How to help a child with an alcoholic parent

SAMHSA’s National Helpline | SAMHSA

Your browser is not supported

Switch to Chrome, Edge, Firefox or Safari

Main page content

SAMHSA’s National Helpline is a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service (in English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders.
Also visit the online treatment locator.

SAMHSA’s National Helpline, 1-800-662-HELP (4357) (also known as the Treatment Referral Routing Service), or TTY: 1-800-487-4889 is a confidential, free, 24-hour-a-day, 365-day-a-year, information service, in English and Spanish, for individuals and family members facing mental and/or substance use disorders. This service provides referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups, and community-based organizations.

Also visit the online treatment locator, or send your zip code via text message: 435748 (HELP4U) to find help near you. Read more about the HELP4U text messaging service.

The service is open 24/7, 365 days a year.

English and Spanish are available if you select the option to speak with a national representative. Currently, the 435748 (HELP4U) text messaging service is only available in English.

In 2020, the Helpline received 833,598 calls. This is a 27 percent increase from 2019, when the Helpline received a total of 656,953 calls for the year.

The referral service is free of charge. If you have no insurance or are underinsured, we will refer you to your state office, which is responsible for state-funded treatment programs. In addition, we can often refer you to facilities that charge on a sliding fee scale or accept Medicare or Medicaid. If you have health insurance, you are encouraged to contact your insurer for a list of participating health care providers and facilities.

The service is confidential. We will not ask you for any personal information. We may ask for your zip code or other pertinent geographic information in order to track calls being routed to other offices or to accurately identify the local resources appropriate to your needs.

No, we do not provide counseling. Trained information specialists answer calls, transfer callers to state services or other appropriate intake centers in their states, and connect them with local assistance and support.

Suggested Resources
What Is Substance Abuse Treatment? A Booklet for Families
Created for family members of people with alcohol abuse or drug abuse problems. Answers questions about substance abuse, its symptoms, different types of treatment, and recovery. Addresses concerns of children of parents with substance use/abuse problems.
It's Not Your Fault (NACoA) (PDF | 12 KB)
Assures teens with parents who abuse alcohol or drugs that, "It's not your fault!" and that they are not alone. Encourages teens to seek emotional support from other adults, school counselors, and youth support groups such as Alateen, and provides a resource list.
After an Attempt: A Guide for Taking Care of Your Family Member After Treatment in the Emergency Department
Aids family members in coping with the aftermath of a relative's suicide attempt. Describes the emergency department treatment process, lists questions to ask about follow-up treatment, and describes how to reduce risk and ensure safety at home.
Family Therapy Can Help: For People in Recovery From Mental Illness or Addiction
Explores the role of family therapy in recovery from mental illness or substance abuse. Explains how family therapy sessions are run and who conducts them, describes a typical session, and provides information on its effectiveness in recovery.
For additional resources, please visit the SAMHSA Store.

Last Updated: 08/30/2022

Alcohol, Tobacco, and Other Drugs

Your browser is not supported

Switch to Chrome, Edge, Firefox or Safari

Misusing alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs can have both immediate and long-term health effects.

The misuse and abuse of alcohol, tobacco, illicit drugs, and prescription medications affect the health and well-being of millions of Americans. NSDUH estimates allow researchers, clinicians, policymakers, and the general public to better understand and improve the nation’s behavioral health. These reports and detailed tables present estimates from the 2021 National Survey on Drug Use and Health (NSDUH).

Alcohol

Data:

Among the 133.1 million current alcohol users aged 12 or older in 2021, 60.0 million people (or 45.1%) were past month binge drinkers. The percentage of people who were past month binge drinkers was highest among young adults aged 18 to 25 (29.2% or 9.8 million people), followed by adults aged 26 or older (22.4% or 49.3 million people), then by adolescents aged 12 to 17 (3.8% or 995,000 people). (2021 NSDUH)
Among people aged 12 to 20 in 2021, 15.1% (or 5.9 million people) were past month alcohol users. Estimates of binge alcohol use and heavy alcohol use in the past month among underage people were 8.3% (or 3.2 million people) and 1.6% (or 613,000 people), respectively. (2021 NSDUH)
In 2020, 50.0% of people aged 12 or older (or 138.5 million people) used alcohol in the past month (i.e., current alcohol users) (2020 NSDUH)
Among the 138.5 million people who were current alcohol users, 61.6 million people (or 44.4%) were classified as binge drinkers and 17.7 million people (28.8% of current binge drinkers and 12.8% of current alcohol users) were classified as heavy drinkers (2020 NSDUH)
The percentage of people who were past month binge alcohol users was highest among young adults aged 18 to 25 (31. 4%) compared with 22.9% of adults aged 26 or older and 4.1% of adolescents aged 12 to 17 (2020 NSDUH)
Excessive alcohol use can increase a person’s risk of stroke, liver cirrhosis, alcoholic hepatitis, cancer, and other serious health conditions
Excessive alcohol use can also lead to risk-taking behavior, including driving while impaired. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that 29 people in the United States die in motor vehicle crashes that involve an alcohol-impaired driver daily

Programs/Initiatives:

STOP Underage Drinking interagency portal - Interagency Coordinating Committee on the Prevention of Underage Drinking
Interagency Coordinating Committee on the Prevention of Underage Drinking
Talk. They Hear You.
Underage Drinking: Myths vs. Facts
Talking with your College-Bound Young Adult About Alcohol

Relevant links:

National Association of State Alcohol and Drug Abuse Directors
Department of Transportation Office of Drug & Alcohol Policy & Compliance
Alcohol Policy Information Systems Database (APIS)
National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism

Tobacco

Data:

In 2020, 20. 7% of people aged 12 or older (or 57.3 million people) used nicotine products (i.e., used tobacco products or vaped nicotine) in the past month (2020 NSDUH)
Among past month users of nicotine products, nearly two thirds of adolescents aged 12 to 17 (63.1%) vaped nicotine but did not use tobacco products. In contrast, 88.9% of past month nicotine product users aged 26 or older used only tobacco products (2020 NSDUH)
Tobacco use is the leading cause of preventable death, often leading to lung cancer, respiratory disorders, heart disease, stroke, and other serious illnesses. The CDC reports that cigarette smoking causes more than 480,000 deaths each year in the United States
The CDC’s Office on Smoking and Health reports that more than 16 million Americans are living with a disease caused by smoking cigarettes

Electronic cigarette (e-cigarette) use data:

In 2021, 13.2 million people aged 12 or older (or 4.7%) used an e-cigarette or other vaping device to vape nicotine in the past month. The percentage of people who vaped nicotine was highest among young adults aged 18 to 25 (14.1% or 4.7 million people), followed by adolescents aged 12 to 17 (5.2% or 1.4 million people), then by adults aged 26 or older (3.2% or 7.1 million people).
Among people aged 12 to 20 in 2021, 11.0% (or 4.3 million people) used tobacco products or used an e-cigarette or other vaping device to vape nicotine in the past month. Among people in this age group, 8.1% (or 3.1 million people) vaped nicotine, 5.4% (or 2.1 million people) used tobacco products, and 3.4% (or 1.3 million people) smoked cigarettes in the past month. (2021 NSDUH)
Data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s 2020 National Youth Tobacco Survey. Among both middle and high school students, current use of e-cigarettes declined from 2019 to 2020, reversing previous trends and returning current e-cigarette use to levels similar to those observed in 2018
E-cigarettes are not safe for youth, young adults, or pregnant women, especially because they contain nicotine and other chemicals

Resources:

Tips for Teens: Tobacco
Tips for Teens: E-cigarettes
Implementing Tobacco Cessation Programs in Substance Use Disorder Treatment Settings
Synar Amendment Program

Links:

Truth Initiative
FDA Center for Tobacco Products
CDC Office on Smoking and Health
National Institute on Drug Abuse: Tobacco, Nicotine, and E-Cigarettes
National Institute on Drug Abuse: E-Cigarettes

Opioids

Data:

Among people aged 12 or older in 2021, 3. 3% (or 9.2 million people) misused opioids (heroin or prescription pain relievers) in the past year. Among the 9.2 million people who misused opioids in the past year, 8.7 million people misused prescription pain relievers compared with 1.1 million people who used heroin. These numbers include 574,000 people who both misused prescription pain relievers and used heroin in the past year. (2021 NSDUH)
Among people aged 12 or older in 2020, 3.4% (or 9.5 million people) misused opioids in the past year. Among the 9.5 million people who misused opioids in the past year, 9.3 million people misused prescription pain relievers and 902,000 people used heroin (2020 NSDUH)
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s Understanding the Epidemic, an average of 128 Americans die every day from an opioid overdose

Resources:

Medication-Assisted Treatment
Opioid Overdose Prevention Toolkit
TIP 63: Medications for Opioid Use Disorder
Use of Medication-Assisted Treatment for Opioid Use Disorder in Criminal Justice Settings
Opioid Use Disorder and Pregnancy
Clinical Guidance for Treating Pregnant and Parenting Women With Opioid Use Disorder and Their Infants
The Facts about Buprenorphine for Treatment of Opioid Addiction
Pregnancy Planning for Women Being Treated for Opioid Use Disorder
Tips for Teens: Opioids
Rural Opioid Technical Assistance Grants
Tribal Opioid Response Grants
Provider’s Clinical Support System - Medication Assisted Treatment Grant Program

Links:

National Institute on Drug Abuse: Opioids
National Institute on Drug Abuse: Heroin
HHS Prevent Opioid Abuse
Community Anti-Drug Coalitions of America
Addiction Technology Transfer Center (ATTC) Network
Prevention Technology Transfer Center (PTTC) Network

Marijuana

Data:

In 2021, marijuana was the most commonly used illicit drug, with 18. 7% of people aged 12 or older (or 52.5 million people) using it in the past year. The percentage was highest among young adults aged 18 to 25 (35.4% or 11.8 million people), followed by adults aged 26 or older (17.2% or 37.9 million people), then by adolescents aged 12 to 17 (10.5% or 2.7 million people).
The percentage of people who used marijuana in the past year was highest among young adults aged 18 to 25 (34.5%) compared with 16.3% of adults aged 26 or older and 10.1% of adolescents aged 12 to 17 (2020 NSDUH)
Marijuana can impair judgment and distort perception in the short term and can lead to memory impairment in the long term
Marijuana can have significant health effects on youth and pregnant women.

Resources:

Know the Risks of Marijuana
Marijuana and Pregnancy
Tips for Teens: Marijuana

Relevant links:

National Institute on Drug Abuse: Marijuana
Addiction Technology Transfer Centers on Marijuana
CDC Marijuana and Public Health

Emerging Trends in Substance Misuse:

Methamphetamine—In 2019, NSDUH data show that approximately 2 million people used methamphetamine in the past year. Approximately 1 million people had a methamphetamine use disorder, which was higher than the percentage in 2016, but similar to the percentages in 2015 and 2018. The National Institute on Drug Abuse Data shows that overdose death rates involving methamphetamine have quadrupled from 2011 to 2017. Frequent meth use is associated with mood disturbances, hallucinations, and paranoia.
Cocaine—In 2019, NSDUH data show an estimated 5.5 million people aged 12 or older were past users of cocaine, including about 778,000 users of crack. The CDC reports that overdose deaths involving have increased by one-third from 2016 to 2017. In the short term, cocaine use can result in increased blood pressure, restlessness, and irritability. In the long term, severe medical complications of cocaine use include heart attacks, seizures, and abdominal pain.
Kratom—In 2019, NSDUH data show that about 825,000 people had used Kratom in the past month. Kratom is a tropical plant that grows naturally in Southeast Asia with leaves that can have psychotropic effects by affecting opioid brain receptors. It is currently unregulated and has risk of abuse and dependence. The National Institute on Drug Abuse reports that health effects of Kratom can include nausea, itching, seizures, and hallucinations.

Resources:

Tips for Teens: Methamphetamine
Tips for Teens: Cocaine
National Institute on Drug Abuse

More SAMHSA publications on substance use prevention and treatment.

Last Updated: 01/05/2023

What to do if parents drink (alcoholics)

Article author Khvostikov Grigory Sergeevich

Psychiatrist Experience 24 years More about the doctor

At what age can a child help an alcoholic parent on his own?

Before adolescence, it is pointless to talk about any help. A little son or daughter themselves needs protection and attention, not even understanding why mom or dad behaves so strangely.

What should a child do if his family has drinking father , mother or both parents?

We emphasize that we are considering a situation in which, apart from an adolescent child, there are no other close adult relatives capable of fighting this deadly disease.

First of all, consider the tactics of behavior when the feast is in full swing:

Do not shout or swear. This will only cause aggression, because alcohol is the strongest depressant;
The best way in this situation is to wait out this time in another room.

When to act?

Wait for the hangover phase. In this state the alcoholic is extremely vulnerable and suggestible. Start with physical recovery:

Drink plenty of water with activated charcoal;
Help take a shower;
Convince to eat a light vegetable salad or soup.

Never give in to requests to get drunk. Remember that this will only push you into a binge. No matter how the parent screamed and cried, even if it was a mother. Women's alcoholism is an even more serious addiction than men's, as it destroys the body and psyche much faster.

How to act when the physical condition has become stable?

Calmly, without shouting or reproaching, explain what the parent is doing with his life;
Press on pity and ask to see a doctor;
When consent is obtained, immediately pack your things and go to a hospital or rehabilitation center.

The main mistake is the delay in contacting specialists. Connect to the trouble of adults who know how to deal with this disease.

Remember that the consequences of alcoholism adults for a child are so monstrous that they can destroy the rest of his life, so do not delay with decisive action.

We guarantee a positive result

You can be sure that all activities will lead to a positive result when following our recommendations

More about methods and terms

Inpatient treatment

Triple accommodation "Standard+" (per day)

from 8 500 ₽
Triple accommodation "Standard+" (per day)

from 8 500 ₽
Double accommodation "Comfort" (days)

from 10 000 ₽
Double accommodation "Comfort" (days)

from 10 000 ₽
Single accommodation "Premium" (per night)

from 15 000 ₽
Single accommodation "Premium" (days)

from 15 000 ₽

Field services

Coding - Aversive (prohibitive) methods

Injection of Vivitrol intramuscularly

from 40 000 ₽
Implantation of Naltrexone v/m (6 months)

from 52 000 ₽
Administration of IM Naltrexone solution (1 month)

from 15 000 ₽
Administration of Disulfiram deconoate depot i/m (up to 3 months)

from 5 000 ₽
Implantation of the preparation "Disulfiram" (from 1 year)

from 22 000 ₽
Administration of Esperal intramuscularly (up to 3 months)

from 5 000 ₽
Implantation of Esperal preparation (1 year)

from 15 000 ₽
Introduction of the drug "Esperal" from 1 month

from 5 000 ₽
Hypnotherapy session Dovzhenko

from 20 000 ₽

Advisory services

Consultation with a psychiatrist (45 minutes)

from 5 000 ₽
Initial psychotherapist's consultation (45 minutes)

from 6 000 ₽
Visiting psychiatrist's consultation visiting (45 min)

from 10 000 ₽
Consultation with a narcologist (45 minutes)

from 5 000 ₽
Clinical psychologist initial consultation (45 minutes)

from 5 000 ₽
Family psychologist consultation (45 minutes)

from 8 000 ₽
General practitioner consultation (45 minutes)

from 5 000 ₽
General practitioner consultation (45 minutes)

from 5 000 ₽

See all prices

Free consultation

and appointment

If you are looking for a good paid drug treatment clinic in Moscow, call:

+7(495)109-22-42

The call is free

Clinic photo gallery

Do you have any questions?
Call us

Free consultation and appointment

+7(495)109-22-42

The call is free

Clinic specialists

Khvostikov Grigory Sergeevich

Psychiatrist

Experience 24 years

More about the doctor

Attaeva Leyla Zhamalovna

Experience 11 years

More about the doctor

Zvezdin Alexey Vladimirovich

Psychiatrist

Experience 44 years

More about the doctor

Agibalova Tatyana Vasilievna

Psychiatrist-narcologist, Doctor of Medical Sciences, Professor

Experience 19 years

More about the doctor

Makarov Alexander Viktorovich

Psychiatrist-narcologist

Experience 12 years

More about the doctor

Panarin Alexander Sergeevich

Psychiatrist-narcologist

Experience 14 years

More about the doctor

Shkarupin Nikolai Nikolaevich

Narcologist

Experience 9 years

More about the doctor

Kraev Oleg Yurievich

Psychologist, candidate of psychological sciences

Experience 14 years

More about the doctor

Testimonials from our patients

Andrey Sergeevich Pavlov

Patient treatment period – 3 months

My name is Andrey Sergeyevich Pavlov. For several years he drank relentlessly, lost his job, had thoughts of suicide. Realizing that it was impossible to continue living like this, he turned to the Respect Alcoholism Center. It was here that I was able to get rid of cravings for alcohol. Polite and competent doctors, as well as the treatment system, helped me return to a normal life. 4 years have passed, and I have not even drunk a drop of alcohol, and I am not at all attracted to him! Thanks to the doctors of the clinic "Respect".

Igor Valentinovich Smirnov

Patient treatment period – 5 months

Hello! I am Igor Valentinovich Smirnov. He turned to various clinics for help in the treatment of addiction to alcohol, but all without much success. I could not overcome the craving for a bottle until I was advised by a friend who had undergone treatment at the Respect clinic. Made an appointment. I was struck by the attitude towards patients. Attentive doctors and staff, comfortable conditions, like at home, you feel relaxed. Several specialists worked with me at once, and after a week I felt that there were improvements, and when the course ended, it was as if a new life began for me. For three years I have been looking at alcohol with indifference, I go in for sports, I have established relationships in the family. I am grateful to the Respect center for saving my life from the alcohol hell!

Anonymous

Patient treatment period – 4 months

I would like to express my gratitude to the doctors of the Respekt Alcoholism Center. They literally dragged me out of the world. Last year I drank heavily, and everything went topsy-turvy. Went to therapy sessions, but all in vain. I found the address of the Respect clinic on the net, read reviews and information about the center. I signed up for an appointment, where they immediately offered a treatment method that allows me to remove not only withdrawal symptoms, but also mental dependence. I won’t tell for a long time, I’ll say one thing - I came out of there a different person, and forgot about what the taste of alcohol is forever. And don't hesitate to try! Real healers of souls work there!

Karpova Valentina Petrovna

Patient treatment period – 3 weeks

I could spend several days in an alcoholic frenzy. My husband didn’t do anything: he cursed, drove me to grandmothers - everything was useless. I don't remember a single sober day in my life. But I haven't drunk for a year now. And the specialists of the Respect clinic helped me in this. I thank you from the bottom of my heart! You saved me!!!

Zavyalov Igor Sergeevich

Patient treatment period – 4 months

I am an alcoholic with over 25 years of experience. My wife turned to the Respect clinic when I needed emergency care. At that time, my last binge lasted more than a week. The doctors helped me and, one might say, pulled me out of the other world. I haven't had a drink in about six months now. Thank you for giving me new life!

Shmakova Larisa Mikhailovna

Patient treatment period – 3 months

My son, after a difficult divorce, began to drown his resentment and grief with alcohol. Hid from me. But I'm a mother, you can't fool me. And then came the emergency. A friend advised me to the Respect VIP clinic. They are great! They took my son out of another binge, after which he has not been drinking at all for more than a year.

Ruban Dmitry Mikhailovich

Patient treatment period – 1 day

Ruban Dmitry Mikhailovich: it is very difficult to remember your addiction every time. A feeling of guilt rolls over to my family, relatives, on whose initiative I ended up in the Respect rehabilitation center, for which I am very grateful to them. It was scary, but the competent specialists of the center did a great job, picked up the best coding method and before that psychologically prepared for the procedure. I have been clean for 1 year 4 months and 3 days. Thanks

Lapshina Elena Nikolaevna

Patient treatment period – 1 day

Lapshina Elena Nikolaevna: When you suffer from alcoholism, you not only can't live, you can't even imagine that there is some sense and interest in existence without alcohol. And every dependent person will understand me well. Now I can not only live without alcohol, I can be happy, feel joy and interest. Hypnosis coding helped me. I have not been drinking for about a year and after some time I plan to repeat the procedure

Nechaev Dmitry Ivanovich

Patient treatment period – 1 day

Nechaev Dmitry Ivanovich: I am an alcoholic with great experience and I have already despaired in the endless search for an effective method. It was coded and more than once in times in various clinics. In the Respect center, they found an individual approach to me, thanks to which I have been able to abstain for about six months. In this case, the treatment continues. I regularly go to psychotherapy sessions.

Kuznetsova Nadezhda Mikhailovna

Patient treatment period – 3 months

I would like to express my gratitude to the entire staff of the Respect Psychiatric Center for their sensitive and attentive attitude towards me, they helped me get out of the deepest depressive state, I thank them for their professionalism. My mental state has improved, I feel great. All my relatives, friends and acquaintances were surprised by my good results!

Ionov Vladimir Vladimirovich

Patient treatment period – 1 month

Hello, I would like to share my opinion about the wonderful psychiatric center “Respect”. The doctors are polite, trying to understand, to figure out what caused the disease, how to treat! It's nice to talk with doctors, it is felt that they really want to help. I was treated with nervous stress in general, they helped.

Olga Trofimova

Patient treatment period – 4 months

Thanks to the doctors. I am being observed for a psychiatric disease, in the “Respect” center, the most important thing for me is the attitude of doctors towards me, I am a vulnerable person and take everything to heart, the “Respect” center found an approach to me, I became mentally calm, I will say this, until this was observed in another clinic, I didn’t get anything good there, but only mockery from doctors!

Poisonous childhood: prevention measures and ways to pass on positive experience to future generations

- Mom, let's go home!
- Leave me alone . ..
- Mom, I want to eat, let's go home!
- Get off me, you're tired! Get out of court! You always need something, go for a walk in the street…

And Antoshka goes, goes wherever his eyes look. Hungry, in old torn sneakers inherited from his older brother, soaked in the rain. He cries from resentment and hunger, from fear that the neighbor boys will again call names and tease, that he and little Irishka (sister), who stayed with her mother, will again be taken to the orphanage and forever! And he doesn't want that! What does he want and where is he going? What does he feel, what is he worried about? And what is his future?

Someone, but definitely not a mother, thinks about it! She feels good and has fun in the company of her friends, who are always drunk, not working, living on child allowances and pensions, often changing roommates, bringing them home. And all this in front of the children! And how many children are like Antoshka, who suffer from the alcohol addiction of their parents? What do they feel and experience? What do they think and dream about?
Alcohol addiction in Russia has become commonplace. This problem is not surprising. We must not forget that alcoholism is a disease, severe, chronic. A disease that affects not only the alcoholic himself, but also his loved ones. And, of course, children!

Growing up and maturing is always difficult. And growing up in a family of an alcoholic is unbearably difficult. Millions of adults were brought up in families where life was ruled by alcohol. Millions of children still live in such families. Children of alcoholic parents endure stress comparable to the loss of a loved one known as “post-traumatic stress disorder” 2, p.81.

It often happens that it is easier for a child to get along with an alcoholic parent and more difficult with a sober co-dependent parent. Codependent parents are often irritated, anxious, nervous, tired of this battle. Unconsciously, they broadcast their feelings to children. Co-dependent parents are so preoccupied with putting their house in order that it drains all their psychic energy. All attention is absorbed by a patient with alcoholism, the whole life in the house revolves around him, around his problems. And children feel neglected, unwanted, unloved 2, p.12.

The mind of a child is like plasticine, from which life in a family where one or both parents suffer from alcohol addiction molds a certain character. And what happens? How do such children differ from their peers 1, p.81.

LOW SELF-ESTIMATE
The attention that the sons and daughters of alcoholic parents receive is mixed with toxic emotions. The child is little praised and much criticized. Words and hints are interpreted by him as negative ideas about himself: “I constantly get in the way,” “I bring problems to others,” and so on. Even one or two of these beliefs is enough for a child to develop low self-esteem, since these messages come from the most significant people - mom and dad.

NO RIGHT TO ERRORS
In healthy, functional families, mistakes are allowed. After all, we learn from mistakes! Overcoming them helps growth and development. Family members encourage both adults and children to explore unfamiliar aspects of life. Children of patients with alcohol dependence of their parents see themselves through the cloudy glass of the parental world view. Mistakes in the alcoholic family are simply forbidden. Alcohol dissolves the self-respect of a person, all family members. Children do not know if they have ground under their feet, because their roots (parental family) are sick and weak. In alcoholic families, if there is cohesion, it is negative cohesion, mixed with criticism, violence, inconstancy, denial and excessive stress. The child's personal growth stops. There is a fixation on their feelings of inadequacy, humiliation.

CRITIQUE
In healthy families, parents always pay attention to the work that the child does and completes. At the same time, parents' expectations are realistic, praise and support are constant. In families with alcohol addiction, the completed cases of the child receive recognition and praise depending on the mood of the parents and on the state of the alcoholic parent. Criticism is constant, not encouragement. Possible insults, violence - physical, emotional, sexual. Expectations are determined by the level of alcohol in the blood of a sick family member.

NEGATIVE
The family ignores alcoholism and accepts the alcoholic's irresponsible behavior. Denial as a form of psychological defense helps to cope with pain. The parent denies what the child sees with his own eyes. The child is confused, he begins to distrust reality. He doubts and denies his own perception, and then get used to lying to the world and to himself. Children try to be what their parents think they should be - a sign, a hallmark of the non-existent well-being of the family. Such families are called facade. It's great on the outside, but terrible on the inside.

ANGER
This is the most common emotion in children, arising as a reaction to the parent's alcoholism. Its manifestation is usually forbidden to children, although adults allow themselves to be angry. The child knows that it is wrong to be angry, it is wrong. He often hides his anger behind a fake smile. Later, this can lead to poverty of feelings. Beneath anger lie pain, sadness, the bitterness of existence.

DEPRESSION
Compared with children of healthy parents, children of alcoholics are more likely to describe their childhood as unhappy. In adulthood, they are twice as likely to suffer from depression.

FEAR
The unpredictability of parental expectations and reactions creates a palpable fear of the unknown. Anger in families with alcohol dependence is generally not understandable, it is meaningless and constant. All the time someone is yelling at someone, and someone is blaming someone. Sometimes family members hit each other. Looking at all this, the child learns to avoid confrontation, so as not to add anything to the constantly boiling cauldron.

VINA
Children in alcohol dependent families often feel guilty and responsible for a parent's drinking. Some even believe that because of him, the child, the parent drinks. Often children think that they are able to keep a parent from drinking, but this is an illusion. As adults, children continue to experience guilt almost constantly. This feeling easily arises in a variety of circumstances. If someone accuses them, they willingly accept the blame at their own expense.

CONFUSION AND ISOLATION
Children hide the drunkenness of their father or mother, avoid inviting friends to their house. Many of them build invisible walls around themselves, living more in dreams and fantasies than in the real world. They seem to close their feelings and open them only in adulthood.

SORRY, LOSS
These feelings in children can manifest themselves at different levels, and in the future visit only from time to time. The loss of a carefree, joyful childhood can be a source of grief. This feeling prevents the development of an identity in a teenager, awareness of himself as a unique person with a sense of dignity and worth. An unresolved feeling of grief, loss can overshadow life and interfere with building one's family 1, p.26.
No matter how the further life of a child from a family of alcoholics develops, growing up a child acquires a number of features that determine his future life path, even if he himself does not drink, nevertheless, childhood experience lays its foundation.
The path to healing from a "poisonous childhood" is difficult. It requires comprehension of the experienced and significant efforts. The child grows up and carries into adulthood problems from childhood. Even realizing, he can preserve and increase the hardships of his childhood trauma. In his adult life, certain stages can often be noticeable, creating additional difficulties in determining his place in society, society and creating a strong family.

What if you recognize yourself in history?
Recommendations of psychologists for adult children of alcoholics.

• Remember that you are not to blame for the alcohol addiction of your parents. You are also not responsible for their emotions and behavior. And this is not because you are weak - only specialists can control the course and consequences of the disease.
• Your childhood was difficult, but now you decide what will happen next, choose your future and the future of your children.
• Many children from families with alcohol dependent parents have low self-esteem. The most difficult thing for such a person is to learn to be proud of himself. Each has strengths and weaknesses. Accept yourself with all the mistakes, experiences, achievements. Every day mark the reasons to be proud of yourself, take responsibility for your success, do not give it to "favorable circumstances." In case of failure, try to get out of the situation "with a cool head", muffled emotions, and use the opportunity that has arisen to do things in a new way.
• Don't be afraid to say "no" when you feel like you're being rejected and resisted by others' requests.
• Learn to gradually open up to others to overcome feelings of alienation and shame.
• Know how to be in the present, and not rely on past suffering.
• Accept all your feelings, even negative ones. It is important to be able to express them in a healthy way, without harming yourself or others. If you are angry, try hitting a sports bag, shout in an open field or forest, play darts, or write a letter to the offender, and then destroy him.
• Don't fight with your parents, it's pointless. They are not perfect - they are just people who can be caring or not, strong or weak. Probably, their life was passed through a meat grinder, and pain, fear and something else were mixed in this stuffing. The most difficult task is to learn to notice love in him.
• Just because your parents were alcoholics doesn't mean you need to see a doctor. But if you feel like you need help, don't be afraid to seek professional help. Perhaps, at the beginning of therapy, it will seem to you that remembering events from childhood is too painful, and you will want to quit it.