How do you discipline a child with autism

How to Discipline a Child on the Autism Spectrum

The purpose of discipline is to set healthy boundaries and clear expectations of appropriate behavior, not to punish or embarrass your child.

While there are certainly challenges to disciplining a child on the autism spectrum, discipline instills valuable lessons that the child will take with them their whole lives. Keep reading to learn safe, effective, and compassionate strategies for how to discipline a child on the autism spectrum.

Two Words: Gentle Consistency

Children with autism pick up on things differently than other children. For example, your child may not pick up on the irritation in your voice when you ask them not to do something.

These misunderstandings can make traditional discipline techniques less effective. Your child might not understand the consequences of their actions, which can be frustrating. However, you should refrain from any kind of physical or verbal punishment that could have a negative effect on your child.

Instead, be gentle with your words and actions. If your child is screaming and having a tantrum, keep calm and don’t raise your voice. All children learn through imitation, so try and respond to your child’s behavior clearly and gently.

And now for consistency. Consistency is the key to safe, effective discipline. Most children with autism respond well to structured discipline, perhaps due to their desire for sameness and routine.

Consistent discipline can also alleviate some of your child’s anxiety, a common characteristic of autism. Consistent outcomes help children feel secure and confident in their choices.

If your child knows what to expect from a certain behavior (Mom won’t like that I ate cookies before dinner), they may not feel as overwhelmed when you discipline them.

In other words, consistency gives your child the ability to predict the outcome of a situation, which is a powerful and necessary step toward independence.

Educate Yourself About Your Child’s Condition

You’ll need to do some research before fully understanding how to discipline a child on the autism spectrum.

Read up on the condition to make sure you’re setting realistic expectations for your child. Some behaviors cannot be “disciplined away” by a parent, and should instead be evaluated by a professional.

For example, self-stimulation (spinning, hand flapping, etc.) is very common in children with autism. These behaviors help them regulate their emotions, and you could do more harm than good by punishing them for doing it.

Remember that autism exists on a spectrum, meaning every child will experience different symptoms in different ways. It’s a good idea to speak with other parents whose children have autism. You’ll get a better idea of how to set expectations, especially if you speak with a parent whose child has symptoms similar to yours.

Discipline Strategies for Children with Autism

Rewards and Consequences

Commonly used in Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) therapy, rewards and consequences are one of the most effective techniques for discipline.

The goal of rewards and consequences is to increase or decrease the likelihood of your child performing a certain behavior. When your child performs the desired behavior or task, you offer them a “reward” – a positive reinforcer.

When they do not perform the desired behavior or task, you point them in the right direction with a consequence.

For example, you can offer your child candy or extra TV time for cleaning their room after being asked. That is an example of a positive reinforcer. If they don’t clean their room after being asked, you can take away some of their TV time or send them to time-out. That is the consequence.

Of course, you’ll have to evaluate which consequences are appropriate for your child. For instance, some children with autism prefer being alone, so sending them to time-out could actually be a reward for them.

Set Clear Expectations

Children with autism often have trouble understanding which behaviors are expected of them. For example, a child may not understand that they should say “hello” back to someone who greets them.

You can help your child learn these behaviors by clearly communicating your expectations. You may need to create visual cues or do role-playing until your child is comfortable.

For example, if your child is late getting ready every morning because they’re playing with their toys, you can explain that they can play only after they are ready for school. You can set a timer showing your child how much time is left before they need to leave for school, and after they finish getting ready, they can play until the timer runs out.

Be Positive

Positivity inspires positive actions. If you offer praise and encouragement when your child behaves well, they’ll want to keep behaving well.

Encourage your child by reminding them what they can earn or receive for meeting their goals. Praise your child when they perform good behavior, and describe exactly what it is you’re praising. This is called “descriptive praise,” and it helps children understand appropriate and inappropriate behavior. For example, “Great job asking Dylan nicely for your toy when he took it from you.”

You can also praise children for their efforts, not just the final result.

Most children with autism enjoy praise, but some may not respond, especially if they tend to withdraw from others. They probably aren’t motivated or interested in doing things to please other people, so you can help your child learn how to respond to praise. You can tell them what they did well and then give them their favorite toy. This way, they’ll come to regard praise as something good.

Seek Professional Help

Whenever possible, you should seek professional help from an autism center or therapy provider. The above ways to discipline a child on the autism spectrum can be extremely helpful at home, but children with autism benefit the most from intensive therapy.

Therapy solidifies the foundation you build at home, and it is hugely beneficial for development and independence in children with autism. For more information about the intensive, compassionate care we provide at Therapeutic Pathways, contact (209) 422-3280.

Discipling a Child on the Autism Spectrum

Discipline teaches children to do the right thing and think and act for themselves. It can be difficult to discipline a child who has autism, but doing so will help teach them the skills they need to live an independent life.

6-Step Approach to Disciplining a Child with Autism, ASD

It’s one of those moments you dread.

It’s the holidays, and your house is filled with relatives eating and chatting.

Suddenly something small and hard hits you in the cheek.

And then your head.

Your ten-year-old child is throwing crayons at you.

Now he steals a handful of crayons from one of the cousins and chucks them all right at you, while your visitors (and your mother-in-law!) stare.

What do you do?

The good news is that ABA offers some very successful methods to deal with this sort of situation.

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It’s important to understand from the start that ABA is not a system of discipline, nor does it focus on discipline. Instead, ABA seeks to understand the why behind the unwanted behaviors, and the how for giving your child the tools they need to start choosing preferred behaviors.

Does that sound like more work than a quick spanking or time out? Yep. That’s because it is. But the long-term pay off will be so much greater!

Each child is unique and depending on where your child lands on the spectrum methods will need to be adjusted to fit the needs of each child. Please use this information as supplemental help while also working with a licensed ABA or BCBA therapist.

How to Correct Problem Behavior

Step 1. RECOGNIZE

Problem behaviors are generally the child trying to communicate something. Simply “punishing” the behavior won’t bring about long-term results.

A child with autism generally won’t respond to authority in the same way a neurotypical child would, and many traditional methods will likely backfire in the long run.

Strong reactions from you will probably reinforce the behavior instead of deter it. If your voice gets louder, your face turns red or you wave your arms you’re suddenly very interesting. Instead of feeling chastised, your child may be curious and repeat the behavior to see what kind of show you’ll put on next.

Step 2. REFRAME

Your interpretation of the “why” behind the behavior might be increasing your own anger… and it might be wrong.

It’s possible that what you observe as disrespectful might actually be your child’s reaction to physical pain or an inability to clearly express legitimate needs.

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But What Do I Do

RIGHT NOW?

IGNORE … If you know the behavior isn’t in response to true physical pain, and the behavior is non-harmful, seek to ignore it. For example, if your child is throwing crayons at you get up and walk out of the room. Any verbal discipline or chastisement actually reinforces what your child most likely wanted…your attention!

After some time away from the child, return to the room and offer your presence.

REMOVE … Until you start practicing ABA principles at home and preparing your child for upcoming triggers, you may need to remove your child from the situation. This may mean that in the short term you leave the store without finishing your grocery list or your child goes to his room until visitors leave the house.

Remember… ABA is all about working toward long-term changes in behavior, and sometimes short-term solutions will only prolong the change process.

For some children time outs are effective both at home and in public. However, they are only part of the story and alone will not result in long-term change.

Spanking is highly discouraged when working with children with autism.

Why? Because your child’s final takeaway will be that when others do something they don’t like, they can respond physically. This can lead to hitting other children or throwing rocks on the playground when they are upset.

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How to teach a child with autism to use "words" instead of "scandals"?

04/12/14

Negative behavior for autism is often a consequence of the difficulties with communication

Source: Let’s Talk

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Many children with autism use unwanted forms of behavior to satisfy their needs. This can be very frustrating for parents and educators because this behavior interferes with learning and daily activities. However, the truth of life is that people do what works for them! If any behavior of the child continues, then this means that, to one degree or another, the behavior "works" for this child. In other words, there is a certain need of the child, which is satisfied with the help of this behavior. If we determine what the need is, then we can change the strength of the need and/or teach the child a more appropriate way to communicate it. Beyond that, we have to teach his child that his old way of "communication" no longer works!

The three main "needs" that negative behavior can communicate (functions of behavior) are:

1. Getting attention or desired items.

2. Avoidance or escape from a requirement or situation.

3. Behavior brings pleasure in itself.

The first step in dealing with a behavioral problem is to try to understand why the child is reacting in a certain way. Parents or educators often have their own preconceived ideas about the cause of behavior. For example, they may claim that the reason is that the child is stubborn, unwell, hungry, or spoiled by his grandmother! Of course, we all get "out of the mood" for a variety of reasons, but if a behavioral problem occurs regularly, then there is a connection between this behavior and what happens before / after the behavior. It is these events that cause the behavior to repeat itself. The task of the behavioral analyst is to determine this connection, which allows you to develop the right plan for correcting this behavior. It is very important that all participants do not look for "guilty" in the behavior of the child. This will only make people defensive and resentful, and this is not a healthy situation for the team or the family. No one teaches a child to “behave badly” consciously! Instead, a team of parents and professionals should collect information about problem behavior and treat it as a problem-solving process.

To identify a connection, it is necessary to observe and record for a long time what happened immediately before the behavior (antecedent) and immediately after it (consequence). Recordings can be made by people who interact directly with the child on a regular basis, or by an independent monitor. Only the information that can be observed is recorded, with no impression of what caused the behavior. For example, instead of writing "Sam was hungry" as an antecedent, the observer should write "Sam stood by the fridge and Mom asked, 'What do you want?' Instead of writing "Sam started acting up" as a description of the behavior, the observer should write "Sam fell to the floor, screamed and kicked the floor." Instead of writing "Mom punished him" as a consequence, the observer should write "Mom picked him up and put him in a chair." From now on, we collect only "facts" and do not try to interpret them. It's also helpful to record what time of day the behavior occurred, as well as other circumstances, to help identify patterns in behavior.

Once you have collected information over a sufficient period of time, the child's team will analyze it to identify patterns in the events that occur before and after the behavior. For example, let's say that when the team analyzed Sam's behavior, they noticed that there were no patterns in what happens after the behavior. Perhaps one person left when the tantrum began, another tried to calm the child, and a third put him in a corner. The only thing that united the situations was that someone asked: “What do you want?” So the team determines that there is a connection between someone asking "What do you want?" (antecedent) and hysteria (behavior).

On the other hand, it is possible that the collected information indicated a different connection. Perhaps one person said, “What do you want?” and another asked, “Are you hungry?” and a third opened the refrigerator and gave Sam juice. The only thing that unites all cases of hysteria is what happened after it (consequence). Everyone started showing Sam various objects until they found what he wanted, after which he stopped crying. This indicates a relationship between the behavior and obtaining the desired item.

Once the connection is established, a plan is developed to correct the problem behavior. Typically, procedures to reduce unwanted behavior include: 1) modifying what happens before the behavior (control of antecedents), 2) refusing to provide a reward that supports the behavior (extinction), 3) teaching the child an alternative behavior that will be more effective in obtaining the reward. (differential encouragement of alternative behavior). The goal is to teach the child a replacement behavior (words, gestures, or picture/object exchange) that will serve the same function as the negative behavior. The desirable and undesirable behavior in such a situation is called an “equivalent pair”.

For example, Sam's team found that tantrums happen when he is asked "What do you want?" (antecedent), and, therefore, it will be necessary to abandon this phrase for a while. Instead, the team may decide to open the fridge right away and give Sam a choice of items he may want. As soon as he reaches for the object, the adult can prompt Sam to use a word, gesture, picture, or object to indicate what he wants. For such a request, an adult can specifically plan and provide him with more of what he wants than he usually receives (differential reward of alternative behavior). The prompts then gradually decrease until Sam is able to ask for what he wants before even reaching the fridge!

Of course, Sam will also need to be taught to be tolerant of the question “What do you want?” because sooner or later he will be asked such a question! Sam clearly has a dislike for these words, and most likely this is due to the fact that he did not like what happened when he heard these words before. For example, maybe someone held his favorite toy in front of his eyes and asked, "What do you want?" over and over without giving him access to the toy. As mentioned earlier, it is important not to dive into the question of how this happened, the blame game is bad for the team and for the family. But it is important that everyone on the team understands how different learning strategies affect the child. And still, the main goal is to solve the problem. In this case, part of Sam's program may be prompting him to ask for a small amount of the desired food and gradually "training" him to the question between servings of his favorite treat. Or perhaps the team will combine these words with encouragement, simply saying them when Sam is doing something enjoyable and not requiring him to respond. For example, when Sam watches a favorite video, he might be told, “What do you want? Video", in a calm and soothing voice. It is very important to say both the question and the answer at once, so that the child does not get used to the fact that after the question no answer is needed. Then, perhaps, the video will be paused, and Sam will be prompted to ask for the video in the form in which he can do it (words, pictures, gestures, objects).

While all of this can prevent tantrums in principle, it is very important to plan how to behave if a tantrum does occur. Reward, by definition, comes after the behavior. Even though each person in the first example behaved differently, the behavior was rewarded because it persisted. In fact, if a behavior is only occasionally rewarded (variable reward schedule), then getting rid of such behavior is much more difficult! So the team might decide that every time Sam makes a fuss instead of a request, they will use the following counting procedure. Once Sam stops crying, the adult will count to ten and then tell him how to ask for what he wants. When a child fights to get what he wants, it is very important never to give him what he wants (encouragement) in return for the fight. Unfortunately, if you give him what he wants in response to negative behavior only occasionally, then the likelihood of a new tantrum when he wants something will increase many times over. To understand why this is happening, imagine a slot machine in Las Vegas. The fact that a win (reward) does not happen every time a person puts money into it makes people spend more and more, they always think that the next quarter is sure to hit the jackpot! We are not saying at all that the child is consciously planning this, it just happens if, after the first tantrum, the child got what he wanted. (Variable reward scheme). Moreover, if the child was always given what he wanted (rewarded) after the tantrum (constant reward scheme), then it would be easier to eradicate such behavior. For example, consider a candy machine. In the past, we always got a candy when we put down the money, and then suddenly the machine stopped dispensing candy. After that, we simply will not put money into it in the future. Unlike the slot machine example, our behavior will stop very quickly!

It is very important to understand that once we start to deny a child the reward of unwanted behavior (extinction procedure), we tend to see a dramatic increase in that behavior. In this case, it could be an escalation of Sam's tantrums and an increase in their duration. This phenomenon is called the "extinction explosion" and it will quickly subside if we are consistent and do not provide incentives. An example of an extinction explosion: a person is used to getting candy from a machine after putting money in it, but after one day he did not receive the expected reward, he starts kicking the machine. It is very important to “survive” the extinction explosion, and not immediately decide that the intervention does not work.

Sometimes, even if the behavior has stopped due to the denial of the reward (extinction), the child may suddenly resume the old behavior. Again, it is very important to follow the same procedure and not allow the child to access the reward. If this is not done, then the old behavior will return with renewed vigor, and in the future it may be much less prone to extinction!

Because of the importance of consistency in responding to a child's behavior, it is important that everyone who works and interacts with the child is aware of the plan. It is best to explain the procedure in the simplest language so that everyone understands what to do. The procedures should be explained, as well as the importance of everyone, without exception, sticking to the plan. If a behavior is encouraged in some cases but not in others, it will become even more resistant to extinction. For example, let's say that Sam's parents have been working hard to teach Sam to ask for what he wants with gestures, but one day a new nanny comes to babysit. The babysitter didn't know anything about Sam's old temper tantrums or procedures to prevent them, so when Sam went to the fridge and started crying, the babysitter started offering him various foods he might want. All the work the parents had done to die out tantrums went down the drain, and the behavior was more resistant to extinction because tantrums were once again encouraged!

In summary, we must teach the child to use gestures, words, and images/objects to communicate their wants and needs. At the same time, we must teach the child that negative behaviors will not lead to the desired result!

ABA Therapy and Behavior, Parenting with Autism, Communication and Speech, Techniques and Treatment

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Discipline is a way to teach a child correct behavior, not punishment. ^{[1] X The source of information} Appropriate methods depend on the age of the child. Set some rules that the child will understand to teach him to discipline. Be consistent and offer rules that will help your child succeed. Praise your child for good deeds and encourage them to behave correctly.

Steps

1

Set house rules. A child of any age should clearly understand the difference between acceptable and unacceptable behavior. Set house rules to communicate your expectations to him. The child needs to know how not to behave and what the consequences of such behavior will be. ^{[2] X The source of information}
- Rules and consequences are determined by the age and maturity of the child. It is important for young children to understand that it is wrong to hit others, while for an older child it is necessary to know what time it is necessary to return home in the evening. Use a flexible approach that takes into account both the age of the child and the need for new boundaries.
2

Make a routine. Routine helps the child develop their best qualities, feel safe and confident in the future. If your child starts messing around at the same time every day or when he's tired, consider these aspects to suggest a suitable routine for him. ^{[3] X The source of information}
- Morning and evening routine should be predictable so that the child clearly understands what awaits him every day.
- If temporary changes are expected (a trip to the dentist or the arrival of relatives for a couple of days), then this should be reported in advance.
- Some children cannot easily change activities. If the child needs time to adjust, then reflect this moment in the daily routine.
3

Determine the natural consequences for actions. Natural consequences will help the child understand the essence of cause and effect relationships and get used to being responsible for their actions. It is necessary to give the child free choice, which will determine the consequences. Explain to him what the final result depends on. So children will be able to make independent decisions and immediately understand the severity of the consequences. ^{[4] X The source of information}
- Consequences should be logical so that the child learns from his mistakes. ^{[5] X The source of information}
- For example, if a child takes a long time to get ready, he will be able to spend less time in the park.
4

Be consistent and constant. Many parents start making exceptions to the rules or get away with some wrongdoing. Children should understand the inevitability of consequences and the impossibility of evading. Show that you are not joking. Demand to follow the rules and remember the consequences for any misconduct. ^{[6] X The source of information}
- Don't be surprised if your child has an excuse or can explain his behavior. In such a situation, you need to clearly state: “You broke the rule and you cannot escape responsibility.”
- If you have several children (or several families living in the house), then it is very important to behave consistently with each child. Otherwise, they will feel unfair treatment.
5

Expectations must be realistic. Don't set the bar too high, otherwise the child will feel pressure, and with excessive relaxation, the children will be self-willed or will not be able to reach their full potential. Every child develops differently, each with different strengths and weaknesses. If one of the children is older, then do not expect the younger ones to behave in the same way. ^{[7] X The source of information}
- Find out what behavior is considered normal for your age group.
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1

Redirect children's attention. Little kids are capable of wreaking havoc in no time! If your toddler is trying to do something inappropriate or doesn't want to share with other kids, then keep him busy doing something else. Suggest another activity. Praise your child if he shows interest in him. ^{[8] X The source of information}
- If a child is doing something dangerous to himself or other children, deal with the threat immediately. Safety is paramount.
2

Use warnings. Little children need to be constantly reminded of everything. You should warn the child if he was going to commit an inappropriate act or break the rules. Thanks to the warning, he will understand that the action will lead to consequences. Use phrases like “If…then…” to get him to understand the consequences. ^{[9] X The source of information}
- For example, say, “You can't fight. If you beat your sister, you will go to the corner.”
3

Place the child in a corner. This method allows the child to calm down and pull himself together. Does the child play around or does not listen to anyone? Put the baby in a corner so that he calms down and understands that this is not the way to behave. ^{[10] X The source of information}
- Usually the number of minutes in the corner corresponds to the number of years the child has lived. You can also leave the child in the corner until he calms down.
4

Use simple and short explanations. The child continues to build up his vocabulary, so do not use complex language. Speak to a young child in simple language and as short phrases as possible. Explain what the baby did wrong and why there will be specific consequences. Then tell them how to behave in the future. ^{[11] X The source of information}
- For example, say: “You hit Anya, so get in the corner. You can't fight. If suddenly you are upset, then next time just call me.
5

Provide a small selection. Young children love to feel in control of the situation - these are the first manifestations of independence. If the child indulges because he does not want to do something, then give him a choice. This will help limit your options and allow your child to control the next step. ^{[12] X The source of information}
- For example, let your child choose a bedtime story or a T-shirt. If he does not want to wear sneakers, offer him to choose between green and red.
- You can also offer to put on a sweater or go to a corner. Say: "Choose what you like best?"
6

Suggest an alternative. Give an example of correct behavior so as not to explain why the child behaves incorrectly. The kid may not understand how to behave in such a situation, so offer an alternative. ^{[13] X The source of information}
- For example, if a child is pulling a cat by its tail, say, "Let's pat him on the head."
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1

Apply logical consequences. At this age, in addition to natural consequences, one can add logical responsibility. The presence of a logical relationship between actions and consequences will help the child better understand the consequences of their actions. ^{[14] X The source of information}
- So, if the child lied that he completed the task, give him additional instructions.
2

Discuss the child's behavior. Younger students are already old enough to understand and be aware of their actions. Use this opportunity to teach your child empathy and explain why some actions are considered inappropriate or bad. So the child will begin to understand how his actions affect others and himself. ^{[15] X Reliable source PubMedCentral Go to source}
- For example, students often lie to get attention or push boundaries. If the child deceived you, then explain that lying offends other people, and the child himself risks losing trust and even friends.
3

Let your child choose his responsibilities. Schoolchildren like to have a choice, because the choice allows you to control the situation and generates a desire to achieve the goal. If you can't get your child to do his chores (or homework), offer him a few options to choose from. In the case of homework, let him choose the order in which to do the lessons or what to do in certain periods of time. ^{[16] X The source of information}
- When it comes to household chores, offer 6 options from which to choose 4.
- Some parents give gifts or money if the child does more than is necessary. In this case, let the child earn a prize, and tasks can be chosen randomly using straws of different lengths. The more difficult the task, the more valuable the prize or more money!
4

Help your child succeed if he or she is acting carelessly or irresponsibly. Some children get into trouble because they don't do their chores or homework. Sometimes laziness is the cause, but try to create an environment in which the child will be comfortable to succeed. Notice your child's failures and offer support during difficult times. ^{[17] X The source of information}
- If your child is constantly having trouble doing homework, help him figure it out.
- If he is often late for the first lesson, suggest a morning routine that gives the child enough time to get ready. Invite the children to prepare lunch for school and pack their backpacks from the evening.
5

Praise your child when he behaves well. If the child has successfully coped with the case, then you need to show that you are proud of his result! Praise and recognition mean a lot to any child. So he will understand that you have noticed his successes and feel proud. Usually it is important for a child to get the attention and approval of his parents, so do not deprive him of such emotions. ^{[18] X The source of information}
- For example, say, “I know you didn't want to clean the room, but I'm proud that you did it yourself. Now you can go visit your friends.”
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Have your teen set boundaries with you. Sometimes it is useful to get the opinion of children about what they consider reasonable and fair. It will be easier for a teenager to follow the rules if he takes responsibility for his behavior and the boundaries set. The last word should remain with the parents, but the opinion of the teenager should also be taken into account. ^{[19] X The source of information}
- Say that you are open to reasonable criticism and suggestions regarding the rules. If your teen wants to change the rule, ask them to justify their request and suggest an alternative.
2

Take away your teen's privileges. If a teenager misbehaves, deprive the child of some privileges, whether it is watching TV, a smartphone or pocket money. The privilege must be earned anew by exemplary behavior. ^{[20] X The source of information}
- For example, if a 13-year-old is snapping, take their smartphone away for a day. If he continues to be rude to you tomorrow, then extend the time without a phone for another day. Tell him he can return the phone when he's well behaved.
3

Stop insolence and disrespect. Teenagers are notorious for being snappy and sassy. Show that you are a parent who should be respected even if your teen disagrees with you. Tell the child to change the tone. If he doesn't want to be polite, stop talking. ^{[21] X The source of information}
- Teach your teenager to be polite and speak up when they cross a line. For example, tell your child not to raise their voice or use swear words.
4

Listen to your teenager. Demand respect, but remember to be respectful towards your teenager. Listen when he wants to say something. Perhaps he is ready to explain the reason for his act, if you allow him. Show that you value your child's feelings and are willing to listen. ^{[22] X The source of information}
- For example, say “You came home late last night and I want to hear the reasons. ”
5

Learn to negotiate. Teenagers will certainly try to push boundaries and experience periods of rebellion. With a large number of rigid rules, be prepared that each of them will be violated. If your child does not accept the rules, try to find a compromise that will satisfy both parties. ^{[23] X The source of information}
- So, if you want to know when and with whom he spends time, offer to buy a smartphone for your child, provided that he is always in touch, otherwise you will immediately take the phone.
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