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How to handle a child with anxiety disorder


Anxiety Disorders (for Parents) - Nemours KidsHealth

What Are Anxiety Disorders?

Anxiety disorders cause extreme fear and worry, and changes in a child's behavior, sleep, eating, or mood.

What Are the Kinds of Anxiety Disorders?

Different anxiety disorders can affect kids and teens. They include:

  • generalized anxiety disorder
  • separation anxiety disorder
  • social anxiety disorder
  • panic disorder
  • selective mutism
  • specific phobias

Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). GAD causes kids to worry almost every day — and over lots of things. Kids with GAD worry over things that most kids worry about, like homework, tests, or making mistakes.

But with GAD, kids worry more, and more often, about these things. Kids with GAD also worry over things parents might not expect would cause worry. For example, they might worry about recess, lunchtime, birthday parties, playtime with friends, or riding the school bus. Kids with GAD may also worry about war, weather, or the future. Or about loved ones, safety, illness, or getting hurt.

Having GAD can make it hard for kids to focus in school. Because with GAD, there is almost always a worry on a kid's mind. GAD makes it hard for kids to relax and have fun, eat well, or fall asleep at night. They may miss many days of school because worry makes them feel sick, afraid, or tired.

Some kids with GAD keep worries to themselves. Others talk about their worries with a parent or teacher. They might ask over and over whether something they worry about will happen. But it's hard for them to feel OK, no matter what a parent says.  

Separation anxiety disorder (SAD). It's normal for babies and very young kids to feel anxious the first times they are apart from their parent. But soon they get used to being with a grandparent, babysitter, or teacher. And they start to feel at home at daycare or school.

But when kids don't outgrow the fear of being apart from a parent, it's called separation anxiety disorder. Even as they get older, kids with SAD feel very anxious about being away from their parent or away from home. They may miss many days of school. They may say they feel too sick or upset to go. They may cling to a parent, cry, or refuse to go to school, sleepovers, playdates, or other activities without their parent. At home, they may have trouble falling asleep or sleeping alone. They may avoid being in a room at home if their parent isn't close by.

Social phobia (social anxiety disorder). With social phobia, kids to feel too afraid of what others will think or say. They are always afraid they might do or say something embarrassing. They worry they might sound or look weird. They don't like to be the center of attention. They don't want others to notice them, so they might avoid raising their hand in class. If they get called on in class, they may freeze or panic and can't answer. With social phobia, a class presentation or a group activity with classmates can cause extreme fear.

Social phobia can cause kids and teens to avoid school or friends. They may feel sick or tired before or during school. They may complain of other body sensations that go with anxiety too. For example, they may feel their heart racing or feel short of breath. They may feel jumpy and feel they can't sit still. They may feel their face get hot or blush. They may feel shaky or lightheaded.

Panic disorder. These sudden anxiety attacks can cause overwhelming physicals symptoms, such as feeling shaky or jittery, trembling, a racing heart rate, and shortness of breath. Panic attacks can happen any time. They’re more common in teens than kids.

Selective mutism. This extreme form of social phobia causes kids to be so afraid they don't talk. Kids and teens who have it can talk. And they do talk at home or with their closest people. But they refuse to talk at all at school, with friends, or in other places where they have this fear.

Specific phobias. It's normal for young kids to feel scared of the dark, monsters, big animals, or loud noises like thunder or fireworks. Most of the time, when kids feel afraid, adults can help them feel safe and calm again. But a phobia is a more intense, more extreme, and longer lasting fear of a specific thing. With a phobia, a child dreads the thing they fear and tries to avoid it. If they are near what they fear, they feel terrified and are hard to comfort.

With a specific phobia, kids may have an extreme fear of things like animals, spiders, needles or shots, blood, throwing up, thunderstorms, people in costumes, or the dark. A phobia causes kids to avoid going places where they think they might see the thing they fear. For example, a kid with a phobia of dogs may not go to a friend's house, to a park, or to a party because dogs might be there.

What Are the Signs & Symptoms of Anxiety?

A parent or teacher may see signs that a child or teen is anxious. For example, a kid might cling, miss school, or cry. They might act scared or upset, or refuse to talk or do things. Kids and teens with anxiety also feel symptoms that others can't see. It can make them feel afraid, worried, or nervous.

It can affect their body too. They might feel shaky, jittery, or short of breath. They may feel "butterflies" in their stomach, a hot face, clammy hands, dry mouth, or a racing heart.

These symptoms of anxiety are the result of the "fight or flight" response. This is the body's normal response to danger. It triggers the release of natural chemicals in the body. These chemicals prepare us to deal with a real danger. They affect heart rate, breathing, muscles, nerves, and digestion. This response is meant to protect us from danger. But with anxiety disorders, the "fight or flight" response is overactive. It happens even when there is no real danger.

What Causes Anxiety Disorders?

Several things play a role in causing the overactive "fight or flight" that happens with anxiety disorders. They include:

Genetics. A child who has a family member with an anxiety disorder is more likely to have one too. Kids may inherit genes that make them prone to anxiety.

Brain chemistry. Genes help direct the way brain chemicals (called neurotransmitters) work. If specific brain chemicals are in short supply, or not working well, it can cause anxiety.

Life situations. Things that happen in a child's life can be stressful and difficult to cope with. Loss, serious illness, death of a loved one, violence, or abuse can lead some kids to become anxious.

Learned behaviors. Growing up in a family where others are fearful or anxious also can "teach" a child to be afraid too.

How Are Anxiety Disorders Diagnosed?

Anxiety disorders can be diagnosed by a trained therapist. They talk with you and your child, ask questions, and listen carefully. They'll ask how and when the child's anxiety and fears happen most. That helps them diagnose the specific anxiety disorder the child has.

A child or teen with symptoms of anxiety should also have a regular health checkup. This helps make sure no other health problem is causing the symptoms.

How Are Anxiety Disorders Treated?

Most often, anxiety disorders are treated with cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). This is a type of talk therapy that helps families, kids, and teens learn to manage worry, fear, and anxiety.

CBT teaches kids that what they think and do affects how they feel. In CBT, kids learn that when they avoid what they fear, the fear stays strong. They learn that when they face a fear, the fear gets weak and goes away.

In CBT:

  • Parents learn how to best respond when a child is anxious. They learn how to help kids face fears.
  • Kids learn coping skills so they can face fear and worry less.

The therapist helps kids practice, and gives support and praise as they try. Over time, kids learn to face fears and feel better. They learn to get used to situations they're afraid of. They feel proud of what they've learned. And without so many worries, they can focus on other things — like school, activities, and fun. Sometimes, medicines are also used to help treat anxiety.

How Can I Help My Child?

If your child has an anxiety disorder, here are some ways you can help: 

  • Find a trained therapist and take your child to all the therapy appointments.
  • Talk often with the therapist, and ask how you can best help your child.
  • Help your child face fears. Ask the therapist how you can help your child practice at home. Praise your child for efforts to cope with fears and worry.
  • Help kids talk about feelings. Listen, and let them know you understand, love, and accept them. A caring relationship with you helps your child build inner strengths.
  • Encourage your child to take small steps forward. Don't let your child give up or avoid what they're afraid of. Help them take small positive steps forward.
  • Be patient. It takes a while for therapy to work and for kids to feel better.

How to Cope With an Anxious Child

When children are chronically anxious, even the most well-meaning parents, not wanting a child to suffer, can actually make the youngster’s anxiety worse. It happens when parents try to protect kids from their fears. Here are pointers for helping children escape the cycle of anxiety.

1. The goal isn’t to eliminate anxiety, but to help a child manage it.

None of us wants to see a child unhappy, but the best way to help kids overcome anxiety isn’t to try to remove stressors that trigger it. It’s to help them learn to tolerate their anxiety and function as well as they can, even when they’re anxious. And as a byproduct of that, the anxiety will decrease over time.

2. Don’t avoid things just because they make a child anxious.

Helping children avoid the things they are afraid of will make them feel better in the short term, but it reinforces the anxiety over the long run. Let’s say a child in an uncomfortable situation gets upset and starts to cry — not to be manipulative, but just because that’s how they feel. If their parents whisk them out of there, or remove the thing they’re afraid of, the child has learned that coping mechanism. And that cycle has the potential to repeat itself.

3. Express positive — but realistic — expectations.

You can’t promise a child that their fears are unrealistic—that they won’t fail a test, that they’ll have fun ice skating, or that another child won’t laugh at them during show & tell. But you can express confidence that they’re going to be okay, that they will be able to manage it. And you can let them know that as they face those fears, the anxiety level will drop over time. This gives them confidence that your expectations are realistic, and that you’re not going to ask them to do something they can’t handle.

4. Respect their feelings, but don’t empower them.

It’s important to understand that validation doesn’t always mean agreement. So if a child is terrified about going to the doctor because they’re due for a shot, you don’t want to belittle those fears, but you also don’t want to amplify them. You want to listen and be empathetic, help them understand what they’re anxious about, and encourage them to feel that they can face their fears. The message you want to send is, “I know you’re scared, and that’s okay, and I’m here, and I’m going to help you get through this.”

5. Don’t ask leading questions.

Encourage your child to talk about their feelings, but try not to ask leading questions— “Are you anxious about the big test? Are you worried about the science fair?” To avoid feeding the cycle of anxiety, just ask open-ended questions: “How are you feeling about the science fair?”

What you don’t want to do is be saying, with your tone of voice or body language: “Maybe this is something that you should be afraid of.” Let’s say a child has had a negative experience with a dog. Next time they’re around a dog, you might be anxious about how they will respond, and you might unintentionally send a message that they should, indeed, be worried.

7. Encourage the child to tolerate their anxiety.

Let your child know that you appreciate the work it takes to tolerate anxiety in order to do what they want or need to do. It’s really encouraging them to engage in life and to let the anxiety take its natural curve. We call it the “habituation curve.” That means that it will drop over time as he continues to have contact with the stressor. It might not drop to zero, it might not drop as quickly as you would like, but that’s how we get over our fears.

8. Try to keep the anticipatory period short.

When we’re afraid of something, the hardest time is really before we do it. So another rule of thumb for parents is to really try to eliminate or reduce the anticipatory period. If a child is nervous about going to a doctor’s appointment, you don’t want to launch into a discussion about it two hours before you go; that’s likely to get your child more keyed up. So just try to shorten that period to a minimum.

9. Think things through with the child.

Sometimes it helps to talk through what would happen if a child’s fear came true—how would they handle it? A child who’s anxious about separating from their parents might worry about what would happen if a parent didn’t come to pick them up. So we talk about that. If your mom doesn’t come at the end of soccer practice, what would you do? “Well I would tell the coach my mom’s not here.” And what do you think the coach would do? “Well he would call my mom. Or he would wait with me.” A child who’s afraid that a stranger might be sent to pick them up can have a code word from their parents that anyone they sent would know. For some kids, having a plan can reduce the uncertainty in a healthy, effective way.

10. Try to model healthy ways of handling anxiety.

There are multiple ways you can help kids handle anxiety by letting them see how you cope with anxiety yourself. Kids are perceptive, and they’re going to take it in if you keep complaining on the phone to a friend that you can’t handle the stress or the anxiety. I’m not saying to pretend that you don’t have stress and anxiety, but let kids hear or see you managing it calmly, tolerating it, feeling good about getting through it.

Video Resources for Kids

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Children's anxiety. How to help an anxious child? | "Four-leaf clover"

Children's anxiety

Anxiety is commonly referred to as an increased tendency to experience apprehension and worry. In some situations, anxiety is justified and even useful: it mobilizes a person, allows you to avoid danger or solve a problem. This is the so-called situational anxiety. But sometimes anxiety accompanies a person in all life circumstances, even objectively favorable ones. That is, it becomes a stable personality trait. Such a person experiences constant unaccountable fear, an indefinite sense of threat. Any event is perceived as unfavorable and dangerous. nine0005

An anxious child is constantly depressed, on guard, it is difficult for him to establish contact with others, the world is perceived as frightening and hostile.

An anxious child is constantly depressed, on guard, it is difficult for him to establish contact with others, the world is perceived as frightening and hostile. Low self-esteem and a gloomy look at the future are constantly fixed. nine0006

Signs of anxiety:

  • The child cannot work for a long time without getting tired
  • He has difficulty concentrating on something
  • Any occupation causes unnecessary anxiety
  • During the performance of the task is very tense, constrained
  • Embarrassed more than others
  • Often talks about tense situations
  • Blushing in unfamiliar surroundings
  • Complains about having nightmares
  • His hands are usually cold and damp
  • He often has stool disorder
  • Sweats profusely when excited
  • Does not have a good appetite
  • Sleeps restlessly, falls asleep with difficulty
  • Shy, many things cause him fear
  • Usually restless, easily upset
  • Often unable to hold back tears
  • Does not tolerate waiting well
  • Doesn't like to take on new business
  • Unsure of yourself and your abilities
  • Afraid to face difficulties

Childhood anxiety at different ages

Preschool anxiety
It is often difficult for parents to understand why their child may be worried. Well, what problems can there be at his age: dressed, well-fed, the yard is full of friends, a lot of toys, loving relatives ?! nine0005 However, the presence of childhood anxiety problems signals that in the life of a small person, not everything is as smooth as it seems to adults. This condition should never be ignored. In addition, it doesn’t matter if you have a son or a daughter, at this age anxiety does not depend on the child’s gender.

Anxiety is inherent in a person, regardless of age. In children from 1 to 3 years of age, the most common fears are caused by sharp loud sounds, sudden pain, for example, during vaccinations, and as a result, a negative reaction to doctors. In the age range from 3 to 5 years, anxiety in preschoolers often manifests itself in the form of fears such as fear of the dark, closed space, and loneliness. At the age of 5 to 7 years, fear of death is often added. If you notice anxiety in your child, in no case should you let this problem go by itself. nine0006

In the age range from 3 to 5 years, anxiety in preschoolers often manifests itself in the form of such fears as fear of the dark, closed space, loneliness. At the age of 5 to 7 years, fear of death is often added.

School anxiety
The age from 7 to 11 years can become very difficult. At this time, the child's life changes, he becomes an adult, he is entrusted with the mission of studying well, behaving correctly, being better, diligent, smarter than his peers. nine0006

Usually, anxiety manifests itself 1.5 months after the start of the school year, it is in connection with this that schoolchildren need rest - holidays from 1 to 1.5 weeks.


Usually, anxiety manifests itself 1.5 months after the start of the school year, it is in connection with this that schoolchildren need rest - holidays from 1 to 1.5 weeks.

Sometimes anxiety is related to more serious problems. So, with the help of a professional psychologist at the Four-Leaf Clover Clinic of Restorative Psychology, a child can be diagnosed with a mental disorder, neurosis at an early stage. nine0006

Where does increased anxiety come from?

  1. If there is a constant anxious and suspicious atmosphere in the house. If the parents themselves are constantly afraid of something and worry about something. This condition is very contagious, the child adopts from adults an unhealthy form of reaction to everything, even to ordinary life events.
  2. If the child lacks information (or uses incorrect information). Try to keep track of what he reads, what programs he watches, what emotions he experiences. It is sometimes difficult for adults to understand how children interpret this or that event. nine0005
  3. Anxious children can grow up not only with anxious parents. The authoritarian style of parenting in the family also does not contribute to the inner peace of the child.

Parents who do not doubt and do not worry know exactly what and how to achieve in life. And most importantly - what they want to achieve from their child. Such a child must constantly live up to the high expectations of adults. He is in a situation of constant and intense expectation: he managed or failed to please his parents. It is especially difficult for a child if the demands and reactions of adults are unpredictable and inconsistent. nine0006

A child's internal conflict can be caused by:

  • Contradictory demands made by parents or parents and the school (kindergarten). For example, parents do not let their child go to school because they feel unwell, and the teacher puts a “deuce” in a journal and scolds him for skipping a lesson in the presence of other children.
  • Inadequate requirements, most often overstated. For example, parents repeatedly repeat to the child that he must certainly be an excellent student, they cannot come to terms with the fact that the child receives at school not only "five" and is not the best student in the class. nine0005
  • Negative demands that humiliate the child, put him in a dependent position. For example, a caregiver or teacher says to a child: “If you tell me who behaved badly in my absence, I won’t tell my mother that you got into a fight.”

Experts believe that in preschool and younger preschool age boys are more anxious, and after 12 years - girls. At the same time, girls are more worried about relationships with other people, and boys are more worried about violence and punishment. nine0005
Having committed some “unseemly” act, the girls worry that their mother or teacher will think badly of them, and their girlfriends will refuse to be friends with them. In the same situation, boys are likely to be afraid that they will be punished by adults or beaten by their peers.

How to help an anxious child?

  • Raise the child's self-esteem

To achieve success in this matter, it is necessary that an adult himself see the dignity of the child, treat him with respect (and not just with love) and be able to notice all his successes, even the smallest ones. nine0006

  • Teaching a child to manage their behavior

It is necessary to teach the ability to manage oneself in situations that cause the greatest anxiety in the child

  • Teach the child to relax

It is important for all children to be able to relax, but for anxious children it is simply a necessity, because the state of anxiety is accompanied by a clamping of different muscle groups.
It is very useful for such a child to attend group psycho-corrective classes - after consultation with a psychologist. The topic of childhood anxiety is well developed in psychology, and usually the effect of such activities is palpable. nine0006

Prevention of anxiety. Recommendations to parents.

  • Communicating with your child, do not undermine the authority of other significant people.

For example, you can’t say to a child: “Your teachers understand a lot, better listen to your grandmother!”.
Be consistent in your actions, do not forbid the child for no reason what was allowed before.

  • Consider children's abilities, do not demand from them what they cannot do. nine0025

If a child is given some kind of educational Subject with difficulty, it is better to once again help him and support him, and when even the slightest success is achieved, do not forget to praise him.

  • Trust your child, be honest with him and accept him for who he is.

If for some objective reasons it is difficult for a child to study, choose a circle for him to his liking so that classes in it bring joy to the child and he does not feel disadvantaged. nine0006

If parents are not satisfied with the behavior and success of their child, this is not a reason to deny him love and support. Let your child live in an atmosphere of warmth and trust, and then all his many talents will manifest.

If you have any questions on this topic, write or call us +7 (3822) 33–44–77.
Yours truly, Four Leaf Clover.

We wish you happiness and prosperity!

We recommend you specialists: Kupriyanova Irina Evgenievna, Zaichenko Tatyana Vladimirovna, Serykh Nadezhda Sergeevna, Glushko Tatyana Valerievna

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Anxious child. Learning to support the baby

01/24/2020

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Anxious child

In the first years of life, children are in a constant stream of unknown information. Every day, kids meet incomprehensible words, face new phenomena and people. And not everyone easily survives this stage, some children have increased anxiety. Let's look at how parents can help a child overcome fears and anxiety. nine0006

External manifestation of anxiety and anxiety in children

Increased anxiety has different manifestations: rapid heartbeat, shallow breathing, increased sweating, tension in the body, nausea. An anxious child may not let you go a single step, start stuttering, crying, falling into hysterics. He has problems with sleep, increased fatigue, health problems.

But anxiety is not always something negative. The feeling of fear motivates us or helps us avoid danger and conflict. But if increased anxiety interferes with normal life, then you should pay close attention to this problem. nine0006

Types of anxiety in children

Separation anxiety

The baby gets upset and very worried when mom or dad leaves. A grown up child refuses to go to kindergarten, to stay with his grandmother. Separation anxiety begins at 9 months of age and may worsen at 2-3 years of age.

Social anxiety in children

The child feels discomfort in the presence of a large number of people, is afraid of judgment, cannot stand noisy places. Social anxiety often arises from a misunderstanding of an object or event, as well as a lack of experience in the baby. nine0006

Anxiety-phobic disorder

Hidden, irrational fear of certain things or situations. For example, fear of thunderstorms, insects, closed spaces.

Causes of anxiety in a child

Two factors influence the development of increased anxiety in children: genetics and upbringing.

Education can either increase the innate predisposition to anxiety or compensate for it.

At the same time, there are children with increased sensitivity and emotionality, which is the environment for the development of anxiety. nine0006

If the mother herself is too exciting, too protective of the baby, then he will be subject to great feelings. Such a mother subconsciously cannot give the child the tools to cope with this world, to accept it in imperfection, with a certain danger. Because she can't deal with her anxiety on her own.

Therefore, the mother must first find ways to balance herself, and then the child will start copying them.

You can't just teach a child to calm down if you don't have it. nine0006

How to help

In a difficult situation for the baby, be close to him and create a supportive atmosphere:

  • Accept the child's emotion, tell him in a moment of anxiety: "I know you don't like this. " Support the baby - show that you understand how difficult it is for him and believe that he will cope with a difficult situation. At the same time, let him know that you are there and support him.
  • Focus the child's attention on the moment he has overcome. For example, he went into a room where there are a lot of people, agreed to an injection. Accepting a child's feelings does not mean that you will do everything possible to avoid a situation that is terrible for him. Your actions should be aimed at reducing his level of anxiety. nine0025
  • Speak fear. Discuss with your child what might happen if something he fears happens. For example, if your child is afraid to let you go in kindergarten, talk about it. If he is afraid of dogs, tell him how to behave if he is near an animal.
  • Give your child a choice. For example, if he is afraid to sleep in the dark, ask: "What will help you sleep more peacefully: a favorite toy, a nightlight, or an ajar door?" Or let your child come up with a solution. nine0025
  • From 3-4 years old, you can teach your baby to breathe during the appearance of anxiety or nervousness. Breathing exercises help to calm down quickly. Children quickly grasp this instrument. To reduce nervousness will help: washing with cold water, jumping, tension and relaxation of the muscles of the whole body.
  • Use the formula: "Find out - inspire to face a difficult situation - enlighten." It is important, together with the baby, to find a way out of a difficult situation for him and, where appropriate, teach him to react differently to it. For example, from the age of 4-5, some children are afraid that thieves can enter the house. If a child tells you about this fear, explain to him that the house is protected, there are locks on the doors, there is a camera and a concierge in the entrance. It is important for a child to know that adults protect him and create a safe space for him. It is important for children to hear that mom and dad are in control. nine0025
  • Show your child by example how you deal with negative emotions, fears and anxiety. Let the children see how you calmly experience such moments.

When you need the help of a psychologist

1. If a child has extreme communication difficulties, he cannot communicate with anyone.

2. The baby has difficulty with household tasks. For example, he is afraid to approach the window and will never enter a room with open windows. In this case, the situation is repeated in any place. nine0006

3. The child has panic attacks or some kind of phobia. In this case, the specialist will make an accurate diagnosis and prescribe treatment.

Do's and don'ts

Don't "inflate" emotions

If your child is afraid of dogs, accept that fact. But do not exaggerate the situation: you do not need, for example, to tell your grandmother that during a walk with a baby they bypass all the animals. Also, do not tell everyone that the child has this fear. You show your kid every time that being afraid of dogs is right. And he hardly wants to ever approach them. nine0006

Avoid prompts through questions if you don't understand what exactly your child is afraid of

Ask:

"What happened?"

"How do you feel?"

"What sounds did you hear?"

"What did you see?"

There is no need to tell him what he might be afraid of: “You were afraid of the dog, were you scared by a loud sound?”. This is how we deepen the fear.

Avoid long waits for "horror"

If you know a situation is unnerving your child, try to avoid long anticipation. If he does not like to take tests or visit a doctor, do not prepare him for this event in three days. nine0006

Do not lie

The child will easily understand that you are not telling the truth, will think that you do not know how to cope with fear.

Don't reset the situation by doing everything you can to prevent it.

For example, if your child doesn't like strangers or loud noises, and you make an effort to avoid this. So you deprive the child of the opportunity to develop mechanisms that will teach him to cope with high anxiety.

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