How to tell your child is autistic
Signs of autism in children
Autism in young children
Signs of autism in young children include:
- not responding to their name
- avoiding eye contact
- not smiling when you smile at them
- getting very upset if they do not like a certain taste, smell or sound
- repetitive movements, such as flapping their hands, flicking their fingers or rocking their body
- not talking as much as other children
- not doing as much pretend play
- repeating the same phrases
Autism in older children
Signs of autism in older children include:
- not seeming to understand what others are thinking or feeling
- unusual speech, such as repeating phrases and talking ‘at’ others
- liking a strict daily routine and getting very upset if it changes
- having a very keen interest in certain subjects or activities
- getting very upset if you ask them to do something
- finding it hard to make friends or preferring to be on their own
- taking things very literally – for example, they may not understand phrases like "break a leg"
- finding it hard to say how they feel
Autism in girls and boys
Autism can sometimes be different in girls and boys.
Autistic girls may:
- hide some signs of autism by copying how other children behave and play
- withdraw in situations they find difficult
- appear to cope better with social situations
- show fewer signs of repetitive behaviours
This means autism can be harder to spot in girls.
The National Autistic Society has more information about autistic women and girls.
Non-urgent advice: Get advice if:
- you think your child might be autistic
You could speak to:
- a GP
- a health visitor (for children under 5)
- any other health professional your child sees, such as another doctor or therapist
- special educational needs (SENCO) staff at your child's school
Getting diagnosed can help your child get any extra support they might need.
Find out how to get diagnosed
Page last reviewed: 11 November 2022
Next review due: 11 November 2025
Learn the Signs of Autism
One of the most important things you can do as a parent or caregiver is to learn the early signs of autism and become familiar with the typical developmental milestones that your child should be reaching.
The autism diagnosis age and intensity of autism’s early signs vary widely. Some infants show hints in their first months. In others, behaviors become obvious as late as age 2 or 3.
Not all children with autism show all the signs. Many children who don’t have autism show a few. That’s why professional evaluation is crucial.
The following may indicate your child is at risk for an autism spectrum disorder. If your child exhibits any of the following, ask your pediatrician or family doctor for an evaluation right away:
By 6 months
- Few or no big smiles or other warm, joyful and engaging expressions
- Limited or no eye contact
By 9 months
- Little or no back-and-forth sharing of sounds, smiles or other facial expressions
By 12 months
- Little or no babbling
- Little or no back-and-forth gestures such as pointing, showing, reaching or waving
- Little or no response to name
By 16 months
- Very few or no words
By 24 months
- Very few or no meaningful, two-word phrases (not including imitating or repeating)
At any age
- Loss of previously acquired speech, babbling or social skills
- Avoidance of eye contact
- Persistent preference for solitude
- Difficulty understanding other people’s feelings
- Delayed language development
- Persistent repetition of words or phrases (echolalia)
- Resistance to minor changes in routine or surroundings
- Restricted interests
- Repetitive behaviors (flapping, rocking, spinning, etc.
) - Unusual and intense reactions to sounds, smells, tastes, textures, lights and/or colors
If you have concerns, get your child screened and contact your healthcare provider
The M-CHAT (Modified Checklist for Autism in Toddlers ™) can help you determine if a professional should evaluate your child. This simple online autism screen, available on our website, takes only a few minutes. If the answers suggest your child has a high probability for autism, please consult with your child’s doctor. Likewise, if you have any other concerns about your child's development, don't wait. Speak to your doctor now about screening your child for autism.
Resources
A diagnosis of autism is an important turning point in a long journey to understand your child's world. Autism Speaks has many resources for families whose children have recently received a diagnosis.
These include Autism Speaks First Concern to Action Tool Kit and First Concern to Action Roadmap.
Signs of autism in adults and teens
Do you suspect that your feelings and behaviors involve autism? Many people who have milder forms of autism go undiagnosed until adulthood. Find out more in our guide: "Is it Autism and If So, What Next?"
Please visit Treatment of Autism and our Autism Speaks Directory for more information. Have more questions? Autism Speaks' Autism Response Team can help you with information, resources and opportunities. Call us at 888-288-4762 (en Español 888-772-9050) or email [email protected].
Recent research confirms that appropriate screening can determine whether a child is at risk for autism as young as one year. While every child develops differently, we also know that early treatment improves outcomes, often dramatically. Studies show, for example, that early intensive behavioral intervention improves learning, communication and social skills in young children with autism spectrum disorders (ASD).
How to discuss a child's diagnosis with relatives and friends?
07/24/14
Journalist, disability rights activist and mother of an adult son with autism on how to talk about her child's best interests with family members
Author: Liane Kupferberg Carter
Source:
Autism Speaks
If your child is older and/or understands his diagnosis, then it is essential that you take into account his opinion and seek his permission before disclosing his diagnosis to anyone, this also applies to all his features related to diagnosis. nine0003
Things to consider when deciding whether to disclose a diagnosis:
— How often do you see this family member? Is it someone you meet daily or often, or do you see each other very rarely? What are your relationships? How does this family member feel about the child?
- If you give a diagnosis, how much will you tell? What kind of participation in the fate of the child would you like, expect?
- What kind of reactions do you expect? Acceptance? Ignorance? Discomfort? Distrust? How can you deal with such reactions? Be prepared to try to give "helpful advice", some of which may be painful to you.
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When giving a child's diagnosis, be calm and speak clearly. You might say, “Joey doesn't act like this because he's spoiled or disobedient. He doesn't play around. He behaves this way because he has autism. His brain structure is different. Autism makes it difficult for him to speak and understand other people, so he sometimes needs activities that are not typical for children of his age.
Maintain a positive tone. Emphasize: “People are different, Joey has strengths and challenges just like everyone else. He learns differently than other children, but he is smart and he does a lot of things well.” For example, you can say:
"Joey doesn't talk much, but he has a good sense of humor."
- "It's hard for him to keep up a conversation, but he is very good with computers."
- "He has difficulty playing board games, but he draws well."
- "He has a hard time at parties and it's hard for him when everyone around him starts singing on his birthday, but he really likes to sit at the table and eat cake with everyone.
"
Sometimes the news of a child's diagnosis makes people uncomfortable, and they try to make up for the news by expressing opinions or feelings that you don't want to hear. Some family members may refuse to acknowledge that your child has special needs. Or they may blame your upbringing for making the child "naughty", "stubborn" or "bully". Other well-intentioned people may start pushing you with the "remedy" they read about somewhere, or make you feel guilty if you didn't follow their advice. Some family members may even exclude you or your child from family gatherings for "your own good." nine0003
Any of these reactions can cause pain. Try to remember that, by and large, such behavior is due to ignorance. The best remedy for such an attitude is a maximum of objective information.
You are an expert on your child. The more you inform relatives about your child, the better they will understand him and his needs. Share articles, books, and videos with them. Talk about your child's recent successes and achievements.
Offer specific examples of what your child would enjoy and how best to communicate with them. And most importantly, make sure you yourself demonstrate sensitivity, respect, and unconditional love for your child. Relatives will start imitating you. nine0003
Attending family events with a child
Parents of a child with autism need support and understanding, but it can be difficult for them to ask for something like that. You may feel that your requests are annoying and uncomfortable for other people, but in reality, when you are open about your needs, it only makes things easier for everyone. For example, people with autism often have sensory processing issues that can make it difficult or even impossible for them to attend family gatherings. Holidays with a lot of people can be especially difficult for them. nine0003
People with autism may find it difficult to sit at a table for long periods of time or be quiet during a religious ceremony, they may not enjoy being around strangers, they may react very negatively to new foods, or they may find it difficult to tolerate a change in habits.
schedule of the day.
You may be sensitive to other people's reactions to your child and try to shield him from them. When you know that your child will not be able to meet certain expectations from his behavior, this cannot but be alarming. However, there are many specific ways in which you can protect his interests and prevent a nervous breakdown, as well as provide comfort for you, your child and those close to you:
- Prepare for the event in advance. Politely but firmly explain to relatives that your child may not tolerate changes in the schedule, or he may find it difficult to tolerate noise, unfamiliar food, party clothes, crowds, strangers. Be clear about what your child can or cannot tolerate. For example, warn that your child does not like to be hugged or kissed, but will be happy to "high five" or shake hands.
— If your child has a food allergy, sensitivity, or sensory issue, share information about your child's dietary needs/restrictions in advance.
Say that you can bring with you something that he will definitely eat. If you are afraid that this will offend the hostess of the house, assure that this has nothing to do with her culinary abilities. nine0003
— Seizures are just as common among people on the autism spectrum as eating problems (the latest estimate is about 30%). If there are specific factors that could trigger a seizure in your child (a flashing light or a loud TV sound, for example), then actively approach this issue. Warn hosts in advance and provide basic protocol on how to respond to a seizure.
- If there are other children at the event, offer their parents ready-made, age-appropriate information to explain to the children what autism is before the family gathering. nine0003
- Ask for a quiet room or space where your child can rest when he needs to get away from the hustle and bustle.
- Explain to the child what he can expect during a family gathering. Explain the sequence of events, make a visual schedule for it for this day, be sure to indicate in it when you will need to leave the house.
Give him advance warning of upcoming changes, such as washing your hands before dinner in 5 minutes, and when he finishes the cartoon, you leave. Give your child maximum control over the situation. nine0003
- Plan an early check-in so that the child can gradually get used to the new environment before the crowds crowd here.
- Be sure to bring something that will help your child feel more comfortable - favorite videos, books, photos, toys, noise canceling headphones, electronic games, a tablet, communication devices, and so on.
The Smith family is going to visit relatives for the holiday this year. This worries Kate, as she usually hosts guests on holidays herself, and this allows her to control the situation. Before the trip, she calls her cousin and explains that her daughter Sarah does not tolerate crowds and noisy environments. No one should be offended if Sara suddenly gets up and wants to leave. She just needs to calm down and wait for the turmoil around her to subside.
Kate also explains to Sarah that the party can be quite loud, and that if she gets uncomfortable, she should just apologize and leave the room. Sarah will have an iPad with her, which will help her communicate and make it easier to visit. nine0074
Teach a child with autism to explain their abilities
Some people with autism can verbally communicate their goals and desires, while others have difficulty with communication skills. As your loved one with autism matures, they will need to learn how to assess their own problems, talk about them and ask for what they need, know their rights and negotiate. These skills include being able to talk about your diagnosis. If his cognitive abilities allow you to understand this, talk to him about autism. The more comfortable and open you talk about his diagnosis, the more comfortable the child will be. Do not downplay his difficulties, but focus on his strengths and reassure the child that the whole family loves and supports him. nine0003
The skills you need to advocate for your child are also needed for your child to advocate for their own interests.
He needs to communicate his own needs and desires, ranging from simple things like saying he's hungry or in pain to complex life situations that require advanced skills, like asking a noisy neighbor to be quiet. It is useful to teach the child how to behave in such situations, playing different role-playing scenarios with him. nine0003
You can ask the child: “What will you do if your friend turns on the radio too loudly?” Teach him to identify the desired outcome and possible solutions, and help him formulate appropriate phrases: “I am very sensitive to noise and your music hurts me, could you turn off the radio?” Your goal is to equip your child with the skills to one day be able to speak independently about their needs in public places, the workplace, or institutions.
Teaching your child how to protect their interests is just as important as advocating for them. It's never too early to start learning these skills. You may find it helpful to talk to adults with autism to learn more about advocacy.
Read their blogs, follow their Facebook pages for their important and unique points of view. If your child's cognitive abilities allow it, then he needs to learn how to talk about his autism and understand how and when to communicate his diagnosis to other people. Help him identify times and situations in life when these skills can be used. The better a child can express their needs and communicate them to others, the better they will be at advocating for themselves, coping with sensory problems and anxiety, and living in a world outside of their family. nine0003
Learning these skills takes a lifetime, and it is best if everyone in the child's environment works to develop independence, advocacy and negotiation skills. Parents and other loved ones are best suited for such training. Model advocacy in his presence and you will help your child find his own voice. The skills you teach him today will help him become stronger and more independent throughout his life.
Chris was invited to spend the weekend with his friend's family.
For the first time, Chris was going to spend two days without his family in a completely new environment. Before letting him go, Bob sat down with him and discussed possible strategies for dealing with the situation if Chris felt uncomfortable. For example, if everyone goes to a restaurant and they don't serve him what he ordered, then Chris would have to say to the waiter, "I'm sorry, but I didn't order that hamburger." Bob explains to Chris that such simple phrases are enough to communicate his needs, and he should not be shy to speak. Learning these skills helps Chris feel more comfortable in situations where he is away from his family and has to be more independent. nine0074
We hope you found this material useful or interesting. You can support people with autism in Russia and contribute to the work of the Foundation by clicking on the "Help" button.
Parenting, Discrimination and Rights
How to support the parents of a child with autism?
09/28/13
Ten ways to help a family with a child with autism
Author: Kimberly Grosso
Translation: Tatyana Skripko
Source: Psychology Today
children.
And what often happens is what we least expect at this moment - relationships with friends, relatives and neighbors change. Someone will provide support, help to the best of their ability and hug our child, regardless of the diagnosis. But there will also be someone who will quietly stand aside, or even stop communicating. nine0003
What happens when you find out that a friend, relative or neighbor's child has been diagnosed with autism? How can you help the child and his parents? There are many ways to help your loved ones, from words of encouragement to organizing games with other children. Here are ten ways to help a family raising a child with autism:
1. Just being there
Sounds simple enough, but parents of a child with autism need someone nearby to ask “how are you?” and who occasionally asks same. You are not an expert and may not know all the terms related to autism, but be prepared for parents to want to talk about their child. nine0003
It often happens that a diagnosis of autism pushes us and our children into isolation.
It’s not that we ourselves want to isolate ourselves, it’s just that we are often so busy treating and rehabilitating a child that we simply don’t have time for anything else. Offering to stop by for a coffee or meet up and just talk is one of the best ways to help your friend get out of the autism dome and through isolation.
2. Talk about autism. How?
To speak or not to speak? That is the question. The answer to it is: "Depending on the situation." Most parents whose children have autism spectrum disorders are very fond of talking about autism. However, some parents do not want to disclose the diagnosis, talk about autism and how it manifests itself in their child. Some parents may be at the stage of denying the diagnosis and do not even want to hear this word, and discuss this topic even more so. nine0003
So what can you do as a friend? If your friend brings up the topic of autism himself, ask how the child is doing. Even if your friend does not pronounce this word with an "A", he will appreciate your sincere interest, while autism will not be mentioned.
If your friend is open about the diagnosis, you should certainly show interest in both the child and the topic of autism. After all, we, the parents of children with autism, never take the development of our child for granted, and we are proud of any, even the smallest achievement. Moments of communication with friends become especially valuable for us when we understand that friends are worried about our child. nine0003
3. What does a child with autism look like?
This question seems strange. But I remember moments when someone saw my son and said something like: “You can’t tell that he has autism” or “You can’t tell that he has autism.” Interestingly, autism does not imply any outward signs. Yes, some children may have specific behaviors or communication skills, but all children are very different. Therefore, if someone tells me that they have experience working with autistic children, I understand that this does not guarantee that person's ability to understand and approach my child.
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If you know, observe, or teach another child with autism, it is best not to make comparisons with the child you just met. I would also advise against commenting on what you think a child with autism should look like. Sure, it's good that you're looking to learn the signs of autism, but the best approach is to find the key to each child's personality.
It is difficult to explain how this happens and why autism manifests itself differently in each child. But when your autistic child has 10 friends with Asperger's, it becomes obvious that each of them is unique in their talents and interests. nine0003
4. Prognosis
If you asked me when Tyler was diagnosed at 2 years old, what would happen to him at 12 years old, I could not answer you anything ... and the doctors could not. I have been asked many times, “What is the prognosis? Maybe he will outgrow the autism? Will he go to college? In fact, in most cases we do not know what the prognosis is, and for us this is a very sensitive topic. After all, we do not know what will happen next. The future is the unknown, and it can be scary.
Unlike parents of neurotypical children who make plans for college or vocational education, we often do not know what educational, social and behavioral level our children will be when they grow up. Can we plan for the future? Yes, but we take into account unknown variables. In the future, our child may go to college, continue his education, or maybe not. We are often not even sure if our child will be independent enough to live on his own. We hope for independence, but the reality of the future may be a shared home. Or our child will live with us until the end of our days. nine0003
Many of us worry about what will happen to our child if something happens to us. And this is also a difficult topic. Therefore, if your friend himself spoke about the forecast for the future, discuss it with him. But keep in mind that some parents are not ready to discuss this issue.
5. Information
Recently, stories related to autism have been appearing in the news more and more often. As a parent of a child with autism, I am very grateful to friends and family when they find some information about autism and send it to me. If your friend is ready to openly discuss autism, send him the information you get, and he will appreciate this show of your concern. If our child is diagnosed with autism, this does not mean that we know all the latest news from this area. nine0003
My only caveat on this issue is that parents may have different views on the treatment or causes of autism. As a result, parents sometimes overreact to articles, studies, and so on. So I advise you to be careful. If your friend is positive about the new information, don't hesitate to share it, but don't be too pushy.
6. Playing with friends
I remember when my son was diagnosed with autism, my friends had kids the same age as Tyler. It was important for my son to be in the company of neurotypical children. However, some friends acted like autism was contagious and didn't want their kids to play with my son.
I remember the husband of a good friend of mine expressed dissatisfaction with my son and his autism. After that, I never invited them with the children, because I felt that my friend's husband did not want my son to play with them. I was faced with a harsh reality - while some people accept our children, others clearly do not. nine0003
What can you do? If you have a friend who is raising a child with autism, invite her and the children over so the children can play together. Will it be a regular meeting where children play together? Maybe yes, maybe not. It depends on the children themselves. Even if normal cooperative play does not occur, such an encounter will provide an opportunity for a child with autism to learn social behaviors and skills from other children. For some neurotypical children, such an encounter can be a lesson in acceptance and tolerance for people who are different from others. The easiest way to learn acceptance is through practice. So for a neurotypical child, there is a benefit in this.
For both families, this can be a good experience. nine0003
7. Playing with neighborhood kids
When it comes to autism, being a good neighbor means more than keeping the yard clean or borrowing a cup of sugar. If you and your neighbors have children of the same age, invite them over so that the children can play together. It is better to invite the child along with the parent to find out how autism is expressed in this particular child, and how you can help to establish a joint game of children.
It is important to note that many children with autism are unable to make and maintain friendships, carry on conversations and engage in group activities. This means that you will most likely need your help to build friendships and communication between your child and a child with autism. In addition, many of our children function better in a structured environment. If you organize the meeting well, develop a specific plan of action, this will help both children have a good time. nine0003
8. Opportunity to rest
Regardless of the age of a child with autism, it is difficult for parents to find an opportunity to rest. Many parents of children with disabilities are completely absorbed in their daily responsibilities. Some children with autism spectrum disorders do not sleep well at night, which further drains the strength of the parents.
However, when you have a child with special needs, it can be difficult to find someone you can trust to take care of him. For example, I easily found a teenage girl in the neighborhood who looked after my 4-year-old neurotypical daughter. But when my son with autism was at this age, it was absolutely impossible to leave him under the care of an unprepared young girl. At that time, my son spoke only a few words and had many behavioral characteristics, so I could only entrust him to my parents or another adult. nine0003
What does this mean if you are a friend or relative? The offer of a short break while a trusted friend or relative who knows how to properly interact with the child sits with the child will be greeted with enthusiasm.
Whether it be one hour or one evening, any offer will be an invaluable gift for your friend. It seems to be a simple courtesy, but for exhausted parents, a few hours to go shopping or just spend time together is a luxury.
9. Do not judge
A disapproving look in a store, a remark from a relative that “it is necessary to raise a child better” - most parents of children with autism become an object of condemnation in one way or another. Just imagine: we live like in an aquarium - countless speech therapists and therapists at home, endless visits to doctors. Therefore, often the "advice" of people who do not have a child with autism can make us lose patience. Even if you are confident in the constructiveness of your criticism, keep in mind that such statements can easily destroy your relationship with a friend. nine0003
Until you're in our shoes, you'll never understand what it's like to raise a child with autism. Most people instinctively know not to judge, but it still happens.
And once that happens, the damage can be irreparable.
10. Privacy
Some parents, like me, are open about their child's diagnosis. Others do not want to discuss it with anyone, except perhaps close friends and relatives. And at the opposite end of the acceptance scale are parents who may deny the diagnosis and won't discuss it with anyone. nine0003
But whether or not we talk about our children and autism, we expect confidentiality to be respected. Being frank with friends and relatives does not mean that we want them to tell others about our children and our other activities. Confidentiality is especially important for parents who choose not to disclose their child's diagnosis. It would seem that common sense suggests that you should not gossip about other people's children, but it is not superfluous to recall that if we tell you about something, please do not tell anyone about it without our permission. nine0003
Conclusions
You will probably meet many people and families with autism in your lifetime.
