How do you go about adopting a child

Getting started - AdoptUSKids

Educating yourself, contacting an agency, and attending an orientation meeting are the first steps toward adopting and/or fostering

Although it costs little (if anything) to adopt from foster care, the process of becoming an adoptive or foster parent can be time consuming and requires persistence. On average, it takes from six to twelve months to complete the steps necessary to be licensed to adopt or foster—including submitting an application, undergoing a home study, and attending training.

While some of the steps may seem overly involved or invasive, it is important to keep in mind that everyone is working toward the same goal—ensuring the safety and well-being of children.

Educating yourself

Our website is a good place to start your journey to becoming an adoptive or foster parent. Our introduction to adoption from foster care and the information we provide about the children in care and the resources available to families give families a solid understanding of the process and the children.

Child Welfare Information Gateway has a great list of resources of things to consider before adoption, including how to preparing yourself emotionally and considering openness in adoption.

Many families tell us that one of the best sources of information about adopting or being a foster parent is other families.

Find real stories about adoption and foster care on our blog and our YouTube channel.
Connect with a community of more than 200,000 families sharing questions, advice, and experiences on our Facebook page.
Use our state adoption and foster care information pages to find local parent support groups and other resources in your state.

Parents who have fostered and adopted share their motivations, doubts, and lessons learned in this AdoptUSKids video.

Contacting a local agency

To get started or find out more about adopting in your particular state or territory, contact your local public agency and/or one or more private agencies:

Public agency services are usually free or very low cost—and often reimbursable. Public agencies may suggest or require becoming licensed to foster before adopting and will explain to you the reasoning behind this. In short, even if you only intend to adopt, which is permanent, and are not interested in providing temporary foster care, being approved to both foster and adopt can expedite the placement of a child with you for the purposes of adoption. Find out more about foster parenting and the cost of adoption from foster care (usually nothing when done directly through a public agency).
Private adoption agencies guide you through the adoption process in much the same way that public agencies do. Their services may include helping you complete a home study, providing training, helping you find and secure a placement, and identifying or providing support services after adoption. They usually charge for these services up front. Some or all of the fees may be reimbursable.

You can search for local agencies in your state or contact us. Our adoption specialists can help you find contact information for your local public agency and also provide contact information for private adoption agencies in your area that will work with public agencies.

Read the article on our blog, “Five Questions to Ask When Interviewing Agencies” to learn more about selecting an agency to work with.

Attending an orientation meeting

When you contact a local adoption and foster care agency, you will most likely be invited to attend an orientation meeting where you will find out more about:

Children in foster care
Roles and responsibilities of adoptive and foster parents
The process you will need to go through to adopt or foster
Next steps to take on the journey to adoption or becoming a foster parent

If you attend an orientation meeting, all you need to do is:

Show up with an open heart and mind.
Ask questions and listen carefully to what the presenters say.
Take notes on things such as what you have to do next, who your important contacts are, and when the next meeting will happen.

During orientation, you may hear for the first time the real challenges involved with being a foster parent and adopting a child from foster care. It’s natural to become conflicted as your emotions rise to the surface. You don’t have to make any major decisions at this point. The only thing you need to do is decide whether you want to continue to explore becoming a foster or adoptive parent.

Things to do next:

Request to be contacted by an adoption professional in your state.
Meet the children. Learn about the 400,000 children in foster care.
Read real families’ stories and advice from parents who adopted from foster care on our blog.

Adoption Process Overview | Adoption Network

Step 1: Learn How to Adopt a Baby / Select the Type of Adoption That is Right For You

As an Adopting Parent, you get to decide on what type of adoption program is best for you and your family. Every adoption opportunity is unique. It is important to understand why you want to adopt a child and what your lifestyle will allow you to realistically be able to do in an adoption.

Domestic vs. international adoption?
Adopt a baby vs. an older child?
Private adoption vs. foster care?
Open, semi-open or closed adoption?

Step 2: Research the Costs of Adopting a Baby

Once you decide the type of adoption you wish to pursue, it is important to obtain a solid understanding of the costs involved in the process. Standard fees typically include, but are not limited to: your adoption professional’s fees, marketing costs associated in achieving your highest chance possible in reaching potential Birth Mothers, Birth Mother pregnancy-related expenses, home study costs, travel and legal expenses.

Adoption Network Law Center works very closely with Adopting Parents to help you adopt within your budget and achieve your goal in building or expanding your family through adoption.

Step 3: Choose an Adoption Professional

While researching various adoption professionals, it is important for you to understand that not all entities provide the same services in the same manner. Some handle the entire adoption process, helping you through every step, while others may only handle certain parts of it. It is crucial that you ask each adoption professional you are vetting to give you an accurate layout of ALL the costs you will incur while working with them, whether those costs are a part of their services or not. In other words, just because Adoption Professional #1’s fees are quoted at $20,000 and Adoption Professional #2’s fees are quoted at $30,000, does not necessarily mean Adoption Professional #1 would be the least expensive option in the end, as there may be other costs not covered by #1’s services.

Be sure to understand the differences between an adoption agency, law center, and facilitator. During this step of the process, you should be doing your research, know what you want, need and expect our of your adoption journey, ask questions and keep an eye out for any warning signs and risks during the vetting process. Some questions you’ll want to ask an adoption professional include:

What kind of children does the entity place (ages, backgrounds, etc.)?
How many children has the entity placed in each of the past few years?
How does the entity find Birth Parents?
What does the adoption opportunity process look like?
How long, on average, is the wait time?
What is the homestudy and what does it require?
How much does a completed adoption cost — in total and each part?
What if the adoption doesn’t work out and is there any financial protection provided?

Step 4: Work With Your Adoption Professional

After you choose the Adoption Professional you will be working with, it is time to really begin the groundwork in your adoption journey. Your adoption professional will ask you to fill out what seems like a daunting amount of paperwork (a.k.a. an adoption application or questionnaire).

Here is where you will create your adoption plan, firming up your answers on questions surrounding what your preferences are, what you would be open to in Birth Mother situations, what type of contact you would be comfortable with during and after the birth, etc.

You will also be creating your Adoptive Parent profile, which will be seen by and distributed to potential Birth Parents. ANLC creates your profile for you in-house, but other adoption professionals may require you to either build your own or work with an outside entity to do so.

Step 5: Complete Your Home Study

Every Adopting Parent in the United States must complete a homestudy in order to adopt a child. A homestudy is conducted by someone licensed in your state, usually a social worker. The purpose of the homestudy is to educate you, the Adopting Family, and prepare you for adoption. The homestudy evaluates the capability of an Adoptive Family to ensure they are suitable to adopt a child. This step of the adoption process involves the social worker thoroughly gathering information about the Adopting Parents by visiting them at their home, interviewing their family, and ensuring that the Adopting Parents will provide a healthy environment for any child. Questions that a social worker will ask pertain to family background, education, employment, relationships, finances and prior parenting experiences.

A successful homestudy results in an official approval for the adoption to move forward. In some cases, the social worker may feel that an adoptive placement is not in the best interest of the child or family.

Step 6: Find a Birth Mother

Depending on the type of adoption you have chosen, you will likely either be able to view a list of waiting children (if adopting an older child) or Birth Parents will select you after reviewing Adoptive Family profiles (if you are adopting an infant).

In a newborn, domestic adoption, once a Birth Parent selects a hopeful Adoptive Family, this adoption opportunity is presented to the Adoptive Family who is then given the choice to move forward with or decline the opportunity. If accepted, the adoption process moves on to the next steps of the process prior to the placement of the baby.

It is common for a Birth Mother to want to get to know the Adoptive Parents so she can feel more confident in the family she’s chosen and the life she has envisioned for her unborn child.

Nowadays, most adoption professionals, including ANLC, encourage openness in these adoption relationships so everyone involved can feel confident they are making a decision that is best for each side of the adoption triad.

Step 7: Prepare For Your Baby

Before the birth of your baby, you will have to think about home preparation for your new child. This means doing everything required to make a new home safe, welcoming, and comfortable for a new child.

This is also the step in the process where you would usually tell your close family and friends that you are adopting a child. It is important that you, as well as those you share your adoption with, understand that there are certain differences between sharing this news versus sharing news about a pregnancy. For example, some may be tempted to throw you a baby shower. However, it is advised that you proceed with caution, as the adoption is not final nor secure until the finalization step. Additionally, you should prepare yourself for the various types of questions and reactions you will receive when sharing your adoption news.

Step 8: Birth of Your Baby!

You will receive a phone call notifying you that either the Birth Mother has gone into labor or your child has been born. Depending on your adoption plan with the Birth Mother, you may be able to be in hospital room or waiting room for your baby’s birth. It is important that you are aware of what happens at the hospital before, during and after the birth.

The ANLC team will ensure that everything at the hospital goes as smoothly as possible, so that you can enjoy the moment you’ve been long waiting for: holding your precious baby in your arms.

Step 9: Bring Home Your baby and Petition to Adopt Your Baby

If you are bringing your baby home from another state, you will need to complete the ICPC (“Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children”) process. This can take anywhere from 8-14 days after the placement documents are signed.

Once you are able to bring your child home, your adoption professional (or third-party attorney) will begin the process of petitioning for your adoption. Once this petition is submitted to the court and all necessary legal forms have been signed and submitted by yourselves, the Birth Parents, and all parties involved, it can then be finalized by the court.

During the time an adoption is not yet finalized, the Post Placement Period is usually between 1-18 months. The time period is usually set by the state that maintains legal jurisdiction for the adoption. However, sometimes the legal state of the residence of the Adopting Parent(s) may have requirements that also apply.

The Post Adoption Supervisory Report is usually conducted in the adoptive home with all household members present. This is an extremely detailed account of the adjustment to the adoption. There is a review of the child’s health and habits, development, when they reached developmental milestones. If there are any assessments and/or recommended services made, it will also include how those needs are being met. There is a discussion of the child’s daily activities, academic progress, and any recreational activities or social interactions. Is the child bonding with family members? How does the child relate to peers and adults? There is a discussion with the adults in the home—how are they handling the new responsibilities, bonding with the child, maintaining relationships with other household members and peers, what changes in work schedules or resuming work after taking a leave from work. Relationships with extended family and family friends are reviewed—including their reaction to the adoption and acceptance of the child. Any changes in the physical home, finances and schedules are detailed. There is also a review of adoption in general—what is the experience and feelings about it now, as well as discussion of adoption with the child, family and friends. Resources and referrals are made as appropriate or needed.

Step 10: Finalize the Adoption of Your Baby

You did it! You’ve reached the final step in the adoption process. Thankfully, this is the easiest step. A finalization hearing legally completes the adoption process. Your social worker or attorney will notify you of the date and time. The proceeding lasts about 10 to 30 minutes. At this hearing, you, the Adoptive Parent(s) are given permanent legal custody of the adopted child.

At the end of the finalization hearing, you are what ANLC calls, “a forever family!”

If you have any questions about the adoption process or how to adopt a baby, please feel free to contact us so we can answer all of your adoption-related questions and get you started on your adoption journey!

How to explain to a child that he was adopted

We asked Elena Shainurova, an employee of the Center for Social and Psychological Assistance, to give professional advice and comments.

At what age to tell the child about his origin

Tell the child that he was adopted at the age of five to seven years, when children begin to ask hundreds of questions, including about the birth. This is the most important moment for adoptive parents when the child is open to hear the true story of his appearance in the family.
Perhaps the most unfortunate age for news of adoption is adolescence. Think back to yourself when you were 12 or 14 years old. The whole world seemed hostile, any remark caused an explosion of emotions, even the kindest words could cause bitterness. That is why it is necessary to inform the child about his origin as early as possible. So that he could get used to this idea, and adoption would be perceived by him as an ordinary fact from his life.
Sometimes children have to tell the same thing several times before they can fully understand and assimilate it, so do not be surprised or annoyed if you have to talk about adoption more than once.
In addition, regardless of the age at which you want to tell your child this news, you need to choose a time when peace and tranquility reign in the family. There are no acute financial problems. No moving or other stresses expected.

How to prepare a child for a conversation

Foster care centers now exist in every city. Moreover, if you have already adopted a child, you cannot be unaware of them. Without certificates of completion of courses in this institution, it is impossible to complete the adoption procedure.
Elena Shainurova cooperates with the "Center for the Promotion of Family Placement and Support" and, based on her own experience, notes that there is no universal recipe for talking with a child. “My parents and I discussed several options. You can watch films where the story of adoption is traced, and then everything ends well. They also wrote fairy tales about how the child got into the family. Someone wrote life tales, where all the characters are people, but there were metaphorical tales, with fictional characters - bunnies and bears. Surprisingly, men wrote more touching stories than women.” The value of fairy tales is that they allow you to easily start a conversation in a third person, when it is very difficult for parents to gather their thoughts and they do not know where to start. Therefore, stories and fairy tales are a great start to a very important conversation about adoption.

Do not try to speak in grandiloquent or scientific terms. You don't need statistics, and your analysis of global world problems. In front of you is a child. Talk to him in his language. The main thing is that the child should feel that in spite of everything, he is very loved.

What to tell about real parents

The question of the identity of real parents will certainly arise. Maybe not right away. Maybe in a few years. But get up. What were they? Why did they leave me? In the midst of family conflicts, the question can take on a more acute form: “What if real parents would be better?”. Before the child himself asks you about the biological parents, try to decide - how do you feel about them?
Do you feel pity or dislike? If the parents of your child are alive, then think - did they give up a good life from their own child? Most likely, they did not have money, or maybe they were addicted to alcohol or drugs. Maybe they are in jail. These are unfortunate people. Have pity on them. The child must know that he was not abandoned as something completely unnecessary. It’s just that life circumstances were such that real parents could not educate him. Idealizing their image is also not worth it. It is important to convince the child that the refusal of the biological parents has nothing to do with his personal qualities. This attitude helps to protect the child from mental and emotional trauma.
If the parents are not alive, try to help the child collect as much information about them as possible. Tell everything you know. Try to find distant relatives. Everyone needs to know about their past. Don't deprive your child of this.

How to have a conversation with a child

It is impossible to predict the reaction to a conversation about the true origin of a child. Someone will think, someone will try to forget. In any case, you must be prepared for any outcome of this conversation. Show your child that you love him, that you will be there now and for as long as it is needed. Answer any questions. Don't get locked up. By adopting a child, you have come a long way. Telling a child the truth about adoption is much more difficult than collecting a lot of documents and mentally preparing for replenishment in the family. But if you love your child, and he is already yours, and not someone else's, then everything will work out. You can do it.

Elena Kononova

Adoption in Islam | umma.ru

Not adoption, but guardianship

Adoption (adoption) is the adoption of a child into the family on the basis of blood rights, with all the ensuing rights and obligations. That is, adoptive parents give the child their last name and consider him to be their own. Such adoption, which entails a change in a person's genealogy, is prohibited in Islam[1].

However, Muslims are allowed to adopt a child in the sense of obtaining guardianship over him, in order to ensure that his physical and spiritual development is taken care of.

Guardianship is the adoption of a child into the home as a foster child.

According to Russian law, guardianship is established over children under 14 years of age, and guardianship is established over children from 14 to 18 years old[2]. The guardian has almost all the rights of a parent in matters of upbringing, education, maintenance of the child and responsibility for him. Guardianship may be appointed for a fixed term or without a term. In Russian realities, guardianship is often used as an intermediate form for adoption. So, guardianship involves the maintenance and upbringing of the child, and this is one of the best deeds in Islam.

The Quran says:

"Orphan... Do not offend [him, but become a merciful father for him]!" (Holy Quran, 93:9).

There are also verses in the Holy Scripture describing a number of provisions in defense of the rights of orphans:

“Let [guardians of orphans] be afraid [of God to do something wrong towards them, let them remind themselves that] their own children [are] not insured [from the sudden death of their parents] from the possibility of becoming the same orphans, for [well-being] which are feared. [Treat other people's children as you would like yours to be treated. Treat them the same way you treat your own.] Let [the guardians of orphans] fear Allah (God, Lord) and speak [only] the right (worthy) words[3]. Whoever eats (spends on himself) the property of orphans, without having the right to do so, verily, fire descends into the stomachs of those [they fill their wombs with the fire of Hell], where they will end up [in eternity] (and burn them in hellfire) ”(St. Quran 4:9, ten).

The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of God be upon him) said: “I and the guardian of an orphan will be close to each other in Paradise like this,” and raised his index and middle fingers, slightly opening them[4]. After all, children left without parents at an early age and deprived of their parental inheritance, as well as guardianship and care from their relatives and friends around them, tomorrow may join the ranks of criminals, drug addicts and social parasites. Caring for another, all the more weak and infirm, a person also cares about himself, about the future of his own children. But how few people and representatives of state structures are fully aware of this!

By the way, according to Muslim canons, an orphan is one who is left without a father, before reaching the age of majority.

Islam allows Muslims to raise other people's children. Muslims can raise these children, look after them, support them, but children must be called by the patronymic of their real fathers. The Holy Quran forbids such adoption when adopted children take the surname or patronymic of the father who adopted them:

“And if you call adopted children your sons (daughters), they do not become such [biologically, genetically] (God did not make your adopted children native). <...> Call them [native children or adopted children] by their fathers [that is, keep the patronymic]. This is most just before Allah (God, Lord). And if you do not know their fathers, then they are your brothers in faith and patrons (helpers)[5]” (see Holy Quran, 33:4, 5).

A child passing into the hands of foster parents does not become their own child. He cannot claim the inheritance of his adoptive parents[6]. If the child is male, then with the onset of puberty, he will not be able to remain alone with his foster mother in the same room. If the foster child is a girl, then with the onset of puberty (with the appearance of menstruation), she will not be able to stay at home alone with her foster father. All of them (both adopted children and adoptive parents) with the onset of puberty of the child must cover those parts of the body that are closed (covered) in front of strangers (‘awrah).

Answers to questions on the topic

If the child to be adopted is a baby and his biological parents are unknown, is it possible to give the name of the family that wants to adopt? If not, then what to do?

If there is no information about real parents, then you will have to give your last name and patronymic, but there must be a document saying that the true biological parents are not known.

The child, when he can already understand this, will need to be carefully informed about this.

We are a believing family, and so are my parents. We have two kids. The eldest daughter got married and left Russia, now we have decided to adopt a child from an orphanage, but our parents did not allow us to do this. They live in another region, but they are registered with me, so they refused to sign the documents. They say that according to Islam, my mother has the right to interfere in my family and forbid it. Please tell me if there is any hadith that confirms or refutes such an opinion of the parents. Although I do not agree with them, taking an orphan is a savab (rewarded by the Almighty). Radik, 45 years old.

The mother has no canon right to prevent you from taking custody of the child. She can only advise. It is important to consider the opinion of the parents, but in such matters the final word is with you and your spouse.

After marriage, my wife and I waited for a child for four years, underwent examinations and found out that the matter was in me. I have been treated all this time, but the improvements were temporary. Then we adopted a baby from an orphanage. Since the father column was not filled in her document, I gave my last name, I did not worry about this. A year later, we adopted an 8-year-old boy. We already knew the name and surname of his biological father, but given the environment in which we live, we still gave our surname. Now I'm wondering if I did the right thing? At the same time, I justify myself that this is in the interests of a minor child. He knows everything, but does not even want to remember where he comes from and who his biological parents are. He proudly pronounces our last name, which makes us very happy, but still I can’t calm down. I would like to know your opinion as a learned theologian. Rinat, Kazakhstan.

The personal documents of the children you adopted must contain a birth certificate or other papers where the names of the biological parents are recorded. Subsequently, these documents should be handed over to the children, at the stage when they can understand this, when they begin an independent life.

I am now 26 years old. When I was 15 (not yet a Muslim), at the request of my mother, I changed my surname and patronymic, taking them from my stepfather. Now I have learned that this is not possible. Are there any exceptions in this case or not? If not, then he is ready to change the middle name to the name of his own father, since the mother and stepfather no longer live together. Rabhat.

You must have the middle name of your natural father.

I know who my biological father is, but he has a different family, and there is no particular effort on his part to communicate. I bear the surname of my maternal grandfather, he raised me and brought me up to adulthood. Now he is no longer alive. Do I need to change my last name to my father's or take his first name as a middle name? I have a wife, three children. I did not change my wife's surname at the time of marriage, but I gave my children my surname. Darken.

You must have your real father's middle name.

As for your wife, she can take your last name. This is not allowed canonically. She only has to keep her middle name.

I married a woman with a child. The girl is 4 years old, I bring up and love her like my own. The biological father visits his daughter once a week, walks with her, takes her home. My parents are against it, they say that it is necessary to separate her from her father, but I have doubts. I do not want to separate her from her real father, although I am not very pleased with their meeting. What to do in this situation according to Sharia and Sunnah?

A girl's father is still her father, no matter how bad he may be. You can only be a kind, considerate and caring guardian.

I am an illegitimate child of my father; at birth, my father was afraid to give his surname and patronymic, as he held a high position and was already married at that time. My mother registered me to her father, giving his last name and patronymic. My father died. I remained with the surname and patronymic of my grandfather. Unfortunately, it is very difficult to change the middle name legally. In addition, you will have to change all the documents, diploma, etc. So is it necessary to look for a way to change the middle name? Ruslan.

The Quran says:

“Call them [native or adopted children] after their fathers [i.e. keep the middle name]. This is most just before Allah (God, Lord). And if you do not know their fathers, then they are your brothers in faith and patrons (helpers)” (see Holy Quran, 33:5).

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References to theological sources and commentary:

[1] See, for example: Mavsu'a fiqhiya kuwaitiya [Muslim Legal Encyclopedia of Kuwait]. In 45 volumes. Kuwait: Ministry of Waqf and Islamic Affairs, 2012. Vol. 10, pp. 120, 121.

[2] The difference between the status of “guardianship” and “guardianship” is that the guardian makes all transactions on behalf of the child, while the guardian only gives consent to the ward to make transactions.