How to raise a self motivated child

Science-Based Approaches for Parents, Caregivers, and Teachers

Briefs

What’s the best way to motivate children? The intrinsic motivation to learn about the world around us begins in infancy. This type of motivation can either be encouraged or suppressed by the experiences adults provide for children. Psychological research points to a set of promising approaches that parents and practitioners can use to promote positive motivation and learning during development.

For more in-depth information about the science of motivation, read “Working Paper 14: Understanding Motivation: Building the Brain Architecture That Supports Learning, Health, and Community Participation.”

1. Follow babies’ lead.

   Babies naturally orient toward novel objects and events. They look away from objects that are overly familiar, but also from new ones that are too complex. This is sometimes called the “Goldilocks effect:” things are interesting when they are novel, but not too novel. When interacting with infants, notice what they pay attention to, and engage with them around their interests.

2. Elicit curiosity.

   Even infants seek to explore objects—especially those that behave in surprising ways. When they drop something on the floor or throw it, they’re trying to see what will happen next. Provide children with opportunities to interact with new objects—and let them lead and learn!

3. Encourage children’s playful exploration.

   When given the opportunity, children of all ages spontaneously engage in play. The ingredients of play are precisely the ones that fuel learning: play is intrinsically motivating, it presents an opportunity for novel experiences and for learning from others, it requires active engagement, and it can strengthen social bonds and reduce stress. When life is busy or chaotic, it can be hard to find the time and space to encourage children’s play, but this is an important aspect of development.

4. Prioritize social interaction during learning.

   In the digital age, there are many educational, computer-based applications designed for children, even as young as 6 months. However, even the best-designed and most effective apps cannot replace real-life social interactions with adults and peers. In one study, babies learned elements of language more effectively when face-to-face with a teacher or on video. Recent research shows that young children can learn from digital media, such as touch-screen tablets, but social interaction during this learning experience appears to be essential.

5. Challenge children just enough.

   Kids are motivated to work toward achievable goals. From infancy onward, effort is required to sustain motivation, but success must be possible. They lose motivation when a task is too easy, but also when it is so difficult as to be insurmountable. Video games harness this basic principle of learning effectively, constantly increasing the level of challenge based on an individual child’s performance. Try to adapt a challenge according to a child’s current capabilities, and provide prompt feedback on his or her performance.

6. Give children agency.

   

   
   

   Children are more motivated when they have some degree of self-determination, and can elect to pursue tasks that are personally meaningful. When they have a choice of projects, or at least a little wiggle room as to how a task gets done, children are more likely to stay engaged.

7. Provide incentives only when necessary.

   When children are suddenly rewarded for something they enjoy and do freely, they may begin to do it only when they know they will be compensated afterwards. Wherever possible, harness children’s natural curiosity and inclination to work toward an achievable goal, rather than promising a reward.

8. Praise the process rather than the outcome.

   

   When we praise children for their intellect or skill level—or the grade or gold medal they received—it can lead to a performance orientation. They may be motivated to achieve more rewards, but they may also learn to shy away from challenging activities that they might not excel at, for fear of negative evaluation. Performance pressure increases as children move up in school, and it is associated with depression and anxiety in addition to diminished joy of learning. When we praise children for their effort and help them see falling short as an opportunity to learn and improve (rather than simply focus on the outcome), they will be more motivated to work hard and more likely to believe that they can achieve what they put their mind to.

9. Maintain a close connection with adolescents.

   

   Adolescence is a period when many young people take risks and push boundaries. This trend reflects, in large part, a natural inclination toward novel and exciting experiences that maximize learning opportunities and are important in making the transition to independence. As teens become more motivated by the approval of their peers, it can be socially rewarding to follow risk-taking leaders or stand out by breaking boundaries. However, teens with close family relationships are less prone to risk-taking. High parental support and open dialogue are associated with fewer problem behaviors, including less substance abuse and delinquency. Be empathetic and supportive, knowing that youth are going through changes in their brains, bodies, and social relations that can make risky behavior appealing to them. Keep the lines of communication open—and keep close tabs on teens.

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How to Encourage Self-Motivation in Your Child

By Tracy Enright / July 18, 2022 July 18, 2022 / Child Development, Child Psychology, Dad's Corner, Learning, Mom's Corner

Self-motivation is a trait that is often underrated. It’s more than just getting out of bed in the morning; it can significantly impact your child’s school performance and success in adulthood. Kids with the inner drive to work hard generally have the edge over their peers. Furthermore, research shows that students fueled by intrinsic motivation think more logically and apply their knowledge and skills more effectively. A blend of cognitive and emotional intelligence will boost their academic success and other achievements.

Children are naturally motivated to learn until they’re about seven years old. After this time, they’ll need the ability to motivate themselves, a vital skill if they’re to succeed. While it’s true that self-motivation can only come from within, there are ways you can help your child nurture it, giving them an advantage that will pay off later in life. Here are several ways you can help.

Instill Optimism. Focus on solutions to problems rather than dwelling on setbacks and try to have a positive outlook on life; this will encourage your child to adopt the same approach.

Encourage Patience and Persistence. Reward effort rather than just success. You’ll help your child develop the skills they need to face challenges and keep trying until they succeed.

Build Relationships. Feeling connected to others can inspire us to contribute to family and the community. For some kids, encouraging social activities may increase their interest in household tasks and school subjects that they used to find boring.

Provide Context. Discuss what you believe and why with your child. They’ll be more likely to cooperate when they understand the purpose behind completing their homework or cleaning their room.

Boost Confidence. Instill a strong sense of self-worth in your child. Providing love and positive attention will help them feel valued. Make your child feel like they’re capable and deserving of amazing things.

Support Risk-Taking.The more secure a child feels, the more likely they’ll take advantage of the positive opportunities presented. Regardless of the outcome, praise your child’s initiative and effort. Over time, they’ll learn from setbacks, accept that sometimes they’ll fail, and refrain from holding themselves back. Showing your kids how to win or lose gracefully will allow them to deal with and move on more quickly from disappointments later in life.

Stimulate Curiosity. Children with a range of interests will generally be exposed to more opportunities. Kids are naturally inquisitive and adventurous. Guide their energy in a positive direction. A variety of interests and a good work-life balance will make the less-interesting tasks they face less demoralizing and easier to accomplish.

Set Goals. Age-appropriate challenges give kids something for which to strive. Be specific and put their objectives in writing. Together, create a chart or poster to keep their goals in the forefront of their minds.

Make Success Possible. Give your child the opportunity to be successful and experience the positive emotions that go with it. Supporting and guiding them will help build the self-esteem essential to self-motivation.

Celebrate Progress and Achievement. Helping your child to recognize and appreciate their own and other people’s success will provide goals to work towards and set a positive tone for the future.

Foster Their Learning. Encouraging your child to learn about things that they find interesting will allow them to better understand the concepts they learn at school, especially if you’re creative about the way you link their interest to learning. For instance, pacing out the length of their favorite dinosaur or measuring ingredients for baking will help them understand size or volume without making it feel like another math lesson. This may help your children to love learning and growing more than grades or privileges.

Adapt to Their Learning Style. Some children will sit and listen to new information. Others want to pick things up and use them straight away. Adapting to their preferred way of learning will keep learning fun and not a chore.

More Tips

The influence you have on your children is powerful. Creating a home environment that guides them towards satisfying their expectations will help them develop self-motivation.

Start Early. Kids are remarkably determined when it comes to talking and walking. Your early support can reinforce that inner fire and help your child to hang in there when life becomes more challenging. 

Limit Rewards. Studies show that external rewards can dampen our enthusiasm, even for tasks we enjoy doing. Try to save these incentives for special situations only.

Choose a Hobby. Devoting leisure time to enriching activities can also be a great teaching tool. Observe your child’s talents and interests and provide them with outings and projects to maximize their strengths. Maybe they will shine at playing tennis or the guitar.

Share Feedback. Open and ongoing communication builds trust. Ask probing questions, use eye contact, and listen closely to your child’s thoughts and opinions. Maybe they’re satisfied with how they’re doing in school or need additional resources like tutoring to catch up on work and remain engaged.

Be a Role Model. The more self-motivated you are in life, the more likely you will pass those qualities on to your kids. Whether returning to school to earn a second degree or spending weekends volunteering at an animal shelter, your children learn by your example.

Parents want to help improve their child’s chances of success at school and later in adulthood. Despite children’s natural curiosity, intrinsic motivation can fade unless it’s continually nurtured and developed. By starting early and encouraging your child, you can help to instill a trait that will be useful for the rest of their lives.

How to bring up initiative in a child: 7 tips from a psychologist

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November 15, 2017

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Parents complain that their children grow up passive - they are not interested in anything, they are not fond of anything, they experience vivid emotions only from simple films - primitive pleasures , computer games, shopping, car racing. A person who has not been brought up with the ability to act independently, without prodding, cannot cope with his own boredom, his life is dull and gray. nine0003

What to do?

1. Do not overload . It has become fashionable to plan the life of a child in such a way that he does not have a single minute left "on stupidity." The schedule is thought out to the point - if he does not do his homework, then he goes in for sports, learns languages, masters creative skills, studies disciplines that are not included in the school curriculum. Alas, too rigid schedule stifles any initiative. The child should have time to get bored, look for an activity to his liking, try different things and realize what he likes and what not. nine0020
2. Give the right to decide for yourself. At every age, a child is already able to make a choice on his own - to buy a green T-shirt or a red one; first take a walk, and then do homework or vice versa; go on vacation to a children's camp or with adults to the sea. Parents should set limits so that the children's decision is safe and reasonable - you can’t go for a walk in winter without a coat and it’s not good to start homework at midnight. But in the outline outlined, children must learn to choose from an early age. nine0020
3. Release control. Don't hover over your head, comment, correct, criticize, or even praise your child's every action. He does not need an algorithm and a set of hints, not the formation of conditioned reflexes to "right" and "wrong" actions, but practice in finding solutions and ways out of impasses, experience of mistakes, disappointments and breakthroughs. The wisdom of adults can lead you astray, you have to reach everything yourself.
4. Support even in controversial hobbies. nine0019 We want the child to learn Chinese, and he chooses boxing? We will not hit him on the hands, we will support him, even if we are sure that he will not succeed. Let him try: firstly, we can make mistakes, and secondly, the child needs experience and wrong decisions. And if we were right, we will not gloat, but, on the contrary, we will insist that he does not quit what he started too early - in any case, he will gain useful skills and temper his character.
5. Find and celebrate the child's strengths . Success accompanies those who are engaged in a business that they are passionate about and for which there are abilities. The child does not always see what his strength is - parents can prompt and at the same time help him gain self-confidence. Relying on his abilities and talents, developing them, the child will achieve more than if he concentrates on what he is weak in, hoping to catch up to the average level. It is impossible to be an excellent student in everything - you have to choose.
6. Don't get personal. Education is impossible without criticism. We are all living people, sometimes emotions go wild, and in the heat of the moment we can say a lot of hurtful words. This is normal, but there is one taboo - you can not criticize the personality of the child, you need to talk about specific actions. We are not talking about what he is, but about what he did wrong. Not “you are stupid and brainless!”, but “you were in a hurry, read the task inattentively, so you completed it incorrectly”, or not “what to take from you!”, but “you didn’t think about the consequences of your choice, now you have to pay”. nine0020
7. To show the child that we love him even in case of failure. If you set your sights on something significant, you will definitely make mistakes, get bruises and bumps. Even a small defeat is a serious test for a child. At this moment, not only does his self-esteem fall, he is afraid that if he does not live up to his parents' expectations, he will be unloved, rejected. Gathering strength and trying again is easier if there are people nearby who love you simply because you are you, they will not rub salt in the wound and will always be on your side. Our unconditional love is the most powerful support that helps the child to realize his abilities and talents to the fullest. nine0020