How to teach your child manners and respect
How To Teach Kids Manners in a Fun Way
After teaching our kids what it means to have nice manners and demonstrating it for them every day, the next best thing is to reinforce these lessons with games and books.
Aimee Symington, Etiquette Expert, Instructor and Creator of Game on Manners,
Melissa TaylorChildren having fun playing the board game on manners called, Blunders.If you ask any child if they want to learn about manners and social skills they will most likely say, "NO!" However, we know how critical it is for children to have nice manners and confident social skills. Having good social skills will help them make friends, do better in school, and to get a job and be promoted throughout their career. So… it's our job to teach them manners and social skills whether they want to learn or not.
After many years of teaching manners to literally thousands of children, I have some suggestions on ways to teach kids that don't involve yelling or nagging, but instead, are centered around fun and family time. Here are my simple tips…
1. Talk to you kids about WHY they need to have nice manners. Telling a child why something is important will help them know that you are doing it for their own good, and that you didn't just make this stuff up! I'm not saying that kids will really care, but at least they know why we care.
2. SHOW them what to do to have nice manners. This means show them what they need to do to have nice table manners, confident introductions, polite guest skills, etc. If a child isn't taught the proper way to do something, you cannot expect them to do it! If you are unsure about what to teach your kids, watch videos yourself or with your kids, and also play the game Blunders with them so that you will learn together.
3. READ children's books about manners. There are many good books on manners at the library or to purchase. One of my favorites for older girls is the one from American Girl called, A Smart Girl's Guide to Manners.
4. PLAY games with your kids to teach them manners. There are many game apps on manners that you can download and have your children play on their own, but I do think it's best to play a game about manners and social skills WITH your kids so that you can have discussions about why things are important and explain things to them that they need to really understand. I am biased, but the best (okay, really the only) game on manners and social skills that is on the market is the one I invented called, Blunders. It has over 300 questions that are funny and interactive and kids have fun while trying to help the Blunder kids learn to have better manners. The game can be purchased at toy stores or on Amazon. Click HERE for more information about the game.
5. USE Manner Mats during a meal. Okay, so I again I am biased because I created Manner Mats and Manner Mat Preschool, but these are tear-off placemats that kids and adults can use during a meal.
They have games and activities that teach manners in a really fun way, and they encourage conversation between people at the table with the conversation starters and funny history of manners. Manner Mats can be purchased online and for more information click HERE.
6. WATCH videos. I remember Barney had a good video when my kids were little, but I am sure there are others ones on the market that you can show your children. Children love to watch movies so why not have it be an educational one? There are also videos online that you can watch about how to teach kids table manners, etc. Click HERE for a list of videos.
7. SEND kids to classes on manners. There are many people around Charlotte who offer classes on manners. You can find them online or through country clubs or Park & Recreation departments. I will be offering two classes this winter/spring in Davidson, NC. Click HERE for more information.
8. BE CONSISTENT and RELENTLESS.
Keep reinforcing polite manners with your children until they automatically do things like shake hands with adults when they meet them, immediately put their napkin in their lap when they sit down to eat, and tell parents when leaving after a play date, "Thank you for having me over." Our kids will be on their own way too soon and so we must make sure they are prepared to go out into the world a polite and well-mannered person so that they will have more opportunities in life.
For more information on manners and classes, please go to Finesseworldwide.com or email me at [email protected]. Thank you!
11 Good Manners for Kids to Teach Your Children, Please (Plus 10 Convos to Have RIGHT NOW!)
Manners for Kids: Having Good Manners is an Incredibly Important Life Skill
It’s hard, but developing your kids’ manners beyond Please & Thank You is critical.
And like so many other things, getting kids into the habit of using manners at an early age makes things much easier in the long haul.
As my kids age and begin to play away from home and interact with teachers and parents, I’m noticing that they don’t always use eye contact when speaking with others and they often forget to say “excuse me.”
I’ve also noticed that simply telling them to practice these good manners isn’t enough.
To develop good manners in kids, they need to know why this is important for them. After all, they see their father and me using manners all the time, so they know that these are things that people are supposed to do, but kids want to know what the point is.
When I explain the why behind certain manners, their eyes light up with comprehension. “Ohhhh,” they say. “Okay!” And they begin to practice it.
To start working on manners for kids, try to model the kinds of behavior you want to see in your children.
Trust me—they are paying attention. (Even when you don’t want them to!)
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11 Good Manners for Kids
Here are what I consider to be the 11 most important manners for kids and my reasons WHY they are important.
While many of these seem like common sense, kids don’t know what’s expected of them until you explain it. Make your expectations clear, and then model it yourself so they can see these good manners for kids in action.
1) Say please. This shows consideration for others.
2) Say thank you. This demonstrates appreciation and gratitude.
3) Look people in the eye when you speak to them. It’s a good way to show respect for the other person. (**Please note that neurodivergent people struggle with eye contact. It’s smart to teach kids that not all adults will hold eye contact. It’s also wise to observe your child to see if they don’t maintain eye contact because they are simply unable to.
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4) Apologize. It shows empathy and that you are taking responsibility for your actions.
5) Smile & have a good attitude. This makes everything better for yourself and others!
6) Make small talk. This is an important social skill for friendships and, later in life, getting and keeping a job.
7) Ask questions of others. This shows interest in others’ ideas and feelings.
8) Say excuse me. This shows consideration for others.
9) Look for opportunities to compliment others. This makes others feel good and helps with reciprocal relationships.
10) Share. This shows others you care, and helps you to think of others, makes you appreciate what you have.
11) Treat others the way you want to be treated. Covers all bases!
Reinforce Good Manners for Kids
Reinforcing good manners isn’t hard but it is something that needs to be deliberately undertaken.
Here are several ways I’ve found that work to foster good manners for kids:
1) Cement Good Manners by Reading a Book about Manners
RECOMMENDED BOOKS TO HELP WITH MANNERS FOR KIDS
Some of my favorites include Please Say Please, Perfect Pigs, Dude, That’s Rude, Are You Quite Polite, The Berenstein Bears Forget Their Manners, and The Thingamajig Book of Manners.
Most should be available through your local library, bookstore, or using the linked images below.
Please Say Pleaseby Margery Cuyler
Reading Age: 3 – 5 years
Perfect Pigs: An Introduction to Mannersby Marc Brown
Reading Age: 2 – 8 years
Dude, That’s Rude!by Pamela Espeland
Reading Age: 2 – 8 years
Are You Quite Politeby Alan Katz
Reading Age: 2 – 8 years
The Berenstein Bears Forget Their Mannersby Stan Berenstain
Reading Age: 3 – 7 years
The Thingamajig Book of Mannersby Irene Keller
Reading Age: 6 – 8 years
2) Give your kids “the talk”
Before going to school, the store, a friend’s house, or relatives’ house, emphasize the manners for kids that you expect them to follow.
It sounds basic, but a quick reminder about what your expectations are for behavior can go a long way!
3) Create your own list of family manners
Focus on the ones that are important for your own family. State them in a positive way and post them somewhere as a reminder for everyone.
4) Make a manners competition within your household
Have a marble jar or a sticker chart for every family member and give each other points for using good manners. At the end of the week, let the winner pick dessert for the night, choose a fun family activity for the night, have the evening off from chores, or some other incentive of his or her choice.
5) Come up with a fun phrase or sound
Choose a sound to serve as a reminder for one another when manners are forgotten. Some ideas: a buzzer sound, “rewind,” “oops, you forgot something,” or “let’s try that again.”
10 Things Parents Really Need to Talk about with Their Kids
Regular communication between parents and kids is not only the key to good manners, but it’s also important for their safety and emotional health.
Over my many years of working as a school social worker and my many years as a parent, I have come up with a list of 10 things that all parents really need to talk about with their kids.
Yes, there are probably more than 10 conversations you need to have with your child over the course of their lifetime, but these are the biggies. Some of these topics will be a one-time thing, but many of them should be more ongoing.
Here they are, in no particular order:
1) Believe in Yourself
Self-confidence might be the most important factor in life success and overall happiness.
And no, I am not talking about the overconfident trash-talking kid (or coworker!) that we all know and love.
Kids need to be able to recognize their talents and positive qualities.
They need your help to discover these things. Take the time to tell them how proud you are. Point out their positive qualities. Tell them that you believe in them. This will help them to explore, take risks, and find success.
2) Appreciate What You Have
Whether you are super wealthy or barely getting by, it is important to remind your kids to be grateful for what they have.
My husband does a great job of pointing out the little things to our kids all the time. Warm pajamas, healthy food, bikes, great teachers, helpful neighbors, the ability to walk: all of these things are so easy to take for granted.
Help your kids notice the little things. Having an attitude of gratitude is contagious and makes you appreciate the little things.
3) Be Nice
While this may sound overly simple, it’s a great way to live.
I love wearing my “be nice” shirt. We even have a “be nice” sign on our wall at home.
It matters how you treat others.
Be nice to your siblings, be nice to your friends, and be nice to your parents. If you are nice to others, they will be nice to you. How…nice!
4) Be Safe
Regardless of your stance on guns, as soon as your kids start going to other people’s houses, you need to talk to them about gun safety.
Lots of people have guns in their homes and lots of people do not have them locked up. It is hard for children to understand how dangerous guns are. Tell them (more than once!) what they should do if one of their friends wants to show them a gun. Go through different “what if?” situations.
Teach them from a young age to listen to that little voice in their head. Tell them, “if something is telling you this doesn’t seem right, listen.” The same is true for alcohol, cigarettes, and a myriad of other scary and dangerous things.
It is important that your kids know what is acceptable and what is not and that you will always be proud of them for doing the right thing.
Make sure kids know your phone number and address!
5) Your Body Belongs to You
This one really ties in with the previous message about safety. While there are some discussions in elementary school classrooms about personal safety and good touch/bad touch, it’s not enough. Parents need to talk to kids about this, too.
Both boys and girls need to understand that their bodies are private and belong to them.
There is a very small group of people who should be allowed to see children naked.
Funny story: I forgot to mention to my kids that their pediatrician is someone who is on “the list” of approved people. My feisty little daughter just about kicked the poor doctor where it counts during her last well-child visit when he tried to pull her pants down a little bit to feel her belly. Oops!
If you’re wondering what unsafe situations for children look like, read this article about what constitutes abuse and when to report it.
6) Winning is Not That Important
We live in a competitive society. And let’s be honest, everyone likes to win more than they like to lose.
But winning isn’t the only point of competition. It breaks my heart to see kids in my son’s little league division (ages 9 and 10) already smashing bats on the ground, chucking gloves, and crying over a strikeout or a loss.
Allow your kids to lose at games and competitions (yes, I know that sounds mean) and teach them how to be a good sport.
Praise hard work, effort, and not throwing a fit when they lose.
Oh, and be a good example yourself!
7) Stand up for What You Know is Right
Teach your child to listen to that little voice in his or her head that tells them whether something is a good idea. And teach them to stick up for others who are being mistreated.
One of my proudest mom moments was when my 5-year-old daughter saw some kids being mean to her friend at the park and she marched right over to them, said, “You leave my friend alone!” and took her friend over to another part of the playground.
Do the right thing. Always.
8) Choose Good Friends
This is a tough one. Once your kids enter elementary school, they start to navigate the surprisingly tricky social world of childhood friendships.
I encourage my kids to have a lot of different friends.
While having a best friend sounds like a great idea, it’s really not when kids are young. Being completely wrapped up in one individual isn’t very healthy. If your child has a friend who they are getting into trouble with, try to get them to understand how that might not be good for them.
The more you can talk your kids through those situations (rather than telling them who they should and should not be friends with), the better off they will be in the long run (hopefully!).
9. Be Creative, Go Outside, Get Dirty
It saddens me to hear how many hours kids spend in front of screens. Video games have become a full-time job for so many.
While I enjoy playing the Wii as much as anyone (though my husband said I am about to be cut off because of my language when I play Mario Kart!), have limits. Take a family walk or a bike ride. Have a picnic at the park. Let your kids play in the mud. Plant a garden. Go catch frogs. Finger paint. You get the idea.
Again, you have to set a good example for this.
10) Do What You Can to Make Things Better in the World
While you shouldn’t expect your kids to be raising thousands of dollars for charity or volunteering every weekend, it’s never too early to plant the seed of doing good in the world.
If you give your kids allowance, have them save part of it in a giving jar. Offer to help a neighbor pull weeds. Pay it forward at the drive-thru. Stop to help someone who has dropped something. Again, when your kids see you doing good for others, they will do the same.
More Great Parenting Advice
Teaching Children Good Manners From Childhood - Child Development
All parents want their children to be well-mannered. Teaching a child good manners is not an easy, but necessary and very responsible task.
Good manners are not the same as good behavior (for example, if a child does not bully at school and does not offend the younger ones, this is a sign of his good behavior). Good manners are the rules of decency to be followed in society.
Teach your child good manners - and it will definitely come in handy in adulthood. In particular, the child should be taught:
1. Saying “please”, “excuse me” and “thank you”
This is one of the basic rules of decorum that a child should learn first. It is these phrases that distinguish a well-mannered child from the rest. Children do not understand the importance of these phrases and that they mean respect for the interlocutor, if the parents do not explain this to them.
It is also necessary to teach the child not to behave arrogantly towards other people, but to treat them with respect and friendliness. nine0003
"I'm sorry" is a simple phrase that can reconcile people who are unkind to each other. Never be ashamed to admit your mistakes and apologize if you are wrong. Teach this to your child too.
2. Say hello politely
Always teach your child to say hello politely when someone enters the room or when he sees another person for the first time.
Teach your child to say hello first, even if the other person doesn't. Such behavior on the part of the child is a sign of friendliness and respect for the interlocutor. nine0003
3. Talk politely on the phone
Teach your child not to speak too loudly when answering the phone. First, he should greet the interlocutor, and then listen to him without interrupting, and only then answer. These are the rules of telephone etiquette.
4. Do not interrupt the interlocutor
Children are impatient by nature, but parents should teach them patience. This implies, among other things, that you cannot interrupt the interlocutor during a conversation. Explain to your child that it is impolite and rude not to let the person finish their thought. If the child does this automatically, tell him, “Please don't interrupt. Let me finish." nine0003
5. Answer questions politely
When adults come to visit you, they usually try to talk to your child and ask him questions.
Teach your child to respond politely.
Sometimes it happens that a child does not pay attention to adults and does not answer their questions. It's not polite. Even if your child is shy, teach him to smile and give a short answer in response to guests' questions.
6. Correct table manners
Family dinners can be a great opportunity to teach your child table etiquette. First of all, teach your child to set the table.
Each family has its own traditions of how to start a family dinner. However, in any case, you should not use mobile phones or any other electronic devices at this time. Use this time to connect with your family.
Also teach your child the following rules:
- always wash your hands before eating; nine0054
- do not talk while eating and chew with your mouth open;
- if the child wants something to be passed to him from the other side of the table, you need to say, for example: "Pass me the salt, please.
" Rising from the table, you should say "Thank you"; - If a child at the table wants to sneeze, you should turn to the side to your shoulder and cover your mouth and nose with a handkerchief. If there is no handkerchief, you should cover your mouth and nose with your hand, and then wash your hands;
- if a child has dropped a piece of food on the floor, do not pick it up; nine0054
- if the child has eaten and wants to leave the table, he must ask the parents for permission, then put away the cutlery and only then leave;
- do not scold the child at the table, do not use phrases like "I told you so!". Just tell your child what he should do - and the family dinner will take place in a more relaxed atmosphere.
You should teach your child about table etiquette before you start having dinner with your family in cafes or restaurants or before your child starts visiting friends for birthdays. If a child knows how to handle cutlery, napkins and knows how to behave at the table, this will save both him and you from many awkward situations.
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7. Behaving properly at the cinema or at concerts
Going to the cinema with your child is an excellent opportunity to teach him the rules of behavior in public places.
The child must shower and eat before leaving the house. During the session, the child should sit quietly, and if he wants to say something to you, you need to do it in a whisper.
After that, you can take your child to the theater and concerts. Explain to the child that he should calmly watch a concert or play. Tell us what intermission is and what the usher's job is. Also explain that chewing gum, using a mobile phone, or dangling your legs under the seat is not allowed during the concert. nine0003
8. Do not use swear words in your speech
A very simple rule applies here: if you use swear words in your speech from time to time in the presence of children, children are likely to start using them too. The problem is that they do it in the most inopportune situations.
Therefore, the best way to prevent this is to be attentive to your speech.
Sometimes children simply do not understand the meaning of swear words, and a simple explanation is enough for parents (this can simply shock the child). nine0003
9. Using electronic devices correctly
This is especially difficult because parents often set a bad example for their children. However, you can change your habits and thus affect the child. Obviously, there are certain situations and places in which the use of electronic devices is unacceptable (for example, during meals, at the cinema, at concerts, weddings, in church, at school, etc.). And, of course, you should not use your phone when you are driving, because it is simply dangerous. nine0003
Teaching a child good manners can sometimes be difficult. This will require a lot of time and patience from you. But, if a child masters them from an early age, this will greatly facilitate his life in the future.
The Little Prince: How to teach your child good manners
Don't lose your temper.
If you yell at a child, it won't help - in this way you will provoke resentment against yourself and further loosen the boundaries of permissible behavior: if mom or dad can yell at me, then I can do it too. Don't send such a contradictory message. Calm down, take a deep breath, and talk to your child in a firm but calm manner. If you feel like you can't continue the conversation without raising your voice, offer to talk it over later when you're both less angry. But do not forget about the promise - after a while, when you can listen and hear each other, you must definitely explain to the child what happened, which was rude and unacceptable. If a whim or tantrum happened at home without prying eyes, you can try using the method of the Duchess of Cambridge. It's experimental and terrifies the queen, but it seems to work. Eyewitnesses say that when George, Charlotte and Louis "flirt" and begin to misbehave, Kate turns into a "three-year-old girl." She mirrors the behavior of the kids, she can even fall to the floor and start waving her hands.
Watching this picture, children understand how stupid they look from the outside, laugh and stop being capricious. nine0003
Have family meals. Child behavior at the table is something that many parents have problems with. It will be great if by the time the child goes to kindergarten, he learns to use the appliances on his own and eat carefully, without dirtying himself and the surrounding space. Moreover, in addition to preschool, the baby will need to appear at family holidays, go to visit or cafes and restaurants with you. The ability to behave at the table is one of the significant markers of good parenting. First of all, you need to explain to the child that you need to approach the table with clean hands and face. In my kindergarten, we teach the children a specially written Wash your hands song, which lasts exactly as long as it takes to wash their hands thoroughly. In addition, she makes the activity fun so that it is more interesting for children to do it.
