How to handle when your child lies

Why Kids Lie and What Parents Can Do to Stop It

Call them fibs, whoppers or straight-up untruths: However you label them, kids are likely to lie somewhere along the way. While a younger child may conjure up an elaborate tale about how she couldn’t possibly have kicked a younger sibling, older kids may flat-out lie about doing their homework.

Sometimes the onset of lying is sudden and intense, reports Matthew Rouse, PhD, a clinical psychologist. “It’s a new thing where they were pretty truthful most of the time before and then suddenly they’re lying about a lot of stuff,” he says. This, of course, is concerning to parents. But if caregivers can understand why kids lie and be prepared to deal with the issue, the truth can come out.

Why kids lie

Most parents think children lie to get something they want, avoid a consequence or get out of something they don’t want to do. These are common motivations, but there are also some less obvious reasons why kids might not tell the truth — or at least the whole truth.

To test out a new behavior

Dr. Rouse says one reason children lie is because they’ve discovered this novel idea and are trying it out, just as they do with most kinds of behaviors, to see what happens. “They’ll wonder, what happens if I lie about this situation?” he says. “What will it do for me? What does it get me out of? What does it get me?’”

To enhance self-esteem and gain approval

Children who lack confidence may tell grandiose lies to make themselves seem more impressive, special or talented to inflate their self-esteem and make themselves look good in the eyes of others. Dr. Rouse recalls treating an eighth-grader who was exaggerating wildly about 80 percent of the time: “They were kind of incredible experiences that weren’t within the bounds of plausible at all.” For instance, the boy would say he’d gone to a party and everyone had started to chant for him when he came in the door.

To get the focus off themselves

Children with anxiety or depression might lie about their symptoms to get the spotlight off them, Dr. Rouse notes. Or they might minimize their issues, saying something like “No, no I slept fine last night” because they don’t want people worrying about them.

Speaking before they think

Carol Brady, PhD, a clinical psychologist and regular columnist for ADDitude magazine who works with a lot of kids with ADHD, says they may lie out of impulsivity. “One of the hallmarks of the impulsive type of ADHD is to talk before they think,” she says, “so a lot of times you’re going to get this lying issue.”

Sometimes kids can really believe they’ve done something and tell what sounds like a lie, Dr. Brady adds. “Sometimes they’ll really just forget. I have kids who say, ‘To tell you the truth, Dr. Brady, I thought I did my homework. I really thought I did. I didn’t remember I had that extra work.’” When this happens, she says, they need help supplementing their memory by using techniques such as checklists, time limits and organizers.

And then there are white lies

Just to make things even trickier, in certain situations parents might actually encourage children to tell a white lie in order to spare someone’s feelings. In this case, the white lie and when to use it fall under the umbrella of social skills.

What parents can do about lying

Both Dr. Rouse and Dr. Brady say it’s first important to think about the function of the lie. “When I’m doing an evaluation, there are questions on our intake forms where parents can check off whether the child lies,” Dr. Rouse says. “It’s something I might spend 20 minutes delving into. What kinds of lies, what are the circumstances of the lies?” He says behavioral treatments depend on the function of the lies and the severity of the problem. “There are no hard and fast guidelines,” he says. “Different levels mean different repercussions.”

Level 1 lie

When it comes to attention-seeking lying, Dr. Rouse says that, generally speaking, it’s best to ignore it. Rather than saying harshly, “That’s a lie. I know that didn’t happen to you,” he suggests a gentle approach where parents don’t necessarily have a consequence but they’re also not trying to feed it a lot of attention.

This is especially true if the lying is coming from place of low self-esteem. “So if they’re saying, ‘I scored 10 goals today at recess in soccer and everybody put me on their shoulders and it was amazing’ and you think it’s not true, then I would say don’t ask a bunch of follow-up questions.” For these kind of low-level lies that aren’t really hurting anyone but aren’t good behavior, ignoring and redirecting to something that you know is more factual is the way to go.

Level 2 lie

If that doesn’t work, Dr. Rouse says, parents can be more transparent about it by offering a mild reprimand. “I’ve had situations where it’s an inflated kind of fantastical type of lie,” he says. “I’ll have parents label it and call it a tall tale. If the child is telling one of these stories, a parent will gently say, ‘Hey, this sounds like a tall tale, why don’t you try again and tell me what really happened?’ ” It’s about pointing out the behavior and encouraging kids to try again.

Level 3 lie

If something is more serious, like older kids lying about where they’ve been or whether they’ve done their homework, parents can think about having a consequence. Kids should be clear that there will be repercussions for this kind of lie, so it’s not coming out of the blue. Like all consequences, Dr. Rouse recommends it should be something short-lived, not overblown, which gives the child a chance to get back to practicing better behaviors. Some examples: losing her phone for an hour or having to do a chore

Also, depending on the severity, there also has to be a component of addressing what they were lying about. If a child has said he didn’t have any homework all week and then the parent finds out he had homework every day, there needs to be some kind of consequence for the lying and he also has to sit down and do all the work. If he’s hit another child and lied about it, there’s a consequence for the lying and also for hitting. In this case, Dr. Rouse says, you would also have him write an apology letter to the other child.

Ways to help your kids avoid lying in the first place

Let them know the truth reduces consequences

For instance, if teens have been drinking at a party, the parent will want them to call to be picked up. But kids know there also has to be a consequence for the drinking. “There’s a hard balance to strike between having the open dialogue but also setting appropriate limits when necessary,” Dr. Rouse says.

In this situation, where lying would have been easier, when parents are doling out the consequence they can also praise the child for telling the truth and tell them it makes them more trustworthy. They might also reduce the consequence, such as letting kids know they’re taking their phone away for a day instead of a week.

Dr. Rouse adds one caveat: Children and teens should not think consequences are negotiable. “Sometimes the kid will say, ‘But I told you the truth,’” he says. “They’ll get manipulative, saying, ‘This is just making me want to never tell the truth again.’” Parents shouldn’t give in at that point.

Use truth checks

Let’s say parents have been told by a teacher their child didn’t do her homework. Dr. Brady suggests that they give their kid a chance to tell the truth. If she doesn’t at first, the parents could say, “I’m going to walk away and give you 10 minutes and then I’m going to come back and ask you again. If you change your mind and want to give me a different answer, it’s just a truth check and you won’t get in trouble.”

This way, if a child gives an off-the-cuff answer because she’s scared of consequences or she doesn’t want to disappoint a parent, she has the chance to really think about whether she wants to lie or fess up without the consequences. Dr. Brady notes that this technique isn’t for a child who chronically lies.

Use the preamble method

Parents can also set up kids to tell the truth by reminding them that they don’t expect perfection, Dr. Brady notes. Parents could say, “I’m going to ask you a question and maybe you’re going to tell me something I don’t really want to hear. But remember, your behavior is not who you are. I love you no matter what, and sometimes people make mistakes. So I want you to think about giving me an honest answer.” Giving kids a chance to reflect on this may lead to them telling the truth.

Give kids with ADHD more time to think

Dr. Brady says kids with ADHD, who are prone to giving impulsive answers that come out as lies, need some extra time to think things through before speaking. Impulsivity can be a problem both at home and in school, when a teacher asks if a child has finished an assignment and the child answers yes without even looking at his paper. That’s when he needs to be taught to slow down and check his work.

What parents shouldn’t do

Don’t ever corner your child

Putting a child on the spot can set him up to lie. If parents know the true story, Dr. Brady recommends, they should go right to the issue and discuss it. Instead of asking a child if he didn’t do his homework a parent could just say, “I know you didn’t do it. Let’s talk about why that’s not a good idea.”

Don’t label your child a liar

It’s a big mistake to call a child a liar, Dr Brady argues. The wound it creates is bigger than dealing with what he lied about in the first place. He thinks, “Mom won’t believe me.” It makes him feel bad about himself and may set up a pattern of lying.

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5 Tips to Handle When Your Child Lies

Written by WebMD Editorial Contributors

Kids lie for many reasons. They may want to avoid a consequence or say what comes to mind even if it’s not true. Children may start lying suddenly. This can be shocking for parents who have dealt with an honest child until now. Knowing why your child is lying and how to talk to them can help stop this behavior.

Understanding why children start lying can help you treat the underlying reason. Children typically lie for four reasons.

They may not know better.
They may know it’s wrong to lie but have a stronger desire to accomplish something else.
They may say what pops in their head without filtering.
They may try to mislead an adult because they have negative feelings towards them.

Determine how serious your child's lies are. Depending on your child’s age, there may be different intentions behind their lying. A young child may tell tall tales which isn’t always a problem. An older child may lie about their behavior. This secret keeping could lead to serious behavioral problems as an adult.

Correct lying behavior. You should not punish or corner your child when they’re caught in a lie. This can lead to more serious lies or resentment. Instead, remain calm and explain to them why lying is wrong. You can also provide them with facts. Then encourage them to tell you the story again but truthfully.

How to handle your child lying. Don’t scold or yell at them when you catch them in a lie. You’ll want to keep communication honest and comfortable between you and your child. The following steps will help you handle your child’s lies:

View lies as skill-building. As your child gets older, they’ll test what they can get away with. This is how they learn consequences.
Respond to lies with facts. Especially when dealing with children under the age of three, let them know that there are facts. Lay out evidence that contradicts their lies.
Help them find a way to deal with certain behaviors. If you catch your child in a lie, let them know that they can tell you the truth.
If they see you lie, they’ll lie. Your child will watch how you respond to things, and if you’re lying, they will think they can too.
Let older children know there are times when small lies can be okay. Then teach them the moral consequences of bigger lies. Let them see how you’ve been caught in lies and let it be a learning experience for them.

You should be concerned when your child lies frequently. If your child’s lying is paired with other concerning behavior, they may have psychological problems. A child that lies and doesn’t have friends can also be a concern. They may feel isolated and lonely. If your child lies and shows no signs of remorse or guilt, they might have underlying issues as well.

By age three, your child may already understand what lying is. Children often start lying to cover up actions they know are wrong. But lying can also signify cognitive and social understanding. Advantages of your child lying include:

Cognitive ability. It takes cognitive skills to regulate their actions, plan their lies, and strategize when they lie. Lying is a problematic behavior, but it could be your child’s way of developing their thoughts and actions.
Controlling their thoughts. Your child will need to go against what they’re trained to think to maintain a lie. This shows that some children can hold conflicting thoughts in their minds and control which action they talk about.
That doesn’t mean they have a lack of morals. Just because lying is bad, doesn’t mean your child is. Some studies have shown that there is little to no relationship between children’s lying behavior and moral understanding.

Disadvantages include:

Lying because they’re stressed. Your child may lie because they feel a lot of pressure to act a certain way. They may be feeling pressure from their parents. This could lead to low self-esteem and frequent lying to avoid the truth.
Unable to explain their actions. Your child may not understand that what they are doing is wrong. If they don’t know their behavior is bad, they continue to lie about their actions. They may not have the cognitive ability to understand why they’re lying.
Used to get attention. If your child feels neglected, they may come up with lies to get your attention. This may be a coping mechanism for not getting the praise that they want. This is a behavioral problem that can be addressed.

The child lies and deceives. What to do?

Many parents are faced with the fact that the child tells lies - lies and deceives.
As a rule, the reaction of parents to such behavior is to scold, shame, punish the child.

But once you begin to understand why your child lies and cheats, then you can help him change his behavior and become more honest. The key word here is "help". Not to force, not to force, but to help the child not to lie and deceive, but to tell you the truth.

Reasons why a child lies and deceives

If we start to figure out why a child lies and deceives, we will see that he is just the same afraid of punishment, screaming and being scolded. It's kind of a vicious circle. The more we scold the child for lying, the more he will hide the truth from us in the future. What is the way out of this?

Children, as a rule, find quite logical reasons to hide the truth - they want to avoid unpleasant consequences for themselves, they don't want to disappoint their parents, they don't want to listen to screams and hourly moralizing.

It is hard for a child not to lie when he knows exactly what a very unpleasant outcome awaits him for the truth. Therefore, understanding all these reasons, we need to create such conditions in the family so that the child can easily tell us everything as it is.

There are also cases when a child wants to embellish the situation in order to impress others more, to gain more weight in the eyes of others. This happens when the child feels that he is not good enough as he is.

And instead of scolding him, he needs to be understood and reassured that everything is all right with him and that he does not have to invent something about himself that is not really there.

Or it may be that the child does not deceive on purpose, but understands or remembers the situation in his own way and retells it exactly as he perceived it. In this case, it would be completely unfair to talk about deception. It's just the way the kid remembers it.

For some children, fantasizing is a psychological defense that helps them cope with some difficult circumstances in their lives.

For example, a child's dog has died. He does not want to believe it and fantasizes that the dog actually just ran away and lives in the forest. At the same time, he himself begins to believe in this fantasy so much that he tells others about it. Can we say in this case that the child is cheating? No. He uses fantasy to protect himself from painful experiences for which he was not prepared. In his subjective, inner world, the dog really lives in the forest. And he believes in it.

Again, when we punish children for lying, they continue to lie in the hope of avoiding any punishment in the future. The following nine tips will help you build more trust in your relationship with your child. They will help you establish a climate in the family in which it will be easy for children to tell the truth.

Please just be patient and understand that the situation cannot change quickly. It takes time for trust to grow between you again. Be patient and consistent.

9 tips to help your child not lie and tell the truth:

1. Remain calm and respond adequately to the misconduct of the child

Try not to frighten the child with your emotional reactions to his actions, hurtful words, shouting, threats and punishments. Such reactions do not educate children for the future, do not teach them something new. They just help you blow off steam, but they instill fear in your child.

Therefore, be aware of how you respond to children's "bad" behavior. For example, on spilled juice on the carpet, spilled salt, untidy toys, unwashed hands, unfinished homework. If a child knows that the reaction of mom or dad to his misdeeds is excessively violent, emotional, angry, mom will scream, and dad will grab the belt, it will be difficult for him to tell you the truth.

Focus not on blaming the child for what happened, but on finding a way out of the current situation together with him. Ask the child: " What can we do now to deal with the consequences of ?” Instead of getting angry and blaming, think together about what can be done now.

Remain calm and respond appropriately when a child lies.

Example: A mother got angry at her 5-year-old daughter for dropping and breaking a beautiful dish. Instead of yelling at her and punishing her, her mother managed her emotions and said, “ Let's think, what can we do now? »

The girl herself was very worried and apologized, and in response to her mother's question, she suggested trying to glue the broken dish together. They glued the dish together and my mother explained that now it cannot be used and it will stand just for beauty. Mom also said that she was very upset by what had happened, but she understood that the girl did not do it on purpose and this could happen to anyone. She showed her daughter how to hold a large dish in her hands next time so that it does not fall out.

2. Do not provoke your child to lie and deceive

If you see a pile of things on the floor in your daughter's room, don't ask, “ Have you removed your things from the floor? » When we ask questions to which we already know the answer, we ourselves are pushing our child to lie in the hope that you will leave him behind.

Instead, underline in your question how to solve this situation, for example: “ I see that there are still a lot of your things on the floor, do you need help to clean them up or can you do it yourself? " or " Do you want to put your clothes away now or when you finish dinner? »

If you know that your son hasn't touched his lessons, instead of asking Did you do your homework? ”, ask: “ What are your plans for the lessons? What thoughts? »

Instead of asking your daughter: « Did you trample it in the corridor? ”, ask “ How do we clean the floor in the hallway now? And what do you think should be done so that there is no more dirt on the floor in the corridor from street shoes? »

Such questions allow your child to engage in active discussion, "save face", prevent a "power struggle" with him and you help him focus on the plan of action, on what needs to be done, instead of preparing an excuse or come up with something. In addition, it perfectly educates the child for the future.

3. Try to understand why the child is lying and telling lies

Instead of "catching" the child on his deceit and accusing him: “ Why are you lying to me? I raised a liar! Tell me the truth! ”- try to look at the root of the problem and understand why your child is now unable to tell you the truth in this situation.

Say something like this: “ What you are saying does not sound very plausible. It seems to me that for some reason you just can't tell me how it really was. Maybe you are afraid of something? Let's talk about it and discuss the situation together. It's always better to tell the truth as it is. »

Do not speak in a threatening tone, but in a welcoming tone. Reassure your child that you will not scold or punish him for the truth, whatever it may be. In the future, the child will remember this experience and be more likely to share with you, because he will know that it is safe to share what happened with you.

Believe me, there is no point in punishing and swearing! Well, your abuse and punishment will not help the child in the future to behave differently or tell you the truth. But a discussion and a confidential conversation with him will help. Let not immediately, but such conversations will certainly bear fruit.

4. Mark the child for honesty

“ Mommy, just don’t swear, something happened to me there b”… “ Mommy, I’ll tell you something now, just don’t scold me, please » …

First of all, you need to pay attention: despite the fact that the child understands that he did something wrong, he still came to you and confessed what happened. And even if you are upset that there is a sea of \u200b\u200bwater on the bathroom floor because your daughter tried to bathe the doll in the sink, you need to praise her for coming to you and telling you everything about flooding the entire floor.

Say: “ I really appreciate that you tell me honestly how it is, tell the truth. This is the most important thing, and now we will wipe the water with you .

It often happens that a child first tells a lie, and then corrects himself and confesses. And often parents, instead of praising the child for the courage to tell the truth and his confession, continue to scold him for the fact that at first he nevertheless deceived them. He corrected himself, took a step in the right direction, and the parents still emphasize that at first he told a lie.

The child is learning this lesson – “It doesn't matter if I'm lying or telling the truth, I'm scolded in both cases. Confess or don't confess, it won't get any better." So that the child does not make such conclusions, but understands that his confession will be of great benefit and lead to a constructive discussion, it is necessary to note the sincerity of the child, to praise his honesty.

5. Explain to the child that mistakes are opportunities to learn something

Every mistake is an opportunity to learn something new, gain new experience. The child needs to be explained that making mistakes is normal, we all make mistakes and learn from mistakes, everything can be redone and corrected. Only those who do nothing do not make mistakes.

Help your child see their mistakes as opportunities to learn. To do this, ask him questions: “ If you could do it again, what would you do differently? Let's think about how best to act in this situation next time? ". Think with your child, share ideas, and help your son or daughter reach an important conclusion.

When we, adults, calmly accept the mistakes of the child and teach him the right attitude towards them, it will be easier for him to tell the truth and admit mistakes and failures in the future.

6. Show your child your unconditional love and support

Say that you love your child for no reason, no matter what, even if he gets into trouble and makes mistakes. Make sure your child knows for sure that despite his misdeeds, mistakes or bad behavior, you will never love him less. This helps the child feel safe and open up to you more.

7. Set the right example

Remember that our children learn from us. It happens that we ourselves deceive children over trifles and believe that this is “nothing terrible”, “a lie for good”. For example, we say to a child "If you get ready now and we quickly go for a walk, I'll buy you ice cream" . And then it turns out that we didn’t take the money, or we simply don’t have time to go to the store, or we changed our minds, because “it’s almost time for dinner”, etc.

Another example: we don’t want guests to come to us in the evening, therefore, we tell them on the phone that we will not be at home, that we are leaving, and the child knows perfectly well that in fact we are not leaving anywhere. Another example of a small everyday lie of adults. And there are many such examples. Therefore, make sure to always tell the truth in the presence of a child (and not only), and keep your word.

Separately, we should highlight the extent to which we ourselves are ready to allow deception in relation to ourselves and others - to tacitly agree or show an active position. How ready are we ourselves, for example, to use unlicensed software, stolen courses, or plagiarism? Our children see and learn all this at the level of values, regardless of what we teach them with the help of words.

8. Don't label your child as "liar" or "liar"

Even if you have caught your child cheating several times, never call him such offensive words. They have absolutely no pedagogical meaning, but only further complicate the situation. The child sooner or later comes to terms with such labels and begins to feel exactly who you call him.

9. Never complain to other people that your child has deceived you

Moreover, do not do this in the presence of a child. This is very humiliating and insulting and will greatly complicate your relationship with him. Don't take out the trash. Try to resolve such situations within the family and help the child save face in front of other adults and his friends. This will help him change faster.

If you feel like you are following all of these guidelines and your child continues to lie and cheat a lot, you may need the help of a professional child psychologist.

P.S. If you liked the article, please share with your friends by clicking on the social media buttons. And, as always, I welcome your comments and questions below.

What to do if a child is lying? Psychologist's advice

Author : Ksenia Shvetsova, psychologist

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Natalia:

- Hello, Xenia. Daughter 10 years old, after a divorce we live together. What should I do if a child is lying to me: she rips sheets out of notebooks, puts good grades in her diary, does not talk about extra classes, does not write down all her homework, is very lazy, she has to repeat the same request 3-5 times and does not always with a result. And at the same time, she is very affectionate, cheerful and active in everything that does not concern household chores and studies. How to behave, how to build a conversation, if it would seem that I already explained everything to her, I don’t beat, I punish only with temporary deprivation of any pleasures, such as: a ban on watching TV, a ban on walking, a refusal to buy new stickers, trips to rest and etc.

I work a lot, I can’t communicate as much as I would like, I really want to get understanding and help from the child, but in fact only words about how much she loves me and the complete absence of actions confirming this. What's my mistake? What am I doing wrong? How to teach her to take responsibility for her actions and think about the consequences of what she does?

Thank you. Sincerely, Natalia.

Ksenia Shvetsova , psychologist

Hello, Natalia!
First of all, you need to figure out why your daughter prefers lies to the truth, to understand the motives for deceit. Here are some reasons why a child begins to lie:

Lies often serve as a means to make life easier for a child. Especially if his parents keep telling him "no"
Often a lie tells what is locked in the soul of a child, what worries and torments him, causes strong fear, perhaps there are problems that need to be addressed.
Avoids stressful situations.
A child can lie if he knows that you are able to turn a small offense into an "elephant".
With the help of lies, the child avoids punishment. Think about whether your requirements for a child are not too high, do they correspond to his capabilities? Do you humiliate him with constant lectures and moralizing? Does the child have a fear of punishment?
The child begins to lie if the parents do not pay enough attention to him. And she is trying to get your attention at any cost. Since you noticed that she lied, it means that you are not indifferent to her. Such is childish logic.
Children lie to avoid ridicule when they accidentally "fell face down in the dirt".
Has a desire to appear better than it really is.
In adolescence, lying can be seen as an attempt to protect one's privacy, to show one's independence, to avoid difficulties. Of course, deceit can also be regarded as an attempt to escape punishment, or an attempt to get something that could not be achieved if they told the truth.
Another common cause of children's lies is the fear of disappointing their parents. The child tries to live up to expectations. Children are under a lot of pressure to expect to do well in school, whether from parents or teachers. Many children also believe that their future depends on good grades. And if they do not meet these expectations, do not do well at school, then the child feels that he has no other choice but to deceive, and then deception has the function of a defense mechanism against excessive pressure.

If you want to teach a child to be honest, then you must be ready to hear from him sometimes the bitter truth, and not just the "pleasant" one. If you want your child to grow up honest, you must not allow him to lie about his feelings, whether they are positive, negative or mixed. Our reactions to the feelings he expresses help him understand whether honesty is really the best policy.

How a lie conveys the truth. If children are punished for telling the truth, they lie out of a sense of self-defense. Sometimes they fantasize, invent something incredible that they lack in everyday life, in reality. Children's lies convey to us the truth about the state of mind of the child, about his fears and hopes, about who he would like to become, what he would like to do. To a sensitive listener, a lie will tell what it seems to be designed to hide. The correct response to a lie should express understanding, not denial of its true meaning. To help the child draw the line between what is desired and what is real, one must use the information contained in a lie. If we find out that our daughter flunked the test in arithmetic, we should not ask her: “Well, how was the test? Oh, good? This time you won't fool me! I spoke with the teacher and I know that you wrote the work very badly. Instead, tell your child directly: “The teacher told me that you flunked the arithmetic test. I'm worried and thinking about how to help you."

In short, we must not instigate so-called "protective lies" or set traps for children. If the child is still lying, there is no need to throw a tantrum or lecture. It is necessary to respond in word and deed, realistically reflecting the state of affairs. The child must understand that there is no need to lie to the parents.

Lies really have many meanings and meanings. Lies for salvation. Lies as a way of manipulation. A lie, for the sake of the lie itself, "for the red word." The older the child, the more subtly he uses lies. At first almost unconsciously, then quite consciously and prudently. And as soon as a lie becomes a tool to achieve the child's goal, it's time to call for an answer. Here childhood ends and adult responsibility for one's words begins.

How to prevent children's lies?

Create an atmosphere in the family in which lies are not needed in principle. If a child knows that he can trust his parents with his secrets, his actions are discussed and accepted, and punishment is not used as an educational tool, then a motive for lying may never arise.

Before you angrily stop the deceit and bring the liar to clean water, try to understand the motives of his act. Even the most serious offense has another side. The child must know that his act does not make him unambiguously bad. An act may be bad, but not a person! You can never speculate with such concepts as love - do not love. "Get out of here, I don't love you like that!" Naturally, next time the child will want to embellish himself in order to earn the love of his mother or father.

Most of the children's lies stem from the desire to prove to significant people: "I'm good." A schoolboy who lied about losing his diary is afraid not only of the wrath of his parents, but also of being accused of worthlessness. “Here I was an excellent student at your age!” Grandpa screams. And the child feels guilty! And the lie here turns out to be just a way of psychological protection.

Teach him how to deal with defeat. Many children cheat out of fear of failure. Tell your child how you deal with problems and defeats yourself so that he learns this too. Offer an alternative to deception - acknowledging and correcting your mistakes.

Don't want your child to lie? Be honest yourself!

If parents want to teach their child to tell the truth, then they themselves must first of all:

Always keep your word. If in any case you cannot keep a promise, explain to the child why you cannot keep it and apologize.
If it turns out that way, then you yourself lied to the child, explain what caused the lie and be sure to admit the very fact of deception.
Do not expect children to immediately begin to distinguish between the concepts of "white lies" and more serious deceit.
Reward your child when he tells the truth, especially when it was not easy to tell.
Do not impose many rules on a child and do not expect too much from him, remember: more rules - more chances that they can be violated by the child, and more often the child will resort to deception as a means of avoiding punishment.
Tell the child that you love him even when he is lying and that he is a good child, despite the fact that he deceived.

If you suddenly discover that a child has lied to you, you should not immediately shout or swear at the child. In such cases, there is nothing better than a calm and reasonable conversation without raised tones. After all, if you start shouting at a child, then most likely you can achieve the opposite: he will begin to deceive even more, just to avoid your censure and punishment. In case of deception, do not pretend that you believe, but calmly explain what your child is composing, and this is obvious. Your children's fantasies are not yet a hoax as such. After all, children themselves are born into this world as clean as a white sheet of paper. The blots and the crooked slope of the letters depends on you. If you see that the child has begun to use lies for his own benefit, that is, for selfish purposes, you should think about it. So, there is a gap in your relationship with the child. Analyze the situation and try to find out the reasons for the appearance of lies. Just so the child will not lie, circumstances force him to do so. And if the parent does not fall into "angry swearing", but treats the child with understanding and tenderness, a positive result will be obvious.

Deception cannot be completely eradicated; one can simply explain to the child: "what is good and what is bad." In this case, the example of the parents themselves is very important. Therefore, before asking a child to answer a phone call with the phrase - "mom is not at home", think about the consequences. Do not forget to communicate with children more often on this topic. Tell them different stories about yourself, your parents and ask questions. The answers will show how the child will act in a similar situation. Also help the children learn “polite lies.” Exactly when it is not necessary to tell the truth. For example, your child is given a gift. He does not like the thing, and he says: "I did not want such a toy", thereby offending the giver.