What is control crying

Is it OK to let a baby cry? | Baby & toddler articles & support

Deciding whether to leave your baby to cry is a tough one. Here we look at crying extinction techniques, and the pros and cons for babies over six months.

'Cry it out' and 'controlled crying' are topics that can lead to passionate debate between parents (and the experts). The instinct to go to your baby if they’re upset can be overwhelming. But so can your frustration when they don’t settle – particularly if you’re exhausted. This is when some parents start thinking about sleep training techniques.

What are controlled crying and cry it out?

Once their baby is old enough (over six months [BASIS, no date a; Douglas and Hill, 2013]) and they're safe and secure, some parents decide to explore different sleeping techniques. This is a personal choice and will depend on different reasons and circumstances.

Cry it out and controlled crying are two forms of sleep training aimed at eliminating sleep problems. The other kinds of sleep training are about preventing problems from developing (BASIS, no date b). Cry it out means leaving the baby to cry and parents not responding to them at all. Controlled crying is when parents do check in on the baby to let them know they’re there, but do not respond to the crying or soothe the baby.

What is self-soothing?

Self-soothing means developing emotional self-regulation. This is a person’s ability to recognise and manage their own emotional responses.

Babies start to develop this understanding from around the age of six months (Murray, 2014). Babies can still experience distress if they are left to cry after this age though. And they do continue to need those caring for them to help ease their distress (Rothbart and Posner, 1985) in the same way that you sometimes need support and a cuddle.

Older babies learn over time to settle themselves, with caregivers gradually reducing the amount of support provided. But babies won’t be able to do that every time, and sometimes they will still need your support.

What does the evidence say?

Some babies begin to understand the 24-hour rhythm of day and night at around three months, while others will take longer. Their night-time sleep periods start to get longer but many will still wake and cry several times each night for months (Leach, 2015).

Young babies, in particular, are probably waking up because they need to feed, not because they are unable to self-soothe (BASIS, no date c).

Research maintains that sleep training under six months of age does not improve sleep outcome for babies or wellbeing for parents (Douglas and Hill, 2013). More recent research on sleep training is only on babies over six months old, because of concerns about the effect on younger babies. There is good evidence that sleep training methods can improve the parent’s mood or change how parents report their babies’ sleep patterns (BASIS, no date d).

There is little research that looks at the effects of sleep training on babies beyond the effect on their sleep (or crying) and whether there are any potential long-term effects on the baby’s wellbeing or development (BASIS, no date d).

What are the arguments for and against controlled crying or cry it out?

It can help to think through the pros and cons of sleep training for your baby over six months before deciding whether it’s right for you and your baby.

Pros of sleep training

Some parents find that controlled crying or cry it out works relatively quickly, often within three weeks (Matthey and Črnčec, 2012).
Some babies whose parents undertook sleep training of any kind around six months show better self-soothing at a year old (Early Intervention Foundation, 2018).
Some research shows that babies with a settled bedtime routine had fewer behaviour problems as babies and toddlers (Mindell et al, 2015).

Cons of extinction (crying it out) methods

Some people believe not responding to a baby’s cries at bedtime has become a part of a rigid Western cultural approach to child-rearing, which is not appropriate for every parent or baby(Maute et al, 2018).
Some research suggests that not attending to the child if they’re upset affects secure attachment and the ability to regulate feelings as an adult (Leach, 2015; Williams et al, 2016).
Carrying out controlled crying or cry it out can be stressful. Some parents find it goes against all their instincts to repeatedly not pick their baby up if they appear to be upset (BASIS, no date a).
Controlled crying and cry it out can create a lot of noise, and worrying about other family members or neighbours can add to stress levels (BASIS, no date a).

How do controlled crying and cry it out work?

Whichever method you're using, once you see your baby is getting tired, first make sure they have a clean nappy and are not hungry, thirsty or uncomfortable.

The cry it out method involves following Step 1 and Step 2, then ignoring your baby until you wish to feed, change, or wake them.

The controlled crying method involves taking the following steps.

Step 1: Put them in their cot, sleepy but still awake.

Step 2: Say goodnight and leave the room.

Step 3: If your baby cries, leave them for two minutes before going back to let them know they're ok. Settle them back down, say goodnight and leave the room.

Step 4: This time, wait for five minutes, before repeating the process again, adding a couple of minutes each time.

There are different views about how much to comfort your baby each time you go back to see them. These range from just speaking and reassuring to physical contact like stroking.

Are there any alternatives?

There are other more gradual methods of sleep training which might be gentler for babies and parents (Gradisar et al, 2016). For more information about these methods and others, have a look at our articles about sleep.

Is there anything else I need to think about?

The decision to try sleep training is a personal one for every parent. You might feel that the benefits, for both your baby and you, outweigh any worries; or you might decide that a different approach works better for you.

Also keep in mind that some parents might start controlled crying or cry it out and then find it too stressful to continue or that it's just not working as they'd hoped. We know that any method can work for some babies but not for others.

The good news is that there is a lot of support and information to help you figure out what works for you and your baby. Talk it through with your partner, family, friends and other parents. Some parents find talking about sleep training options with their health visitor a useful source of information and support.

This page was last reviewed in April 2022.

Further information

Our support line offers practical and emotional support with feeding your baby and general enquiries for parents, members and volunteers: 0333 252 5051.

You might find attending one of our Early Days groups helpful as they give you the opportunity to explore different approaches to important parenting issues with a qualified group leader and other new parents in your area.

Make friends with other parents-to-be and new parents in your local area for support and friendship by seeing what NCT activities are happening nearby.

Watch our coping with crying film.

Understanding Childhood also have a range of resources available online and to download, developed by child psychotherapists, including a leaflet on crying.

There’s also useful information on soothing a crying baby on the NHS website.

The NSPCC helpline provides help and support to thousands of parents and families.

Learn more about babies sleep at BASIS infant sleep.

The Lullaby Trust has lots of useful information and support for parents about safe sleep.

References

BASIS. (no date a) Things to consider – potential costs of sleep training. Available at: https://www.basisonline.org. uk/things-to-consider-potential-costs-of-sl… [accessed 21st March 2022]

BASIS. (no date b) Sleep training research. Available at: https://www.basisonline.org.uk/sleep-training-research/ [accessed 19th March 2022]

BASIS. (no date c) Why babies sleep as they do. Available at: https://www.basisonline.org.uk/why-babies-sleep-as-they-do/ [accessed 19th March 2022]

BASIS. (no date d) Limitations of sleep training research. Available at: https://www.basisonline.org.uk/hcp-limitations-of-sleep-training-resear… [accessed 21st March 2022]

Douglas PS, Hill PS. (2013) Behavioral sleep interventions in the first six months of life do not improve outcomes for mothers or infants: a systematic review. J Dev Behav Pediatr. 34(7):497-507. Available at: http://doi.org/10.1097/DBP.0b013e31829cafa6

Early Intervention Foundation. (2018) What works to enhance the effectiveness of the Healthy Child Programme: An evidence update. Available at: https://www.eif.org.uk/files/pdf/what-works-to-enhance-effectiveness-healthy-child. pdf [accessed 21st March 2022]

Gradisar M, Jackson K, Spurrier NJ, Gibson J, Whitham J, Williams AS, et al. (2016) Behavioural interventions for infant sleep problems: A randomised controlled trial. Pediatrics. 137(6). pii: e20151486. Available at: https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2015-1486

Leach P. (2015) Controlled crying: What parents need to know. Int J Birth Parent Education. 2(4):13-17. Available at: https://ijbpe.com/journals/volume-2/20-vol-1-issue-4

Matthey S, Črnčec R. (2012) Comparison of two strategies to improve infant sleep problems, and associated impacts on maternal experience, mood and infant emotional health: a single case replication design study. Early Hum Dev. 88(6):437-42. Available at: https://doi.org/10.1016/j.earlhumdev.2011.10.010

Maute M, Perren S. (2018) Ignoring children’s bedtime crying: the power of Western-oriented beliefs. Infant Ment Health J. 39(2):220-230. Available at: https://doi.org/10.1002/imhj.21700

Mindell JA, Li AM, Sadeh A, Kwon R, Goh DY. (2015) Bedtime routines for young children: a dose-dependent association with sleep outcomes. Sleep. 38(5):717-722. Available at: https://doi.org/10.5665/sleep.4662

Murray L. (2014) The Psychology of Babies. Constable & Robinson, London.

Rothbart MK, Posner MI. (1985) Temperament and the development of self-regulation. In: Hartlage LC, Telzrom CF.(1985) The Neuro-psychology of Individual Differences: A Developmental Perspective. Plenum Press, New York.

Williams CJ, Kessler D, Fernyhough C, Lewis G, Pearson RM. (2016) The association between maternal-reported responses to infant crying at 4 weeks and 6 months and offspring depression at 18: a longitudinal study. Arch Womens Ment Health. 19(2):401-408. Available at: https://doi.org/10.1007/s00737-015-0592-2

What Is Controlled Crying and Will It Help Your Baby Sleep?

After months without continuous sleep, you’re starting to feel loopy. You’re wondering how much longer you can continue on like this and beginning to dread the sound of your baby crying out from their crib. You know something needs to change.

Some of your friends have mentioned sleep training using the controlled crying method to help their baby sleep longer stretches. You have no clue what controlled crying is and if it is for your family (but you’re ready for a change!). Let us help fill in the details…

Sometimes referred to as controlled comforting, controlled crying is a sleep training method where caregivers allow a young child to fuss or cry for gradually increasing increments of time before returning to comfort them, in order to encourage a little one to learn to self-soothe and fall asleep on their own. (Or to put it another way… an approach to sleep training that falls somewhere between attachment parenting and crying it out.)

Controlled crying should not be confused with the cry it out, or extinction method, where children are left to cry until they fall asleep, as an important part of controlled crying is stepping in if the crying continues more than a few minutes at a time.

Controlled crying differs from no-cry sleep training methods favored by attachment parents as part of the goal of controlled crying is for a baby to learn to fall asleep on their own and self-soothe, instead of looking to their caregiver for soothing.

Now that you know what controlled crying is, the next question is how do you actually do it?

Get your little one ready for bed using a sleep routine like taking a bath, reading a book, or having some cuddles while singing a lullaby. Ensure that your baby has all their needs met (fed, changed, warm enough) and is comfortable.
Your baby should be put in their crib, on their back, while they’re still awake, but drowsy. Before leaving your child alone, the area should be checked to ensure that it is safe. (Make sure to check above and beside the crib in addition to inside the crib for any hazards like mobiles or art that they could pull down.)
If your little one cries after you leave the area, return to your baby only at scheduled intervals. Typically this starts at 2 to 3 minutes, increasing by 2 to 3 minutes each time you return. This could look like returning after 3 minutes, then waiting 5 minutes, then waiting 7 minutes, etc.
When you return to your little one, comfort/shush/pat your baby for a minute or so to calm them, but try to refrain from taking them out of the crib unless absolutely necessary.
Once your child has calmed, or after 2 to 3 minutes, leave the area and allow your child to try to fall asleep on their own again.
Continue to briefly soothe your child and then leave the area for a set period of time until your little one is fast asleep.
Continue to use the controlled crying process consistently. Your child should learn self-soothing skills and begin to fall asleep on their own more and more quickly as time goes on.

Controlled crying can be used after your baby is at least 6 months old or with older babies or toddlers. If you decide to try controlled crying, you can implement it for naps, bedtime, and middle of the night wakings.

Ultimately, the decision to use controlled crying (or any type of sleep training) is a very personal one. It depends greatly on parenting styles and philosophies.

Controlled crying is not appropriate in every situation, and there are situations where it is definitely not suggested. For example, it’s not recommended for children under 6 months of age and may not be effective if a child is experiencing illness or other major changes like teething or developmental leaps.

It is important to make sure that controlled crying is supported by all parental figures before beginning. It’s also important to discuss with your doctor if you have any questions or concerns. If you are not seeing positive results from controlled crying in a couple of weeks, it may be time to consider a different method of sleep training or whether sleep training is even the right approach for your child.

Believe it or not, crying can actually help with self-soothing. It activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps your body rest and digest. Although it might not happen immediately, after several minutes of shedding tears your baby may feel ready to sleep.

According to a 2018 review of studies, as many as 1 in 4 young children benefited from controlled crying compared those without sleep training. This review found parent moods also significantly increased and no adverse effects were reported within 5 years.

A small 2016 study involving 43 infants found benefits to controlled crying, including a decrease in the amount of time it takes small children to fall asleep and how frequently they wake during the night. The study likewise indicated that there were no adverse stress responses or long-term attachment issues.

There are however limits to when controlled crying (and sleep training in general) are appropriate. There is research that babies under 6 months of age (and their parents) won’t benefit from sleep training. Because of the complex feeding and developmental/neurological changes that occur in the first half of the first year of life, it’s important that parents be extremely attentive to their infant during this time.

Similarly, it’s important for parents to be extra responsive if their child is ill, teething, or reaching a new milestone. Thus, controlled crying (or another sleep training method) may not be appropriate if a child is seeking extra reassurance or cuddles in these cases.

If you’re looking to get your child on a sleep schedule using controlled crying or want to incorporate controlled crying as part of your sleep training plan, there are a few things that can make the process easier.

Make sure that your child is getting sufficient food during the day. If you’re looking for longer stretches of content sleep from your baby, it’s important that your little one take in plenty of calories during their waking hours.
Ensure that the environment your little one is sleeping in is safe, comfortable, and conducive for slumber. That means keeping the space dark at night (blackout curtains for the win!), leaving pillows/blankets/stuffed animals/crib bumpers out of the crib to avoid suffocation or risks for sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS), and creating a good sleeping temperature through the use of sleep sacks, fans, heaters, etc.
Use a consistent routine to signify that the time for sleep has come. Simple nap routines can consist of singing quiet songs or reading books. Bedtime routines can include bathing, songs, books, or turning on the night-light.
Avoid other big changes to your child’s routine when introducing controlled crying. Consider waiting to implement controlled crying if your child is teething, experiencing a significant milestone, is sick, or otherwise might need a little extra TLC to fall asleep.

Controlled crying (or even sleep training) may not be the right choice for every baby, but being knowledgeable about the options and methods available for helping your little one fall asleep can be helpful in finding what does work for your family.

If you have questions or concerns about sleep training, make sure to discuss them with your child’s pediatrician at their next visit. A good night’s sleep can make a world of difference and is hopefully in your very near future!

Crying and screaming | HiPP Organic

What should I do if my baby is crying?

When your little one is crying, your first reaction will be to pick them up or sit next to them to calm them down. Instinctively, you have already done the right thing! By crying, your child is signaling that they are not feeling well. If your child is crying, they need support that you are here and that they are not alone.

What to do if your baby is crying?

If your child is hungry, picking them up won't calm them down for long. If the last meal was more than 2 hours ago, try breastfeeding or bottle feeding your baby. If they only had a meal 1 hour ago, hunger probably wouldn't be the cause of the crying. Instead, try to pick up your baby, wait for a burp, and wait a while before the next meal. We recommend that you do this if the intervals between meals are too short, the baby's stomach is still full of the previous meal and not empty in which case your baby is likely to cry even more!
Gas can also cause babies to cry. This happens, for example, if there is still air in the stomach and if the baby has not burped since the last meal. Try to gently lift the baby to burp them. Sometimes it also helps to massage the tummy with light, circular motions in a clockwise direction. This will help to dissolve air bubbles in the intestines that the child cannot get rid of on his own. You can use fennel oil or oil to massage the stomach area, this will relax the stomach.

The so-called “airplane grip” can also be helpful for flatulence: put your baby on your arm with your stomach. Support your child's head with your hand. It is also possible to do it the other way around by taking the baby around the head. You can scold your child well or just hug.

If you are using infant formula, you can prepare a bottle of unsweetened cumin or dill tea such as HiPP Fennel Tea.

If there is no improvement, we recommend talking to your pediatrician. You may wonder if a special formula such as HiPP Comfort is a good idea for your baby. Thanks to its reduced lactose content, HiPP Comfort is a particularly easy-to-digest fat and digestible protein specially formulated for children with digestive problems. In principle, special formulas should only be recommended on medical advice.

Tip: Give your child a sense of calm and security during this hectic time. Be with your child, hold and gently rock it. Make sure it's okay.

Check if the diaper is full or if the baby has diaper rash.
Your baby may be crying because he is cold. Babies are very sensitive to cold. If you want to warm up the bed before going to bed, you can use a special hot water bottle and a terry jacket. In this case, make sure that hot water cannot leak and that the bottle is not too hot! When you put your baby to bed, remove the hot water bottle first.
Sometimes children also cry when they are too hot. If your child is sweating around the neck, check to see if he is dressed too warmly. Natural materials are ideal for clothing because they provide good heat exchange with the environment. The child will not feel too warm in them, and at the same time they will not be dressed too lightly. Woolen jackets and hats are only needed outdoors and only if it is not cold or windy.

Advice: if your baby is crying, sing a lullaby or tell a story. Very often, just the sound of your voice or the feeling that you are close to comforting them.

More from: Travel Guide

Diet PlanEating and DrinkingBaby DigestionOn Vacation with BabySleepingDental CareCrying and CryingMotor and Language caused by an evolutionary neurobiological response—in particular, crying activates the area of the brain associated with movement. This conclusion was reached by an international group of scientists who conducted a series of experiments involving young mothers from different countries. The work was published in the journal PNAS Plus .

The crying of a young child during times of discomfort (for example, from hunger or lack of attention) serves as a stimulus that causes parents to respond - for example, to feed or comfort the child. Such a response is typical not only for humans, but also for other mammals: for example,

marmoset monkeys

. The prerequisites for such a reaction, however, have not yet been clearly identified: the difference in the behavior of guardians in response to such a stimulus can be due to both cultural factors and individual behavior.

The authors of the new work decided to determine the possible neurobiological prerequisites for the response of young mothers to children's crying. To do this, they collected data from 684 new mothers (for each of them their child was the first; the average age of the child is 5.5 months) from 11 different countries. The researchers videotaped one hour of mother-child interactions in natural (i.e., at home) settings and analyzed them for the infant's negative emotional response and the mother's response.

The results showed that all mothers react to the crying of the baby (walk up to them, begin to rock them, or just pick them up), on average, within the first five seconds, and the difference in the actions taken by them is not due to cultural differences. Based on the data obtained, the scientists suggested that the reaction of young mothers to the crying of their babies may be universal for representatives of all countries and cultures - for example, in neurobiological terms.

To test this, the scientists conducted three experiments using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI). The first experiment involved 43 young American mothers who gave birth to their first child three months before the start of the experiment. The researchers asked all participants to record their baby on audio (during normal, calm behavior as well as crying). The resulting recordings were used as individual stimulus material: crying was used under an active experimental condition, and the sounds of a calm child were used in the control.

Scientists tracked activation in response to infant crying processing in the supplementary motor area (associated with intention and readiness to move, as well as the "start" mechanism for speech), in the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex (including Broca's area responsible for processing and producing speech) , as well as in the superior and middle temporal gyrus, which are responsible for processing complex auditory information.

The aim of the second study was to replicate and extend the findings by conducting an experiment with more experienced young mothers from a different, non-Western culture. This experiment involved 44 young Chinese mothers who gave birth to their first child an average of 7.5 months before the start of the experiment. The participants also audio-recorded the sounds made by their babies: crying was used as a stimulus for the active experimental condition, and the rest of the sounds as a control.

In response to infant crying, researchers also found activation in the supplementary motor area, dorsolateral prefrontal cortex, and superior and middle temporal gyri.

The third experiment involved 12 Italian women: six young mothers and six childless women. The crying sounds of ten one-year-old boys and ten girls were used as stimulus material. The scientists thus tracked the differences in the neurobiological responses of women who had given birth and those who were childless to children's crying.