How should you discipline a child

What’s the Best Way to Discipline My Child?

Family Life

As a parent, one of your jobs to teach your child to behave. It's a job that takes time and patience. But, it helps to learn the effective and healthy discipline strategies.

Here are some tips from the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) on the best ways to help your child learn acceptable behavior as they grow.

10 healthy discipline strategies that work

The AAP recommends positive discipline strategies that effectively teach children to manage their behavior and keep them from harm while promoting healthy development. These include:

Show and tell. Teach children right from wrong with calm words and actions. Model behaviors you would like to see in your children.
Set limits. Have clear and consistent rules your children can follow. Be sure to explain these rules in age-appropriate terms they can understand.
Give consequences. Calmly and firmly explain the consequences if they don't behave. For example, tell her that if she does not pick up her toys, you will put them away for the rest of the day. Be prepared to follow through right away. Don't give in by giving them back after a few minutes. But remember, never take away something your child truly needs, such as a meal.
Hear them out. Listening is important. Let your child finish the story before helping solve the problem. Watch for times when misbehavior has a pattern, like if your child is feeling jealous. Talk with your child about this rather than just giving consequences.
Give them your attention. The most powerful tool for effective discipline is attention—to reinforce good behaviors and discourage others. Remember, all children want their parent's attention.
Catch them being good. Children need to know when they do something bad--and when they do something good. Notice good behavior and point it out, praising success and good tries. Be specific (for example, "Wow, you did a good job putting that toy away!").
Know when not to respond. As long as your child isn't doing something dangerous and gets plenty of attention for good behavior, ignoring bad behavior can be an effective way of stopping it. Ignoring bad behavior can also teach children natural consequences of their actions. For example, if your child keeps dropping her cookies on purpose, she will soon have no more cookies left to eat. If she throws and breaks her toy, she will not be able to play with it. It will not be long before she learns not to drop her cookies and to play carefully with her toys.
Be prepared for trouble. Plan ahead for situations when your child might have trouble behaving. Prepare them for upcoming activities and how you want them to behave.
Redirect bad behavior. Sometimes children misbehave because they are bored or don't know any better. Find something else for your child to do.
Call a time-out. A time-out can be especially useful when a specific rule is broken. This discipline tool works best by warning children they will get a time out if they don't stop, reminding them what they did wrong in as few words―and with as little emotion―as possible, and removing them from the situation for a pre-set length of time (1 minute per year of age is a good rule of thumb). With children who are at least 3 years old, you can try letting their children lead their own time-out instead of setting a timer. You can just say, "Go to time out and come back when you feel ready and in control." This strategy, which can help the child learn and practice self-management skills, also works well for older children and teens.

Spanking and harsh words are harmful and don't work. Here's why:

The AAP policy statement, "Effective Discipline to Raise Healthy Children," highlights why it's important to focus on teaching good behavior rather than punishing bad behavior. Research shows that spanking, slapping and other forms of physical punishment don't work well to correct a child's behavior. The same holds true for yelling at or shaming a child. Beyond being ineffective, harsh physical and verbal punishments can also damage a child's long-term physical and mental health.

Spanking's unhealthy cycle. The AAP advises that parents and caregivers should not spank or hit children. Instead of teaching responsibility and self-control, spanking often increases aggression and anger in children. A study of children born in 20 large U.S. cities found that families who used physical punishment got caught in a negative cycle: the more children were spanked, the more they later misbehaved, which prompted more spankings in response. Spanking's effects may also be felt beyond the parent-child relationship. Because it teaches that causing someone pain is OK if you're frustrated—even with those you love. Children who are spanked may be more likely to hit others when they don't get what they want.
Lasting marks. Physical punishment increases the risk of injury, especially in children under 18 months of age, and may leave other measurable marks on the brain and body. Children who are spanked show higher levels of hormones tied to toxic stress. Physical punishment may also affect brain development. One study found that young adults who were spanked repeatedly had less gray matter, the part of the brain involved with self-control, and performed lower on IQ tests as young adults than the control group.
Verbal abuse: How words hurt. Yelling at children and using words to cause emotional pain or shame also has been found to be ineffective and harmful. Harsh verbal discipline, even by parents who are otherwise warm and loving, can lead to more misbehavior and mental health problems in children. Research shows that harsh verbal discipline, which becomes more common as children get older, may lead to more behavior problems and symptoms of depression in teens.

Learn from mistakes—including your own

Remember that, as a parent, you can give yourself a time out if you feel out of control. Just make sure your child is in a safe place, and then give yourself a few minutes to take a few deep breaths, relax or call a friend. When you are feeling better, go back to your child, hug each other, and start over.

If you do not handle a situation well the first time, try not to worry about it. Think about what you could have done differently and try to do it the next time. If you feel you have made a real mistake in the heat of the moment, wait to cool down, apologize to your child, and explain how you will handle the situation in the future. Be sure to keep your promise. This gives your child a good model of how to recover from mistakes.

Healthy & effective discipline tips by age/stage

Infants	Babies learn by watching what you do, so set examples of behavior you expect. Use positive language to guide your baby. For example, say, "Time to sit," rather than, "Don't stand." Save the word, "no," for the most important issues, like safety. Limit the need to say "no" by putting dangerous or tempting objects out of reach. Distracting and replacing a dangerous or forbidden object with one that is okay to play with is a good strategy at this age. All children, including babies, need consistent discipline, so talk with your partner, family members, and child care provider to set basic rules everyone follows.
Toddlers	Your child is starting to recognize what's allowed and what isn't but may test some rules to see how you react. Pay attention to and praise behaviors you like and ignore those you want to discourage. Redirect to a different activity when needed. Tantrums can become more common as your child struggles to master new skills and situations. Anticipate tantrum triggers, like being tired or hungry, and help head them off with well-timed naps and meals. Teach your toddler not to hit, bite, or use other aggressive behaviors. Model nonviolent behavior by not spanking your toddler and by handling conflict with your partner in a constructive way. Stay consistent in enforcing limits. Try short time-outs if needed. Acknowledge conflicts between siblings but avoid taking sides. For example, if an argument arises about a toy, the toy can be put away.
Preschool Age	Preschool-age children are still trying to understand how and why things work and what effect their actions have. As they learn appropriate behavior, expect them to continue testing the limits of parents and siblings. Begin assigning age-appropriate chores, like putting their toys away. Give simple, step-by-step directions. Reward them with praise. Allow your child to make choices among acceptable alternatives, redirecting and setting sensible limits. Teach your child to treat others as she wants to be treated. Explain that it's OK to feel mad sometimes, but not to hurt someone or break things. Teach them how to deal with angry feelings in positive ways, like talking about it. To resolve conflicts, use time-outs or remove the source of conflict.
Gradeschool-Age Children	Your child is beginning to get a sense of right and wrong. Talk about the choices they have in difficult situations, what are the good and bad options, and what might come next depending on how they decide to act. Talk about family expectations and reasonable consequences for not following family rules. Provide a balance of privileges and responsibility, giving children more privileges when they follow rules of good behavior. Continue to teach and model patience, concern and respect for others. Don't let yourself or others use physical punishment. If you live in an area where corporal punishment is allowed in schools, you have the right to say that your child may not be spanked.
Adolescents & Teens	As your teen develops more independent decision-making skills, you'll need to balance your unconditional love and support with clear expectations, rules, and boundaries. Continue to show plenty of affection and attention. Make time every day to talk. Young people are more likely to make healthy choices if they stay connected with family members. Get to know your teen's friends and talk about responsible and respectful relationships. Acknowledge your teen's efforts, achievements, and success in what they do―and don't do. Praise the choice to avoid using tobacco, e-cigarettes, alcohol, or other drugs. Set a good example through your own responsible use of alcohol and other substances.

More information

15 Tips to Survive the Terrible 3's
How to Shape and Manage Your Young Child's Behavior
Disciplining Older Children
How to Give a Time-Out
Effective Discipline to Raise Healthy Children (AAP Policy Statement)

Last Updated: 11/5/2018

Source: American Academy of Pediatrics (Copyright © 2018)

The information contained on this Web site should not be used as a substitute for the medical care and advice of your pediatrician. There may be variations in treatment that your pediatrician may recommend based on individual facts and circumstances.

How to discipline your child the smart and healthy way

There comes a time when every parent struggles with how best to discipline their child. Whether dealing with a screaming toddler or an angry teen, it can be hard to control your temper. No parent wants to find themselves in such a situation and the bottom line is that shouting and physical violence never help.

Thankfully, there are other, more effective ways and one of them is positive discipline. We consulted Lucie Cluver, Oxford University professor of Child and Family Social Work and mother of two young boys, to explore how the approach can help parents build positive relationships with their children and teach skills like responsibility, cooperation and self-discipline.

There are no bad children, only bad behaviour.

Why positive discipline?

“Parents don't want to shout or hit their kids. We do it because we're stressed and don't see another way,” says Professor Cluver.

The evidence is clear: shouting and hitting simply do not work and can do more harm than good in the long run. Repeated shouting and hitting can even adversely impact a child’s entire life. The continued “toxic stress” it creates can lead to a host of negative outcomes like higher chances of school dropout, depression, drug use, suicide and heart disease.

“It’s like saying: here's this medicine, it's not going to help you and it's going to make you sick,” says Professor Cluver. “When we know something doesn't work, that's a pretty good reason to look for a different approach.”

Rather than punishment and what not to do, the positive discipline approach puts an emphasis on developing a healthy relationship with your child and setting expectations around behaviour. The good news for every parent is it works and here’s how you can start putting it into practice:

1. Plan 1-on-1 time

One-on-one time is important for building any good relationship and even more so with your children. “It can be 20 minutes a day. Or even 5 minutes. You can combine it with something like washing dishes together while you sing a song or chatting while you're hanging out the washing,” says Professor Cluver. “What's really important is that you focus on your child. So, you turn your TV off, you turn your phone off, you get to their level and it's you and them.”

2. Praise the positives

As parents we often focus on our children’s bad behaviour and call it out. Children may read this as a way to get your attention, perpetuating poor conduct rather than putting a stop to it.

Children thrive on praise. It makes them feel loved and special. “Watch out for when they're doing something good and praise them, even if that thing is just playing for five minutes with their sibling,” recommends Professor Cluver. “This can encourage good behaviour and reduce the need for discipline.”

3. Set clear expectations

“Telling your child exactly what you want them to do is much more effective than telling them what not to do,” says Professor Cluver. “When you ask a child to not make a mess, or to be good, they don't necessarily understand what they're required to do.” Clear instructions like “Please pick up all of your toys and put them in the box” set a clear expectation and increase the likelihood that they'll do what you’re asking.

“But it's important to set realistic expectations. Asking them to stay quiet for a whole day may not be as manageable as asking for 10 minutes of quiet time while you have a phone call,” says Professor Cluver. “You know what your child is capable of. But if you ask for the impossible, they are going to fail.”

4. Distract creatively

When your child is being difficult, distracting them with a more positive activity can be a useful strategy says Professor Cluver. “When you distract them towards something else – by changing the topic, introducing a game, leading them into another room, or going for a walk, you can successfully divert their energy towards positive behaviour.”

Timing is also crucial. Distraction is also about spotting when things are about to go wrong and taking action. Being mindful of when your child is starting to become fidgety, irritable or annoyed, or when two siblings are eyeing the same toy, can help diffuse a potential situation before it becomes one.

5. Use calm consequences

Part of growing up is learning that if you do something, something can happen as a result. Defining this for your child is a simple process that encourages better behaviour while teaching them about responsibility.

Give your child a chance to do the right thing by explaining the consequences of their bad behaviour. As an example, if you want your child to stop scribbling on the walls, you can tell them to stop or else you will end their play time. This provides them with a warning and an opportunity to change their behaviour.

If they don’t stop, follow through with the consequences calmly and without showing anger, “and give yourself credit for that – it’s not easy!” adds Professor Cluver.

If they do stop, give them lots of praise for it, recommends Professor Cluver. “What you are doing is creating a positive feedback loop for your child. Calm consequences have been shown to be effective for kids to learn about what happens when they behave badly.”

Being consistent is a key factor in positive parenting, which is why following through with the consequences is important. And so is making them realistic. “You can take a teenager's phone away for an hour but taking it away for a week might be difficult to follow through on.”

Engaging with younger children

One-on-one time can be fun – and it’s completely free! “You can copy their expressions, bang spoons against pots, or sing together,” adds Professor Cluver. “There’s amazing research showing that playing with your children boosts their brain development.”

Engaging with older children

Like younger children, teenagers seek praise and want to be thought of as good. One-on-one time is still important to them. “They love it if you dance around the room with them or engage in a conversation about their favourite singer,” says Professor Cluver. “They may not always show it, but they do. And, it's an effective way of building a relationship on their terms.”

While setting expectations, “ask them to help make some of the rules,” suggests Professor Cluver. “Sit them down and try to agree on the household dos and don'ts. They can also help decide what the consequences for unacceptable behaviour will be. Being involved in the process helps them know that you understand they're becoming their own independent beings.”

Advice for parents during the COVID-19 pandemic

The pandemic has brought about sudden and drastic changes in the lives of families with parents directly in the middle of it. Here are some tips that can help parents get through these and any other stressful times:

1. Pause

We all know the stress when we feel our child is being difficult. At moments like these, being present and stepping back is a simple and useful tactic. Hit the “pause button”, as Professor Cluver calls it. “Take five deep breaths, slowly and carefully and you'll notice you are able to respond in a calmer, more considered way. Parents across the world say that just taking that pause is enormously helpful.”

2. Step back

Parents often forget to care for themselves, says Professor Cluver. “Take some time for yourself, such as when the kids are asleep, to do something that makes you feel happy and calm. It's really hard to do all the things right as a parent, when you haven't given yourself a break.”

3. Praise yourself

It’s easy to forget the astonishing job you do as a parent every day and you should give yourself the credit, advises Professor Cluver. “Each day, maybe while brushing your teeth, take a moment to ask: ‘What was one thing I did really well with my kids today?’ And, just know that you did something great.”

“We might be in and out of isolation, but you are absolutely not alone,” she says. “Millions of parents across the world are all trying and we're all failing sometimes. And then we're trying again. We’ll survive this together.”

> Explore more COVID-19 parenting tips

How to properly punish a child: 10 important rules

One of the eternal questions of parents, a cause for anxiety and worry, heated discussions and disputes - should children be punished or not? And if yes, then how to do it right, so as not to harm the unstable child's psyche? And if you do not punish, then where is the guarantee that the child will not grow up as a spoiled egoist, ready at any moment to sit on the neck of kind-hearted parents and turn into a real tormentor? About this "Oh!" said family psychotherapist and clinical psychologist Maria Merolaeva.

Maria Merolaeva, clinical psychologist, family psychotherapist

Some parents believe that a child is a source of sins and vices, it is necessary to punish him, using physical force, not sparing, otherwise nothing good will grow out of him. As a rule, they defend their position by saying that “we were beaten in childhood, and we grew up to be good people”, citing as an example those who grew up “not very”, which means, most likely, “they beat us a little”. The meaning of such a model of education is to subordinate the will of the child to himself, "so that he does not do stupid things."

The other extreme is to avoid any punishment, justifying it by saying that the child is “small, he just doesn’t understand what he is doing, he doesn’t do it on purpose, you just need to be able to negotiate with him” and so on. Thus, parents, without noticing it themselves, remove responsibility from their child. This model has become widespread in connection with the growth of the "value of the child" and denies the very idea of \u200b\u200bthe family hierarchy.

In fact, neither the first nor the second option is allowed. It is impossible to use physical and moral violence (to threaten, not to talk, blackmail, shout) to a child in any case. Of course, there are cases when a parent, under the influence of emotions, loses control and can spank or raise his voice, but deliberately making a child suffer means not leaving him a chance to develop such feelings as compassion, regret, not giving him the opportunity to realize that he is important and expensive.

Most often, parents leave the child completely unpunished, who are afraid of offending him, harming him, perhaps giving in to children's tantrums and anger, trying by any means to minimize their manifestations, or in the case of pedagogical neglect, when there is simply no strength to educate and it is easier to be allowed to do whatever you want than to try to change the behavior of the baby.

To figure out how to punish a child in a way that makes sense, you need to understand what punishment is, what is its purpose? What do we as parents want to achieve by punishing our children?

Etymologically, the word "punishment" comes from the verb "to show" - that is, to instruct, show. Then it is logical that "punishment" is something that we use to direct the child on the right path, to outline for him the boundaries of what is permitted. As a rule, when punishing, we want the best for our children - so that they understand what is good and what is bad, grow up as "real", "worthy" people, do not make irreparable mistakes in their lives, become better than us.

Then the next question is: what should be the punishment for the child to really realize that he did wrong, learn from what happened and learn from the experience? Will we achieve these lofty goals by raising a child with the help of carrots and sticks? Of course not. The only thing we can teach with such methods is to be afraid of punishments and parents, to try to earn encouragement, rewards - and all this without really thinking about what happened.

In order for punishment to be useful, and not just a way to relieve an upset, tired, helpless parent, the following rules must be observed:

The main rule stems from the basic need that every child has - the need for affection. A parent for a child is, first of all, a source of protection, children need the care of a strong and responsible adult who is a priori higher and dominates, but not in order to subjugate and oppress, but in order to help and protect. When a secure attachment is formed, a very close bond is established between the child and the parent, which greatly simplifies the interaction and makes the baby obedient. When punishing a child, it is important to maintain a respectful attitude towards him.
In order for the lesson to be learned, the child, first of all, must understand, realize what he is wrong about, feel the consequences of his misconduct. And these consequences are not the belt or the cry of an angry parent, not the deprivation of sweets or the prohibition to leave the house. It is something that follows directly from what has been done. For example, if you were late home and didn’t call, it means that you don’t know how to plan your time and it’s too early for you to go out in the evenings with friends. You scream and cry on the playground or in the store - I'm very sorry, but it spoils my mood so much that now I don't want to continue the walk anymore and we will have to return home. If you didn’t do your homework on time, then you have to do it before going to bed instead of a cartoon or evening reading. If you offended someone and did not apologize, then they will no longer want to play with you. The essence of this method is that for every action the child receives a response from life itself. This helps him gain an orientation in how the world works. It is this tactic that teaches children to anticipate the consequences of their actions in the future, to feel regret for what turned out badly.
Under no circumstances should a child have doubts that his parents love him for who he is. He must understand that he will be accepted regardless of his actions. That is why when punishing, it is important to focus on the offense, and not on the personality characteristics of the child. If, for example, a kid, while playing with food, spills soup, you should not tell him that he is a "blunder" - just explain why his act is bad and offer him a cleaning rag to consolidate the experience gained.
When punishing a child, focus on staying in an adult position. If at the moment of a conversation with a child the parent feels irritation or despair, this means that he has been knocked out of the position of an adult. This often happens when children's tears, whims and tantrums awaken the inner child in us - then we become helpless. In this case, you should ask yourself the question "How old am I now?", step aside, cool down a bit and only after that return to the conversation. For example, in a situation where a child refuses to turn off the TV, but a large number of cartoons is definitely not good for him, a mother from an adult position can say this: “I'm sorry, but I can't let you watch the second cartoon, because if you watch two in a row, then you have a tantrum, and everyone’s mood deteriorates. ”
Be consistent, consistent and predictable in your demands and reactions. This means that within the family there must be some unified concept of what is possible, what is not, what is good and what is bad. The child must be initiated into the nuances of this concept and firmly know what he can be punished for. At the same time, the way the parents react should not depend on the mood, the weather outside the window and the time of year. For example, if a mother in a good mood asks a child to turn off the TV, and he starts to act up and does not turn it off, she, smiling, allows him to continue. But in the same situation, if the mother is in a bad mood, she starts to quarrel, scream and most likely punish the baby. In this state of affairs, the child is simply not able to learn what he can and cannot do.
It is very important to use so-called "temporary" language, rather than permanent language, when talking to a child about bad behavior. For example, “You just broke a toy, now you have to play without it for a while” instead of saying “You always break everything! I will never buy you toys again. ” Using words such as “never, never, to anyone,” you risk not fulfilling this promise and losing trust.
Punishment must be age-appropriate. It is useless to try to explain something and give lectures to a two-year-old kid, because he is simply not able to learn what you are telling him about and cannot concentrate voluntary attention for more than five minutes. In the same way, it does not make sense as a punishment to forbid a teenager to eat sweets.
Punishment must be just and proportionate to the seriousness of the act.
In no case should you frighten and intimidate a child - this is a sure way to teach him to lie and get out.
Always, under any circumstances, remember the greatest value that we have - the emotional connection with the child. After all, if you think about it, it becomes obvious that not a single spoiled sofa or a bad mark at school, an extra 30 minutes at the computer or a lost phone is worth breaking this connection, darkening the image of the inner parent that each of us hears somewhere in soul when it needs protection, support, love and acceptance.

See also:

If parents are perfectionists: 6 traumas from childhood psychologydevelopmenteducationuseful tips

7 ways to punish a child

Imagine this picture. You come home tired after a long day at work. Traditionally, you look around. The child is intact, all the furniture is in place, the flowers are in pots, you can exhale ... And then your Barsik comes out to meet you, crookedly trimmed like a lion. And in the back is a contented young hairdresser.

What to do? Shout, spank, put in a corner? What if you want to do everything at once? Take your time. Calm down using the methods we wrote about earlier and read this article.

We remembered the most common types of punishment and added to each item the opinions “for” and “against” parents from various forums and social network pages.

1. Use force.
Very many parents argue for hours on thematic forums about whether or not to use physical force as a method of education. Some are categorically against it and are ready to defend this position with foam at the mouth, others believe that nothing will come of a few slaps, others say that you can’t educate without a belt.

FOR:

“People must not be beaten, neither big nor small. But if a person has a tantrum, then they stop him with a slap in the face, right? Yes, in the vast majority of cases (in my opinion) the physical "punishment" of a child is a sign of the helplessness of parents and a pedagogical "fiasco". But there are cases when a child can be brought to life only with a slap on the pope? (while remaining calm internally and, oddly enough, based on parental love).

“It's one thing to 'hit' children and quite another to 'slap on the ass'. At the age of one, no one punished anyone, but now my son is 2.5 years old and sometimes he earns slaps on the pope. Both me and my sister were slapped on the buttocks in childhood, and once I even pulled out my belt (for the cause, I remember myself). They grew up as ordinary, well-mannered and people-loving girls. My husband was beaten up thoroughly in childhood, he also seemed to be well-mannered, but there is anger at his parents. Maybe send (heard once :((((
Thus, my conclusion boils down to the fact that occasional slaps on the bottom (on business) are sometimes simply irreplaceable. And they have nothing to do with the concept of "beating", "beating" a child.
I also like a way of calming down - once with a strap to slap, and then only to scare them, they say, now I’ll take the belt…”.

AGAINST:

“I was beaten as a child for all sorts of nonsense. Well what can I say? Let them not be surprised that I rarely call, I come even less often, and what should we talk about?
And in fact, it’s not the beating, but the parents’ unwillingness to understand their child (in my case). Of course, I worry about them and hope that everything is fine with them, but I have zero support from them. ”

“I don’t understand and don’t accept slaps on the bottom and other punishments. Our parents never touched us with a finger, everything went in an educational conversation. I have never hit my child or put it in a corner either. Think for yourself when you say the word DO NOT! what does this mean for the child? He doesn't understand that it's impossible, does he? why not? I let my child try everything. So that he understands my words. Want to touch a hot kettle? - let me touch it with your finger, let him understand that it’s impossible, it means dangerous. Let him take scissors and, under your supervision, cut the paper, sew with a needle, prick himself. So that the word cannot be an empty sound. Let him soil his clothes on the street, jump in a puddle, enjoy (you need to have clothes for the street that you can carry in the mud) This is childhood and you need to learn and try everything. My child spills a mug every day. What should I do? but doesn't it happen to you? no mood, broken dishes, don't want to swim today. After all, no one hits you in the ass. You want the child to be and behave according to your model, which you have made in your head. And a child is a personality in the first place, and this must be taken into account.

_{5 SITUATIONS WHEN YOU REALLY SHOULD NOT PUNISH A CHILD}

2. Screaming.
Is it possible or impossible to yell at a child? Multi-page forums are full of topics: "I'm yelling at a child: what should I do?!" Here, opinions differ a little less than on the issue of spanking, most parents are against screaming, but then they themselves become ashamed of intemperance. That is why these topics appear on the forums.

FOR:

“That happens sometimes. You tell him one, two, three, four times - as if into a void, zero reaction, then how you bark ... And everything comes right away !!!

“I also yell sometimes, I can’t help myself. Especially when you have to repeat it for the hundredth time - and you took your hat, but then you put it down, but you did it. And nothing, or yes, yes, and then everything is forgotten, yelling ... Of course, not good, but how it helps. The main thing is not to share, so as not to get used to yelling.

Vs:

“(Parents) yell out of impotence when they cannot or do not know how to behave. Further - for the daughter, this is an example of how to behave, and she will hysteria in response. Children are a mirror image of their parents, they are very attentive and far from stupid. Ideally, one glance should be enough for the parent to understand that the child is upset by his behavior.

“Will you put yourself in the place of a child? or imagine that you are already a lady in age, and your already adult daughter, due to various problems, fatigue, yells at her already elderly mother?
how will you feel?”.

_{DO SCARY TOYS HARM CHILDREN}

3. Intimidate.
We all know sayings in the spirit of "if you don't obey, I'll give it to Baba Yaga. " And again: “Everything! Now I will throw away all your toys!”. Both promises are unfulfilled, the child, after the first unfulfilled word, may stop taking you seriously. But many people think it helps. And they hope that Baba Yaga will really take the naughty child at least for a couple of hours.

FOR:

“My children are phone addicts, so if they try to make a fuss, I say that if it happens again, I will take the phone away and not give it back. Children very quickly accept the rules of the game.

“My daughter has a sweet tooth. It is worth telling her that I myself will eat all the sweets (of course I won’t eat it, we have a lot of it), as soon as - mommy mommy, I won’t do it anymore. Works flawlessly."

AGAINST:

“Intimidation by no one knows what is a dubious option, it is not known how it will affect the child. Well, for example, he meets an old woman on the street and thinks this is the same Baba Yaga, stress.
Well, if you scare, although it is better to threaten, with something specific, so that there is no flight of fancy that will lead you nowhere.”

“Most often, fear is caused by incorrect tactics of education, it arises as a result of various kinds of intimidation. For example: “you behave badly, aunt doctor will give an injection” or “I’ll give it to my uncle policeman” or “if you don’t obey, the dog will drag you away”, etc. And then the harmless Sharik, who influences with his tail, runs up to the baby, becomes a super-strong irritant, and a doctor who comes to a sick child terrifies him.”

4. Deprive something.

Taking away a favorite toy, banning sweets or a tablet, not letting them go to the movies - these are the things parents often do in response to a child's antics. Seems pretty logical. He made us bad - here we are bad for you, an eye for an eye, a phone - for a service broken by a ball.

FOR:

“We punish our child like this: we take away all the cars with which he plays. If he is very guilty of something, then he is left without toys for two or three days. We also put it in a corner, thank God that I began to understand what it is and why they put it there.”

“It is best to deprive a child of something. For example, if he tears books, spoils toys - pick up and not give back for a long time. If an older child began to study poorly due to too frequent hanging out on the Internet, remove the tablet, phone. Depriving sweets, cartoons, walks is sometimes pointless, because there are children who will say that they don’t really need it. I judge by myself and my child.”

AGAINST:

“You can't treat all children with the same brush. I have two children and I have to apply my own method to each. If the eldest son has always been affected by isolation and deprivation of any benefits and pleasures, then the younger child is very stubborn and this does not affect him, it helps to express his disappointment with such behavior and talk about the inadmissibility of such behavior.

“It's wrong to take your favorite. And if your phone was taken away at work for going out to answer the call, you probably wouldn’t like it. There should be a punishment such as an act. If you broke it - clean it up, shouted - apologize and you can always agree, not take it away.

5. Organize a boycott.
Why shout or fight when you can just keep quiet? Let the child himself understand what is the matter, while the mother silently goes about her business. Quiet mother, quiet child, peace and quiet...

FOR:

“But my parents punished me with complete disregard: it came quickly - I realized how nasty I acted, that they don’t even want to talk to me, they don’t even want to look in my direction. Hitting and shouting is useless, I generally consider the corner stupid and pointless. I stop talking with my children, the effect comes faster - they themselves come up, voice their act and behave differently. It is necessary that the child himself analyze his behavior and understand what he is wrong about.

“I did not punish children. But she herself was very upset and fell silent. Both my daughter and son were very worried that I was silent and began to ask me why I looked so sad and why I was silent. It was then that I explained to them the reason for my sadness, they themselves asked for forgiveness, we reconciled and our differences were extinguished by hugs.

AGAINST:

“In my opinion, it would be much better to discuss with the child the reason for your dissatisfaction, explain why his act is not good and why it is not worth doing this in the future. Ignoring the baby and not talking to him is really not very good. Firstly, the child may not understand why the mother was offended by him. Secondly, he will get used to "hushing up" problems, and in the future this will not bring anything good.

“A child is not a telepath to understand why his mother harbored a grudge, especially a baby. This will put pressure on him, but he may not guess or not want to ask. As a result, half an hour of silence and frustrated mom and baby, who needs this?

_{WHEN IT IS POSSIBLE TO LET THE CHILDREN GO OUT UNATTENDED}

6. Put in a corner.
Another topic under discussion - is it possible to put in a corner? Some say that it is possible, they put them in, they put their children in, and they will put theirs in. There is nothing better than a time-tested remedy. Others say that their children do not stand in the corners and in general negative energy accumulates there. Who is right is up to you.

FOR:

“The best method of punishment, according to our doctor, is the good old Corner. For hooliganism, refusal to obey, unreasonable whims that did not stop after the first (!) warning, you need to take the child by the hand, look into his eyes, briefly and clearly say what he is being punished for, and take him to an empty corner, better even in another room , and forbid them to leave him (if he leaves without asking, return them)".

“My daughter, 1.5 years old, stood at the computer and demanded to turn on the cartoon. started whining (not crying), freaking out, stomping I wasn't going to turn it on and said "no". took me to a corner, said that as soon as she stopped being naughty, she would be able to leave. and not a minute passed like a child and forgot about his hysteria. now he starts to command, do you want me in a corner? the baby becomes obedient immediately. True, I don’t often threaten with a corner, so that we don’t become like a joke. ”

AGAINST:

“As far as I remember I was little and I was put in a corner, but the thing is that I don’t remember what I was thinking, but as a rule I didn’t feel guilty, apparently because my mother I didn’t spend a lot of time explaining, I just set it and that’s it. She also put her eldest son, a little one, in a corner “to think about his behavior”, learning from parental mistakes, she spent time explaining the reason for the punishment. My son usually “thought” there lying down, sitting, and it’s also not clear what:)”.

“Not everyone can be put in a corner. My brother was standing, but I wasn’t, I just went out and started doing some other things. I could either be asked not to do / do something, or clearly explain why such requirements were made to me. Usually after that I easily went to an agreement. I never put my daughter in the corners, but if the child got really naughty, I took her to another room, sat next to her and analyzed in detail what exactly seemed wrong to me in her behavior, then offered to sit and think what was the reason and how avoid mistakes."

7. Make you work hard.

Another common type of punishment is labor. Most often - housework. “Now you’ll be washing dishes for three weeks!” And they unloaded themselves, and the child was punished, and the dishes will be clean. The truth may not be very whole, if your bastard gets tired of it all.

FOR:

“Hello, I think that the most important types of punishment are labor and deprivation of some pleasures. Labor always helps a child to improve, and who ennobles labor for a husband, and will help to realize his actions.

“Now children have no labor discipline at all, they need to be taught somehow, at least like that. But the housework will be done and the child will work hard. If my son behaved badly, I would leave him at home with a computer for the weekend, and send him to his grandfather’s dacha to build a well.”

AGAINST:

“Once, with a fool, apparently, due to absenteeism at school, I forced the child to wash all the floors in the house. Well, of course, he washed his son, but since then he has been hostile to any request for help with cleaning. He also has his own duties around the house, but now the floors are just for absenteeism, apparently.

“No way!!! This is not a punishment, but you are one family and should distribute the work around the house, and not punish her. And will you wash the dishes only on holidays or what?”.

What else can you advise parents when punishing a child?

One crime - one punishment corresponding to the misdemeanor. Do not be cruel to petty offenses and do not let a child get away with serious offenses.
The child must know the rules of conduct. If you didn’t explain to him in advance what you can and cannot do, then this is more your fault than his fault.
Do not overtighten. The child quickly forgets what he did. Punishment should follow immediately after, and not in the evening, when you have time.
Be calm. If you constantly raise your voice, then the child will get used to it and stop perceiving it as a threat. And at the same time, he will adopt this type of behavior for himself.
Coordinate with spouse/relatives. If dad scolds and mom forgives, then the child will very quickly begin to manipulate the situation in his favor.
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