Easily getting angry

Why Am I So Angry: Causes, Symptoms, and Treatments

Is anger healthy?

Everyone has experienced anger. The intensity of your anger can range from profound annoyance to extreme rage. It’s normal and healthy to feel angry from time to time in response to certain situations.

But sometimes people experience an uncontrollable anger that often escalates, especially when the provocation is minor. In this case, anger is not a normal emotion but a major problem.

Anger comes from a variety of sources and can vary widely. Some common anger triggers include:

personal problems, such as missing a promotion at work or relationship difficulties
a problem caused by another person such as cancelling plans
an event like bad traffic or getting in a car accident
memories of a traumatic or enraging event

In other cases, an anger problem may be caused by early trauma or events in a person’s life that have shaped their personality. In some cases, hormonal changes can also cause anger, as can certain mental disorders.

Some signs that your anger is not normal include:

anger that affects your relationships and social life
feeling that you have to hide or hold in your anger
constant negative thinking and focusing on negative experiences
constantly feeling impatient, irritated, and hostile
arguing with others often, and getting angrier in the process
being physically violent when you’re angry
threatening violence to people or their property
an inability to control your anger
feeling compelled to do, or doing, violent or impulsive things because you feel angry, such as driving recklessly or destroying things
staying away from certain situations because you’re anxious or depressed about your angry outbursts

Anger itself doesn’t constitute a mental disorder, so there’s no set diagnosis for anger problems in the new edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5).

However, it lists more than 32 mental disorders — such as borderline personality disorder and intermittent explosive disorder — that include anger as a symptom. It’s possible that your anger problem is caused by an underlying mental disorder.

If you don’t deal with your anger problem, it could one day escalate to a point where you do something extreme and regrettable. Violence is one possible outcome. You could get so angry that you end up hurting yourself or someone you care about without intending to do so.

If you suspect you have an anger problem, it’s important to seek professional help. Talk to your physician for a referral to a mental healthcare provider who will be able to help.

There are several helpful ways to control your anger at home.

Relaxation techniques

These include breathing deeply and picturing relaxing scenes in your mind. When trying to relax, breathe from deep within your lungs, inhaling and exhaling slowly in a controlled way. Repeat a calming word or phrase, such as “relax” or “take it easy.”

You may also want to visualize a relaxing experience, either from your memory or imagination. Slow, yoga-like exercises may also help relax your body and make you feel calmer.

Cognitive restructuring

Changing the way you think can change the way you express your anger. When a person feels angry, it’s often easy for them to think dramatically. It’s important to focus on expressing rational, rather than irrational, thoughts.

Avoid using the words “always” and “never” in your thoughts and speech. Such terms are inaccurate and can make you feel like your anger is justified, which makes it worse. These words can also hurt others who may be trying to help you arrive at a solution to your problem.

Problem solving

Anger can be caused by very real problems. While some anger is justified when something doesn’t go as planned, it’s not the anger that will help you fix the problem. The best way to approach a situation that’s making you angry is to not focus on the solution but to figure out how to address the problem.

You can do that by making a plan and checking in with it often so that you can check your progress often. Don’t get upset if the way the problem ends up getting resolved isn’t exactly the way you planned. Just make your best effort.

Communication

When people feel angry, they tend to jump to conclusions, which can be inaccurate. When you’re having an angry argument, slow down and think through your responses before lashing out. Remember to listen to the other person in the conversation. Good communication can help you resolve problems before your anger escalates.

A medical professional such as a psychiatrist or psychologist can recommend interventions to control your anger. Talk therapy can be helpful, as can anger management classes.

Anger management sessions can be taken in person or online. They can also be studied in a book. Anger management will teach you how to identify your frustrations early on and then resolve them. This may involve telling others, or yourself, what you need, while also staying calm and in charge of the situation (as opposed to having an angry outburst).

These sessions can be taken alone with a counselor or with a counselor accompanied by your partner or a group. The type, length, and number of sessions will depend on the program and your individual needs. This type of counseling can be brief or may last for several weeks or months.

When you begin the sessions, your counselor will help you identify your anger triggers and read your body and emotions for signs of anger. Noticing and checking in with these warning signs is one early step needed to help control your anger. Later on, you’ll learn behavioral skills and ways of thinking that will help you cope with your anger. If you have underlying mental health conditions, your counselor will also help you manage them, often making it easier to control your anger.

Anger doesn’t have to get in the way of you living a happy, full life. If you’re experiencing extreme anger, see your physician or mental healthcare provider. They will help you identify which professional therapies may be able to help you cope.

What’s more, there are many ways you can learn to control your anger at home. With time and a persistent effort, you’ll be able to more easily control your anger and improve your quality of life.

Why Am I So Angry: Causes, Symptoms, and Treatments

Is anger healthy?

But sometimes people experience an uncontrollable anger that often escalates, especially when the provocation is minor. In this case, anger is not a normal emotion but a major problem.

Anger comes from a variety of sources and can vary widely. Some common anger triggers include:

personal problems, such as missing a promotion at work or relationship difficulties
a problem caused by another person such as cancelling plans
an event like bad traffic or getting in a car accident
memories of a traumatic or enraging event

Some signs that your anger is not normal include:

anger that affects your relationships and social life
feeling that you have to hide or hold in your anger
constant negative thinking and focusing on negative experiences
constantly feeling impatient, irritated, and hostile
arguing with others often, and getting angrier in the process
being physically violent when you’re angry
threatening violence to people or their property
an inability to control your anger
feeling compelled to do, or doing, violent or impulsive things because you feel angry, such as driving recklessly or destroying things
staying away from certain situations because you’re anxious or depressed about your angry outbursts

Anger itself doesn’t constitute a mental disorder, so there’s no set diagnosis for anger problems in the new edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5).

If you suspect you have an anger problem, it’s important to seek professional help. Talk to your physician for a referral to a mental healthcare provider who will be able to help.

There are several helpful ways to control your anger at home.

Relaxation techniques

You may also want to visualize a relaxing experience, either from your memory or imagination. Slow, yoga-like exercises may also help relax your body and make you feel calmer.

Cognitive restructuring

Problem solving

Communication

A medical professional such as a psychiatrist or psychologist can recommend interventions to control your anger. Talk therapy can be helpful, as can anger management classes.

What’s more, there are many ways you can learn to control your anger at home. With time and a persistent effort, you’ll be able to more easily control your anger and improve your quality of life.

9 practical tips from a psychologist

From childhood, our parents constantly tell us that being angry is bad. Good boys and girls don't behave like that. Then we grow up and hold back, accumulate anger and aggression in ourselves, and in most cases we injure ourselves. How to deal with such feelings that arise almost every day?

Natatnik learned in detail about anger, what actually lies under this emotion and how to behave if you experience this feeling from a practicing psychologist and gestalt therapist Ekaterina Gritsanyuk . For 7 years of professional activity, Ekaterina managed to work at secondary school No. 28 with children with special needs of psychophysical development, at the Brest Pedagogical University of A.S. th narcological department in the Brest regional narcological dispensary. Today, the girl is on maternity leave and is actively engaged in individual and family counseling. nine0005

The psychologist explains that feelings are social, we do not have them from birth. They appear in the process of our upbringing, adaptation in society. If we are talking about anger, aggression and aggressiveness, then we should clearly see the difference between these three concepts. Anger Feeling when your most important need is not met or when your boundaries are violated. Those. you really want something and you don't get it. Anger can hide the need for love, resentment against a person, guilt and fear. In turn, aggression is action. You do something to get something (for example, start hitting another person, insulting). Anger and aggression are present in us from birth and have a protective function. For example, in order to compete with someone, you need to have aggression, at least understand about it. Aggressiveness is a personality trait that is formed in the process of socialization, development, depending on what environment you find yourself in.

Why does a person need feelings in general and what are their functions? nine0005

A signal to another person you are in contact with that something is going wrong between you. For example, if someone stepped on your foot, you show the other person with your anger that you are hurt and unpleasant.
Often, people are left with only the identification of feelings, the understanding that I am now angry. And then people very rarely realize that the feeling that has arisen is a hidden need for something that is not satisfied. And this applies to absolutely all feelings. For example, if we talk about anger, then it is better to react to it: yell at someone, for example. Just don't hold back. On the other hand, if a person constantly splashes out anger, nothing will change in his life, since the need is not satisfied anyway. nine0024
Feelings are an instrument of experiences. When you meet a friend, colleague, psychologist and in the process of contact express your feelings to them: cry, get angry, rejoice. It is important that you are experiencing with someone what is happening to you, and not into the void, alone, in the nose.

What to do if you are angry?

Breathe . Take a deep breath in and out a few times to bring oxygen to your brain. These 10 seconds of time provide an opportunity to get together and not utter harsh, aggressive words. This only works if there is minimal self-control skills. For example, when you cry, breathe well so that everything does not go into crying, understand what your tears are about. nine0024
Go to the gym to work out, run around the house. This is a good temporary way to respond to anger (aggression), and you will definitely feel better after physical activity . But if you do this constantly and do not understand what need is hidden under the feeling, nothing will change in life. You will also be angry, just like before.
Try to put yourself in the place of a person who is angry. Understand what is happening to him now, that he is experiencing intense feelings. If you are understand that you also have different states and feelings, then you will accept these feelings in another.
Write down in your diary the situations during the day that made you angry or aggressive. Answer the questions: what am I reacting to, why am I reacting this way? Thus, self-analysis of situations takes place. This method is well suited to those people who do not turn to a psychologist, do not discuss it with friends.
Draw with gouache and fingers, pen, pencil. In this way, you splash out energy on paper and for sure it will not harm anyone. nine0024
Sculpt from clay, plasticine, crumple paper, fabric.
Talk with another person about things that make you angry, irritating, pissed off, if there is such an opportunity and desire to talk.
Restrain anger, but understand why you are doing it at the moment. There are situations in life when you should remain silent, not interfere and step aside. For example, when there is a hierarchy, the boss yelled at you. In this situation, it is better not to enter into a conflict conversation, you need to wait, pause and return to this conversation in a calmer state. nine0024
In the event of a brewing conflict, when emotions are running high, take a break and eat something sweet calm down.

It is important to understand that all these methods are temporary relief. If you use them constantly, they stop working.

When a person asks how to cope with anger or aggression, he most often thinks about how it is not to feel at all. It's impossible not to get angry. A person cannot constantly rejoice, experience tenderness, love, etc. If anger is blocked in a person, it will still find a way out: most often through illness. For example, frequent tonsillitis may be evidence of retained feelings. A person’s throat is so tight and sore that he cannot talk to other people about his emotion: anger. nine0005

It is also important to know that there are no negative or positive feelings. All feelings are neutral, there is only an inappropriate form of expression with which a person communicates that he is now angry. To reiterate, underneath every emotion is your unmet need. If you understand what the need is and pay attention to it, then you won’t want to be angry.

Photo from the personal archive of Ekaterina Gritsanyuk, Natatnik

12 ways to calm down when everything infuriates

January 24 A life nine0005

Take a deep breath and get your anger under control.

You can listen to the short version of the article. If it's more convenient for you, turn on the podcast.

We all get angry. A colleague interrupted at a meeting, the boss refused a promotion, a loved one let you down in a difficult moment - you probably began to get annoyed just remembering how something similar happened to you. And sometimes feeling angry is necessary. It gives strength to defend oneself and others in the face of injustice. This is a valid emotion, and you should not judge yourself for it. nine0005

But there is no need to blindly succumb to it. Sometimes anger paralyzes you so that you can't do anything and you lose control of the situation. Try one of the following methods to calm yourself down when you feel your emotions running high again.

1. Ask yourself if your anger is reasonable.

Take a few deep breaths and think about why you are angry.

“Before trying to get rid of anger, try to determine how reasonable it is,” advises psychologist Lauren Appio. Would it be natural for another person to be angry in such a situation? If yes, then you too. Such recognition does not mean that now you can lose your temper. It will simply help you understand your own needs.” nine0005

2. Consider whether anger masks other feelings

For example, fear, pain, or embarrassment. Such emotions make us feel weak, and we want to hide them. Try to breathe through your anger, but do nothing under its influence. Look under it. If you find another feeling there, deal with it: accept your feelings, change the situation, or express needs. Then the anger will subside.

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10 Acting Practices That Will Help You Masterly Express Your Emotions

3. Get out of the room

Change the scenery or simply move away from what fuels your anger. According to psychotherapist Anita Avedian, a walk in nature is especially useful in this case. It will help your body produce endorphins, hormones of joy that reduce the sensation of pain.

If a fit of anger occurs during a quarrel, do not leave silently. Let them know you need to be alone and let them know when you'll be back. nine0005

4. Talk to your inner child

Don't dismiss this advice. According to psychologist Margaret Paul, being angry at another person can be a signal that you are not taking care of yourself in a difficult situation. Talking to your inner child will help you identify what is wrong and be kinder to yourself.

“Imagine that the angry part of you is a hysterical child who really needs compassion,” advises Paul. “Imagine hugging him with kindness and compassion. Ask him why he is mad at you. You didn't stand up for yourself? Made a concession instead of honestly expressing your opinion? Are you ignoring your negative experiences? Once you understand the cause of your anger, it will be easier for you to let it go. nine0005

5. Identify the physical signals of your anger

Most people don't realize their anger until they do what it makes them do. Most likely, you also lashed out at someone, and then were amazed at your behavior. To prevent this from happening again, watch how your body physically expresses the emotion. For example, you tense your shoulders or jaw, bite your lip, or clench your hands into fists. Or maybe you lose the ability to think clearly and see only the object of your anger.

Write down these signals - this will help you quickly recognize them in the future. And to cope with such physical manifestations right now, breathe deeply and try to relieve tension from the muscles. nine0005

6. Relax the body

Tense the muscles of different parts of the body for five seconds, and then relax. Move in order: shoulders, forearms, hands, hips, shins, feet. This will help relieve physical tension and calm down.

Find out more 🧘‍♀️

How to relax in 5 minutes: a simple relaxation technique

7. Watch something funny

Surely you have been in a situation where, in the midst of a quarrel, a loved one suddenly joked and the atmosphere was instantly discharged. Of course, if you're fighting over something serious, it's likely to only complicate things. But if you're angry over something as simple as unwashed dishes, it might work. Try watching an episode of your favorite comedy series or a funny YouTube video. It is possible that the anger will disappear.

8. Listen to yourself

Maybe you didn't get enough sleep, did you have a hard day or are you just hungry? In this state, it is easy to get angry because of some little thing, misunderstand the words of others and react irritably. Therefore, it is worth taking a nap or eating before you start a difficult conversation or go to a meeting with someone who can make you angry.

9. Consider whether the object of anger is really trying to hurt you

We have all taken a remark from a friend or partner too harshly at least once, especially if we felt bad or worried about work. Before reacting, stop and evaluate whether this person really wanted to hurt you. Most likely, you will notice that your stressed brain simply took this as a threat and tried to protect you. This will cool the anger. nine0005

Learn 😑