► specific;
► encourages collaboration;
► focuses on the amount of effort and pleasure;
► hardly evaluates;
► nurtures the child's interest in himself;
► emphasizes effort: "You tried - and you did it!";
► increases error tolerance;
► Develops stable self-esteem and independence.

Compare phrases for praise and for support. See the difference?

PRAISE

— You did great!
— You are always on time.
- I'm proud of you.
— You are a wonderful helper.
— What a beautiful picture you have!

SUPPORT

— You did it!
— You are trying to be on time.
- You can be proud of yourself.
— You wiped all the dust on the shelves.
- You have used all the pencils in the set.

Self-examination

If at some point you stop understanding whether you are praising or supporting, devaluing difficulties or helping a child cope with them, ask yourself three questions. At first, it will be difficult for the psyche to give up the usual words and reactions, so be as careful and honest with yourself as possible. So, three self-test questions:

► Is the child's point of view different from mine?
► Do I support his self-esteem or dependence on someone else's opinion with these words?
► Am I being respectful or condescending?

Depending on what you answer to yourself, your actions will change, and hence your relationship with the child. As a result, you can help him really overcome difficulties and enjoy any activity that inspires him.

► It is not enough for a child to understand the importance of a complex task in order to get carried away with it. In this he needs our help. nine0009

► Laziness is not a quality of character, but a sign of difficulties.

► It is important to understand what is difficult for the child (specialists can help) and simplify tasks for him.

► Empathy should be used to support the child.

► Use emotions to get him involved.

► Use support to build his self-esteem.

Prepared by Maria Krasheninnikova-Height

DID YOU LIKE THIS ARTICLE? nine0009

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How to help your child cope with difficulties | Consultation on the topic:

HOW TO HELP A CHILD COME WITH SCHOOL DIFFICULTIES

Studying at school is one of the most difficult and responsible moments in the life of children, both in socio-psychological and physiological terms. The whole life of the child changes; everything is subject to study, school, school affairs and concerns.

Features of education in a modern school are associated with an ever-increasing amount of information, a significant intensification of the passage of material, with constant modernization and complication of curricula. Such learning conditions make the highest demands on the body of a younger student, the school from the very first days sets a number of tasks for the student that are not directly related to his experience, requires maximum mobilization of intellectual and physical forces. And it is very important that children go through this difficult path without harming their health, without losing interest in learning, without losing faith in themselves, in their strength. nine0009

The programs according to the new educational standards have become very complicated, and many children can hardly cope with them. It is rare for a child to be so well prepared for school to learn with ease, and the parents of such a child have truly done a colossal job in developing a son or daughter.

Lately, not a single school year is complete without parents complaining about complex and incomprehensible elementary school programs, about the workload of children, the need to do homework with them, and other difficulties. nine0009

Many today are concerned about the question of how to create prerequisites for the optimal development of each child in the conditions of a general education school, in particular for those who experience certain difficulties in learning? This is all the more important because gaps in knowledge formed in the initial period of learning to read, write, and mathematics, as a rule, lead to serious problems at subsequent stages of learning.

The success of each student's education depends on his level of development. nine0009

All parents want their children to study well. But some parents believe that by sending their child to school, they can breathe a sigh of relief: now all the problems associated with education should be solved by the school. Of course, the school does not abandon its responsibilities, but this is not only the school's business, but also the parents'. It is the parents who can provide the help that the teacher cannot provide.

In recent years, we have noted a significant increase in the number of children with various learning difficulties in primary school. nine0009

School difficulties of hyperactive children.

Learning difficulties are most often observed in children who have certain types of impaired behavior. Among them, a significant group is represented by the so-called disinhibited, motor-restless, hyperactive children. Excessively excitable, sometimes aggressive, irritable, they can hardly endure stress, their efficiency quickly decreases. They are unable to organize their activities, unable to fix their attention on work, unable to establish normal relationships with peers. Such children react sharply to the refusal of something, do not control themselves, immediately forget good intentions and prefer to do only what they like, what gives them pleasure. nine0009

Behavioral disorder is usually combined in these children with a whole range of difficulties in writing, reading and mathematics. To help such a child is possible only with the joint work of the teacher and parents.

First, it is worth finding out if the child is really hyperactive, if possible, contact a specialist - a pediatrician, a neurologist, a psychologist.

Secondly, you need to learn how to communicate with your fidget.

Consider some recommendations:

• Do not allow (never, even in critical situations) rudeness, humiliation, anger.

Expressions such as “I hate you”, “You have exhausted me”, “I have no strength”, “I am tired of you”, repeated several times a day (not to mention more rude ones), are meaningless. The child simply ceases to hear them.

• Do not talk to the child in between, irritably, showing with all your appearance that the child is distracting you from more important matters than communication with him. Apologize if you can't distract yourself ("Sorry, baby, I'll finish now, and you and I will talk about everything"). nine0074

Thirdly, try to take into account the high distractibility and unstable performance of these children.

Advice for parents on helping hyperactive children with homework:

• The child's workplace should be quiet and peaceful, where the child can study without interference.
• Carefully plan your homework: "First do this, then ...".
• When a child performs graphic tasks (copying, writing off letters, numbers), make sure the correct fit, position of the pen and notebook. nine0074
• Talk to your child calmly, without irritation. Speech should be clear, unhurried, instruction (task) clear and unambiguous.
• Do not focus the child's attention on failure - he must be sure that all difficulties and problems can be overcome, and success is possible.

School difficulties of slow children.

Now let's talk about another category of children who also often have learning difficulties - these are slow children. Slow children are a particular risk group, since their school problems can only be associated with a slow pace of activity. Slowness is not a disease, not a developmental disorder, it is simply an individual feature of a person, a feature of nervous activity. nine0009

It has been proven that even a slight degree of procrastination greatly reduces a child's chances of success in school. And therefore, such children need help not when there is already poor progress and deviations in health, but from the first days at school. Slow children are approximately 10-20%. These are children who have a 1.5–2 times slower pace of speech, walking, all movements, a low speed of performing all complex actions, and above all writing and reading. However, the quality of performing all actions at your own pace can be very high. If we imagine that each individual action is performed almost 2 times slower, then it becomes clear why a slow child writes many times slower than others and why he reads so slowly. A slow pace cannot be judged in terms of good or bad. This is the nature of the child. nine0009

Is it possible to make a child work faster?

A slow child cannot be forced to write and read faster. With age (if the child is not brought to a neurosis), the speed of writing and reading will increase (as the activity itself improves). However, in children with low mobility of nervous processes, the speed of writing and reading will always be lower than in ordinary children. At the initial stage of training, you can not force the speed of work. Hurrying, urging such a child is not only useless (he will not work faster, the effect will be the opposite), but also harmful. The restriction of time for rest negatively affects the state of a slow child. This, in turn, reduces efficiency, increases fatigue, which immediately affects writing (handwriting worsens, errors appear - omissions, substitutions, underwriting, corrections), and reading - “a line is lost”, reading errors appear, an effect is possible "guessing" reading, there are problems of understanding the text, difficulties of retelling. A slow child has difficulty absorbing information at a very fast pace. For a slow child, all school loads are tiring. Therefore, after school, it is better for him to be at home, in a relaxed atmosphere. The extension is not for slow children. nine0009

When working with such children, the main key to success is to create an environment that would allow the child to work at a pace that is accessible to him, not to rush, soothe, support and do not forget to praise him, create all conditions for calm work and study pay attention to each successfully completed task.

Tips for parents to help slow children with homework:

• Plan your homework carefully: “First do this, then...”. nine0074
• Create a home environment that allows your child to complete homework at their own pace.
• Start with less difficult lessons, then move on to more difficult ones.
• During the preparation of homework, every 30 minutes of work, let the child rest for 10-15 minutes, it is advisable to spend a physical education minute with music (they restore working capacity, put off fatigue).
• Take your time, calm down, support your child and do not forget to praise him for each successfully completed task. nine0074

School difficulties for left-handed children.

Another group of children that causes great concern among parents is left-handed children. Today, in almost every class there are children working with their left hand. Left-handed children (as well as right-handed ones) are different in their psychological and physiological characteristics, in their abilities, interests and problems.

Preferential control of the hand does not depend on the desire or unwillingness of the child and not on his stubbornness, but develops in connection with a special organization of brain activity. nine0009

Of course, you can make a lot of effort and make a left-handed baby work with his right hand. But it is impossible to change its biological essence. And, nevertheless, until recently, left-handed children in the family and at school tried to retrain. One of the motives that guided parents and teachers is this: the whole household world is adapted to the right hand, and by retraining the baby, they will help him avoid many problems and inconveniences.

Arbitrary change of the dominant hand leads to gross interference in the finest mechanisms of brain activity. This is a powerful stress, fraught with the emergence of neurosis. nine0009

Boys and girls may have different manifestations of neurosis. Boys are characterized by disinhibition, restlessness, restlessness. And for girls, a lowered background of mood, lethargy, tearfulness are more characteristic. Quite often, left-handed children are worried about failures, censure from educators and parents. Added fear of the dark, the fear of being alone in the room (fear of loneliness) and even the fear of death. In some children, fears are short-term, and if there are no new stresses, they may disappear. nine0009

What is the cause of the problems of left-handed children and how important is left-handedness in the occurrence of these bleating? The first thing to look out for is the wrong (very stressful and inefficient) way of holding the pen. The result is a very stressful and very slow way of writing with jagged, irregular letters that look more like scribbles. Due to the constant tension and the inability to keep up with the pace of work in the classroom, other problems accumulate. Omissions, substitutions, underwriting quickly add to the difficulties of a purely technical skill of writing, and the situation is complicated by excitement, anxiety, fear of failure, the negative attitude of surrounding adults towards left-handedness - all that the child is not able to change himself. Naturally, this leads to a deterioration in mental health, which, in turn, causes a sharp decrease in working capacity, increased fatigue, and impaired concentration. And the result is a deterioration in handwriting, errors, omissions, underwriting, problems on the control (does not have time, plus worries, plus gets tired quickly). nine0009

So, left-handedness has nothing to do with it, exactly the same problems could arise in a right-handed child under the same conditions. The child feels defective and this also exacerbates the problems.

What to do? How to help a child?

Advice for parents of left-handed children.

• Never and under no circumstances should adults show a child a negative attitude towards left-handedness.
• It should be remembered that left-handedness is an individual variant of the norm, so the difficulties that arise in left-handed children are most often not associated with this phenomenon. Any other child can have the same problems. nine0074
• You should not even try to teach a left-handed child to work with his right hand, let alone insist on it. Retraining can lead to serious health problems.
• It is advisable to determine the leading hand at 4-4.5 years.
• A left-handed child needs special attention and approach, but not because he is left-handed, but because each child is unique and inimitable.

A child's success directly depends on understanding, love, patience and the ability to help in time on the part of loved ones. nine0009

Tips for parents to help left-handed children with homework.

• Teach your child to sit down for lessons on his own and help him only when he needs it.
• The best time for preparing lessons is 15-16 hours, every 15-20 minutes of work it is necessary to take a 10-15 minute break, which the child can use at his own discretion.
• To give the child the opportunity to choose what he will do first, you can advise or recommend, but in no case demand. nine0074
• Ensure that the child holds the pen correctly and that the right side of the table is well lit.
• Preparing homework should not be the cause of quarrels, mutual irritation, conflicts. It must be remembered that a left-handed child is very vulnerable, and requires a careful, attentive and kind attitude.

Unfortunately, in a situation where a child has learning difficulties in primary school, many parents take a completely unconstructive position - the child begins to shame, scold, put pressure on him in every possible way and punish him, implying that these measures will somehow help the child start learn better. nine0009

I would like you to understand the situation correctly and take all measures to help your child cope with school difficulties.

The results of the work of parents with children with learning difficulties, with systematic and targeted correction, can be very effective. The main conditions are the availability of time, patience and faith in success. Problems in learning are the concerns of parents. Parental help should not be limited to monitoring homework (which is most often the case). Parents should know how to organize classes, how to interact with the child. They must follow the basic rules:

• Peace, only peace!
• More positive - try to treat homework and school in general easier, with optimism, humor, play, and most importantly - with faith in your child. Cheer him up and notice the slightest success, be sure to praise every step forward, every effort. Without positive reinforcement, a child will never love learning!
• Forget everything you remember about your school days, stop comparing! How many years have passed? At least twenty? Everything has changed! nine0074
• Take it for granted: the new state education standards are designed in such a way that parents help their children in their studies, at least in primary school. Like it or not, without your help, the child will not master the program. Even if the most serious subjects are easily given to him - the Russian language and mathematics, you should definitely listen to how the child reads texts on literary reading, his retellings. Now the schools have a very difficult program for the course "The World Around". A child can complete many tasks in this subject only with the help of an adult! nine0074
• Never, under any circumstances, speak badly about the school, teachers, director, programs, textbooks, level of education, etc. in the presence of a child (even if it seems to you that he does not hear). Firstly, the child will have enough of his own negative emotions associated with the school. He doesn't need to add yours. Secondly, for successful schooling, a child needs to respect - school rules, teachers, directors, curricula. And how can you respect what your own mother criticizes? nine0074
• Never express your doubts about your child's learning ability! You will undermine the child's faith in his own strength, and if the child hears this often, self-esteem will fall, and there are not far from problems with academic performance.
• Whatever difficulties a child may encounter, it is your parental responsibility to help (not scold, shame or punish). The child did not have enough resources to master all the knowledge, skills and abilities necessary for successful learning, his mental processes are not sufficiently developed - attention, memory, thinking, but this is not his fault, but a misfortune. He wasn't prepared enough for school! nine0074
• Respect your child! Do not shout, do not call names, in any case do not use physical punishment. Are you pawning the future of your son or daughter - do you want it to be violent and rude?
• Maintain a normal daily routine. An elementary school student must sleep for at least 9 hours! Every day, the child needs to walk for at least an hour, and preferably two. Do not be lazy and do not replace a walk with visiting circles and sections. Health is the most important thing!
• Limit the time you watch TV and communicate with your computer and other electronic devices. 60 minutes a day is the maximum! The child will definitely find more useful activities for himself if you can limit the empty pastime at the computer and TV. Take this aspect under control now: the older the child, the less hope of turning the tide. nine0074
• Helping a child do homework does not mean doing it for him or prompting him. It means being there and being attentive to the child, seeing what he can do on his own and where he needs your help. With what you are helping him now, the child will surely begin to cope on his own after a while!
• When doing homework after 30-40 minutes it is necessary to take breaks of 5-10 minutes.

There are nomes for the duration of homework preparation:

Grade 1 - 1 hour

Grade 2 - 1.5 hours

Grade 3-4 - 2 hours

13. If your child missed classes for some reason, be sure to

ask about what was going on in the class and complete the tasks so that the child does not

fall behind his peers.

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