How to care for autism child

Helping Your Child with Autism Thrive

Ted Hutman, Ph.D. is Assistant Clinical Professor in Psychiatry at the David Geffen School of Medicine at UCLA and a licensed clinical psychologist practicing in Santa Monica, CA.

A parent's guide to autism treatment and support

If you've recently learned that your child has or might have autism spectrum disorder, you're probably wondering and worrying about what comes next. No parent is ever prepared to hear that a child is anything other than happy and healthy, and an ASD diagnosis can be particularly frightening. You may be unsure about how to best help your child, or confused by conflicting treatment advice. Or you may have been told that ASD is an incurable, lifelong condition, leaving you concerned that nothing you do will make a difference.

While it is true that ASD is not something a person simply “grows out of,” there are many treatments that can help children acquire new skills and overcome a wide variety of developmental challenges. From free government services to in-home behavioral therapy and school-based programs, assistance is available to meet your child's special needs and help them learn, grow, and thrive in life.

When you’re looking after an autistic child, it’s also important to take care of yourself. Being emotionally strong allows you to be the best parent you can be to your child in need. These parenting tips can help by making life with an autistic child easier.

Don't wait for a diagnosis

As the parent of a child with ASD or related developmental delays, the best thing you can do is to start treatment right away. Seek help as soon as you suspect something's wrong. Don't wait to see if your child will catch up later or outgrow the problem. Don't even wait for an official diagnosis. The earlier children with autism spectrum disorder get help, the greater their chance of treatment success. Early intervention is the most effective way to speed up your child's development and reduce the symptoms of autism over the lifespan.

[Read: Does My Child Have Autism?]

When your child has autism

Learn about autism. The more you know about autism spectrum disorder, the better equipped you'll be to make informed decisions for your child. Educate yourself about the treatment options, ask questions, and participate in all treatment decisions.

Become an expert on your child. Figure out what triggers your kid's challenging or disruptive behaviors and what elicits a positive response. What does your child find stressful or frightening? Calming? Uncomfortable? Enjoyable? If you understand what affects your child, you'll be better at troubleshooting problems and preventing or modifying situations that cause difficulties.

Accept your child, quirks and all. Rather than focusing on how your autistic child is different from other children and what he or she is “missing,” practice acceptance. Enjoy your kid's special quirks, celebrate small successes, and stop comparing your child to others. Feeling unconditionally loved and accepted will help your child more than anything else.

Don't give up. It's impossible to predict the course of autism spectrum disorder. Don't jump to conclusions about what life is going to be like for your child. Like everyone else, people with autism have an entire lifetime to grow and develop their abilities.

Helping your child with autism thrive tip 1: Provide structure and safety

Learning all you can about autism and getting involved in treatment will go a long way toward helping your child. Additionally, the following tips will make daily home life easier for both you and your child with ASD:

Be consistent. Children with ASD have a hard time applying what they've learned in one setting (such as the therapist's office or school) to others, including the home. For example, your child may use sign language at school to communicate, but never think to do so at home. Creating consistency in your child's environment is the best way to reinforce learning. Find out what your child's therapists are doing and continue their techniques at home. Explore the possibility of having therapy take place in more than one place in order to encourage your child to transfer what he or she has learned from one environment to another. It's also important to be consistent in the way you interact with your child and deal with challenging behaviors.

Stick to a schedule. Autistic children tend to do best when they have a highly-structured schedule or routine. Again, this goes back to the consistency they both need and crave. Set up a schedule for your child, with regular times for meals, therapy, school, and bedtime. Try to keep disruptions to this routine to a minimum. If there is an unavoidable schedule change, prepare your child for it in advance.

Reward good behavior. Positive reinforcement can go a long way with children with ASD, so make an effort to “catch them doing something good. ” Praise them when they act appropriately or learn a new skill, being very specific about what behavior they're being praised for. Also look for other ways to reward them for good behavior, such as giving them a sticker or letting them play with a favorite toy.

Create a home safety zone. Carve out a private space in your home where your child can relax, feel secure, and be safe. This will involve organizing and setting boundaries in ways your child can understand. Visual cues can be helpful (colored tape marking areas that are off limits, labeling items in the house with pictures). You may also need to safety proof the house, particularly if your child is prone to tantrums or other self-injurious behaviors.

Tip 2: Find nonverbal ways to connect

Connecting with an autistic child can be challenging, but you don't need to talk—or even touch—in order to communicate and bond. You communicate by the way you look at your child, by the tone of your voice, your body language – and possibly the way you touch your child. Your child is also communicating with you, even if he or she never speaks. You just need to learn the language.

Look for nonverbal cues. If you are observant and aware, you can learn to pick up on the nonverbal cues that autistic children use to communicate. Pay attention to the kinds of sounds they make, their facial expressions, and the gestures they use when they're tired, hungry, or want something.

Figure out the motivation behind the tantrum. It's only natural to feel upset when you are misunderstood or ignored, and it's no different for children with ASD. When children with ASD act out, it's often because you're not picking up on their nonverbal cues. Throwing a tantrum is their way of communicating their frustration and getting your attention.

[Read: Autism Behavior Problems]

Make time for fun. A child coping with ASD is still a child. For both autistic children and their parents, there needs to be more to life than therapy. Schedule playtime when your child is most alert and awake. Figure out ways to have fun together by thinking about the things that make your child smile, laugh, and come out of her/his shell. Your child is likely to enjoy these activities most if they don't seem therapeutic or educational. There are tremendous benefits that result from your enjoyment of your child's company and from your child's enjoyment of spending unpressured time with you. Play is an essential part of learning for all children and shouldn't feel like work.

Pay attention to your child's sensory sensitivities. Many children with ASD are hypersensitive to light, sound, touch, taste, and smell. Some children with autism are “under-sensitive” to sensory stimuli. Figure out what sights, sounds, smells, movements, and tactile sensations trigger your kid's “bad” or disruptive behaviors and what elicits a positive response. What does your child find stressful? Calming? Uncomfortable? Enjoyable? If you understand what affects your child, you'll be better at troubleshooting problems, preventing situations that cause difficulties, and creating successful experiences.

Tip 3: Create a personalized autism treatment plan

With so many different treatments available, it can be tough to figure out which approach is right for your child. Making things more complicated, you may hear different or even conflicting recommendations from parents, teachers, and doctors.

When putting together a treatment plan for your child, keep in mind that there is no single treatment that works for everyone. Each person on the autism spectrum is unique, with different strengths and weaknesses.

Your child's treatment should be tailored according to their individual needs. You know your child best, so it's up to you to make sure those needs are being met. You can do that by asking yourself the following questions:

What are my child's strengths – and their weaknesses?

What behaviors are causing the most problems? What important skills is my child lacking?

How does my child learn best – through seeing, listening, or doing?

What does my child enjoy – and how can those activities be used in treatment and to bolster learning?

Finally, keep in mind that no matter what treatment plan is chosen, your involvement is vital to success. You can help your child get the most out of treatment by working hand-in-hand with the treatment team and following through with the therapy at home. (This is why your well-being is essential!)

A good treatment plan will:

Build on your child's interests.
Offer a predictable schedule.
Teach tasks as a series of simple steps.
Actively engage your child's attention in highly structured activities.
Provide regular reinforcement of behavior.
Involve the parents.

Choosing autism treatments

There are many different options and approaches to ASD treatment, including behavior therapy, speech-language therapy, physical therapy, occupational therapy, and nutritional therapy.

While you don’t have to limit your child to just one treatment at a time, it’s unlikely you’ll be able to address everything at once. Instead, start by focusing on your child’s most severe symptoms and pressing needs.

[Read: Autism Treatments, Therapies, and Interventions]

Tip 4: Find help and support

Caring for a child with autism can demand a lot of energy and time. There may be days when you feel overwhelmed, stressed, or discouraged. Parenting isn't ever easy, and raising a child with special needs is even more challenging. In order to be the best parent you can be, it's essential that you take care of yourself.

Don't try to do everything on your own. You don't have to! There are many places that families of children with ASD can turn to for advice, a helping hand, advocacy, and support:

ADS support groups – Joining an ASD support group is a great way to meet other families dealing with the same challenges you are. Parents can share information, get advice, and lean on each other for emotional support. Just being around others in the same boat and sharing their experience can go a long way toward reducing the isolation many parents feel after receiving a child's diagnosis.

Respite care – Every parent needs a break now and again. And for parents coping with the added stress of ASD, this is especially true. In respite care, another caregiver takes over temporarily, giving you a break for a few hours, days, or even weeks.

[Read: Respite Care]

Individual, marital, or family counseling – If stress, anxiety, or depression is getting to you, you may want to see a therapist of your own. Therapy is a safe place where you can talk honestly about everything you're feeling—the good, the bad, and the ugly. Marriage or family therapy can also help you work out problems that the challenges of life with an autistic child are causing in your spousal relationship or with other family members.

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Free U.S. government services for children with autism

Under the U.S. federal law known as the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA), children with disabilities—including those with ASD—are eligible for a range of free or low-cost services. Under this provision, children in need and their families may receive medical evaluations, psychological services, speech therapy, physical therapy, parent counseling and training, assisted technology devices, and other specialized services.

Children under the age of 10 do not need an autism diagnosis to receive free services under IDEA. If they are experiencing a developmental delay (including delays in communication or social development), they are automatically eligible for early intervention and special education services.

Early intervention services (birth through age two)

Infants and toddlers through the age of two receive assistance through the Early Intervention program. In order to qualify, your child must first undergo a free evaluation. If the assessment reveals a developmental problem, you will work with early intervention treatment providers to develop an Individualized Family Service Plan (IFSP). An IFSP describes your child's needs and the specific services he or she will receive.

For autism, an IFSP would include a variety of behavior, physical, speech, and play therapies. It would focus on preparing autistic kids for the eventual transition to school. Early intervention services are typically conducted in the home or at a child care center.

To locate local early intervention services for your child, ask your pediatrician for a referral or use the resources listed in the “Get more help” section at the end of the article.

Special education services (age three and older)

Children over the age of three receive assistance through school-based programs. As with early intervention, special education services are tailored to your child's individual needs. Autistic children are often placed with other developmentally delayed kids in small groups where they can receive more individual attention and specialized instruction. However, depending on their abilities, they may also spend at least part of the school day in a regular classroom. The goal is to place kids in the “least restrictive environment” possible where they are still able to learn.

If you'd like to pursue special education services, your local school system will first need to evaluate your child. Based on this assessment, an Individualized Education Plan (IEP) will be drafted. An IEP outlines the educational goals for your child for the school year. Additionally, it describes the special services or supports the school will provide your child in order to meet those goals.

Know your child's rights

As the parent of a child with ASD, you have a legal right to:

Be involved in developing your child's IEP from start to finish
Disagree with the school system's recommendations
Seek an outside evaluation for your child
Invite anyone you want—from a relative to your child's doctor—to be on the IEP team
Request an IEP meeting at any time if you feel your child's needs are not being met
Free or low-cost legal representation if you can't come to an agreement with the school

Caring for a child with autism when you are autistic

Research indicates that there is a genetic component to autism. However, many parents only discover they’re autistic when they research and obtain a formal diagnosis for their own child. If you’re autistic, you might face unique challenges when it comes to raising children who are also neurodivergent. Here are a few tips that may help:

Don’t hide your identity. Let your child get to know the real you. If you have certain quirks, such as repetitive behaviors or unusual body movements, don’t feel pressured to mask them in front of your child. By being yourself, you’re encouraging your autistic child to be themselves around you and creating an opportunity to bond over your similarities. You can also talk with your child about how neurotypical individuals may react to your behaviors and how to handle negative reactions. Aim to offer the type of guidance you could’ve used when you were young.

Remember to care for yourself. Caring for a child can be challenging if you struggle with sensory needs or require a highly structured lifestyle. For example, if you’re sensitive to sounds, a crying child may be a constant source of stress and discomfort. A child’s sudden tantrums can make it hard for you to stick to a consistent schedule, creating further frustration. To protect your own sense of well-being, it’s important for you to adopt coping habits that help reduce your stress in these types of situations.

[Read: Autism in Adults: Recognizing the Signs, Living with a Diagnosis]

If certain tasks seem overwhelming, look to other people for support. For example, if communicating with doctors and teachers poses a challenge, a parenting mentor or other parents with autism might be able to help you come up with solutions.

Build on your strengths. Everyone has specific strengths, and you’re no exception. Consider how your skills and talents can help you establish a supportive household for your child. Do you excel at visual thinking or design? Create educational posters for your child. Are you able to focus for long periods of time? Use that focus to research and study up on parenting practices and coping strategies. Are you good at problem-solving? Use your creativity and out-of-the-box thinking to overcome challenges around the house.

Be patient with yourself and your child. Be willing to accept that you both have plenty of time to grow and learn. You might experience some setbacks. Perhaps, you lose your temper and feel ashamed by your reaction. Or maybe your child has a hard time fitting in with peers when they start school. Resolve to learn from bad experiences and find solutions, even if you have to make multiple attempts. When one of you does make progress, remember to acknowledge the growth. Offer your child praise and celebrate your personal successes as well.

Ted Hutman, Ph.D. is Assistant Clinical Professor in Psychiatry at the David Geffen School of Medicine at UCLA and a licensed clinical psychologist practicing in Santa Monica, CA.

Hotlines and support

In the U.S.
Call the Autism Society National Helpline at 1-800-328-8476.
UK
Call the Child Autism UK helpline at 01344 882248 or find help and support at The National Autistic Society.
Australia
Call the Early Intervention helpdesk in Perth at 1800 778 581 or Get support for your child from NDIS.
Canada
Call the Autism Canada Family Support Representative at 1-800-983-1795.
New Zealand
Find helplines and support in your area at Autism New Zealand.

Last updated or reviewed on February 24, 2023

Tips for Parenting A Child With Autism

Written by Debra Fulghum Bruce, PhD

Medically Reviewed by Neha Pathak, MD on September 28, 2021

As a parent, you’ve probably spent a lot of time thinking about your child’s future. Even more so if they have an autism spectrum disorder, or ASD diagnosis.

Apart from the medical care and therapies that you may line up to help your son or daughter, there are simple, everyday things that make a difference.

Focus on the positive. Just like anyone else, children with autism spectrum disorder often respond well to positive reinforcement. That means when you praise them for the behaviors they’re doing well, it will make them (and you) feel good.

Be specific, so that they know exactly what you liked about their behavior. Find ways to reward them, either with extra playtime or a small prize like a sticker.

Also, as you would with anyone -- on the spectrum or not -- prize your child for who they are. As a parent, loving your child for who they are is key.

Stay consistent and on schedule. People on the spectrum like routines. Make sure they get consistent guidance and interaction, so they can practice what they learn from therapy.

This can make learning new skills and behaviors easier, and help them apply their knowledge in different situations. Talk to their teachers and therapists and try to align on a consistent set of techniques and methods of interaction so you can bring what they’re learning home.

Put play on the schedule. Finding activities that seem like pure fun, and not more education or therapy, may help your child open up and connect with you.

Give it time. You’ll likely try a lot of different techniques, treatments, and approaches as you figure out what’s best for your child. Stay positive and try not to get discouraged if they don’t respond well to a particular method.

Take your child along for everyday activities. If your child’s behavior is unpredictable, you may feel like it’s easier not to expose them to certain situations. But when you take them on everyday errands like grocery shopping or a post office run, it may help them get them used to the world around them.

Get support. Whether online or face-to-face, support from other families, professionals, and friends can be a big help. Create a village of friends and family who understand your child's diagnosis. Friendships may be difficult, and your child will need support in maintaining those friendships. Support groups can be a good way to share advice and information and to meet other parents dealing with similar challenges. Individual, marital, or family counseling can be helpful, too. Think about what might make your life a little easier, and ask for help.

Look into respite care. This is when another caregiver looks after your child -- inside your home, outside of it, or both -- for a period of time to give you a short break. You’ll need it, especially if your child has intense needs due to ASD. This can give you a chance to do things that restore your own health and that you enjoy, so that you come back home ready to help.

You can identify or form your respite support team using these methods:

Ask your friends, family, and other parents you know for support connections you might not have thought about.
Check with your child’s doctors, therapists, and teachers for ideas or referrals. For instance, a teacher’s aide you really like might enjoy babysitting in their free time.
You can also post notices for childcare help in newspapers and online, local religious communities, and at colleges and universities near you. Be sure to check all references carefully.
Join a support group for parents of autistic children. Find out what works for others. You can find self-help communities by calling a local autism support center or looking online.

Take care of yourself. As a caregiver, you need to keep your body and your mind in tip-top shape so you can face the challenges that crop up from day to day. This means slowing down and looking for ways to take care of yourself so you’ll have plenty of you (physically, mentally, and emotionally) to go around.

Cut your stress. Parents of kids with ASD often face more stress than those who deal with other disabilities. If left unchecked, caregivers can face breakdowns in relationships and even psychological disorders. Stress can affect your health, too. Stay organized to help yourself avoid getting overwhelmed. This means finding time in your day just for yourself. Some important and even fun ways to do that include:

Pinpoint the real causes of your stress. If you feel overwhelmed, break down the major issues you’re facing into easier bites. You’ll feel better, and you’ll have a plan.
Meditation may help, too. Pay attention to your thoughts and the way you talk to yourself. It’ll help you weed out useless worries.
Exercise. You don’t need to go to the gym. Walk, work in the garden, swim, even dance in the kitchen. These are easy, effective ways to get some exercise.
- If you want some adult company, take an exercise class. It’s a great way to recharge your batteries and meet new people.
Get some ZZZs. When you need to recharge your body and mind, you can’t beat the power of a good night’s sleep. If you need extra help winding down, meditate or do relaxation exercises. That can help your body get ready for rest.
Get creative with your food. You likely spend lots of energy making sure your child eats nutritious meals. What about you? Spice up your personal menu by trying different fruits, veggies, and cuisines. Scope out new recipes to keep things interesting. And eat on a set schedule each day. It’ll help you keep your energy up and your system on track.

Get balance in your life. This is the key not only to facing life's challenges, but also keeping a high quality of life. Your whole family will benefit. Book time in your weekly calendar for fun and socializing. Try these tips to add balance to your busy days:

Find your friends. Yes, you’re the parent of a special-needs child. But you’re a person, too. Remembering that you have your own identity makes you a better parent. Take time to reconnect and laugh with your friends. You’ll be glad you did.
Take up old hobbies. Track down your knitting needles, dust off the piano, or get out the golf clubs. Try new activities that catch your eye.
Take five every day. A few extra minutes first thing in the morning can center you and set the tone for the whole day. Gather your thoughts, take a long, warm shower, or jot some notes in a journal.
Make it quick. Can your partner or other family members take over parenting duties for a bit? A quick walk around the block or short drive to the store -- by yourself -- will give you some much-needed time to yourself.

15 important tips for loved ones about raising an autistic child

Any parent with a seriously ill child can hardly endure this disaster, living in a state of chronic stress. In addition to the usual concerns related to the upbringing and development of the child, they also have a special responsibility for caring for the baby.

Parents raising a child with autism face many challenges, especially the lack of accessible information about this mysterious condition. About what mistakes to avoid in dealing with such children, how to help them, ProUfu.ru talked with a teacher-defectologist of the municipal budgetary institution of the city center for psychological, medical and social support "Indigo" Ludmila Magafurova.

- Early childhood autism is a severe form of mental illness. This rare syndrome is present either from birth or develops in the first three years of the baby. Outwardly, it manifests itself as a mental underdevelopment, but, despite a gross disorder of behavior, the child is not mentally retarded. He has speech skills, the ability to count, - said Lyudmila Magafurova. - Sometimes autistic children can amaze with their extraordinary memory. The child is able to draw conclusions, reason, but he cannot clearly formulate his thoughts. The fact is that autistic people have a speech disorder aimed at communication. They can repeat the text of a television advertisement with exact intonation or quote an excerpt from a movie, but they can no longer repeat anything at the request.

A special place in autistic children is occupied by emotional development. Reality is perceived by them absolutely indifferently. Outwardly, these are cold and soulless children, but on the other hand, they are vulnerable and touchy. They sometimes appear to be unable to see or hear, although the test indicates that they can see and hear. For an autist - a huge difficulty to look into the eyes of the interlocutor.

Childhood autism frightens others, which is morally difficult for the parents of autistic children. Such children are difficult in everyday life, they need constant supervision.

It is forbidden to impose everything new, to throw away any objects chosen by a sick child, even if it is a stick brought from the street. An autistic child remembers everything, insults too. Thus, parents can lose trust, forcing the child to withdraw even more.

A familiar environment at home is important for a child with autism. He loves the same walking routes, the same clothes, dishes. For this child, trips to public institutions - cinemas, concerts - are a big burden.

Basic rule when communicating with an autistic child:

Every correct form of behavior or action must be rewarded. It is absolutely impossible to punish such children.

Carefully overcoming the resistance of the child, you need to gradually introduce him to the real world. Involving in the monotonous game of the baby (for example, the monotonous opening of a drawer), you need to try to switch his attention to something else. Gradually, you need to teach the child to look into the eyes, try to start a mutual conversation.

How to recognize autism in a child in infancy?

Usually, autism is most pronounced at the age of 3-5 years. But in order to help autistic children develop, it is important to start special correctional support for these children as early as possible. To do this, it is very important to recognize autism as early as possible.

In early childhood, the most important sign of the presence of autistic features of development is the delay and distortion of the formation of contacts with the mother and others. For example, a child may avoid physical contact with his mother: he does not ask to be held, sometimes he actively resists when the mother tries to pick him up. Often does not respond to an adult's smile with a return smile. The child may not respond to the appeal, not look at the person speaking to him. He often does not pay attention to the instructions and warnings of an adult, does not follow the pointing gesture with his eyes. Even if the child experiences pleasure from interacting with the mother, he rarely initiates contact.

Some children are extremely attached to their parents, never letting them go for a minute. Can be very sensitive to sensory discomfort (sharp sounds, bright lights, wet diapers).

The emotional makeup of autistic children is very diverse. It can be a special detachment, or vice versa, anxiety, tension, fears. Autistic children are often selective in food, which makes it difficult to feed.

Features of development

Changes in the habitual stereotype, the order of life cause fears and anxiety. The child may react violently to a change in the stroller or a change in the usual clothes of the parents. At the same time, the child can do dangerous things, demonstrating paradoxical fearlessness (for example, runs out into the middle of the roadway, or climbs very high, comes close to the edge of the playground, as if revealing the absence of a sense of the edge).

Some children develop stereotypes at a very early age (eg, repeating the same words, shaking hands in front of the eyes, sticking to the same routes, long monotonous rocking).

The speech development of autistic children is also peculiar, speech may be delayed in its formation, the first words may be unusual (“lamp”, “tractor”), stereotypes-stamps may form in speech, unusual intonations attract attention.

Specialists know how important a friendly atmosphere in the family is for successful correctional work with an autistic child. Therefore, it is very important to create psychological comfort in the house.

To do this, parents need to get rid of some stereotypical thoughts. Here are some of them:

"My child must achieve more in life and justify my hopes placed on him."

“A sick child is a punishment for some of your sins. It's your own fault that he's sick."

“If you have a disabled child, your life is over: you have to quit everything, stop taking care of yourself, give up your plans, your personal life and devote the rest of your life to the child. ”

These and other similar stereotypes cause great suffering to parents, because they dictate a predetermined life scenario, as if requiring them to discard all their plans, dreams and live the way they do not want to live at all. Sometimes, they look at the child as the source of all troubles: “If he were healthy, I could live in a completely different way!”.

To help an autistic child, one must first get rid of stereotypes. To do this, you need to get rid of your own ambitions for your child. You can have a huge impact on his or her life. For this to happen, you need to take care of yourself first. Remember that if you want to take the best care of your child, you must first take the best care of yourself.

How to communicate with an autist? 15 Daily Tips

Five Ways to Show Acceptance for Autistic Children

1. Be patient. In fact, this applies to any children without exception. Children have the right to be with you in this world, they have the right to fully participate in this world, which will soon be theirs. Children in general, but especially children with special needs, can only learn proper social behavior, they can make noise in the library (but if they love books loudly, how can you be mad at them?), they can constantly fidget around you in airplane, they might burst into tears in line at the supermarket checkout because they saw that chocolate bar (maybe you need it too, you just learned how to express your desires in a socially acceptable way). Without a doubt, we all misbehaved at least occasionally (or often), and if we were lucky, then there were patient and understanding adults next to us, even if we ourselves lacked patience.

2. Ask and listen. My son is speaking. This is our blessing, and this is what we have worked long and hard for. What he says is usually full of meaning (although sometimes this meaning is known only to himself) and an unusual way of looking at things. My son speaks slowly, extremely slowly, he often repeats parts of a sentence several times, he speaks in a quiet monotonous voice, practically without facial expressions, without gestures, without looking into his eyes. Stop, sit down to be at his level, listen to him, give him time to find his words, give him the opportunity to speak - he really has something to say. He taught me a lot, and I learned to trust him, even when I think he's making things up, like that pink concrete mixer, but he actually saw it at the construction site down the street.

3. Discuss their interests with them. A quote from Temple Grandin recently made me think about children and their personal understanding of their autism: are we encouraging them to think too much about their differences from other people? While it seems to me important that we as adults show understanding for these children, they are not limited to their diagnoses, impairments, and neurological differences. It seems to me that this is the moment when "acceptance" becomes more important than "informing about the problem. " True acceptance means that you accept that something is part of your world and your life, but you don't have to think about it all the time. Many children on the autism spectrum have very surprising interests, or interests that only they can see something amazing in, these interests allow them to maintain peace of mind and peace of mind, and sometimes, with the right support and encouragement, they can become experts in the field. your interest and make it your career. Ask my daughter anything about condors and you'll have a very long (and very informative) conversation that I'm sure you'll enjoy just as much as she did. Join my son as he collects little pebbles in the park. This is soothing, and you will immediately establish a relationship with him that cannot be achieved with words alone.

4. Communicate with them and accept their communication with you. Most children on the autism spectrum have some form of communication problem, ranging from severe to subtle. If the child does not speak and does not have other means of communication, then you can observe his behavior, what he does, what gives him pleasure - communicate at this level or just be around without the usual communication, for many this is already a very big step . I don't have much experience with non-speaking children, but I know that behavior is communication, and if you are accepting of a child and comfortable in their presence, then this is also a form of communication that can be very useful for you. both. Children who can speak also have differences in communication, so we must be aware that when communicating with them, some stereotypical aspects of communication may be missing (for example, very often it is eye contact), in addition, they may interpret language differently ( see point 2).

5. Love them. Because what else do all children need if not love and acceptance? (Besides oxygen, food, water and a roof over your head, but you get my point).

Five ways to show acceptance towards autistic adults

1. Show respect. Whether a person has a visible disability or not, whether communication is difficult or not, everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. It seems to me that there is no point in explaining this point, but it does not prevent us all from thinking it over.

2. Communicate with them. No matter how the person communicates with you, including if they use an iPad, computer, SMS, typing, or spoken language to communicate, listen to them, ask questions, and listen for answers. Autistic people are the ultimate experts on their experiences, and there is something for everyone to learn from them. Many adults on the autism spectrum work very hard to share their ideas and important experiences with others about autism as part of our world. There are plenty of examples of this: this is the new book by Carly Fleischman, and the biography of Temple Grandin and the funny comics “Dude, I’m an Aspie!”

3. Analyze your own behavior. Do you do anything strange when you are alone? Does it happen that you interrupt other people? Don't you have a habit of tapping your foot on the floor or your fingers on the table when you're nervous or bored? Each of us has self-stimulating or self-regulating behaviors. The repetitive behavior in autism may get more attention, it may be much more intense or stereotyped, but the essence is the same. And we all make social mistakes from time to time and are unwittingly rude or annoying. Everyone breaks the unwritten social rules from time to time.

4. Think of an apology. As Muslims, our family follows the "make up an apology" rule (or at least they should). Some people complain that autistic people are rude or annoying, but if we know that the person is autistic (and even if we don't), we should "think of excuses" for their actions before getting offended and ignoring the other person. Someone may seem impolite, for example, as John Elder Robinson describes in his book Be Different, a person can change the TV channel even though there are other people in the room watching it. But is there malicious intent in such behavior? Or has the person really not noticed that other people are watching TV, or that they are even present in the room?

5. Give up pity. Pity involves speculation about the failures of others and a sense of one's own superiority due to one's own good fortune. One can feel sorry for someone who has suffered a sudden misfortune - the loss of a family member, cancer, the destruction of a house during a natural disaster. These are sudden events that we have no control over. Pitying a person just because their mind or body has evolved differently than yours means that you consider that person helpless and that you ignore their attempts to use their existing abilities and strengths to control their life as much as possible. Pity is the exact opposite of acceptance, give it up.

Five ways to show acceptance towards parents of autistic children

1. Stop using catastrophic language. This is dangerous. We can control how we react and how we communicate with parents, and the media bears the lion's share of the responsibility for this. Do not escalate the situation, do not say that you are sorry, because despair has a dangerous effect on parents, because of such views, children were killed!

2. Stay close. This is the most reliable way to help. If parents suffer from stress or chronic fatigue, listen to them. Offer them ready meals, washing dishes, babysitting. And at the same time, do not forget about point 1.

3. Do not judge or give "good advice". "I've been reading about diet/theory/research/treatment", "Have you heard that Jenny McCarthy...", "I'm sure he'll outgrow it", "You need to be more consistent." You want the best, we understand that, but we've heard it all before, it's just another media hysteria, just another legacy of accusations against parents. I have learned to ask questions rather than offer advice or opinions about things I don't know: "What therapies are you planning to try?" Tell me what will happen! or simply “I would like to offer you some solution. If you want to talk, then let me know, at least I will always listen.

4. Invite them. That party that is sure to be too intense for their special child? Invite them anyway. Make it clear you're really looking forward to them, ask early in the planning stage, and work with parents (and your child, if possible) to make your party more accessible, sensory-friendly, safe, relaxed, and welcoming.