How can i help my child who is being bullied

Warning Signs for Bullying | StopBullying.gov

There are many warning signs that may indicate that someone is affected by bullying—either being bullied or bullying others. Recognizing the warning signs is an important first step in taking action against bullying. Not all children who are bullied or are bullying others ask for help.

It is important to talk with children who show signs of being bullied or bullying others. These warning signs can also point to other issues or problems, such as depression or substance abuse. Talking to the child can help identify the root of the problem.

Signs a Child Is Being Bullied

Look for changes in the child. However, be aware that not all children who are bullied exhibit warning signs.

Some signs that may point to a bullying problem are:

Unexplainable injuries
Lost or destroyed clothing, books, electronics, or jewelry
Frequent headaches or stomach aches, feeling sick or faking illness
Changes in eating habits, like suddenly skipping meals or binge eating. Kids may come home from school hungry because they did not eat lunch.
Difficulty sleeping or frequent nightmares
Declining grades, loss of interest in schoolwork, or not wanting to go to school
Sudden loss of friends or avoidance of social situations
Feelings of helplessness or decreased self esteem
Self-destructive behaviors such as running away from home, harming themselves, or talking about suicide

If you know someone in serious distress or danger, don’t ignore the problem. Get help right away.

Signs a Child is Bullying Others

Kids may be bullying others if they:

Get into physical or verbal fights
Have friends who bully others
Are increasingly aggressive
Get sent to the principal’s office or to detention frequently
Have unexplained extra money or new belongings
Blame others for their problems
Don’t accept responsibility for their actions
Are competitive and worry about their reputation or popularity

Why don't kids ask for help?

Statistics from the 2018 Indicators of School Crime and Safety - PDF show that only 20% of school bullying incidents were reported. Kids don’t tell adults for many reasons:

Bullying can make a child feel helpless. Kids may want to handle it on their own to feel in control again. They may fear being seen as weak or a tattletale.
Kids may fear backlash from the kid who bullied them.
Bullying can be a humiliating experience. Kids may not want adults to know what is being said about them, whether true or false. They may also fear that adults will judge them or punish them for being weak.
Kids who are bullied may already feel socially isolated. They may feel like no one cares or could understand.
Kids may fear being rejected by their peers. Friends can help protect kids from bullying, and kids can fear losing this support.

Facts About Bullying | StopBullying.gov

This section pulls together fundamental information about bullying, including:

Definition
Research on Bullying
Bullying Statistics
Bullying and Suicide
Anti-Bullying Laws

Definition of Bullying

In 2014, the Centers for Disease Control and Department of Education released the first federal definition of bullying. The definition includes three core elements:

unwanted aggressive behavior
observed or perceived power imbalance
repetition or high likelihood of repetition of bullying behaviors

This definition helps determine whether an incident is bullying or another type of aggressive behavior or both.

Research on Bullying

Bullying prevention is a growing research field that investigates the complexities and consequences of bullying. Important areas for more research include:

Prevalence of bullying in schools
Prevalence of cyberbullying in online spaces
How bullying affects people
Risk factors for people who are bullied, people who bully others, or both
How to prevent bullying
How media and media coverage affects bullying

What We’ve Learned about Bullying

Bullying affects all youth, including those who are bullied, those who bully others, and those who witness bullying. The effects of bullying may continue into adulthood.
There is not a single profile of a young person involved in bullying. Youth who bully can be either well connected socially or marginalized, and may be bullied by others as well. Similarly, those who are bullied sometimes bully others.
Solutions to bullying are not simple. Bullying prevention approaches that show the most promise confront the problem from many angles. They involve the entire school community—students, families, administrators, teachers, and staff such as bus drivers, nurses, cafeteria and front office staff—in creating a culture of respect. Zero tolerance and expulsion are not effective approaches.
Bystanders, or those who see bullying, can make a huge difference when they intervene on behalf of someone being bullied.
Studies also have shown that adults can help prevent bullying by talking to children about bullying, encouraging them to do what they love, modeling kindness and respect, and seeking help.

Bullying Statistics

Here are federal statistics about bullying in the United States. Data sources include the Indicators of School Crime and Safety: 2019 (National Center for Education Statistics and Bureau of Justice) and the 2017 Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance System (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention).

How Common Is Bullying

About 20% of students ages 12-18 experienced bullying nationwide.
Students ages 12–18 who reported being bullied said they thought those who bullied them:
- Had the ability to influence other students’ perception of them (56%).
- Had more social influence (50%).
- Were physically stronger or larger (40%).
- Had more money (31%).

Bullying in Schools

Nationwide, 19% of students in grades 9–12 report being bullied on school property in the 12 months prior to the survey.
The following percentages of students ages 12-18 had experienced bullying in various places at school:
- Hallway or stairwell (43. 4%)
- Classroom (42.1%)
- Cafeteria (26.8%)
- Outside on school grounds (21.9%)
- Online or text (15.3%)
- Bathroom or locker room (12.1%)
- Somewhere else in the school building (2.1%)
Approximately 46% of students ages 12-18 who were bullied during the school year notified an adult at school about the bullying.

Cyberbullying

Among students ages 12-18 who reported being bullied at school during the school year, 15 % were bullied online or by text.
An estimated 14.9% of high school students were electronically bullied in the 12 months prior to the survey.

Types of Bullying

Students ages 12-18 experienced various types of bullying, including:

- Being the subject of rumors or lies (13. 4%)
- Being made fun of, called names, or insulted (13.0%)
- Pushed, shoved, tripped, or spit on (5.3%)
- Leaving out/exclusion (5.2%)
- Threatened with harm (3.9%)
- Others tried to make them do things they did not want to do (1.9%)
- Property was destroyed on purpose (1.4%)

State and Local Statistics

Follow these links for state and local figures on the following topics:

Bullied on School Property, Grades 9-12
Cyberbullied, Grades 9-12

International Statistics

According to the UNESCO Institute of Statistics:

One third of the globe’s youth is bullied; this ranges from as low as 7% in Tajikistan to 74% in Samoa.
Low socioeconomic status is a main factor in youth bullying within wealthy countries.
Immigrant-born youth in wealthy countries are more likely to be bullied than locally-born youth.

Bullying and Suicide

The relationship between bullying and suicide is complex. The media should avoid oversimplifying these issues and insinuating or directly stating that bullying can cause suicide. The facts tell a different story. It is not accurate and potentially dangerous to present bullying as the “cause” or “reason” for a suicide, or to suggest that suicide is a natural response to bullying.

Research indicates that persistent bullying can lead to or worsen feelings of isolation, rejection, exclusion, and despair, as well as depression and anxiety, which can contribute to suicidal behavior.
The vast majority of young people who are bullied do not become suicidal.
Most young people who die by suicide have multiple risk factors.
For more information on the relationship between bullying and suicide, read “The Relationship Between Bullying and Suicide: What We Know and What it Means for Schools” from the CDC.

Anti-Bullying Laws

All states have anti-bullying legislation. When bullying is also harassment and happens in the school context, schools have a legal obligation to respond to it according to federal laws.

How to deal with bullying at school - Own

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Every third child in Russia experiences bullying at school. At the same time, only every tenth parent knows about the problem. Adults, including teachers and school principals, may not notice the problem or simply turn a blind eye to it. As a result, classmates humiliate the child every day and play football with his briefcase, and this child can then commit suicide or come to school with a gun. Together with psychologist Anastasia Tutik, we figure out why children are silent about problems and how to help them. nine0005

How bullying differs from ordinary conflict

Children sometimes quarrel. They may push, yell at each other, and even fight—and that's okay. If today Petya and Misha called each other names, and tomorrow they play football together, this is not bullying, but a conflict. It is impossible to completely avoid conflicts between children. Yes, and it’s not necessary: conflicts teach them to cope with aggression, defend their rights and put up.

Bullying is aggressive behavior that is repeated constantly. At the same time, the forces of children are not equal, that is, some act as aggressors and mock others - victims. And these roles remain unchanged. Bullying does not teach anything good, it only hurts. nine0005

Characteristic features of bullying:

emotional or physical abuse. It can be insults, jokes, gossip, as well as fights and skirmishes;
bullying occurs constantly and is directed at the same person;
the class either supports the aggressor and also poisons the victim, or pretends that nothing is happening.

Many adults believe that “it's just how kids are now” or reduce bullying to the problems of individual children. For example, they believe that “Sasha is beaten at home by his drunk father, so he takes revenge on a classmate” or “It is not surprising that everyone laughs at Ksyusha, she stutters and cannot stand up for herself. ” But bullying is always a system error. When a child is bullied at school, there is not only an aggressor and a victim, but also observers. Classmates and teachers support the conflict in one way or another—even if they don’t get into it and think that everything that happens does not concern them. nine0005

Parents who believe that the problem is exaggerated should imagine the following situation:

An adult comes to work, but no one greets him. Colleagues turn away, laugh behind him. When a person sits down at his desk, it turns out that the wire from his monitor is cut. A person asks his colleagues what happened, if they saw who did it, but everyone is silent and pretends not to hear anything. He goes to the boss to warn him about the problem, but the boss only screams because the subordinate came to him with some nonsense and cannot figure out the situation himself. nine0020
When a person brings an office equipment specialist to the office, it turns out that the wire is intact. The master looks at him like a fool, and his colleagues choke with laughter. The person blushes, gets nervous and goes to the toilet to calm down. And when he returns, he sees that the things from his bag are scattered along the corridor.
He tries to complain to his friends and to the labor inspectorate, and in response he gets: “You need to be able to get along with colleagues” or “It will pass, be patient.”

At the same time, an adult has experience and competencies - he knows where to turn for help and, in the end, can simply quit. And a child who is bullied every day at school cannot do anything about it. nine0005

Svetlana, 35 years old:

— Our class was the strongest in terms of academic performance, but at the same time the most unmanageable. Me and two other guys were constantly spread rot for any reason. My family is not rich, I wore clothes for my older sisters, and my classmates scoffed at this, saying: “Maybe you can take a doormat, it will go on your skirt” or “My socks are torn here. Do you want me to give you? Pass it on to your children." The instigator of the bullying was a boy named Dima, and everyone else followed him. I remember how he approached me at physical education and said: "If you fail the class and pass the baton badly, I will kill you." nine0005

I was scared. I told my parents about it, but they advised me to be smarter, to laugh it off in response, they said that the ability to laugh at yourself is a very important quality.

The teachers also ignored the problem. Once classmates poured a bucket of water on me. I went up to the teacher and asked to go home to change. The teacher replied: “Oh, don’t make it up, the clothes will dry anyway.” So I sat through all the lessons wet. It was cold and disgusting, and classmates were laughing. nine0005

In high school, I tried to fight back— shouted, cursed, but because of this, the bullying became stronger. Then I applied to another school, but did not pass English well. The director of this school contacted my parents and said that they were ready to accept me if I improved my English with a tutor. My parents decided that I could not cope, and they left me in the old school.

One day I plucked up the courage and asked Dima why he constantly mocks me. He said, "It's just that there are people who are disgusting in themselves," and you're one of them. nine0005

After the ninth grade, many guys from Dima's retinue went to college, he stopped bullying me and other classmates. When I remember my school years, I shake, bullying affected me a lot. Now, when I encounter aggression, I fall into a stupor and feel like a defenseless schoolgirl, not an adult woman.

Anyone can become a victim of school bullying - just like an aggressor. Parents may think that the child has good and friendly classmates, but in reality they spit after the child or take money from him. The prestige of the school will not protect the child either - bullying exists both in paid schools and in elite lyceums. That's why it's so important to be able to recognize the signs of bullying. nine0005

Things to watch out for

When a child is bullied at school, they get very nervous. And if he does not say anything to his parents, this tension will accumulate, affect his behavior and mood. For example, a quiet and calm child may begin to snap and be rude. For young children, psychosomatic manifestations are characteristic - vomiting, headache.

Here are a few more signs to look out for. A child is more likely to be bullied at school if they:

does not want to go to school;
begins to study worse;
becomes withdrawn, taciturn;
sleeps badly—cannot sleep or has nightmares;
comes home with torn or dirty clothes;
begins to undereat or overeat;
unable or unwilling to explain where bruises or cuts appeared on his body;
spends most of his time at home, not making friends with anyone.

These signs do not always indicate that a child is being bullied at school. Sometimes this happens at a transitional age or during the period of adaptation in a new class. Whatever the reason behind it, any change in the child's behavior is a signal that something is not right. nine0005

Why children are silent

Children who are bullied at school rarely ask for help. This is not always associated with upbringing and family relationships, but this option cannot be ruled out either. For example, if a father teaches a boy that a real man does not cry or complain, the child will keep everything to himself. And if a mother comes home from work annoyed, the child will not tell her about the problem, so as not to anger her even more.

The child's silence may depend on age. For example, teenagers prefer to solve problems themselves, while younger children are often afraid of upsetting their parents. nine0005

There are other options. Perhaps the child is silent because:

intimidated—the offender said that if the child complains to someone, he will ruin his whole life;
doesn't want to be a snitch — thinks it's bad to complain;
thinks that if his parents intervene, he will be bullied even more;
is embarrassed to admit that he cannot cope on his own;
blames himself - believes that the reason is that something is wrong with him and he deserves it; nine0020
is afraid to tell his parents why he is being bullied — for example, if classmates joke that the girl allegedly had many sexual partners;
yields to the authority of an adult— when the child is offended by the teacher, who thinks that the adult is always right. A teacher can be both an aggressor and a conflict instigator among children—for example, if he compares students with each other, makes remarks, sticks labels, or highlights favorites.

A child may remain silent about bullying for a variety of reasons, so it is important to pay attention to any changes in their behavior. nine0005

Kostya, 28 years old:

— I had a good family, my parents rarely quarreled and always took care of me. Mom knitted to order, dad worked at the factory.

In junior high, I wore braces and was generally clumsy, so I was teased, but my parents supported me. I also had friends in the yard, so I didn't worry too much.

When I was 10 years old, my father went somewhere and did not return. He is still considered missing. Mom was out of her mind, I felt lost and withdrawn. All the teachers knew what had happened, but they didn’t tell anyone in the class, gossip spread that our father left us and went to his mistress. nine0005

They stopped teasing me for having crooked teeth, but they started harassing me: taking away my bag, beating me if I resisted, insulting me and calling me a whiner. Sometimes friends from the yard were next to these offenders, but they just watched silently. And then they also began to mock me.

The teachers knew about it, but they ignored it. The school psychologist asked how I was doing, if anyone offended me, but I didn’t say anything, and he simply stopped calling me to him.

I didn’t go out for a walk, I started to stutter, I could cry in class at 9ninth grade—not to sob, but shed a tear when the teacher scolded me for writing the test badly. I became a loser, and the teachers only added fuel to the fire: they said in front of everyone that I had completely gotten out of hand and that I had no future. The disappearance of my father severely crippled my mother, and she also worked two jobs, so she was not up to my problems at school.

I grew up as an outcast and very angry with everyone. I have never been to a reunion and continue to hate teachers and classmates.

The school will end, but the consequences of bullying will not go anywhere. If the child is not helped to cope with the problem in time, he will grow up insecure, will suffer from depression or auto-aggressive behavior - he will take out the aggression on himself.

How to talk to your child

If a parent suspects that a child is being bullied, the first step is to talk to them about it, rather than running to school and making a fuss. You can’t ask the child in the forehead, put pressure on him and arrange interrogations - so he will close even more. nine0005

When talking about bullying, it is important to consider the age of the child. If he is in elementary school, you can find out everything through the game, for example, through a fairy tale with agreement. The name of the main character should be consonant with the name of the child, so that it would be easier for him to associate himself with him. For example, the child's name is Vasya, and the character of the fairy tale is Vanya. The tale should sound something like this:

On a warm autumn morning, the boy Vanya goes to school and thinks that . .. On the way to the classroom, Vanya meets a classmate Dima, and the boys ... When Vanya was called to the blackboard in a mathematics lesson, the teacher told him that ... Vanya is at recess ...

All gaps must be filled in by the child. If he says that he does not know what happened next, and refuses to finish, this is a defensive reaction. Then the parent needs to be told: “Let's think of it, it's a fairy tale. What would you imagine?" It is important to show the child that this is a game so that he relaxes. Through supposedly invented answers, the child will tell the parent about what worries him.

A different approach is needed with a high school student. It is important to establish a safe zone, establish emotional contact, and only then gently ask. Even if the child does not want to talk about the problem, parents need to say that it is important for them and that the child is not to blame for anything. For example, say: “It seems to me that something is happening to you, and I am worried. I know for sure that the reason is not you. If something goes wrong, you don't have to deal with it yourself. Asking for help is normal, adults should deal with difficult situations.” nine0005

The child doesn't need parents to promise to "break up" the offender, the school, and everyone around. It can be difficult to contain emotions, but a child needs a calm adult, next to whom he feels safe, knows that he is understood and that his parents are on his side. You should not immediately take the problem into your own hands, you need to ask the child what he would like to do - this will give him a sense of control over the situation.

There is no magic phrase that will help to instantly talk a child — it will take time to establish emotional contact with a child. You need to pay attention to children all the time, and not pester with questions five minutes before leaving the house. It is necessary to gather with the whole family more often, be interested in the opinion of the child on various issues and not try to control his every step. nine0005

But all these methods are more suitable for prevention: so that the problem does not start to grow and the child knows that he can always turn to his parents. If everything is obvious and the child regularly comes home with bruises, you should not wait until he wants to open up to his parents - it is better to immediately contact a psychologist.

How not to react

You can’t look for the reason for bullying in a child, think that he behaved somehow wrong, since he is being bullied.

How not to talk	Why it doesn't work
Just ignore it. They will get bored and stop playing jokes on you.	Avoiding the situation and hoping that it will pass by itself is a bad strategy. When parents say this, children feel abandoned, as if they are left alone with the offender. In addition, if a child is constantly told that he is stupid, and the parents do not interfere in this, sooner or later the child will believe that it is so. nine0156
You need to learn how to manage on your own, dad is not eternal. Fight back, only the weak are bullied.	This advice is usually given to boys. Because of this, they tend to suppress their feelings, which eventually leads to anxiety and depression. And such an answer shifts all responsibility to the child.
All children go through this. You just have a transitional age, it will pass.	Bullying is not a common occurrence that a child should take for granted. A child who is taught to endure unfair treatment will be bullied into adulthood. nine0156

Parents want to raise their child to be self-reliant, independent and courageous. But since a child is being bullied, it means that he cannot fight back on his own and he needs help. No child wants to be a victim, and if he could solve the problem alone, he would.

What to do next

First, you can try to talk to the abuser's parents. If they do not take the problem seriously and believe that their child is an angel, it is worth enlisting the support of the school and talking with the class teacher. This should be done politely and calmly, because the main goal is to solve the child's problem, and not throw out your anger. In a conversation with a teacher, it is important to discuss the strategy: specific steps and deadlines. nine0005

Wrong

Correct

Do you even know what's going on in your class?!

How did you let this happen, what kind of teacher are you! We entrusted you with our child, and what about you?

My child does not eat, does not sleep, constantly cries, and all because someone cannot do their job normally!

My daughter said that her classmate was bullying her, while other girls were just watching. Did you know about it? nine0002 What are you doing to solve the problem?

I saw that this girl created a Vkontakte group where she uploads photos of my daughter with all sorts of offensive inscriptions. The photos were taken at the lesson and during breaks. What are you planning to do with it?

If conversations with the teacher did not lead to anything, you can create a conciliation commission. In this case, parents, school administration, mediators and psychologists gather to resolve the conflict. The students themselves can also be members of the commission. The decision that will be made at the meeting will become binding on the school grounds. nine0005

The teacher can also be the offender, and then it is more difficult to solve the problem. First you need to understand whether he is really behaving unprofessionally or the child is overreacting to comments. It is worth talking to the parents of classmates to find out how they see the situation. If there is a problem, contact the principal of the school; if this does not work, contact the local education department and administration.

Sometimes parents find it easier to transfer their child to another school because publicity and hype can only increase bullying. It is not always so. Bullying exists because of impunity. Usually the problem is solved as soon as the offender is brought to justice. However, if the school cannot help and bullying continues, the most important thing is to keep the child safe. You can transfer him to another school and continue to solve the problem. nine0005

Nastya, 19 years old:

— In elementary school, I had a very stern teacher, she could yell at us for no reason, say something rude, hit with a ruler or throw chalk at someone. She liked to add the word "pan" to the names of the boys. Once she called a boy with the surname Nosov to the board and asked: "Well, Mr. Nosov, what are you going to tell us today?" The class laughed, and the nickname "diarrhea" was assigned to the boy for a long time.

The teacher called the girls "secrets", I did not understand what it meant, and asked my parents. Parents were shocked and began to ask about what was happening in our class. After that, they decided to talk to the teacher, but the director was on her side and did not see any problem. Then my parents said that if the teacher starts screaming or hitting someone with a ruler, I should write it all down on my phone. I did so. nine0005

With the notes, the parents immediately went to the city administration - they knew that it was pointless to expect help from the director. The question arose about the dismissal of the teacher, but suddenly half the class was against it. Many parents believed that strictness was not bad, and that the teacher was a strong teacher who would provide us with a good future, so we can be patient.

The teacher was eventually fired, but it only got worse. If earlier my classmates and I had a common enemy - a strict classmate, now my family and I have become an outcast. Parents were ignored at meetings, removed from the general chat. They constantly made fun of me: they said that the new class teacher gives me fives only because of the fear that I will film her too. Probably, the children simply repeated what they heard at home from their parents. nine0005

Our town is small, and there was no point in transferring to another school. Therefore, the whole family moved to another city.

Some parents who have experienced bullying at school advise to immediately remove the child from the educational institution. They believe that it is pointless to fight bullying—if it exists, it means that teachers and administration have failed to build the right relationship between students. Which means the problem will reappear. Therefore, you need to look not just for a new school, but also for a good class teacher. Ideally, he is able to set the rules of life in the classroom and control them, take responsibility. It is almost impossible to determine this immediately. You can focus on the teacher's desire to solve the problem - if it is not less than that of the parents, then there is a chance that the situation will not happen again. nine0005

If talking doesn't work

Bullying at school doesn't just ruin a person's life. They can lead to suicide or lead to mental disorders, due to which the child will sit on antidepressants. Therefore, if the school does not protect the child or does not respond to the situation, it is necessary to move on to legal and legal measures.

This will require evidence — correspondence, testimonies of other parents or children, dictaphone recordings of conversations, recorded beatings, damaged things. Emotional bullying, when a child is called names, gossiped about, or ignored, is more difficult to prove than physical bullying. nine0005

Here's what you can do if you can't solve a problem at the school level.

Write to officials. Send an application to the Department of Education in the city or region; to Rosobrnadzor and the territorial department of Rospotrebnadzor; contact the regional commissioner for children's rights.

The application can be written in free form. The main thing is to tell what happened and attach the evidence that you managed to collect.

Officials will review the application within 30 days of receipt. They can check the actions of teachers and the school administration, control how the school respects the rights of students and whether they do so at all. If, as a result, it turns out that teachers and the school administration did not comply with the requirements of the Law on Education - they did not contribute to resolving the conflict or took part in it themselves - they will be brought to administrative responsibility. nine0005

Contact NPO. In many regions of Russia there are non-profit organizations that deal with issues of bullying in schools. They help to understand the problem and offer effective ways to solve it. NPOs will also tell you which regulations to refer to in an application to the prosecutor's office.

Write to the police and the prosecutor's office. If a child comes home with scratches, bruises, abrasions, burns and other injuries, it is better to contact the police and the prosecutor's office. nine0005

The Public Prosecutor's Office also monitors compliance with the Education Act. It says that the school must ensure the safety of the child during the training.

The police must be contacted if the child's health has been moderately or more severely harmed. The police will conduct an investigation and decide whether to open a criminal case.

To attract public attention. Write posts on social networks, contact journalists. Publicity can speed up resolution of the problem. nine0005

What should you do if your child is being bullied at school?

On Children's Day we tell how to protect children from bullying

The word "bullying" began to appear in the media not so long ago. Although the phenomenon itself is far from new. Bullying occurred among children and adolescents in different years. Aggressive and sometimes cruel behavior of children became the subject of reflections of writers and filmmakers. Suffice it to recall "A Clockwork Orange" by Burgess, "Lord of the Flies" by Golding or the film "Scarecrow", well known to the Russian audience. nine0005

According to various data, from 36 to 51% of schoolchildren faced harassment and bullying. The most common form of bullying was insults - 77%. In 61% of cases, aggression took the form of humiliation, in 24% - physical violence, in 11% of cases bullying was recorded on a video camera, and 25% of bullying situations took place on the Internet.

On Children's Day, together with the "Together Against Bullying" project, TASS tells how to protect a child from persecution.

Most often bullied is the one who is somehow different from the majority: physically (different skin color, eye shape, build), unusual way of dressing, lack of fashionable clothes or gadgets, someone who thinks too independently. Even an incomplete family can become a reason to start bullying. Closed children often suffer, who have few friends, children at home who do not know how to communicate in a team, and in general, everyone whose behavior does not look like the behavior of the offender. nine0005

It is not necessary to correct any features of the child. This will be perceived by the offenders as a sign of weakness and low self-esteem, which means it will only prove that their actions affect something. In addition, if you wish, you can get to the bottom of any person, because each of us is different from the others.

Ideally, of course, it is better to learn about this from your child. This requires a trusting relationship so that the child feels your sincere interest not only in his grades, but also in his feelings and sensations. To the template questions "How are you at school?" and "Does anyone offend you there?" the child is unlikely to answer sincerely. Ask with whom the child sits together, did he play with someone at school, is he interested in the lessons and at school in general, does he like his class. These questions will help your child understand that you are sincerely interested in what he cares about. nine0005

If there is no relationship in which the student can, without embarrassment, without fear of harsh comments, tantrums and tears, the phrase "it's his own fault," tell you what worries him, there are several signs by which bullying can be suspected:

Bruises and scratches, the appearance of which the child cannot clearly explain, says that he does not remember, etc.
The child often "loses" or "spoils" things that he brings to school, brings broken equipment from school.
The child is looking for an excuse not to go to school, pretending to be sick. nine0020
The child does not eat at school and his eating behavior changes in general.
Academic performance decreases, interest in studies is lost.
Emotional depression, withdrawal, low self-esteem, nightmares, insomnia.

First, bullying can turn into a form of physical violence, that is, lead to injury. The second danger is harder to notice, but no less serious. This is a severe emotional state that can lead to very tragic consequences, and psychological trauma. The object of bullying forms complexes. The child begins to believe that he deserved a bad attitude towards himself, to think that the reason for what is happening is in him. Bullying forms anxiety disorders, phobias, depression, and a feeling of loneliness. nine0005

Bullying interferes with learning, the child has no time for classes: he would like to survive at school.

Those who have gone through rejection of the collective remember this all their lives. Whether bullying turns into trips to a psychologist and problems with communication in adulthood depends largely on the correct behavior of adults. If school teachers could not immediately stop bullying in the team, then parental intervention is necessary.

At some point, offenders can really fall behind, but it is not a fact that by this time something will remain of self-esteem and self-respect. Therefore, the situation requires the intervention of adults. nine0005

In a conversation with the child, explain that it is not his fault, and only weak people choose methods of attack and violence.

Instructions from a mother who stopped bullying against her son, Natalia Tsymbalenko, describe how to prepare for protecting a child, including in court:

Gather evidence (screenshots, testimonies from classmates and witnesses, conclusions about broken things, photographs) , information about beatings).
Contact the class teacher, school psychologist, parents of students who have perpetrated bullying. Talk about the situation, come up with a plan of action. nine0020
If the phrase "Children have to figure it out themselves" sounds, but it was not possible to find a common language and the situation does not change, contact a psychologist for a conclusion about the serious psychological condition and moral harm that the child received. It is important to understand that a psychologist must have a license, then his opinion will matter in court.
Start writing complaints. First, to the school in the name of the director. If it didn’t help, to the commission on juvenile affairs of the district government, to the governing council of the school and to the inspector for juvenile affairs. nine0020
If it didn't help, complain about the inaction of representatives of state institutions to the department of education, to the prosecutor's office, to the commissioner for human rights in the city.
At the same time, it is necessary to create a public outcry - it will force the authorities to move and help the parents of the "buller" to understand that the attitude to the situation needs to be reconsidered. Write posts on social networks, contact journalists and media that cover social topics.

In any case, the "case" must be completed to the end in order to stop new cases of bullying and to give your child the impression that the situation was resolved in his favor. nine0005

Show that you are always on the side of the child and are ready to help him, deal with difficulties to the end, even if it is not easy. The phrases "be patient, it will pass by itself", "to blame" and "find a common language with the guys" should not be.
It is natural that the child is afraid of both offenders and teachers, who can punish him for breaking the norms of behavior if he fights back or complains. He needs to know that you will support him. Tell him that his self-respect is more important than the opinion of classmates and the dissatisfaction of teachers. nine0020
If the child is shy and insecure, think about what will help him feel differently. It may be useful for him to take up sports (for example, fencing) to feel confident. This requires practical confirmation of its significance, that is, achievements.
Do whatever you can to help your child build self-esteem. Study the literature on this topic, talk to experts.

First, consider whether your behavior has become a model that the child is simply imitating. If you do not have the habit of spanking a child for wrongdoings, you do not speak negatively about his teachers and classmates, do not insult the waiter or taxi driver for an oversight, perhaps the child behaves this way, falling under the influence of his friends. Also, some studies show that teenagers can become more aggressive when playing violent computer games. While this topic is controversial, parents should be aware of the amount of abusive material that a child is exposed to through TV, movies, or games. nine0005

It is very important for parents of emotional children prone to anger and rage to learn to accept them in a state of aggression, anger, rage.

It is important to recognize that this feeling exists. "You are angry. What makes you impatient and angry? How can I help you?" - calling feelings by their proper names, you will help a teenager understand what is happening to him, what he is going through.