Corrector Vera Veresiyanova

© Olga Golitsyna, 2022

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Created with Ridero 9 intelligent publishing system0034

Acknowledgments

This book would hardly have been published without those who, by the will of fate, were next to me. I want to thank these people.

Mom. For demanding upbringing and for never forbidding me to write.

Husband. For patience. Who really needs it!

Son. For appearing in my life and changing it so drastically.

Girlfriend. For timely kicks, advice and unshakable faith in me.

Mentor-editor. For endurance and professional help.

And also everyone we've ever crossed paths with.

Thank you for the lessons and discoveries.

Be healthy and happy!

Chapter 1. Acquaintance

– Are you sure you need to do this? she asked her husband when they left the city.

The husband did not answer immediately. He himself was worried, but tried his best not to show it. Enough of one source of unrest.

– Ma-a-ash… Let's try, shall we? We don't lose anything. Relax, gain strength.

- What about Max?..

- What about Max? He will go to the garden. I will feed him and clothe him. We'll even play sometimes. Come on, baby! We'll hold on, don't worry, it's not the first time.

Yes, not the first time... That was what tormented her. That because of her depression, her husband and son often had to not only cope on their own, but also take care of her. No, no, this must end! Enough. They will help her, and everything will be fine, as in an ordinary, normal family.

“Strange. The booklet says that there is a pine forest, and here are fields, ”Masha was perplexed.

Are we lost? she asked her husband anxiously. - There must be a forest.

- Yes, it seems no, according to the navigator everything is correct.

After a few hundred meters a steep, long ascent began. When they reached the top, they saw some buildings in the distance. And the forest!

And here is the sign: “Adjunction of the secondary road” and the sign: “Aphrodite Rest House”. Turning at the sign, they drove onto a flat, clean road. On it, unlike the entire track that they had to pass, there was not a single pit. The car ran smoothly and smoothly. They drove into the forest and stopped near the gate.

They expected to see a massive metal gate. Now everyone puts themselves like that - for greater safety. Definitely with a barrier, a security guard. Here it was different: thin, forged gates, painted with pleasant beige paint. Not pretentious, not defiant. Through them one could see a cozy territory with neat paths and many well-groomed flower beds with a variety of flowers.

- Vit, I'm afraid. Let's go back, shall we? she said, looking imploringly at her husband.

- Mash, what are you doing? Look how beautiful it is here! In the end, this institution works with the support of the regional administration, but they don’t give money to just anyone. Vaughn, they are already coming to meet us. Let's go to!

A young woman walked confidently along one of the paths. Slender, fit, somehow all collected.

"Heels, skirt, make-up... Not like me..." thought Masha, looking at the approaching stranger.

- Hello! - she said, beaming with a sincere smile, which children usually smile. - Welcome to our kingdom! My name is Svetlana Anatolyevna, I am the director of this center. For all questions, you can contact me personally. Let me escort you now to the administrator - she will write you down, show you everything - and then, if necessary, we will talk again. Good?

Masha grabbed her husband's hand. Is there really no turning back and she will have to spend two whole weeks here? She will go crazy! But he hugged her and confidently pulled her into the main building.

While the administrator was completing the paperwork, Masha looked around. To her surprise, the interior was the same as in the pictures in the booklet. Huge windows, lots of light, high ceilings, sofas, an aquarium.

“We also have an orchard with apple trees, an alley has been laid where you can walk,” the administrator said, noticing Mashin’s wary look. - There is a garden. We grow vegetables on it ourselves, and the guests also help if they wish.

“Well, no, garden, if you please, without me! thought Masha. “I had enough as a child.”

– Please come in. Here is your room,” Elena said (Masha just noticed the badge). - She's for two. Your neighbor is probably in class right now - she will come later and get to know each other. Make yourself comfortable. You can contact with me any time!

"Everyone is so smiling, radiant - suspicious," Masha desperately tried to find a reason to leave.

- Vit, don't leave me here! I don't want! I want to go home!

- Mash, believe me: the truth will be wonderful here. I read the reviews, consulted - all as one praise. Wow, we were well received. And I liked the director.

“Of course he liked the director! Such a beauty! Not that I…”

– In general, I went to pick up Max from the garden soon. And you go get used to it. Write, call.

– Vit…

– What?

- And if it's all for nothing? If I don't succeed?..

- Well, that means we've wasted our money. Kidding. Relax, everything will be fine, now I'm calm.

“I would like your confidence…” Masha thought as she kissed her husband.

She was frightened by the thought of being left here alone. She already missed her son and home. “At home? - asked her other Masha, the one who was responsible for calmness and logic inside her. “You dreamed of getting out of there!” Take a break from everyday life, anxieties and worries. You yourself begged your husband to help you, and he tried. You see, I've been babysitting you all day, paying for all this splendor…”

“Yes, I understand everything… I’m very grateful to him, I’ll try not to let him down,” Masha sighed and began to unpack things.

The clock began its dull run, marking the minutes with the Sanatorium Exile Machine.

* * *

The roommate was a mother of three named Natasha. She arrived at Aphrodite last week and already felt almost at home here. In the mornings she went to yoga, during the day she went to a sewing club or to dances, and in the evening she watched movies with other girls in the cinema hall. She, like everyone around, constantly smiled, and Masha was terribly annoyed. It seemed to her that she was in some kind of film, that the director was about to appear, shouting: “Stop! Filmed!”, and everyone will go home. Despite all the comfort of the situation, she could not relax, did not want to leave the room, avoided communication. After the dining room, she immediately went into the room, lay down on the bed, turned away to the wall, and Natasha, no matter how hard she tried, could not talk to her.

Their room was on the second floor, and the window overlooked a dense coniferous forest. At home, Masha always, as she woke up, immediately opened the windows to let in fresh air. She stood by the window for about ten minutes, breathing as deeply as she could. She wanted to feed on this freshness, which was so lacking in her life. But during the two days of her stay in the Aphrodite, she never went to the window. I didn’t admire the view, I didn’t listen to the birds, I didn’t meet the sun rising from behind the trees.

Natasha tried not to disturb her, she knew that everyone goes through the period of adaptation differently. But on the evening of the second day, she softly said:

- Masha, Svetlana Anatolyevna asks you to come to her tomorrow morning.

- Why? - From surprise, Masha almost coughed.

– You see… She asked me about you today: how do you spend your time, what mood are you in. I told it like it is - well, that's it ... She must have decided that you need special attention. It's the way it is here, don't worry.

This invitation really excited Masha: “To the director? What for? What should we talk about with her? You also had to walk almost across the entire territory: the director's office was located in another building. That is, along the way, meet other people, smile at them (of course, how else - they are all obsessed with positive things here), say hello. Much more Masha liked the prospect of staying in the room, but Natasha ardently urged her not to refuse, to definitely go. Like, Svetlana Anatolyevna somehow knows how to speak correctly, that all the girls always came back from her different.

“Okay, I'll try,” thought Masha, going to the administrative building, “it won't get any worse. Nowhere."

Chapter 2. Sofa of revelations

The administrative building was a two-story building for the employees of the center. There they dined, rested, held meetings. All household equipment was stored there.

At first, when the center had just opened, no one, including herself, planned to create a separate office for the director. Why is it needed if the director is constantly located somewhere on the territory of the center? Here he looks at something, then he checks there. But, having received the first guests in the center, Svetlana realized that she still needed some kind of separate space. For personal conversations with those for whom a trip to the center has become a great stress, who do not want or cannot trust the staff and because of this do not get the desired effect. Does not use all the opportunities provided to them and lives in vain for the days paid for by their relatives. Like a recent newcomer - Masha.

Svetlana didn't like pretentiousness in anything. She liked brevity, style and simplicity. Therefore, there were no expensive furniture and golden door handles in her office. An ordinary table, ordinary chairs, the same for her and the interlocutor. A small comfortable sofa where she talked with those who came for the first time. With its help, it was easier to establish contact and help a person open up.

She also did not need a secretary. No one came to the office without an invitation, because she invited the guests of the complex herself, and the employees preferred to resolve all issues with her on the territory, at any chance meeting. With tea / coffee, she also coped quite well on her own. To do this, next to the office there was a separate small room with a kettle, dishes and usually some kind of cookies or sweets. And you could also ask for help to set the table for one of the guests if he was too embarrassed: such simple and familiar chores greatly contributed to relaxation.

The office windows faced the east side. In the mornings, the sun, triumphant, looked inside, and the modest space was transformed under the caress of its golden rays. That is why Svetlana usually invited women to talk during these hours - beauty and fabulousness have a calming effect, she knew this from experience.

The office door, as always, was wide open. People are afraid of closed doors, Svetlana believed, they are repelled by the unknown hiding behind them. It is difficult to decide to enter, and at the last moment, unable to cope with the excitement, a person can simply run away.

There was a sound of footsteps in the corridor, and Masha appeared on the threshold.

“Worried,” Svetlana immediately identified with an experienced look.

The girl was standing, shifting from foot to foot. She looked like a shy schoolgirl who was called to the blackboard at an unloved lesson. Svetlana's subject was physics. She did not understand anything in these formulas, although she loved numbers. Going out and looking stupid in front of the whole class was a real test for her. Most of all, she then wanted to teleport somewhere far away. In order not to answer any questions, unsuccessfully trying to get rid of this nasty trembling in the knees ...

“Well, we need to support the man,” thought Svetlana.

– Hello Maria! And I'm waiting for you, come in, please. Sit down on our magic sofa of revelations, while I organize something for us to drink. Tea? Coffee?

“Tea, please…” answered Masha, dumbfounded by the unexpectedly cordial and somehow quite homely reception.

- Black? Green?

- Black ...

- We had a lemon here somewhere. Yep, here he is. Would you like a lemon?

- Yes, you can probably ...

- Good!

“Sofa of revelations? What does that even mean? thought Masha, looking incredulously at the sofa on which she was sitting. What exactly am I supposed to say? Is this some kind of local psychologist?” Her thoughts were interrupted by Svetlana, who returned with cups in her hands.

“Please, bring some saucers from that room, we’ll put cups on them,” she turned to Masha amiably.

Chapter 3. Another woman

Cups, saucers and a bowl of sweets were placed on the table next to the sofa, the tea was gradually cooling down. Svetlana was ready to start a conversation, but did not rush things. Her experience has long suggested that it will not be easy with Masha: strong excitement plus distrust is not the best cocktail for a heart-to-heart conversation.

“Honey, how hard it is for you… Well, nothing. We'll manage."

– How do you feel about us? she asked Masha, now aloud.

“Nothing, it’s okay…” Masha answered, and Svetlana heard a tremor in her voice from hidden tears.

– Have you been to any classes yet?

– Not yet… Somehow it didn’t work out…

– Maria, believe me, I know how hard it is for you right now. Far from home, from familiar surroundings, and even in a difficult emotional state. But you came for help, and we - I, all my staff - want to help you. Let us please do this.

- I... I can't... I don't know... It's hard for me... I can't...

- Do you miss your son?

– Yes, I have never been away from him for such a long time before.

- Do you call home? Do you talk to him, to your husband?

- Yes, of course. Every day. They are great, they report that everything is in order. It seems they are doing well without me...

- I doubt that. Without a woman, a house is not a house, but a dwelling.

- I don't know. Lately I've been feeling like I'm in some kind of cage.

- What do you mean?

– It’s like I was deprived of my freedom… Yes, my husband provides us financially, we don’t need anything, he is very kind and generous. And Maksimka is such a miracle! But for some reason I feel cramped, stuffy ...

- I understand. Maria, what is your education?

- Journalist... But I haven't worked in my profession for a single day.

- Why?

- I wrote to the newspapers when I was doing an internship, but I did not like the principles of work. There the editor decided what to write about. No one cared what I thought myself. And I had to do as I was told, to express a specific idea, a task, even if it was not interesting. At the same time, it still fits into a certain number of characters, on which the size of the fee depended ... Both then and now, I am sure that this all kills creativity. And makes a craft out of it. My attitude to texts is different...

- Which one? - Svetlana leaned back a little on the back of the sofa, noting with satisfaction that in the area of ​​​​memories Masha seemed to relax, soften. Eyes sparkled - excellent, this is a sign of awakened energy!

- I always wanted to talk about people, experts in some industry, smart, purposeful. And talk about them the way I want, the way I see it.

- Hmm, interesting! Are you writing anything now?

- Yes, I have a small blog. I write there sometimes.

- About people?

- And about people as well. If you manage to come across an inspiring story. And so I write my thoughts, poems...

- Poems? Great! Will you give a link to your blog later? I will read with pleasure.

- Yes, if you like...

- Would you like some hot tea?

– No, not yet, thank you.

Svetlana realized that getting Masha to talk would be more difficult than she thought. Probably, with a question about poetry and reading, I hurried a little - the guest somehow disappeared in an instant. We need to fix the situation, do something.

– Have you been to our garden yet?

- Not yet...

- Our guests like to walk there - it's not so hot there. And there is a pond with fish. Let's go?

– Now?

- Well, yes, why not? Walking is good for health.

“Why does she need all this? What does she want from me? Why did I sign up for all this? I would sit quietly at home, - no, I created problems for myself, ”Masha asked herself again and again. Refusing to go out would have sounded rude, so she reluctantly had to accept the offer. She was angry with herself, with Svetlana - so graceful, delicate, smiling - with the situation, but there was nowhere to go.

It was really good in the garden. Quiet, calm. Apple trees grew on both sides of the alley, they had already faded, which means that fruits should appear soon. Masha shrugged her shoulders, as if freeing herself from heavy thoughts, straightened her back. Strange: it seemed impossible for her to walk next to this blooming Svetlana and slouch.

“If you had arrived a little earlier, you would have found this honey aroma,” Svetlana said, looking around the trees. - And what flowers! I admire it every year and I just can't get used to it. Here we have a pond for fish. The female employees offer to get more ducks - I don’t know yet, I don’t dare. But it looks like they will still persuade me.

– Yes, ducks are good… – Annoyed Masha obviously had no intention of making life easier for her companion.

- Shall we sit in the shade? - Svetlana said, nodding at a bench standing under one of the apple trees.

- Let's sit down.

- To be honest, I'm a little tired of heels. I'm still on my feet all day - I need to rest. Just think, but once I dreamed about them!

- About heels?

- Well, yes. When, after the birth of her son, she sat at home for four years, she completely lost the habit of women's shoes. Everything is somehow more sneakers ... well, or something else without heels.

Masha couldn't believe her ears. That's really someone, but it was Svetlana who was sitting at home for four years, without heels, makeup, hairstyles, she did not succeed at all! Doesn't she wake up already in full dress?

Svetlana, catching Masha's reaction, smiled lightly and continued:

– Yes, my son was not given kindergarten for a long time. Well, you know how hard it is for us. Although, maybe now something has changed for the better...

- Only if a little...

- Yes? OK then. Small steps are also steps. And then I couldn’t go to work without a kindergarten. Yes, to be honest, I didn’t really want to. I enjoyed spending time with my son. Only now my husband was more and more interested: when I start working, they say, it’s hard for him to support us alone. He hinted that it was time for me to do something else besides the house and the child ...

Svetlana sighed, thought, a shadow of disturbing memories flickered in her eyes for a moment, and Masha suddenly saw a completely different woman. Just as vulnerable and vulnerable as she is.

Chapter 4. Other Circumstances

– And how was your kindergarten? Svetlana asked, as if waking up.

- Yes, you know, it's good. Maksim turned three years old in May, and just a couple of weeks later we received a call saying that we could come for a ticket. I was also preparing for a long wait, but somehow everything was quickly resolved.

- But you didn't show up for work?

- No. Before the decree, I worked in the state supervisory body and did not want to return there, yes.

- Why?

Masha did not answer right away. After a pause, she began to speak slowly, carefully choosing the most accurate words.

- Well, how should I formulate it ... While I was on maternity leave with Maksik, I had a rest from all these reports, checks, intrigues. Of course, they are in any job, but the work itself in the state structure was difficult for me. Because this is a system, and you are a cog in it. You solve nothing, you cost nothing. If you leave, they will easily be replaced by others. There is no place for creativity, spiritual impulses. Only strict, dry regulations. I felt stuffy there. In all senses. Constantly opened the window - there was not enough air. And my soul lacked life, living emotions. I wanted to be customer-oriented, but this is not supposed to be an official. There is a deadline - do it within this deadline, and without exceptions, as if if we issue an answer a little earlier, some foundations of the universe will be shaken ... And this constant “Masha, you are a civil servant, you should not bother with anyone” . .. I am now talking this is what I think: how strange it is when you are scolded for showing humanity ...

Svetlana nodded.

- I understand. Therefore, it was also difficult for me at the bank. There, of course, customer focus, on the contrary, was encouraged, but there were always so many people that, with all the desire, an individual approach did not work out. In this we are similar: we are interested in people as people, and not just as a name and surname, right?

- Yes! But here's what's interesting. No matter what I thought about this job, it was exciting to quit. It's one thing to say, and quite another to do. I remember, I took my work, I saw this entry: "dismissed from the state civil service ..." - and only then I realized that everything was really serious. Since that day, I have been unemployed. No alternate airfields, no plans. Not the most pleasant sensations ...

– And how did your relatives react? They supported or said: “Why did you quit, it’s so difficult to find a job nowadays, and you had such a good position . ..” Well, everything like that.

- Mother spoke. She is a very active woman, an incredible hard worker, and therefore, of course, it was not clear to her: why quit?

Did you explain?

– I tried… But it is difficult for us to understand each other in this sense. I said something like this to you, that it’s stuffy, crowded there, that it’s not mine.

- And?

Masha smiled sadly.

- Yes, not really. She practically raised me and my brother alone, went through the harsh nineties, when, in order to survive, we had to work hard both at work and in the garden. Dad hardly helped - he soon had another family... She had to forget about her feminine nature, turn off her emotions and drag, drag... Therefore, she perceived all my arguments about job satisfaction, about benefiting people, and so on, as nonsense. At one time, she had no choice: she had to work where the money was paid.

- Yes. Unfortunately, this happened to many women in the nineties. When husbands were confused, and children had to be raised... Now, fortunately, everything is different. Well, and your husband, as I understand it, supports you?

- Oh, yes. I was lucky with Vitya - he cares a lot about me. About me and Max. We have been waiting for a child for a long time - several years. It turned out when they had already completely lost hope. And this brought me and Vitya together so much! He has been helping me in everything since Maxim's birth. And about work, he says: "Don't worry, you're my smart girl - there will be a place for you."

- You know, when you look at your couple, you immediately see this - this closeness, support. Some warmth. It's valuable. Not every man understands that a woman after the birth of a child becomes vulnerable, dependent both morally and physically on many factors. From a child, from a husband. Including financially.

Masha beamed.

- Yes! While maternity paid me for a year and a half, it was somehow normal. I always had my own penny, with which I could buy something. The same gifts for a husband or son. Well, or yourself. That is, I then still felt like an independent woman. But when they stopped paying, it was then that it became clear that I was now a kept woman, a dependent...

– Oh, what familiar words! They sound rude, but in essence it's true... I understand you perfectly. I, too, was this very fact that was very depressing. My husband often hinted that, they say, it would be nice for me to invest something in the family budget too. He worked very hard so that we could pay the mortgage and exist more or less normally. I felt sorry for him and ashamed in front of him, but at first they didn’t give us a kindergarten for a long time, then there were other circumstances ...

Masha waited for the continuation, but it didn’t follow. A shadow passed over Svetlana Anatolyevna's face again, and Masha realized that something very difficult was hidden under the words "other circumstances". She would like to know what this woman had to go through, she felt that there was something very close to her, but did not dare to ask. Still, it's very personal. And if she does not tell, then this choice must be respected. After all, how long have they known each other?

Svetlana broke the silence.

– Maria, how old is your son now?

- Four have recently turned.

- So you have been a free person for a year now? In terms of work, I mean.

- Well, yes, except in this respect. But in general, on the contrary, I feel like a prisoner, a hostage of my beloved husband. Well, I told you about the cell.

- Yes, yes, I understand. Well, are you looking for a job?

- I was looking for ...

- Why in the past tense?

- Because nothing good came of it. It began to seem to me that I would never be able to find a job...

– Well, why is that? I'm sure that you will succeed! You are smart, beautiful and, most importantly, looking for a job you love. And this, believe me, is very valuable. And this desire of yours will surely lead you to exactly where you need to go!

- I would like your confidence ...

- Everything will be fine, Maria, by all means! The seeker will find. If a person acts, albeit at random, if he sincerely believes in what he is doing, in the end he will definitely succeed! And here you have a living proof of this theory,” Svetlana said, smiling and pointing at herself.

- I still have a hard time believing this. But I know that it is important to do this - at least to believe in order to have the strength to move on.

Svetlana smiled approvingly.

- At this stage, this is quite enough. Let me play psychic? I bet you didn’t tell anyone exactly how you were looking for a job, didn’t share it with anyone? Still, they were waiting for the result, but there was none, and you were ashamed of it. Guessed?

Masha cast a quick wary glance at Svetlana: is she mocking? But, seeing mischievous sparks in the eyes of the interlocutor, she unexpectedly smiled:

- On point!

A second later, Masha's face became serious again.

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