• Contact us
• About us
• A-Z topics
• Symptom Checker
• Service Finder
• Linking to us
• Information partners
• Terms of use
• Privacy

Pregnancy, Birth and Baby is funded by the Australian Government and operated by Healthdirect Australia.

Pregnancy, Birth and Baby is provided on behalf of the Department of Health

Pregnancy, Birth and Baby’s information and advice are developed and managed within a rigorous clinical governance framework. This website is certified by the Health On The Net (HON) foundation, the standard for trustworthy health information.

This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply.

This information is for your general information and use only and is not intended to be used as medical advice and should not be used to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any medical condition, nor should it be used for therapeutic purposes.

The information is not a substitute for independent professional advice and should not be used as an alternative to professional health care. If you have a particular medical problem, please consult a healthcare professional.

Except as permitted under the Copyright Act 1968, this publication or any part of it may not be reproduced, altered, adapted, stored and/or distributed in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of Healthdirect Australia.

Support this browser is being discontinued for Pregnancy, Birth and Baby

Support for this browser is being discontinued for this site

• Internet Explorer 11 and lower

We currently support Microsoft Edge, Chrome, Firefox and Safari. For more information, please visit the links below:

• Chrome by Google
• Firefox by Mozilla
• Microsoft Edge
• Safari by Apple

You are welcome to continue browsing this site with this browser. Some features, tools or interaction may not work correctly.

Child alarm. 7 tips to cope with it

Nature has built in our body the ability to worry. Worry and anxiety are really useful when they push us to take action and solve problems. They cause a feeling of discomfort and this is normal: after all, we would hardly be saved in a dangerous situation if the experience of anxiety was similar to the state of inspiration when listening to our favorite song.

But if you are often preoccupied with the thoughts “what if?”, “something bad is going to happen”, “I have to control everything” and feel constant tension, then this anxiety becomes a problem. After all, you have to spend a lot of energy and time on it. It's like walking on level ground with the same effort as climbing steep stairs.

Chronic anxiety is a habit of thought that can be changed. And the good news is that you can train your brain, your behavior, change your attitude to experiences, to the very state of anxiety and open up new roads and horizons.

On the one hand, we may think that our constant anxiety can get out of hand, drive us crazy or harm our health. On the other hand, that experiences help us avoid something bad, prepare for the worst, or come up with solutions to bad scenarios in advance.

"Worry about worry" adds strength to our experiences and keeps them going (just as worrying about getting to sleep often prevents us from falling asleep). But positive beliefs about worry can be even more damaging. It's hard to break the habit of worrying if we think that worrying is protecting us. To stop worrying, we must give up our belief that constant worrying is justified and serves us well.

“After the birth of my child, I looked at the word “anxiety” in a new way”
Childbirth is a hormonal storm for the body, and after them, many diseases often either become aggravated or, on the contrary, disappear. Evolutionarily conditioned, in order to save the offspring, the mother needs to be more anxious, since the newborn cannot stand up for himself, and this is absolutely normal. Every day this need is decreasing, but many women (and men too) reinforce this pattern of behavior, which is also reinforced by social pressure. We all know the phrase “What kind of mother are you if you don’t worry about the child.”

“How not to worry? This is my child, I want him to grow up healthy and smart.”
Unfortunately, trying to protect the child from all dangers, we take away from him the ability to develop independence and self-confidence. Maybe the child will get higher grades, but how will this affect his life in the future?

Don't forget! Next to the need for security, another basic need of the child for AUTONOMY / INDEPENDENCE appears. According to statistics, children who grow up with anxious mothers, who often do not satisfy this need, achieve less in their careers, and also experience difficulties in their personal lives.

Yes, many people show their concern and love with their anxiety, but do the children themselves feel it? Are there other ways to show your love to convey to your children?

"It's very easy to say don't worry, but how do you do it?"

Advice 1. Isolate yourself from the source of your anxiety for the first time.

Try to cut down on reading medical literature, drug instructions, “people's advice”, spend less time on forums. There are medical professionals who have been studying for about a decade and can filter the information that is useful from the information that is harmful to your child. Even the most illiterate doctor with the wrong treatment will provide better help than "traditional medicine" from the Internet.

Advice 2. Determine what you are experiencing and separate useful experiences from unhelpful ones.

An alarm is useful if:

- I can influence events or a problem;

— the theme of the experience is real, that is, what I worry about can happen in principle;

- there is a high probability that the event that I am worried about can happen.

If you have identified the experience as helpful, write a plan for solving the problem or describe how you will deal with the situation. If you can't fix the problem right away, schedule a time when you can.

If you have identified the experience as unhelpful, just let it go (but don't drive it away) and turn your attention to some activity. It is better if it is exciting and interesting. At first it will be difficult to do, but as you practice, it will become easier to let go of experiences and switch.

Advice 3. Set aside special time for worries and learn to postpone worry.

Create a "worry period". Pick a time and place for your worries (it shouldn't be bedtime) and clear them out of the rest of the day.
Put your worries aside. If an unsettling thought or worry pops into your head during the day, briefly state it and then move on with your day. Remind yourself that you will have time to think about this later, so there is no need to worry about it right now.
Allow yourself to experience only the amount of time you have chosen for your worry period. If these experiences don't seem important, shorten your worry period and enjoy the rest of your day.
In this way, you break the habit of dwelling on experiences when you have other things to do, but at the same time there is no “not thinking about the white monkey” effect.

Tip 3. Be realistic about the situation instead of suspecting danger in everything.

A few questions will help you figure it out

• Are my predictions based on facts or feelings?
• Am I paying attention to all the information or just the negative part of it?
• How bad would it be if that happened?
• What is the worst thing that can happen in this situation?
• How can I deal with this?
• What has happened in the past on such occasions?

Tip 4. Treat your anxious thoughts as a false danger signal.

The answers to these questions are best written down on paper

• What is the evidence that the thought is true? Is there any evidence that she is wrong?
• Is there a more positive, realistic way of looking at the situation?
• What is the probability that what I fear will actually happen?
• What are the more likely outcomes?
• How often have I seen a negative outcome before? And how often did these predictions come true?
• How does experience help me? How do they harm me?
• What advice would I give to a friend in this situation?

Tip 5. Accept anxiety instead of avoiding it.

In order to get rid of anxiety, we can resort to non-constructive and destructive ways of responding to experiences: overeating, scrolling social media feeds for a long time, getting angry at ourselves, or avoiding situations associated with anxiety.

To overcome something, we need to go through it. Anxiety is not a threat at all, it is a passing reaction of your consciousness, it is not at all dangerous. Anxiety does not need to be controlled, it is not necessary to run away from it. It's like an alarm that's just set off by noise, and it'll go off on its own. When you stop giving your energy to anxiety, it will go away on its own. Instead of avoiding anxiety, treat it as a rewarding experience. Sometimes discomfort is our friend that tells us that we are moving forward.

Tip 6. Accept uncertainty.

The inability to tolerate uncertainty plays a huge role in experiences. Chronic worries cannot stand doubt or unpredictability. They need to know with 100% certainty what will happen. Anxiety is seen by us as a way to predict what awaits us in the future. This is a way to prevent unpleasant surprises and control the situation. The problem is that it doesn't work.

Thinking about all the things that could go wrong doesn't make life more predictable. You may feel more secure when you're worried, but that's just an illusion. At the same time, focusing on anxiety and worries about the future, it is unlikely that you will be able to enjoy the good, pleasant, pleasing that you have right now, in this present.

Is it possible to be sure of everything in life?

What are the benefits and harms of complete certainty in life?

Is it possible to know in advance for sure about all the events that can happen to us?

Is it possible to live with the ignorance that something negative can happen, given the fact that the probability of this event is very low?

Think about what you do every day, already accepting uncertainty (meeting people, driving a car, eating at a party or catering, etc. )

Tip 7. Practice mindfulness.

Anxiety is usually focused on the future - on what might happen and what you will do about it. Mindfulness practices can help you let go of your worries by bringing your attention back to the present. Unlike previous methods of challenging your anxious thoughts or postponing them until a period of worry, this strategy is based on nonjudgmental observation.

Record and observe your anxious thoughts and feelings. Don't try to ignore, fight or control them as usual. Instead, just observe them without reacting or judging.

To cope with anxiety, one has to practice daily for several months. Do not strive for perfection and do not expect immediate results. Take small steps every day and gradually you will begin to live your life more vividly and interestingly.

“What if I fail to not worry?”
Remember, the goal is not to get rid of anxiety, but to learn how to cope with it. Besides, it’s perfectly normal when something doesn’t work out for us. Mistakes are part of learning, so don't despair and develop this skill.

If you are worried about a number of other vital issues besides raising a child, if you feel increased fatigue, have difficulty concentrating, you have irritability, muscle tension, and sleep disturbance, we recommend that you seek help from a specialist who works in the method of cognitive behavioral therapy.

How parental anxiety affects a child

The author of the article Kravtsova Elena Mikhailovna

12942 views

September 15, 2021

Login or register to save articles and products as favorites

As parents, we sometimes worry so much about our children that we literally cannot sleep properly. Mothers of newborn children develop almost the skills of Japanese ninjas: the ability to hear every rustle and breath of the baby, the ability to quietly sneak up on him to make sure that he is in order. If it were possible, we would purchase not only a baby monitor, but also night vision devices. But how do we know if we are worrying too much? And can excessive anxiety bring a child not good, but harm?

These and other equally important questions about anxiety, we asked the child psychologist Elena Mikhailovna Kravtsova .

Is anxiety normal?

Anxiety in psychology is understood as a state when a person is looking for danger where it is not explicitly present. That is, the fear is imaginary, not real.

For example, a person gets stuck in a traffic jam and realizes that there is a possibility of missing the train. He is afraid of being late - and this is a normal reaction, adequate situational anxiety. But, if a person goes to the station without hindrance, he has time left, but he still constantly thinks that he can get stuck in a traffic jam or be late because of something else - this is increased personal anxiety.

It is perfectly normal if in an uncertain situation or before a big test (before exams, for example), a person’s anxiety increases. In this case, it plays a positive role, as it does not allow you to relax, let events take their course.

Anxiety forces us to pull ourselves together and act. But constant fear, even in a familiar and understandable situation, has a devastating effect on the human psyche and on his relationships with loved ones.

Why do parents constantly worry about their children?

- Anxiety for the child on the part of his relatives is a natural phenomenon. We live in a flood of information, too often we learn about negative events. Even a person with a strong nervous system finds it difficult to resist the onslaught of information.

Anxiety for the health of the baby is especially strong, since a small child cannot talk about his well-being. At first, children do not know how to talk, but even after learning, they cannot accurately describe their bodily sensations for a long time. Doctors say that it is too difficult for a child to understand what exactly hurts him, so many kids under 4-5 years old complain about their stomach with any ailment (although they often experience discomfort not at all in the digestive tract).

After the birth of a baby, most mothers experience many strong emotions, including fear, depression, and anxiety. This is due to hormonal changes in the body. Therefore, the mother becomes vulnerable, especially in dire need of support and understanding, no matter how many children and experience she has.

Adequate care and increased anxiety?

- It is perfectly normal if parents are worried about the child, having any reason for that. For example, the baby's appetite has sharply decreased or increased, he has become lethargic, skin rashes have appeared, etc. Sometimes parents are wary for some subtle reasons, they themselves do not understand what worries them. In any case, you need to show the child to the doctor.

But if the fear for the health and safety of the child is permanent, it seems to the mother that something threatens him all the time and she loses her peace, it is necessary to seek help from a psychologist.

It is worth remembering that all adults, finding themselves in the same situation, react to it in completely different ways. In order to determine the cause of increased anxiety of a particular person, it is necessary to conduct a serious psychodiagnostic examination. The state of the nervous system of an adult depends on congenital characteristics (strong or weak nervous organization) and acquired experience.

Is anxiety "contagious"?

- According to the latest data, in some people anxiety is hereditary - that is, it is genetically determined, passed down from one of the parents. In addition, the lifestyle of the family, the type of upbringing and the personal example set by adults are of great importance. Constantly pulling a child, telling him about the dangers, intimidating, you can grow a very anxious person.

Even if adults do not specifically inspire fear in children, but they themselves are constantly afraid of everything and worry without a break, this can lead to anxiety.

Does anxiety interfere with a child's development?

- Depends on how it manifests itself in family life. If an adult is able to control himself and does not put pressure on the child with unnecessary prohibitions, does not intimidate him, then the negative effect will be minimal.

How does overprotection affect children?

- Grown-up children of parents who are constantly worried may be characterized by anxiety, passivity, distrust of the world and themselves, increased caution, lack of independence.

Getting used to constant guardianship, the child does not gain experience in overcoming difficulties and becomes unsure of himself. In addition, due to exaggerated parental fears and excessive care, children can become, in fact, emotional cripples. They may develop infantilism and a steady dependence on adults. And they will behave unselfishly for the rest of their lives.

How to respond to the anxiety of others?

- Making fun of and scolding another person for his feelings is the same as pushing him away from you and making the problem even bigger.

The question of what to do in this case is very difficult to answer theoretically. It all depends on how much a person is aware of his problem and is ready to work with it. One of the constructive solutions is to seek help from a family or child psychologist. The specialist will help to understand the causes of increased anxiety, explain what consequences it can lead to, and also formulate recommendations for overcoming this situation.

Is it normal to be afraid to entrust a child to a father?

- This situation negatively affects both the development of the child and the atmosphere in the family. It is necessary to contact a family psychologist to overcome it.

Learn more

• 
  How to support pregnant girlfriend
• 
  Should you breastfeed while pregnant
• 
  How to increase platelets count in child
• 
  What month is the 3rd trimester
• 
  How to have a smaller baby
• 
  Support in pregnancy
• 
  Newborn poop day 4
• 
  How does child support affect taxes
• 
  How to make a child teepee
• 
  Safe pregnancy sleeping positions
• 
  Books to be read in pregnancy