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The document was signed by the electronic signature of Kozlova Elena Vyacheslavovna

REMOMISE: Municipal Budgetary Educational Institution of the city of Rostov-on-Don “Kindergarten No. 244”

Date of creation: 13.07.2021

issued: Federal Treasury

Certificate period: 13.07.07.07.07.07.07 .2021 - 13.10.2022

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Difficult children. How to work with them?

Difficult children. How to work with them?

Berchatova Elvira Vladimirovna

Children - FIDGET

They are almost always excited, restless, inattentive, it is difficult for parents, educators and teachers to deal with them. “Violators of order and peace”, “uncontrollable” are the softest epithets that adults reward these children with. nine0005

“He never sits still, doesn't want to be quiet. He literally deigns me, as if he doesn’t hear that I ask him to calm down, it even seems to me that he does it on purpose to get me out, ”complains the mother of 6-year-old Denis. “Since he started walking, I've been on my guard all the time. He wants to do everything himself, but is not able to collect himself, is not able to fix his attention for more than a few minutes. It is difficult for him with peers, he is impatient, irritated, reacts very sharply to any refusal. His behavior creates problems everywhere - at home, in a group, and when meeting with friends, and while walking. At the same time, his mother emphasizes all the time that Denis himself learned to read at the age of 5, that he is interested in many things, he likes to speculate on various topics, but ... he is wayward and undisciplined. Denis's mother is sure that he "does not want" to obey the demands of adults and the main task is to "force" him to do everything "the right way." nine0005

Unfortunately, adults are not ready not only to understand the reasons for such a child's behavior and show patience, but also to take responsibility for his condition and behavior.

As a rule, "restlessness" manifests itself quite early - by the age of 2-3, but parents explain it by playfulness, liveliness of character, conditions of upbringing, etc. It becomes more difficult at the age of 5-6, when the child is faced with the need to comply with the daily routine, class schedule, and the requirements of the educational process in preparation for school. nine0005

Why do children become restless, how to detect violations in the child’s condition in time and how to respond to “stubbornness and self-will”, is it possible to teach a restless child to study, how to make work effective?

Often we ourselves provoke a child to "bad" behavior by irritation, impatience, demands that he cannot cope with. We must learn to be consistent and calm, firm but benevolent. It is important to understand that a child needs not only to be loved, but also to respect his personality. Any child, even the naughty Sami, has the right to count on our understanding and help. nine0005

Unfortunately, more than 70% of parents and 80% of teachers believe that a child should “be obedient”, should “be able to behave”, should be attentive, diligent, etc. Moreover, “obedience” (which is understood as unquestioning obedience to the requirements of adults) is considered by parents to be perhaps the most important virtue of a child. A quiet, inactive, sitting for hours with his toys, the child does not interfere and, as a rule, does not cause alarm, despite the fact that he probably has a lot of problems. But noisy, restless, talking a lot, constantly demanding attention is tiring, often annoying adults. nine0005

It is especially difficult for these children in a team, with a clearly organized regime and a system of fairly strict requirements. As a rule, these are the so-called "non-Sadovskie children."

Today, a huge number of children have a complex of manifestations of behavioral disorders: inattention, distractibility, hyperactivity, impulsivity. The presence of these signs indicates a specific mental health disorder - attention deficit disorder (ADD), or hyperkinetic syndrome of childhood. nine0005

Attention Deficit Disorder is defined as a disease in the latest medical classification. This means that the child wants, but cannot change his behavior at the request of adults. A special tactic is needed to work with such a child, and sometimes treatment.

ADD is perhaps the most common form of conduct disorder. Children with ADD are about 15-20%, and the syndrome is 3-5 times more common in boys. So far, the causes of ADD cannot be considered clear and well studied. Researchers are considering various causes of its occurrence - from genetic to neuroanatomical and even nutritional factors. nine0005

Main symptoms of ADD:

• attention disorder,
• hyperactivity,
• impulsivity.

Changes in behavior, of course, sometimes happen to every child, for example, after an illness, there may be a violation of attention, a strong functional stress ends in an emotional outburst, an unexpected, inadequate reaction, which is taken by adults for impulsiveness. Fatigue at the initial stages, as a rule, is associated with motor restlessness, restlessness, etc. However, these are temporary (situational) manifestations of behavioral disorders. In children with ADD, these manifestations are constant. nine0005

Attention is one of the most important mental functions that ensure the activity and learning of the child. It manifests itself as a general readiness for activity, as well as a special (selective) readiness for certain types of activity.

At the early preschool age, selective attention has not yet been formed, but at 3-4 years old the child already reacts not only to novelty, but also to diversity. Something very interesting, a new child involuntarily pays attention - he seems to freeze, his gaze is fixed on the “new”, his mouth is half open. For children with ADD, this reaction is not typical. nine0005

Older preschoolers - children 5-6 years old - have fairly well-developed voluntary attention (focus on a particular object, subject, task). However, in children with ADD, the processes of organizing attention are disturbed. These violations are not very noticeable at a younger preschool age, but already in the systematic classes in preparation for school, they appear immediately.

The inability to concentrate is the cause of difficulties in completing tasks in school. Children with ADD are able to maintain attention for only a few minutes. At the same time, during their favorite activities and games that they manage to successfully cope with, they can keep their attention and do what they love for quite a long time. This is what adults point to when they say: "Maybe when he wants." Maybe, but not only because he wants to, but because the activity allows you to feel pleasure, to achieve success. It should be noted that attention is based precisely on the principle of pleasure, satisfaction. This principle is an important factor in the organization of the mental activity of the child, it has a stimulating effect. nine0005

Problem

What needs to be done

Option 1 (there can be several options) Option 2

Result

Success failure

(Determine the

success criteria) Causes of

9000 9000

New solutions

Communication tactics with a fidget

It is important to understand that the style and tactics of our communication are laid down in early childhood. The child experiences the means of our influence (positive and negative), our reaction, our endurance. And if we try to change the situation by shouting, threatening, punishing, then by doing so we create the basis for future problems.

Adults want to lead the child (or find it necessary to do so). But to lead does not mean to force, to command, to demand unquestioning obedience. The child should have a desire to be led. He must trust us, and reproaches and threats do not contribute to this at all. nine0005

Effective communication depends not only on our desire to achieve certain results, but also on how we do it. And here everything matters - tone, intonation, look, gestures.

How to talk to a restless child?

1. Unacceptable (even in critical situations) rudeness, humiliation, anger. Expressions like “I can’t stand it”, “you exhausted me”, “I don’t have the strength”, “I’m tired of you”, repeated several times a day (not to mention the more rude ones), are meaningless. The child simply ceases to hear them. nine0005

2. Do not talk to the child in between, irritably, showing with all your appearance that he is distracting you from more important matters than communicating with him. Apologize if you can't distract yourself, and be sure to talk to him later.

3. If there is an opportunity to be distracted even for a few minutes, put aside everything, let the child feel your attention and interest.

4. During a conversation, remember that tone, facial expressions, gestures are important, the child reacts to them more than words. They should not show discontent, irritation, impatience. nine0005

5. When talking to your child, ask questions that require long answers.

6. Encourage the child during the conversation, show that you are interested and that what he is talking about is important.

7. Don't ignore your child's requests. If the request cannot be fulfilled for some reason, do not remain silent, do not limit yourself to a short “no”, explain why you cannot fulfill it. Don't put conditions on the request, such as "If you do this, I'll do that." You can put yourself in an awkward situation. nine0005

What to do in a false situation?

1. Learn not to attach excessive importance to misconduct, to remain calm (not to be confused with ostentatious calm, when an adult makes it clear with all his appearance: “come on, come on, I don’t care, these are your problems”). This does not mean that you should always follow the child's lead, not notice his misdeeds, indulge him, not control his actions and not make any demands on him. On the contrary, clear requirements are needed (within the limits of the child's capabilities), which do not change depending on the situation and the mood of adults. Demandingness + calmness and goodwill are needed. The child must be aware that the demand is not a whim of an adult, but a refusal is not a demonstration of hostility, not a punishment for a misconduct, or simply your inattention to his request. nine0005

2. Never punish if the offense is committed for the first time, by accident or due to adult error.

3. Do not equate a misdemeanor (violation of conduct) with a child. The tactics “you behave badly - you are bad” is vicious, it closes the way out of the situation for the child, reduces self-esteem, creates a situation of fear. Apparently, this is why naughty children so often ask their parents: “Do you love me?”

4. Be sure to explain what the offense is and why it is impossible to behave in this way. However, if the mother almost breaks into a scream, and the father is always ready to slap, it is hardly possible to explain to the child that screaming and fighting is not good. nine0005

5. Do not slander about misconduct, remind (for prevention), shame in front of other adults and peers. It humiliates, gives rise to resentment and pain. The child may, without realizing it, respond in kind. You should not be surprised in these cases by the childish “I hate” or “I don’t love you”, “you are evil”.

6. You should not set as an example to a "naughty" child "good" brothers and sisters, peers, reproaching "there are normal children who do not torment their parents." Parents who easily lose their temper, do not know how to control themselves, and therefore do not know how to behave, are not a good example for children. nine0005

Which method is more effective - praise or punishment?

Practice shows that parents (and not only restless children) are very stingy with approval and praise. When asked if your parents often praise you, the children answer with a long silence, and it turns out that they rarely praise you, only for a real result (a good grade, help around the house - “put out a bucket”, but never for effort, attempt. Effort, work is not received approval if there is no result that satisfies the parents. you appreciate his efforts. It is very easy to pay attention only to problems, but it is not easy to see the emerging improvement. But without the support of an adult, the child will not notice him either. “I am sure that you will succeed”, “I will help you, and you will definitely do it .. .", "That's right", "Well done, you make me happy." These approval formulas are standard and everyone can use their own. Approval, support and praise stimulate the child, increase motivation.

Harsh treatment (remarks, reproaches, threats, punishments) can increase efficiency for a short time, but in most children it causes resentment, anxiety, and increases the fear of failure. Moreover, this anxiety and fear of parental anger provoke new offenses, although the fear of censure and punishment often creates the illusion of a positive change in the situation. Compliance and obedience are often achieved at the expense of accumulated bitterness, negative emotions and disruption of relationships. The threat is based on the assumption that fear may be a sufficient motive to achieve some result (and indeed, there may be a short-term effect), but the feeling of resentment (especially perceived as undeserved resentment) usually backfires. nine0005

Therefore, it is recommended to praise the child more often than to condemn him, to encourage, rather than notice failures, to inspire hope, and not emphasize that changing the situation is impossible. In order for a child to believe in his success, in the possibility of overcoming problems, adults must believe in this.

Do we need an obedient child?

It would seem a strange question about restless, restless, inattentive children. Surveys show that teachers and parents identify obedience, discipline and diligence as the most desirable qualities for a child. While talking about the problems of inattentive fidgets (which many adults consider naughty) and how to help such children, we nevertheless tried not to talk about obedience. Obedience is not a quality that should be elevated to the rank of the main dignity of a child. nine0005

Undoubtedly, it is easier for adults with an obedient child. Firstly, because adults are busy and, naturally, want the child not to interfere, to be comfortable. Secondly, because adults are impatient and set to realize their pedagogical claims on the principle of "immediately and now", without much effort, on the command "said - done." Thirdly, no matter what we say about the child's right to respect, attention, understanding, adults do not put the child's problems at the forefront, but their desires and requirements. nine0005

Very indicative and typical are the requests of parents who come with "problem" children for a consultation: "Help to cope with the child...", "How to force...", "How to change behavior?". At the same time, the child must always change, and very rarely adults are ready to change their attitude towards him. Sometimes it is impossible to convince them that the baby cannot be the way they want to see him. Recommendations to change the attitude towards the child, “change anger to mercy”, try to be patient, condescending, benevolent, are perceived with even greater difficulty and resistance. Of course, all this requires a lot of work on oneself, but, unfortunately, it is impossible to influence the situation otherwise. nine0005

Let's think about what the fight against disobedience is aimed at. On the unquestioning submission of the child to the will of adults. Let us imagine a family where strictness, exactingness, and harsh treatment rule, where a restless, fussy, absent-minded child receives endless remarks and does not have any concessions. The result of such an attitude is a downtrodden, timid (even if sometimes aggressive), embittered, constantly holding back protest, a person who lives with a sense of failure and in an alarming anticipation of new failures. nine0005

Features of communication with "difficult" preschoolers

With all the variety of problems faced by educators, two groups of difficulties in communicating with adults can be distinguished, which are most typical for preschoolers. These are impulsivity (hyperactivity) and inhibition (passivity) of children. For all their opposites, these features equally complicate communication and need timely correction.

Let us give a brief description of these difficulties. nine0005

Impulsive children are extremely mobile and emotional. They are characterized by increased activity, fussiness, disorganization. They willingly accept any offers, join any game with interest, but very quickly lose interest and cool down. It is difficult for such children to follow the rules of the game, to sit in class, to do one thing for a long time. It is difficult for them to listen to an adult - they cannot listen to the explanation to the end, they are constantly distracted. Obviously, such children represent a serious problem in every group. They may talk loudly in class or simply leave if they are not too interested. nine0005

Striving for independent action (“I want it that way”) turns out to be a more significant and powerful motive than any rules. At the same time, such children may know the rules of behavior very well, but these rules do not yet act for them as a significant motive for their own actions. The intellectual level and creative activity of such children can be quite high, but in the situation of classes they are often distracted themselves and interfere with others. The main problem of these children is the underdevelopment of arbitrariness, the inability to restrain their immediate, situational desires. nine0005

Inhibited, passive children, on the contrary, are extremely calm and assiduous. They do not stand out in any way, do not violate discipline and do not interfere with anyone. They calmly and obediently carry out the instructions of an adult, observe the rules of conduct in everyday life and in the classroom. such children are very "comfortable" in the group - they do not require attention, they are almost invisible. However, such humility should be alarming, because behind it there may be a lack of interest in the environment - in games, in objects, in independent activity. nine0005

As a rule, passive children have a reduced emotional tone, they rarely and quietly laugh, they are not surprised at anything, they do not show interest in games and activities, although they participate in them on an equal basis with others. They rarely and quietly speak, it is difficult to get a detailed answer from them, and even more so an independent statement. They indifferently accept any suggestions from an adult, never refuse him, but as soon as they need to show their initiative in a game or in class (think up something, compose, answer a difficult question), they are silent, lower their eyes, shrug their shoulders and obviously do not know , what to do. In their behavior, especially in a new, problematic situation for them, one feels stiffness and tension, which prevents them from engaging in activities and expressing themselves. Their attention is usually focused on an adult, from whom they constantly look for guidance and instructions. nine0005

Despite the humility and "obedience" of such children, their obedience to any rules, it is difficult to communicate with them: they never object, do not express their point of view, do not show themselves. And without such mutual activity, communication is impossible and comes down to the one-sided guidance of an adult and the subordination of a child. Although these children do not bring much trouble to the caregiver, they should cause serious concern. Their passive, inconspicuous behavior may indicate the underdevelopment of the motivational sphere, the absence of their own interests and creative activity. nine0005

The described groups of children can be identified through observation. However, the increased activity of the child does not always indicate his hyperactivity and lack of arbitrariness, and passive behavior - about the underdevelopment of interests and creative activity.

Since these two groups of children have different psychological backgrounds, it is clear that these groups require different pedagogical strategies and need different styles of communication with the caregiver. nine0005

Peculiarities of communication with impulsive (aggressive) children

Sometimes aggressiveness is stimulated indirectly in children - due to the constant viewing of cartoons of the corresponding content, action films, "horror films", various programs, where motives of violence are present in one form or another. If an adult on-screen "villain" seems funny or grotesque, then a preschooler perceives his behavior as an admirable example, and he does not think about the suffering of the victims at all. nine0005

Toys specially produced for playing according to the plots of popular foreign cartoons, "children's action films" and "horror films" that are used by children in games without realizing the true motives have a similar effect.

In kindergartens, there is a fashion for such games from time to time precisely because one of the children brought the appropriate toys. The teacher in this situation cannot completely debunk the new favorite characters in the eyes of the children. The only thing in his power is to prevent the appearance of imported cartoons with aggressive content in the group. Instead, it is better to show domestic cartoons that are more suitable for children, organize their discussion, and play individual episodes of them with children (this is especially good in the younger and middle groups). nine0005

The artistic skill of the educator, his ability to captivate children with the game, unobtrusive explanations and discussion of the actions of the characters, the ability to come up with a continuation of the fairy tale, story (which is more within the power of the pupils of the older group) - all this will help to distract children from warlike games and show them the possibility of peace-loving, good ways to communicate. The brighter and more expressive the kind, positive hero is, the more he will attract the attention and sympathy of the child, and even if he cannot fully compete with some kind of "terminator", then at least it will give an opportunity to compare them and think about the choice of a behavior model. nine0005

With older children, it is advisable to discuss not only cartoons, but also books, talk about why the characters act this way and not otherwise. The teacher reads to the children the fiction provided by the program (in the classroom or outside of them), and then they necessarily discuss what they read. It is very useful in these conversations to unobtrusively compare positive and negative characters that are well known to children. For example, it is easy to compare the adventures of the Hare and the Wolf from the cartoon "Well, you wait!" and the Cat and Mouse from Tom and Jerry. nine0005

Popular children's books are suitable for discussing the motives of the characters' behavior, understanding their true or feigned kindness, starting with the "ABC" by L.

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