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Can two females have a baby together


Same-sex parents – two mums

Same-sex parents – two mums | Pregnancy Birth and Baby beginning of content

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There are more same-sex couple families than ever before in Australia. More than 10,000 children live with same-sex parents in this country, and a quarter of all female same-sex couples have children. If you are a same-sex couple, this article will help you consider the important questions about becoming a mum.

The options for becoming a parent

Same-sex families can be created in many different ways. One partner may have the baby, or you may choose to adopt. One or both of you may have children from a previous heterosexual relationship. Or you may have a co-parenting arrangement with a gay male couple.

If you are thinking of conceiving a child, there are several fertility options available.

The most common way for a woman in a same-sex relationship to become pregnant is to use donated sperm. Some women inseminate themselves at home, but many choose to be inseminated in a clinic using a process called intrauterine insemination (IUI). Sperm from a donor are injected directly into the womb and, hopefully, the woman will become pregnant. You don’t always need to take fertility drugs, and the procedure is quite quick and inexpensive. However, it doesn’t always work.

If you have fertility problems, in vitro fertilisation (IVF) is another option. This is when the sperm are introduced to the egg in the lab. The mother will need to take fertility drugs. IVF can be more expensive, and it also doesn’t always work.

Either way, you will need to find a sperm donor. This could be someone you know, or an unknown donor who has donated their sperm to a sperm bank.

If it is someone you know, think carefully about what you are looking for in a donor, what level of involvement you want him to have with the child, and why he would consider donating to you. Make sure you involve your partner in the discussions and give the potential donor plenty of time to think about it.

If you plan to use sperm from a sperm bank, the donor could be Australian or come from overseas. The sperm will have been carefully medically screened and the donor will have been told about his legal rights. Most assisted reproductive technology clinics can organise donated sperm for you.

If you are thinking about obtaining donor sperm from overseas, make sure you understand the laws and regulations of the country in question. Obtaining donor sperm from some countries could cause future problems both for you and the child, so it’s always better to think about local options if possible.

Deciding on roles

Same-sex female couples usually tend to parent equally. Because a lot of planning usually goes into having a baby in a same-sex couple, there's a lot of time to think about what it means to be a parent, what roles you will both have and who else will be involved in bringing up the child.

Research has shown that lesbian couples are more likely to share domestic duties and child care fairly than heterosexual couples. Both mums tend to have good quality relationships with the children.

There are different ways in which to involve the biological father or other men in family life. For example, the couple may use sperm donated by a friend who then plays a part in bringing up the child. Or they may introduce the children to fathers, brothers or other men as male role models.

Social and psychological issues

Research has shown that children who grow up in same-sex families do just as well emotionally, socially and educationally as other children.

Children who have two mums may even have added advantages: they often experience higher quality parenting and they grow up to be more open minded about diversity. They are also likely to feel secure, close to their parents, and able to talk to them.

Even though there is more support than ever for same-sex families in Australia, some same-sex couples and their children are worried about being teased or bullied. It’s the treatment by others rather than growing up with two mums that may affect the child’s wellbeing.

Children usually find their own way of explaining their family set-up to other people. If you think your child is being bullied, it's important to step in quickly. Schools and teachers are trained to deal with issues like this.

Work and legal issues

Under the law, a child born to a lesbian couple will usually have a birth mother and a lesbian co-mother. All states and territories legally recognise the co-mother in a lesbian relationship as the legal parent of children conceived during the course of the relationship. This means they have the same rights as heterosexual parents, for example, if they separate or divorce.

The sperm donor has no legal rights or responsibilities toward the child. The woman who gives birth to the child and her partner have full parental rights. When they turn 18, however, children conceived from a sperm donor have the right to information that identifies him.

Same-sex parents and their families have the same entitlements as everyone else. This includes, among other things, parental leave, tax, superannuation, social security and family assistance, the Pharmaceutical Benefits Scheme Safety Net and the Medicare Safety Net, immigration, citizenship, child support and family law.

If you are a same-sex parent, it's important to let Centrelink know. You will be assessed for entitlements in the same way as everyone else. Depending on your circumstances, you may be eligible for child support or Dad and partner pay. Visit the Department of Social Services for more information.

More information and support

  • National LGBTI Health Alliance
  • OUTspoken families: A resource kit for rainbow families
  • PFLAG - Parents, Family and Friends of Lesbians and Gays
  • QLife national counselling and referral service - call 1800 184 527
  • Student Wellbeing Hub

Sources:
Australian Bureau of Statistics (Census of population and housing reflecting Australia), Medical Journal of Australia (What makes a same-sex parented family?), Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority (UK) (Same sex couples), Victorian Assisted Reproductive Treatment Authority (Considering IVF, donor treatment or surrogacy overseas), Research Gate (Strengths and challenges in lesbian parenting), Australian Institute of Family Studies (Same-sex parented families in Australia), Australian Institute of Family Studies (Children's wellbeing in same-sex parented families), Australian Institute of Family Studies (Same-sex couple families in Australia), Raising Children (School-age bullying: helping your child), Australian Institute of Family Studies (Families, policy and the law), Australian Department of Social Services (Recognition of same-sex relationships)

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Last reviewed: July 2020


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Related pages

  • Parental rights and finances
  • Fertility treatments
  • Same-sex parents - two dads
  • Rainbow families

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Same-sex families: services & resources | Raising Children Network

Like all families, rainbow and same-sex families need support. Get links to services for rainbow and same-sex parents, their children and their communities.