How to handle a child with aspergers
Raising a Child With Asperger’s Syndrome
It takes patience, structure, and sometimes a special dog to raise a child with Asperger’s.
Written by Mary Walsh
- Diagnosing Asperger’s Syndrome
- Asperger’s and OCD
I began noticing something was different about my son, Matthew, when he was about two years old. He didn’t make good eye contact. Noise bothered him. He had trouble with some of his motor skills, such as using a spoon.
He was also having a tough time at day care. He’d cry when I dropped him off. He couldn’t relate to other kids. He would get bothered if toys got out of order. And he clapped a lot, more than normal. When I look back at pictures of him at that age, he looked really sad, really serious. My husband and I thought that was just the way he was, that he would grow out of these behaviors. But he didn’t. The behaviors got worse.
Diagnosing Asperger’s Syndrome
Finally in January 2005 -- when he was about to turn 3 -- his preschool teachers told us they were concerned about his lack of sociability and obsessive tendencies. Our pediatrician reviewed the preschool’s notes and said that just one symptom isn’t unusual, but several point to something more serious. Then she mentioned Asperger’s syndrome. I had no clue what that was. But after a pediatrician who specializes in developmental problems evaluated Matthew, the diagnosis was confirmed.
Asperger’s is similar to autism, with some differences. Autistic kids often have delayed speech, for instance, while the speech of children with Asperger’s tends to develop normally. But children with Asperger’s have trouble with “expressive language,” as well as with empathy and reading social cues.
Asperger’s and OCD
Many children with Asperger’s also develop obsessive interests. That explains why Matthew started focusing on garbage at an early age. He knows more about it than most people who work for garbage companies. Asperger’s sometimes has other components of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), too. Matthew feels a need to shut doors and push in chairs.
He gets very upset when his routine changes. Plus he has anxiety and anger management problems. That’s why he claps: It helps him organize himself when he’s upset.
But to some extent, Asperger’s and OCD are just labels. What’s most important is figuring out how best to help him. So we try a lot of different things: reducing the triggers for his aggressive behavior, occupational and physical therapy, a very routine schedule, medications, and finding friends who will be good role models for him. Last year, we also bought him a golden retriever puppy named Tiger. It’s been helping him develop social skills -- Matthew can talk to Tiger, play with Tiger, tell Tiger he loves him. It’s good practice for relating to people.
Asperger’s is not insurmountable. It’s not the kiss of death. Matthew’s a very bright child, but his wiring is different. That’s all.
5 Tips for Raising a Child with Asperger's Syndrome
Parenthood looks a little different when you’re raising a child with Asperger’s Syndrome.
So much more than some label, Asperger’s Syndrome colors how a child sees and experiences the world. For these children, nothing is obvious or to be taken for granted. And it’s up to parents to be sensitive and mindful of these unique challenges.
Asperger’s Syndrome changes what it means to be a parent. This condition forces parents to accept that they’re preparing their child for a world that may not always understand them. The good news is that many with Asperger’s Syndrome do go on to lead fulfilling lives.
Diagnosing Asperger’s Syndrome
Asperger’s Syndrome is often dismissed as high-functioning autism. This dismisses the uniqueness of the condition. In 1994, Asperger’s Syndrome was officially added to the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorder. This was the first time there was an official acknowledgement that Asperger’s Syndrome is its own condition separate from autism.
However, this all changed in 2013 when much to the dismay of many with Asperger’s Syndrome, the DSM-5 decided to redefine autism, Asperger’s Syndrome and other developmental disorders with the blanket diagnosis autism spectrum disorder.
This makes collecting accurate data about Asperger’s Syndrome difficult as the condition is sometimes diagnosed as autism or autism spectrum disorder but other times as Asperger’s Syndrome.
It isn’t always easy to diagnose Asperger’s Syndrome largely due to a lack of standardized screening. While the condition is often identified in childhood, many only receive a diagnosis as adults. Often the condition is diagnosed in adults looking for treatment for other health issues like depression and obsessive compulsive disorder. With early intervention and the correct behavioral management strategies, most people with Asperger’s Syndrome go on to lead independent lives. Many do manage to adapt to the challenges of daily life, find employment, and even enjoy fulfilling relationships.
Learn More about AngelSense and how it helps to promote independence and support employment
What’s the difference between Asperger’s Syndrome and autism?
Children with Asperger’s Syndrome often don’t have the same developmental delays or difficulties as those with autism.
This is why children with the condition are considered to have high-functioning autism. What’s interesting about children with Asperger’s Syndrome is that they tend to have a high IQ and can learn new things with ease. They also often have good language skills unlike people with autism.
Tips for raising a child with Asperger’s Syndrome
Parenting is one of the toughest jobs in the world, and perhaps the only one that comes without a guidebook or well-documented protocol. Parenting a child with Asperger’s Syndrome is doubly challenging, and while we don’t claim to have all the answers these tips may come in handy. At the very least, our hope is that these tips will give you the peace of mind to know that you’re doing everything you can to raise a happy and well-adjusted child.
1. Teach practical social skills
Children with Asperger’s Syndrome find social interaction particularly challenging because they’re often unable to understand the subtleties of body language and tone of voice.
More often than not, these children will misread these situations, appearing awkward and even socially inappropriate.
It’s important to teach children to correctly identify social cues and body language. In addition, these children need to spend time practicing the social norms that govern social interaction. This includes maintaining an appropriate social distance and making eye contact. It’s also important to work on understanding nonliteral language as this makes up a large part of daily interaction, and is something people with Asperger’s find especially challenging.
How can I help my child improve their social skills today?
Teach your child a few conversation starters to help them interact with others. This can include things like What is your name? or Can I sit with you?
2. Work on your child’s problem solving skills
Problem solving skills can help a child better understand social norms and how to react in difficult social situations.
A large part of enhancing a child’s problem solving skills involves helping them to correctly identify what’s wrong in different situations. This is a good way to teach your child about cause and effect and the power that actions can have in the world.
Parents should keep in mind that while there isn’t only one way to solve a problem, this is a skill that children with Asperger’s Syndrome need to practice as often as possible. By incorporating problem solving as part of your child’s daily life, your child will develop the confidence to respond calmly when they have to problem solve in real life.
How can I help my child improve their problem solving skills today?
Read your child a simple story and ask them to identify the problem. Have a discussion about the different ways to solve the problem and what the most effective approach would be.
3. Teach your child to be self-aware
It’s important to help your child develop different strategies for coping emotionally.
Self-awareness is an important part of managing emotions effectively. You can start by teaching children to correctly identify their feelings and emotions when in different situations. It’s also important to make sure your child knows how to manage these emotions so that anxiety and stress doesn’t trigger a meltdown.
How can I help my child be more self-aware today?
Show your child a picture and ask them to identify what it makes them feel. Once they’ve identified the emotion, ask them what other situations in their life make them feel this way.
4. Encourage your child to develop socially appropriate behavior
One of the best ways to help your child understand what appropriate behavior is, is to avoid criticism. Instead, find something positive to reward and praise your child for. This could be something as simple as the way your child is playing with their toys. The behavior you reward is what your child is most likely to repeat.
How can I help my child behave better today?
Challenge yourself to notice your child’s positive behavior and reward them for it. Perhaps they made eye contact during an interaction or didn’t shout. Draw your child’s attention to what they’re doing right.
5. Help your child develop a routine
Not unlike children with autism, those with Asperger’s Syndrome thrive on routine, structure and predictability. It’s up to parents to help their children develop a routine that remains unchanged from day to day. It’s a good idea to actively involve your child when deciding on the daily routine so that they feel part of the process. Be sure to factor in downtime and activities that will help your child manage transitions.
How can I help my child develop a routine today?
Some children respond well to seeing a written schedule. You may even want to create a daily chart which clearly outlines the day’s activities so your child knows what to expect.
This makes it easier to stick to the routine and may even make it easier to plan for the unexpected.
It takes patience and understanding to raise a happy and well-adjusted child with Asperger’s Syndrome. It also requires the acceptance that no two children are alike. Your child’s condition does not define who they are. What parenting tips did you find most effective when raising your special child? Share your thoughts and suggestions in the comments below.
AngelSense is committed to creating a safer world for children with special needs. We designed the AngelSense GPS tracking solution to give parents the peace of mind that their child is safe at all times.
How to help a child with Asperger's syndrome find friends?
05/20/14
Recommendations of an adult with Asperger's Parents with this diagnosis
Author: Gavin Bollard / Gavin Bollard
Translation: Elena Chernovskaya
Sour
"Who did you play with at school today?" is a common question from a mother, the answer to which was a muttering: “With no one…” And this is one of the most common problems that parents and their children with Asperger's face face.
Making friends is not easy, but maintaining friendship is even more difficult. Back in November, I wrote an article about my own experiences growing up and making friends, but this time I want to offer some tips and tricks for parents whose kids have trouble making friends.
How to recognize a friend
Friendship is preceded by a series of steps that are not instinctive for children with Asperger's syndrome. The first step to friendship is recognition, a step that consists of two parts - recognizing the face and remembering the name. The first part is usually straightforward, although some children do not recognize faces at all, and some have difficulty recognizing when others change their hairstyle or other aspects of appearance. There were times in my childhood when I didn't realize that the kid I befriended a year ago was the same boy who had just come up and talked to me.
Sometimes my mother had to step in and say, “Don’t you remember Aaron, you played football with him all last year…” Sometimes I would say, “No, it was a different Aaron,” but her words made me think and often her clues gave me the opportunity to renew the friendship.
Remembering a name is much more difficult, and it is not uncommon for some children to be unable to remember their teacher's name for several months, let alone the names of their classmates. A particular problem for me was that I was always very careful with the names, so I did not even risk saying them. I may well have known the name of the teacher, but I never said his name out loud, so as not to be mistaken.
It took a while for my mother to realize this, and eventually she began to speak and write down the names of my teachers for me until I felt more confident.
Why names are important
One of the most annoying things that can happen is when you can't say someone's name. My youngest son played with one boy every day in kindergarten. They were great friends and apparently this boy used to talk about my son at home every day, calling him by his first name. One day, when my wife was picking him up, she asked the boy's name, and our son replied, "I don't know!" This caused a very emotional reaction from the boy's mother, who was standing nearby.
Apparently, their family had repeatedly heard the name of our son at home, and he himself did not even know the name of his friend. The boy's mother did not understand that our son does not need a name to maintain a strong friendship with someone.
Memorizing names
One good exercise is to use school pictures to help your child remember names. It is helpful to keep copies of these photos near where you and your child do homework and discuss things at school; or perhaps even next to the dining table. Set a goal to memorize one or two names per evening. Do it in the game, as if by accident, not intentionally. So the child will learn to associate names and faces, and not just memorize the list. For best results, start by asking your child who they are playing with, who is in their class. You can also ask him to point to photos of bullies or children who have similar interests to him.
Remembering names and associating them with faces is an important step in building friendships.
Hello! My name is…
— Hello! It's you...
Common Interests
One of the best ways to help your child with Asperger's make friends is to find children with similar interests. To make this process easier, invite your child to bring something related to their interests. For example, if he loves football or a particular football team, then try to send him to school with "signature" items like pencil cases, book covers, and if uniforms are not a requirement at your school, offer themed clothing. But make sure everything is age appropriate. Sending a 14-year-old to school with a "SpongeBob" insignia can attract unwanted attention from bullies.
When your child comes home, ask them who noticed these brand differences, and try to look for positive and/or repeat comments. Your child may need a little help from you, so be ready to support him by offering to talk to any child who shows interest in him.
Arranging Game Meetings
If a common interest becomes apparent, consider organizing a game meeting or going together on a weekend.
If your child is unable to communicate successfully, you can contact teachers for help. The teachers will not be able to give you the other child's phone number, but they will give you your number because they have given you permission.
When arranging a play date, make sure that only one child comes to visit. Inviting two friends at once carries the risk that two visitors will play with each other without your child. If you have two kids, it's best to invite two friends over to avoid one of your kids playing with a friend meant for the other.
If you're hosting a fun activity away from home, try to choose a location where there aren't other kids—or at least a chance of meeting a mutual friend. The parks, for example, are full of other kids, and all of this can lead to other kids who randomly play nearby.
Be sure to invite the other child's parents so that they can also attend. Some parents leave the child and run away, others find it necessary to keep a close eye on their child in a new situation.
This is especially true when it comes to children of different sexes. It may seem unusual, but if you have a boy who has no friends, then it is better to make friends with a girl than not to have friends at all.
See if your child is playing with his new friend or not. If not, ask your child why. Your child may need a little advice on how to start communication.
Try not to immediately insist on mutual agreements. Some parents can't handle multiple kids at the same time and don't like to take responsibility for such activities. Sometimes a response prompt may follow immediately, and sometimes there will be none at all.
This in itself is not a problem until your child reports more than one event where one or more other classmates were invited and they were not.
If this happens, it is often better to look around and look for other friends than to "tear water in a mortar."
Thanks to Elena Chernovskaya for the translation.
We hope you found this material useful or interesting.
You can support people with autism in Russia and contribute to the work of the Foundation by clicking on the "Help" button.
Parenting with Autism, Autistic Notes, First Person, Asperger Syndrome, Social Skills
What to do if a child is diagnosed with ASD? The mother of a boy with Asperger's syndrome tells
…Um, dois, três, quatro – in a spacious gym, a boy changes fighting stances at the coach's expense, practicing kicks. On command, he starts pushing up from the floor. Then he himself counts to ten, switching from Portuguese to English, and simultaneously performs evasions. The boy's name is Timothy, he is 8 years old. In May, he will be certified for the first belt in Capoeira, a Brazilian martial art with elements of acrobatics and dance.
Timofey and his coach / Photo by Roman Lukyanchikov
Timofey is the most ordinary child: he likes "Star Wars" and "Harry Potter", he is fond of robotics, drawing, music and even played in the children's theater.
With grades at school, he is also all right, but he has almost no friends. It is difficult for the boy to make contact with peers and he cannot study in a standard class of 30 people.
Timofey has Asperger's syndrome. It's high-functioning autism - a mental state in which it is difficult for a person to communicate with others, distinguish hints in speech and show empathy. People with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) may seem withdrawn or uncommunicative, but due to the peculiarity of the psyche, it is really difficult for them to talk to a stranger, ask for help, or stay in crowded places for a long time.
See also: "You can do everything". What are the forms of autism and how do people with this disorder live?
He needs help to share with another child
"Timofey is friends, but he never asks to call one of the children home. He communicates with them in a common area, for example, at school. We go to the theater, there are boys and girls, he communicates with them there and that's it, - says the mother of the child Ekaterina Simchuk.
Ekaterina is a mother of two children. Almost every day of hers is scheduled by the hour: in addition to school, the eldest son has many additional classes aimed at developing the skills he needs, including social interaction.
Ekaterina Simchuk / Photo by Roman Lukyanchikov
"Now Timofey is older and says, 'I don't want these children to play with my toys.' He has his own territory. He doesn't always share even what he brings to school. He needs help to share with another child. We still have this problem, it is very difficult to deal with it. Even when Timofey comes to the playground, and there are new children, he hardly approaches them and does not know how to behave. Instead of saying "give me please, look at your toy", he will say "give me a toy". That is, he does not follow the rules of the relationship that children are waiting for. He will not take someone else's without permission, but he cannot say any words that evoke positive emotions in children so that they go with him to contact".
Timofey goes to a private school, there are only 10 people in his class. Classes in a large team will not suit him, the child is just learning to perceive general instructions. At the same time, the boy has no problems with academic performance , he often solves tests in mathematics faster than anyone else. In addition, Timofey is a perfectionist, he likes his toys and things to lie neatly in their places. If someone breaks the order, the boy may become very nervous, but then he will restore everything as it was.
Ekaterina with children / Photo by Roman Lukyanchikov
" He memorizes very quickly if explained to him individually. Accordingly, if Timofey flew in the clouds at school, the teacher asks me to work with him at home on topics. It is difficult for him to understand when they say: "I did not repeat anything during the holidays and forgot everything ". Tima doesn’t have this, if you explain something to him once, he will remember forever.
But as soon as he sees that no one is paying attention to him, he will go about his business, "says Ekaterina.
Timofey trains three times a week at the center of the Kazakhstan Capoeira Federation. The boy is engaged individually with a trainer and attends group classes. In training, the child not only develops physically, but also regularly leaves the comfort zone, performing dynamic tasks in a different order. At the very beginning, he was afraid of heights, but the coach's commands are uncompromising, and Timofey hangs on the horizontal bar or practices blows while standing on cubes.
Diagnosis and correction
Autism spectrum disorder comes in many forms, the dependence on which is expressed in a tendency to the same type of actions, increased excitability, isolation, outbursts of anger, poor learning and problems with coordination. At the same time, each case is individual, and it needs to be correctly diagnosed, which is still a problem in the post-Soviet space.
Doctors sometimes confuse autism with cerebral palsy, developmental delay, and more.
Read also: Who works with children with autism in Kazakhstan and how? Methods, approaches, diagnostics
" Until the age of three, Timofey had no problems. He developed normally, everything was on schedule, like ordinary children. But when we sent him to kindergarten, and he ended up in a society of peers, the teacher told me that he plays by himself, does not give his toys to anyone and does not want to make contact with anyone. Even when the teacher approached him and asked for something, he did not answer, although he knew how to speak. She was even surprised when she saw how we were talking to him and said she didn't know our child could speak.0130 The change of scenery was shocking for Timofey , and then all his problems came out. Before that, he was mostly surrounded by adults who did everything for him. And then he came to kindergarten, where the children asked him about something and tried to involve him in the game.
Accordingly, he did not know what to do," recalls Ekaterina.
Timofey in training / Photo by Roman Lukyanchikov
After that incident, Ekaterina began to take her son to doctors, mainly to neurologists, but they could not really say anything. The reception at the Institute of the Brain in St. Petersburg was also unsuccessful. Communicating with adults, Timofey calmly answered questions, demonstrating his knowledge, and the doctors said that everything was fine with him. Observing Timofey in a small group of children would help to notice changes in his behavior, but the hospital does not provide for such an option. For the first time, Timofey was diagnosed with autism in Ukraine.
"We underwent a comprehensive examination in a special center. Timofey's IQ level was determined, we did an MRI and an EEG. We were told that his academic skills are overestimated, and he knows more than another child at his age. But his social sphere is like a five-year-old child, maybe even a four-year-old, - says Ekaterina, - In kindergarten , we were told that the child was unusual, and he needed to be transferred to home schooling or to some specialized kindergarten .
But familiar experts, on the contrary, said that he did not have an aggressive behavior and he is, simply speaking, a positive person who only develops a little differently. He needs to go into society, and the more people, the more he will see behavior patterns that he can adopt and implement in life. "
Remember? Do
Timofey's family moved to Almaty from St. Petersburg, and before that they lived in Nizhny Novgorod. Relocations are connected with the work of Catherine's wife. The family lives in Kazakhstan for two years. Ekaterina began looking for a developing center for the boy as soon as she arrived in Almaty. There were few options, mostly paid centers where they only work with small children. In St. Petersburg, Timofey went to individual classes in ABA therapy, a behavioral technique for correcting autism, but he lacked training in society.
Photo by Roman Lukyanchikov
"When we found the contacts of the Asyl Miras center on the Internet and signed up there, we were invited for diagnostics.
We talked about our learning needs, and we were offered social classes where several children gather. In fact, this was the addition that "We didn't have enough. The center takes children of any age," says Ekaterina, "In "Asyl Miras" Timofey was invited to the theater. He was given a role in the familiar fairy tale about "Kolobok". Remembering how the characters behave in it, he gave such a result, as if he had been studying acting for years. It turns out that it was laid in him, but we, as parents, simply didn’t feel it. We prepared him in every possible way, played the script, where you need to sing, in what place to tell the verse or dance. "
In addition to the theatrical circle at the development center at the Bulat Utemuratov Foundation, Timofey became interested in drawing. In the center hang two of his paintings, which were included in the exhibition. The boy's other passion is music. At the music school, the parents were told that the child had an excellent ear, and he quickly picked up a melody on the piano .
The only thing he needs to learn is perseverance.
What should parents do when they find out that their child has autism?
Having found out that her son has Asperger's syndrome, Ekaterina began to search for information about autism on the Internet, but articles with a general description of all the signs of ASD only confused her. They said that such children do not talk, or it was about more complex forms of autism spectrum disorders. Then Ukrainian experts advised Ekaterina to take special courses for parents of children with autism, for example, Yulia Erts. But they are paid0008 although some is freely available .
"You can go to Asyl Miras, they also have introductory courses. For example, in order to get to social classes now, parents studied for two weeks. In the classroom, experts tell what autism is and why it is not a disease , explain that this is a feature of the development of the child, and it is impossible to simply give a pill and cure the child.
He remains like this until the end of his life and there is nothing wrong with that. He is different, he has a different development, thinking. I would say that high-functioning autists even have a higher level of thinking in terms of assimilation of information than an ordinary person. I not only watched my child, but also other children in the center. You need to understand that we will not make them the same as we are, but we can bring them to such a level that they can interact with this the world."
Timofey with his mother / Photo by Roman Lukyanchikov
According to Ekaterina, it is important from the very beginning to explain to yourself and family members that a child with ASD is not an outcast and not a bad person, just that a little more effort is needed for his development. In this case, patience, work and the desire to help your child will give results.
"I saw children with various forms of autistic disorders, and they reached a very good level.
The most important thing is to teach the child to live independently in this world, to go buy bread on his own or call an ambulance if he feels bad. He needs to be explained that he must solve everyday problems and, accordingly, be the same ordinary person as everyone else.
How to communicate with a child with ASD?
Children with autism spectrum disorders may be irritated by harsh sounds or the touch of strangers. Such children do not like being hugged by strangers, and you should not scream in front of them. It is most important. In fact, a child with ASD is no different from any other child, even if we are talking about more complex forms of the disorder than Asperger's, it just needs to be approached.
See also: 5 rules for dealing with people with autism spectrum disorders
"Imagine that such a child is lost. How to communicate with him? It is enough just to sit down at his level, look into his face, just do not try to forcefully look into his eyes, and ask what happened, where he came from.
