How can i find out if someone has a child

Can you find out if someone's had a baby?

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askingforafriendofmine · 05/07/2019 11:25

Is there a way to search birth records ?

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feathermucker · 05/07/2019 11:29

Why do you want to know?

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GleefulGlitch · 05/07/2019 11:29

That depends on who you are in relation to the mother and child I suppose but even I doubt anyone other than the parent or guardian could access them.

Can I ask for more details as to why?

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Redred2429 · 05/07/2019 11:30

I think you would need to know the name of the child I don't think you can search birth records on the parents name

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gamerchick · 05/07/2019 11:31

You'd need a date of birth and names though. I doubt you could just search for a name.

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LooksBetterWithAFilter · 05/07/2019 11:35

You can search for birth records. They are available to the public. I’ve only ever searched for family ones using the persons name not the parents names not sure how you’d do it with the parents names.

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steppemum · 05/07/2019 11:40

simple answer is no.

It isn't that difficult to register under a false name for birth.

If it is unlikely that they used a false name, then in theory, if the baby's birth was registered, then yes.

The register of births is a public document, and you can search it on-line. But it isn't easy to find someone, unless they have a very unusual name. if you do find the person, and they are eg Maggie Jones, there will be dozens of Maggis Jones, and you don't know if it is your Maggie Jones. The only way to find out is to order a copy of the birth certificate, which then gives the names of parents and place of birth etc, You have to pay for every certificate you order.

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WishingILivedOnAnIsland · 05/07/2019 11:42

If they wanted you to know they'd had a baby, they would have told you, OP.

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negomi90 · 05/07/2019 11:46

Why?
If you know them ask them. If you don't know them well enough to ask then its not your business.
And birth records aren't public access.

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steppemum · 05/07/2019 11:52

you can go on-line and get a copy of any birth certificate registered in the UK.

The problem is that you need enough details to find the certificate you want. You can't search for Maggie Jones. etc you need an approximate date/place more details.

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askingforafriendofmine · 05/07/2019 11:52

My partner would be the dad, but obviously not on the birth certificate. Its the unknown of whether there is a baby out there or if it was all made up after he left her not for me.

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Miljah · 05/07/2019 11:56

Oh, how very MN!

OP: I have a question. ..

1st reply: WHY do you want to know?

If you can't or won't answer an OP...

scroll on by. Stop wrecking MN.

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GleefulGlitch · 05/07/2019 12:00

My partner would be the dad, but obviously not on the birth certificate. Its the unknown of whether there is a baby out there or if it was all made up after he left hernot for me.

Has he contacted the mum and asked?

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steppemum · 05/07/2019 12:05

just googled how to search for a birth certificate.

clicked on first reply
entered my own name (and my married name isn't my birth name)
and got back 85 possible results (but I didn't pay to proceed)

On Gov website, you can search, but you need to register and pay (and I didn't wnat to)

If the birth is older, many sites eg ancestry.com hold the detaisl from 2005 (I think, judging by my quick view of the site.

yes, birth records are public documents

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mrsbyers · 05/07/2019 12:06

Would be easier to try and find her on Social media and snoop on there

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steppemum · 05/07/2019 12:10

hmm, so he doesn't even know if there is actually a baby, or he doesn't know if the baby is his?

I would have thought it wasn't that difficult to find out if she had HIS baby, presumably there is a quite a small window, so he left in eg May, she claims she was pregnant when he left, she can't have been more than 2-3 months at the time, so the window for the birth is quite small, baby would be born Feb at latest or dec/jan at earliest.

You should be able to search using her name, where she was living and the few months around that window.
But I don't know how much it woudl cost, as I've never done it, and not sure if you pay for each result, or just the ones you want printed.

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askingforafriendofmine · 05/07/2019 12:47

@steppemum which one did you use ? The birth would of only been this year, but would of been registered by now if it happened.

She is not on social media never was so that's no good.

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amicableAs · 05/07/2019 12:49

Could you afford to get a solicitor and out in an application for contact
If there’s no baby it will be clear v soon
If there is then get a paternity test and go from there

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askingforafriendofmine · 05/07/2019 13:18

The issue is they moved out of the house they lived in together when they spilt and don't have contact now. So my partner doesn't know her new address etc. She contacted him after saying she was pregnant, but the number doesn't work now.

I've looked at .gov one and registered and it seems historical, not recent records.

If there is a baby then it is certainly his no doubt on that, we just want to know IF it exists. Just things like we would like to write cards etc and save for the baby. With the hope that one day they make contact they will know they were thought about and they he wasn't in their lives due to not being allowed rather than not wanting to be.

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Soola · 05/07/2019 13:26

Private detective or so your own snooping.

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Pinkmalinky · 05/07/2019 13:27

Does he not have a contact number for any of her relatives or friends? None of them on social media that he could contact? That would probably be the easiest way...

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mindutopia · 05/07/2019 13:32

If they were serious enough to have lived together, surely they had mutual friends. Even my fairly not serious relationships that lasted more than 2 months, we’d met each other’s friends. Could he not just ask a mutual friend? Then proceed from there with a solicitor if the answer is yes.

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littlepaddypaws · 05/07/2019 13:46

it could be asked why she hasn't told him about the 'birth', maybe he isn't the father or she doesn't, for whatever reason, want him involved. you would only hear his side of the story.
she might have made it up to try to keep him from leaving her, or she was pregnant and miscarried.
if she wants to get in touch she would do at some point.

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Chloe9 · 05/07/2019 13:47

Maybe she has good reasons for not telling him? Like abuse etc.

Otherwise you could look for her through the electoral role? Or the phone directory if she's registered?

What reason might she have for not wanting him involved if it's true though? That would be my question

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HairyToity · 05/07/2019 13:50

Had to use a private detective once for work to trace a person. It cost £300.

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How do you know if you have enough breast milk?

Nowadays, almost all mothers want to breastfeed their babies. But not one mother during pregnancy does not think that there may be any problems with feeding. These problems overtake already in the hospital. It seems that all the problems, suffering, pain are behind you, your baby is next to you, but now a new stage in your life begins.

Breastfeeding. Will I succeed?

Every woman is capable of breastfeeding. The main attribute for this is your chest and a positive attitude. Every woman has colostrum, that is, the first milk appears at different periods: for someone in the middle of pregnancy, for someone on the day of birth, sometimes it comes only on the third day.

If colostrum does not come on the third day, then you should not give up. Continue to apply the baby to the breast and this will stimulate the production of milk. Find a comfortable position for you and your baby and enjoy being with each other.

Preparation for feeding during pregnancy

You don't have to worry about your breasts losing their shape.

The first thing you need to do is to buy good support underwear to lighten your breasts. Owners of large breasts should use such a bra from the middle of pregnancy. When buying this bra, keep in mind that your breasts will increase in volume when the milk arrives.

Also consider comfortable nursing clothes. It will be useful to you already in the hospital.

No need to torture your nipples during pregnancy by rubbing them with a terry towel, wearing rags in your bra and other manipulations with your breasts.

Examine the shape of your nipples: they may be flat or protruding.

A flat nipple will be more difficult for a baby to latch on to and will most likely require silicone breast pads so that the baby can draw on the milk. Don't worry that you will feed your baby all the time through these pads, after a couple of weeks the baby will pull on your nipples.

The most sensible advice for mothers when it comes to breastfeeding is to cook the head, not the chest.

Does the baby need formula?

What to do if the milk does not come? Here, rather, everything depends on the mother and the behavior of the child, if the child cries, perhaps he is hungry. The hospital staff will offer you to feed your baby. In principle, the baby has enough colostrum for the first days of life, but if it is not there, do not torment the child, feed the mixture and continue to apply.

What happens if a child loses weight?

Weight loss of 10% at the time of discharge is considered normal - the baby has edema , a lot of meconium comes out. Usually a baby gains 150-200 grams in the first week of life.

How can you tell if your baby is getting enough milk?

The main indicator that the baby is full is his good behavior. If the baby lets go of the breast after feeding, plays for a while, and then falls asleep, then he has enough milk. If the baby is capricious, sleeps poorly, you should think about the lack of milk.

The first and surest way to check is baby weights. The disadvantage of this method is the purchase of such scales, which are not cheap. You can ask your hospital if they rent weights or look in ads.

So, we weigh the baby before feeding and after, and by the difference we look at how much the baby ate. The norm for children under 4 months is 1/5 of their weight. For example, with a child weighing 3500 grams, his norm will be 700 grams of milk per day. With 7 feedings a day, the baby should gain about 100 grams after feeding.

The second method is the old method called “wet diapers”. There are two ways to carry out this method. The first involves the rejection of modern diapers for a day. You can buy a piece of gauze and make diapers, you can just put the child in sliders, by the way, in the sliders it will be clearly visible when the child has urinated. For example, we start the experiment at 7 am today and end at 7 am tomorrow. These days you need to feed the baby only breast milk and not give any more liquid.

Record the number of times the child has urinated on the tablet, so it is more convenient to count.

Do not worry that you will not succeed, be patient and dry things.

During the day you can do this:

- normal or disposable absorbent diapers can be used;

- the child may be dressed in a romper suit or gauze diaper;

It is better to cancel a walk in the cold season. In the summer, we cover the stroller with a diaper and take clean clothes with us.

At night it is more difficult, but it can be done really well. We act in the same way as with the stroller - we cover the bed with a diaper. It is better to prepare a supply of diapers for the night. You may have noticed that the child pees, when he comes out of deep sleep, he begins to move.

So the day has passed. Wet diapers will tell us if your baby is getting enough milk and if the kidneys are working well. Urine during the day can be transparent, and in the morning it can be more concentrated, that is, it can be yellow.

The number of urinations depends on the age of the child:

- 1-3 days a day 2-5 urinations;

- 3-6 days a day 4-8 urinations;

- 6-14 days a day approximately 12 urinations;

- after 14 days a day 12 or more urination .

Test result (after 14 days):

- 12 or more diapers - your lactation is normal;

- 8-10 diapers per day - lactation is reduced;

- less than 8 diapers - the baby does not have enough of your milk. Discuss supplementary feeding with your pediatrician.

The second method of counting urination baby is the weighing of wet diapers . Day collect use diapers , each of them is tightly tied in a bag to avoid evaporation of urine, feces are cleaned from diapers . In a day, we weigh the use of diapers and the same number of clean diapers . The difference between used and clean diapers is the amount of urine per day. Next, divide this number by 30 (the approximate weight of one urination) and get the number urination .

Such weighings are carried out either once to compile a general picture, or over a couple of days to dispel doubts that there is not enough milk. Weigh your child once a week.

What if the baby does not get enough breast milk?

First of all, calm down and don't panic. Next, if possible, find a lactation consultant. Perhaps you have the wrong feeding process. Perhaps the baby is not grasping the breast correctly, is the baby tightly pressed against your body with the tummy. It would seem nonsense, but perhaps the whole problem is precisely in this. Also, the consultant should examine your child, he may have a short bridle, the anatomy of the jaw, you may need to try other positions for comfort and proper grip. Also pay attention to how often you change breasts, perhaps the baby is sucking out your foremilk, which is less fat.

Increased lactation

In order to increase lactation, two breasts can be given in one feeding. In order to prevent the baby from sucking only the foremilk, it is necessary to monitor when the baby stops swallowing milk, but simply sucks at the breast

An equally important aspect is the calmness of the mother. Households should take care during these periods so that the mother does not get tired of household chores, help her in everything and be affectionate with her.

An excellent stimulation of lactation is facilitated by the fact that mother and baby feel each other's skin.

When a baby suckles, the mother's brain receives a signal about how much milk her child needs. If the baby is hungry, then, accordingly, he will suckle the breast more, in response to this, the mother's brain will send more hormones that stimulate milk production, which then send a command to your breast to produce more milk. This is the supply-demand system. That is why it is important not overdo it with hormone signals.

If you still need to stimulate the production of milk, then you can use lactogonal agents: fennel seeds, lactation teas, appilac .

Breast massage with oils also helps.

In bad weather, refuse to walk, lie in an embrace with the baby, this will also be a good stimulation.

If this does not help, then consider supplementing your baby with formula.

Complementary formula.

Formula supplementation is a type of infant feeding that combines breastfeeding and formula feeding. But the percentage of the mixture per day should not be more than 50%, otherwise such feeding will be considered artificial.

Supplementation with formula during breastfeeding is required temporarily. The task of the mother in this situation is to maintain lactation, and not transfer the child to the mixture.

In the first six months of a baby's life, he is prescribed supplementary feeding with formula, since it is not allowed to feed cereals and vegetable purees until six months. After six months, the issue of supplementary feeding is decided individually.

Start giving your baby some formula, approximately 15-30 grams per feeding. We monitor urination, if less than 8 times a day, then the same amount of the mixture should be added. If the baby urinates more than 15 times, then the amount of the mixture can be slightly reduced.

Offer the mixture strictly after breastfeeding. If he has not eaten it, then it is poured out and a new one is prepared for the next feeding. If the baby does not finish eating the formula on subsequent occasions, try removing it and doing the wet diaper test again.

Can full breastfeeding be brought back?

Moreover, this is what needs to be achieved. Lactation consultants have a lot of experience in transitioning from mixed to natural feeding. Of course, this is not a one-day job, mom needs to be patient, be confident in her abilities.

It is necessary to breastfeed before each feeding with the formula, gradually reducing its amount, but we also do a wet diaper test to understand if the baby is full. Applications during breaks should be very frequent.

So, to return to breastfeeding you need:

- to restore bodily contact;

- accustom the baby to the breast;

- gradually reduce the amount of supplementary feeding;

- disperse lactation.

How many months to breastfeed?

There is no consensus on the duration of breastfeeding. There are opinions that a child needs to be fed up to a year, others say that up to three years, others say until the moment the child refuses to breastfeed.

The World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding your baby until two years of age. But from 6 months of age, your milk can't provide all of your baby's nutritional needs, and it's time to introduce complementary foods.

Most often, a one-year-old child has only nighttime breastfeeding, as it is convenient for both mother and baby.

Benefits of long-term breastfeeding:

- nutritional value;

- protection against diseases;

- reducing the risk of allergies;

- the formation of the correct bite.

You should not stop breastfeeding if your baby is sick, it is during this period that your milk adjusts to his needs and can be the best medicine.

How to set up a milk bank?

Your lactation has picked up and now you have more than enough milk. In such a situation, we create a milk bank. To do this, you need a breast pump and airtight milk storage bags. You can even without a breast pump if you have learned how to pump with your hands. We express milk, seal it in an airtight bag and the supply is ready.

Breast milk can be stored this way for up to 3 months.

To feed your baby with such milk, you just need to take it out of the freezer and defrost it, warm it up a little and you can feed the baby.

Can I breastfeed my second child?

It's real. The main thing is to believe in yourself. It is best to find a lactation consultant who would help from the first days.

Is it necessary to follow the diet of a breastfeeding mother?

You need to eat more consistently during the first 2 weeks of your baby's life. Your diet should include cereals, not fatty meat, fish. Vegetables should not be bright colors.

Then gradually introduce one product into the diet and monitor the baby's reaction. If you are not prone to allergic reactions, then most likely your child is too.

Eating for two, as our grandmothers said, is not necessary. It is enough to increase your diet by 500 kilocalories.

The best diet during breastfeeding is proper nutrition with a varied diet.

Breast care while breastfeeding

No need to wash your breasts with soap before every feeding.

It is necessary to do air baths for the chest before feeding, so that the chest would rest from clothes.

You don't need to put nipple ointments on your breasts if your breasts are okay. We use ointment if there really are cracks. The best cream will be your milk. Just after each feeding, you need to squeeze out a little milk and lubricate the nipples with it.

Warm your breasts before feeding to help you relax and increase your milk supply.

If breastfeeding failed

The main thing is not to self-flagellate. You have done a great job in order to establish feeding and feed the baby with your milk.

The next step is to choose an adapted formula. Sometimes it takes a while to get the mix right.

The main thing to remember is that your baby will love you whether you breastfeed or formula feed him!

Stories of mothers who regret having children

• Jean Mackenzie, Nina Nazarova
• Victoria Derbyshire Program, BBC Russian Service

9 May 2018

Most parents admit that raising children is hard work. But at the same time, they argue, the joy that children bring outweighs all possible difficulties and problems. However, there are mothers who regret having children. Five women from the UK and Russia told what it's like to secretly repent of your motherhood.

Rachel

"If I could turn back time, I would never have kids," says Rachel, now in her fifties.

She has three children - the youngest of whom is now 17 - and has been a single mother most of the time.

Rachel admits she didn't think too much about how having children would affect her life

"There were times when I didn't feel mature enough to take responsibility for someone else - this little man who needed me to survive, - says the woman. - It seemed to me that motherhood is an endless cycle: you put a bottle or food in your child's mouth so that it comes out the other end - and at what point should it become fun? I just wanted to scream. If you dreamed of motherhood, then it's great - now you have everything you wanted. But if you do not have a motherly instinct, then you are trapped. "

Rachel admits that she didn't think too much about how having children would affect her life - if she understood that, she would never have given birth.

"But I feel guilty [for thinking that] because I love my children so much," she says.

"You realize you weren't a good mother, and that's the guilt you feel all the time, it never goes away. And you think, do your kids know about this?" Rachel says. "But life shouldn't be about to give up yourself and your freedom for their lives?"

The woman says it's hard to admit it to anyone because "people start thinking you're a bad person."

But Rachel desperately needs to connect with women who have experienced the same. "I felt very lonely. It seemed to me that something was wrong with me. If I could talk about it with someone who would understand me, it would be easier for me to cope with motherhood," she explains.

How often does this happen?

It is impossible to say exactly how many women feel this way, because few people talk about it openly.

In 2015, Israeli sociologist Orna Donat published a study talking to women who regret having children. She described these feelings as "an unexamined maternal experience."

Women interviewed claim that this is not the same as postpartum depression.

Alison

"I imagined a happy little family, a house with a garden and kids running to school - a fairy tale," says Alison. She was an adopted child and always dreamed of starting her own family. But having given birth to her first child - a son - she found that she did not experience maternal feelings. Desperate to get out of her new role, she returned to work just six months after giving birth.

Alison says she didn't know how to play with her child

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"I was thinking about taking the day off and leaving the baby with the nanny so I could have a day for myself," says the woman. "It's not that I didn't want to spend time with him I just didn't know what to do with him, how to play with him."

Alison and her husband did not want their son to be an only child and had another one. Now both boys are studying at the university.

A woman admits that if she had known what her motherhood would be like, she would not have given birth: "Other people's needs and desires come to the fore. The mantra of the last two decades has been: "If everyone is happy, then I am happy." Sometimes it's a bit annoying. I could have had a better career. But for 15 years I took the kids to and from school, it really limited my career growth"

Alison emphasizes that she loves her children, but admits that her nature is too selfish for motherhood.

According to her, many women don't talk about it for fear of being judged: "They don't want to be seen as selfish. The point is, if you don't want children, then you're a bad mother."

Joy, who gave birth to a daughter 20 years ago, soon realized that she did not want to be a mother. “Everyone talks about the wild fairy-tale love that they experience after the birth of a child. But I didn’t feel anything like that. I only felt a huge responsibility,” she says.

Joy claims she lacks maternal instincts

Joy struggles to look at her daughter's first years with love. “It was hard. Everyday hard work,” she recalls. “I think all mothers go through this, I just couldn’t find anything that could give me pleasure. It was dark.”

A woman thinks that she simply does not have a maternal instinct: "I don't seem to have the ability to be a loving, kind and warm mother. For a long time I thought maybe other mothers are just joking when they describe the joys of their motherhood, and one day they will tell the truth?"

Joy says she wanted to get back to work, pursue a career and start a business, and motherhood gave her extra trouble. The woman knows that her daughter often doubted her love. "But I love her. It's just that our connection is not so close," she says.

Joy believes that if more women were open about their feelings, they would be less pressured to become mothers. "There are more people like me than you think," she insists. "It would be really great if women were honest with themselves. If taking care of children and family is really important to you, then put your whole soul into it. But if you feel that this is not for you, then do not be afraid and don't be ashamed to stand up and say, "I'm not the type to want to be a mother. I don't want kids."

• Why Chinese mothers don't leave their homes after giving birth
• What does it mean to be a good mother in today's world?

Maria

Similar experiences occur in women of all ages and experiences, regardless of the country of residence.

According to Maria - she lives with her husband and two children in Moscow - in her case they were caused by the very specifics of the parent-child relationship, where the parent gives more than he receives.

"It is impossible to hide from these relationships or say "not this week" or "not today". and he doesn’t hear at all that mom has a headache or that mom doesn’t want to go for a walk,” the girl explains. “If we talk about the simplest things, now it seems fantastic to me that once I could take a shower whenever I want. Or, say, she wanted to rush to Suzdal and rushed.

According to Maria, neither movies nor mass media show motherhood realistically: they are either ideal women with ideal babies, or caricature tortured mothers, but also without details. As a result, when Maria had a son at the age of 29, she had "expectations of a gift baby."

"What did I think when I didn't have children? I thought that when a baby appeared in my life, I would cook super-healthy deflops with acai berries, and the child would sleep and not shine, and if he wakes up, he will look at the spinning mobile, then I will put it on the developing mat on my stomach, and it will lie and say “aha-aha,” the girl recalls with irony. “In short, I didn’t understand at all that it would be a person who very strong needs and who can do nothing at all to satisfy them. That he will need help to do everything: sleep, eat, poop, play, live. "

Image copyright, George Marks/Getty Images

Pop culture, mass media and advertising traditionally embellish motherhood

At the same time, society is very demanding on mothers literally from the first day of a child's life: "When my oldest was born son, he uttered the first cry and continued to scream - he almost does not stop now. And in the middle of the night a nurse ran in the maternity hospital: “Why is he screaming like that? What are you doing with him?" Of course, I immediately felt like a terrible mother."

Due to all these factors, after the birth of her son, Maria developed postpartum depression. "It was unbearable for me to be with the child. From two months he had a nanny six days a week for ten hours a day, and I panicked when the seventh day came, and I had to be left alone with him. "

Maria went to a psychotherapist and started taking antidepressants.

“As psychotherapy began to work and my level of awareness in parenthood increased, the nanny worked less,” the girl recalls. “By eight months she stayed twice a week for half a day, and by the year I completely abandoned the nanny, because my boundaries turned on, I realized that sometimes I have the right to refuse something to a child, that sometimes it’s okay to find a compromise. I stopped evaluating myself as a mother: I’m just the way I am. "

According to Maria, the main person with whom she can discuss her feelings is her husband: "He also openly tells me that sometimes you want to turn on the remote control for children and turn them off or cancel them." The girl is quite frank with her friends: “I can’t openly say that I regret that I have children, but I can say: “How cool it would be to go dancing until the morning now.” However, she does not count on the understanding of her parents and assumes that they are likely to condemn such feelings.

Now there are already two children in the family, and Maria was able to find a regimen that suits herself and, thanks to psychotherapy, get rid of shame for her emotions: "The feeling that I regret having children ceases to be predominant, but still this feeling happens And I learned to just accept it and not feel guilty for it."

Image copyright Sean Gallup/Getty Images

Young mothers often complain on social media that they can't shower or even go to the bathroom alone

Elena

For Elena from St. Petersburg, motherhood turned out to be connected with a "feeling of a cage" and "a virtual ban on oneself."

"In our culture, when a child is born, a woman loses her right to herself and becomes a 24/7 attendant. Both physically and emotionally," says a young mother of two children, eight and one and a half years old.

Elena explains that she repeatedly heard the words addressed to her: "Why did you give birth then?" - "The message is that if you are already harnessed, then you must completely pull everything, and your needs are somewhere in the background. You have no right to get tired. You have no right to your desires. And the worst thing is that the general domestic torture does not even give you the opportunity to remember your desires, and at some point you just stop wanting."

The woman relates this to the fact that caring for children is still considered the prerogative of mothers and, at best, grandmothers, but not fathers. “In words, everything is great, but in reality my husband has his own life,” says Elena. “He goes about his own business and can occasionally come up to pat the child on the head. Yes, he is ready to give all his best and earn money, but the real everyday life is completely on me "To the extent that how to wipe a child's bottom, he does not really understand. Of course, each wiped bottom is not important in itself, but in the end they add up in an endless series."

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The traditional division of roles in the family means that caring for children is exclusively a woman's responsibility. This can make mothers feel isolated.

In addition, mothers face the specific problems of being "totally overwhelmed". “I can’t stand it when they touch me with their hands. This is a feeling very familiar to mothers of young children - a feeling of being touched: when you are constantly touched, pinched, grabbed, someone is always on the handles,” Elena gives an example. “As a result, when a husband comes up and starts stroking my head, I just clench my teeth and wait for it to end. It is extremely difficult to explain this to a person without children. And most importantly, they will immediately ask me - how is it, these are your children, you love them, they are the same miraculous?"

A young woman admits that she now perceives even the pleasure of communicating with children as "a little Stockholm syndrome": "I can't do anything, I just completely lost myself, I don't understand what I want, what is happening the only desire is to hide somewhere and sit for five minutes so that no one touches me with their hands. But they are wonderful, but this is happiness. "

At the same time, according to Elena, until recently she could not even admit to herself such feelings, because "there is a huge taboo inside." The culture in which Elena was brought up implies that "children are automatically happiness, this is the main thing that we have in life, the most important thing." The first article that a parent is not always happy with his parenthood and that a parent has the right to be tired, caught the eye of a woman only a few years ago.

Now there are more and more such publications: Elena mentions the #happiness of motherhood group on VKontakte, where women anonymously share their experiences, and the online magazine "No, this is normal." She explains that an open conversation is extremely important to her: “The problem is the complete stigmatization of such thoughts - when you first encounter them, it seems that you are a freak, that everyone else is fine. Therefore, talking in the press is hellishly important.

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