How to become the favorite child
10 Ways To Become Your Parent's Favourite Child
Studies show that it’s not just Asian mums who prefer their sons to their daughters. (Photo: Pixabay)Use Reason, Not Force
Parents often give well-meaning advice out of concern. Don’t resent this. Just assure them that you are wise enough to make your own decisions. “Reasoning often works but always speak to your parents in private if you disagree with anything. This way, you’re honouring them by not embarrassing them in front of others, and it reduces the need for them to show that they are in full control,” says Esther Ng, director of My Space Psychotherapy Services.
Don’t Lie To Them
Sometimes the telling the truth hurts. But it’s worse when your parents find out that you’ve lied to them. They’ll have faith in you if you’re always upfront with them.
Obey Them
The saying “Mum (or Dad) knows best” is usually true, so do what they say within reason. By obeying them, you’re showing that you respect and value their decisions. If you choose to disobey them, reassure them that you have considered their feelings and values.Listen To Them Patiently
Yes, your dad is repeating that same story that happened eons ago for the 100th And mum is rehashing old gossips you’ve heard many times. “Take the time to reminisce with them. Encourage them to recount their stories from their youth and how they overcame obstacles,” says Samantha Chin, content specialist at Focus on the Family Singapore.
Use Your Kids As Baits
Grandparents naturally dote on their grandchildren. So let your kids spend as much time as they can with your parents. “The relationship between grandparents and their grandchildren is a natural bridge to any situation,” says Esther.
Be Attentive To Their Needs
As your parents, they still want to protect you no matter how old you are – that’s why they prefer solving problems on their own instead of asking for your help.
Be attuned to their needs, whether it’s taking them to the doctor when they’re ill or surprising them with dinner when they seem tired to cook. In other words, be indispensable.
Show Your Appreciation
Always reaffirm your feelings for your parents and your gratitude for all that they’ve done for you. “Appreciate them for their past work, skills, strengths, and thank them for doing a good job for making you who you are. Don’t be shy to keep saying how much you love and miss them,” says Chang-Goh Song Eng, head of Reach Counselling.
Know Them Inside Out
Take note of their idiosyncrasies, likes and dislikes. For example, if they like to read certain sections of the newspaper first, pore over the other pages first. Give and take will endear you to them, even if you have little in common.
Do What They Love
Whether it’s playing chess, photography or gardening, your parents will appreciate your efforts in wanting to spend time with them.
“Quality time is one of the love languages. But it is more effective and meaningful if done one-to-one. A good two to three hours every fortnight is better than a family gathering once a week,” says Esther.
Celebrate Their Achievements
Try to celebrate all their special occasions. At least call and say you’re thinking of them on their special day. No achievement should be too insignificant – even if it’s finally setting up their own Facebook account. They were there for your milestones, so do the same for them.
Text: Azlinda Said, Simply Her, February 2016 / Additional reporting: Sylvia Ong
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How to Become Your Parents’ Favorite Child – THE TALON
Because every parent has one, even if they say they don’t.
Katherine Ray, Staff Writer|November 8, 2019
This article needs no introduction. Follow these 5 tips if you are feeling on the outs. Even only-children aren’t safe.
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Be smart
~This tip is a pretty obvious one. In general, smarter people tend to be more successful and are able to support their parents in the future. As my father states, “children are an investment” and just like stocks, you put more resources into the one that is doing better. Bailey Hillen attributes her success in becoming the favorite to her superior intelligence, stating that her brother “has a life coach to spoon feed him high school”.
“
My brother has a life coach to spoon-feed him highschool”
— Bailey Hillen
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Don’t have a contradicting opinion
~“Go with the flow” is the savvy advice that Mason Leath offers. Although he definitely doesn’t consider himself to be the favorite, he has learned that accepting what life (or a parent) throws at you will make being the second favorite much more bearable for everyone involved.
Agree unwaveringly with everything that your parents say, or risk being deemed “disrespectful”, but don’t agree too much, which leads me to my third point… -
Love your parents the perfect amount
~This piece of advice is a tricky line to walk. If you constantly dote on your parents, you might come across as needy and annoying. People always want what they can’t have, so naturally giving too much affection won’t leave them wanting more. On the other hand, loving them not enough will grant you the title of “ungrateful”. Your affection should be present but not prominent.
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Be absent unless they tell you to be there
~Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and this is true with families. Rosie Booker divulges that the reason her parents love her more is because she’s “never at home unless I have to be”. Conversely, her brother is always at home playing video games. This will of course vary for each family, but getting out of the house not only shows your parents that you are “productive”, but it will make them miss you more.
Also they can’t ask you to do stuff if you aren’t there to hear it. -
Give up
~When all else fails (because it probably will), it will be best for your sanity to just give up. Sometimes your parents just don’t like you. Maybe it’s because you’re ugly. Maybe it’s because you remind them of everything that they could have been. Either way, it’s time to count your losses and wait out the rest of your time with them. If you’re feeling especially adventurous, I would recommend turning the tables on them. Become cold and aloof. Withdraw your affection in order to make them vie for it. Make it clear that your love is conditional. Enjoy.
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10 ways to become closer to a child - Psychology
Children
For many parents, relationships with children become the same spring from which mom and dad draw drops of fertile moisture every day. But if the spring is not replenished from time to time, it will simply dry up very soon.
For many parents, relationships with children become the same spring from which mom and dad draw drops of fertile moisture every day. But if the spring is not replenished from time to time, it will simply dry up very soon.
Ekaterina Alekseeva
October 31, 2013 16:40
How to enrich the spring of relationships with children?
How to enrich the spring of relationships with children? And how to get closer to your child?
Method #1
Get closer…to yourself. “Who am I?”, “Where am I going?”, “Why am I going there?”, “How can I become cleaner and better?”, “What makes me truly happy?” etc. - questions that (with very honest answers) will allow you to better understand yourself and take a step towards the child.
Method #2
See every difficult situation with your child as another opportunity to strengthen your relationship. A child is not a problem, it is always a chance.
Method No. 3
Increase your child's level of trust in you in every possible way. Deposits to a trust bank account bring the highest interest.
Method #4
Realize that your child is your… main teacher. Children teach different lessons to each of us at different periods of life. But there is one most important lesson taught by children, and that is patience. Take a look at the situation. What else, besides patience, can you learn in your relationship with your child?
Method No. 5
Make time for your child. Especially when it's not there at all. Because if you are so wrapped up that there is no time to even think about a child, now is the time to ... stop. Give your child (and yourself!) a breath of psychological oxygen. Spend time with him. And when you are with a child, think only about him.
Method #6
Believe in your child. Even when he is soundly lying.
Because if you lose faith in your child, what will become of him? Faith can work miracles. There are no exceptions to this rule.
Method no. 7
Love your child. To love means to act, it means to bring love from the level of your knowledge to the level of action. Your child probably knows that you love him, but feels is he your love?
Method #8
Break the rules. Sometimes. The occasional pack of crisps allowed to a child, the opportunity to go to bed later than usual, or skip school once give life an incomparable flavor ... of freedom.
Method 9
Do not look at other children. Do not compare the behavior, academic performance, manners of your child with others. Only one child should always stand before your eyes - yours. Other children have other parents. Yours has only you. Don't betray him.
Method No. 10
Thank fate for having this child (children).
Thousands of people would be happy to endure all these unbearable antics of your son or the whims of your daughter, but they do not have children. You have this child (these children). So right now, go and warmly hug him (them).
Ekaterina Alekseeva,
instructor in harmonizing relationships with children
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How to show your child your love
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- 1-3 years
- 3-7 years old
- 7-12 years
- understanding
Every parent wants his child to grow up to be an educated and decent person.
We instill in the child the concepts of "good" and "bad", bring up respect for loved ones, care for the younger ones, compassion, then help them adapt to working in a team, learn how to build communication with peers. However, often, finding a common language with a child is much more difficult than learning to say a strict “no” to him. And yet, many psychologists argue that the main thing in raising a child is love, affection, care, attention and support. Often, finding a common language with a child is much more difficult than learning to say a strict “no” to him. What is the best way to show your child your love?
12 hugs a day
Young parents ask themselves questions: “Is it possible to hug a boy or will he grow up weak-willed because of this?”, “Is it necessary to kiss daughters more often than sons?”.
Everyone knows the famous phrase of the American psychologist Virginia Satir: “A child needs four hugs a day to survive; to make him feel good - eight; and in order for him to grow and develop as a person - 12.
Of course, this does not mean that you need to start a calendar and mark on it the daily number of hugs with a child. But it is worth remembering that every kid needs affection, even if he strives for independence from early childhood: he ties his shoelaces on sneakers for ten minutes and defiantly runs away when his mother tries to hug him in public. The main need of a child on a subconscious level is to feel loved.
The touch of the parents is just as important for the child as the support of the word. Remember yourself in childhood: when you were scared - you hid behind your parents, when you were upset - you needed a hug, when you were happy - you opened your arms wide and hugged your mother yourself, fervently looking into her eyes from the bottom up. And what did a father's encouraging pat on the shoulder mean to the boys? The child is then ready to move mountains!
To kiss or not to kiss: that is the question
A child can and should be hugged, kissed and praised! The love, attention, affection and care that you gave him in childhood are a kind of support in adulthood.
Belief in yourself and your strengths, a dignified attitude towards others and a realistic, positive perception of the world - this is not a complete list of qualities that you can bring up in your baby by hugging and supporting him.
Many parents of boys are faced with a cold expression of love from a child. In public, the son pushes away his mother and grandmother, who are reaching out to him, moves away, and turns his head away in displeasure if they try to kiss him. Your child is shy, but this does not mean at all that he does not need care, attention and affection. Do not show your love in public: you are raising a knight, not a princess! Gently hug your child by the shoulder at home, gently stroke his hair and kiss him on the cheek goodnight. The child will understand that he is loved. And later he realizes that even in childhood, his parents listened to his opinion, took into account his desires.
How not to spoil a child?
Love for a child must be wise: too much affection and tenderness will develop selfishness and kill the child's independence, an unloved child will grow up offended by the whole world, relying only on himself and not considering others.
How else can you show your love for a child so as not to spoil him with attention? Touch your hands, jokingly ruffle your baby's hair, hug your shoulders, gently stroke your head, pat your shoulder reassuringly. The baby needs your care and affection every day, but especially pay attention to the support of the child if he is very worried, tired, physically injured, ill, experienced stress and a sad event, frightened. It is important to pay attention to the child in the morning and in the evening before going to bed.
Ineffective types of parental love
Psychologists distinguish several types of "ugliness" of parental love: affectionate love, despotic and ransoming love.
We all love our children, believing that they are unique in everything: in the first smiles, nipple throwing, timid steps. This is true, because every person is individual from birth. But, believe me, the neighbor's children also smile when dad makes them laugh, and funny fall when they learn to walk.
The instinctive love of parents for children, sincere joy for every movement of the baby, the unreasonable elevation of a small copy of parents to the rank of saints - this is what young parents should be afraid of.
A child raised in a spirit of tenderness does not know the word “no”, he grows up in permissiveness and believes that he is unconditionally the best in everything. Whims, a painful perception of failure and irresponsibility will become the main character traits of such a child. Constant tenderness will not bring up responsibility for the family, a businesslike approach to work and care for parents.
Another extreme is the despotism of parents: the child studies well, cleans his room, goes to the store, helps in raising his younger brother, is not capricious and does not ask for too much, but still a formidable dad will find something to scold. Undoubtedly, parents have power over their child, and sometimes it is worth saying a firm “no”. But do not abuse this, otherwise there is a risk of depriving the child of the desire to be good and loved.
Praise, caress and tell your friends about his success in school! And then your kind and affectionate boy will not become a rude boy in his teens, he will appreciate and respect his parents.
The third kind of unreasonable love is more often inherent in fathers - the love of ransom. A dad on the weekend or a dad providing for the family, stingy with emotions and manifestations of love for his baby is a frequent occurrence in modern family relationships. Fathers should remember that for the full-fledged education of a person with a capital letter, it is not enough to provide him with beautiful clothes, a computer and a couple of tutors. Material well-being will never replace affection, love and paternal advice! If, with such behavior of the father, the mother does not give the child three times more affection, attention and care, the children will feel spiritual emptiness. Do not be surprised if by the age of 18 your son is not characterized by pity, compassion, romance and mercy.
