How long to co sleep with child

Co-Sleeping With Kids OK Until Child Is Prepubescent

Alicia Silverstone recently shared in a podcast that she and her 11-year-old son share a bed.
A pediatrician said co-sleeping should not happen before 12 months and should stop at prepuberty.
Co-sleeping can disrupt sleep for both children and parents.

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The actress Alicia Silverstone is known for her unconventional parenting style, but after sharing that she still sleeps with her 11-year-old son, Bear, on "The Ellen Fisher Podcast" this week, she received some harsh feedback. "That may be taking the whole co-sleeping thing a bit too far," one critic tweeted. Another chimed in: "How will he learn to be independent? She's not helping him."

But not everyone thought Silverstone's co-sleeping arrangement was concerning. One person applauded her choice, tweeting, "There's a lot of dysfunctional people walking around society right now ... maybe a little more love from parents might be the answer."

So is it appropriate for parents to share a bed with their child, and up to what age? Here's what a pediatrician and a child psychologist had to say.

Do what works for you and your family

"I have always told parents that sharing a bed with your child is a personal decision, not a medical decision," Dr. Rebecca Fisk, a pediatrician at Lenox Hill Hospital at Northwell Health in New York, told Insider. That being said, Fisk said that parents should never share a bed with a child under the age of 12 months because of an increased risk of death from SIDS and suffocation.

"We all come from different backgrounds and the rules, or parenting guidelines, vary greatly — it's what works for you and your family," said Elizabeth Matheis, a licensed clinical psychologist at Psychological and Educational Consulting, LLC, in Livingston, New Jersey. What's more, sharing a bed with your child can be comforting, especially during times of family transition, such as a divorce, Matheis said.

You can have a cohesive relationship with your child but have boundaries

Emotionally, it is comforting to be near someone who you feel safe with, said Matheis.

But because of varying sleep needs, co-sleeping can cause disruptive sleep for both the parent and the child, said Fisk. So if you are sharing a bed, make sure your child is functioning well during the day — if they're not well-rested, other options will provide them with that same sense of security, she said.

Parents can put a mattress on the floor of their room for a child to lay on until they get sleepy, then walk them to their own room, or sit at the edge of their bed until they fall asleep. That way, you're fostering your child's independence while being supportive. "You can have a cohesive relationship with your child but have boundaries," Fisk said.

Prepuberty is when co-sleeping should stop

Co-sleeping should stop when you start to see your child's body begin to transition in puberty, said Fisk. Prepubescence is the stage when sexual characteristics start to develop, like budding breasts and the growth of armpit hair.

"I wouldn't want a 14-year-old child sleeping in the bed with his or her mother or father. If you asked me to draw a line, I think it's at the prepubertal time," Fisk said.

Matheis agrees. "Adolescence, or the onset of puberty, may be a good time to transition to different beds," she said.

When a child reaches adolescence, they'll probably seek their own space anyway, naturally transitioning away from sharing a bed with a parent. But if your child is highly anxious and finds comfort in being near you, it's OK to set up a mattress in the same room, Matheis said.

At what age does sharing a bed with my child have any long-term impacts on their growth (physical and psychological)?

This is a tricky question, as many parents have differing views on what age is just right for transitioning their child to sleeping on their own. Continue reading to see what insights our readers had to offer.

Julia M. Chamberlain, Licensed Child Therapist, and Writer for Choosing Therapy. She is a licensed mental health counselor who began working with children in 2006 at the Children’s Friend Organization in Worcester, MA.

Table of Contents

Start the Transition by Age One

Co-sleeping with an infant can feel like the best way to keep the baby safe for many parents.

It is natural to feel that having your baby close to you is the best place for them. It also can feel daunting to explore all of the safety measures that relate to babies and toddlers about their sleep environment in efforts of preventing SIDS, suffocation, and other dangerous circumstances. Yet, some research suggests that co-sleeping can also carry risks and the AAP discourages co-sleeping, especially for children under 4 months of age.

This is in part due to concerns of suffocation as well as developing psychological issues such as depression, anxiety, and boundary issues as the baby matures. However, newer studies have suggested that babies who have co-slept with their parents during the newborn phase do not carry any additional risks of developing a mental health concern. However, by the age of one, a child should be transitioning into their own sleeping space to allow an emerging sense of self and foster independent, and solution-focused thinking long-term.

When we allow our children to share our space for too long, they run the risk of becoming codependent or enmeshed with parental figures. and this can damage their adjustment both short-term and long-term. If parents feel strongly that they wish to co-sleep with their baby, using a Moses basket in the bed between parents can be a safe alternative. Creating a plan for the child to transition to their own space by the age of one allows for the emergence of self-soothing and other solution-focused behaviors which are tied to well-adjusted adulthood.

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Teach Your Child Little by Little to Become Independent

Sharing a bed with your child can have a good impact since he can be attached with you more and he can be more secure and may sleep soundly beside you. When you reach the point where you think this is the time that you have to teach your son how to sleep in his own bed, consider it. Teach him little by little how to be independent especially if you are already working away from home.

Book a Free Sleep Assessment

Mo Mulla, Co-Founder of Parental Questions. He loves writing about his passions and hopes to change the world, one blog post at a time.

Eden Cheng, Founder of WeInvoice.

Stop Co-Sleeping with Your Baby at Age Two

Co-sleeping is often a common occurrence during the first two years of a baby’s life. This often involves either sharing a bed with the child or having their bed or crib in the same room. It is an essential method that is used by most parents to help kids feel less stressed at night. And while there is no question that there are numerous health benefits, it is always best to end co-sleeping by the end of age two at the latest. This is because the longer you wait to end the practice the more likely there will be long-term effects.

For one, it can often lead to your child suffering from a lack of self-soothing skills. This means that they will be unable to fall asleep on their own, which can often lead to an increased amount of stress and even risk of insomnia. Moreover, the child in question may end up having trouble forming relationships with other people in their adult life, because they ended up forming an extreme emotional attachment to their parents. It isn’t always the case, but it does happen, especially if the co-sleeping practice extends beyond the age of two.

Moreover, there is a chance that the child may end up with increased levels of anxiety and stress as they grow older and start to sleep on their own. Since they were so used to having someone to rely on when sleeping, once they start to transition to sleeping independently, they may start to struggle to calm themselves down, even as an adult.

There is also a chance that the child’s general development will be stunted as they get older and struggle to form their own identity. This is because while most children learn to independently develop their own identities, if the child continues to co-share the bed with their parent, that cannot happen.

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Let Your Child Sleep on Their Own by Age Five

Parents should introduce sleeping in their own spaces as early as five years old. This is when they are fully grown, and still young enough to get used to the norm of having their bed and space. While there are situations that require co-sleeping, such as the lack of a bed and rooms, co-sleeping can cause your child to be very dependent on you, which may prevent them from growing up and learning things on their own.

Co-sleeping beyond five years old, can increase the chances of a child developing unhealthy habits such as refusing to consider the value of privacy, and being too needy. Also, the general rule of thumb is that when kids start to enter school, they should be more exposed to being independent to allow them to discover how they want things to work out for themselves and not always rely on their parents. This is when they can figure out things, and practice making decisions as well.

Book a Free Sleep Assessment

Sherry Morgan, Founder of Petsolino.

Brandon Walsh, CEO at Dadsagree.com

Stop Bedsharing When Your Child Is One-Year-Old

Co-sleeping and bedsharing with your child are good for their safety and security, but this should stop very early in their age for their personal development and growth, both physical and psychological. Parents who share a bed or room with their children negatively affect the chances of their kid’s mental and physical well-being as they grow up.

Surveys and studies suggest that kids who sleep with their parents suffer from low self-esteem, high dependency, anxiety, low memory, and suffer from obesity as well. In the given scenario, I would suggest parents stop sleeping with kids when they reach one year of age, because this is the age when infants start to develop habits and their learning process starts to become more efficient. Sleeping with them after this age will make them develop a habit of depending on you for everything.

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This is a crowdsourced article. Contributors are not necessarily affiliated with this website and their statements do not necessarily reflect the opinion of this website, other people, businesses, or other contributors.

Not a month longer: psychologist explained until what age a child can sleep with mother families. "Doctor Peter" discussed with the expert all the pros and cons of such a family habit.

October 30, 2022

Source:: iStockphoto

Celebrity mothers introduce a new fashion - to sleep with their grown children in the same bed.

So, recently actress Christina Ricci admitted that her 8-year-old son Freddie sleeps with her in the same bed and this fact suits her perfectly. Another star, Alicia Silverstone, said that her 11-year-old son Bear also sleeps with her in the same bed: alone, he cries, screams and constantly wakes up. "I'm going to get in trouble if I say this, but I really don't care," she said.

Alicia believes that she is a "natural mother" and rebukes the society that opposes this approach to raising a child. "As long as your kids are happy, healthy and safe, that's all that matters," the actress said.

So, are there really strong arguments against sleeping children and parents in the same bed? Or is the Batman & Robin star right?

Back to the past

Since the middle of the twentieth century, under the influence of pediatricians , an extremely negative attitude has been formed towards the joint sleep of a parent and a child.

“For a certain period of time, Western culture, including under the influence of pediatrician Benjamin Spock, harshly criticized the joint stay of children and parents not only in the same bed, but also in the room,” says Associate Professor of the Department of Social Technologies of the NWRI RANEPA, Ph. D. Sciences Svetlana Molchanova. — However, over the past ten years, more and more influential media personalities have become to position such behavior as a tool for the formation of attachment and family values.

Psychologist says

— According to child psychologists, it is extremely important for newborn children to feel a connection with their intrauterine state. Here bodily sensations play a key role: the smell of the mother, her warmth and touch, the specialist emphasizes. — That is why it is so necessary for a child in the first months of his life to be close to his mother as often as possible.

Ways of co-sleeping

sleeping with the child in the parent's bed;
placing a baby cot in the parents' room;
use of a baby cot attached to the parent's bed.

— Many young families have the practice of keeping their children at arm's length while sleeping. Sleeping in the same room or bed makes night care and breastfeeding more effective, and also forms unity and affection,” notes Svetlana Molchanova, Associate Professor of the Department of Social Technologies at the NWMI RANEPA.

When co-sleeping is dangerous

parents use alcohol, drugs or sleeping pills;
there is a risk of not waking up when needed and harming the baby;
when mother or father is very tired;
parents are obese;
mother decides to sleep with her child because of a conflict with her husband;
parents have a strong fear of injuring the baby during sleep;
mother or father is ill.

And the child has grown up!

Sometimes not only other people's children grow up quickly, but also their own — and not all parents are ready for this fact, and not only from the point of view of psychology, but also in terms of education. According to the expert, when a child gets older, the vector of his questions and the angle of knowledge of the world shift.

- Specialists distinguish two periods - from 2-3 to 9-10 years old, , when the process of personality formation is actively launched in children and they begin to assert themselves and learn about the world around them. If at this stage parents do not give the opportunity to independently expand their boundaries, including falling asleep in their own bed, the mental development of children will begin to slow down, - notes Svetlana Molchanova.

How to teach a child aged 1-3 to sleep without parents

Do not rush to immediately send your child to your room for the night. It is better to lie down with him, hug him, read a fairy tale or just talk;
if the baby has a strong fear of the dark, then it is better to purchase a night light with dimmed light in his room;
it is useful to choose a soft toy that he will put next to him and calmly fall asleep with it.

How to get one child aged 3 and over to sleep

Together with your son or daughter, choose the right bed, linens and other items that will be in his room. Be sure to ask the child's opinion about the upcoming changes in his life;
if the first time a child comes to you in the middle of the night, then you should not scold him and send him back immediately. It is still important for your son or daughter to feel that you are near him, that you love him and can protect him from any dangers;
Be sure to praise your child in front of friends and family. Say that now he is an adult - because he has his own bed or room.

The choice is yours

Many young mothers and fathers turn to books on parenting to find the answer to the question that torments them: “Is it better to sleep with a child: together or separately?”

“If co-sleeping provides a mother or father with proper rest and emotional support, then it is absolutely recommended,” says public health expert Svetlana Molchanova. — It is important to clearly understand that the child-mother/child-father relationship for young children is the main axis around which their whole life revolves.

Thus, the priority in choosing joint or separate sleep is the comfort and mutual desire of both parents, since healthy and psychologically restored mom and dad are the main resource and guarantor of a balanced and comprehensive development of the child.

Text author:Anna Mayskaya

Is it worth it for a child to sleep with his parents and how to wean him from it | Bibikol

How to wean a child from sleeping with his parents is not an easy question. However, have you ever thought about whether it was worth it to initially teach the baby sleep in the same bed with you? There are certainly advantages to this. actually, like the cons, but the decision must be made carefully, well thinking and consulting with your soulmate.

How to wean a child to sleep with his parents is not an easy question. However, have you ever thought about whether it was worth initially accustoming your baby to sleep with you in the same bed? There are, of course, pluses in this, in fact, as well as minuses, but the decision must be made carefully, having thought it over well and consulting with your soulmate.

Benefits of co-sleeping between baby and parent

If we talk specifically about the baby, then for his development and formation as a person, joint sleep with parents up to 2 years does not pose any threat.
It's convenient for mom because she doesn't have to get up several times a night and run to her bed.
In the period from birth to 3 months, the constant presence of the mother is extremely important for the baby in order to be calm and feel secure. He 9for months he lived and developed to the beat of his mother's heart, listened to her breath and voice, so in the first trimester of his life he needs your presence day and night.
Being close to the parents, the baby sleeps more calmly and wakes up less often, which benefits not only him, but also you.
The proximity of the baby and mother, the contact "body to body" contributes to better milk production and allows you to feed your child at any time.
The bond that exists between a mother and her baby is very important for the proper development and psychological state of the baby.
Children who sleep with their parents are less likely to have fears and worries.

Considering co-sleeping from this side, we see a huge benefit for the whole family, but there is another side of the "medal" and it paints us a far from perfect picture.

Disadvantages of co-sleeping between child and parents

A question of hygiene - how your well-being will affect the health of the crumbs, how often you will have to change bed linen so that the conditions for the baby are as favorable as possible. Even, based on these considerations, it is worth considering, but is it worth it?
The individuality of a child is formed better and more actively if he has his own space - he knows that this is his bed, his stroller, his toys. But in children who sleep and are always with their mother (in their arms, in a sling, etc.), independence manifests itself late, which can bring a lot of problems and troubles to parents in the future.
If your child is over 3 years old and he continues to sleep with you, then this can form a very strong dependence on one of the parents (usually mother) in the future. All decisions, questions, even some minor life issues will require the opinion of the mother and her participation in this.
Nobody cancels the danger of causing irreparable harm to the baby in a dream through negligence. No matter how lightly you sleep, you are also a person who can get very tired and fall into a deep sleep. The same situation applies to fathers of families. Sleeping a baby with parents is life-threatening.
Dads are people too and they want attention as much as their children, so the lack of closeness between parents can worsen relations between spouses and harm family happiness.
Research shows that more than half of couples who decide to put their baby to bed with them end up divorcing.

How to wean a child from sleeping with parents

The simplest thing is not to wean, you didn’t have to initially accustom it - this way you injure the baby’s psyche twice, but if you nevertheless taught it, then try to accustom it imperceptibly, as gently as possible and without stress for the baby to new conditions for sleep. It all depends on the age of your crumbs, ideal is from 1.5 to 3 years. During this period, sometimes a little later (from 2 to 3 years), the child begins to show his independence, tries to do without the help of his parents and do everything himself, it is at this moment that you can take advantage of the situation and unobtrusively offer to sleep separately, and even in your own beds.

If the baby sleeps with you day and night, then first of all, we teach him to sleep in his bed during daytime sleep (in no case on your bed, but only in his). Offer your baby toys and do not impose your opinion - let him choose with whom (with what) he wants to sleep. At first, be with the child until he falls asleep, tell him a story, sing a song or a lullaby, while holding the baby by the hand or stroking his head - this way he is calmer and he falls asleep easier and faster.

In this matter, the main thing is gradualness, do not make drastic decisions so as not to injure the baby. If the baby is still very small, then you can first put the crib next to your own, then move it away, then even further and later move it, in general, to another room. Pay attention to each stage - the baby should get used to and calmly fall asleep in the conditions that you provided him, and only then change the position again until you come to a full, strong, calm sleep of the child separately from the parents.