.

Knowing what is behind your child's communication problems will help you find the best solution.

How to find answers

If your child has communication problems, the key to getting the best support is to find the root of the problem. A good start is to observe the child's behavior. Pay attention to the little things. Any information will be useful to a specialist who will analyze it. Determining the source of your child's problems can be a long and complicated process. Here's how to get started:

Talk to your child's teacher. You are aware of the difficulties that a child faces at home. But the teacher can draw your attention to something new by talking about his behavior in the classroom. Talking about your observations and concerns can lead to informal support at school. For example, the teacher may move your child to children with similar interests or try to give clearer instructions so that the child understands.
Consider testing at school. If you think your child's communication skills are being affected by a learning or attention disorder, you can ask your child's teacher for tests. Depending on the result, the child will have the opportunity to receive the necessary help and support.
Seek medical attention. You can start by talking to your child's doctor about your concerns. Together you can determine how to find the cause of your child's communication problems. The doctor can identify medical problems and also help you find neurologists or another specialist for testing.
Talk to a specialist. Some pediatricians may test your child for ADHD. But psychologists who specialize in learning and attention disorders can test a child for both ADHD and NDE. A speech therapist can determine the child's TFR. There are different types of tests for NRO, ADHD, and TFR.

What You Can Do Now

Whatever the cause of your child's communication problems, there are always ways to support them, build their self-esteem and teach them basic communication skills. Just knowing that you are always there and ready to support him will make a big difference.

Below are some ways you can help:

Find out as much as you can. The more you know about the obstacles in your child's path, the better you can help him overcome them.
Watch and notice. It will help a lot if you know in which situations the child is experiencing difficulties. See how he usually behaves and what he does wrong, offer him a different approach. Your notes will also be helpful if you decide to see a doctor, teacher, or specialist.
Rehearse the situation. Rehearse with your child a situation in which he usually gets lost. By example, teach him to start and maintain a conversation, not to interrupt the interlocutor and to behave politely.
Introduce your child to other children. It will be easier for the child to communicate with children with the same interests. Look for classes or clubs that teach things he likes.
Look for classes that teach communication skills. Perhaps your school provides them for free. Some professionals may offer special programs for children who are unable to communicate.
Try different approaches. Search social media groups for ideas on how to help your child make friends and improve their communication skills.
Contact other parents. You may think that you are the only family where a child has problems with social skills, but in fact this is not so. Talk to parents who are in a similar situation, share experiences, observations and ideas.