How to deal with child nightmares
Nightmares (for Parents) - Nemours KidsHealth
Even toddlers may speak about having dreams — pleasant ones and scary ones. Almost every child has an occasional frightening or upsetting dream. But nightmares seem to peak during the preschool years when fear of the dark is common.
Nightmares aren't completely preventable, but parents can set the stage for a peaceful night's rest. That way, when nightmares do creep in, a little comfort from you can quickly ease your child's mind.
When Do Nightmares Happen?
Nightmares — like most dreams — happen during the stage of sleep when the brain is very active. The vivid images the brain is processing can seem as real as the emotions they might trigger.
This part of sleep is known as the rapid eye movement or REM stage because the eyes are rapidly moving beneath closed eyelids. Nightmares tend to happen during the second half of a night's sleep, when REM periods are longer.
When kids awaken from a nightmare, its images are still fresh and can seem real. So it's natural for them to feel afraid and upset and to call out to a parent for comfort.
By about preschool age, kids begin to understand that a nightmare is only a dream — and that what's happening isn't real and can't hurt them. But knowing that doesn't prevent them from feeling scared. Even older kids feel frightened when they awaken from a nightmare.
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What Causes Nightmares?
No one knows exactly what causes nightmares. Dreams — and nightmares — seem to be one way kids process thoughts and feelings about situations they face, and to work through worries and concerns.
Some may happen when a child has stress or is dealing with a change. Events or situations that might feel unsettling — such as moving, attending a new school, the birth of a sibling, or family tensions — might also be reflected in unsettling dreams.
Sometimes nightmares are part of a child's reaction to trauma — such as a natural disaster, accident, or injury. For some kids, especially those with a good imagination, reading scary books or watching scary movies or TV shows just before bedtime can inspire nightmares.
Sometimes a nightmare has recognizable bits and pieces of the day's events and experiences, but with a scary twist. A child might not remember every detail, but can usually recall some of the images, characters, or situations, and the scary parts.
Encouraging Sweet Dreams
Parents can't prevent nightmares, but can help kids get a good night's sleep — and that encourages sweet dreams.
To help them relax when it's time to sleep, be sure that kids:
- have a regular bedtime and wake-up time
- have a sleep routine that helps them slow down, and feel safe and secure as they drift off to sleep. This might include a bath, a snuggle from you, reading, or some quiet talk about the pleasant events of the day.
- have a bed that's a cozy, peaceful place to quiet down. A favorite toy, stuffed animal, night-light, or dream catcher can help.
- avoid scary movies, TV shows, and stories before bed — especially if they've triggered nightmares before
- know that nightmares aren't real, that they're just dreams and can't hurt them
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After a Nightmare
Here's how to help your child cope after a nightmare:
Reassure your child that you're there.
Your calm presence helps your child feel safe and protected after waking up feeling afraid. Knowing you'll be there helps strengthen your child's sense of security.
Label what's happened. Let your child know that it was a nightmare and now it's over. You might say something like, "You had a bad dream, but now you're awake and everything is OK." Reassure your child that the scary stuff in the nightmare didn't happen in the real world.
Offer comfort. Show that you understand that your child feels afraid and it's OK. Remind your child that everyone dreams and sometimes the dreams are scary, upsetting, and can seem very real, so it's natural to feel scared by them.
Do your magic. With preschoolers and young school-age kids who have vivid imaginations, the magical powers of your love and protection can work wonders. You might be able to make the pretend monsters disappear with a dose of pretend monster spray. Go ahead and check the closet and under the bed, reassuring your child that all's clear.
Mood lighting. A nightlight or a hall light can help kids feel safe in a darkened room as they get ready to go back to sleep. A bedside flashlight can be a good nightmare-chaser.
Help your child go back to sleep. Offering something comforting might help change the mood. Try any of these to aid the transition back to sleep: a favorite stuffed animal to hold, a blanket, pillow, nightlight, dreamcatcher, or soft music. Or discuss some pleasant dreams your child would like to have. And maybe seal it by giving your child a kiss to hold — in the palm of his or her hand — as you tiptoe out of the room.
Be a good listener. No need to talk more than briefly about the nightmare in the wee hours — just help your child feel calm, safe, and protected, and ready to go back to sleep. But in the morning, your child may want to tell you all about last night's scary dream. By talking about it — maybe even drawing the dream or writing about it — in the daylight, many scary images lose their power.
Your child might enjoy thinking up a new (more satisfying) ending to the scary dream.
For most kids, nightmares happen only now and then, are not cause for concern, and simply require a parent's comfort and reassurance. Talk to your doctor if nightmares often prevent your child from getting enough sleep or if they happen along with other emotional or behavioral troubles.
Nightmares: Why they happen and what to do about them (ages 5 to 8)
How to know if it's a nightmare
If your child wakes up crying or fearful and has trouble getting back to sleep, chances are they've had a nightmare. These scary episodes usually happen during the second half of the night, when dreaming is most likely to occur. Your child will probably remember their bad dream the next day and may continue to be bothered by it.
Nightmares are different from night terrors, a less common sleep disturbance that usually strikes during the first third of the night. Children having a night terror episode remain fast asleep throughout, in a deep, nondreaming state, yet they're extremely agitated and hard to console.
Afterward, they go back to snoozing soundly and won't remember the incident in the morning.
Why nightmares happen
Most kids have nightmares once in a while, but 5- to 8-year-olds, with their rapidly expanding grasp of real-life perils (like car accidents, violence, and death), may be especially affected.
Your child's nightmares may stem from listening to a story that's scary (even if it doesn't seem scary to you), watching an upsetting program or movie, getting excited or worked up before bed, or feeling anxious or stressed during the day.
Many things can cause stress – and nightmares – for a 5- to 8-year-old, from starting school to changes in childcare, parental divorce, a death in the family, or a parent's layoff from work. For a child working through their feelings about these stressful events, nightmares are a normal response, and you're not a bad parent if your child has them.
How to help your child after a nightmare
Go to your child when they cry out.
Physical reassurance is important, so hug them or rub their back until they calm down. If you bring them into your bed to comfort them, be aware you could be creating a habit that's hard to reverse.
Let them tell you about the nightmare if they want to, but don't press it. At this age, they understand the difference between reality and fantasy, so you can console them by reminding them it was "only a dream." But be patient if they're still upset – we all know the emotions conjured up by a nightmare are very real.
You may also want to show your child there are no monsters under the bed or hiding in the closet. Be nonchalant about it to avoid getting drawn into an all-the-lights-on monster-hunt extravaganza. Double-check that your child's favorite toy or stuffed animal is tucked in with them, make sure the night light is on, and remind them you're right down the hall, ready to assure that everyone in the house is safe.
Teaching nightmare-coping skills can also help. Some children like coming up with a "happy ending" for their dream the next day.
Others may benefit from drawing a picture of the bad dream and throwing it away.
Preventing nightmares
First, minimize overall stress by making sure your child gets enough sleep.
A relaxing and predictable bedtime routine can help ward off nightmares – try a warm bath, an uplifting story, a song, and end with a night light. You can also read books that talk about bedtime fears, such as There are Monsters in My Room, by Michael and Rachel Yu or Bye-Bye Bad Dreams, by Stephanie L. Robinson.
Some 5- to 8-year-olds are comforted by feeling they have control of a scary situation. Though not all kids are consoled by methods like these, here are a few nighttime tricks to try:
- Write a sign that says, "Only good dreams allowed here," or a similar sentiment, to hang over your child's bed. Have them decorate it with stickers or drawings of things they enjoy and want to dream about.
- Let them rub a little skin lotion or face cream – you might call it "good dream cream" – on their tummy or forehead before turning in.
- Fill a spray bottle with water scented with a couple drops of vanilla extract ("monster spray" or "nightmare repellent") and let your child banish scary dreams by spritzing a little around their room before bed.
If you suspect anxiety or stress is behind the bad dreams, try talking to your child about what might be bothering them during the calmer daylight hours. If the nightmares persist and they're extremely afraid of going to bed or fearful during the day, bring it up with their doctor – the dreams could signal an emotional issue that needs addressing.
Child's nightmares: how to help him
Childhood nightmares and fears are an experience that many families go through. "Monsters" appear at night and scare not only the child: at such moments everyone is worried. But if you understand the nature of nightmares, then it will be quite possible to help the baby calm down and improve sleep. Anna Borodkina, a child analytical psychotherapist and clinical psychologist, talks about how to overcome fear together.
What is the reason?
Night terrors often occur in children in early and preschool age: up to 9 years, an average of 5-8% of children experience this phenomenon. Teenagers have fewer nightmares.
Possible causes of sleep disturbance due to nightmares are both external factors - watching scary films and videos, an unpleasant meeting with a dog, visiting attractions, and internal factors - early separation from mother, disturbed sense of security, a sharp change in the emotional background of the family, strong stress (birth of a brother or sister, death of someone close, accidents), conflicts and aggression in the family, divorce of parents, moving.
In children with night terrors during sleep, the duration and change of sleep stages are disturbed, especially in the first 60 minutes after falling asleep. The child wakes up suddenly, at such moments he is usually very excited and frightened. It is not possible to comfort the child right away, he may cry or scream.
Parents are worried, not knowing what to do.
First Aid
- Find out if the child is getting enough sleep, how long it sleeps, and whether the environment where the child sleeps is comfortable.
- Consult a neurologist to rule out organic causes of sleep disturbance.
- If there are no organic causes of sleep disturbance, seek support from a child psychologist or psychotherapist to normalize the psycho-emotional state.
What Parents Should Do
1. Take your child's nightmares and fears seriously and their fantasies with respect. Do not scold the child and do not try to convince him. Monsters really live under the bed, and the grandmother is hiding in the closet. Young children find it difficult to control their emotions, especially when they are overwhelmed with strong feelings.
The first thing that gives support and a feeling of "grounding" is physical contact. You can hug a child, stroke it, lie down next to it, sing a lullaby.
You can offer a glass of water or milk, make a cocoon out of a blanket to increase the feeling of physical security, just sit around.
It is far from always that the appearance of nightmares and fractional sleep is a reason for manipulation, as, unfortunately, it may seem to adults. Especially small children aged 3 to 5 years old can hardly cope with the emotions that overwhelm them - what really worries them in reality, the experience that the psyche is not yet able to digest, turns into a nightmare and is thrown out. Toddlers are often excited by watching cartoons, computer games and are very sensitive to the experiences of adults.
2. Ask the child about what or who scares him, find out the details. If the child is ready to talk about fears at the moment when he woke up, take time for him and find out what worries him: where exactly the monsters live, what they look like, why they are so scary. Avoid devaluation - for a child, monsters are real.
3. In the morning or afternoon, in a calm environment, return to the topic of fears.
Talk to the child, offer to draw or make a monster. Be there, showing attention and interest. You can say terrible moments out loud, make sure that the monster has moved to paper, you can see it during the day and not be afraid.
Invite the child to win, drive away the monster and destroy the drawing together - it can be torn, burned, thrown away.
4. Invite the child to act out his fear. Let the nightmare hero come to life in the game. The game is a special mental space, a world where fantasies come to life. In the game, as in other creative activities, the child unconsciously comes into contact with strong feelings, affects, instincts, taking them from the inner space to the outer, getting the opportunity to live emotional experience in the safe field of creativity.
5. Make up a story or story. It is important that the story contains those moments that frighten the child. You can personify fear. For example, it could be a Dragon that scares Masha, or a Monster that lives in Viti's boy's room.
Pay attention to the ending - invite the child to decide for himself how the monster or dragon will be defeated.
6. Analyze the child's routine: does he get enough rest during the day, is there room for walks and play? The workload with classes, circles and sections can lead to mental stress and deplete the emotional background of the child. Create a schedule where the child will have fixed breaks and nap time. If the mental load is increased, it may be worth reconsidering the number of sections - it can be difficult for preschoolers due to their age.
7. Introduce rituals. Some children are afraid to fall asleep in complete darkness. You can buy a special "anti-nightmare" night light and decide with your child that it will burn all night, scaring away monsters. You can select a separate toy with which the baby will sleep at night. Leave the child's room door ajar. Pay attention to the time the child goes to bed: sit together a little longer than usual; tell a story; discuss what you will do in the morning, where you will go, what you will play.
Before falling asleep, you can lie down next to the child, do a relaxing massage with aromatic oil, offer a warm drink.
8. Pay attention to your home environment. If the family is going through a difficult time and it is not possible to cope on their own, seek help from a child psychologist or psychotherapist. The specialist will help not only the child to cope with fear and anxiety, but also tell you, the parents, how to survive the "dark times" without losing contact with the baby.
Photo: Collection/iStock
Tips for parents: how to deal with children's fears and nightmares | Child health | Health
Our expert - psychologist Julia Konovalova .
Parents should not worry too much about childhood nightmares. This is common to all children at a certain age to a greater or lesser extent.
At the age of 4-5, one in three children show some minor sleep disturbances, whether it be shallow and interrupted sleep or nightmares.
But any traumatic event in a child's life - a sudden incident during sleep (loud noises, a fall), moving to a new place, a conflict with parents or teachers - immediately affects the quality of sleep.
An event may cause the child to wake up at night, have difficulty falling asleep, or have restless dreams. Which, of course, affects his well-being.
The body does not have time to recover overnight, and during the day the overall tone is at a low level. Activity, attentiveness decreases, it is difficult to concentrate and concentrate on activities. Small children begin to act up, and older ones become irritable. And at this time, parents can help their child more than anyone else.
What to do?
First, it is important for the child to see that the situation is under control. You are an adult, and you know what is happening, and therefore you are calm. If you are nervous and worried , dramatize the situation, and even worse - get annoyed with the child, then this will only reinforce the feeling of insecurity and danger, which leads to sleep disturbance.
Be calm and confident. Already this is enough to gradually restore the child's sleep.
Secondly, hug your child, pet him, say sweet words every time you have the opportunity to do this - during the day or before bed. We all first perceive the world only through tactile sensations, and the memory of them is very strong. When a child is in an unbalanced state, he seems to become even younger. And bodily contact returns to him the confidence of that period, when he was just a baby lying in his mother's arms.
Third, talk to your child. Children don't like to talk about their nightmares. Talk about everything that happens to him, and he himself will begin to tell you about what worries him, about his fears, experiences. This is how we humans are arranged - we always talk only about what worries us, even if we want to hide it. So, the boys say nasty things about the girl they like. But they always talk only about this girl, no matter what other topic comes up. So it is with everything else.
Whatever you talk about, the child will talk about what is bothering him at the moment. You just need to listen carefully. And this has several positive effects at once - the child will pronounce his fears, and they will decrease, and you will know what is causing restless sleep.
Fourth, trust your child. If he says that he is afraid of something, then it is so. Even if it seems to you that this fear cannot exist. Remember that for your child, he is the real one. Take what he says seriously. Then he will feel your support, and will not be left alone with his fear.
Often our fears seem like big dragons to us, and we don't go to the cave where they live because we're afraid. But, as a rule, when we approach the cave and want to see him, a small donkey comes out of the cave with big sad eyes.
Play Now
If you know what your child is afraid of, help him get to know the fear. If the child is of preschool age, then you can tell him stories or play games invented on the theme of fear.
They should have a character that looks like your child, and a terrible situation in which he finds himself. The result of the fairy tale game should be a way out of this situation.
If the child is afraid of the dark, take him by the hand and calmly walk around the room with him, looking into all corners. If the child is already a schoolboy, his leading activity is the knowledge of the world through information. And you can analyze situations together from a scientific point of view.
For example, after a meteorite fell on the territory of the Chelyabinsk region, some children who became unwitting witnesses of this incident experienced a feeling of fear for a long time. According to local psychologists, the children have become unnecessarily restless, it is difficult to fall asleep, they wake up at night from nightmares. How can parents help their child in such a situation?
One of the ways out of the situation is to speak in detail about the phenomenon itself, its causes and consequences.
