Have a baby at home
Having a home birth | Tommy's
Where can I give birth?
You can give birth:
- at home
- in hospital
- in a midwife-led birth unit or centre.
Where you give birth is up to you and you should be supported in your choice. But there are some things you and your healthcare professional need to talk about, such as where you live, or if you’ve had any complications during this pregnancy or any previous pregnancies.
Your midwife can explain the different options and the pros and cons of each, depending on your circumstances. You can add information about where and how you’d like to give birth to your birth plan.
Having a home birth
Having a home birth means you can give birth in familiar surroundings supported by a midwife (or two).
It’s a good idea to remember that that sometimes a home birth may not be possible on the day if there aren’t enough community midwives available.
You may find your needs and priorities change as your pregnancy progresses. Don’t worry, you can always change your mind about where you want to give birth.
If you have any risk factors
If you have any complications, you may be advised to have your baby in hospital. This means you and your baby can be monitored more closely and have instant medical help if there is an emergency.
There are some risk factors in pregnancy that you should talk to your midwife or doctor about if you are thinking about a having a home birth. These include if:
- you have pre-eclampsia or high blood pressure
- you have diabetes
- you have a high BMI
- you have had abnormal scans during this pregnancy
- you have had a caesarean section before (find out more about pregnancy and birth after a c-section)
- your baby is in the breech position
- you are having a multiple pregnancy
- you have given birth prematurely before.
Are home births safe?
Giving birth is generally safe wherever you choose to have your baby.
If you’re having your first baby, home birth slightly increases the risk of problems for the baby.
If you’re having your second baby, a planned home birth is as safe as having your baby in hospital or a midwife-led unit. There is also a lower chance of having an assisted delivery, which could be a caesarean section, instrumental delivery or episiotomy.
Does it make a difference if I live far away from a hospital?
You should be offered a home birth no matter where you live in the country, although it may not always be possible if staff are not available.
Your midwife will carry out a risk assessment if you decide to have a home birth. For example, they will come to your house and check that it is accessible for an ambulance, in case you need (or want) to be transferred to the hospital.
Benefits of giving birth at home
There are benefits of giving birth at home.
- You are more likely to be cared for by a midwife that you know. This is because midwives doing homebirths will be part of the community team that you will see during your pregnancy.
- If you have other children, you will not need to leave them. But you will need to have arrangements in place in case you are transferred to hospital.
- Your birth partner will not have to leave you at any point. But if you stay overnight in hospital, they may have to go home.
- You are less likely to have interventions such as an assisted birth or episiotomy than if you give birth in hospital.
Being in an environment I felt comfortable and relaxed in was so important.'
Claire
Things to consider when giving birth at home
For anyone having their first baby, around 45 in 100 will be transferred to hospital during labour or after the birth. Your chance reduces for second babies after a previous uncomplicated pregnancy and birth to around 12 in 100 pregnancies.
Your midwife will need to do a risk assessment to make sure your home is suitable for birth. They will make sure emergency services can access the property (just in case) and check whether you have enough space for the birth.
Who will be with me at home?
Other than your midwife, it is up to you who to have with you when you are in labour.
Most trusts will also arrange for a second midwife or maternity assistant to come to you when the birth is about to happen.
Taking care of other children during a home birth
It is a good idea to have someone (not your birth partner) at home or nearby to look after any other children you may have. You might find it easier to focus on the labour if you know your other children are being looked after. This is also important in case you transfer to hospital.
Can I have delayed cord clamping at home?
Most home birth teams will try to do delayed cord clamping (DCC) for every birth, as it is now standard practice. Waiting longer before cutting the cord can increase your baby’s iron levels and the amount of stem cells they have. This can help their growth and immune system.
If you or your baby suddenly become unwell just after birth, the cord may be cut sooner.
Transferring to hospital
Even if you have started labour at home, you can change your mind and go to hospital at any time. For example, some women decide they don’t feel as comfortable as they thought they would, or they want more pain relief. Whatever the reason, your midwife can organise a transfer.
You will need a transfer to hospital if your labour isn’t progressing or if there are any complications.
Here are some reasons why some people get transferred to hospital during labour:
- they’ve changed their mind
- they want stronger pain relief
- the baby has done a poo before it is born (called ‘meconium-stained liquor’), which can cause problems for the baby
- they are bleeding from the vagina
- labour is progressing too slowly
- they have a prolonged rupture of membranes
- the midwives have any concerns about the mother’s or the baby’s wellbeing.
What will happen if I transfer to hospital?
Your journey to hospital will depend on the reason for transferring.
Most of the time, a paramedic ambulance will be called for you, especially if you are approaching or in the pushing stage of labour. In the ambulance, you will have access to Entonox (gas and air) for pain relief if you are in labour.
Sometimes, it may be possible to go by car with your midwife following. In both cases, the midwife will come with you to hospital. They may be able to stay and keep caring for you, or another midwife on the ward might take over and look you after.
When you arrive on the ward, you should have a room or bed waiting for you because the midwife will call ahead. If it is an emergency, the team on the labour ward will know you are coming. The obstetric and neonatal doctors will be ready to look after you and your baby.
Pack a hospital bag
You may not need to use it, but you should pack a hospital bag in case. Find out what to pack for labour and birth.
Pain relief during a home birth
TENS machine
You can buy, hire or borrow a TENS machine.
TENS (Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulation) is a type of pain relief that uses a low voltage electric current. It is a small battery-powered machine with four pads, which stick on your lower back. The pads connect to electrodes that send small pulses of electricity through your skin and into your muscles. Many people use a TENS machine in early labour.
Remember. Do not use a TENS machine while you are in water if you’re using a birthing pool or bath.
Birthing pool
Some women also choose to have a birthing pool for a home water birth. You can use this for pain relief during the first stage of labour or later if you want to have a water birth. You can buy your own birthing pool or hire one.
Bath
If you cannot afford or would rather not use a birthing pool, you may be able to use your own bath instead. Fill it up to a level you are comfortable with, making sure you’re warm but not hot. This should be fine for pain relief, but you may not have space to move around or give birth in the bath.
Gas and air
Your midwife will be able to offer gas and air at home when you are in labour. They will bring portable Entonox with them and will be available to support you while you use it.
Hyponobirthing
Some people choose to use breathing or hypnobirthing techniques. Hypnobirthing is a method of pain management that can be used during labour and birth. It involves using a mixture of visualisation, relaxation and deep breathing techniques. Find out more.
You don’t need to manage without pain relief if you’re giving birth at home.
Pain relief not available during a home birth
You will not be able to have an epidural at home because it needs to be given by an anaesthetist in hospital.
Try to have a think about pain relief in advance, you can talk about this as part of your birth plan. Find out more about pain relief in labour.
How to organise a home birth
Each NHS trust has a different way of organising care. If you are thinking about having a home birth at the beginning of your pregnancy, mention this at your first booking appointment.
If you decide later that you would like to consider a home birth, speak to your midwife as soon possible. They can talk through your options and help you make the necessary arrangements.
What do I need for a home birth?
You probably have most of what you need for a home birth already, but there are some things to think about.
If you’re planning to give birth in your bed, your midwife will bring disposable pads for you to use. You might like an extra waterproof covering for your mattress.
Our midwife suggested just a cheap shower curtain, which was really handy as we were worried about the mattress getting damaged and it was taken away by them afterwards.'
Lauren
If you would like a water birth at home, have lots of towels handy as you may want to get in and out of the water depending on how you’re feeling.
You will also need:
- a hose with connectors
- a water thermometer
- a sieve (in case you poo during labour).
Tips for preparing for a home birth
Here are some other things you might like to prepare.
- Try to create a calm and relaxing atmosphere that will help you focus. You might like to use music and soft lighting.
- Keep cool using flannels, a spray bottle or handheld fan. If you have long hair, you may want to tie it up or wear a headband.
- Get a birthing ball if you like, but you can use whatever is around you to get into a position that works for you.
- Have your birth plan and medical notes to hand.
- Don’t forget to charge up your phone or camera if you want your birth partner to take photos or a video.
- Get some snacks and drinks for you, your birth partner(s) and (if you are feeling generous) your midwives. For your drinks, you might like to have a straw to make it easier for you.
- It’s a good idea to have something you can be sick in, like a bucket or small bin.
- A hospital bag (just in case you need to be transferred).
Don’t forget. Keep your antenatal notes to hand.
What do I need at home after the birth?
Here are some of the things you might like to have at home ready for your baby’s arrival:
- a large, warm towel for wrapping around you and baby (put it on a radiator to warm them but make sure they’re not too hot)
- some big pants to change into afterwards
- sanitary or maternity pads – keeping these in the fridge can help with post-birth swelling
- nursing bras and breast pads, whether you plan to breastfeed or not.
- a light, breathable baby blanket (try to avoid the fleecy ones as these can get really hot
- muslins.
- a hat for your baby.
Find out more about what you will need for your baby.
Birthing the placenta
The placenta is delivered after your baby is born (the third stage of labour). This can be managed in two different ways:
- active management – having medicine via an injection into your thigh to help things along
- physiological management – this means that you will deliver the placenta without any drugs.
Your midwife should talk to you about your preference for delivering the placenta while you are pregnant. Find out more about delivering the placenta.
Your midwives will take the placenta and the umbilical cord to the hospital to be disposed of when they leave, unless you ask them not to.
If you need stitches
Up to 9 in 10 first-time mums who have a vaginal birth will have some sort of tear, graze or episiotomy. For most women, these tears are minor and heal quickly.
If you need stitches for a tear or episiotomy after you’ve had your baby, your midwife will probably be able to do those in your home. If you have a serious tear, you’ll be transferred to hospital.
Vitamin K for newborn babies
You'll be offered an injection of vitamin K for your baby. This helps prevent a rare bleeding disorder called haemorrhagic disease of the newborn (HDN) or sometimes called Vitamin K Deficiency Bleeding (VKDB). Your midwife should have discussed the injection with you while you were pregnant.
How long will the midwife stay after baby is born?
The midwife will usually stay with you for about an hour to offer you support with feeding your baby and to check that you and your baby are well.
When you are both ready, the midwife will go back to the hospital and complete your maternity records there. You will be given information about how to contact someone if you have any concerns. Find out more about your body after the birth.
The newborn physical examination
All parents are offered a physical examination for their baby within 72 hours of giving birth.
These can be done at a hospital, community clinic, GP surgery, children’s centre or at home. Speak to your midwife or doctor about arrangements for your baby after birth.
Find out more about your baby’s check ups after they are born.
Unassisted birth (sometimes known as freebirthing)
Some people choose to have an unassisted home birth without a midwife. This is sometimes called a free birth.
It is legal to have an unassisted birth. You do not have to accept any medical or midwifery care or treatment during childbirth.
However, we strongly recommend that you talk to a midwife if you are thinking about having an unassisted birth. This is because it involves some risks and it’s important that you understand what these are. For example, if you have any complications during labour, you may need medical attention to make sure your baby is born safely.
Where and how you give birth is up to you and you should be supported in your choice. But talking to your midwife about all your options will help you make a fully informed decision about what’s best for you.
If you have an unassisted birth, you’ll need to tell a GP or local maternity services about your baby’s birth as soon as they’ve been born.
This is because by law, every birth in the UK needs to be recorded (notified) within 36 hours. When the birth has been notified, your baby will get an NHS number for their NHS care.
Giving birth at home in an emergency
Giving birth at home or in a car when you planned to deliver at a hospital or birth center can be very scary. Despite what you see on TV medical dramas, this is very rare in real life. But there are close to 9,000 births a year that happen at home and are unplanned or unattended. If you find yourself giving birth alone at home or elsewhere, here's how to deliver your baby as safely as possible.
How common is giving birth at home without meaning to?
According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, there are about 35,000 home births in the United States every year, and 8,750 of these happen at home unexpectedly. That's less than 1 percent of births in the United States.
It's highly unlikely that you'll find yourself unexpectedly giving birth at home or in the backseat of a taxi – particularly if it's your first baby – but it can happen. If you've had no labor symptoms or only intermittent contractions and suddenly feel an overwhelming urge to push, it may signal that your baby is about to arrive.
If you've had a previous labor that was fast and furious (precipitous labor), it's important to be especially attuned to the signs of labor. Be prepared to make a mad dash for the hospital or birth center, because subsequent labors can go even faster.
But if it feels like you're not going to make it and you find yourself at home (or elsewhere!) with contractions coming fast and strong or a sudden overwhelming urge to push, the following steps can guide you while you wait for the emergency team to arrive.
How to deliver a baby at home by yourself
- Call 911. Tell the dispatcher that your baby is coming and that you need an emergency medical squad immediately.
- Unlock your door so the medical crew can open it. You may not be in a position to get to the door later.
- If your partner isn't there with you, call a neighbor or nearby friend.
- Call your doctor or midwife. They'll stay on the phone to guide you until help arrives.
- Grab towels, sheets, or blankets.
Put one underneath you and keep the rest nearby so you can cover yourself and your baby immediately after birth. (If help doesn't arrive in time and you forget this step, you can use your clothes instead.) - Take off your pants and underwear.
- Lie down or sit propped up. If you deliver standing up, your baby could fall and suffer a serious injury.
- Try to stay calm. Babies that arrive quickly usually deliver with ease.
- Do your best to resist the urge to push (try panting or breathing exercises).
- Guide your baby out as gently as possible.
- If the umbilical cord is around your baby's neck, either ease it over their head slowly or loosen it enough to form a loop so that the rest of their body can slip through. When your baby is fully out, don't pull the cord, and don't try to tie off or cut the cord. Leave it attached to your baby until help arrives.
- Stay where you are until you deliver the placenta, which should arrive shortly.
What to do after an unassisted home birth
First, rest your baby on your tummy, skin to skin, and warm them with your body heat.
Cover yourself and your baby with a dry blanket. Ideally, keep your baby's head lower than their feet until they start breathing.
Make sure your baby is breathing
If your baby doesn't breathe spontaneously at birth, stimulate them by firmly rubbing up and down their back. If your baby still doesn't start breathing, lay them on their back and rub their chest or tap the bottoms of their feet. If they still don't breathe, give them mouth-to- mouth resuscitation.
Try to breastfeed
While you're waiting for medical help, try to get your baby to nurse – but only if you can keep the umbilical cord slack, not taut (sometimes, if the placenta is still inside you, the cord won't be long enough to allow you to bring your baby to your breast). Besides offering comfort and security, your baby's suckling will prompt your body to release more oxytocin, the hormone that stimulates contractions, which will help the placenta separate and be delivered.
Be ready to deliver the placenta
You'll likely feel contractions and pelvic pressure, but it's usually much milder than what you feel during the delivery of a baby.
Sometimes the placenta delivers on its own, and other times it doesn't. Don't pull on the cord to deliver the placenta. It's okay if the placenta remains in your uterus until medical help arrives.
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If the placenta does deliver, leave it attached to the cord, too – medical personnel will take care of it. Nursing after the placenta comes out can help your uterus continue to contract – and a well-contracted uterus is necessary to keep bleeding in check. If your baby won't nurse right away, manually stimulating your nipples will help release the oxytocin.
After you deliver the placenta, firmly massage your uterus by vigorously rubbing your belly right below your navel. This will help your uterus contract and remain contracted.
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The clock is not ticking. The story of a couple who is in no hurry to have children
- Anastasia Anisimova
- for the BBC
Subscribe to our newsletter "Context": it will help you understand the events.
Photo by facebook
According to the 2002 census, the number of childless women in Russia was 5-7%. We are talking about those who, upon leaving the reproductive age, did not have children. This proportion has not changed since the first census - 1897 years old
However, in the 2000s, the figure began to grow. According to the estimates of the Institute of Demography of the Higher School of Economics, in the generations of women who were born in Russia after 1979, this share may be 12-14%.
"It is impossible to say that the growth of this indicator is associated with infertility. It is now being treated and is often overcome. We are talking about the movement of voluntary childlessness - people who consciously decided not to have children," says Olga Isupova, senior researcher at the HSE Institute of Demography.
According to Isupova, more and more people in Russia are not understanding why children are needed and how to raise them, often in difficult economic conditions.
In social networks and video blogs, the topic of young people's unwillingness to have a baby has become increasingly discussed. The couple, who decided not to have children, told the BBC what could be the reason for this decision.
Alena Koroleva
Yoga instructor , 31 years old
The author of the photo, Alena Koroleva
My grandmother told me from the age of four that I would not die until you gave birth to a girl. Grandma is still holding on and waiting.
As a child, I didn't argue with my grandmother. I grew up in a paradigm where there were no other options but to become a mother in the future.
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Five years ago, when my friends began to give birth and began to communicate with me in the mode of constantly demanding attention, a screaming child in the background, I began to wonder if I needed it.
The author of the photo, Alena Koroleva
Photo caption,"Children in general don't evoke any emotions in me. I look at them and I have no interest, no desire to play with them," says Alena
I can assume that a child is a great joy when you really want it. And all the difficulties in this case probably fade into the background and do not frighten. But I don't have that desire, at least not yet. My personal comfort and my life, which I do not want to change, are very important to me.
Children in general do not evoke any emotions in me. I look at them and I have no interest, no desire to play with them. When they are left with me, I fall into a stupor and do not know what to do with them.
Marina Travkova, family psychologist
"Having a child and becoming a full-fledged woman - there is definitely no equal sign between these phrases. Unfortunately, the criminal chronicle confirms this 9003 6 033 not all women who have given birth have become full-fledged mothers and women.You can not want children, not have them and be a wonderful woman.Motherhood - is just one of the female roles that absolutely everyone should not want."
Skip the Podcast and continue reading. what happened, why it is important and what will happen next. watching this video, to my surprise, I realized that there are many people like me.I wrote a post on Facebook and got feedback from women who are also in no hurry to have children.
Of course I come across people who talk about "the clock is ticking". And in general, my husband and I often have to answer tactless questions.
I recently got a job at a fitness center as a yoga instructor. And the administrator girl, seeing the ring, asked: "What, no children yet?"
First, why yet? Maybe never will.
Secondly, why should I even discuss this issue with a person whom I see for the first time in my life? I understand that you love children. But I, for one, love dogs. I don't ask: "What, haven't you got a dog yet?"
Or we met a couple recently. They have a child, and they apparently want to find friends for him and ask everyone if anyone has children. And to our answer that we have no children, they said: "Oh, what a pity!" What is this "sorry"?
Anastasia Krasilnikova, creator of telegrams channels "Your mother!" and "The Robber's Daughter"
"The desire to have children is a topic that for some reason affects everyone, although this is a personal matter for each individual couple.
It is believed that anyone can ask about this - from a distant relative to a recruiter and quite strangers on the streets
These tactless questions are so common in our society that they are often asked by women who cannot have children and make unsuccessful attempts, often costing a lot of money and carrying great risks to the woman's health. Imagine how difficult it is to receive such questions when you have problems with reproductive health.
Questions - this is the most harmless form. Often people use statements and phrases: "this is your destiny", "you must give birth", "you are a woman, children - this is such happiness."
When Lesha and I started dating, we discussed that we wanted children. Lesha loves children, and he, unlike me, has contact with them.
When I realized that I was not ready, I had a feeling of guilt towards him. One friend even told me: "Lesha gets along so well with children, you are obliged to give birth to a child for him.
"
But after our conversation with him, I realized that this is not so. He supported me. At first he asked: do you want to have children at all or right now? And then, after thinking, he answered that even if this never happens, then it’s also okay.
Aleksey Korolev
Children's photographer, 37 years old
Photo by Alena Koroleva
It's really very easy for me to find a common language with children. When I communicate with a child, I feel that I am communicating with something real. There are always some social masks with adults, and children are alive, real, wonderful.
Portrait photography of a child is much more fun for me than that of an adult. With adults, you ask to do something, and they immediately do it. With a child, you need to approach the task in a playful way, come up with something.
But I understand that it is one thing to love children and play with them, take pictures, and another thing is education.
This is the responsibility and decision of not one person, but a family. 0 degrees This is what you are completely unprepared for, precisely because , you live in a paradigm where children are your main purpose and greatest happiness. Only after giving birth, you will find out what it really is, and you are completely stunned by the discrepancy between reality and your expectations.
Several times, when mothers saw me shooting with their children, they asked if you probably have children of your own. And with confidence that I am a pumped-up father, since I communicate so well with children. When I answered no, at that moment some kind of awkwardness arose every time, and from both sides.
When I communicate with my friend's wife, she periodically asks: "When are you here?" I can see directly that this is such a social pattern. You are a couple, so you must have children. And if you fall out of the template, this most often causes misunderstanding and surprise.
The author of the photo, Alena Koroleva
Photo caption,Aleksey does not think that family life is incomplete without children in which we will all live. When Alena told me that she was not ready for the birth of a child, I asked myself the question: "Why do we need children?" - and still have not found an answer to it. I realized that the picture I was living with was not really mine. And taken from the series "so it is necessary."
Marina Travkova
"The family is now diverse. The traditional family - mother, father and child - is one and perhaps not even the most common option, if you look at Russia. parent, usually , mother.The third generation is often involved in raising children.We also have children from surrogate mothers.There are childless families.
A family today is any human union where there are warm emotional relationships living together, finances, obligations and the feeling that there is us, and there is everyone else.
"
As for the future, I am calm about the fact that Alena may not want children. Our life together has already shown that everything should happen in due time. And if this does not happen, then only for the better.
How to understand if I want a child: questions to myself
Do I want to? Can I? Or get an MBA? We talked with psychologist Galina Filippova and found out what questions you should ask yourself before planning children.
tags:
Motherhood
Grazia
Getty images
Let's agree right away. When we declare our readiness to give birth, we mean that we have become mature people and are able to devote our lives to another. This means that we have already realized and now we can become a "means" to meet the needs of the child. But if we understand that we are not yet ready to give, we do not want and do not know how to do it, then it is too early to talk about procreation.
We have yet to grow up ourselves.
Mom wants grandchildren
You have been married for the second year, you have your own apartment, and you hate to invite your parents to your house. The thing is that as soon as dad and mom come to visit, conversations begin: "you have already lived for yourself ...", "it's time to take care of the appearance of heirs." At first, the parents only hinted, then they were offended, and recently they sympathetically offer to take care of reproductive health.
Katya (30) received a long-awaited promotion. She was appointed director of marketing. “Now, now you will shift the whole routine to your subordinates,” her husband reacted to this news. “And we will finally be able to give birth to a son.” Katya didn't want a son. That is, I wanted to, but not now. But she didn't argue. Moreover, the "grandmothers" have repeatedly expressed their readiness to take all the care of the child upon themselves. The main thing is to give birth.
It took a year and a half and two miscarriages to understand: Katya is not ready to have children. And at work, she has not yet reached the ceiling. The main thing is not even that. Teenage resistance has turned on - you all want it, but I don’t want it! And you won't force me.
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What to do? The thing is that modern boys and girls mature later than their parents. This is largely due to the fact that now the readiness for social life is formed later than a quarter of a century ago. You need to know and be able to do the most: get additional education, make a career, create a material base in order to consider yourself an adult. And inner maturity comes much later. But on the other hand, fear appears: I am 28 years old, there are no children yet, what will happen next? There is a situation when it is time to give birth according to age, but there is no readiness. And here psychologists can give only one piece of advice - to wait.
Where will the child live?
Earlier in Russian culture, as in any traditional culture, a place for a baby was determined when building a house. And the place was the main thing. For example, when a hut was laid, a hole was made in the main beam of the house (mother) into which a hook for a cradle was inserted. And now you should have an understanding of where the unborn child will live before pregnancy.
Alice (28) lived with her mother in a two-room apartment. She had a partner, but they were not going to marry. And so Alice decided that she wanted a child. There were all the conditions for this, but it was not possible to get pregnant. When she, together with a psychotherapist, began to understand the problem, it turned out that there was no place for a child in the apartment. That is, in Alice's room there is a suitable corner, but now a ficus lives there. She raised him from a small sprout to a large tree (in fact, the ficus in this family was instead of a child).
And now, if you put a crib, what to do with the ficus? Alice had an idea to put it in her mother's room. But my mother objected. It was a pity to throw away the tree, yet it was grown with our own hands. The psychotherapist suggested that Alice make a plan on how to send the ficus to a big life. When the decision to release the plant into the wild was made, Alice's friend called and said that she really needed a big flower for her new office. And doesn't Alice want to finally get rid of her ficus. I must say that such coincidences in the course of psychotherapeutic work are not uncommon. And only after the ficus was transported, pregnancy occurred.
What to do? Reflecting on your readiness to become a mother, think about whether there is a place for a child in your apartment or room. And when organizing space for him, remember that the bed should be in a bright, warm corner without drafts. It is necessary to provide free and convenient access to it. The crib should have a view of the whole room so that the baby can watch his mother.
Having decided to convert your ultra-modern studio into an ordinary kopeck piece, where it will be convenient for a child, you will stop wondering about your readiness to be a mother.
Will the child interfere with my plans?
Did your friends unexpectedly invite you to Kyiv for the weekend? No question, an hour to get ready - and now you are already at the station. Did you organize courses in Italian cooking at work? It doesn't matter that you don't come home until 11 pm. Don't miss out on this fun! And thinking about the time to have children, you willy-nilly compare your current, full of impressions life with round-the-clock sitting at home surrounded by dirty diapers.
Anya (26) was sure that she had chosen the best time to have a baby. She was going to write a dissertation and get pregnant at the same time - it’s all the same to sit at home, why waste time in vain? Anya processed documents for graduate school and at the same time prepared for IVF.
Between the puncture and the egg transfer, she was going to get a review of the abstract for her dissertation. Needless to say, this is a rather nerve-wracking procedure. It is necessary to formulate your position, defend it before the reviewer. It is not yet clear what he will say. And it turned out that Anya focused not on the birth of a child, not on accepting her body (since I had to do IVF, it means there were problems with this), but on a dissertation. It became the main thing.
What to do? It so happened that work, travel, hobbies are considered by us to be correct things, inherent in developed personalities. To devote oneself to raising a child means to turn into a domestic chicken - barefoot, in the kitchen, in an apron. Meanwhile, the work of a mother is the most creative of all possible. Children's experiences, feelings - all the product of mother's work. And this activity is much more interesting than any other. And most importantly, the result is much better.
Doesn't that sound convincing to you? Maybe you should talk to a psychologist about it. Or with a close friend who has children. Ask what exactly she gained with the birth of the child. After all, no matter what you think now, but with the appearance of children in your life, you will not lose anything, but only gain.
Aaaaa. What should I do with him?!?!
You have a husband, an apartment, a stable income and a willingness to devote at least the next three years of your life to a child. But you have no idea how to take care of him. How to breastfeed, swaddle, bathe, how to soothe, how to talk to him and what to do so that he does not grow up spoiled or overly squeezed? All these questions baffle you. Raising a child is so hard!
What to do? The child develops through communication. In the past, proper communication skills were passed down in the family. But now it has to be specially studied. You need to get a lot of knowledge on caring for a baby and his upbringing.
After all, we begin to educate from the very beginning: we encourage something, we prohibit something. Preparation courses for childbirth and parenthood will help to draw up a program of action. It is worth choosing according to recommendations. If there are no trustworthy courses in your city, try to spend more time visiting friends who already have children. Observe, ask questions and, of course, read books. You will begin to understand what's what. And the fear of the unknown will recede.
Oh, I'm afraid, I'm afraid, I'm afraid
Interestingly, this fear arose relatively recently. Previously, only professional ballerinas and actresses experienced it. And, for example, now every fourth Englishwoman (a survey conducted by the British Grazia) speaks of her unwillingness to have children because of the fear of getting fat. And what is interesting. The sizes and shapes of cowardly girls do not necessarily look like models. It's all about the specific attitude of a woman to her body.
It is perceived as a precious shell that cannot be spoiled under any circumstances.
2. Another common fear is the fear of becoming stupid while sitting with a child . However, as American scientists have found out, women get smarter during pregnancy. Under the influence of hormonal changes in the body, the number of synaptic connections between nerve cells increases - and we begin to think faster. And after childbirth, when it is necessary to perform several urgent tasks at the same time, the brain of a young mother works much more intensively than that of a production director.
3. Fear of ruining relations with her husband closes the top three. Most often, this fear is masked with a mantra: with the birth of a child, nothing will change in our relationship and we will love each other just the same. Will change. And you need to understand how and to be ready for this. In a couple, a man and a woman live for each other. When children appear, they become partners, that is, they unite to fulfill one common task - to meet the needs of the child.
Training
Travel to the country Parenthood We learn many things in life, but we are not taught how to be parents. At the training, you and your partner will learn what kind of parents you will be, what you expect from the child and what he expects from you. You will be able to see the difficulties that you will face, develop ways of interaction in a pair: mom - dad. You will build your individual plan for preparing for the role of a mother. The training is intended for couples preparing to conceive or already expecting a child, as well as parents of small children. The duration of the training is 3 lessons of 3 hours each. www.perinatalpsy.ru
I know and I can The name of the training very accurately defines its essence. After it, you really get the feeling that you know everything about a small child and know how to do everything with him. Obstetrician-gynecologists will help prepare for childbirth.
