What to expect dads

Tips for new dads: 33 tips that are great advice for expectant fathers and first time dads

Having a baby. That’s it, that’s the sentence… err phrase. And especially if you’re a first time dad, it’s one heck of a phrase. Fear not, these tips for first time and new dads are going to have you heading toward pro dad land in no time.

While we would like to leave it at that, there is a lot more to it than ‘having a baby’. Many parents find themselves in analysis paralysis when they start getting into the details of preparing for a baby. We’re here to just give a list of new dad tips as an intro to the kind of research you might find yourself doing as you prepare for your baby.

One thing we want to let you know right off the bat is that every baby is unique and different in their own way. There is no definitive guide on how to be a dad, because everyone gets to shape what being a dad looks like for themselves. The point of this list of tips is to serve as an example of what has worked for some of us in the past. Don’t sweat checking everything off everything on this list religiously– just take the things you like and leave the rest!

Let’s ease into this list of new dad tips with a video that covers 8 great ones. Then, keep reading for a whole bunch more.

1. Do your research early!

If you are reading this list of tips for expectant dads, you are off to a good start. If you are an expecting father, there are a lot of great resources out there for you to prepare yourself for taking care of your baby We compiled a list of the best blogs for new parents to get you started.. We have posts on posts about baby information, gear reviews, baby care guides, checklists, and more here on this website (hi, we’re Fathercraft).

If clicking through links isn’t your jam, then that makes two of us. That’s why we made Father’s Ed, so you wouldn’t have to bookmark a million pages to get all-encompassing information on baby care. It’s an in-depth course on how to take care of your baby backed with research from the pros, tested by real dads (and moms), and filled with helpful resources.

If you’re more the “I need to read massive amounts of information to feel safe” type, check out our comprehensive guide to baby prep or our list of books for expecting dads.

2. Get through the first trimester, read up on pregnancy.

This is a very delicate time in the pregnancy. It’s best to hold off on posting on social media about the news for now, and instead focus on setting up your first appointments with an OB GYN clinic or reviewing the health and safety guidelines for pregnancy (Mayo Clinic). If you’d like to go deep, we published this week by week guide to pregnancy for dads.

This is a great time to start gathering information and doing preliminary research on a few things. No need to go crazy just yet, but creating a basic plan is fairly low-stress and will help you in the long run.

3. Where to spend the money

You will be greeted with a ton of price tags when doing your preliminary search for baby preparation. Babies are expensive and worth every penny if you are spending money on the right stuff. The main things that you should invest in are: cleaning/diapering your baby, safe sleep options, feeding, and moving your baby. You can check out our essentials here.

4. Be there for your partner

As an expecting father, if your partner is pregnant, it can be easy to feel like there’s not much you can to to be a part of this whole baby thing yet. Pause. Think. The first step is getting through the first trimester. You will learn a lot about each other throughout this process, and it may end up changing your relationship. It is okay and common for dynamics to change, but it is also important to stay in tune with one another as you go through these changes.

Remember during this time, your partner is going through a lot (this is true even if your partner isn’t the one who’s pregnant, by the way—couples who are adopting or using a surrogate should think about this too. So, be there for her. Go above and beyond. Give a foot rub. Surprise her with something nice.

5.

You better get every wink of sleep you can now, because your nights aren’t gonna get easier when the new baby arrives.

Sleep is without a doubt one of the most important things you can master as an expecting parent. There are ways to find healthy sleeping schedules for your baby, and we actually have a course right here on our website: Baby Sleep School.

It is reasonable to expect nights with little to no sleep— it happens! Don’t let yourself fall into unending sleeplessness, for everyone’s sake, not just yours. Read up on how to get a good schedule for your baby and it will pay back in dividends.

6. Build Dad joke repertoire

Dad jokes come naturally for some, but not for others. Nobody is going to know if you are browsing a dad joke subreddit at midnight. Don’t worry, we won’t tell anyone.

7. Discuss feeding options with your partner

Breastfeeding isn’t a given for everyone. If you are adopting or don’t have access to breastmilk, then formula is going to be the option for you. Even if breastfeeding is an option, it’s something you should discuss with your partner, not assume.

Even if breastfeeding is the option you and your partner have chosen, there are times when it can become difficult to keep supply and demand even. Baby formula can be a life saver and there is no reason to feel any guilt or shame in feeding your baby formula. We have a full in-depth review on a baby formula that knocked our socks off: Bobbie Baby Formula. If you’re looking for more on breastfeeding, the CDC has a nice list of FAQs here (yeah, it might be hard to remember, they do other things than deal with pandemics), and the blog Milk Drunk provides interesting viewpoints from many types of parents.

8. Prepare for cleaning your baby

Keeping your baby clean is keeping your baby healthy. Diapers, boogie wipes, snot suckers, and bottom wash are all things that we have tested. A lot. You can take a look at the products that we like the most on our essential list.

9.

You will have to take your baby on the move. It will be scary at first (looking at you, drive home from the hospital). Moving precious cargo is a great investment, and it will serve you well to get acquainted with the gear early on. We have a few recommendations of our own if you want to check them out here: Baby Essential List.

10. Things to not worry about

We have a definitive list of things that you should not buy. A crib bumper (see the American Academy of Pediatrics), a stuffed animal for sleepy time (we know, we know—buy one, just keep it on a shelf for now), a blanket, anything that promotes co-sleeping, a copious amount of toys, and baby-proofing stuff.

We’ve compiled some extensive research on safe sleeping habits here, and part of that is keeping the crib free of anything that can cover your baby. As far as toys and baby-proofing stuff, you won’t need that for quite some time. Infants typically don’t crawl or play with toys. Most of the time they will be happy being held or propped up and looking at faces!

11. Power through the second trimester

You made it to the second trimester, hooray! Now is the time most couples start telling people about their baby because the risk factor is lower now. It is a good idea to start getting more in-depth with your research into finding things like daycare and pediatricians—these things will take longer than you think, so they’re not good candidates for procrastination.

12. Start healthy habits

Habits take time to build, and you being healthy as a new dad can be very important for your baby. The healthier you are, the more energy you will have to devote to your baby. You don’t need to go vegan and start exercising with a fitness group three days a week at 5am. That’s madness. Do little things that make you feel good. Look after yourself and your partner, because little things will one day pass down to your kids. Healthy kids are happy kids.

13. Share responsibilities and divvy things up

Being a great dad starts way before the kid is born. If your partner is pregnant, then it’s probably setting in that there is a literal human being grown in front of your eyes. Give your partner some slack, and help her out with things. Coparenting is a powerful tool and a great example of the creating something greater than the sum of the separate effects. It’s, like, synergy or something guys.

Divvying up tasks can help you feel more included and get you on the right track for coparenting while you wait for the big day.

14. Read what your partner sends & consider an online parenting class

Your partner is likely staying up late reading material about how to parent as well. If they send you stuff, read it! Being on the same page when it comes to preparation is a great idea. Don’t be afraid to send them stuff to read too! And, while reading is great, consider an online parenting class—courses that use video can be a great way to learn skills, knowledge, figure out gear, and more.

15. Go to doctor’s appointments with your partner

There might be scheduling conflicts sometimes, but trying to make it to doctor’s appointments leading up to birth is a great way to show support for your partner. You will also learn a lot about the process from going to the appointments and will be more prepared because of it. The OB’s office is an amazing resource to ask questions and get info from, so don’t be shy.

16. Pause. Halfway through the list, you got this.

Take a minute for yourself. It is too easy to get overwhelmed when preparing for your baby, so stay in tune with yourself and make sure you reach out if you need support. If you don’t know where to turn, hit us up in comments on our socials: Instagram and Youtube, or check out our new online community for dads.

17. Talk and sing to your baby

“My baby isn’t born yet though.” Yeah, we know. Singing and talking to your baby while it is still in the womb can still be very powerful. There is research showing that it can lead to a happier baby, but we believe it can lead to a happier YOU too! It’s about taking time out of your day to be with your baby from the beginning, and strengthening that bond. To make things easier, for now you get to read (or sing) what you and your partner want to. So keep on doing you with those soapy romance novels that are your go-to.

Guess what? If you are adopting, then you will still have a strong bond with a happy child. We promise. Spending time doing research, reading, and preparing for your baby can accomplish the same thing.

18. Practice the ‘snack mix shuffle’

You know that thing dads do when they have peanuts, or like chex mix, in their hand and they shuffle it back and forth? Yeah do that now cause apparently all dads do that for some reason.

19. Read up on your picture/video taking skills

You will no doubt take a million pictures of your baby. Take videos too—you’ll be shocked how fast the years go by, and how hard it is to remember what your 3-year-old was like at 18 months—you will not regret having a stocked video library! It is also important to live in the moment and put the devices down every once and a while to soak up the experience as much as you can. Now’s a great time to learn the power-user features on your phone or camera … upping your picture and video game will lead to priceless memories captured forever.

That being said, turn that iPhone sideways if you are going to take a video. It’s just etiquette.

20. Take a babymoon

A what?? Take a trip for you and your partner before you have your baby. Soon, it will be all baby all the time, which is totally something to look forward to, and you deserve to have one last partners-only trip for a little while where you get to spend some QT as a couple. If you can’t, don’t fret, grandparents and babysitters will be there in the future, but the first little bit with your newborn is when you should be home.

21. Select a pediatrician

You should decided what type of doctor you want first of all (MD, nurse practitioner, physician’s assistant), and then utilize resources like your primary care doctor or Google to see who is highly rated in your area. Check for board certification (FAAP, AAP, or ABP), insurance options, proximity to your home, office hours, whether they are accepting new patients, and see if you can interview them.

We have a lot of info on selecting a pediatrician in our Father’s Ed course.

22. Organize your living space

Having a baby at the very least means changing your sleeping habits (aka less sleep). When you have less sleep, things around you become more difficult, so having an organized living space can ease daily tasks. If you are organized, then you will avoid mid-day tantrums when you are looking for that damn monitor unit or favorite home-teamipillow that you swore you just placed on the coffee table a minute ago (though let’s be honest your wife probably hid the pillow).

Organization requires building good habits, and good habits start early.

23. Acquire useless knowledge

One of the beauties of being a dad is using acquired useless trivia from your life at any given moment to befuddle your child one day. The “how do you even know that”‘s are totally worth it.

24. Wait out the third trimester.

Things are starting to get real now. You are more than two-thirds through the pregnancy stage and the due date is approaching rapidly. Now is a great time to start hammering out the little details and printing out checklists for when the baby is born. Do ‘future you’ a favor and put in the hard work now.

25. Discuss the boring, but important, admin details

Things like health insurance, life insurance, wills, employer benefits, and certificates are all things that are worth paying attention to. Discussing what you are going to do for each of these items with your partner might be a drag, but doing so can save a lot of hassle down the line. You don’t want to assume anything with insurance companies, it’s just not a good practice.

Figure out what your plan will look like once you add a baby onto it, then you can adjust other pieces of your financial pie accordingly. Planning and staying on top of things is draining, but by planning and discussing, it will make it easier. The hardest part is starting. Again, our pre-birth checklist has some good conversation starters to help ensure you’re on the same page with your partner.

26. What parent do you want to be?

Our advice for new dads is to have a conversation with yourself about this. Reflect on your own childhood. What do you want to do that you think your parents did a good job of? What things are you going to change? Being an awesome dad is something you have control over, so will you choose to take up that role? Take this seriously, but not so seriously you freak yourself out. Remember, if you’re the kind of guy that’s reading this blog post, it means you care. That’s a huge head start.

27. Hospital baby bag

Things like phone chargers, clothes for you, clothes for your baby, reading material, caffeine (hospital coffee sucks), snacks, camera, a list of names, and a comfortable pillow are all great things to bring to the hospital. Whatever you can do to make your trip to the hospital as smooth as possible.

28. Have checklists handy

Got checklists? We do! Take a gander at these — we’ve got one on prepping your nursery (with a big surprise in it about where your baby should be sleeping), a comprehensive pre-birth readiness checklist, and one essential gear for newborns and babies. We really like checklists. You will too when you start trying to keep track of everything you need to do to prep just in your head. Do yourself a favor, son: Fathercraft Checklists.

29. Your baby is born! Now go home!

Congrats! Now get out of that hospital and go home to your baby-ready household. Remember, don’t sweat the rubber pads on everything at this point. Your baby won’t be on the move for quite some time.

We’re talking about making sure your house has smoke and carbon monoxide detectors, fire extinguishers, and a safe sleeping environment for your baby. A safe sleeping environment for your infant should be in the room you sleep in (but NOT the same bed) for at least the first 6 months. Check out why from American Academy of Pediatrics.

30. Learn the cues, remember baby talk is manly (and sexy, too)

You can continue talking and singing to your baby to build that relationship with them, but you will notice that in a couple months’ time they start talking back. Their way of talking is obviously gonna be different than what you’re used to. It’s ok to be confused at first, we all are. Learning your baby’s cues is something that will come with spending time with your baby. You will have a PHD in your own baby’s language by the time they are babbling in English, just give it some time.

One more thing: bring on the baby talk voice! You might find this comes a whole lot more naturally than you expect (both of Fathercraft’s co-founders did). You might feel like it’s awkward at first. Fear not, you’ll be a baby talk pro in no time. Don’t be afraid to get goofy. Here’s a secret: your wife, husband, or partner will probably find it sexy as hell to see you gettin’ all goofy with your little one—it means you’re an awesome caregiver.

31. Be there

When babies are first born, they don’t do too much. That’s ok, though, because you can still do things to be present with your baby. Talking, singing, and reading are all things that will enrich the baby’s life, plus it can help strengthen your bond. Look, you’re going to have moments when you hop on your phone to check the score of the game or the latest Slack alert from work. Don’t beat yourself up about it. But remember what we said—even when the days (and nights) are dragging, years will slip by in a moment—so hang with your baby, toddler, little kid, big kid, teenager …

32. Learn to brag

By this point, you’re off to an awesome start, so I think you’re about ready to transition into the obnoxious social-media parent that brags about how awesome their child is. Or not. Maybe for you it’s your family’s text message thread, sending your partner a cute selfie of you and the baby while she or he is at work—you do you. And also, you be sure to set some ground rules with your partner about what’s in-bounds and off-limits.

33. Take everything with a grain of salt, remember there’s no perfect parenting, and have fun

We do a lot of research about babies, baby gear, baby food, sleep, so on and so forth. That doesn’t mean we have all the answers. The crazy part about being a dad/parent is there is no single right way to do it, because every baby is so unique. We hope these tips can give you at least some direction, but without a doubt, you will find things that work for you that aren’t on this list.

Whatever you do, remember to have some fun. Laugh it off. Take parenting seriously, but not yourself. And enjoy the journey.

Hi, we’re Fathercraft. We make stuff that makes parenting more awesome. Learn more by heading right over here.

Soon To Be Dad? Here's Some Tips | Hiccapop Blog

To new dads, soon-to-be dads and men that are "waiting for the right time"...

One of the greatest gifts that men and women bring to the mom and dad relationship are the inherent differences of being man and woman.  Mom and dads often do, and should, play different roles than each other.  By our very nature, women were designed to nurture and love while men are hard-wired to "hunt and gather" to provide for their family.  Roles are fluid and cross over beautifully.  

Men... don't be mom...

Mom... don't be dad.  

You're a team, raising this child together, imparting your nature, gifts, love and differences to your little one.

Men, at first, it's not uncommon for you to feel disconnected from the pregnancy and the baby that's growing inside of her.  Often it takes months for you to feel fully "daddy."  This can be difficult for her, perhaps frustrating, and even discouraging.  

But, fear not... "daddy" is in there.  

You love your baby, but connection, that "feeling of love", isn't instantaneous for many men.

That's okay. That's normal. Drop the guilt and shame. 

Recognize that you haven't lived with this bundle of joy in your belly for 9 months.  You haven't felt it kick and move inside of you.  It makes sense when you step back and think about.

So, stick with it. Be helpful, understanding, caring and kind with mom, and before you know it you won't be able to imagine a life absent from the title of "daddy. "

greta cheney of gretacheney.com wrote a wonderful piece (list) to you, men, and we thought it would be helpful and encouraging.

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes…uh, what? Oftentimes soon-to-be dads (and moms alike) don’t know the first thing when it comes to pregnancy, birth or being a new dad. The very thought of having a baby can be scary and overwhelming. Don’t worry, with the help of several veteran dads and their wives I’ve compiled this list of advice for new dads in this 101 things soon to be dads need to know about pregnancy, birth, postpartum, and being a new Dad. I suppose I can save you a lot of time reading this if you just skip to #80. But if your wife suggested you to read this, then see # 2. So without further adieu…

Pregnancy

1. Your wife’s hormones will eb and flow like ocean waves. And just when you think you have her figured out—BAM! (This is especially true during her first trimester.)
2. Always agree with her. Unless of course she doesn’t want you to. Then, whatever you do, don’t.
3. You’ll need to take on some added responsibilities around the house during the first trimester if your wife experiences morning sickness.
4. Have a burping or farting contest with your wife. She’ll win.
5. Many women have an increased sex drive their 2nd trimester. Hopefully your wife is one of them. Enjoy it. (I said many, not all) And don’t worry about hurting baby (unless her Dr has said otherwise).
6. Holy boobs! After the first trimester (when they may be far too sore) enjoy your wife’s new boobs now. Did you see #5?
7. Let your boss know your wife is pregnant around the beginning of the second trimester. See what your options are for Paternity Leave.
8. It’s totally normal if you have baby gender disappointment at the ultrasound (or longer). Just begin thinking of ways you’ll redefine family so you can get excited again.
9. Go to all appointments with your wife. This includes Dr and lamaze. Even if you think it’s stupid. Go.
10. Educate yourself about birth. C-sections. Inductions. Birth plans. Natural vs drugs.
11. Just because she is gaining weight does not mean you need to also.
12. Decide on what you want to do about circumcision. And when you want to have it done if you decide you do. You will definitely want to know this before you get to the hospital.
13. Cravings are so real. Get to the store and then back home as quick as humanly possible before the craving changes.
14. Foot massages are golden.
15. Tell her she is beautiful. Her body will stretch, grow, stretch some more and just when you think it can’t possibly get any bigger, it will. Your wife is sexy…don’t you doubt this for a second because her insecurities about her new body will magnify if you believe she is anything but. Again, tell her she is beautiful and believe it.
16. Take the time to ask how she is doing and truly listen to what she is saying.
17. Pamper your wife. Bring her flowers, write a love note…speak her love language as she may be having a lot of strange new feelings about herself.
18. Have sex to induce labor at the end of the 3rd trimester. Remind her of this. It is suggested that you don’t have sex for at least 6 weeks after the baby is born. So remind her again.
19. It’s normal to feel like you don’t have a connection with the baby yet. After all, you aren’t the one carrying it, feeling it’s kicks, and any of the pregnancy ailments that come along with being pregnant that serve as a constant reminder that you’re growing another human.
20. Don’t forget to pack a hospital bag for yourself.
21. Your wife is going to have a million questions to go over together. Humor her. It’s important to become educated together. After all, there are a lot of things that happen to baby right after birth that you should talk about now and decide on together.
22. Get the car seat securely strapped in the car. Despite all the other things you and your wife got as baby shower gifts, the car seat is the single most important thing you will need for baby as it is required to take a baby home from the hospital. (The Fire Station can usually help with this if you have any doubt or questions.)
23. Help with the things she can’t do easily herself: tying laces, putting boots on, shaving legs, painting toenails.
24. Avoid planning any work trips during the last trimester. You don’t want to miss the birth.
25. Make sure the car has gas and you know the quickest way to the hospital in case you need to get there fast.

1. Giving birth isn’t glamorous. You will see your wife’s body in a way you never have before and may never want to again.
2. Labor is just as exhausting for dads in a totally different way.
3. Expect the unexpected. You know that birth plan you two worked so hard creating? Have an open mind because it may not go according to plan.
4. Consider asking someone else to take pictures of the birth so you can be totally present. Just make sure it’s someone you and your wife are comfortable with because they will get more than a sneak peak.
5. Be prepared to speak up. Do you feel like an epidural is being pushed? Are there too many visitors in the room? Change it. Your wife will be focusing intently on contractions, it will be your job to take care of the other things.
6. Don’t be afraid to cut the cord, it is far easier than you’re imagining.
7. It’s normal for your wife to poop while giving birth. Uh, what? Yup. But, the Dr or nurse will clean it up so quickly you probably won’t even notice. If you do, just roll with it, and try to forget it.
8. Your wife may scream obscenities at you while she’s in the midst of labor. She doesn’t mean them.
9. Bring healthy snacks that you can sneak between contractions…you will need the energy to support your wife.  You remembered to pack these in your daddy bag, right?
10. You will see your wife in intense pain and be able to do absolutely nothing about it.
11. At least try to help her ease the pain. Does she need a foot massage? More ice? A cold cloth for her head? Does she want to change positions? A hand to hold? Music? Do your best to help ease her discomforts but understand she may also want you to do absolutely nothing. Remember #27? Told you so.
12. You will wish you could bottle the feelings you felt when watching the baby get set on your wife’s chest for the very first time. No words can describe this moment. Same goes for when you hold your baby for the first time. It’s quite natural for a flood of emotions: joy, happiness, love, fear, uncertainty.
13. Babies look funny when they are born. Most will have a cone shaped head (unless your wife has a c-section) and many are born covered in vernix, and some are born covered in blood, lanugo, and/or milia. Also, all of their features are swollen especially their genitalia so I wouldn’t go bragging about where your son got is size quite yet.
14. You may cry. You are no less a man.
15. Write down your emotions and feelings so when/if you’re ever stressed about baby you can reflect back on this moment.
16. Tell your wife what an amazing job she did…even if she got the epidural she (or you) didn’t want to get. Even if the birth didn’t go according to plan. Even if …
17. Tell your wife how beautiful she looks.
18. Spend time having skin to skin contact with the baby. You packed a button up shirt in your hospital bag…right?
19. Changing the 1st diaper will take you forever—the first poop is a lot like wiping up tar. Don’t throw in the towel. Just know that by the 3rd diaper you’ll be a pro.
20. Get use to analyzing poop.
21. Post labor contractions hurt too. Your wife doesn’t push the baby out and then feel great. She will not only need to deliver the placenta immediately after giving birth but for the next several days her uterus will contract to return to its normal size. This can still be painful and uncomfortable.
22. Consider a ‘push present.’
23. Get some rest. If your hospital doesn’t carve out a “no visitors” window during the day, you should. It’s okay to put a sign on your door that you’re all resting and to please not disturb.
24. Your first car ride home will be the most intense, alert, nerve-wracking car ride you will ever take.
25. Introduce your pets to the new baby before bringing baby home. Bring a swaddle blanket you wrapped baby in at the hospital home to let the dog(s) sniff prior to bringing the baby home. Let the blanket hang out there where the dogs can keep checking it if need be.

1. You will think you are going to die from the lack of sleep.
2. Bringing home a new baby is a lot like being told to go sail a boat across the ocean with no instruction manual and never having sailed before. The learning curve is steep, you’ll often wonder if you’re doing it right or if you’re going to injure the boat.  You’ll wonder if you’re going to die in the middle of the storms, but eventually you’ll get the hang of it and sail along beautifully. You’ll learn to navigate the rough waters, and enjoy the smooth seas.
3. Call in the troops. Now is the time to put down your pride and ask for help from everyone that is offering. Allow them to bring meals, clean your house, etc. This will be especially helpful weeks 2 and 3 when you’re no longer running on adrenaline.
4. Porn star boobs! Your wife’s boobs look awesome but watch out, stimulation causes milk let down.
5. Ask your breastfeeding wife to pump once a day when baby is about 3 weeks old so you can share in the joy of feeding as well as give her a chance to get some much needed rest.
6. You will immediately take on the protective father role and doubt any man will be good enough to marry your daughter.
7. Make sure to take pictures. Lots of pictures. Get pictures of your wife with baby and make sure she’s getting some of you too. And definitely make sure you’re getting pictures together as a family too.
8. Monitor your wife’s hormones-baby blues are to be expected but postpartum depression is not. Get help. It is also possible for new dads to get postpartum depression too.
9. Your wife will be completely uncomfortable in her body after baby. Tell her she is beautiful. Repeatedly.
10. Tell your wife you are proud of her. Remember, you are both new at this.
11. Your heart could burst with love for your new baby. You will think that you couldn’t possibly love baby any more. Just wait…you can.
12. Your baby may drive you crazy. It’s hard for new dads to find their spot in this new thing called parenthood. The baby cries and you don’t know why and you unfortunately aren’t the one that will be able to console them. Don’t take it personally. You may find yourself completely frustrated. Don’t worry, it’s normal. It’s normal to wonder if you’re doing everything right. And to feel like you’re doing everything wrong. Be easy on yourself. You’re doing better than you think.
13. Expect the unexpected. Just when you get in to a routine, it will change. Just when you think you have your baby figured out, he will change things up.
14. If your baby seems colicky suggest keeping a food journal to monitor if there is any correlation between what your wife eats and when your baby gets fussy.  Some breastfeeding women experience more food restrictions when they are nursing than they did when they were pregnant.
15. The Trifecta. You’re officially initiated into fatherhood once your baby has peed, pooped and spit up on you.
16. New babies don’t have tears for the first few weeks but don’t let that fool you in to thinking they don’t cry.
17. Buy a newspaper and/or popular news magazine on your baby’s “birth” day. If you forgot, go down to the local newspaper office and pick one up.
18. Don’t forget to clean all the creases and folds of your new baby. Trust me. Neck, armpits, elbows, groin, behind the knees. You’re welcome.
19. You don’t need to carry a fancy fufferbuns diaper bag. Anything that can carry a diaper, wipes, and a change of clothes is good enough. And keeping it in the car until you need it is golden. No need to carry around more than you have to.
20. You will have sex again. Those first 6 weeks may feel like an eternity but be patient.
21. Help out during feedings. Keep water and snacks within easy reach of where mama will be nursing baby. In the middle of the night you could bring baby to your wife, change baby, return baby to bed, etc.
22. You will have to learn how to share again. You will be sharing your wife with the baby and her attention will no longer solely be yours. In fact, the first few weeks you’ll be lucky if you have any of her attention.
23. Take the first shift. The first few weeks is all about survival. New babies often have their days and their nights mixed up so while you may be completely exhausted, your baby is wide awake. You and your spouse will have to figure out how to take shifts so you can both get some rest.
24. Learn the bounce. Holding baby against your chest and doing deep knee bends often quiets a crying, fussy baby.
25. You will have a new love and appreciation for your wife seeing her as a mom. Go tell her she’s beautiful again.

1. You will be surprised at how well you can function on so little sleep. Remember back to the first few weeks?
2. You will wear every body fluid from your baby imaginable and actually contemplate if anyone will notice if you wipe it off and just go to work instead of changing…again.
3. Don’t succumb to dad pants or dockers with tennis shoes. Just don’t.
4. You will never be more jealous of someone than your new baby and the amount of time he (or she) is spending with your wife’s boobs.
5. Your sex life will begin to return to some semblance of normal around the 6 month mark.
6. Enjoy every baby moment because the saying is true “you blink and they’ve grown.”
7. Give yourself Grace if you aren’t enjoying every moment because some moments are just plain h.a.r.d.
8. Your wife’s body may return to a slightly different shape/size than it was pre pregnancy. If not, and it returns to normal, she’s lucky. Regardless, tell her she is beautiful.
9. Date your kids. It’s even a great habit to get in to while they are babies.
10. Tell your wife you are proud of her.
11. Good luck finding a public restroom that will give you a place to change your baby. If you’re soloing a trip in public make sure to bring along a changing pad otherwise you’ll learn this the hard way. You’re welcome.
12. You will find yourself acting and speaking completely crazy in hopes of getting your baby to smile again. Don’t worry, we all do it.
13. Traveling with baby is basically a shit show with all you will have in tow. Stroller, car seat, diapers, wipes, pack n play, bumbo…you get the idea. No such thing as traveling light.
14. Read to your baby. Anything. Sports Illustrated? The newspaper? Lay your baby on your chest and read out loud.
15. Go thank your mom.
16. Sing to your baby. It doesn’t just have to be the mommy doing the singing, nor should it be.
17. The moment your baby says “dada” you’ll be sunk.
18. Change diapers.
19. With babies there is no such thing as a quick outing.
20. Plan on being late to everything. Everything.
21. Buy a duplicate for whatever the “lovie,” or most prized possession becomes. Otherwise you will inevitably lose it just when you need it the most. Rotate it out every time you wash it so they wear the same.
22. Don’t worry about messing up or doing the wrong thing…as long as you’re fully present and trying, you’re doing better than you think.
23. Get use to worrying…you will be worrying about your kids for the rest of your life.
24. The transition from being without kids to having them is one of sacrifice. There will be moments where that sacrifice is frustrating, upsetting, and where you wonder if you’ve made a terrible mistake. It’s normal. You may be completely baffled by your new baby. Stick with it. Some dads don’t find a real connection with their kiddo until they are able to interact.
25. Your friends without kids may distance themselves from you as your priorities and responsibilities shift as they should. They’ll return when they understand for themselves what being a parent is all about.
26. Congratulations. You now know what it is like to have your heart walking around outside your body. Your life has changed in so many amazing ways…and you are better for it.

Your first baby will be a complete life changer. Going from being entirely selfish to having a helpless, screaming creature in your house that needs all your love, attention, and patience will be a huge change to your reality. Take it from other dads…it is the best change ever.

about greta cheney

Greta started Transparencies Of Motherhood (Now: GretaCheney.com) in 2010 because she felt there was so much left unspoken in regards to being a parent. "I knew I wasn’t alone with my feelings on Gender Disappointment, Postpartum Depression, or having a child with severe Nut Allergies. I wanted to be a voice for all those people that for whatever reason were remaining silent. I feel it a calling to be transparent with others, especially other moms. I speak my voice, my emotion, and often times share tips and tricks that I have found helpful."

Find out more about Greta at http://gretacheney.com/about-the-author/

How they become dads or The psychology of fatherhood

The development of a child, his perception of himself, that is, how he treats himself, the success that he achieves, largely depends on how his parents treat him - mother and father, how they communicate with him. Deficiency, lack of any of the models of communication leads to difficulties in relation to the outside world and oneself, and distortions in perception.

The two main components of parenthood are motherhood and fatherhood . Unfortunately, very often fatherhood is perceived not as something unique, unlike anything else, but as just an addition to motherhood.

Paternity - is not just a blood relationship between a father and his child . Paternity is also defined as an innate feeling that induces a man to act in relation to a child (or his children) with empathic responsibility , i.e. Paternity is the ability to ensure the conditions for the development of a child , and not only from a material point of view. But fatherhood also provides unique opportunities for the manifestation of the personality of the man himself.

The main thing in the formation of a sense of fatherhood for a man - the future father - is the awareness of changes in the image of "I", awareness of oneself as a father . The main goal of the ongoing psychological restructuring is to provide a man, a husband with the most favorable conditions for the development and birth of a new person, for maintaining the mental and physical health of his wife. These changes include a serious reassessment of one's own values ​​for a man, setting new priorities in life. He has many new responsibilities and functions, changes in relations with his wife (after all, she becomes the mother of his children), new feelings and emotions that he has not experienced before, and even the vocabulary expands (at least for the terminology associated with pregnancy and newborn care).

That is, fatherhood is a completely new level on his life path, a new round in the development of the personality of a man .

But a new step in life is always a test. Fatherhood is only possible due to the fact that a man refuses many of the already stereotypical patterns of behavior with others and attitudes towards himself. The feeling of fatherhood is often accompanied by a change in lifestyle to one that is more consistent with the role and title of the father and contributes to getting used to this role for the first time (before assigning this title), which can cause crisis conditions.

How is “paternity” formed in a man's soul? Of course, a lot depends on cultural and family traditions, but the personal history of a man, the history of his own relationship with his father, also plays a no less important role. Whom is the future father going to raise: his own child or himself, the way he was in childhood? To what extent will a man be able to realize that his child is not himself, to realize the great responsibility that falls on him?

The paternal attitude is laid long before the birth of a child in a man and is determined by childhood impressions, affirmation of oneself as a man in adolescence, it is also influenced by erotic relationships of later years. The attitude towards the child is “predetermined” much earlier than the future father thinks about having a baby. Therefore, it is not at all surprising that those men who lived a happy childhood, who had a loving, caring, understanding father, want to have children more often than those who did not have such a childhood.

An important moment in the beginning of psychological adaptation to the father's role, the beginning of the formation of the self-concept of the father, is the moment when a man finds out that his wife (or another girlfriend) is pregnant. What kind of storm in the soul of the future father did the news of the pregnancy produce: delight, joy, grief, or did it leave him calm and indifferent? And this largely depends on how the relationship of a man with his father developed.

The birth of a child should be separately identified as a kind of test in a man's life. This is the moment when both the Mother and the Father are born (maybe that is why men who are not present at the birth of their own child often dump unspent energy with the help of alcohol). A very important factor is the presence of a man during childbirth, unless, of course, he feels an inner readiness for this (after all, his task from prehistoric times is to protect his woman if she herself cannot do this). In addition to helping to prevent adverse events during childbirth, the first cry of a child has the most tangible effect on the inclusion of not only maternal, but also paternal instinct. Fathers who witness the birth of their child, as well as their wives, experience deep feelings during childbirth and they form a strong attachment to children. American research 50 years ago showed that if a father is present at the birth of his baby, then they establish a special contact and their own unique relationship. Such a father is more involved in the life of the mother and child, without shifting all responsibility to the woman, he can take care of the child, play with him on an equal basis with the mother. He does not need to wait for the child to start talking or playing chess in order to start communicating with him. It is the establishment of relations with the child, the process of caring for him in the first months of life that determines the final stage of the birth of the Father.

There are three stages in the formation of the paternal sphere :

1) a stereotyped idea of ​​paternity before the wife's pregnancy;

2) rethinking stereotypes during pregnancy;

3) the actual formation of a sense of fatherhood after the birth of a child.

Let's try to look into the family where the child was born. What is the father doing? What is mom doing? Traditionally, the roles of husband and father have been the same for many generations. In recent decades, some confusion has arisen. Modern man is faced with numerous confusion of concepts. He is required to be both strong and soft at the same time. He must work hard, but at the same time put up with the work of his wife. In addition to all that a man traditionally should be able to do and do, in our time it is assumed that he should also be able to change diapers, feed a child, and much more. For many men, it is not entirely clear what their role of husband and father is, and it is not easy for them to play the former role of the breadwinner of the family, also fulfilling maternal responsibilities. However, all this is required of a modern man, and therefore the education of future men and fathers should be based on this. For the sake of justice, it should be noted that some current fathers in caring for a child have become such excellent specialists that they can compete with the most skilled mother.

Unfortunately, adaptation to fatherhood in many personally immature men, having not yet begun, immediately ends with the news of pregnancy. The future father can leave, shifting all the problems that arise in connection with the appearance of the child to the future mother, not caring what will happen to his family next. If, due to his beliefs or situation, he cannot leave his family, his dissatisfaction with the appearance of a child can manifest itself in an indifferent attitude towards him, and in the worst case, in harsh authoritarian behavior patterns, a manifestation of violence towards his child.

All this - the history of relationships with one's father, the model of fatherhood of one's own father, cultural, social and family characteristics, physical and mental health - influence men's readiness for fatherhood . Egocentrism, infantilism, sexual promiscuity of a man shows his inability to manifest a paternal attitude.

But every man should think about the fact that the opportunity to become a father will allow him to fully realize not only male, but also personal potential . A man directly gives life to a new person and gets a unique opportunity to take care of him, love him, transfer his life experience to him. It is in fatherhood that a man satisfies many of his vital needs. Becoming a Father, a man gets the opportunity to creatively transform himself and the surrounding reality.

For many men, the period of pregnancy of the spouse, the expectation of the birth and, finally, the very birth of a child can greatly influence the formation of their male maturity. Men seeking to try on a new role as a father have an increased sense of self-esteem, they0003 through the child realize and confirm their male viability . As a result, a man acquires a new personal and social status. He develops a tribal consciousness , a sense of responsibility for his family.

But during this period, men may actualize psychological problems, personal conflicts, in particular, related to their own experience of negative relationships with their father. That is why it is safe to talk about “pregnant dads”. Yes, they also, in their own way, in a manly way, “bear” a child, they take care of their wife, create the best conditions for her, solve the financial problems of the family, help in caring for the baby after his birth, build their own unique relationship with the child , but also remain face to face with their own intrapersonal conflicts. And no one pays attention to them, no one cares, but on the contrary, it requires care and attention from them.

And if most women feel like mothers for the first time during pregnancy, then most men feel like mothers after the birth of a baby, with whom a man does not have such a connection in the prenatal period as a woman. That is why it is so important for the future father to talk to the child before birth. The child hears his gentle voice and perceives it almost better than the voice of the mother. Yes, of course, a woman is more involved in communication with a child before birth and in the first months after childbirth. For her, pregnancy is a period of preparation for communication with the child after his birth, and this preparation takes place through direct physiological changes in the woman's body, changes in her values ​​and priorities during pregnancy, because her whole life is aimed at the well-being and development of the baby in her womb. Thus, maternal feeling, attachment to the child is formed during pregnancy, including through a new bodily experience. And in the father, the formation of attachment to the unborn baby is not associated with new bodily sensations. The period of the wife's pregnancy changes the self-consciousness of the man and results in his acceptance of a new social role.

Psychoanalysts believe that during pregnancy, there are also changes in the emotional sphere of a woman. These changes are manifested in such defensive reactions as: regression, repression, infantilism. These are temporary changes, a protective mechanism that allows you to prepare for such a complex and responsible event as childbirth. But such emotional reactions of a woman trigger in a man - the future father, the desire to take care and patronize and show in relation to the pregnant wife those feelings and responsibility that he will then show in relation to the child.

Thus, a man's preparation for communication with a child during the period of expectation of a child still takes place and takes place indirectly, through a woman. Men deeply experience the pregnancy of their wife, show miracles of care and attention (for example, running away in the middle of the night to a 24-hour supermarket for a jar of pickles or seaweed), which the wife was impatient to taste), do not bother their wives with their “production” problems, solve global problems (make repairs and buy apartments for the birth of a child), take responsibility and raise their own paternity .

AND it is very important during the period of expectation of the child to connect the father to communication with the baby , so that neither now nor after the birth of the baby does he feel unnecessary, forgotten, abandoned, so that he can mature to his new role, proudly bear the title of Father and, together with mom, enjoy these extraordinary experiences, rejoice at the first smile of the baby (what if he gets it!), play with him, and be responsible for him.

Dad of the third smoke. What to expect from him0001

Sergei Petukhov, RIA Novosti columnist.

On the second day of voting in the Sistine Chapel, the Vatican conclave elected a new pope, the 266th in a row. They became the 76-year-old Argentine Cardinal Jorge Bergoglio, who chose the name Francis.

Thus an entire era ended in the history of the Holy See. Pope Francis became the first pontiff from the New World, the first Jesuit on the throne of St. Peter, and the first Pope who, instead of the traditional greeting to his flock: "Glory to Jesus Christ!", began his speech simply: "Good evening . ..".

What does all this mean for the Catholic Church - and not only for it?

What did the seagull on the chimney of the Sistine Chapel mean? chapels, look in the sky above the main Vatican square for some other sign.