Is it ok for babies to cry

New study says that it’s okay to let babies cry at night

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When my eldest was a baby, I remember feeling so torn when she cried during the night. Our pediatrician and my mother both said that it was okay to let her cry for a while and let her learn to go back to sleep. But as I listened to her cry, I wondered: Will this make her too stressed? Will it damage her emotionally? Will it ruin our relationship?

The answer to all of those questions, according to a new study published in the journal Pediatrics, is no. Not only that, if I’d done it (I didn’t, I was too worried), my daughter and I might have gotten a bunch more sleep.

Researchers from Australia worked with families who said that their babies (ages 6-16 months) had a sleep problem. They divided the families into three groups. One was told to do “graduated extinction,” during which they let the baby cry first just for a minute before going in and interacting with them, and then gradually increased the amount of time they let them cry. Another group did something called “bedtime fading,” where they told the parents to delay bedtime so that the babies were more tired. The last group was the “control” group and got education on babies and sleep, but nothing else.

To measure the effects on the babies, the researchers did something interesting: they measured the level of cortisol, a stress hormone, in the babies’ saliva. They also asked the mothers about their levels of stress. Twelve months later, they looked for any emotional or behavioral problems in the babies, and they also did testing to see how attached the babies were to their mothers.

Here’s what they found. The babies in the graduated extinction group and the bedtime fading group both fell asleep faster and had less stress than the control group — and not only that, their mothers were less stressed than the control group mothers. Of the three groups, the extinction group babies were less likely to wake up again during the night. And when it came to emotional or behavioral problems, or attachment, all three groups were the same.

This means that it’s okay to let your baby cry a little. It’s not only okay, it may lead to more sleep all around. Which makes everyone happier.

In another study published about four years ago, researchers looked even further out than a year. They compared families who did sleep training and families who didn’t and followed them for six years. There was no difference between the two groups. Whether parents let babies cry or got up all night to hold them, the kids turned out the same.

We can get sleep and still have well-adjusted kids who love us. How great is that?

Just to be clear, “graduated extinction” doesn’t mean letting your kid cry all night. It just means that you slowly but surely help your baby learn to soothe himself when he wakes up at night, instead of always relying on you to do it. (Dr. Richard Ferber has a great book called Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems that explains all of this and is very helpful.)

It’s a natural instinct to want to stop your baby from crying. But sometimes, milestones in life involve some crying — whether it’s learning to fall back to sleep, learning to walk (there’s always a tumble), starting daycare or school (leaving parents is hard), making friends (kids can be mean), playing sports (you don’t always win), or learning to drive (oh, wait, it’s the parents who cry with that one). Never letting our children cry doesn’t help them; in fact, it can end up hurting them.

And let’s face it: getting sleep helps us be better parents.

If your baby is waking up crying at night, talk to your doctor. There are lots of reasons babies cry at night. But if your doctor tells you that everything is okay, don’t feel that you have to respond to every single cry.

Your baby will be fine.

What to Do When Babies Cry (for Parents)

Why Do Babies Cry?

All newborns cry and get fussy sometimes. It's normal for a baby to cry for 2–3 hours a day for the first 6 weeks. During the first 3 months of life, they cry more than at any other time.

New parents often are low on sleep and getting used to life with their little one. They'll quickly learn to find out if their crying baby:

is hungry
is tired
needs to be burped
is overstimulated
has a wet or dirty diaper
is too hot or cold

Often, taking care of a baby's needs is enough to soothe a baby. But sometimes, the crying goes on longer.

What Is Colic?

Some babies cry a lot more than others. A baby who cries more than 3 hours a day, more than 3 days a week, for at least 3 weeks might have colic. Usually, it starts when a baby is 2–5 weeks old and ends by the time the baby is 3–4 months old.

Colic happens to a lot of newborns. It's hard to see your baby cry so much, but colic isn't caused by anything a parent did or didn't do. The good news is babies outgrow colic.

What Is Shaken Baby Syndrome?

Shaken baby syndrome, or abusive head trauma, is when a child's brain is injured from physical abuse. Most cases happen when a parent or caregiver shakes a baby while angry or frustrated, often because the baby won't stop crying. These injuries can cause permanent brain damage or death. No one should ever shake a baby for any reason.

Finding ways to ease a parent or caregiver's stress when a baby is crying can help stop shaken baby syndrome.

What Can Help a Crying Baby?

You can't spoil your baby with too much attention. To soothe a crying baby:

First, make sure your baby doesn't have a fever. In a baby, a fever is a temperature of 100.4°F (38°C). Call the doctor right away if your baby does have a fever.
Make sure your baby isn't hungry and has a clean diaper.
Rock or walk with the baby.
Sing or talk to your baby.
Offer the baby a pacifier.
Take the baby for a ride in a stroller.
Hold your baby close against your body and take calm, slow breaths.
Give the baby a warm bath.
Pat or rub the baby's back.
Place your baby across your lap on his or her belly and rub your baby's back.
Put your baby in a swing or vibrating seat. The motion may be soothing.
Put your baby in an infant car seat in the back of the car and go for a ride. Often, the vibration and movement of the car are calming.
Play music — some babies respond to sound as well as movement.

Some babies need less stimulation. Babies 2 months and younger may do well swaddled, lying on their back in the crib with the lights very dim or dark. Make sure the swaddle isn't too tight. Stop swaddling when the baby is starting to be able to roll over.

When a Baby Won't Stop Crying

If a baby in your care won't stop crying:

Call a friend or relative for support or to take care of the baby while you take a break.
If nothing else works, put the baby on their back in an empty crib (without loose blankets or stuffed animals), close the door, and check on the baby in 10 minutes. During that 10 minutes, do something to try to relax and calm down. Try washing your face, breathing deeply, or listening to music.

Call your doctor if nothing seems to be helping the baby, in case there is a medical reason for the fussiness.

What Else Should I Know?

The National Center on Shaken Baby Syndrome offers a prevention program, the Period of PURPLE Crying, to help parents and other caregivers understand crying and how to handle it.

All Babies Cry is a program that promotes infant soothing and ways to handle a baby's crying. The program's four parts are:

What's normal about crying?
Comforting your baby.
Self-care tips for parents.
Colic and how to cope.

If you're worried you might hurt your baby or someone else will, call the national hotline 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) anytime for help.

Tell anyone caring for your baby to never shake the infant. Talk about the dangers of shaking and safe ways to soothe a baby.

Keep in mind that all babies cry a lot and it will get better. The crying isn't caused by something you did or didn't do. Take care of yourself and ask for help so you can keep taking good care of your baby.

Reviewed by: Michelle M. Karten, MD

Date reviewed: November 2019

Why does the baby cry - articles from the specialists of the clinic "Mother and Child"

Bondarenko Margarita Gennadievna

Otorhinolaryngologist (ENT)

Clinic "Mother and Child" Kuntsevo,

I want to eat!

Most often the baby cries because he wants to eat. And to understand that he is hungry is the easiest way. At first, the baby shows concern, smacks his lips, turns his head to his mother's hand, stroking his cheek, tries to put his own fist in his mouth. All this means that there is very little time left before the hungry cry. Noticing such signs, you should not wait: feed the baby on demand. Otherwise, starting to cry, he will have to spend a lot of energy trying to calm down, and therefore, he will eat less and the next time he will get hungry again too soon. In general, for children who are breastfed, during the first month of life there is no clear feeding regimen. A newborn can be applied to the breast up to 10-12 times a day.

I want to sleep!

The next reason for screaming is, oddly enough, the desire to sleep. Many parents think that a baby can fall asleep anytime, anywhere, and even in almost any position. No, it's not like that - he needs help. How do you know if your baby wants to sleep? It's easy to guess. At first, he will behave restlessly, cry, push out the pacifier, rub his eyes, yawn. And then he starts crying. Here, too, it is necessary to try to calm the child as quickly as possible so that he does not disperse in crying, otherwise it will be more difficult for him to fall asleep. Rituals will help: you can shake the baby, sing a song, put it in the usual sleeping place.

I'm wet!

Crying can be a signal that the baby is uncomfortable, such as a wet diaper. Cold and wet, they irritate the skin, so he screams: “Mom, dad, change me quickly!” Crying about this is whimpering, incessant, although it sounds either stronger or weaker, it may be accompanied by hiccups, as the child freezes in wet diapers. If the diaper is changed, and the baby is warmer to cover, he will calm down. If the child is not in diapers, but in reusable diapers, you should not relax either: they can leak or get wet inside. So, the baby is also wet and cold. If the child sleeps in one diaper all night, then he may be disturbed by a greatly increased diaper volume. And of course, children do not like to be in dirty diapers (diapers): feces quickly irritate delicate skin.

I'm hot!

If the baby is hot, he will also cry about it. He will begin to whimper, scatter his arms and legs, his skin will turn red, a small red rash (prickly heat) may appear under his clothes. At the same time, the temperature of the baby sometimes even rises to 37.5 ° C. This is what saves here: the child must be undressed (and removed diapers, especially disposable ones), wiped with a towel moistened with water at room temperature, and allowed to lie in the air for several minutes. Then you need to dress the baby, but in other, clean clothes. In the fight against overheating and prickly heat, a reasonable amount of clothing and a comfortable room temperature - no higher than 24-25 ° C will help, first of all.

I'm uncomfortable!

The reason for the inconvenience can be any: the child may scream when the temperature changes, when changing clothes, changing the diaper or wiping his bottom with a damp cloth. Newborns feel more comfortable when they are dressed or wrapped in diapers, because the touch of air on the skin is not always pleasant for them. In addition, children often do not like to be changed, especially if it is winter and you have to wear a lot of clothes. There is only one way out: learn to act as quickly as possible, causing the crumbs a minimum of inconvenience.

A few words about clothes. It is better not to buy clothes with fasteners on the back and coarse seams inside - the baby may not like it. And sometimes even the slightest thread or hair caught between the clothes and the skin of the baby causes him great inconvenience.

I want attention!

Attention and tactile sensations are very important for a child. He loves to see the faces of his mom and dad, hear their voices, communicate with them. But so far, the baby cannot ask his parents to take him in his arms, read him a fairy tale, sing a song, play - but this does not mean at all that he does not need it. Therefore, crying, the baby wants to be paid attention to, requires communication. Do not worry that the baby will get used to the hands too much. While he is so small, he needs to feel a sense of security - it is this that will later help him gain confidence in his abilities. Well, different cradles, deck chairs, playpens, child seats will only help mom and dad free their hands and at the same time place their beloved child next to them.

Once you learn to understand your baby's “language”, you will see that the reasons for crying vary from case to case. A little time and patience - and very soon you will understand what the child wants, already from the first seconds of his discontent.

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Baby crying: good or bad

Some consider children's crying useful - they say, the lungs are trained. Others are harmful: for a child it is stress. Where is the truth?

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Is baby crying normal or not?
Possible causes of baby crying
Cry tactics
Japan Crying Children Festival

Parents and respond to crying, respectively. Some allow the child to "shout", others they run up to him at the first whimper, carry him in their arms for several hours and rock him until morning - so long as the precious child does not cry. And everyone is sure that they are right.

But scientists have not yet managed to come to a single point of view.

For example, a team of Australian researchers from the Research Institute for Childhood in Murdoch and the Royal Children's Hospital in Melbourne claims that tears do no harm. On the contrary, they alleviate the emotional state and calm nerves. For several years, scientists have observed 225 women with small children. It turned out that children who mothers were allowed to cry a little before going to bed, slept better and woke up less often.

But British researchers found that prolonged crying leads to increased production of the stress hormone cortisol. And this can harm the development of the child's brain. In their opinion, leaving a crying child one on one with your tears is impossible.

Doctors used to say this: a child can cry, but should not be tired from crying, - explains pediatrician Irina GANINA. - Long inconsolable sobs are not good for the child: this negatively affects the psyche. But the other extreme is when parents are ready for anything, as long as the baby does not cry - it is also harmful: the heir can grow up to be an egoist"

Reasonable approach

First you need to understand why the baby is crying. The tears of children under one year old are always a signal of some trouble, asking for help. The baby wants to eat, drink, he is hot (cold), wet, uncomfortable, painful ... For example, he may be tormented by teeth or colic in the stomach. Therefore, the tears of babies cannot be ignored. Need do everything to help them. By the way, children under one year old cry an average of 65 times a month. And this fine.

But as the child grows older, it is able to cry not only out of "necessity", but also because that he really wants something. For example, the same red spatula as the girl in the sandbox. And tears are often demonstrative, designed for "their" viewer. Say daddy baby can claim "I'm not crying for you," but for a grandmother or mother to arrange a demonstration performance. They have something your heart will surely tremble!

That is, crying often becomes an instrument of pressure. And children enjoy using it. Yes, even are experimenting. For example, if the normal, "average" roar does not work, the baby may approach this matter creatively - throw a tantrum in front of dozens of people. If parents rush console him, he will continue to use this technique more than once. Although, of course, the "honest" reasons for crying - I broke my knee, got scared, tired, overexcited - they also remain. Therefore, parents, again, you need to understand the reason for crying. And based on this, act.

What to do with the roar?

You can distract the baby, turn everything into a joke, hug and say something positive ("Nothing, pass!"). In a word, to show him sympathy and support, but at the same time show that you can react to troubles without tears.
You can't get angry, swear, lament: "Let me pity you, poor thing, pricked your finger!". This will intensify the sobs. You also can't succumb to provocations. If a child throws a tantrum in a store, demanding to buy a toy, calmly, ignoring tears, say that you have no money. Did you cry even harder? Take him by the hand and take him outside. When he stops crying (and he stops, because tears did not bring results), explain that it is not always possible to get what you want. Especially with the help tears.

It's funny that in Japan every year there is a festival of crying children - Naki sumo. During the festival two sumo wrestlers take a small child in their arms and stand opposite each other. And then it starts battle... children. Sumo wrestlers bring them to tears in every possible way: they make scary faces, make frightening sounds.