How to help a child with oppositional defiant disorder

Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) - Diagnosis and treatment

Diagnosis

To determine whether your child has oppositional defiant disorder, the mental health professional will likely do a comprehensive psychological evaluation. Because ODD often occurs along with other behavioral or mental health problems, symptoms of ODD may be difficult to distinguish from those related to other problems.

Your child's evaluation will likely include an assessment of:

• Overall health
• Frequency and intensity of behaviors
• Emotions and behavior across multiple settings and relationships
• Family situations and interactions
• Strategies that have been helpful — or not helpful — in managing problem behaviors
• Presence of other mental health, learning or communication disorders

Treatment

Treatment for oppositional defiant disorder primarily involves family-based interventions, but it may include other types of psychotherapy and training for your child — as well as for parents. Treatment often lasts several months or longer. It's important to treat any co-occurring problems, such as a learning disorder, because they can create or worsen ODD symptoms if left untreated.

Medications alone generally aren't used for ODD unless your child also has another mental health disorder. If your child has coexisting disorders, such as ADHD, anxiety or depression, medications may help improve these symptoms.

The cornerstones of treatment for ODD usually include:

• Parent training. A mental health professional with experience treating ODD may help you develop parenting skills that are more consistent, positive and less frustrating for you and your child. In some cases, your child may participate in this training with you, so everyone in your family develops shared goals for how to handle problems. Involving other authority figures, such as teachers, in the training may be an important part of treatment.
• Parent-child interaction therapy (PCIT). During PCIT, a therapist coaches parents while they interact with their child. In one approach, the therapist sits behind a one-way mirror and, using an "ear bug" audio device, guides parents through strategies that reinforce their child's positive behavior. As a result, parents learn more-effective parenting techniques, the quality of the parent-child relationship improves, and problem behaviors decrease.
• Individual and family therapy. Individual therapy for your child may help him or her learn to manage anger and express feelings in a healthier way. Family therapy may help improve your communication and relationships and help members of your family learn how to work together.
• Cognitive problem-solving training. This type of therapy is aimed at helping your child identify and change thought patterns that lead to behavior problems. Collaborative problem-solving — in which you and your child work together to come up with solutions that work for both of you — can help improve ODD-related problems.
• Social skills training. Your child may also benefit from therapy that will help him or her be more flexible and learn how to interact more positively and effectively with peers.

As part of parent training, you may learn how to manage your child's behavior by:

• Giving clear instructions and following through with appropriate consequences when needed
• Recognizing and praising your child's good behaviors and positive characteristics to promote desired behaviors

Although some parenting techniques may seem like common sense, learning to use them consistently in the face of opposition isn't easy, especially if there are other stressors at home. Learning these skills will require routine practice and patience.

Most important in treatment is for you to show consistent, unconditional love and acceptance of your child — even during difficult and disruptive situations. Don't be too hard on yourself. This process can be tough for even the most patient parents.

More Information

• Family therapy

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Lifestyle and home remedies

At home, you can begin chipping away at problem behaviors of oppositional defiant disorder by practicing these strategies:

• Recognize and praise your child's positive behaviors. Be as specific as possible, such as, "I really liked the way you helped pick up your toys tonight." Providing rewards for positive behavior also may help, especially with younger children.
• Model the behavior you want your child to have. Demonstrating appropriate interactions and modeling socially appropriate behavior can help your child improve social skills.
• Pick your battles and avoid power struggles. Almost everything can turn into a power struggle, if you let it.
• Set limits by giving clear and effective instructions and enforcing consistent reasonable consequences. Discuss setting these limits during times when you're not confronting each other.
• Set up a routine by developing a consistent daily schedule for your child. Asking your child to help develop that routine may be beneficial.
• Build in time together by developing a consistent weekly schedule that involves you and your child spending time together.
• Work together with your partner or others in your household to ensure consistent and appropriate discipline procedures. Also enlist support from teachers, coaches and other adults who spend time with your child.
• Assign a household chore that's essential and that won't get done unless the child does it. Initially, it's important to set your child up for success with tasks that are relatively easy to achieve and gradually blend in more important and challenging expectations. Give clear, easy-to-follow instructions.
• Be prepared for challenges early on. At first, your child probably won't be cooperative or appreciate your changed response to his or her behavior. Expect behavior to temporarily worsen in the face of new expectations. Remaining consistent in the face of increasingly challenging behavior is the key to success at this early stage.

With perseverance and consistency, the initial hard work often pays off with improved behavior and relationships.

Coping and support

It's challenging to be the parent of a child with oppositional defiant disorder. Ask questions and try to effectively communicate your concerns and needs to the treatment team. Consider getting counseling for yourself and your family to learn coping strategies to help manage your own distress. Also seek and build supportive relationships and learn stress management methods to help get through difficult times.

These coping and support strategies can lead to better outcomes for your child because you'll be more prepared to deal with problem behaviors.

Preparing for your appointment

You may start by seeing your child's doctor. After an initial evaluation, he or she may refer you to a mental health professional who can help make a diagnosis and create the appropriate treatment plan for your child.

When possible, both parents should be present with the child. Or, take a trusted family member or friend along. Someone who accompanies you may remember something that you missed or forgot.

What you can do

Before your appointment, make a list of:

• Signs and symptoms your child has been experiencing, and for how long.
• Your family's key personal information, including factors that you suspect may have contributed to changes in your child's behavior. Include any stressors and transitions that your child or close family members recently experienced, such as parental separation or divorce and differences in expectations and parenting styles.
• Your child's school performance, including grades and patterns of academic strengths and weaknesses. Include any learning disorder assessments and any special education services.
• Your child's key medical information, including other physical or mental health disorders with which your child has been diagnosed.
• Any medication, vitamins, herbal products and other supplements your child is taking, including the dosages.
• Questions to ask the doctor so that you can make the most of your appointment.

Questions to ask the doctor at your child's initial appointment include:

• What do you believe is causing my child's symptoms?
• Are there any other possible causes?
• How will you determine the diagnosis?
• Should my child see a mental health professional?

Questions to ask if your child is referred to a mental health professional include:

• Does my child have oppositional defiant disorder or another mental health disorder?
• Is this condition likely temporary or long lasting?
• What factors do you think might be contributing to my child's problem?
• What treatment approach do you recommend?
• Does my child need to be screened for any other mental health disorders?
• Is my child at increased risk of any long-term complications from this condition?
• Do you recommend any changes at home or school to improve my child's behavior?
• Should I tell my child's teachers about this diagnosis?
• What else can my family and I do to help my child?
• Do you recommend family therapy?

Don't hesitate to ask additional questions during your appointment.

What to expect from your doctor

Be ready to answer your doctor's questions. That way you'll have more time to go over any points you want to talk about in-depth. Here are examples of questions that your doctor may ask.

• What are your concerns about your child's behavior?
• When did you first notice these problems?
• Have your child's teachers or other caregivers reported similar behaviors in your child?
• How often over the last six months has your child had an angry and irritable mood, shown argumentative and defiant behavior, or been vindictive?
• In what settings does your child demonstrate these behaviors?
• Do any particular situations seem to trigger negative or defiant behavior in your child?
• How have you been handling your child's disruptive behavior?
• How do you typically discipline your child?
• How would you describe your child's home and family life?
• What stressors has the family been dealing with?
• Has your child been diagnosed with any other medical or mental health conditions?

By Mayo Clinic Staff

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How to Discipline a Child with Oppositional Defiant Disorder: ODD Help

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Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) in Children

Every parent of a child with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD or ADD) knows what it’s like to troubleshoot behavior problems — your child saying no to requests or blurting out disrespectful retorts.

Children with ADHD and oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) take defiant behavior to the extreme. They have a pattern of angry, violent, and disruptive behaviors toward parents, caretakers, and other authority figures. These children require smart, specific oppositional defiant disorder strategies — and more than their fair share of patience.

“Choose your battles carefully, and find humor in every situation.” -Robin, Colorado

2 of 12

ODD and ADHD: Stats and Facts

Forty percent of children with ADHD also develop ODD. Before puberty, ODD is more common in boys; after puberty, it is equally common in both genders. About half of all preschoolers diagnosed with ODD outgrow the problem by age eight. Older kids with ODD are less likely to outgrow it. Oppositional defiant disorder may persist into adulthood.

"It is imperative to believe in yourself and to see your child as an asset to the world. ” -Ruth Ann, Ohio

3 of 12

ODD and ADHD: The Links

A child’s oppositional behaviors aren’t intentional. Experts think that ODD is linked to intense impulsivity. Not being able to control impulses, combined with the stress and frustration of trying to get on top of ADHD symptoms every day, lead some children to lash out, physically and verbally.

[Symptom Test: Oppositional Defiant Disorder in Children]

4 of 12

How to Diagnose a Child with Oppositional Defiant Disorder

Every child will act out and test his boundaries. It may be hard to know whether a child is normally defiant or has ODD. Consult a therapist trained in childhood behavioral problems. He should also screen for anxiety and mood disorders — each of which may cause oppositional behavior. Left untreated, ODD can evolve into conduct disorder, a more serious behavioral problem.

“Disengage when he is out of control, wait for the 'crazy' to stop, and re-approach.” -Cheryl, New Jersey

5 of 12

How to Treat a Child with Oppositional Defiant Disorder

Treatment strategies for co-existing ODD and ADHD start with controlling ADHD symptoms. When a child’s hyperactivity, impulsiveness, and inattention are reduced, there is usually an improvement in ODD symptoms. Stimulant medications have been shown to decrease ADHD symptoms, as well as those of ODD, by up to 50 percent.

6 of 12

How to Discipline a Child with Oppositional Defiant Disorder

If a child with ODD doesn’t respond well to stimulants, some doctors prescribe the non-stimulant atomoxetine (brand name: Strattera). In one study, researchers found that the medication significantly reduced ODD and ADHD symptoms. However, higher doses of the medication were needed to control symptoms.

[Free Download: Why Is My Child So Defiant?]

7 of 12

Change a Child’s Behavior — by Changing Yours

The treatment of choice for ODD is parent management training. Parents are taught to change their reactions to a child’s behavior — good and bad. Training involves using carrots and sticks — giving well-defined rewards and praise when your child cooperates, and consequences for misbehavior. Therapists will also work with a parent and child together to solve specific challenges.

“I am strong-willed as well, so it has been a battle of the wills. But instead of trying to change my daughter, I changed myself. It wasn’t easy, but when she became defiant, I said to myself, “I will not buy a ticket to this show. ” I ignored her, no matter how she tried to pull me in. She stopped almost immediately.” -Ramona, Florida

8 of 12

ODD Discipline in Three Steps

ODD experts find the following strategy effective for parents: Ask your child with ODD calmly to do something. If he doesn’t respond to you in two minutes, gently tell him, “I’m asking you a second time. Do you know what I’m asking you to do — and the consequences if you don’t? Please make a smart decision.”

If you have to ask a third time, he suffers the pre-arranged consequence — no TV or video games for an hour. Whatever it is, the consequence should fit the misbehavior for it to matter to your child.

“Including my teenage son in the conversation and allowing him to help formulate a plan gives him ownership of his behavior.” -Stephanie, New York

9 of 12

Get Everyone on the Same Page

For behavior therapy to work, all of the caring adults in the child's life should use the same discipline strategies that you do. Grandparents, teachers, nannies, and other adults who spend time alone with your child with oppositional defiant disorder must understand which carrots and sticks you use and, above all, use them consistently. If one of them gives into your child’s bad behavior, it can undermine your discipline program.

“Both parents need to support each other and be on the same page.” -An ADDitude Reader

10 of 12

Do Not Take ODD Personally

It is difficult for a parent to remain calm when a child with ODD is verbally abusing her, but don’t overreact. Yelling or spanking may worsen a child’s oppositional behaviors. Stay calm and emotionally neutral amid your child’s defiance.

Oppositional kids have radar for adult hostility. If they pick up your anger, they’re going to match it. Figure out your coping strategy ahead of time so that you can remain calm when triggered by your child's behaviors.

11 of 12

Practice Positive Parenting

Helping parents learn to praise good behavior is one of the toughest challenges therapists face. Many parents are so focused on bad behavior that they stop reinforcing positive ones. A few tips for dealing with ODD in children:

• Specify the praiseworthy behavior
• Be enthusiastic while not overdoing it
• Finish up with a non-verbal gesture — a kiss on the cheek or a hug

12 of 12

Be Creative and Be Consistent

The more creatively you tailor your program of rewards and punishments to your child’s specific abilities and needs, the better. Her needs change as she grows. Creativity is important, but consistency is vital to success. Consistency in the way you treat your child — setting rules, conveying expectations — is the key to parenting a child with ODD.

[Read This Now: Facts About Oppositional Defiant Disorder and ADHD]

Oppositional defiant disorder

Alexander Borisychev, a psychiatrist and neurologist at the DocDeti clinic, wrote an article on the topic of oppositional defiant disorder.

Almost all parents face difficult behavior in a child. This also applies to situational stories when the baby is hungry or did not sleep well, and entire periods when it is difficult to agree with the child (often this happens at 2-3 years old).

But separately it is worth noting the states when the habitual way of the whole family is significantly and for a long time violated. Usually, parents describe that it is impossible to agree on anything with a child almost always. Family life turns into a constant dispute between parents and the child. Homework, cleaning the room, helping parents is an impossible mission, or after this was achieved, the parents remember with shame by what means they achieved this. nine0003

One possible reason for this behavior is oppositional defiant disorder.

Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) is a persistent pattern of deliberately defiant, naughty, provocative, or aggressive behavior that occurs more frequently than children of a similar age and developmental level and is present not only when interacting with siblings.

The former is characterized by a persistent angry/irritable mood with occasional violent outbursts of anger. nine0003

For the second - stubborn, wayward and defiant behavior.

The causes of this condition are not completely known, but it is assumed that it depends on genetics and temperament:

- impulsivity

- Irritability

- Low tolerance for frustration

- The presence of traits of insensitivity and callousness.

It should be understood that childhood abuse can also affect this disorder. nine0003

OVR is quite common:

- from 2 to 11% in the population

- There is evidence that up to 16%

- In certain groups up to 40% (in adolescents with bipolar disorder).

It is noted that boys experience this disorder more often, but in adolescents and young adults it becomes less noticeable.

The most pronounced period of OVR falls on the age of 5 to 10 years, then the symptoms, as a rule, smooth out. nine0003

It is worth suspecting OVR if the child has at least 4 symptoms most of the days for six months:

1. Loss of self-control

2. Resentment and anger

3. Irritability

4. Argue with adults

5. Actively resists or refuses to comply with the rules and requests set by adults.

6. Purposefully annoying others nine0003

7. Blames others for your mistakes.

8. Can be vicious and vengeful.

Therapy for this condition is based on behavioral approaches.

The most important question that adults should ask themselves is: “Why does this behavior need a particular child?”

By answering it, you can get to accompanying states, working with which can significantly reduce complex behavior.

For example, children may refuse to cooperate in something for various reasons:

- Due to impulsivity and distraction (ADHD)

- Because of the fear of facing something frightening (OCD, anxiety disorder)

- The child lacks strength and desire due to depression

- The child has to deal with changing environmental conditions and increased sensory overload (autism spectrum). nine0003

In behavioral approaches, it is customary to focus on encouraging the desired behavior - then it is fixed.

The prospects in this case will depend on how pronounced the disorder is, on the involvement of loved ones in the affairs of the child and the correction of accompanying mental disorders.

If you feel that it is not easy for you with your baby, then this is an occasion to seek the advice of a specialist.

how to raise a child with oppositional defiant disorder - such things

Maria easily and simply talks about her very difficult son. It is much harder for her to talk about how she felt, especially in the most difficult times. “At some point, the worst thing happens - you begin to understand that you hate your child”

— Yes, all children can irritate their parents at times. But even in a calm state, I caught myself on this thought: I hate him, I don’t want tomorrow to come and everything starts anew.

A few years ago, Maria's eight-year-old son was diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD). nine0003

- Endless protests, breakdowns, tantrums, fights, invective language - Maria calmly and quickly lists what happened to her son almost every day. Little Vanya could curse everyone around him on the street or in the clinic. "Mom, I'm not going anywhere with you because you're a bitch."

From the outside, it may seem to people that the parents neglected their child, but in fact this is not so. Features of the nervous system of children with ODD force them to go to a constant rebellion.

- Fundamental thing. My son does this not because he is bad and wants everyone around to swear, fight, and the family gradually turns into marginals. No one knows why, but he has such a need to protest.

Do not give up

Vanya started protesting from the very morning - against getting out of bed, brushing his teeth, he did not want to get dressed, have breakfast, go anywhere. This regularly led to delays, and even more often to the disruption of plans. The family had to stay at home and cancel everything. nine0003

— Even going to the toilet was a special operation for us. No negotiations and motivation worked. The main idea is not to give up. This is a manic opposition and a desire to do what he wants at all costs and to assert himself in this way. We went crazy because we could not agree with him. Can't figure out what he wants. This is not a bargaining for privileges - he does not get some meaningful thing in the end. This is protest for the sake of protest. War for the sake of war.

When Maria took Vanya away from school, he again began to protest - he could refuse to go with her. Or even worse - break loose in the middle of the road and run away. The boy regularly ran away from his grandparents and nanny. At the same time, the child could run across several roads alone, hide in the entrance and drop calls from their parents. nine0003

- And this is the worst thing: he runs away, I pull his hand, he starts to fight, yell, send me three letters, and all this happens in public and looks terrible. And he could really fight. Going to the doctor was the worst. Examination, tests or dental treatment quickly turned into a scuffle.

Vindictiveness and disobedience

Oppositional defiant disorder is rarely spoken about in Russia, but the prevalence of this diagnosis in children and adolescents is high - from 2 to 15%. nine0003

A child with ODD easily and repeatedly loses his temper, despises adults and argues with them, fundamentally refuses to obey any rules, deliberately annoys others. The main symptoms of the disorder include anger, irritability, vindictiveness and disobedience, lists the children's psychiatrist Elisey Osin.

Maria also turned to this specialist for help. According to her, in Russia, for parents of children with oppositional defiant disorder, everything is focused on him, there are practically no other good doctors in this area. nine0003

— I literally tortured poor Osin with endless questions: “Well, why? What does my son want from me?

Valeria also signed up for a consultation with Osin. Her son Konstantin is 12 years old, he does not have a confirmed diagnosis, but Valeria and her husband suspect that the boy has OVR: the child protests against any proposals, seeks to dominate, fundamentally disobeys adults.

It was only in March of this year that they first learned about this diagnosis from other parents. The family made an appointment with Aspen, but they were put on a waiting list for four months. Tentatively, the consultation will take place only in July, the doctor's workload is too high. nine0003

- Lack of information is the main problem. We know how to cure a leg, an arm, but not the psyche, says Valeria. - I want as many people as possible to know that there is such a diagnosis, as well as methods of therapy. Yes, in Moscow, yes, it is expensive. But children and their parents can be helped.

Everything is getting out of control

Osin is sure that ODD, like other conduct disorders, is of great social importance, because the diagnosis can affect the child's future. Some children and adolescents with these characteristics may develop behavioral problems in adulthood: drug use, breaking the law. OVR can also be a harbinger of depression. nine0003

— In this area, child psychiatry concerns us all. Some tangible number of people who are in prisons are those who in childhood had one or another diagnosis of conduct disorder from attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) to ODD, says the psychiatrist.

Many children with ODD experience problems with peer relationships. As a result, they may begin to group with other children with special needs or remain completely alone. nine0003

My son has no friends. Few people can withstand such a character, says Valeria. He seeks to dominate. Therefore, he only has online friends with whom they only exchange jokes, but he has no real human intimacy with anyone.

It was also difficult for Maria's son Vanya to communicate with other children - everyone had to play exclusively by his rules. Next to the boy, even adults lost control and tried to educate him with "grandfather's methods."

- We got to the point because he started to strain other people. To the point that someone could catch him, start shaking him and shouting: “What are you doing?” I realized that it was all completely out of control. nine0003

Life is subject to the rhythms of the child's mood

Oppositional defiant disorder affects the quality of life not only of the child, but also of his relatives. Maria's family was no longer invited to visit, no one wanted to spend time with them. Other children were afraid of Vanya, and their parents tried to avoid the boy's bad influence.

“No one wanted their child to know the word “bitch” before they got to know the work of [rapper] Morgenstern,” says Maria. - As a result, our whole life was subordinated to the rhythms of the child’s mood - I wonder if he won’t be wedged today? nine0003

Elena Feda's son is five years old, he is also suspected to have ODD — due to his young age, the diagnosis is still in doubt. The family turned to specialists for help because at the age of three the boy could not go to kindergarten - he began to attack children. Elena could not get out of the decree and was forced to quit her job.

- It would be understandable if they didn't share the toys. But I came to pick him up from kindergarten, we get dressed, and for no reason he breaks down, runs up to the boy and hits the child with his fist on the head with all his might, although he didn’t even look in his direction. Hitting and laughing - provokes. nine0003

After the birth of the child, Elena experienced postpartum depression, the dismissal worsened her condition, the woman repeatedly had suicidal thoughts. She was not fully aware of what she was feeling, and turned to a psychiatrist only in August last year. Before that, it seemed to Elena that it was impossible to feel differently with such a child. She was prescribed antidepressants.

— It's very difficult for me to talk about this now — Elena needs a pause to continue her story. “I have always been in despair. This is not what I expected from parenthood. Such a constant disagreement with everything in the world ... We could not brush our teeth for weeks. Neither cartoons, nor songs, nor talking brushes helped, I even played a theater of brushes for him. nine0003

“It's like you're constantly in a war that will never end,” Elena says of life with a child with ODD.

Hands covered in black circles

Oppositional defiant disorder often occurs in association with a range of other disorders. Maria's son has been diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome, and Elena's son is suspected of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder - as in the case of ODD, the boy has not been diagnosed due to his young age. Therefore, it is important to identify comorbid disorders in OVR and treat them. nine0003

Children with ODD may receive individual psychotherapy or medication. Medication has not been proven effective for ODD, but if the disorder is associated with ADHD, this measure may help. Elena and her husband decided to correct their son's behavioral characteristics with the help of drug therapy.

— Fedya was very active from birth, he was already walking at nine months. At the same age, he began to show aggression - all my hands were covered with black circles, - says Elena. - He bit with all his might, dug his teeth into the skin, the whole family walked in bruises for two years. At two years old, he would not let me change a dirty diaper - he screamed, ran away, beat me. nine0003

The reaction of the two-year-old child was so violent that Elena could not change his diaper and change the boy's clothes for four hours. When Elena and Fedya started taking drug therapy, the family felt better. The child was able to go to the garden, and the mother was able to go to work.

— We are often told that we are worthless parents and do not know how to educate. But other parents do not need to have special skills to raise their children, so it is difficult for them to understand our experience - it's like a student assessing a graduate student, says Maria. - In order to raise such children, completely different skills are needed, [which require] self-education, classes with specialists and trainings. nine0003

Praise the exuberant 150 thousand times

Trainings are considered the most important method of therapy for oppositional defiant disorder. This is a course for parents and children based on the principles of social learning theory.

“I'm talking about it so cheerfully now, but it was very tough,” says Maria. She laughs and jokes throughout the interview.

Vanya's behavior changed only after the family underwent such training last year. In the classroom, a clear methodology was introduced: parents need to write down the unwanted and desirable behavior of the child on the sheets. nine0003

- For some, these rules will seem ridiculous. One of them is to brush your teeth without leaving the bathroom. The son loved to walk around and spray his paste all over the apartment. For us it was a real problem, it came to a massacre. Now he follows this rule on the machine.

The family also wrote out a list of swear words that should not be used and introduced a points system. On an A4 sheet, they printed out how many points a child can get for what things: three - for brushing their teeth well, or ten - for not being rude to their grandmother. Then they can be exchanged for sweets or a trip to McDonald's. The family started a separate chat in the messenger, in which the balance of points is updated daily. nine0003

— At these trainings, we found an “anti-tank” tool in our relationship with our son — praise, — says Maria. “Now we praise him according to certain standards, for such violent children this is a very effective tool. From the outside, we look like parents who have completely moved out, we praise an eight-year-old child 150 thousand times. “What a fine fellow you are that you got dressed so quickly”, “It’s good that you washed your hands.” Maybe he would like to jump on us now with a knife and start swinging rights, but he is disarmed by the fact that he is so good. nine0003

At first, Vanya couldn't understand what was going on. The child is used to the fact that everyone is waiting: as soon as he comes, "the battle will begin." It was also difficult for him to follow the rules at first, he shouted, fought, threw chairs.

- Moreover, he understood that he had achieved nothing and only made things worse for himself - everyone was red, covered in sweat, but he yelled: "You are not the main ones, I will never give up, you will never defeat me." But in the end, this training helped us. Prior to that, of course, we did not see a gap at all and almost gave up. It is important not to give up and go through the course to the end. nine0003

After the training, guests were able to visit the family, and the boy began to communicate well and play with other children. Vanya finally became proud not of the fact that he sent someone to hell, but of the fact that he helped someone.

He's not a villain, he's cool

Elena and Fedya have a secret way to say "I love you". Shake hands three times. The boy every morning comes to his parents in bed and squeezes his mother's hand. Squeezing, squeezing.

- It is important for him to say that he loves me. For me, the most offensive thing is that many people think that our child is bad, but this is not so. He's not a villain, he's cool. Caring, kind, smart, - Elena finally begins to smile. She happily tells what letters the boy writes to them with her husband from kindergarten. nine0003

The child sends instructions to dad about what they will build together. She shares her experiences with her mother in letters.

— Mom, today I picked up Danila in the kindergarten so that he could look at the Christmas decorations.

Fedya has seven dinosaurs. They sleep, eat, walk, swim and go to the kindergarten together. Each of the dinosaurs should know what the boy's new gift is and rejoice with him.

— It is necessary to separate the child and his disorder. It's not like he's yelling and punching. This is his disorder. And he needs help - to see his best qualities in him and teach the child to live with his features. nine0003

***

The families we are talking about in this text are “exemplary”. Together with their husbands, women are looking for different approaches to their children, Elena even received a psychological education after the birth of Fedya. All of them were planning a pregnancy and expecting their sons, and all of them have ODD boys as their only children. Valeria admits with a sigh that perhaps it was because of this that they did not dare to have another child.

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