Missed miscarriage story

Keri's story - a missed miscarriage

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Keri shares her experience of conservative (natural) management.

I feel I can’t really talk about it as miscarriage is such a taboo subject, yet 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage…that’s a lot of people not talking.

In November 2014 I suffered a Missed Miscarriage, where the baby dies but you carry on carrying it and your body continues to think it’s pregnant. It’s something I read about and thought God I really hope that never happens to me, it would be horrendous…and then I actually did go through it.

I found out I was pregnant just a few weeks after accepting my job offer. I was scared, and it put some pressure on our marriage but eventually we grew used to the idea. I started to actually look forward to my son having a playmate. I started to make plans like you do.

Symptoms

I started getting all the symptoms and awful stretching pains. These were worse than I had experienced before but just went with it. With my son I had several episodes of bleeding and so far this pregnancy was fine. I was even thinking to myself this may be really not too bad.

Then I started having some spotting. It carried on to the next day so I called the maternity ward who told me to go to A&E. I went on my own, waited to be called in to the waiting room and was jabbed several times till they could get my blood, and was then given an appointment for 5 days’ time for an ultrasound scan. I went home angry and upset, and paid for a private scan later that evening.

Diagnosis

When I had the scan, I knew when she asked if I was sure of my dates that something was wrong. She carried on and I knew the baby had died, there was no flickering heartbeat. She was lovely and was sorry my hospital was leaving me so long.

I held back the tears till I got outside. Whilst people were out celebrating Bonfire Night, I was trying to come to terms with the knowledge that I was carrying my dead baby. My womb far from carrying life had turned into a tomb. The next day I called and cancelled my booking appointment and scans. I was nearly 12 weeks, my baby had died about a week before but as the doctor had explained, my uterus and the placenta had continued to grow. Nice cruel trick my body was playing.

The next week, when I went to the hospital for the appointment they had made, I told them I had already had a scan, but they wanted to do another. So this time with my husband in the room we saw our dead baby again, and it was shrinking back down to size. It was now the size of nearly 8 weeks, still looking like a little teddy bear.

Making decisions

My options were explained to me about having surgery (ERPC) where there is a risk of rupture, tablets where you pass the baby on the ward in hospital, or conservative management where you wait and see and let nature take its course. This is what I decided on.

I asked questions, such as why did the blood smell like something from an abattoir and was told this is normal – I couldn’t understand why I was the only one who could smell it but of course my body still thought it was pregnant so I had a hyper sense of smell.

I went home so upset, so numb, and feeling so useless. I felt like I deserved it, I had considered an abortion so this was the universe paying me back. I also thought about whether it just died without pain or if it was suffering and if there was any fear. Do foetuses have a sense of fear or consciousness when so underdeveloped?

The physical process

I returned to work on the Monday, still bleeding and it getting steadily heavier. By Wednesday morning the pain was so intense, I woke up early feeling real contraction pains, feeling like I needed to urinate and I made my way to the bathroom. There was so much blood, and I soon realised the need to urinate was pressure of needing to pass something, so I pushed and out came the placenta and part of the sac and umbilical cord. I couldn’t see the baby but was bleeding so much I wondered if I had somehow ‘lost’ it.

About half an hour later I had that same pressure feeling. I went to the bathroom and I passed the baby. This tiny little foetus, only an inch if that with tiny arms and legs, just lay there. My heart felt like it had been ripped apart. It was so small, just as you would think and so lifeless…

A place for the baby

I didn’t really know what to do with the baby. None of the literature told me what to do, I knew I didn’t want to just ‘flush it away’ but what? Why wasn’t there any practical advice, why wasn’t I told I would have contractions?

I wrapped the foetus up and stored it in a container. I was so upset and confused and angry, that not thinking straight I went to work like it. It was too soon, but I just needed to clear my head and think. I had read about someone being offered a burial service by their hospital… but my hospital I’m sure wasn’t about to offer that. So we bought a cherry tree the next day and I wrapped it up in cloth and buried it under the tree.

On 19^th of November I had another scan. The scan showed that I still had miniscule amounts of ‘products of conception’, such a lovely term, and they felt I would pass it soon. I passed some more ‘tissue’ on the 28^th. I had to wait another couple of weeks to do another pregnancy test to see if my hormones had returned to normal so on the 13^th December I did that and the test was negative. A few days later I started my first period since the miscarriage and was taken aback when I passed yet more tissue… it felt like it was never ending.

Feelings

And so here I am now, a few months on and trying my hardest to come to terms with this. I had a miscarriage before I fell with my daughter but I was less than six weeks and it was nothing like this, and the pain was healed with her arrival. This was something else. An online friend who has experienced the same said it changes you, and I think it does too; I feel like a part of me died and I know to those who have never gone through it, and even partners it probably sounds stupid.

It hurts. I feel I can’t really talk about it as miscarriage is such a taboo subject, yet 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage…that’s a lot of people not talking.

I feel like people will think I am being self-indulgent being upset, as you know it wasn’t a ‘real baby’ that you felt kick, or that you nursed and watched grow. But yes even with all that, I still hurt; I am banking on it getting easier as all things do. But what really digs in is the fact that the last time I will probably ever carry a baby, it died inside of me. THAT is so painful. No matter how much my logical biologist brain tells me it was probably a genetic defect, there is still that nagging doubt that it was my fault, that maybe I did something wrong, ate the wrong thing, didn’t do enough of the right things, allowed myself to be too stressed. And still, like on a loop, it comes back to I was a walking tomb and that’s all…and nothing will change that and I am just done and washed up.

I will more than likely be sterilised, and that scares me too, I don’t want to go under general anaesthetic, but after being on hormones most of my adult life I don’t want to do that anymore either. Again none of this is discussed when you have a miscarriage, at least in my experience. Nobody asked me what I was doing about contraception, if I was going to try again, nothing. Maybe they figure I am too old for that conversation. But I do feel somewhat let down. I am glad I didn’t have lots of medical intervention, but some practical advice, just something to say, ‘yes, this is normal’.

So why bother writing this? I feel we should be supportive to women who go through this; and to the rest of the family who feel the anguish of it. I just hope that if you are ever unlucky enough to go through this horrendous experience that you are able to see that whatever you decide to do, it is the right thing for you. There is no wrong or right. In the end I guess I just want anyone that ever loses their unborn child before they are viable doesn’t feel like the failure I’ve felt like, and that they feel supported during what is a very common yet emotionally awful experience.

Keri

See more stories about

missed / delayed / silent miscarriage
natural management

Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Stories

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In this section of our website, we share personal stories, videos and poems by people who have been affected by pregnancy loss.

Reading about others’ experiences of miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy or molar pregnancy can be reassuring, and may help you feel less alone. However, the experience of pregnancy loss is different for everyone. What the loss of your baby means to you, and how you feel about it, will be shaped by all kinds of things to do with the person you are and your particular circumstances. So, although you will probably find you share a lot with others, it’s important to remember that no one else’s experience of miscarriage will be exactly like yours.

If you are looking for specific stories, please use the ‘Search stories’ tab below where you can choose from a list of topics.

If you would like to submit your own story, in written or video format, to be considered for this section, please email us at: [email protected]. We aren’t able to post all the stories sent to us but we’ll let you know either way. We ask that written stories are up to 800 words long and while we may edit stories it will always be with your consent and final approval.

You can also share your story on our Days That Matter website, where you can choose a significant date to mark, perhaps the anniversary of a loss or a due date.

Stories
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Poems
Audio
Search stories

Stories

Emmeline’s story

Emmeline talks about losing one of her twins in pregnancy and the conflicting emotions and isolation she felt.

Scott’s story

Scott shares his experience of miscarriage, pregnancy after loss and how important it is for partners to be able to find support.

Fiona’s story

Fiona shares her story of having a missed miscarriage, with details of the physical process of her loss.

Chenay’s story

Chenay found out that she had experienced a missed miscarriage at her 12 week scan. Here, she talks about going through medical management but then requiring surgery, and her recovery.

Sabina’s story

Sabina reflects on her way of coping at the time of her miscarriages and the impact of her losses years later.

Amy’s story

Amy shares her experience of miscarriage, returning to work, and how the grief still catches her off guard 5 years later.

Emma’s story

Emma shares her experience of coping with loss after having 5 miscarriages in between having her 3 children.

Dawn’s story

After having a miscarriage, Dawn describes how it helped to find support from others who had been through pregnancy loss.

Jessica’s story

Jessica had 5 losses, including an ectopic pregnancy, and 2 successful pregnancies. She shares how she has had to learn to cope with the ongoing grief for her losses.

Paul and Liv’s story

Paul and Liv have been through IVF and pregnancy loss. Here, Paul talks about the impact this has had and making decisions for the future.

Violet’s story

From her home in China, Violet shares her experience of recurrent loss and how sharing her story on the Chinese platform Red has helped her and her followers.

Megan’s story

Megan had a missed miscarriage, a healthy pregnancy and then another miscarriage. In her account here, she shares her complex feelings around her losses and hopes for the future.

Corin’s story

Corin shares her story of a missed miscarriage at 11 weeks, including details of the physical process.

Mabel’s story

Mabel shares her difficult feelings after experiencing a miscarriage when she was 19 and didn’t know she was pregnant.

Nadine’s story

Nadine shares her story of a missed miscarriage, including details of medical and surgical management.

Charlotte’s story

Charlotte writes about her experience of having a missed miscarriage, including details of the physical process.

Tamar and Paul’s story

After years of fertility problems, Tamar and her husband Paul had a miscarriage following IVF. Here Tamar shares their story of fertility treatment, loss and how they support the M.A. with their business.

Laura’s story

Laura has experienced recurrent miscarriage, an ectopic pregnancy and fertility treatment. She shares her story here.

Rose’s story

Rose, a midwife, shares her experience of having a missed miscarriage including details of the physical process. Rose also talks about how she will remember her baby.

A story of twin loss

G shares her experience of finding out she had lost twins and her feelings about the taboo of miscarriage, including amongst Asian culture.

Natasha’s story

Natasha shares her story of recurrent loss, how it has affected her and her husband and their hopes for the future.

Eve’s story

Eve, who works as a midwife, talks about her experience of having a missed miscarriage and how she was supported by her family, friends and colleagues.

Jade’s story

Jade shares her experience of miscarriage at 11 weeks, including the physical loss and how her friends and family offered their support.

Slowly losing my baby

Jennifer shares her story of having a missed miscarriage and feelings of failure after she felt like she didn’t physically experience a ‘real’ miscarriage.

Molly’s story

Molly shares her experience of the physical, mental and emotional impact of having a blighted ovum.

Lucie’s story

Lucie shares her story of not knowing she was pregnant before being rushed to A&E with an ectopic pregnancy.

Back to back loss

Anna shares her story of miscarriage at 12 weeks followed by the loss of her daughter, Blossom, at 18 weeks.

Miscarriage in a pandemic

Helen shares her experience of having a miscarriage during the coronavirus pandemic, with a detailed description of the physical loss.

Emily’s story

Emily shares her story of having a missed miscarriage, which happened during the coronavirus pandemic. She talks about her feelings and experiencing flashbacks.

Natalie’s story

Natalie shares her story of finding out she was pregnant and then miscarrying in the space of 48 hours.

Joanna-Marie’s story

Joanna-Marie shares her experience of miscarriage with a detailed, practical account of what physically happened to her.

Katy’s story

Katy shares her experience of recurrent miscarriage. She talks about finding support and her feelings about a future with her wife, without children.

Lucy’s story

Lucy shares her story of finding out she had a blighted ovum at her 12 week scan. She describes the shock of being told and her feelings afterwards.

Charlotte’s story

Charlotte talks about experiencing a miscarriage while preparing to make a decision about what to do after finding out her baby’s chance of survival was very low.

Kenzie’s story

Kenzie shares her story of having a miscarriage at 16. She talks about how she feels and how she remembers her baby.

Hayley’s story

Hayley shares her story of going through pregnancy loss 9 times and the impact recurrent miscarriage has had on her.

Georgina’s story

Georgina talks about her experience of having a missed miscarriage, the physical process and what helped her recovery.

Leanne’s story

Leanne talks about her experience of having 4 miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy. She also shares her concerns about her age and how long she can keep trying for a second child.

Olivia’s story

Olivia talks about her experience of having 2 miscarriages, both during the coronavirus pandemic.

Emma’s story

Emma shares her story of an ectopic pregnancy, a missed miscarriage and pregnancy after loss.

Rachel’s story

Rachel shares her experience of having two miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy. She talks about her feelings about pregnancy after loss and having a miscarriage during the coronavirus pandemic.

Paige’s story

Working as a Midwife through the pandemic meant that Paige was often the sole supporter of women when Covid meant their loved ones couldn’t be there. And then she found that she was pregnant.

Lauren’s story

Lauren talks about her experience of having two miscarriages and her feelings when pregnant after loss. She shares how, after having her baby, it is still difficult for her to think about trying again.

Anjali’s story

Anjali shares her story of recurrent miscarriage and fertility treatment. She talks about her experience as a British born Indian woman and the difficulties she and her husband faced in talking to their family amidst a cultural fear of how others might judge them.

Adel’s story

Adel talks about her third miscarriage, with details of having a manual vacuum aspiration (MVA) procedure in hospital.

Jennifer’s story

Jennifer shares her story of experiencing three miscarriages and how difficult it was for her to talk to anyone about them.

Rebecca’s story

Rebecca shares her story of miscarriage, with details of being in hospital and how difficult it can be to talk about.

Bophanie’s story

Bophanie writes about her experience of a missed miscarriage. She shares her feelings and details of the physical process.

Home is where my heart is

Sarah experienced a miscarriage at 10 weeks, during the coronavirus pandemic. Here she reflects on her feelings about her pregnancy and loss.

Making Room For New Things

Dana’s story gives voice to molar pregnancy and the complex emotions women experience around grief and navigating conversations around pregnancy loss.

Rachel’s story

Rachel describes the pain of multiple miscarriages, both early and late in pregnancy, but reflects that whatever the future holds, she won’t be facing it alone.

Elisha’s story

Elisha shares her experience of miscarriage during lockdown, and the heartbreak for her and her partner on being separated during such a painful time.

Laura-Rose and Stacey’s story

Laura-Rose talks of the isolation she and her wife Stacey have felt, both as being mothers together and when they experienced a miscarriage – and how they have used their experience to make a positive difference for other LGBT+ people.

Zainab’s story – talking about faith

Zainab shares how joy turned to grief when her baby daughter Noa died late in her pregnancy, and how her religious faith helped her feel less lonely after her loss.

Nicola’s story

Nicola found that being open with work colleagues and friends about her losses meant that people started to open up in return. She reminds us too that not everyone wants to do so.

Dear Me

Jade’s letter to her younger self carries wisdom and compassion, and the messages that it’s okay not to be okay, that all feelings are valid and that it’s always good to have hope.

Miscarriage is a lonely business

Amy reflects on the loneliness that she felt during her miscarriages and the pain of seeing the happy milestones and announcements of family and friends.

John’s story

John reflects on his and his wife’s second miscarriage and the impact of not sharing their loss or his sadness and pain with those around him.

Sarah’s story

Sarah shares her story of miscarriage, the isolation and loneliness she felt and its impact on her mental health.

Michaela’s story

Michaela reflects on the loneliness she felt after the loss of her son, Zachary and how friendship and people listening and not trying to fix her, helped her through.

Caroline’s story

Caroline describes her seventh loss, following her miracle baby, as one of the one of the most horrific and lonely experiences of her life. CBT and her support group helped her through.

Sophie’s story

Sophie describes how her miscarriage happened very suddenly and also shares how her and her husband supported each other afterwards.

Sarah’s story

Sarah experienced recurrent losses in two different workplaces, and found much more support and understanding in the second of the two.

Donna’s story

Donna’s manager was supportive when she experienced miscarriage, but she wishes he had advised her colleagues to behave in the same way.

Sally’s story

When Sally needed time off work for treatment and monitoring of her ectopic pregnancy, she was put under pressure to return to work.

Peter’s story

When Peter and his wife experienced four consecutive miscarriages, attitudes at his workplace only added to his distress.

Julia’s story

When Julia and her husband experienced four consecutive miscarriages, her employers were understanding and supportive.

Angie’s story

Angie’s two miscarriages happened in different workplaces and their responses couldn’t have been more different.

Hannah’s story

Hannah describes her experiences of miscarriage and the support and understanding she had at work.

Phillippa’s story

Phillippa shares her story of experiencing a miscarriage after 4 years of trying to get pregnant, and of going through this during the coronavirus pandemic.

Emily’s story

Emily shares her story of having a miscarriage in her final year of university, during lockdown.

Caroline’s story

Caroline talks about experiencing a miscarriage during lockdown, just days before her 12 week scan appointment.

Leanne’s story

Leanne describes her experience of a missed miscarriage and needing hospital care during the coronavirus pandemic.

Julie’s story

Julie talks about her experience of having two miscarriages within 6 months, one of which happened during the coronavirus pandemic.

Natalie’s story

Natalie tells her story of having had two missed miscarriages – one during lockdown – and how she turned to the Miscarriage Association helpline for support.

Floriana’s story

Floriana talks about her experience of having a miscarriage in hospital, during the Covid-19 pandemic.

Rainbows for Brodie – My late miscarriage story

Yvonne shares her story of losing her son Brodie at 20 weeks. She hopes that her story will help others who find themselves in the same situation, to be a bit more prepared for what to expect during a late miscarriage.

India’s story

India shares her story of experiencing a missed miscarriage during lockdown. She describes the physical impact, her feelings afterwards and what she and her husband did to remember their baby.

My Baby – An Unfiltered View of Miscarriage

Anjulie and James have experienced three instances of baby loss, most recently with the death of their daughter Summer (aged 19+5). Here Anjulie shares a post from her baby loss blog about her experience of her second miscarriage, which happened unexpectedly at home.

Brett’s story

Brett shares his experience of repeated pregnancy loss and having his daughter, and how he hopes that by sharing his story other men going through something similar won’t suffer in silence.

Sophie’s story

Sophie shares her story of a missed miscarriage and how it felt being in lockdown afterwards due to coronavirus (COVID-19).

Megan’s story

Megan describes her experience of pregnancy loss during the COVID-19 pandemic, and the impact of having to go to appointments alone and not being able to see friends and family.

Cerian’s story

In this example of good workplace practice, Cerian shared her experience of how she was supported by her managers during her miscarriages.

Becky’s story

Becky shares her story of experiencing a missed miscarriage during the coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic, which meant fewer options for miscarriage management and her husband not being able to accompany her in hospital.

Amy’s story

Amy shares her story of loss, with details of medical management of miscarriage and reduced access to hospital services due to the coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic.

Wendy & Barry’s story

Wendy and Barry share their story of experiencing a miscarriage during the coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic, with reduced access to hospital services.

Amy’s story

Amy talks about experiencing recurrent miscarriage after her first child, with details of miscarrying at home.

Emily’s story

Emily writes about her 3 losses, including 2 late losses, and her feelings about what the future holds.

Emma’s story

Emma shares her experience of having two miscarriages and her feelings about the possibility of not having any children.

Hattie’s Story

Hattie shares her feelings about experiencing a miscarriage after a termination, and about being pregnant again after loss.

Amie’s story

Amie describes what it was like to miscarry at home, deciding what to do next and her care at hospital.

Ellie’s story

Ellie writes about her experience of infertility, IVF and miscarriage and the effects on her mental health.

No man is an island

Dominic shares his traumatic and graphic memories in the hope that it will help others who tend to keep their sadness deep inside.

Kyle’s story

Kyle and his wife have experienced six pregnancy losses. He reflects on his feelings during that time.

Lara’s story

After the third of her six losses, Lara was left with PTSD. Counselling helped her begin to heal.

Kathy’s story

Kathy was 15 when she had a miscarriage. She shares her story in the hope that it can help someone going through something similar, so that they don’t have to feel as alone as she did.

Rebecca’s story

Rebecca shares the story of her missed miscarriage, the physical process of her loss over more than two weeks and the impact it had on her and her partner.

H’s story

H writes about how the trauma of a miscarriage at 15 weeks has led to ongoing anxiety attacks and insomnia. She reflects on how it has changed her as a person.

Jennifer’s story

Jennifer experienced the shock of a missed, or silent, miscarriage. She hopes that telling her story will help other women feel like they can talk about miscarriage without feeling shame or stigma.

Amelia’s story

Sixteen-year-old Amelia shares her experience of having a miscarriage before she realised she was pregnant.

Mel’s story

Mel was diagnosed with suspected PTSD after a missed miscarriage. She writes about what happened and how she got through the darkest times.

Jess’ story

Jess thought she was OK after her miscarriage – but she fell into a deep depression when her sister announced she was pregnant.

Hayley’s story

Hayley experienced anxiety, depression and panic attacks after losing her daughter Luna at 19 weeks.

Sophie’s story

Sophie shares her experience of a missed miscarriage and how she wants to help others by telling her story.

Sarah’s story

Sarah writes about having a missed miscarriage that was then diagnosed as a partial molar pregnancy.

Colette’s story

Colette shares her experience of a missed miscarriage that was then diagnosed as a partial molar pregnancy.

My miscarriage

I still sometimes dwell on the fact that I am in a way a mother of two, but the other ‘child’ is not known by anyone or acknowledged in any way, except by me, as my husband has now died.

Sarah’s story

Sarah writes about having a miscarriage at 17 weeks and talking to her 7 year old son about it.

Bea’s story

Bea shares her story of miscarriage after an abortion, and feelings during pregnancy after loss.

Sally’s story

Sally had 6 losses, including an ectopic pregnancy and writes about coping with her feelings during her pregnancies.

Donna’s story

Donna shares how the experience of 3 miscarriages affected her during her following pregnancies.

Claire’s story

Claire had multiple miscarriages and writes about how she dealt with anxiety during her pregnancies.

Gilly’s story

Gilly shares her story of three miscarriages, including two losses after starting fertility treatment.

Uzma’s story

Uzma shares her feelings of grief and thoughts of the future after her second miscarriage in an eight month period.

Precious’ story

Precious writes about her miscarriage and ectopic pregnancy, and shares her advice on how to comfort someone after pregnancy loss.

Hush-a-bye Baby

Lynda’s story of the loss of her baby was broadcast as part of Radio Ulster’s ‘My Story’ series on the BBC.

Keyan, on ‘Simply Say’

Keyan and his wife have experienced five miscarriages. Here he reflects on a partner’s experience of loss and how it’s talked about.

Natasha and Jay

Natasha and her husband experienced repeated early miscarriages, as well as the loss of their son at 19 weeks, but they remain hopeful.

Sophie’s story

Sophie has experienced repeated miscarriages. She shares some of the comments she has received from others.

Gemma’s story

Gemma writes about her experience of recurrent miscarriage and taking part in the RESPONSE trial.

Nina’s story

Nina has had six miscarriages between 6 and 8 weeks. She writes about how being open about her experiences has helped.

Michelle’s story

Michelle shares her experience of having a late miscarriage, and why she decided to volunteer for the Miscarriage Association.

Jennifer’s story

Jennifer shares the things people have said to her after her six miscarriages, and the impact that recurrent miscarriage has had on her and her husband.

Kate’s story

Kate writes about experiencing multiple chemical pregnancies and miscarriage, and how Mother’s Day was a trigger for expressing her grief and finding support.

Jemma’s story

Jemma experienced three miscarriages between the birth of her son in 2010 and her daughter in 2013. She writes about her ongoing grief for her lost babies.

Néna’s story

Néna writes about her experience of four miscarriages, the birth of her son, and why she became a media volunteer for the Miscarriage Association.

Sally’s story

Sally shares her experience of multiple miscarriages, and the comfort that she found on social media.

Nicola’s story

After five miscarriages, Nicola shares the helpful and unhelpful things that people have said, and how she’s now raising awareness to help others.

Natasha’s story

Natasha writes about having two miscarriages in a twelve month period, the worry of pregnancy after these losses and why she wanted to volunteer to help the Miscarriage Association.

Ruth’s story

After her third pregnancy ended in miscarriage, Ruth found that blogging and talking to others who’d gone through a similar loss helped her through.

Hayley’s story

After giving birth to a healthy boy in 2013, Hayley experienced two miscarriages in 2016. She writes here about how talking about her experience has helped.

Kathryn’s story

Kathryn experienced pregnancy loss four times (including a twin loss in one pregnancy) before the birth of her daughter in 2013. She writes about how important it is to acknowledge the grief.

Andrea’s story

Andrea writes about her two miscarriages and the comments from her colleagues when she returned to work.

Lizzie’s story

Having experienced six miscarriages, Lizzie shares how blogging and connecting with others has given her a sense of purpose.

Michelle’s story

Michelle shares some of the helpful and less-helpful comments she received over the course of her three miscarriages.

Amy’s story

Amy started to miscarry the night before her 12 week scan. She writes here about the physical and emotional experience of loss.

Caroline’s story

Caroline experienced five miscarriages before the birth of her son in 2012. She shares here people’s reactions changed during her journey.

Paul’s story

Paul shares how talking about miscarriage openly and empathetic support from others has helped him through the experience of recurrent losses.

Lauren’s story

While waiting to start fertility treatment, Lauren found out she was pregnant. Sadly, she miscarried just a few weeks later.

My Baby

Anita shares her feelings on the loss of her IVF baby after years of hoping and planning.

A miscarriage features prominently

A miscarriage features prominently in Richard Burke’s second novel, “Redemption”. In the account below, first published in The Independent, he writes about his and his wife’s experience of ectopic pregnancy and recurrent miscarriage.

17 years old

Reflections on unplanned pregnancy and its potential change to rest of life, and then miscarriage.

Little Sesame

A description of a missed miscarriage, diagnosed at 8 weeks, confirmed at 9 weeks and then miscarrying naturally.

My story

A detailed story of recurrent miscarriage, natural and medical management and the value of counselling.

The worst day

Three years after his partner’s miscarriage, Neil shares his feelings of grief and distress both then and now.

I’m sorry

Laura shares her story of miscarriage and the next pregnancy, hoping it might help others in similar circumstances.

Losing

Despite saying “I’m always losing things”, Catherine never uses the phrase ‘I lost a baby’.

Waiting

Flennie reflects on the amount of waiting, of being ‘in limbo’ before, during and after miscarriage.

Love and loss

Zoe shares her joy, thoughts and dreams when her pregnancy is confirmed and how these feelings change when she then miscarries.

Lucas

Lindsay lost her son Lucas sixteen weeks into her pregnancy. Here she shares her story.

Jade’s story

Jade was just coming to terms with her miscarriage when she found out it was a molar pregnancy.

Martha’s story

Two weeks after her miscarriage, Martha reflects on her experience and her feelings about what happened.

My little angel

In Babyloss Awareness Week, a year after her loss, Lilla reminds us that fathers can suffer just as much as mothers and that it is important to care for them and the relationship too.

My 5

Jemma shares her blog entry which reflects on the five babies she has carried and the impact of multiple miscarriages.

Mona’s story

Mona remembers the loss of her first baby, 41 years ago. Her story was first published on our Facebook group, and is shared here with permission.

Videos

Janette’s story

Janette experienced 4 miscarriages in between having her 2 children. Here she talks about the ongoing impact of her losses.

Leanne’s miscarriage story

Leanne and Mark experienced two miscarriages, one before and one after having their daughter. Here Leanne talks about the emotional impact and the physical process.

Faye’s story

Faye talks about her experience of having a miscarriage at work and the support she would have liked.

Kirstie’s story

In a video uploaded to Facebook, fifteen-year-old Kirstie tells the story of the late loss of her son Jacob.

Poems

I never…

Charlotte shares a poem she wrote after a miscarriage, in the hope that it will help others going through something similar.

Our little surprise

Sophie shares a poem she wrote after having a miscarriage. Reading the poems here helped Sophie feel less alone and she hopes her words will bring comfort to others too.

Overcoming a loss

Vanshika, aged 8 and a half, wrote this poem to express her feelings about losing a sibling, after her mum experienced a molar pregnancy.

To my baby…

Alex shares a poem she wrote about the devastation she felt after finding out she’d had a missed miscarriage.

Sailing Boats

Jess shares her feelings in a poem to describe the shock and cruelty of finding out she’d had a missed miscarriage at her 12 week scan.

Two Lines

Jade shares the poem she wrote to help her work through her emotions following a miscarriage.

Why

Sarah was moved to write a poem after experiencing a miscarriage after undergoing a round of IVF. She hopes that it might resonate with other people going through something similar.

When my heart hurts

Jodie shares her poem about her experience of recurrent loss and hopes others may find some comfort in reading it.

To be a mum

Hayley and her partner experienced a missed miscarriage at 10 weeks. Hayley found that putting her feelings into words by writing this poem is helping her to process what has happened.

They had a baby too

Chrisma has lost 2 pregnancies and is yet to have a baby. She found that writing this poem helped her to come to terms with the pain and is helping her in the grieving process.

A Mother’s Poem

Phillippa’s poem conveys how she feels after having a miscarriage when others talk about being a mummy.

Little Olive

In Yasmin’s poem she describes her feelings when she found out she was pregnant and after miscarrying at 10 weeks.

My ectopic pregnancy

Charlotte shares her poem about her feelings after an ectopic pregnancy, with a reminder that it’s ok to feel however you feel.

TTC

Holly shares her poem – “Back on our own again, Having another try, The only thing I ask myself… is why?”

Together

Alexandra shares her poem, written about her experience of miscarriage and how she feels that women coming together and sharing the M.A.’s Simply Say message can help.

95% safe, 100% perfect

Despite seeing a heartbeat and being assured of a 95% chance of her pregnancy being safe, Katie miscarried. She hopes this poem will help others, just as other people’s stories and poems have helped her and her partner.

Always with you

D.L. writes: “A poem that I hope conveys the heartache and heartbreak following a miscarriage, the reciprocal bond between a mother and her child and the longing that lasts forever.”

The Stolen “I”

Elizabeth notes: “I wrote this after my 3rd recurrent miscarriage – explaining my struggle with a new reality of self and for those around me I felt that I had let down.”

It wasn’t meant to be

The seeds were sown and found their pew
Week by week, our cherished seeds grew
So much excitement filled the air
Hearts full of anticipation, to tell those who care.

Two lines

Waiting, waiting, so anxiously waiting, the two week wait of hell,
Buying the test, racing upstairs even though it might not end well,
Three minutes is all it takes to show but it feels like a life time,
Hoping, praying, trying to relax, convincing yourself it’s all fine.

Saying Goodbye

Today we say goodbye to our seedling
Who never saw our eyes
Or even their big brother
Who is so cheeky and kind

10½ weeks

Helen wrote a poem after losing her baby, conceived naturally after four failed IVF attempts.

The love within

I never got to feel you move or hear your tiny heart
The love was all within
I never got to see your face or hold your tiny hands
The love was well within

My poem from my broken heart

People buzzing round me – it’s just another day,
For me it’s a real struggle to keep my grief at bay.
My baby is in heaven – how can I deal with that?
Trying to be ok and keep my feelings under my hat.

Handprint

Though I only saw you as an image on a screen
I still love you, with every inch of my being…

Speck

You are my fish-flapping, lost, slip of life,
My speck, I had only a short time
With your real-unreal, what-might-have-been image…

My leaf

It was the tiniest leaf that fell from the big oak tree,
so tiny yet so perfectly formed but never meant to be.

To Mend A Broken Heart

It’s hard to find the words my darling,
The words people expect to hear.
Like how I can’t live any longer,
Knowing you’re not here.

The little blue line

Such excitement, such joy
We could hardly believe our luck when we saw you appear
Disbelief and a tingle of fear
Our little line of joy

Still so small

A poem by Charlotte whose baby girl was found to have no heartbeat at 19 weeks and was finally delivered at 19 weeks and 3 days.

Our little angels

Joy is a wonderful thing were pregnant
The moment we found out,
We were over joyed with happiness
This soon turned to grief

Silent loss

Karen Gardner miscarried her son, Stolly, 18 weeks into her pregnancy. These are her reflections on her loss and that time.

Loss

After our first loss, we moved on.
As you do.
But our second loss,
over the Christmas period;
somehow
had welded itself to all
that we do.

For Zamira

A month before what would have been her due date, Karen Mercer wrote the following poem for her baby, Zamira, who died at 8 weeks.

From dark hours will come joy

I’ve wandered aimless as a dandelion scattered to the wind,
Watched helpless as the tides of emotion sweep across your Mother’s brow,
Seen rivers bathe her tired cheeks,
And wished I could have known you as she has…

Not

Not a blob but a baby
Not foetal tissue
But flesh of my flesh
Bairn of my bone.

90,000 personal stories - DW - 02.22.2022

Photo: Colorbox/ANEK

Health Germania

Natalia Koroleva

February 22, 2022

For the baby, the dreams were already associated with him. - and suddenly it is no more. How to recover from such grief? The author of a new book published in Germany wants to help women who have lost an unborn child.

https://p.dw.com/p/45vsJ

Miscarriage. It is extremely difficult for women who are faced with a forced termination of pregnancy to talk about this topic. After all, the loss of a child even at an early stage of pregnancy is an indescribably great grief: a name was already being thought out for the baby - and suddenly he is no more. As statistics show, almost every third pregnant woman experiences such a shock.

The cover of the book "Every 3rd woman"

The book by 37-year-old German writer, journalist and TV presenter Natascha Zagorski (Natascha Sagorski), which was published on February 21 by the Munich publishing house Komplett-Media, is called "Every 3rd woman" ("Jede 3. Frau").

The author dedicated it to all star children (Sternenkinder) and their parents. Star children, as well as angel children and butterfly children in Germany, are called stillborn babies, who died during childbirth, or who died shortly after their birth. In her book, Natasha Zagorski gives an opportunity to speak to 25 women who lost their unborn children, but did not give up on the path to a successful pregnancy, as well as a man who survived the need to terminate the pregnancy of his beloved. Their stories show that those who have experienced such severe psychological trauma must definitely work through it, and not be left alone with their fate.

"I can no longer hear the embryo's heartbeat"

Natasha Zagorski knows firsthand what a miscarriage is. She herself experienced such a tragedy during her first and very desired pregnancy. It was after this that the writer decided to collect the stories of people who had similar experiences and publish a book based on them - to help millions of other women who have experienced perinatal loss and give them hope. This book begins with her own story.

Writer Natasha Zagorski Photo: Ron Keil

Natasha's first pregnancy was like first love: both she and her husband fluttered with happiness and lived in anticipation of a miracle - the birth of their first child. And when, at the next examination, the doctor suddenly said that many women lose their baby at a very early stage during their first pregnancy, the girl was somewhat stunned - especially since during the previous ultrasound she saw how her baby’s heart was beating, and she already began to imagine how it would be take him to the nursery, pick up his shoes, buy all sorts of other things, but I certainly did not think about the miscarriage.

And when the doctor then uttered the fateful phrase: "I'm sorry, but I can no longer hear the embryo's heartbeat," Natasha was speechless, and then burst into tears. As the author of the book admits, she has never experienced such a shock. According to her, the horror that grips a pregnant woman when she learns that her unborn baby is no more cannot be compared with anything.

The writer candidly describes the state in which she was then: how she did not want to meet with anyone except her husband, communicate, and even more so discuss what had happened, how she fenced herself off from the world, spending days on end alone with her mental pain and a sense of inner emptiness, as with the support of a loved one, she found the strength to live on. The girl writes so sincerely about everything that, while reading this book, one gets the impression that she is sharing her grief with you personally.

"I've always wanted to become a mother"

Other heroines speak just as openly about themselves - completely different women who were united by their grief.

"I always knew that I wanted to become a mother. And preferably very young. My mother was 23 years old when she gave birth to me, and we are still incredibly close, almost like friends. I want this for my children too. That's why I didn’t hide my desire to have children when I met my now husband, and on one of the first dates I asked directly how open he was to this topic,” says 31-year-old Kathy (Cathy).

Photo: Colourbox/Serhii Bobyk

It turned out that her boyfriend also dreamed of a family and children. And when, a few months after they began dating, Katya realized that she was expecting a baby, both were in seventh heaven. Of course, the girl heard that not every pregnancy ends happily, but it never occurred to her that such a thing could befall her - her life was too cloudless and carefree. However, it so happened that Katya's pregnancy turned out to be ectopic, and this provoked a miscarriage.

"Suddenly I felt a sharp pain and saw blood - and I realized that my baby was no more. And then I was seized by a terrible mental pain. This deep, piercing pain and the thought that a small miracle that was growing inside me and which I already fell in love with , whose heart during the ultrasound I saw beating, just died - this pain was so new to me and came with such force that I was not ready to open up to her, "says Katya.

"And suddenly I hear these terrible words.

.."

When Anja, 32, was pregnant with her first daughter, everything was going great. The expectant mother enjoyed every day and the feeling of how the little man grows inside her. She had no fears, and there were no reasons for them. All examinations went well, and she always returned home with good news. As a result, she gave birth to a healthy beautiful girl. However, later Anya found out that it could be different.

"When our daughter was two years old, my husband and I decided that it was time to expand our family. Soon I became pregnant. At first everything went well. But after a few weeks, all of a sudden I hear these terrible words from the doctor: "I can no longer detect the heartbeat of the embryo ", - says Anya.

"Sticking together will make us stronger"

Steffi, 35, has had seven miscarriages. Today, a young woman talks about it calmly, but then, after the seventh stroke of fate, she was on the verge of a breakdown.

"I was sitting on the couch and suddenly everything came out. I was crying like I've never cried in my life. Looking back, I think it was a kind of cleansing when all the old ballast fell off. Then I made myself, I guess , the most significant tattoo for me is seven small dots, one for each miscarriage, followed by a cross. This cross was supposed to mark the end of mental pain. I did not want to suffer anymore. And from that moment everything began to get better, "says Steffi.

Today she is the mother of a charming daughter. A second child is on the way. In the end, other heroines of the book "Every 3rd Woman" have become or are preparing to become mothers. Its author Natasha Zagorski gave birth, one after another, to two children. Anya now has three of them: after a miscarriage that happened two years after the birth of her daughter, she became pregnant with twins - boys were born.

According to these women, they want to give hope to those who have experienced the same grief as they did, help them cope with despair and depression, and program themselves for success. “By sticking together, we can not only become stronger, but also make others stronger. And we all only benefit from this,” Natasha Zagorski concludes her book.

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Miscarriage Recovery - ET

In recent years, the rate of miscarriage has increased significantly. A miscarriage is the spontaneous loss of a pregnancy during the first 20 weeks of pregnancy. For many couples, a miscarriage is a bereavement.

Although people often experience miscarriages quietly, this topic needs to be discussed openly because it is so common. It is estimated that every fifth pregnancy ends in a miscarriage. If you've experienced pregnancy loss, you're not alone. We hope that discussion of this topic will give you strength and help you heal.

Types of miscarriages

Damaged ovum

A fertilized ovum can be damaged early in pregnancy. The embryo then does not develop and is reabsorbed, leaving an empty gestational sac. A damaged egg is also called an embryonic pregnancy. Scientists did not agree on the reasons for such damage, but most likely the problem lies in the chromosomal abnormalities of the fertilized egg.

Women with a fertilized egg often get a positive pregnancy test and early pregnancy symptoms such as breast tenderness and nausea.

When the embryo stops growing, the levels of human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG) and progesterone begin to decrease, together with many symptoms of pregnancy. Then a discharge may appear.

Such pregnancies always end in miscarriage in the first trimester of pregnancy.

Missed miscarriage

Missed miscarriage or silent miscarriage also occurs in early pregnancy. In this case, the woman continues to experience pregnancy symptoms and feel pregnant—hence the name “missed miscarriage.” Often what happened is detected only during an ultrasound scan or due to vaginal bleeding.

Threatened miscarriage

Threatened miscarriage presents with vaginal bleeding, cramps and possibly back pain. Although this is an incredibly uncomfortable experience, not all women who experience these symptoms during the first 20 weeks of pregnancy end up in a miscarriage.

Inevitable miscarriage

Inevitable miscarriage is when a woman experiences bleeding and cramps along with cervical dilatation. In this case, women sometimes go through all stages of childbirth, but they have a miscarriage.

Incomplete miscarriage

Incomplete miscarriage is when the body does not completely reject all the tissues of the embryo. Sometimes the use of special herbs such as black cohosh, blue cohosh angelica can help in this process. Some women may need to dilate the cervix and curettage (“curettage”) to remove the contents.

Complete miscarriage

Complete miscarriage is when all the contents of the rudiment and tissue have come out of exhaustion. After a complete miscarriage, bleeding may continue for several days.

Molar pregnancy

Molar pregnancy is also called hydatidiform mole (HMS), gestational tropic disease (GTD), or mole. The pathology occurs as a result of genetic errors during fertilization and leads to the rapid growth of abnormal tissue in the uterus and the absence of an embryo. This disease occurs in one woman in 1500.

Ectopic pregnancy

If the fertilized egg grows outside the main uterine cavity, then the pregnancy is called ectopic. It usually occurs in the fallopian tube, which is why it is called a tubal pregnancy. The fertilized egg enters the fallopian tube. The child cannot develop and the mother is at risk.

Symptoms of miscarriage

Vaginal discharge or bleeding,
Abdominal or lower back pain or cramps,
Uterine contractions,
Discharge of fluid or tissue from the vagina,
Worsening or severe back pain,
Signs and symptoms of pregnancy have ceased.

Traditional Approach

If the pregnancy is long enough, doctors often recommend "curettage", in which specialists dilate the cervix using an instrument to scrape the lining of the uterus. Although this procedure solves the problem of pregnancy loss relatively quickly, it is associated with risks: perforation of the uterus, damage to the cervix, scar tissue and infection.

Holistic approach

Those looking for a natural alternative may experience spontaneous miscarriage. While this can be a real ordeal for a woman, many choose to have a miscarriage in the comfort of their own home. Sometimes, especially during pregnancies that end in the first trimester, women experience actual labor.

It is important to tell your obstetrician or midwife that you are going through this process so that they can monitor you if needed. If at any time during the miscarriage you develop a fever, chills, tenderness in the lower abdomen, or a foul-smelling discharge, you should contact your health care provider immediately.

Herbs such as blue cyanosis, black cyanosis, buckthorn bark and yagil promote natural childbirth. Angelica is especially useful if the placenta does not pass completely or there is heavy bleeding. In addition, clary sage essential oil is known for its ability to induce uterine contractions. Lavender and iladan are often used for soothing and pain relief.

If you decide to go through a natural miscarriage, contact your doctor or midwife for advice. If you experience abnormal bleeding, seizures, or other strange symptoms, be sure to contact your healthcare provider.

Recovery

Whether you choose a medical curettage or a natural miscarriage at home, the recovery process is essential to your physical, emotional and spiritual recovery. Please note the following:

Nutrition

Whole food is vital for recovery after the termination of pregnancy. Non-inflammatory foods such as organic fruits and vegetables, healthy fats, and quality, grass-fed animal products can help restore your body's nutrient stores.

Women who have had a miscarriage often need to supplement their iron, vitamin C, folate, and other B vitamins.

After termination of pregnancy, we recommend drinking tea made from nettle or red raspberry leaves to increase the tone of the uterus and help to return to an extra-pregnant state.

Rest

Rest is extremely important for the recovery of the body after an abortion, both physically and emotionally. Make sure you get at least eight hours of sleep each night to promote optimal recovery and repair. Give yourself the opportunity to experience grief and correct emotions before returning to the usual rhythm of life.

Exercise

After a physical recovery, many women begin exercising to elevate mood and regulate hormones after a miscarriage. Connecting with the stele through physical activity, not through feelings of loss, can be healing for you. Start walking, walking, or doing some other light activity.

Communication

Whether you are a loved one or a professional psychotherapist, it will be useful to talk about your grief and experiences. Miscarriage is a very common occurrence, but sometimes it seems isolated and off limits to discussion. Perhaps most helpful will be talking to other women who have had a miscarriage. Finding a reliable psychotherapist will also be helpful.

Functional and Integrative Medicine

Sometimes there are clear reasons why a miscarriage can occur. In other cases, the cause is unknown. It is important to understand that a miscarriage is a non-vashavin.